Chapter 3 : Lullaby

Kashuu smiled when he saw children running past the gate of Citadel. They were laughing and playing around with their group, obviously enjoying themselves in the middle of the hot summer. A spray of cold water could make them squeal in delight. Sometimes, just seeing those cheerful children was enough for a smile to grace his lips. Kashuu retrieved a water can and started watering the bushes. Doing his chores while listening to the children's laughter was actually not bad at all.

Yasusada, who was tending the flowers, noticed his smiling face from his crouching spot. Never had he ever seen him smile like that before. How he wished he could capture every moment of his smile. All he had ever seen was just the tears that he shed almost every night. He frowned and looked down at the flowers that he was tending before him. Maybe these flowers had often seen his smile? Distracted by his jealousy, he accidentally cut the stem of the most beautifully bloomed innocent flower, and pouted when he heard Kashuu yelling from his side.

"Yasusada! Treat the flowers with care will you?! I spent a lot of time tending to them!"

"Sorry…" Yasusada muttered an apology and stood up straight.

"Where are you going?" Kashuu asked.

"Just… training? I mean, I'm almost done with the chores here anyway." Yasusada shrugged and left the angry Kashuu. He let out a sigh and patted on his own chest. Why did he love making Kashuu angry so much? Little did he realize that he actually preferred to hear Kashuu's angry tone over his crying. At least after that bridge incident, Kashuu was slowly regaining his health back, though that didn't stop his tears during night time. It was either he had a bad dream or was simply crying his eyes out. There were times when he really wanted to just cuddle and comfort him but… Horikawa kept telling him to wait. Just how long should he wait…?

"Maybe you should change room?" Kanesada asked in an obvious bored tone. Yasusada grunted at him.

"I wish you could have given me another better option."

"Does he still… you know, have random mysterious wounds?" Horikawa asked carefully.

Yasusada shook his head. "I haven't seen it again… Or maybe he's being more secretive now because of how I reacted last time."

"In that case then maybe you should pay a closer attention to him. I don't think changing room is a good suggestion."

"But Kunihiro, if his crying is keeping Yasusada from sleeping well it would be bad for him during the day. He needs to be well rested if he has a faraway expedition or if he has to fight at his full strength…"

"But Kane-san… what if Kashuu—" and the two kept debating back and forth that Yasusada had already given up on seeking for a proper answer.

Nagasone Kotetsu was deep in thought right after he heard the problem.

"I think you should talk to him, but don't forget to treasure and respect his feelings at the same time. If you tried making him talk and he still insists on being secretive then don't force him," he advised. "You should gain his trust first. I think by the time he let you see him cry, you will know what to do to stop his tears," the big brother patted on his shoulder.

"You think so…?" Yasusada asked meekly, looking down to the ground.

"Don't worry, he is your partner. I'm sure he will open up to you if you have faith in my words."

Yasusada gave him a slow nod.

The sun was setting when he heard the children walking past the gate. Some of them were crying while the others were cheerfully singing a soothing lullaby of some sort. He smiled to the short song and continued sweeping the ground until the bell rang, signaling that it was already dinner time.

Soft sniffles could be heard in the dark room. Yasusada stirred slightly from his sleep. He blinked and rolled over to his side, staring at Kiyomitsu's back. It was slowly becoming a melody to him every night; a sad melody to his ears. He softly sighed before opening his mouth to sing the song he heard from the children that were playing near the gate of Citadel. He assumed that their parents were always singing the same song whenever they had to comfort them.

"Never cry, never lose hope.

It will be alright once you start smiling.

Your smile brings the light to everyone.

Your laugh is the most beautiful music.

You are precious."

Yasusada could see Kashuu's back tensed up. He couldn't let this keep going on every night. The guy seriously needed some comfort. Yasusada slid off his blanket and crawled towards his partner.

"Kiyo…"

"Don't look at me…"

"I heard you every night. I don't want you to keep crying like this. Why can't you share your problem with me, Kiyo…?"

"Yasusada, give it a rest, will you? What's the use of me telling you anyway?"

"It might help a little, Kiyo." He gently touched Kashuu's back, trying to get his partner to look at him in the eyes.

"Just go back to sleep," Kashuu said flatly, pulling the blanket over his head. Yasusada looked at him sadly and frowned. But still, he lay beside him and wrapped his arm around the blanket.

"Kiyomitsu… Please cheer up, I love your smile. Why do you never show your smile to me? All I ever see is your tears and sorrow…" The person beneath the blanket started sobbing uncontrollably. He rolled away from Yasusada and glared at him from beneath the blanket. Yasusada's eyes widened in surprise when he saw Kashuu's face – his eyes were puffy from all the crying. His cheeks were red with embarrassment; stained wet and warm. His heart thumped slightly the moment their eyes met. Yasusada felt his cheeks getting hotter by the second.

"Kiyomitsu…" he whispered as he lightly touched his cheek.

Kashuu stared back at him, feeling Yasusada's thumb brushing the tears away from the corner of his eyes and frowned when he pressed their foreheads together. The dim moonlight helped him to see his partner in the darkness. Kashuu could see his own reflection in his partner's orbs. He could feel Yasusada's eyelashes brushing against his own cheekbone softly when he kissed him on his cheek.

"Don't cry… you are much more beautiful when you smile…" Yasusada said, trailing kisses down his jaw. Kashuu didn't say anything as he trembled from the kisses. The guy slowly inched towards his lips but paused for a moment as if wondering if Kashuu would push him away before he softly pressed his lips against him. Kashuu sucked in his breath at the contact. Yasusada caressed his hair and pushed him down on the futon, making the brunette moan softly when he deepened the kiss. Their kiss became more passionate the moment Kashuu gripped Yasusada's kimono sleeve. Yasusada forcefully delved his tongue into Kashuu's hot cavern while nudging his legs apart. The guy beneath him gasped at the feeling of his tongue clashing with his partner's.

"Unnggh…" Kashuu groaned when Yasusada sucked on his tongue, saliva trailed down from the corner of his mouth. Kashuu slightly opened his eyes, pulling on his untied long hair.

"Kiyomitsu…" Yasusada sighed, trailing his kisses down his jaw, and then his neck before biting him softly on his left shoulder.

Kashuu trembled with pleasure beneath him, writhing and hissing at the bite. He ran his fingers through Yasusada's locks, moaning softly as Yasusada continued marking him on his collar bone.

"Aah… Okita-san…"

Yasusada stopped, eyes widened in shock. Kashuu instantly covered his mouth as soon as the name slipped through his lips.

"You…"

As soon as their eyes met with each other, Kashuu looked away, blushing furiously.

"Forget it, Yasusada…"

"Kiyo… Is that the reason why you're avoiding me? Is that the reason you cried every night? I thought… I thought you were mad at him for tossing you aside… So you hated me for staying with him…?"

The brunette shot him a glare.

"Obviously I'm mad at him for tossing me aside! I'm mad at the person who once treasured me the most… and I hate you… for constantly reminding me of him with your resemblance to him…" Kashuu started to sob as he sat up.

Yasusada looked down sadly.

"Get out of my sight…"

The man before him was flabbergasted at the command.

"What?"

"Get away from me! I don't want to see you right now… Choose your own room… Please just… go away…"

"Kiyo..."

"Just… go…"

Yasusada opened his mouth, but he didn't object him because Kashuu sent him a death glare.

"Fine…" He stood up and left him alone in the room.

Kashuu stared after the closed door in front of him. His room felt much colder than before. He pulled the blankets around him and started to cry all alone.

'Why do I have to love someone who threw me away…?' Drowning in his own sadness made him realized that maybe he was better left off not having a soul at all. Being human is much more painful than being a sword. He would be better off as a lump of steel rather than a living human, which could easily be broken by just a single emotion called 'love'.