CHAPTER 30

FOUR POV

"Hey dad," I say to dad as I enter his office.

"Hey. Thought anymore about what you are going to do about Tris?"

"I'm going to take her through my fear landscape tonight. Do you think this is going to look like I am giving her favourable treatment over the others? I mean her seeing a fear landscape before the others do?"

"If she is anything like her mother than no I don't think so."

"What do you mean? How do you know her mother?"

"Natalie was Dauntless. There was a rumour she was Divergent. Her mother was a leader and thought it would be better for her to defect. She was dating Andrew Prior in secret and it was back before Jeanine took over Erudite. The guy in charge of Erudite was trying to use divergents as test subjects. Natalie's mum got worried and convinced them to transfer to Abnegation."

"This is why I don't let Jeanine see our simulation results, I don't trust her. It is too easy for them to see who is divergent with our simulations. I'm not going to send my members to be lab rats for those scientists over at Erudite."

"So there is a strong possibility that Tris is divergent like her mother, you aren't going to be giving her any more of an advantage than she will already have."

"I suppose, I didn't really think of it like that."

"I think you are just trying to find a way not to have to tell her your secrets," dad says.

"Yes and no. I need to be honest with her. I know that. I just don't know how I am going to handle her reaction. I don't understand all this girl stuff. They are so confusing," I say.

Dad full on laughs at this. "That's why we love them so much. They suck us in, spit us out and we keep going back for more. I'm sure if we understood them we wouldn't be half as fascinated with them."

"Can I ask for a favour?"

"Depends?"

"Can you go down and deal with the transfers families for me? I really don't want to have to see Tris until later."

"Okay, but you owe me one. I think once initiation is over you can take your brother and sister for a weekend and give your mum and me a break."

"Deal, thanks dad."

TRIS POV

I'm sitting in the dining hall with Christina, Will and Marlene. I haven't seen Four all day. I have so many questions after yesterday. Plus I was shocked to find out today that my mum was Dauntless. I would never have thought that. She has always seemed like she was born into Abnegation.

Uriah, Zeke and Shauna are next to come and sit down. Everyone is in a good mood. The transfers because they got to see someone from home and the Dauntless-born, well they always seem to be in a good mood. Must be growing up with all the freedom of being allowed to enjoy yourself. It makes me wonder how different would my life have been like if I'd been born Dauntless. Would I have wanted to transfer out if I had? Or would I have met Four when I was younger?

"Ready for the rankings?" Uriah asks.

I just shrug. I am so nervous. At least I can't be thrown out but I would like to end up in the top ten at the end of initiation. I don't really think I'd enjoy working in the retirement village, too many years helping others in Abnegation. Plus you need to be retested if you don't make it into the top ten.

"We'll be right Tris," Christina says. I wish I had her confidence.

"We should go and get our rankings," says Will. Christina, Will and I stand and wave bye to the others.

We are about to walk into the dorm to get our rankings when I see Four walking out. He must have already posted the rankings.

"Hi," he says. "I really need to talk to you."

"I was just going to see my ranking," I say.

"Come on, I can tell you about your ranking on the way," he says grabbing my hand and leading me away from the dormitory. I wave to Christina and Will and follow Four.

"So what was my ranking?" I ask.

"You're ranked sixth. Don't stress about it. You can always improve and it's not like you are going to be kicked out."

"Not yet anyway," I say.

He stops us in front of a room; I don't even know where we are as I was taking no notice on our way here.

"Don't think like that. You are going to pass Tris; you will be in the top ten. I believe in you."

"Where are we?"

"This is the fear landscape room," he says.

"What are we doing here?"

"I have some stuff I need to tell you. But I don't really know how to explain it so I thought it would be better if I just showed you."

"In stage two you will have to go through fear simulations. Basically you will have to face your fears. Once stage two is finished there is one final test. Here in this room. This is the fear landscape room. This is stage three of training. In your fear landscape you will go through all of your fears in one go. You will be aware that it is a simulation."

"You want me to go through my fear landscape?" I ask. A little confused at why he would want me to do this now.

"No Tris. I want you to go through my fear landscape," he says.

"Are you sure?"

"No. But there are things I need you to know. Things that I don't really know how to put into words."

I don't know how to feel about this. I've heard the rumours that he only has Four fears, that he is a Dauntless prodigy. I am intrigued to see what these four fears are but I am getting this feeling that I am not going to be happy with what these four fears will mean for us.

I've just seen Fours' first two fears. Heights and seeing his family die. Watching Charlie and Jed get killed was the most horrific image I have ever seen. But I can see from the look on Fours' face that for him there is so much more to come. I can't imagine what I am about to see and the feeling I got before we went into the simulation is back.

We are now standing in an Abnegation house. What am I doing back in Abnegation? A circle of light envelopes us, and at its edge, I see worn gray shoes pacing. Marcus Eaton steps into the edge of the light, but not the Marcus that I remember. This one has pits for eyes and a gaping black maw instead of a mouth.

Another Marcus stands beside him, and slowly, all around the circle, more and more monstrous versions of him step forward and surround me. The first Marcus undoes his belt and slides it out from around his waist; the other Marcus's do the same. I can't believe what I am seeing. Does this mean that Four is Tobias? And what the hell does Marcus have his belt off for?

"This is for your own good," they all say as they go to hit Four with their belts. "NO!" I yell and push Four out of the way and hold up my arm to take the impact of the belt. Just as the belts are about to impact with my arms the scene changes

We are in the training room now. Four is sitting on the ground and there is a small girl screaming at him. I walk closer and I see it is me. Not me now but me from when I was seven, then I hear the words. The words that have haunted me for the last nine years. The words I now know have haunted him as well. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. Why didn't you tell me you were alive," my younger self is screaming at him. I walk up to me and I say, "Stop." It is barely a whisper but she hears me. She turns and looks at me and then she is gone.

The lights come on and we are back in the fear landscape room. I feel like I can't breathe. Four is breathing heavily and his head is bowed like he can't face me. I'm glad I can't see his face at the moment. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to put my arms around him and tell him I don't hate him. Another part of me wants to scream at him just like my seven year old self did. And another part of me can't believe that Marcus could have ever done that to Tobias.

I remember how I felt when I saw the stretcher with his body covered in a sheet on it. I remember the guilt I felt. I remember the emptiness I had felt. That the only wish I had was that I could see him one last time. That I could talk to him one more time. But now I have the opportunity I don't move, I can't move. We both sit there together but apart for a long time. Fours' breathing has started to calm down but it is by no means back to normal.

I know I still have tears falling from my eyes. I can't seem to stop them. Do I want them to stop? I'm not sure really. Do I wish I could go back to last night, sitting by the chasm? When all I had to worry about was why would Four like me. He may have thought it would be easier to show me what he wanted me to know. But I don't think that this has been easy on either of us. If I could curl into a ball right now and go to sleep I would.

"Tris," he says. "We need to get out of here."

He pulls me up and he grabs my hand and we walk out of the fear landscape room. There are no words spoken we just keep walking. We reach his apartment and he lets go of my hand to unlock the door. I have no idea what we are doing but I also don't have the energy to fight him. I'm too tired from everything that has just happened.

We walk inside and he shuts the door. He grabs my hand and we walk up the stairs and into his bedroom. "Tobias do you think we should be here?" I ask.

He doesn't answer me. He still hasn't spoken since we left the fear landscape room. He pulls me onto the bed and into his embrace. He curls his body around me with my back to his chest and he has his arms wrapped tightly around my body. Not too tight, but tight enough that I feel cocooned by his much larger body. He rests his head in my hair and he cries. It is the most heart braking sound I have ever heard and the only thing I can do is cry with him.

I'm crying for him and the little boy who lost so much. I'm crying for the little girl who thought it was her fault her best friend had been taken away. And I'm crying for us because I don't know what this means for us. Does he forgive me? Can I forgive him? Are we strong enough to move on? I don't get to answer any of my own questions before I am taken away by sleep.

I cried while writing the last few paragraphs of this chapter. I wrote it over two weeks ago and it took me a long time to start writing again after I had finished it. So I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I may have cried but I am proud of what I have come up with. You might not like it and that is okay too. Just remember that they were really young when their worlds were thrown upside down by an evil Marcus. Now they are hormonal teenagers trying to deal with their pasts and present. I hope I have portrayed this well.

HotaruBia Good luck I hope you did well in your exam ;)