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3

It was peaceful outside in the park. People were laughing, children were playing and a few couples were walking hand in hand, whispering to each other. I was sitting under the large bridge, in the shadows, watching the happy people in front of me. Inside, it was a totally different scene. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream at everyone and although I was never a masochist but I actually wanted to hurt myself.

I put my hands tightly around my knees and rested my head on them. It wasn't long till I started to cry, the wave of fresh tears trickled down my cheeks and I didn't stop them. I bit my lips to keep myself from uttering a sound as another sob shook through me.

Why did I do what I did? He was just trying to help. I could've told him about my Mom, even about my performance in school. Who cares if he couldn't help me with Drew? I could've kept that to myself. Who cares about my stupid reputation? This guilt was killing me inside and I couldn't do anything to stop it. So what if it was against my rules of right and wrong? If it made the guys feel better, I'd do it a thousand times all over again. If a friend of mine needed help, surely I'd want to offer it. Sitting there all alone, I realized that and I couldn't help but think about how I've been behaving with my friends recently. It wasn't as if I was being nice. Don't your friends have the right to know why you've been acting so distant when none of them actually ever said or did anything? If any of the guys started behaving like I did, I'd be worried about them, right? And of course, I'd want to know if there was anything I could do for them. It would bother me if they just shrugged me off, wouldn't it? Personally, I'd yell at them to tell me. Instead, the guys had been so patient with me all through the time. I couldn't imagine how difficult it was for them to just watch me struggle with my life and they couldn't do anything because I had refused every offer, refused to even just tell them what the problem actually was.

Man, I hate myself. I hated myself for making them feel so useless just because I didn't want to tell them how I felt. How selfish can you get? And there I was, wrapped around myself, crying and sniffing, thinking about how stupid and egocentric I was for doing what I did instead of going and apologizing.

I forced myself not to think about the conversation Kai and I had but I couldn't. Why did I have to be so rude? I suddenly found myself wishing to tear my head off but as cowardly as I was, I couldn't even bring myself to do that. And so, I sat there crying, waiting for lightening to hit me or a truck to run over me -not that I didn't deserve worse- so, that I could feel somewhat better. But then again, this was also a good punishment.

I bit my lips hardly till I tasted the blood and stood up, wiping the last of my tears. I looked up at the sky and noticed the heavy, black clouds that were making their way towards the city from the west. It would start raining in about an hour or so, I guessed. But this time, I knew even the rain couldn't help me forget anything. Even if it was just for a little while.

No-one noticed me as I passed the highly crowded area to get inside. But then again, why would they? It wasn't as if they had better things to do. The clouds were lingering above the city, looking menacing, as if ready to shower the rain any minute. Everyone was in a hurry to return to their respectable shelters. I could've gone somewhere too but I'd rather not. At least, not for a few more hours.

The slight ding of the bell snapped me out of my reverie as I entered the small restaurant. It wasn't crowded, there were just a few people drinking coffee and the waitresses running here and there. I noticed an empty table at the far end of the room, just near the window and went over to sit there. I watched the people outside from the window as slowly and gradually they left. The rain had just started to fall and I concentrated intently on the slow, rhythmic drip drop of the water as it collided with the window-glass. I didn't want my mind wandering off to scenes I didn't want it to imagine so I looked around the room, trying to distract myself.

The place had gotten a little crowded; almost every seat was occupied now. A waitress came and took my order before leaving me to myself again. I stared blankly at the window, not actually watching anything.

It was hard to be all alone. Silence spoke things I didn't want to hear. Things I'd rather have locked up inside me and never opened again for the rest of my life. Things I forbade myself to think about cuz it hurt so much just to do so.

I looked down at my hands, trying to distract myself from the thoughts that were starting to cloud my mind. I blinked furiously, making an attempt to stop yet another wave of fresh tears that made their way to my eyes. I couldn't help the small gasp that escaped my throat as a sob shook through me.

Not wanting to make a scene, I hurriedly made my way towards the bathroom and that was when, for the first time in many days, that I felt a fear so extreme I thought I would actually go black. I blinked furiously again, trying to see through my tears but the sight didn't change.

I would recognize those eyes anywhere. I'd pick out that face from a million others almost as if it was my own. For that one moment, there was nothing I saw but the fact that Drew was standing a few feet away from me, smiling at me politely. There was nothing I could feel except the intense horror and my heart pounding loudly against my ribs at the expression his hazel brown eyes held. And when he started to make his way towards me, I even forgot that I was in a public place and hurriedly pushed my way through the small crowd gathered in front of the restroom.

I heard a few people groan and grunt as I pushed them away angrily, trying to get to get to the other side of the room but I didn't care. All I could think was, Drew is here, He's here. Of all the people in the whole world, Drew is here. I needed to get out. I needed to be away from him before…

It was when I was safely inside the ladies restroom and the door was shut behind me that I allowed myself to breathe a sigh of relief. I leaned against the door, trying to make sense of my situation.

I was in a restroom of some restaurant that was far away from my home or Tyson's, a psycho was just waiting outside the door for me and I doubted that the lines would work in all the heavy clouds in the sky.

This was just perfect.

I paced around in front of the mirrors before taking out my cell. I just realized that I hadn't even switched it on since Drew's last call. I wondered if Tyson or anyone else had called to check up on me. I figured that as rude as I was, they'd probably still be worried about me and that I should just text them to let them know I was fine. But the cell switched off automatically as soon as I saw the message No Signals.

I comforted myself with the idea that it would start working soon and that I was safe as long as I was in the ladies room. I leaned against one of the cubicle doors and concentrated solely on regulating my breathing instead of the fact that some deranged maniac was waiting for me outside those very doors.

I closed my eyes and let my mind wonder to random things. Things other than my Mom, my studies, my friends, my stalker or any other part of my life. And why was it that I was always thinking about myself? Here I was, moping around about my problems when somewhere around the world, millions of homeless, uneducated orphans that desperately needed help. I had a home (not that I had been visiting it recently), I was getting education (not that I loved it or anything) and I wasn't an orphan (even though my Mom wasn't very much of a mom) so what was I doing—

A pair of rough hands grabbed my arms violently, pinning me to the door behind. The sudden motion made me gasp and my heart started pounding loudly against my ribs as I opened my eyes to stare into deep hazel ones.

"Drew?" I whispered hoarsely. His face was merely a few inches away from mine and his eyes held the same strange expression as before.

"They should keep guards out there at the entrance." His voice was a sore whisper, close and dangerous, and I jerked back instinctively in response. "Don't you think so?"

I had to admit, I had never been more scared in my life. There I was, trapped in a ladies room with some obsessed stalker, with no-one to call and going, Oh my gosh, what's he gonna do?

"Let's talk." He said, smiling at my expression.

"No." I answered, my voice still a whisper. I was already so scared that when he looked at me angrily, I gasped without even thinking.

He smiled at my terrified expression again and tightened his hold on my wrists till my hands went numb. With an evil sneer at my pained expression, he asked "Why?"

I knew I had to get out. I knew I just couldn't stand there, waiting for him to do something. But I couldn't come up with any idea of an escape.

"Tell me something." He said, not waiting any longer for my reply. "Why do you try to avoid me?"

I didn't reply. He edged a little more closer, pressing me entirely to the door behind. "Why do you even bother, knowing that I'll catch up on you anyway?"

Gosh, I hated him so much that words couldn't describe. I squirmed under his tight grasp on my hands but that only caused more pain…and another triumph smile from him.

"Why," I said, suddenly finding my voice. "do you even bother, when you know the answer anyway?"

He smirked at me and tightened his grip on my hands till I couldn't bear the pain anymore and I started to squirmed furiously again but he didn't let go.

"I want you to talk to me." He whispered, making me all the more angry. I didn't know why but I knew he was trying to piss me off. He knew exactly how much I wanted him NOT to talk to me. I had made it clear every time we had ever met.

"Let go." I warned, squirming against his grasp, trying to break the contact. He didn't listen to me. Instead, he straightened up, his tall body hovering over me, and smiled. "I said, let go, Drew."

"Ah." He said, not talking in whispers now. He closed his eyes before saying, "I just love it when you say my name."

Okay, so that was when I got really angry. I knew it wouldn't hurt him at all but I was just so mad that I kicked him. To my surprise, he grunted and stumbled backwards. His hold on my wrists loosened and I felt the blood rush back to my palms. Taking my only small chance, I ran towards the door, without any glance behind.

"Hey!" He yelled behind me and with a jerk, I felt my back hit his body and turned around to see him grabbing hold of my shirt tightly. I wriggled but in vain. He grabbed my waist while I kept struggling but it didn't seem to have been affecting him at all. He pulled me close and I gasped loudly when his lips touched my neck.

I struggled angrily in his grasp but it was just so tight. Finally, when I couldn't take it anymore, I stopped struggling, letting him do as he wished. I could tell he was caught off guard by my sudden end of my physical response, cuz he pulled a little backwards and stared at me. I took the chance and he yelled in pain as my elbow hit his spine with all the force I could muster in my condition. I smiled in satisfaction before running out the door at full speed.

I pushed through the crowd and ran out of the restaurant and into the heavy rain, along the familiar roads.

"Hey STOP!" I heard him yell. His rising footsteps and his loud yells didn't stop me from running faster than ever before and it wasn't long that I could no longer hear his voice anymore. I didn't look behind me so I didn't know whether Drew was following me or not but I guess, as long as I was away from him, I didn't care much either.

I zoned everything else out, concentrating only on running along the very familiar path towards the Dojo.