Italics are flashbacks!
Hope you enjoy the chapter!
We had finally met up with the other three that were hunting with us when Atom noticed a thick yellow smoke heading our way, there was in no way this smoke was a good thing. We had heard a horn go off not to long before we saw it climbing in our direction. We had instantly took off running, Charlotte running as close to me as she could.
Bellamy was ahead of me quite a ways, I saw him stop and look around. He was looking for me; he was always looking for me. "Rayne!" He yelled his voice shaking, he was afraid.
"Bellamy!" I called to him as he quickly ran to my and Charlottes side.
"We have to hide, this smoke. It's not good. I think it's toxic."
I nodded, "the camp is too far we'll never make it Bell." I said to him as we continued running. "We need to find a place now." I told him pulling Charlotte to come closer to me; I needed to keep her safe.
That's when it hit me, Clarke, Finn and Wells where outside. I hoped to god they where still alive. Found a cave or something to hide in. Keep them safe until the fog dissipates or vanishes.
"Come on!" Bellamy yelled to the entire group. "There are caves this way." He said putting his hand out for me to grab hold of. I took his hand and felt him pull Charlotte and I, in one direction. "Where's Atom?" I called out.
"I'm over here." I heard a voice.
"I can't see him… Bellamy…" I said my voice shaking.
Bellamy was leading Charlotte and I up a steep hill, and away from the fog. I couldn't even see where the other four where. The fog was so thick and yellow, whenever it had caught up to us it would burn the skin, make us cough like crazy. Was it toxic? Did the grounder blow that horn to warn us about the fog? If they did then they're more human than the council on the Ark. They would literally kill at the chance to eliminate people for no reason.
We finally reached a cave entrance, it was similar to the one Bellamy and I had found days before. When we had gotten intimate, I could feel my cheeks growing warm at the memory the first time we had been together.
I knew I loved the thought of being with him, but knowing how angry it was making Murphy ate at me. He was such a sweet guy, but I just… apart of me didn't think I was what he needed. It was hard enough being with Bellamy. Murphy was twice as angry as he was, on a good day.
We finally reached a cave I could hear Atom screaming Bellamy's name as he pushed Charlotte into the cave. "We have to go get him." I told Bellamy. He looked at me, cupping my face, "He'll be fine, Rayne please. Get inside the cave, I'm sure he got to one of the other caves."
I looked at him, I certainly hoped he did… if this fog was deadly and it killed Atom. I don't know how Octavia would take that. I don't know I would be able to handle her that sad. I looked at him my eyes begging him to quickly reconsider looking to Atom quickly, "He'll be fine." He reassured me as we both ran into the cave.
It had been hours since the fog had first attacked us; Charlotte was wrapped in our jackets lying on some flat less pointy rocks as Bellamy and I sat a short way away from her. We had sat in silence like this since shortly after Charlotte had fallen asleep which was literally two hours ago.
"Are you mad at me about telling Clarke I would kill Jasper in the morning?" He finally said breaking the silence.
"No, I'm not upset. You're right, if his condition isn't any better once I get him the medicine… than that is the only humane option we have. I just… I feel guilty Bellamy." I told him softly.
"You feel guilty? What do you feel guilty for?" He asked me as he got up and moved closer to me.
"Murphy." I said softly.
I looked over at Bellamy who had his head lowered, not making eye contact with me what so ever. I took a deep breath, "I feel guilty because every time he sees me with you, I know it hurts him. I don't even know why or understand why he has feelings for me…" I explained.
"Truth be told, I don't even know why I have feelings for you… I just do. Every time you're around me I feel like a little kid, I feel bubbly, happy, and silly. Sometimes the way you look at me, it makes me feel beautiful… like I'm the only person you see. I like feeling that way." I told him noticing how he was now looking at me from the corner of his eye.
"I feel guilty that when I'm around Murphy. I feel like I'm talking to a long lost friend, or a sibling… not someone I want to be with…" He placed his hand on my cheek that wasn't facing him and turned my head to face him.
"Rayne, I know it's only been a little over a few weeks since we've been down here but… I feel like ever since that one day in the mess hall…" He stopped, what was he talking about the day in the mess hall? I don't remember ever meeting Bellamy before landing on Earth.
"I just feel the need to be close to you. You're perfect in your own way. I mean sure you can be snappy and having a rough attitude but when it's just you and me… I feel like we're the only people down here." I smiled at him before looking down.
"Are you growing soft on me Belles?" I asked him as I playfully punched his shoulder.
"I'm serious Ray… I can't help the feeling I get whenever you're around me. I feel protective of you, responsible, I think I might be –" He was cut off by Charlotte screaming in fear as she woke up from a dead sleep. Her face covered in sweat and tears. I ran to her side immediately, closely followed by Bellamy.
"No!" She kept screaming, "Char." I said gently placing my hands on her leg. "Char it's ok." I told her.
"Charlotte, wake up." Bellamy said his voice was so calm, so tender, caring and sweet. He had started to care for the girl in such a short time. He was probably the same way I was with her.
I looked at her like she was a little sister, someone to look after and care for. Someone I could help with any choices or problems they may have. Help them grow, with all the fighting and bickering that was going on between him and Octavia I could see why he was already so attached to Charlotte. She was a clean slate for him.
"I'm sorry I woke you guys." She said softly.
"No, no… Char it's fine we weren't even sleeping sweetheart." I told her softly. Rubbing her knee, in an attempt to calm her.
"Does this happen often?" He asked her, she looked at me remembering the conversations she and I used to have. I used to have the same nightmares she has now.
I still had them; they just stopped waking me up. It would start with a wonderful time, being with your family. Them holding you close, tell you they loved you. Than quicker than you could bat an eye lash they where being sucked through a door into space, and the last face you see… is Chancellor Jaha and Kane. Or at least that's how my dreams always went, sometimes it was just the Chancellor, other times it was Kane. I looked over at her nodding my head slightly. Letting her know she was safe telling him things.
Even though, I barely told him anything about myself. He knew nothing about what happened to my parents. He didn't even really know why I was down here, what I did to get down here. He didn't even know who my parents were. It did make me feel guilty.
Charlotte had taken a deep breath looking at me a second time, "What are you scared of?" He asked her. "You know what? It doesn't matter."
She looked at me again as I smiled at her softly. "It's going to be ok Char." I told her as I pulled her in for a quick hug before letting her lean back.
"The only thing that matters is, what you do about it." He told her with a smile, I turned my head to look at him; he had done the same to me. I leaned my head on his shoulder Charlotte smiled at us.
"But… I'm asleep." She said turning her attention to him.
"Fears are fears." He began to explain to her as he wrapped an arm around my waist putting the other on her arm in a comforting manner.
"Slay your demons when you're awake. Then they won't be there to get you when you sleep." He continued, "You can't let things scare you sweetheart, if we let things scare us. They will just continue to haunt us when we're asleep." I told her as Bellamy squeezes my hip.
"Yea but how?" She asked us looking from him to me.
"You can't afford to be weak." Bellamy told her softly. "Down here, weakness is death, fear is death." He told her as she looked to me. "You wont always have Bellamy and I here to protect you from your fears hun." I told her as she lowered her head.
"Exactly, let me see the knife I gave you." He asked her.
She hesitantly pulled the knife out from her belt loop looking at Bellamy still unsure and confused. She handed it to him, and he looked at her with a softhearted smile on his lips. "Now, when you feel afraid. You hold tight to that knife, and you say, 'Screw you. I'm not afraid.'" He told her as he handed the knife back to her. He looked at me and I kissed his cheek, this was honestly the Bellamy I loved being around. I loved seeing how caring he could get, how amazing he could be. It made my heart swell; it made me swoon over him.
She took the knife and held it lightly in her hands. "Screw you. I'm not afraid." She said lightly looking down at the blade.
I was honestly surprised she had even taken Bellamy's little lesson seriously. She was always so timid and shy; maybe being on Earth was a good thing for her. Gave her confidence and self-esteem. The two things robbed from her when her parents where floated.
She looked up at Bellamy, causing me to move so I could look at him too. He gave her a funny look, she then took a deep breath and swallowed hard on the saliva in her mouth before tightening her grip on the tiny knife.
"Screw you. I'm not afraid." She said again her voice more stern this time.
Bellamy smiled at her and patted her on the shoulder. "Slay your demons, kid." He said to her softly. "Then you'll be able to sleep." He told her as he moved to a spot where he then leaned against the cave wall patting the spot next to him.
"Everything will be fine sweetheart." I told her giving her a hug, "Try and get some sleep." I told her as I made my way over to Bellamy sitting next to him as he wrapped his arms around me.
Sitting in my cell I paced back and forth, if by the ticks I where making on the wall correct. I've been here almost a week and a half already. Which means I missed, three visits to Charlotte and two visits with Clarke. Great. Just call me miss dependable why don't you?
I sat on the ground and looked up to the sky window above me. Mars was there, good old Mars. I took a deep breath tucking my arms under my head to prop it up off the cold floor. That's when I saw Mars had moved slightly. I was going to see Jupiter and some of its moons.
Just like I had with Clarke a few weeks earlier. I took a deep breathe, it was just as beautiful now as it was when I was with Clarke staring up at the planets with her. God what I would give to tell her what had happened with me, why I couldn't visit her. Why I was being such a lousy friend to her. Tell her it was her mom who did this to us both.
My mind travelled to that boy I met in the mess hall. The one I had flirted with over picking up trash. I began to wonder what he looked like under his uniform. What color was his hair? What did his face look like? Was he a nice guy? Did he enjoy doing adventurous things? Or was he more of a romantic? I took a deep breath; guess that's something I will never know. Just have to add it to a growing list of things I will never experience.
I would never get a family of my own, a child, and children even. I would never know what it's like to be head doctor in the hospice wing. Wouldn't get to go on real dates, walk through an actual forest, and learn how to swim in an actual pool of water. Breath air, see animals… most importantly. I would never get to experience love. Real love, like we would read about in class.
I wasn't sure what was worse, knowing that someone I looked to as a second mother had left me down and turned me in for doing the right thing. Or that a man I grew up hating was my real father. Why would my mom lie about Kane, she always told me to stay away from him and that he was a horrible man.
Why didn't the fact that he wanted to help me now make me care in the slightest? Like did he think now after twenty-one years I would just suddenly forgive him and start calling him dad? He really had to be insane to think I would ever see him as anything but a monster. He was exactly that, a monster. I hated him, I hated all of them every single person on the council.
I hope they realized no matter what this mission is they might send me on. I will never do what they wanted; I would do the exact opposite… Abby manipulated me for nine years. If she thought I was going to do anything for them she was wrong. Dead wrong.