A/N: Ah, here we go but is this the moment you have been waiting for…..?
Um….eeeep. *Runs and hides*
But this is me. Do you think I would have made it THAT easy? Oh and I got a new hat because I was so happy about the return of Billy in this week's episode, I just had to celebrate. *Squeeee's*
Sorry guys, I told you the plot would thicken!
Thanks so much to SSC. I'm thinking of you babe and please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you at this current point in time. Your help, as always, is a blessing. *Big hugs*.
And off we go…..
Chapter 69
Sara looked around the immediate vicinity but couldn't see anyone, so she thought Grissom may be in the cabin. It took her a few moments to pluck up the courage to head towards his dwelling but finally, her legs moved and she stepped forward.
"Would you like me to come with you, Miss?" Curtis asked as she began to walk away.
She didn't stop; if she did, she may not move again. "No, it's fine, Curtis. You just stay there. I won't be long."
"Whatever you say, Miss."
Sara could hear the birds as she walked. They sounded so far away although they were so close and the nearer she got to the cabin, the heavier her legs became. She was still actually trying to work out what to say. She had destroyed this man and he had every right to turn her away and refuse her any form of explanation. She just prayed he would allow her to speak…to apologize…even to beg.
She loved him, she had never stopped loving him, but could he still love her after what she had done to him?
For her own sake and that of their child, she prayed he could forgive her. If he didn't, Sara couldn't even contemplate the consequences. An unmarried, pregnant woman? She would shame her entire family…be disowned…alone…a total outcast. Her baby would carry the stigma of being an illegitimate bastard child it's entire life…sharing the shame of his or her mother's transgression….a third rate citizen…..never to be treated fairly by polite society.
The thought almost made her cry.
She felt sick again but upon reaching the steps, she sucked in a deep breath and managed to control the churning in her stomach. She could do this…she had to.
Once she reached the door, she sidestepped to look through the window. Her eyes narrowed as they scanned around the cabin, every single nerve ending in her body pinching, her heart pounding.
But she couldn't see him. Maybe he was in the kitchen? Stepping back to the door, she raised her hand and strummed her knuckles against the woodwork.
She waited.
Nothing.
She knocked again.
Still nothing.
"Can I help you?"
Sara jumped upon hearing the voice and spun around. "Hodges," she exclaimed as the worker gawked at her from the bottom of the steps, "you startled me."
"Ohhh…Miss Sara?" Hodges eyes widened upon seeing her, the obvious surprise etched plainly upon his face.
"Hello," Sara responded with a feeble smile.
Hodges climbed a couple of steps. "I didn't know you were coming today. Grissom didn't mention anything."
"Well…he didn't know I was coming. Is he…here?"
"No, I'm sorry. He went out of town yesterday, to a horse market; he won't be back until late tonight."
Sara felt her heart sink.
"If you're in town for a while you could probably pop back tomorrow," Hodges added.
With a somber shake of her head, Sara tried to control the dizzy feeling that washed over her. He wasn't there…She could just cry. "I'm…heading home today. This was my only chance to see him while I was close by."
Hodges climbed another step, noting her distress. "Would you like me to pass on a message?"
Sara sighed, her whole body slumping in defeat but then again, she could leave a message and return, couldn't she? Did she have any other choice? "Yes…a message," she mumbled. "Just give me a few minutes." Quickly, she turned and entered the cabin as Hodges watched on.
Her breath became short as she stepped inside and memories of the amazing time she had spent here with Grissom came flooding back. She fought off a sob and rushed to Grissom's dresser to where she knew he kept paper and ink. Sitting at the dresser, she placed pen to paper and began writing…
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Some twenty minutes later Sara emerged from the cabin to find Hodges was still standing at the bottom of the steps, waiting. He had looked a little surprised when she had just gone inside the cabin but at that point in time, Sara didn't really care when he thought.
She had folded her letter carefully and sealed it with wax, just in case Grissom's helper decided to take a peek at her message. As she descended the steps, she held out the letter.
"Can you please give this to Grissom when he returns?" she asked.
"Of course," Hodges replied curiously eyeing the letter as he took it.
Nodding her thanks, Sara pointed to the coach. "I must be going and thanks again."
Tipping his hat, Hodges smiled. "No problem."
Offering the worker a feeble smile in return, Sara headed back to the coach.
"Do what you needed to do, Miss?" Curtis asked, opening the door for her.
"Not exactly," came Sara's disappointed reply. "But for now, it's all I can do."
Curtis frowned, obviously he had no idea what Sara meant and she just smiled at him. "Let's get back shall we?" she suggested.
"Yes, Miss," Curtis agreed. He took Sara's hand as she boarded, helping her into the vehicle.
The coach set off and Sara fought hard to keep herself together. She so desperately needed to see Grissom but alas her attempt had been quashed and with them leaving in barely a few hours, she knew her only other alternative was to return at the earliest possibility.
She had to return. Alone.
Had Sara known that Grissom wouldn't be at home, she would have feigned enough interest in shopping to have allowed them to stay another day. But her mother was already suspicious enough and there was now a pressing need to talk to her father. The engagement must be called off and she would do it with or without his permission. Considering her current condition, she really had no other option. But then again, pregnant or not, she wasn't marrying Hank Pedigrew, that she had decided. All she needed now…was to tell him…
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As the wagon rolled away from the Grissom estate, neither passenger nor driver saw that they had a follower. A very intrigued follower…Kurt, keeping his distance but he had seen Sara's every move.
He was unsure why Sara had come here, or indeed, who this land belonged to but he decided he had enough time to find out. After all, it was his job to report worthy news to his boss and something was telling him that Hank would want to know about this.
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Sara got back to the hotel sooner than she expected, just a little after 10am. But if Grissom had been home, she knew she would have been gone longer.
After thanking Curtis, she hurried back to the room to find her mother was already awake and sitting up in bed.
"Morning, Mother," Sara said softly as she closed the door behind her and approached the bed.
Laura offered her daughter a smile. "Good morning," she replied. "And what have you been up to already this morning?"
Stopping dead in her tracks, Sara attempted to look innocent. "Um…what do you mean?"
As Laura kicked her legs over the side of the bed, she sniggered. "I expected you to still be in bed, after all, you did stay awake until after I was asleep, remember?"
Sara twisted her shoe into the floor beneath her foot. "Well, I wanted to ensure you were alright."
"Hmmmm…" Laura stretched as she stood, "And that, I really do appreciate."
"How are you feeling?" Sara asked.
Licking her lips, Laura chinked her neck. "Fine but a little dehydrated."
Moving quickly, Sara reached for the water jug on the bed side table and poured a glass of water. She held it out to her mother. "Here, drink this, it should help a little."
"Thanks." Laura took the glass and swiftly swallowed the contents with a sigh of satisfaction quickly following. She placed the glass down and then looked to her daughter. "So where have you been?" she asked with an arched brow.
"Oh…" Sara tried to think, "…here…there…nowhere really. Just…you know…thinking. I was up early, so I didn't want to wake you."
With a tender smile, Laura reached a hand to her daughters face and softly caressed her cheek. "Did you even sleep at all?"
Sara was honest and shook her head.
"You look tired," Laura pointed out the obvious.
With a lengthy sigh, Sara now nodded. "I feel tired," she admitted. "But I am struggling to sleep."
Now Laura cupped Sara's face with both hands, stepping closer. "I'm not surprised with all the pressure you have been under and keeping everything inside but now…things get better, okay?"
"I hope so," Sara whispered, uncertain of her own response. All she could really do was hope.
"They will," Laura said encouragingly now. "Just remember you have done nothing wrong. You're father will understand, you just need to speak to him. He needs to know how you feel and...that you were forced into the engagement, okay?"
Sara nodded her reply, although the thought of telling her father that she was taking away his only way at recovering terrified her.
"Let's get packed up and on our way, shall we?" Laura suggested.
"Oh…" Sara broke from her thought, "…yes, Mother." She stepped away and began gathering her belongings from the bedside table.
Laura did the same but added a final comment. "And…once we are on the road, we can continue our little talk from last night…talk about you and Gil…"
Sara froze as she grabbed her hair brush and swallowed hard. "Yes, Mother," she mumbled unable to turn and face her.
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The Sidle party were all packed up and on the road back to Maryland. As Sara watched Washington and its surrounding lands disappear through the coach window, she sighed. Grissom had been so close yet…so far away. She would have to wait a few more days now before she could see him but she would see him.
She closed her eyes as the countryside took over from the city and suddenly her whole body felt rather light. She didn't even hear as her mother spoke her name…
"Sara?" Laura said softly but received no response. "Sara?" she repeated but again, no acknowledgment came from Sara. Leaning forward, Laura eyed her daughter very carefully and noted her light breathing. She was asleep.
Laura leaned back in her seat with a tender smile forming on her lips. Reaching under her seat she pulled out a blanket and laid if gently over Sara's sleeping form. "Sleep, my child," she whispered. "I know you need it."
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Grissom arrived home just before nightfall and he was very pleased with his new purchase. After placing his new stallion and Dante to bed, he exited the stable and almost jumped out his skin when Hodges suddenly appeared in front of him.
"I see you're back," the young worker said, pointing out the obvious.
After glaring at his aid for a moment, Grissom closed the stable door. "Great observations, David," he returned flatly. "What are you still doing here anyway? I thought you would have gone home by now."
Reaching into his pocket, Hodges pulled out Sara's letter. "I had to give you this…I said I would so…"
Frowning deeply, Grissom plucked the letter from Hodge's fingers. "Who is this from?"
Clearing his throat, the younger man took a step backwards. He hesitated for a moment before offering a reply. "Miss Sara."
The ranchers head snapped up from the piece of paper and his eyes bore into his helper's. "I'm sorry…what did you just say?"
"I said it's from Miss Sara, she came by earlier but obviously you weren't here. She left the letter for you."
Grissom's mouth moved but nothing came out. His face betrayed the stunned surprise that he felt. Through his confused thoughts, he finally managed to speak. "She…was here?" he asked, half-gasping.
Hodges nodded, "This morning. She asked for you and left the note after I told her you wouldn't be back until this evening."
Running a shaky hand over his for head, Grissom stared at the letter. Why had Sara come? Why was she even in the area? What did she want? Without another word he side stepped his second and headed for the cabin. "Goodnight David," he shouted, leaving a very curious looking worker behind him.
On shaky legs, Grissom walked into the cabin. After lighting the newly replenished candles around the room, he slumped down on the bed and stared at the letter once again. Eventually, he plucked up the courage to open it and broke the seal. After taking a deep breath, his eyes floated upon Sara's perfect handwriting and he began reading…
"Gil, you are probably wondering why I came to see you and why I have left this letter for you, or how I even came to be in Washington for that matter. There is so much I need, no, must tell you, to explain and to apologize. I can't even express how sorry I am, not in a letter, you deserve so much more. I have so much to say to you but I need to say it to you in person and there is something that you MUST know. Something…I have to tell you. The way we parted was agonizing for you but for me also, for that I am so, so sorry, for any pain I have caused you but I need an opportunity to explain and let you know what you need to know.
I shall return in a few days, I have to and I pray you will listen to what I have to say.
Please remember I never stopped loving you, no matter what you may think or what I have done to you.
I do love you, I always will.
Sara.
Grissom blinked hard, his brain trying to form some logic out of what he had just read. He was, at first, baffled…concerned but then, a sudden pang of anger burned in his gut. Who the hell did she think she was? She had quite literally thrown him out of her life, not giving him the time of day at the party or any opportunity to seek why she was acting so horribly towards him.
He threw the letter onto the floor and pushed himself up with a huff. He needed a drink.
He entered the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of scotch. With haste, he filled a glass and downed the contents. It burned…but it felt good. He refilled his glass, grabbed the bottle and exited the kitchen. Slamming the bottle down onto the bed side dresser, he slumped back down onto the bed.
Shaking his head, he swiftly emptied his second glass of alcohol and tightly clenched his eyes closed. Why was she doing this to him? As the word why echoed through his brain, his right eye popped open, followed by the left and his glance fell upon the letter. Even though he was angry, he knew something was…was…he didn't know. Something didn't feel right.
And Sara was going to return?
He didn't understand what was going on and all of a sudden a cloud of worry formed over him. For Sara to come to him after everything that had happened…it had to be important.
What was he supposed to do?
Sighing, he put his glass down and rubbed he eyes. All he could do…was wait…
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Laura had insisted that the coaches continue as quickly as possible, with few stops. An exhausted Sara slept all the way through until the approaching darkness forced the travelers to stop for the night.
They had indeed made fast progress and Kurt was pleased that they had reached the hotel that he had organized to meet Hank at if he had anything to report. It saved him sneaking out and traveling in the night. At least now, he could get a little rest but not just yet…he had to find his boss and tell him where Sara had been…
A/N: Thanks, as always for all your brilliant reviews. I have actually been on a mad writing spree this week (must because I get to be UBER BAD at the part I'm at) and I do have 3 chapters waiting for all you lovely people. The poop, is very much about to hit that good old fan. Are you ready?