Something was wrong.

Sam could feel it in his bones. He didn't know why, but his whole body had suddenly and inexplicably gone on high alert. It was early one morning, and looking around for Mercedes he realized that she wasn't in view. She'd gone to answer a call of nature and should have been back by now. He knew ahe couldn't be having another of her female sessions because she'd only just ended the last one.

Maybe she was sick or had had an accident? Whatever it was, something wasn't right. His gut told him so and his gut was never wrong. "Mercedes?" He called out but there was no reply. "Mercedes? Can you hear me?"

Still nothing.

During times like this she would always stay in earshot and she would always reply, even if it was just to let him know that everything was fine. It was something they'd agreed right at the beginning of their journey. There was no reason to randomly change that now.

His stomach instantly knotted and started turning summersaults. There were so many things that could have gone wrong. She could have fallen and injured herself, she could be lying unconscious, hidden by the undergrowth, having been bitten or stung by something poisonous. She could have been attacked by a wild animal- no but surely if that had happened he would have heard her scream?

Instead there was nothing.

Silence.

He would have preferred a scream. At least that would have given him a direction in which to head. It meant that he simply had to follow the route that he thought that she had taken. He hadn't exactly been watching too hard when she'd gone. "Mercedes?" He knew the anxiety was evident in his voice but he didn't care. Maybe it would cause her to actually reply. It didn't. His gut was telling him to move and to move fast! He stopped only briefly at his bag.

When he found her, if she wasn't already dead he was going to kill her for scaring him like this!

"Mercedes!" This time his voice was angry and he didn't even care if she knew it. He traced what he thought her steps would been, the logical route that she would take to find somewhere secluded but safe.

And then in a blink of an eye, everything happened at once.

By now he'd been running, desperate, the sense of dread in the pit of his stomach causing him to feel physically sick. "MERCE-" He loudly crashed through some undergrowth the moment he saw her. She was stood still as a statue directly in front of him, facing something. Following her line of sight he immediately saw that something was a bear which had been standing staring right back at her. The noise of his shouting and entry broke their silent stalemate, Mercedes's sudden distraction giving the animal the upper hand. The bear roared and leaped forwards towards her, rapidly closing the distance between them. She screamed and in her haste fell backwards, unable to scramble away. Sam felt adrenaline course through his veins. It was a split second decision and he didn't even think about it. Now that Mercedes had fallen to the ground it gave him a clear line of sight. He pulled gun the she didn't know he still had from the waistband of his pants and immediately fired. For a second the bear didn't even break its stride as it hurtled towards them. Then, just before it reached her it keeled over to the side and didn't move again.

"Mercedes!" She was sat where she had fallen, frozen in a stunned silence. Without even thinking he skidded to the ground next to her and scooped her into his arms. She was like a statue, frozen and stiff in his arms and he held her as tightly as he could. Pushing her face into his chest he looked over to where the bear had fallen, barely a meter away from her. Its eyes were wide open and there was a bleeding bullet hole directly between them. A perfect shot and he hadn't even been trying. But he couldn't feel proud of it. And it was disconcerting that she was still stiff as a board and unresponsive in his arms. Needing to take her away from the situation and the bear's body he lifted her and carried her back to the tent. She was silent and immobile the whole way. Sitting back down on the fallen log where they'd not long before eaten their breakfast he pulled her onto his lap and held her tight. "Mercedes. It's okay. You're safe. I'm here and I'm not letting you go." He planted a soft kiss on the top of her forehead and only then did she let go, her whole body shivering as if she were cold, the shock finally starting to sink in. He continued to hold her, rocking gently, the way he wished somebody had held a seven year old version of him after he'd witnessed the cold blooded murder of his family. Back when he was just a poor, confused and heartbroken little boy.

Finally the tears came, together with huge wracking gut wrenching sobs, her breath coming in sharp gasps and gulps. He continued to soothe her. "It's okay Jay. Just let it out." He hadn't called her that for a long time but it just felt right in that moment.

Sam didn't even realize he was crying himself. Suddenly what nearly happened started to sink in. He'd nearly lost her. And he didn't know what he would have done if he had lost her. Not just because she had the compass and was leading the way, but because somehow, somewhere along the way, he had lost where he ended and she began. They were a unit. They were one. The thought of travelling without her was a thought he refused to entertain. The thought of life without her was a thought that he didn't dare think about. Nothing was more important to him than the girl in his arms. His Angel. He wanted to erase all her shock and fear but he couldn't. All that he could do was hold her and be here. And that was exactly what he was going to do.

They sat together wordlessly for what felt like hours, Sam's tears were silent while hers were audible and uncontrolled. He held her so tightly he feared maybe he was constricting her breathing but whenever he tried to loosen his grip she'd begin to shake even more until he tightened his arms around her again. Sam had seen shock before and knew what it could do to a person.

Eventually the shaking and sobbing subsided and he could tell that she'd exhausted herself and fallen asleep. She curled up against him in his lap like a child and he stayed exactly as he was, holding her close, rocking her gently and humming some of the tunes she'd taught him, while resting his chin on the top of her head.

All the while he kept a lookout for more bears just in case.

It was a shock, a real shock, for so many reasons. Firstly, they'd been lucky and not really come across much wildlife at all apart from the odd harmless grass snake or the sound of coyotes deep in the distance. With the exception of the time they'd sheltered in the cave they hadn't even given too much thought to the possibilities of those dangers, other than the usual common sense precautions of staying within earshot of each other and never wandering far after dark without the flashlight.

What they were doing was already real, but now it was so much more real. The reality is that so far they'd been lucky. They needed to be far more careful from now on.

As for his Angel, his beautiful beautiful Angel... She'd been sent to protect him, and he would give his life to protect her. This strange fascinating girl... who wasn't really a girl. She was way more than just a girl. He remembered how hard it had hit him when he'd found out that she was only nineteen. It felt wrong. She felt wrong. Mercedes was far more mature than that. And his feelings for her were far more mature than that.

And now she wasn't nineteen, she was twenty. No longer a teenager and more than old enough to be married. So what exactly were his hang-ups over her? His inner war with himself that had led to his cowardice was becoming harder and harder to justify

He felt her start to shift in his lap as she eventually started to stir. "Are you okay?" It was a stupid question. He knew she wasn't, but had no idea what exactly he should be asking at a time like this.

Her response was a small nod. "Hold me some more?"

He'd hold her forever if she asked him. Or even if she didn't.

Her voice remained soft and childlike. "And will you still hum to me?"

Hell yes I will! Anything for you!

They sat. He held her. He hummed every tune he could think of and some he made up on the spot. All the while she nestled in his arms and he literally felt her taking energy and strength from him. Finally she pulled away. "I'm okay now." She stood slowly and stretched her legs. It wasn't true in the slightest. She wasn't nearly okay, but she was putting on a brave face and he let her do it for the sake of her own peace of mind. She leaned forward and touched his face, tenderly kissing his cheek, staring into his eyes and giving him a look that conveyed her thanks more deeply that she could have done with a thousand words. She didn't need to thank him. He would do it a thousand times over for her. But now that she was no longer in his lap he felt cold, colder than those first couple of nights when they slept separately and couldn't sleep. It wasn't a literal external cold, it was a physiological feeling, a coldness which equated to emptiness. He needed to be touching her. He needed her.

Even though she'd been drawing from him, he was still somehow drawing from her too. He watched as she closed her eyes and gave herself a mental pep talk. "We can't stay here."

He knew that. But he also didn't think she should be walking.

She read his mind. "I'll be fine to walk. Please Sam, I just want to go! I can't be here any longer!"

He didn't need telling twice. Within minutes the tent was packed and they were ready. He stood, looking out into the direction they would be heading when he felt her small hand slip into his.

And she didn't let go.

From that day forward it was like an unspoken agreement that they would hold hands while they walked together. Neither of them questioned it, they just did it. If one stopped, the other would hold out their hand until they were joined again.

The day after the bear incident she was still shaky, but the more distance they put behind them the better she got. He knew there was something eating away at her but wanted her to mention it in her own time. He wasn't sure how she was going to react or what he was going to say in response.

"Sam?" They were just cleaning up after dinner, this time ensuring that they left no trace of food outside at all in the fear of attracting more bears. They'd become lax with such things in the run up to the incident and were never going to be that foolhardy again.

This was it. He just knew it was.

"About the gun…"

He couldn't look at her and instead busied his hands with replacing the contents of his bag properly. "That gun saved your life Mercedes."

"I know. And I've already thanked you for it." She frowned and bit her lip. "I won't tell you to get rid of it because I see now how it is useful for our protection. But I just hope that one day… one day you'll see that you don't need a weapon. You won't always be out in the wild."

He said nothing and simply continued what he was doing although he could tell that she could see that he was still listening. "You're a good man Sam, a great man, and I hope that when that day comes, you can use your weapons of destruction for tools of construction instead. But for now I'm just going to let you keep being you as long as you promise never to let me see that gun again."

He looked up at her. He knew what she was trying to say. She hated the gun but she saw its purpose in this context and wasn't going to judge him for it. It was more than he ever could have asked from someone like her. Her principles meant more to her than anything. "I promise Mercedes", he said solemnly.

"Thanks Sam." She stood and walked over to him. Bending forward she kissed his forehead and brushed his hair away from his eyes, just the way he always liked it, before disappearing into the tent for some quiet time. It had taken a lot from her to bring up the subject and stirred up feelings she'd been trying to suppress.

He sighed and stared at the ground. How the hell was he going to handle this?He was falling in love with her. He'd reconciled himself to this fact and accepted it now, but he was still stuck. She was too good for him, far too good. And she could never be with someone so rotten to the core. It went against everything that she was.

There was no way on earth that she could possibly accept him.

A good girl like her does not belong with a gun slinger!

She deserved more than he could ever possibly give. It hurt him to be forced to accept that she was way out of his league.

The thought made his heart heavy. And for the first time he began to truly regret ever agreeing to do this.

It was making him want a life that he could never have.