Chapter 4 : Comfort

Horikawa was pacing around the hallway, ready in his training suit and humming softly. He enjoyed every morning of his training while breathing in the fresh air. He tried waking Kanesada up before but gave up long ago because the man was hardly a morning person. As soon as he turned to the right corner of the hallway, he spotted Yasusada sitting in front of his room, resting his back against the wall. The man was sleeping soundly while hugging his sword.

"Huh? Why did he… did they get in a fight?" Horikawa looked at the door to Kashuu's room. He slowly slid the door open and was about to peek inside but a hand caught his wrist and made him jump in surprise. He whipped around and saw Yasusada, who was already wide awake, shaking his head disapprovingly at his attempt.

"Let him sleep…" Yasusada murmured and slowly rose to his feet.

"You startled me. I am about to train… Interested in a spar?" Horikawa offered, sliding the door close as silently as he could.

"I will just have something for breakfast instead," Yasusada winced while massaging his stiff neck. "Uggh, I guess I'm spoiled already… I'm not used on sleeping like that anymore," Yasusada grunted, following Horikawa to the kitchen.

Horikawa chuckled at him. He bent down in front of the refrigerator and took enough eggs for both of them.

"It will be awhile before breakfast, so I guess I'll make some eggs for only the two of us for now."

"Sure…" Yasusada accepted his offer and sighed while he took a seat. He leaned down on the table, groaning when he recalled the incident from last night.

'Kiyo had been in love with Okita…? How come I never know that…?'

As soon as Horikawa started to cook, the smell of the fried eggs made his stomach growl. Horikawa laughed and Yasusada choked at the sound his stomach made.

"May I know why you were sleeping outside the room?" Horikawa grinned while flipping the egg.

"… I kissed him"

Horikawa almost dropped his spatula in shock. "W-what?!" he exclaimed. His cheeks turned red at the guy's confession.

Yasusada sighed and rested his chin on his palm. "His lips are so soft too…" he mumbled absent-mindedly.

"Wait. Elaborate please?" Horikawa interrupted.

"He wouldn't stop crying… I just had to do something…" he sighed, massaging his temples.

The raven raised his eyebrow at him before turning his attention back to their eggs and switched the stove off. He retrieved two plates and prepared the eggs with some tomatoes and cucumbers while carrying on the conversation.

"Even if he cried you shouldn't…" he trailed off when he saw Yasusada's face turning slightly pink.

"He was just so beautiful that I couldn't help it."

The conversation turned more awkward the more they delved into the topic.

"Right..." Horikawa murmured, putting Yasusada's plate in front of him. He dragged a seat for himself and started picking on a piece of cucumber with his fork.

"Did you just agree with me?" Yasusada raised an eyebrow, not even bothering to hide his jealousy.

Horikawa choked in the middle of picking up a piece of cucumber on his plate. He coughed a few times before regaining his breath. He swallowed before setting his fork down. "I have… Kane-san, alright?"

The man in front of him pursed his lips, forgetting the fact that they were dating. "Just keep this matter to yourself." Yasusada sighed and picked up his fork too. Horikawa had no objection at all towards his request.

The sunlight illuminated through the window of his room. Kashuu stirred, groaning as he shifted from his side. He blinked a few times before he pushed away his blanket and sat up groggily. He rubbed his sleepy face, stretched and yawned.

"What a night…" he sighed and rose to his feet. He absent-mindedly took out some clothes from the wardrobe and walked outside to the onsen.

As soon as he entered the onsen, he discarded his clothes and examined his reflection in the mirror. There he saw a mark on his neck, right shoulder and collarbone. His eyes widened after realizing that those marks were hickeys. "That guy… I'll kill him today!" He cursed out aloud, turning away from the reflection of himself. Kashuu immediately rinsed himself while letting loose a string of curses. The recollection of him being pinned against the futon, the feeling of Yasusada's chapped lips and tongue was easily overpowering him. Kashuu felt his cheeks getting hotter by the second. The worst case was… he called that guy's name…!

"Ahh… Okita-san"

Kashuu bit his lower lip, looking down in shame. Now Yasusada knew how he felt towards their late master. Not to mention that he really resembled Okita… Kashuu cupped his mouth remorsefully at the mental image. He punched the nearby tile, and subsequently yelped in pain.

"Shit!"

He stared at the scrape on his fist. They were going to have an expedition today and Kashuu was selected to lead the team. He had no choice even with this small injury, right?

'Even if I'm broken and repaired… I will never shine brightly like before… No matter how thick I apply my concealer, the wound is still there behind it… This pain… just won't go away…'

Kashuu quickly rinsed his hand with cold water.

The sun was glaring down on Kashuu's troops by the time they returned from an expedition. He hadn't got a chance to meet Yasusada. He was lucky that his red scarf was always wrapped around his neck. It was enough to hide the mark that Yasusada had left on him. He adjusted his scarf and exhaled in relief as soon as Citadel's gate came into view. He was going to be able to get some rest after being under the scorching sun for a few hours. One of the reasons behind his hatred for summer was because the heat was unbearable. The tantous within the team started talking about fresh water and watermelon.

As soon as the gate opened, Kashuu walked in. He almost bumped into Yasusada. Both of them looked at each other awkwardly as soon as their gaze met. Yasusada shifted his legs nervously from side to side. The small tantous were staring at them questioningly while waiting impatiently to get inside the gate. Kashuu jerked on Yasusada's scarf and dragged him away from the team behind him.

"Hngh! Wait, Kiyomitsu-"

"Shut up and follow me!" He pulled him towards the bushes, looking right and left before setting the guy free. He glared at Yasusada who was frowning in confusion. Kashuu pulled the red scarf away from his own neck and angrily pointed to the mark.

"This is your doing! Your fault! It's still there!"

"I'm sorry…" The guy was blushing furiously now while apologizing with his eyes averted.

"Don't ever do that again…" Kashuu's feature turned sad. The wind was blowing gently as the silence stretched on between the both of them.

"Is it because of Okita…?"

"Don't take me wrong! I hate him…" Kashuu turned around to leave.

However, Yasusada caught his wrist before he could get away. His partner gasped at the pain shooting up his wrist. Yasusada noticed it and quickly tugged on his armband.

"Yasusada! Stop-"

"You are injured!"

Kashuu pulled his hand away and kept a distance from him. "I'm fine," he hissed at him before quickly walking away, escaping from his protesting partner.

Kashuu walked hastily back to his room and slammed the door close. He quickly discarded his outer clothes and took off his armband. Blood had started seeping through his white sleeved shirt. Kashuu breathed out, staring at the wound. Something in him told him to keep breaking; to return to nothing and never be refined again. Tears blurred his vision at the memory of Okita walking out of his sight. Being abandoned near the riverbank… it was as if waiting for him to be washed away any time. The brunette gazed at his wrist and chuckled. He took his sword and held the blade against his wrist.

I want to turn into nothing.

He carefully slit his wrist.

I don't want to live without being loved.

His hand trembled at the sight of blood dripping down his wrist by just a simple cut.

They will just abandon me again soon.

Kashuu whimpered, sobbing uncontrollably.

Return to nothing and forget about Okita…

Yasusada barged in, gasping for breath. His face went pale at the sight before him.

"KIYO!" He ran up to him and pulled him into a tight embrace. Kashuu heard his voice just before he fell into the dark abyss.

TBC