CPOV
I don't think I have ever waited in anyone's office, ever. In fact, I don't recall waiting for anyone period. But here I am, staring out the window in Ana's office waiting for her to come in. Taylor alerts me when she's in the lobby so I go and sit down at one of the two chairs that face her desk. Don't want to seem too eager, Grey. Yea, that's your biggest problem you asshole.
As usual she looks great. Her dress is just the right mix of sexy and demure but the red color pushes it into the fuck me zone. She gives me the absolute sweetest 'good morning' and gratefully takes the coffee I've brought her. She's wearing her hair down in lose waves and it looks fucking fantastic. I bet it looks amazing down her back in a braid.
I'm doing well, I've found a reason to come and see her and we're on equal footing while we try to figure out one of the more challenging translations. When she leans over to me to see the document I'm momentarily suspended in time as her scent fills my head and the silky strands of her hair brushes against my face. Her tiny index finger traces along the paragraph and my dick stands at attention so that I'm forced to shift in my seat until I can regain control over my adolescent cock.
Andrea is at her station when I get back and follows me into the office to go over the days meetings, appointments and urgent matters.
"You've got your Thursday lunch with Ms. Lincoln at noon."
"Fuck, cancel it. I'm not going to lunch with her ever again so cancel all future lunches." Elena still hasn't gotten me the fucking books and the files and I am pissed. Very pissed.
"Yes, sir. Shall I have her removed from the approved visitor list as well?" It's no secret that Andrea is not Elenas biggest fan and in a rare moment of generosity I decide that I'll give her that honor once I figure out what to do.
"Not yet, I'll let you know when, we still have business together so there are going to be times she'll need to come to Grey House." Not for long if my suspicions are correct and they always are. Part of the reason I'm so good at what I do, both in the office and the bedroom is because I listen to my instincts. When I started working for Elena the summer I was 15, my gut reaction was to avoid her. But when a sexually mature and manipulative woman comes on to you at the height of your sexual awakening, it is all but impossible to say no.
My instincts with her now are the same. I need to avoid her and cut our ties but it's become so complicated between us that I don't really know how to untangle myself from our 'arrangement'. Monetarily speaking she does little for me. The current $1.5 million I receive from her salon chain is petty cash for me and is the smallest return I get on any of my investments. Emotionally I find that I'm either repulsed, frustrated or annoyed by her. My only real reliance on her at this point is my dependency on her to acquire and cultivate my subs. She, however, cannot operate her business without me due to the fact that I guarantee her line of credit and her business loan. If I can remove myself from that dependency I'm free of her outside of our 'lifestyle'.
I'm just about to text Ana to see if she wants to get some lunch when my intercom buzzes.
"Sir, Ms. Lincoln is here to see you." I look at the clock. Right on schedule, cancel at 10, here at 12:15. So predictable.
"Send her in." I put my suit jacket on and lean back in my chair. She's going to be expecting a greeting but right now, the only thing I want to greet is the junction of Anastasias thighs and this hag is taking up precious time I could be using to make that happen.
"Christian, how are you darling? Are you ill?" I roll my eyes, of course I'm not ill, I never get sick. Her fake concern grates on me and I launch right into attack mode before she can make her way to me.
"Did you not understand what 'Mr. Grey can't make lunch today' meant? Why are you here now?" I know she assumed I'd change my mind and call her by now but I want to hear her say it so that I can cut her down. "And why hasn't Tony received the information, Elena? Do you think I make idle threats?"
She's momentarily thrown off before the cold mask falls again and she sits, uninvited, on the couch in my sitting area. The last person to sit there was Ana and for some reason, having Elena there infuriates me.
"I'll get him the things he needs, I just need the time to gather it all together. You should be happy I've been so busy with the salons, they're making money hand over fist." She cackles and waves her hand in the air, insolent and dismissive.
"You've had plenty of time and times up. I told you if you didn't provide it all by tomorrow I was pulling my backing and I meant it. Test me, Elena, test me." What was I thinking going into business with her? Fuck knows it wasn't guilt and I certainly didn't want to just help so why did I do this to myself? Obligation? Blinding stupidity?
"Christian, I can't help but notice how tense you are and how this little issue is so much bigger than it needs to be. You're losing control here and you and I both know what you need to get it back. My god, look at you, you're basically screaming for a sub! Let me help you!"
That's it, I've done what I could over the years to temper my, well, temper when it comes to Elena due to our history and the fact that she's my only friend but I can't do it anymore.
"Elena!" I shout so that she'll stop talking. Maybe I do need a new submissive, I'm definitely losing control but the idea of contracting a sub still doesn't feel right. "I am not talking about this with you anymore. Get me the fucking books. Tomorrow. We're done here, don't contact me again unless it's to tell me, tomorrow, that you've gotten Tony the files. Now get out."
She stands and collects her bag, arrogantly throwing it over her shoulder before walking to the door. I'm still yelling, I don't even know about what anymore but it feels good to unleash on her.
"I'll get the books to Tony tomorrow and I'll line up the interview with Shayla for next week. You're going to have a stroke if you don't get some relief soon. Trust me, this one can take it." My yelling temporarily halts as her audacity shocks me and she uses the opportunity to open the door and walk out. Thank fuck. Every time I see her I can stand her that much less.
I hear Andrea ask Ana if she wanted to see me and the realization that Ana and Elena are in the same area, probably about to get on the elevator together brings instant panic to me and I rush out of my office. Ana absolutely cannot be tainted by Elena Lincoln.
I drag her into my office like a caveman without so much as a glance at Elena and shut the door. Why is this so upsetting to me? I'm almost panting with anger, the fury I feel inside visible in the tight fists of my hands and the sheen of sweat on my brow. Get a fucking grip!
"What are you doing? I was just going to go get something to eat!" I look her up and down looking for damage, as if just her being next to Elena could hurt her.
"I thought I heard Andrea say you needed me." I did hear that but the truth is I'd have dragged her in here whether Andrea said something or not. There is no way in fuck I'm going to let Elena fucking Lincoln get a good look at Ana.
I've got to call my auditor to apply more pressure on her and I've got to call my attorney's to get the ball rolling on withdrawing my loan guarantee. As delectable as Ana looks right now and as much as I could use the mental break she always seems to afford me, I've got to deal with this immediately so I check my watch, plenty of time has elapsed for Elena to be gone but I glance out anyway.
I'm so fired up right now that I'm actually hot but Ana reaches up with her soft hand and gently pulls my hand away from my hair, instantly calming me. I'm startled by the gentle contact, no one touches me, ever. My subs are bound almost all of the time we're in the playroom and even then they touch my dick and that's it. I do the touching, I define the parameters. My family keeps their physical distance with the exception of Mia, she's the only one that my body doesn't register as a threat, but even her embraces are quick.
"You make your call, I'll grab you something to eat and when I get back, you can fill me in if you're up for it. If not, you can eat in peace."
I can't manage any more than a pathetic sounding, "OK" and then she's gone. What the hell was that? Why am I so pissed? Yes, I'm pissed about what I'm pretty sure is Lincolns embezzlement but it's more than that, this was visceral and felt personal. You're protecting what's yours and whether Ana knows it or not, she belongs to you.
Anastasia. Anastasia meeting, talking or touching Elena. Anastasia who represents all the good in the world and Elena who represents the bad. I feel protective and fearful. Fearful? Of what? Of Ana finding out who you really are you scum. Elena Lincoln is your dirty little secret.
I sit and make my calls and while I'm on with my lawyer Ana comes in and hands me a chicken parmesan sub and an iced tea. I smile at her and she turns to go. I want her to touch me again. The revelation terrifies me and I text Taylor to make me an appointment for me to see Flynn tonight.
Hi, hope you've calmed down. You seemed to need some comfort food so hopefully this will help.
I crack a smile when I see her text.
-It was the perfect choice and delicious. What did you get?-
The same! Except I may or may not have also bought myself a Reeces Cup
-Why the Pilates?-
Jerk!
-Better do a double session! You've got a dress to fit in-
I'm rolling my eyes at you and your perfect metabolism.
That witty mouth of hers is going to get her ass spanked one of these days and I can't wait.
"Taylor, I'll go and collect Ms. Steele, you can wait in the car." I know this isn't a date but in my head, in my own twisted fantasy world, that's exactly what this is. I've been up since four, the redundant nightmares visiting me again. I was too on edge to go back to sleep though, I cannot wait to see Anastasia and have her to myself for the night. Maybe she'll wear that black dress again.
"Sir."
I look good in a tux, I know this, but I've still pulled out all the stops. An expert shave and hair cut from Franco and to his delight I even let him 'clean up' my eyebrows. I worked out three times today to try to alleviate some tension; mental, physical and sexual and it seemed to take the edge off until I got in the car and pulled up in front of her apartment building. One deep breath and four stories later I knock at her door and attempt to control my nerves. You are pathetic.
Anastasia opens the door and all the inbred good manners I was raised with fly out the door along with the air in my lungs. She looks amazing and she literally leaves me speechless. I blink a few times and she smiles at me but I can tell she's checking me out as well. Yes!
"Ana, you look…..stunning. Truly stunning." She lowers her eyes in embarrassment and shyly thanks me. "Hey," I lift her chin up again so that she's looking right at me, "You are a dazzlingly beautiful woman and you need to know that."
With a small shake of her shoulders she says, "Thank you" again but this time, she looks me in the eyes. When she turns to retrieve her clutch I take the opportunity to really check out her dress. It's black and short with long sleeves and fuck me sideways it's backless. I groan, audibly, but thankfully she doesn't hear me. The dress is flattering to her figure but it's her shoes that kill me. Five inch black stilettos with an open toe showing off her black pedicured nails. Well fuuuuck me. Ms. Steele has a wild side.
When we leave she takes my proffered arm and we travel down the elevator, that almost unbearable pull is heavy between us and she seems eager to get outside. With her looking like that, I'm grateful she only lives on the fourth floor. Taylor greets us with a slight nod and opens the door. I still haven't figured out if he was flirting with her the other day but I know he and Mrs. Jones are pretty serious and he doesn't seem like the kind of guy to fuck with that.
"You look good, Christian. You definitely know how to wear a tux." She's being playful and I reciprocate keeping the atmosphere light but the minute we pull up to the Fairmont I can feel the shift come over her. There are about 20 photographers here and while this is annoying and part of my life, it's not something she's used to at all.
"You'll be fine, just stay next to me and don't say anything. It'll be over with before you know it."
"Isn't there a back entrance I can go in? They're not interested in me anyway so I can just skip this part." Oh no you don't. I want to be seen with you and I want you to be seen with me. I may be trying to do the right thing now but I'm still going to lay the groundwork for later. Tonight is the first move I make in which I let the world know that Anastasia Steele is mine.
She just offers me a small shrug while I help her out of the car, flash bulbs going off from every direction. She stands and gives me a tiny smile and I take her hand and put it in the bend of my elbow and lead her through the line, ignoring the shouts and screams asking who she is. A few times I feel her start to move off and I flex my arm, squeezing her hand to my side so that she can't get away.
"Oh my god, how do you deal with that? That was awful!" When we get inside I grab two champagne flutes from the bar and she downs hers in three gulps. I watch with mild fascination as she takes another flute and does the same thing before asking the bartender for another.
"She'll have a water."
"I want another drink, Christian. That was terrifying!"
"You'll have a water and if you still need a drink in 30 minutes, I'll get you one, but you'll drink this first." I hand her the glass and she scowls at me but drinks it anyway. When I see that she's doing as she's told I pick up where we left off.
"I don't go to many public functions but when I do they're always there. I do my best to ignore them, get through the line and get inside. Eventually they'll tire of me and leave me alone. It will take them a few days to find out your name but then it'll get printed and the publicity that will generate for Steele Translations will be well worth the few minutes you just spent out there. Come, I want to introduce you to some people."
I've spotted my family which was easy to do since they are all standing there, eyes wide and rendered speechless. Even Mia is quiet. Is it really that big of a deal to them? They know of Ana from our unfortunate family dinner in which Elliot grilled me in front of everyone but outside of that, she's a total enigma to them.
"Mom, Dad, Mia, this is my friend Anastasia Steele. Ana, my mother, Dr. Grace Trevelyan-Grey, my father Carrick and my sister Mia." My mom recovers first and shakes Ana's hand, her eyes not blinking even once.
"It's so nice to meet you, Ana. Please call me Grace." Nope mom, I'm not gay. And I know that you're acting like this because even though I'm acting the fool of 'just friends', you know better.
"It's wonderful to meet you as well. Christian tells me you work in pediatrics?" And they're off. I listen for as long as good manners allow before beginning my rounds but I want Ana with me. There's too many fuckers here checking her out but my family can't stop interrogating her. My dad is the first to breakaway and stand next to me.
"She seems like a lovely girl, Christian. Beautiful too. Your mother and sister sure seem taken with her." He won't, or can't, make eye contact but the implication is clear enough.
"Yes, she is but we're just friends. I've hired her firm to do some work on a large acquisition I'm negotiating." He just tosses back the rest of his drink and pats me on the shoulder.
"She's still a lovely young lady." I smile to myself, yes, she is.
"Would you excuse us, there are a few other people here that I need to say hello to." She's a bit surprised that I'm interrupting but I want her to myself and I also want to send a message to the bevy of men waiting for me to leave so they can swoop in.
"You want me to come with you? I'm fine with your family Christian, you don't need to worry about me." Oh, I'm worried alright but it's not about your social skills. It's the blatant eye fucking you're getting right now.
"I know but this is a great opportunity for you to meet some potential clients. Plus there's a Russian and a Brazilian on the team, maybe I can hear you speak with them." She laughs and it inflames and calms me and I'm not the only one. I can see at least four other guys watching her but there's no way to stake my claim on her without making her uncomfortable. Instead I opt to glare at anyone I catch looking at her and shield her with my body when that doesn't work.
We make our way through the crowd, just 45 minutes in and this is the longest I've stayed at an event and, unsurprisingly, I'm having a good time. It's the Ana effect. No matter who we're speaking with, she rises to the occasion and listens intently, commenting here and there and drawing people in. There is no one that escapes her charm and I hear over and over as we break away to speak with someone new, "Don't let that one get away, Grey."
When Kate and Elliot arrive she heads back to my family and I watch as they circle around her. It's a comforting sight, Ana and my family, and something about it makes my chest puff. That's where she belongs. I take a mental picture and turn to face a few of the WSU Agricultural board members intent on filling me in on their latest research. Their project is important to me and I'm impressed that they've taken the grant money and have applied it so effectively. Maybe I'll make a private donation as well.
When I'm filled in and feel like I've been generous of my time, I turn and to my absolute annoyance I see the Sea Hawks new quarterback Matt Ryan talking to her. He's clearly taken by her, who wouldn't be, and she's laughing at something he just said to her. Fucking laughing! Control, Grey, control. How long was I talking to those fuckers? I make my way to them, eyes laser focused on this new threat to me while I count to ten.
"Christian, this is Matt Ryan, he just signed on with the Sea Hawks. I'm trying to get us some good seats." She's totally captivating and I know why he risked coming over to talk to her after knowing she came with me tonight. I almost feel bad for the guy because I'd sooner buy the team and ship him to Japan before letting him get his hands on her. I get it, she's beautiful, smart and charming. Now back up and disappear.
"Mr. Grey, pleasure to meet you. Ana tells me that her firm is doing some work for your company." Asshole.
She said us. I can't help but lean in and touch her bare back with my finger tips. She shivers in response and I flatten my hand to feel her skin and the warmth under it. "You want to go to a game? I'll get us seats anywhere you want to sit." I look right at Mr. Ryan, message sent and received, but he dumbly waits for me to leave. Not a chance in hell. "Ana, I'd like to head out soon, are you about ready to leave?"
"Whenever you're ready is fine with me, just give me enough time to say goodbye to your family and to Kate." Hear that dickwad? She's leaving with me so why are you still standing there? Does that sound like just business to you?
"And me!" the asshole jokes. Then, right in fucking front of me he takes out a card and writes his personal cell number on it. "It was nice to meet you, Ana. If you have some free time, give me a call, maybe you can show me around Seattle." Fuck off shit face!
She politely takes the card and turns to me, "Ready?" I couldn't be happier. Well, if she flat out refused the number I'd be ecstatic but making it obvious that we're leaving together, that makes me pretty fucking happy. I turn her away from Ryan and throw a look over my shoulder but he's too busy staring at her ass so I move behind her and his eyes rise to my own, glaring at him with a death stare. She is mine.
We make our goodbye rounds but instead of leaving the Fairmont I steer her to the bar area and push her towards the back. I'm not ready to let her out of my sight, she looks far too good and I've been craving her attention all week long.
"I wanted to get a drink if that's alright with you." Classic line, let's see if it works.
"Sure, I'll have a Three Olives Grape and seltzer please." I like it, a girl who knows what she wants. We sip in silence for a few minutes and I appreciate it. Every douche bag in the world wants a minute of my time and they all want to talk my damn ear off. It's unusual and relaxing to sit with someone and be quiet but then again, this is Ana we're talking about. Nothing about my reaction to her should surprise me anymore.
When we finish our drinks she asks for another and I'm more than happy to oblige this time. I would never intentionally get her drunk but having her just drunk enough to depend on me suddenly isn't against my rules. She's not a sub, there are no rules.
"Christian, I want to hear about your life. The parts not pertaining to GEH or work in general."
Oh shit. No fucking way sweetheart. I've got to think fast, this kind of questioning can quickly lead to the very things I'm hiding from her and a patron at the far end of the bar provides the inspiration that I'm looking for.
"I'll tell you what, for every shot we do, I'll tell you something about myself and you tell me something about yourself." OK, so maybe I will use alcohol to my advantage. I learn what I want about her and she doesn't remember anything about what I tell her in the morning. It's a win/win.
"As long as I get to ask first." Fine with me, baby. We get our shots, three each of Belver Bears Belvedere Vodka. What a dumb fucking name, they should fire their ad executive.
She tips her head back and drinks it all in one gulp which I know is how you drink shots but I'm still impressed. I follow suit and wait for her question. God help me.
"What makes you the happiest?" Easy. You, baby.
"Being in the company of the people I care about the most."
"If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?" I want to know this because I will take her there one day. I'm also attempting to keep the questions from getting too personal, I sure as shit don't need to disclose my lifestyle, my past, or my current desire for her.
"Hmmm. I love love love Paris but I'll pick a place I've never been to. New Zealand." And file that!
We shoot back number two and I get hard watching her swallow.
"What's your biggest regret? Business or personal." So much for keeping it light. Fucking Elena Lincoln comes to mind but I'll keep that to myself as well.
"Giving my parents such a hard time when I was a child and a teenager. I was a real fuck up, enough so that even now I'm surprised they want me around so much." She touches my hand, pulling me out of my own head and firmly planting me back into her world.
"It all worked out, I can tell by the way they look at you and speak about you how proud they are of you. Not once did they mention anything other than how great you were. It was annoying!" She giggles, my heart skips a beat and I feel good once again. I've wanted to know the answer to my next question since I ran her background check. There's something there with husband number three and I want to know what it is. If he hurt her in anyway, I will ensure that he pays in full, with interest.
"Why did you leave your mom when you were 15 and move back in with Raymond Steele when he's not your bio dad?" Her face falls and I feel like an asshole. "I'm sorry, if you don't want to answer I understand." Did I just apologize?
"No, it's fine," she says slowly while she toys with one of the empty shot glasses. "Stephen Morton is a mean and terrible man. To me, and to my mom, but my mom wanted to be with him and I didn't. She chose Stephen." The words pain her as they come out of her mouth.
My non-existent heart hurts for her. I know what it's like to have a mother who doesn't put you first. It fucking hurts like hell. I want to tell her that I understand but I don't. Telling her that opens the door for my disgusting beginnings and I'm not going there tonight.
"Plus, Ray was my dad, still is. I don't see him any other way." She brightens and I chink our next drink, signaling the end of the question. I want to know details but it clearly still pains her and seeing her hurting is a terrible, terrible feeling.
"Last question for you. Why do you always tell me to stop biting my lip? I don't tell you to stop running your hands through your hair." Come the fuck on, another question I have to lie about. I appraise her thoroughly, she seems drunk enough that she won't remember and I'm just tipsy enough to take the chance. I go for veiled honesty.
"It does something to me…I can't describe it." Can't meaning I won't tell you that it makes my cock hard and makes me want to fuck you seven ways from Sunday. Even now visions of her in nothing but those heels is playing on a constant loop in my head.
"You mean it annoys you?"
I snort, "No, it makes me crazy in a totally inappropriate way. I want to be the one biting it but I can't so that's why I ask you to stop."
Her eyes are wide and unblinking but then she sighs and shocks the hell out of me.
"I don't even realize I'm doing it but I wouldn't stop you if you tried." Check please! Is that her talking or the vodka? I must look confused because she giggles and covers her mouth. "Your face right now is priceless!" Still giggling. I've no idea how to interpret her statement so I move on, albeit a little flustered.
"My turn now, drink up." She does with another one of her cuter than fuck giggles. She is definitely drunk. Another shot, another question. I can tell by the way she's thinking that she's feeling the vodka. I should take her home and put her to bed but this is so normal and so fun that I don't want the night to end.
"When did you lose your virginity and to whom?" I desperately want to know and desperately don't want to know. I hate the fuckers that have ever had the pleasure of bedding her but I want to know everything about her. I want to know what happened so I can do it to her and make it better, make her forget about all the rest. Her eyes are as wide as saucers and she starts laughing, hard.
"Ana! Christian! I thought you left an hour ago!" Are you fucking kidding me? Kate fucking Kavanagh shows up now?
"Actually, we were just leaving, Ana's pretty loaded." I offer her my hand and she takes it, the electricity between us intensified by the alcohol. When she tries to walk though she almost falls and Elliot catches her around the waist when her hand slips from mine.
"I've got her!" I growl at him and he backs off immediately with his hands up.
"Sorry, bro, instincts and all. Maybe she shouldn't sleep alone tonight." No shit.
"I'll go home with her and keep an eye on her. Elliot, can you drive us?" Not happening, she came here with me, she's leaving with me. I notice half the people in the bar are the football players and quite a few of them have been watching Ana the entire night. I want them to see her leave with me, not Kate.
"No need, Kate. She needs someone who will stay awake for the next few hours and I'm an insomniac, you can ask Elliot. I'll get a room here and keep an eye on her. We'll meet for brunch in the morning at that same place, 11am."
"Perfect, it's settled then. Come on Katie, let's get a drink."
She's eyeing me suspiciously and I feel I need to defend myself. "I would never hurt or take advantage of a woman. And I especially wouldn't do anything to or with Ana that would upset her." I mean that too, there's no way I'd take advantage of her.
"Guys, you realize I'm standing right here? I can make my own decisions." I glance down and she's upright due to my arm firmly around her tiny little waist and her arms wrapped around my forearm. The close contact should make me cringe and freak out but it has the opposite effect and I find her warmth soothing and steadying.
"Actually, Ana, you're leaning right here. Your eyes are half closed and you're only leaning because Christian is holding you up." Sometimes Elliot isn't so bad.
"Just text me your room so I can check up on her in the morning." If that will shut you up Katherine, consider it done.
"The penthouse, I'll have her turn her cell on when she wakes up."
"The penthouse, of course you'd be in the penthouse."
We make it to the front desk and I just say to the clerk, "Grey, penthouse." And he scurries off to make it happen. Once inside the elevator I attempt to keep my distance but she's swaying in front of me so I steady her by putting my hands on her shoulders and she falls back against me, her head directly in the middle of my no touch zone. I tense but the onslaught of anxiety and pain usually associated with this type of contact doesn't materialize. Interesting.
When the doors open she's all but asleep standing up so I lift her, bridal style, into my arms and nod at the clerk who is now holding the door open.
"Will you need anything else, sir?"
I'm halfway to the bedroom but turn and nod again, "Yes, four Advil and a glass of juice." I turn to go before adding, "Thank you" as an afterthought. Ana strikes again.
I would love nothing more than to hold her all night long and feel her against me but I can't do that to her so I sit her on the bed and take her shoes off. Fuck me these shoes, I've had visions of them around my ears all night long. She's awake, sort of, and eyeing me curiously. I'm on my knees in front of her and give her a sly smile before standing.
"You're very drunk, Anastasia. Do you make this a habit?"
She rolls those green eyes at me and lays back, her dress hiking up indecently and my cock tingles and swells in response. Just one more inch, come on baby, I want to see what you've got on underneath that dress.
"No, I don't make this a habit. I've been drunk twice in my life and both times was with you so you're clearly a bad influence on me. For god's sake, Christian, you had me drinking on a Sunday afternoon!" I grin, she has no idea just how badly I want to influence her.
I unbutton my shirt and take off my cufflinks placing them on the night table before kicking off my shoes. Her half closed eyes are getting bigger and when I shrug off my button down she inches back, misunderstanding the gesture. Instead I hold the shirt out to her and tell her to put it on. Was she moving back so that I could lay down with her? Or was she shrinking away from me?
"You can't sleep in that dress, wear this." She smiles and stands, taking the shirt and stumbling to the bathroom. The front desk clerk knocks and hands me the juice and Advil and I thank him again. What the fuck is happening to me?
The bathroom door opens and out walks Anastasia, long hair now unpinned and wild down her back, face scrubbed clean and in my shirt, sleeves rolled up and top two buttons open. I want her. Holy shit do I want her. I'm immediately hard and frozen in place but she doesn't seem to realize the effect she has on me because she just walks out and climbs into the bed tucking her bare legs beneath the sheets. I shake my head to clear it and hand her the meds.
"Take these and drink this. If you get up in the middle of the night, drink a glass of water." I need to get into the bathroom now to adjust this rager I've got going on so I pull my socks off and close the door behind me, taking a deep breath. I text Taylor to bring me a change of clothes and to buy Ana an outfit in the morning so that we can go to brunch. I can guess her bra and panty size and her clothes are obviously a small but her shoes I'll need to check out. I brush my teeth with the hotel toothbrush and smile, Ana has done the same and the thought of her mouth having been here is not helping with my erection.
When I'm finished my ablutions I slide into the bed next to her, the familiarity of it a comfort. I've never shared a bed with anyone, not even my siblings growing up but something about this feels so right. She's sleeping, her angelic face facing me with her lips slightly parted and her hair fanned out across the pillow like brown silk. Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. Her innocence is disarming and I struggle to not reach out and touch her like I've fantasized about a thousand times.
Ironically this is the first night I haven't masturbated to thoughts of her because she's finally in my bed. I considered handling my business in the bathroom but it seems creepy when she's just 20 feet away. So close yet so far away. It seems to be the theme between us. I'm closer to her than anyone in my life yet she knows nothing about a huge part of who I am. She's lying next to me in nothing more than panties and my shirt but I can't touch her. She reaches me in a way no one ever has but I can't share with her my lifestyle. So close, so far away still.
I jump out of bed and text Taylor her shoe size and then begin pacing around the room. I can't do this, I can't develop…feelings…for this woman. For any woman! And Ana, she is far too good for me, the fact that she even talks to me is surprising. She can never find out who I really am and I realize with a deep sadness that that means I can't ever have her. I won't lie to her and I won't use her. As much as I want her, and fuck do I want her, I know she's not ever going to be someone I fuck and 'get out of my system'. This quandary leaves me frustrated and pissed. My fucked up past is coming back to haunt me, again, except now the stakes are higher than ever.
I can't be with her because of who I am but I won't just fuck her for the sake of fucking her either if I can't offer her more. More. That's what she deserves, more hearts and flowers. I wish I was that guy but I'm just not. Friendship, that's all I can offer her.
Instead I lie back down next to her, she's shifted so that she's on her back and fuck me, the shirt has twisted enough so that it's tight against her breasts and I know for a fact that she doesn't have a bra on. I watch with teenage fascination as her chest rises and falls with her breathing and I take in the soft curve of the fabric and the perfect symmetry and roundness underneath. Damn. I'll never be ok with being just her friend.
So what then? Do I cut off what we do have and let her go out of my life? The thought of my life without Ana is crushing. Two weeks, two weeks! I've known this woman for two weeks and she's changed so much of my life already, all for the better. So what do I do?
I can't help myself, I lean over and bury my face in her hair inhaling deeply and I feel the calm wash over me immediately. She always smells so good. I slide a bit closer to get comfortable and my leg brushes up against hers. The shirt has ridden up as well and I can feel the soft silky skin of her hip and the small bit of fabric that I'm assuming is a thong. This is not going to end well for you, Grey. You thought you were fucked up before? You wait until you watch her fall in love with someone else, then you'll really be inhuman. End this now before it's too late and you destroy each other. She deserves so much more from you and you don't have it to give.
I fight the urge to touch her body and instead settle for smelling her hair, it's a luxury after two weeks of sneaking my obsession and I greedily take my fill. I must have fallen asleep like that because when I wake up, the room is filled with bright light and the bed is empty. Shit, did she leave? Fuck! Did she feel this huge morning wood I've got? Shit shit shit!