A/N thank you for the lovely support. We are on summer break right now which means we have more time to write. We are a group of four girls. My name is Danique, and I usually update the fanfic and write the A/N. But this is the very first time I wrote a full chapter.

I changed the rating to M because of the previews two chapters. Enjoy reading!

Chapter 4

The next day,

Be'er Sheva Israel,

It's in the afternoon when Ziva was standing in her kitchen making herself and Tony lunch . She putted the kettle on stove that was in front of her.

Tony walked in the kitchen fully dressed and now shaven and clean, holding his bag in his right hand. Ziva looked at him and a tear slipped down her cheek. She knows it's time for him to leave.

"Are you going home?" she asked him, while her voice cracks. When he came here five days ago she didn't want to see him she wanted to move on. But now she didn't want him to leave. Why does he have to confuse her heart like this? Why does everything got to be so complicated with him.

"Yes Gibbs called this morning wanting me to come back" he answered. "You sure you don't want to come home with me?, "You could you know stay at my place, we could buy a bigger bed and…" he said

"Tony I have to do this on my own" she said while more tears were making its way down her cheeks. Tony moved closer and putted his left arm around her middle. He leaned over and whispered into her ear 'I'm going to miss you sweetcheeks" he dropped his bag to the ground and putted his other arm around her middle too. They stood like that for several seconds but it felt like hours.

He moved his right hand to her face and wiped the tears away. He didn't want to see her cry. He didn't want to leave her like this either, but Gibbs orders, and she didn't want to go home with him. He passionately kissed her on her lips. His tong entered her mouth and they were now moving around each other. He needed this, he needed her. he didn't knew what he was going to do when he got back from Israel. It wasn't going to be easy. But nobody ever said that life was easy. But life never delivers something we can't handle.

The kiss ended and she looked him in the eye. She saw that he was having a hard time too."When does your flight leave?" she asked him. But a part of her didn't want to hear the answer. She just wanted him close, she wanted to feel his embrace.

"Tonight at nine pm" he answered. They had a few more hours together and he was going to spend every second with her. he wasn't going to let her out of his sight. He kissed her forehead.

She felt his soft lips on her skin. "okay" she answered. Their interment moment was under broken by the noise of the kettle that Ziva had put on the stove earlier. "I guess the tea is ready" she said and a slight smile appeared on her face.

A few minutes later they were sitting across from each other at the table that was in the living room. Tony looked around the room for the millionth time since he got here. This was the house that she was born in. It was quite simple she didn't have a TV, but he didn't expect her to have one.

"What are you looking at?" she asked with a concerned voice. Was something wrong? If it was he would say it right?

"No nothing is wrong I'm just looking at the living room, it just looks really beautiful" he answered and smiled at her "You know Ziva this bread is absolutely delicious, where did you bought this?" he asked her, trying to make things easier for them. Not that anything ever was easy between them.

After lunch Ziva excused herself for a minute saying she needed to use the bathroom. As she walked over to the bathroom she passed the bedroom, the door was open and she saw that his coat was lying on her bed. She moved over and grabbed it with her right hand. And brought it to her face. It smelled like him. How can she live without him? And how can he live without her? She put the coat down and moved to the nightstand next to the bed. She opened the top drawer to grabed her necklace. He had spend four months searching for her and when he finally found her she told him she wanted to start over, alone. She had killed to many people, and she just wanted to be a good person, for once in her life. She grabbed the necklace with her right hand and walked over to his coat and put her necklace in his pocket. He deserved to have it. he deserved to have a part of her, and maybe it will comfort him. Whenever he feels lonely or sad. After all he gave her this necklace when she came back from Somalia, because Saleem had taken her other one.

After a trip to the bathroom and the bedroom she headed back to the kitchen to find him doing the dishes."Hey where were you?" he asked " I went to the bathroom like I said" she replied. At her tone Tony could hear she did not want to talk about it. There was such a huge difference. Last night they had made love and now they were back at the old self.

Ben-Gurion Airport Tel Aviv Israel

The ride to the airport took a little bit longer than she expected. The car ride was filled with silence between them. They both didn't want to say anything, not wanting to ruin this moment between them. That had happened more often than that they were willing to admit.

They didn't spoke to each other until they were at the terminal. "Still time for you to change your mind" he said. He knew that she wasn't going to change her mind but he said it anyway. He saw that she was looking away. "What am I going to tell people? "

"That you were right I have to start over" she told him. In that moment she really didn't want to talk about it anymore but she knew she had to. She had to talk about it one last time.

"Okay you and I both know that's not going to be enough for Abby" he said. She looked up at him. She needed an answer but she really didn't have one. it's just better if he and Abby don't know the truth.

"Tell her that I am honoring Gibbs" she told him. "Gibbs" he questioned. That was the last person had thought of. He thought she would say his name.

The tears kept falling down her face. She couldn't stop them. In that moment she realized that things are not going to be easy, but after a few months she will most likely be fine. She will move on.

"Tony you are so?" Ziva said but was interrupted by Tony

"…handsome? funny? What?" He asked.

"Loved" she told him. He moved closer and grabbed her face. They kissed each other passionately their tongues were moving around each other. They both didn't want to let go of each other. They both want more ,but that is not how it works. That is not how life works for Tony and Ziva.

They finally let go of each other. As he walked away from her, he said "Hardest 180 of my life"

Why didn't she told him "I love you" instead of "loved" because she really did love him. That is another regret that she will carry with her for the rest of her life. She watched him walk up the stairs and gave him one last smile. When he entered the plane she broke down. There were more tears making its way down her cheek. She couldn't stop crying. The men she loved the most just left. And she, well she just needed to move on.