Three years later…

Sam hated it when she cried. She tried to hide it from him but he could always tell. Whenever he asked about it Mercedes would make excuses – she was missing her dad, she was homesick for her Sector, work deadlines were stressing her or she was just tired. When that got old she blamed it on her hormones and he accepted that excuse for the longest time not knowing any better. Every time she got her period she became positively depressed and one time he'd even suggested maybe she needed to see a doctor to find out if there was something that could be done to help.

She hadn't spoken to him for three whole days after that and he never quite understood exactly what it was that he'd said that was so damn wrong.

Then one day it all came flying out. One of her clients had come for a fitting and brought her baby along with her. Mercedes had cooed and fussed over the child and even Sam had stayed around to play a little. The girl was around the age Stacey had been when she died and he felt a strange affinity to the chubby little thing. Mercedes was fine the whole time the visitors were there, but the second they left she fell apart.

"I'm a failure Sam." He held her as she wept against his shoulder, the first time that she hadn't had the opportunity to hide her tears from him. It was as if she was simply too tired and drained to attempt to escape him this time.

"No you're not! You're a successful business woman, you have everything you could possibly need and to top it all you have me! Not that you need me, but I'm like some stray puppy you found on the street once and decided to keep out of the kindness of your heart and I'll always be grateful for that."

She smiled a watery smile and smacked him gently on the arm. "Don't be so silly! You're not some stray puppy. You're the man I love! And I love you with every ounce of my being Sam. I just wish I could give you everything but I can't."

He didn't understand. "You have! You gave me my life back and you gave me your love. You've already given me more than I could ever have hoped for."

She pulled back from him a little and looked up at him sadly. "Not everything though…"

He could tell that she was struggling with something and suddenly for the first time he started to understand what it might be. "Mercedes, you don't have to-"

"A baby Sam. I can't give you a baby!"

"Cede-"

"It's been three years Sam, three!"

Sam held her tightly, not knowing what to say as she sobbed. "I have so much love in me to give and so do you but-"

He stopped her with a kiss. "When the time is right, it will happen and we'll be the best parents in the world. And it will happen. We love each other and there will be children born out of that love."

"So why hasn't it happened yet. I'm young, I'm healthy, and it's not as if we don't, you know…"

Oh yes he did know. They made love, all the time, the only exception being when she was on her period, but even during those times she still made sure that he was completely satisfied in other ways. "We'll just keep trying. I want nothing more than to have children with you Mercedes. You'll be the perfect mother and I'll just be right here doing my best to keep up with you."

She buried her face in his chest. "But how long is it going to take?"

"It'll take as long as it takes Mercedes. Like you said, you're still young. If you have faith that it will happen then it will."

Mercedes pulled back and looked up at him with another watery smile. "Did you just talk to me about having faith Sam? You of all people?"

He grinned back. "Yeah. I guess I just did. Seems like I've been spending far too much time around you! Unfortunately it seems to be a bad habit that I can't seem to give up."

"But I really want this for you Sam. I want this for us."

"I want it too." He brushed his hand against her locks which had matured nicely and grown in length before kissed her tenderly. "The way I see it, the only way for us to get a baby is to make one. So… if you're up for it…" Sam started trailing kisses along her neck and throat that made her gasp, "I was thinking we could start trying right now…"

Mercedes grabbed his face and kissed him feverishly. It was all the answer he needed to carry her into the bedroom and spend the rest of the day making slow sweet love to her.

"Happy anniversary babe!"

Mercedes was so busy stuffing her door keys into her purse that she almost didn't hear Sam's words. Looking up at him she grinned at the sight and he could tell his surprise pleased her. Pulling her towards the table she saw the two trays, one piled with fries and the other with wings coated in his own special barbecue sauce. Since he was home the most he had developed a love for cooking. Obviously his skills were never going to be a match for his wife but he made sure that he more than pulled his weight in the kitchen when she was out and loved to experiment.

Mercedes grinned and ran to him, placing a soft kiss on his lips. "Happy anniversary love."

He looked down at her with a cheeky grin. "You forgot didn't you…"

Her face turned sheepish. "Sam we have an anniversary every month for something!"

It was true. The undiscovered romantic in Sam loved to make an anniversary out of any small event in their lives. "I know. But this one's special. The burgers are outside on the grill. I put them on as soon as I saw you approach."

She grinned at him then grabbed the two trays of food. "So what are you waiting for? Go grab the music player and some wine!"

"That's the spirit! But you're forgetting something that has to happen first." Holding out his arms she walked straight into them, allowing him to squeeze her tight. "That first hug when we got out of the Transit Sector-"

"The one where you nearly squeezed the life out of me!"

"You know you loved it!"

"Mmmhmmm…" Her voice was muffled as her face got buried in his chest. Every time they were in this position he remembered exactly how he'd felt. The fear that she may not make it back out of the Transit Sector and the desire to never let her go.

As they sat outside sharing burgers sliced in half he grinned. "Did I ever tell you how you nearly drove me insane with the sauce on your lip?"

She raised an eyebrow. Of course he'd told her, a million times. But her eyes were lit with mischief. "Really? What did it make you want to do?"

"Remove it."

"Is that so?"

The wicked glint in her eye got stronger and her pupils dilated as she dipped her finger into the ketchup and smeared a little on her bottle lip. "Care to demonstrate how you would have done that…?"

What they started over the meal they finished in the bedroom. Usually after making love he had the sweetest sleep, but this night he dreamed of that day. He was back in the alley sweating and waiting impatiently for her. But this time after hearing footsteps he raised his head to see not his sweet Mercedes, but a group of armed Sector Patrols surrounding his, each with a gun pointed at his head. Only the Patrols weren't really men but the pale ghostlike faces of men he'd killed. As he recoiled in fear one of them smiled, ashen skin peeling back to reveal maggot ridden teeth. The maggots crawled down his chin and started to fall to the ground as he mouthed the words 'Did you think we would never catch up with you?"

Fighting for breath Sam's eyes struggled to adjust to the darkness. Mercedes lay next to him, her breathing steady and indicative of deep sleep. Reluctantly he pulled away from her and got up, making his way to the bathroom where he washed his face before staring at his reflection in the mirror.

Damn he looked spooked. Closing his eyes he took several deep, calming breaths.

"Sam are you okay? You've been up a long time."

He turned to see Mercedes at the bathroom door with a concerned expression on her face. He opened his mouth but words failed him so he simply nodded. But his wife could read him like a book. Before he could even think she'd approached and embraced him. "What did you dream?"

"I was in the Transit Sector waiting for you but instead of you it was my past that came to meet me."

Reaching up she caressed his cheek the way she did when he was still wearing his beard. "You're safe here. You're with me. We made it. We made it together!"

He nodded but could barely look at her, the happiness of their anniversary evening now a million miles away. How could she want this? How could she want him?

"Come back to bed." Unable to find the words to express what he was feeling he allowed her to lead him back to bed and crawled in beside her, pulling her close but not even daring to kiss her even though he wanted nothing else.

Mercedes placed her hand on his chest over his heart and moved her mouth to his ear. "I'm never going to stop reminding you that I love you Sam. I know and I understand that you have a past, but I also know and understand that it's behind you now. If I had any problems with it I wouldn't be with you. It's not my place to judge or punish you for what happened before we met."

"But-"

She moved her hand and placed a finger over his lips. "No 'buts' Sam. When we you said your vows to me I knew that you meant them with every atom of your being. The same goes for my vows to you. I told you that I love you and that I love you willingly. I choose to love you. I know who you are and I chose to accept. You didn't force me to have feelings and whatever pain you're going through I've chosen to be by your side through all of it, until death do us part. We're both damaged and we both have hurt inside that may never be fully repaired, but we also have each other, and that's the most important thing."

Sam was glad for the cover of darkness. It hid the fact that her words had made his eyes sting and water. Knowing there was nothing he could possibly say in response to her he reached over and kissed her, holding her close and knowing he could never let her go.

Another three years later…

Things were strained. There was no denying it. Two damaged people living together would undoubtedly eventually take its toll. Even though they were still trying for a baby they made love less and less and Mercedes spent more and more time in the Sector Center. She told him that she was working but he knew that she was seeing her 'friends' too. He understood that she needed the outlet but also resented her time away.

It frustrated him. Sam knew Mercedes was made of a strong moral fiber that meant she wouldn't cheat on him, but she was beautiful and continually travelled into Sector Center without his protection. For her to be seen alone all the time would surely give men the green light to see how far they could go with her. His greatest fear was that maybe one day she would stop coming back up to their house on the hill. Maybe she would find some other man who could give her what she wanted.

The rational side of his brain told him that paranoia was taking over but it was getting harder and harder to fight it.

Then it occurred to him that maybe the reason she wasn't getting pregnant wasn't actually her at all, but they had never properly spoken about it.

What if the problemwas him? What if he was some way inadequate in the fertility department? It was a tough question as well as a blow to his manhood. Maybe it wasn't for a monster like him to procreate and bring more potential killers into the world. But would he be prepared to let her go and find somebody new to have children with? He should, but he knew the reality was that it would only happen over his dead body. There was no way he was ever going to give her up!

Then there was a name she'd mentioned. A name which came up in conversation more times than he was comfortable with. Joe. Joe Hart. Mercedes didn't realize it but she smiled whenever she mentioned his name. He was a wanderer who did odd repair works at the boutique where her clothes were sold. Apparently he was also a man of faith. Sam didn't like him. He had no reason to as he'd never met the man and if he was a man of faith he should be above reproach, but… Mercedes was beautiful. Very beautiful. And great men had fallen at lesser hurdles.

And even if he wasn't after her to destroy her marriage, what if she looked at him and saw what she didn't have? Joe was a man of faith rather than a heathen like himself. Someone who could give her the life that she wanted. A man who could go out around the Sector with her, her doing the kind of things that couples did. Not like the one paltry first and last meal date in a restaurant that they'd been on where she had paid. A good man. A man who could give her the children she wanted to make her happy. What was to stop her from deciding that Sam wasn't what she wanted after all? What was to stop her from realizing that she'd sold herself short and that there were men who were so much better than him out there who could give her not just a little more, but who could give her everything that someone as amazing as her deserved.

Men who didn't come with the kind of baggage that he had to carry around on a daily basis. Men who weren't spooked by shadows.

The thoughts tortured Sam. Every time Mercedes closed her eyes when she kissed him he wondered if she was picturing someone else. Every time she went to Sector Center and was more than five minutes later than she said she'd be, he wondered where she was and who she was with. Every extra trip that she made which wasn't for the bare essentials he put down as her taking an opportunity to find somebody better than him.

It drove him mad. All the time that he wasn't going into Sector Center was time Mercedes could spend finding somebody better than him. And it wouldn't be hard to do. Yet the longer he stayed away, the harder it became to actually bring himself to actually do it. It had been years and he'd now reached the point where leaving their home area and mixing with others became an impossibility. It was like a self-fulfilling prophecy. All it took was one person to recognize his tattoo and not only would he be dead, but Mercedes would be taken out too. Besides, he should be rotting in jail for his crimes. If the Sector couldn't do it, he would do it for himself. He didn't deserve a normal life when he'd taken it away from so many others.

So instead, he brewed. And all that happened was the jealousy got greater. Mercedes mentioned Joe again. This time he'd seen her at the market and they'd talked. The man had told her he'd considered purchasing one of Sam's paintings and the thought of I made Sam livid. How dare the man use him as an excuse to talk to her! He'd scoured each of the names on his order list just to make sure that none were by a person named Joe.

"This Joe Hart guy knows that you're married right?" Sam asked the question randomly one afternoon while Mercedes packed her latest batch of clothing to take to Sector Center.

"Of course he does. He asks after you and your wellbeing." She looked up at him with an expression of confusion and he guiltily was unable to meet her eyes. Sometimes her innocence knew no bounds.

"Good." He had turned and made himself busy, sorting through his paint brushes, but he could still feel that she was staring intently at him.

"Sam, are you jealous?"

Damn right I am! I can't go into the Sector and defend you from the man's lecherous ass!

"Because Joe's not like that. He's respectful. I know what it's like to be hit on and he doesn't do it."

Now he was definitely piqued. "So guys hit on you?"

"Only a couple." She bit her lip, clearly regretting those words, and it took everything Sam had to not fly into a jealous rage. Nobody had the right to hit on his wife. If it wasn't for the fact that he'd put himself at risk that first day in the Sector and caught the attention of Sector Patrol Officers, he would follow her on every trip and act like her bodyguard. "But don't worry Sam," she touched his arm gently with a smile and held out her hand with her simple wedding band, "I definitely put them in their places before they get any ideas."

"Good." He pulled her to him and pressed her against his body. "Because you're mine."

"I'm yours and you're mine Sam." She lifted up her face to him and he immediately kissed her, taking his time to suck on her bottom lip and only releasing it at the last possible moment. He listened at the contented moan she produced in response to his action. "You know I love you and there's no need to be jealous."

"Who says I'm jealous?" He brought his face down to nuzzle her neck.

"Your eyes Sam, your eyes."

He slid his hands down to her ass and pulled her to rub against his hardening erection. "You're not looking in my eyes right now."

"You know exactly what I mean."

"And you know exactly what you mean to me Mercedes. You're myeverything. Other men may be better than me, but I got you first and I'm keeping you!" He moved his lips back to hers and kissed her possessively, one hand moving to her breast while the other smacked her ass, smiling against her lips at the moan of pleasure he received in response.

Now that he had her, he was a man with a mission. He needed to distract her from the thoughts and paths of other men. Taking the hand from her breast he slid it down between them, underneath her skirt and into her panties. "Don't go to Sector Center this afternoon."

She gasped as his fingers teased her clit. "I have to. I have clients with orders due in today."

Sam could tell by her tone that she was going to hold to it. With a frustrated moan he slipped his hand even further down, pushing one finger up and inside her, causing her hips to rock. "So go in late then…"

"Sam I-"

He moved his kisses from her lips to her jaw and then her neck. Her body was an instrument of pleasure and he knew how to play it perfectly. Mercedes was quickly lost in his touch, not even realizing that her sweater was raised and her bra now undone.

Despite initial protests, that afternoon she did make it to Sector Center but went almost an hour late. And she bore fresh marks of love on her neck and walked with a spring in her step.

Best of all, she wore a grin of sexual satisfaction that there was no way she'd be able to hide from the world.