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7

"Move." He said fiercely, motioning towards the other seat, the one that was across from where I was sitting. His suddenly harsh expression surprised me but I didn't respond to it. Instead, I did as he told me to do. It bothered me that my back was turned towards Drew, that I couldn't see what he was doing but I still didn't say anything, not wanting to talk to Kai right now. Apparently, he was angry.

I watched as he sat down in front of me and looked angrily behind me again before turning towards me. I sighed, knowing exactly what was coming next but feeling oddly unprepared for it. He leaned towards me from across the table, staring at me with those purple eyes of his. There wasn't much of a gap between the two of our seats so I leaned back at his motion. He pretended like he didn't notice my move and continued to look at me with an irritated expression.

"Do you know that guy?"

His voice was low but the aggravation in it was just as clear as it was on his face. I stiffened, thinking about the answer before shaking my head from side to side.

"No." I replied, looking directly back at him. I couldn't tell whether he thought I was lying or not, his expression still remained the same.

"Then why was he walking towards you?"

"He could be walking to someone else." I argued, finally turning away from his eyes. His eyebrows knitted together, as if I had just said something very confusing but he didn't voice it. For a while, it was quiet till…

"I know he wasn't." He whispered, leaning towards me. His response puzzled me and I looked back up in curiosity of knowing what he could possibly have meant by that.

Noticing my perplexed and awaiting expression, he continued.

"I still see that look in your eyes." His voice was still barely above a whisper. "You're afraid."

I could tell me silence gave away everything he wanted to hear, everything that even my words couldn't describe better and I just sat there, waiting for him to take out his anger at me.

"Are you scared?"

And so again, he took me by surprise with the soft tone when I expected an angry one. It was so childish to feel flutters in my stomach at a time like this with just the tone in his voice but they came. The butterflies inside me quivered with excitement all the more when I made the mistake of looking into his eyes…his big, purple-colored, questioning eyes. Again, I got the unexplained feeling of wanting to stare deeply into them for ages and never wanting to look away. The mysterious feeling of wanting to search for something, knowing it won't be there but still not wanting to stop began to overpower my thoughts.

"Hillary?" He pleaded, snapping me out of my trance. "Please?"

I blinked at him. A part of me felt relieved –he hadn't noticed that my lack of response was because I was too busy marveling over him—but another part, a larger part, of me was nervous. I couldn't form the words, not that there were many, and neither could I react physically. I stayed frozen in my place, waiting for something even I didn't know to come.

"Hillary?" His voice was more pleading than before. His eyes held an expression that looked so close to pain but I was sure I was misunderstanding it. Slowly and gradually, I moved my head from one side to other before looking away completely. Suddenly, the round and wavy patterns of the small table started to look very interesting.

I heard him sigh. It wasn't a sound of anger or irritation and I didn't look up to see what it was about. From the corner of my eye, I saw his fingers tighten into fists on the wooden table and I closed my eyes in fear of how he'll react next. I leaned a little bit forward, carefully hiding my face in my hair.

Everything was quiet. If it hadn't been for the uncomfortable tinge in the air, I was sure I would've fallen asleep. Wrapping my arms around myself, I slowly opened my eyes just in time to see Kai stand up.

"Kai, please!" I whispered, the fear in my voice as clear as the blue sky. I had to admit, I was so panicked that I actually grabbed his arm and pushed him so fiercely back that he fell on my seat and he had to grab the table to balance himself. He looked at me sarcastically before rolling his eyes a little but said nothing.

"Don't leave." It was my turn to plead. I let go of his arm but leaned forward, somehow feeling safe near him. "Please, Kai."

His arm wrapped itself around my shoulder, pulling me closer before he chuckled.

"I won't." He promised as I inched closer to him. I was glad he couldn't see my blush. That would've been tacky.

For a while, it was quiet. It felt so nice resting against Kai's warm body. His lilac scent was so intoxicating that I could barely think of anything else. His soft hands that pushed against my waist were so…nice. But like I had once said, even happiness doesn't last forever.

"Hillary?" Kai asked in a questioning voice. I pulled away a little to look up at him. He looked distracted, almost angry and somehow, it bothered me to see him like that. "What are you so scared of?"

He grabbed both my arms before I could turn away, forcing me to look at him.

"Honestly." He was so close that even his whisper sounded loud and his breath tickled my skin. "Don't lie."

And I didn't know why it happened but suddenly, there were tears in my eyes. Everything Drew had ever said, every emotion I had felt whenever he was close, every look he had passed me, every smile, every threatening word, every single touch…everything now stacked in front of me, as if mocking me, as if yelling at the top of its voice that I could never escape it…

Kai's grip loosened on my arm when he heard my muffled sob and noticed my flowing tears. He looked down at me with what looked like confusion through my blurred vision. I looked down, away from his gaze, as tear after tear trickled down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, letting go completely but I clutched at him and buried my head in his shoulders. I felt his hands around my waist again as he pulled me all the more closer than it was possible. I didn't know why, but there was that feeling again. As if nothing bad could happen as long as I was in his arms. Security.

"I'm so sorry." He repeated as I clutched at him more desperately. "I didn't know it was so bad. I'm sorry."

I didn't have it in me to tell him that it wasn't his fault. It was so hard to control my sobs already. I couldn't form any words so I just clutched at him more tightly and hid my face completely into his shoulders. Maybe his sweet scent could help me think more clearly…

But it couldn't. I found myself coming up with negative thoughts only. It made me shudder when I realized that I had to spend the tournament trying to hide from Drew. All the possibilities, anything could happen…

I knew I was in deep crap. Maybe there was some other reason as to why Drew was taking part in the tournament, something that didn't involve me. But it didn't matter why he was here, I would have to face him no matter the reason. What then? I couldn't make an excuse and go back. The guys needed me, I had responsibilities here…and I didn't have anywhere to go. Grandpa had gone to visit some relatives in the other side of the country, saying that he'd be lonely and the guys would never agree on leaving me alone there. And now that Kai knew about my Mom, I couldn't even excuse myself using that lie.

"It's okay." Kai's voice interrupted my thoughts, bringing me to the present. Oh, how much I wanted to believe him, what I wouldn't give to do just that but it was not okay.

"Hillary?" He muttered in surprise at a loud sob that escaped my lips. Good thing, what with all the noise, only he could hear it. "Please."

I looked up slightly, trying to blink away the tears. I could tell from his voice that he was freaking out. It was so wrong to have him suffer along with me so I tried to control myself enough to let him know I was fine…or will be fine.

But I couldn't.

I bit my lip to stop the oncoming sob before looking completely up at him. He looked at me directly in the eyes, as if searching for something. I didn't know what he saw in there but he responded strangely to it. Pain and discomfort crossed his features before his protective side took over.

"Don't be afraid." He barely mouthed the words but I made them out clearly. His fingers touched my cheeks just a little to wipe away the tears while his other hand tightened its grip on my waist.

I didn't reply. His hand moved from my cheeks to the back of my neck. I felt him pull me closer from behind, his hands entangling with my already-messed hair. I wasn't crying as hard as I had been, the sobs had practically stopped but I still felt nauseated so it was a relief when he kept inching me closer. The closer he was, the more secure I felt.

"You're scaring me, Hils." He ended in a low voice. While the idea of Kai being scared seemed weird, I could tell he wasn't lying. There was some fear in his eyes. I didn't know what he saw in my expression because he pulled at my waist till we were so close that our foreheads touched. His breath mingled with mine and I closed my eyes for a while to calm myself down before opening them again.

"I'm sorry." I finally managed to whisper after swallowing a bit. His hand travelled from the back of my neck to my shoulders, then down my back again. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around his neck gently and inched forward before closing my eyes.

There was a low chuckle that made me open them. I looked up at Kai and saw his face twisted up in a small smile but he said nothing to voice his thoughts. Nor did I ask. I was too busy marveling over him. For quite a while I'd been wanting to touch his skin and now that it was so close…

"Don't let me be alone." I whispered, pulling my hand back from his neck to touch the part of his lips that were turned upwards into a smile. "I am afraid."

Kai didn't respond in any way and I knew he was curious as to what might make me say that. I could see it in his eyes, he wanted to ask me something, maybe more than just one thing, but he didn't say anything. He bit his lips before sighing as I pulled back my other hand to rest it in his lap. I tried to pull away in case he wanted some space now—I mean this was Kai after all, he couldn't want someone this close for so long—but he didn't let me. Instead, he pulled my face into his shoulder where it rested for the rest of the flight.

The woods passed me by, I ran and ran but it felt like I was going nowhere. Nothing changed except the fact that my muscles were now starting to give away. I stumbled before falling down on the muddy ground. There was a tearing sound and a small noise that made me look around. Before I could bring myself to react, a tall figure stepped around a thick tree. There was the same small sound again, the sound of a menacing smirk, before everything went black…

I gasped loudly, waking up to realize that I was drenched in sweat. The covers and sheets were tangled in a mass around me and a pillow lay dully on the marble floor.

"Hillary?"

There was a bright light and I blinked furiously, trying to adjust to it. Kai walked inside, leaving the door ajar to let some light in, and stood beside me. I tried to control my ragged breaths and increased heartbeat but I could only do that once I succeed in forgetting about the nightmare. But even though it had become very usual, I couldn't do that.

"Go to sleep." I moaned, trying to pull the sheets off by kicking at them rather uselessly. Kai opened the bedside lamp and I closed my eyes in response to the bright light that hit my eyes. I heard him sigh and felt his hands trying to pull off the sheets. By the time I had fully adjusted to the light, he had already straightened the covers around me as neatly as was possible and was now picking up the white pillow that was lying miserably on the floor.

"You're turning this into a bad habit, you know."He said, placing the pillow on the bed beside me before kneeling down on the floor. I rested my head on the pillow and turned around to face him.

"You don't have to make it a habit too." I pointed but he just shook his head at me. I looked away before he could press it any further.

Yeah, I had to admit, my head was messed up with all the worrying, I was scared and naturally, it was affecting my sleep too now. My constant dreams had been keeping me up lately. Of course they were about the deranged guy named Drew and to be honest, I'd rather face him than these nightmares. It was one thing to face him in reality, knowing that there may be a way out and it was another to have him chase you around in your dreams, knowing that there was no way you could escape it.

Hopelessness was worse than anything else I had to face.

"It's getting bad."

Kai's voice was low but, just like his expression, it was stiff. I straightened up to lean against the bed and Kai stood up to sit next to me. His back was towards me but his face was turned slightly sideways. The yellow light was dim, but I didn't need that to tell what he was feeling.

"I know." I replied with a sigh.

"If you'd just tell—"

"No."

"Maybe it'll help."

"You don't have to get involved, you know?" I said angrily and he didn't hesitate in returning the irritated glare. "Go to bed and pretend this never happened, alright?"

I could see I had hit a nerve. Suddenly, his eyes tightened and his lips formed a frown as he continued to glare angrily at me. But I didn't care.

"This is my problem, okay?" I continued. "I already admitted to you that I'm having some troubles which are causing all these disturbing nights, that there is some psychological relation and all and that I am worried about something but that doesn't mean I'm gonna tell you the actual thing or that you might feel the need to get involved in my growing problems, okay, Kai?"

There was silence as Kai contemplated my words.

"I can't do that." He said with a calmer expression, making me sigh in defeat. "You don't mean it. I know you don't."

"Why not?" I challenged, finding it hard to stay angry at him for so long. Had he been anything but helpful and supportive?

"Why don't you tell me what the problem is, Hillary?" He said, suddenly changing the subject. "It's been a whole week. It's not getting any better. I know you're afraid, I know you're fighting with something and I'm helping you. I want to help you but don't you think it's easier to know what I'm fighting for? Or do you think I don't deserve to know anything at all?"

It took me a while to think carefully about his words. Feeling guilty, I closed my eyes and pulled the covers up to my chin.

"Kai, please, don't blame me for this. I'm miserable as it is."

"I'm not blaming you for anything." He argued. His voice rose a bit and I opened my eyes to glare angrily at him. "I just wanna know what's wrong with you."

"You already know more than I can tell."

Suddenly, with the speed of light, his expression turned from contorted to furious. He squinted his eyes angrily and gave me a very cold glare.

"Why do you say that?" His voice was suddenly so loud that I almost shook with surprise. He had never yelled at me. Yeah, sure he was angry and he'd even show it as clearly as it was possible but he had never raised his voice at me. "Why is it that whenever I ask you what your issues are, you just shrug me off?"

I could see he was waiting for me to reply but I didn't, afraid that I might make him all the more angry. His hands were on either side of me before I could even comprehend the situation any further. He was now fully turned towards me. He moved closer, his expression the same angry mask.

"Why do you make it sound like it's not your secret to keep?" There was silence as he looked at me expectantly, waiting for the answer. When I didn't reply, he continued, his voice barely above a whisper this time.

"You're not doing me a favor by telling the truth."

I was caught off guard by the sudden change in tone and so it was a little slowly that I realized what he meant. He was right, of course. For a second, I forgot the actual reason behind my actions. What if I was in Kai's place? It must have been so hard for him to watch me break down like I had a week ago in the plane. It must have been so difficult for him to know that I had some problems that could be solved, once told to the right person that is, something I wouldn't let him do. He must feel so helpless, watching me like this.

I had already told him about my minor problem—minor but continuously growing—with my Mom. Judging from Kai's reactions around Drew—growling underneath his breath whenever he looked at him, clenching his fist whenever he passed or just glaring coldly behind his back—I could tell Kai already had some instinctual feelings against him. All I needed was for Kai to know that he was the one I was having troubles with.

For a tiny second, that seemed like a huge relief. If Kai knew, he would keep me away from him. He would protect me. He wouldn't let Drew come close enough to even smile menacingly at me, let alone do any harm. He'd be happy that I'd told him, he'd get his wish and I'd be safe.

But then, with a sick feeling of severe disappointment, I realized that Kai could actually do no good. So what if he knew the truth? Now that we were under constant security, Kai couldn't actually go and pick a fight with Drew. If I told Kai the truth, he'd let his anger take over and then he'd do something regretful. Something that he would have to take the blame for. The least he could do was protect me from him. And I'd already told him to not let me be alone and he'd been keeping an eye on me ever since. And I was just as safe with any one of my friends as I was with him so it really didn't matter if he kept an eye on me. I just said that as an extra measure, just in case. Who knew what might happen?

And if I told him the truth, it wouldn't change things much other than the fact that if Drew found out, he might do something to cause harm.

I held back a curse and clenched my fist as a new realization struck. Why had Drew followed me here? I knew exactly why. I had thought about it just a few days ago: running away wasn't a choice. I couldn't go back to Japan because I didn't have a place to stay to now that the tournament had started and no-one was where I usually hid from him…Drew knew that. I had everywhere to go back in Tokyo to escape from him. And although it was never difficult for him to find me, he couldn't actually say or do anything. I couldn't even begin to imagine how easy it would be for him to sneak up on me once we were in the same building. There was every possibility that we might actually have the lockers or bedrooms next to each other's.

And maybe that was exactly why he came. He knew he had me trapped here. He would know where I was staying, where I was eating, where I was sleeping…

Aside from the fact that he had me confined to one place where he would know exactly what I was doing and where I was, he could easily keep tabs on me. He would know my routine. He would know when I was with my friends and when I was alone. And it just made things so much more easier for him that I could tell no-one about him. So convenient…

And then, —just the thought made me shudder—if I could tell someone, if he was ever to know that I had told someone, he could easily harm them…If he found out that Kai knew about him, I couldn't imagine how he'll react. It was one thing to take it out on me but it was something else for him to be in such a close proximity to someone I cared for, someone he could decisively harm. Why would he even hesitate, anyway?

A strange mingle of emotions coursed through me; fear, anger, disappointment… But the worst—and the clearest—of all was hopelessness.

"Hillary?"

It was just the sound of his suddenly-worried voice as he took in my expression that brought me back to reality. My eyes came into focus slowly, but with the tears that were flowing, it wasn't helping my vision at all.

I barely noticed Kai when he grabbed my shoulders and shook them violently. Just like it had when I had woken up, my heart beat and breathing were so loud that they blocked out everything else and my hands were beginning to sweat again.

"Hillary?"

I blinked, my eyes finally coming into focus in reaction to the sudden panic in Kai's voice. I breathed heavily as I stared back at him. He was searching my expression again. I didn't care though, I was just way too much preoccupied by the way my life was turning out. Was anything ever fair? Isn't it fair that I get to decide who I get to spend my time with? Was it too much to ask? Did God have to confine me to such extreme limits like this? Was there some sin I had committed that I deserved a punishment that took away my free will?

"I'm sorry, Hillary." He whispered, tightening his hold on my shoulders. "I'm so sorry. You're right. It isn't my problem."

He moved closer, I could practically hear his rasped breath over mine.

"Don't cry, Hillary." He whispered painfully, searching my expression again. "I'm sorry. I won't do it again if it hurts you, okay?"

And then I don't know whether it was the fact that I was panicked—what with the sudden realization and stuff—or that I was afraid or just touched by his words, but suddenly, I pushed myself into his arms and grabbed him in a tight embrace.

I couldn't say I regretted it. Aside from the fact that I felt secure—just like I had the last time—in his arms, it felt as if I was in desperate need of a reassuring hug. I clung to him tightly, telling him things that my words couldn't express. That I was hurt, that I was lost, that I was desperate, that I was angry and that I was afraid. There was something else, too, when I touched him. The way I clung to him…as if I hadn't hugged anyone in my whole life before and that I was liking what I was feeling. Almost as if I was…lonely?

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. It had been the story of my life. I wasn't something that anyone needed. I had always been the supportive one, never the one to take any serious action on behalf of someone—not that I wanted to. I was someone who'd –in a millions of uni-colored dull ribbons—would look good in the background. Once I was out of place, it didn't matter much. I was someone who'd support the brighter people, never getting involved in the actual action.

No-one supported me—cuz it felt as if I never really needed it, that I was too busy supporting the others—when actually, even I need something to hold on to. I had problems, not that I had been so open about them, but that didn't mean they weren't there. It was so usual to feel out of place, to feel like I didn't belong. All my life, it felt as if I had been screaming inside myself, too afraid to let anyone know that I needed help, too. All my life, I had been so confined. At times, I was sick of everyone around me, sick of the strange world I had made for myself.

I was lonely, I always had been. But the strange thing was that it was a nagging feeling now. Why feel it so badly right now when it had always been a part of who I was?

It didn't take me long to figure out the exact answer to that.

"It's okay, Hillary." He whispered, breathing into my hair. I sighed into his neck and pressed my wet eyes to his comparatively cold skin.

Kai was the answer. I needed somebody to love. Someone who'd hold me close and tell me it'll be alright. Someone who I'd call my own and only my own. No-one else's. Was that too much to ask? To as for someone who'd be all mine?

Could Kai be the one? I knew I had feelings for him but I was still a teenager. My hormones were still active. Just because I had feelings for him didn't mean he was the one for me. The realization was even more disappointing than anything else. He was mature, he was strong, he'd been every bit supportive of my every decision, he accepted me, he cared for me…

I had even seen the proof in his expression. He was afraid for me. He feared that I was so down. Was it possible that he liked me too? I mean, in the same unknown way I liked him?

He pulled me close against his chest where I stayed for a while, thinking over the complicated situation. It was when his lilac scent over-powered my senses, intoxicating me, that I felt something; a low shaking feeling. Like the after effect of a morning coffee cup, like the feeling after walking beneath the sun in the dawn, like the refreshed feeling after taking a shower. It was like worry never existed anymore. It was different from feeling secure…it was like feeling careless. It felt like it didn't even matter that there was a tower of worries hovering over me. Why should it matter as long as I was where I was?