I complicated our lives by falling in love with him / I complicated our lives, now I'm losing my only friend

I don't know why / I have to try / Living my life on the other side

Now I'm so confused / I don't know what to do / He loves me

Loves Me Not

Draco stood before the Fat Lady painting. This is ridiculous. "Gillyweed." He said to the painting, and it swung open to reveal the passage to the Gryffindor common. The sight of Gryffindors against the red and yellow was nauseating, but that was nothing compared to what happened next.

"Harry!" Ginny squealed, running up to Draco and giving him a big hug. "Oh, we've all missed you, so much." Ginny quickly let go as she felt Draco recoil. "Oh, you're still sore. Come sit down." She grabbed Draco's hand and dragged him by the fire.

"Hey mate, how are you feeling?" Seamus came up to Draco. Ron was right behind. They decided that despite their snuggling up under the stars, whatever their relationship was, or would be, would stay between them for the time being.

"Sore. The accident is a bit of a muddle." Draco replied. "Things are a bit hazy in general though." He decided he needed a catch-all statement to save him from future missteps in speech. Pretending to be Harry was sure to have some hiccups.

"I can only imagine." Seamus sympathized. "That fucking asshole ferret Malfoy. It's a shame the fall didn't do more harm to him." And there was the first hiccup. Draco wanted to lunge out at Seamus, but repressed his anger, which for Draco was easy enough, and oddly painless.

"Yeah." Draco said. "If only."

"Well I'm glad you're okay." Seamus said, patting Draco's shoulder. "The house would be a wreck if anything terrible happened to you." Seamus crossed over to a chair and Ron followed, placing himself on the arm.

"Just the last couple nights have been rough, not knowing how things were going to turn out." Ron said.

Hermione added. "We're just trying to say, you know, and maybe we don't say this often enough, but we care about you."

They all looked at Draco, with their faces, he noted. Contorted into some strange smiling, but with their eyes. As though they were sincere. What the hell are they doing? He tried to smile too, but he could tell that it came off forced. He knew what a smile looked like, of course, and he knew which muscles to move, but he never really smiled like this. The smiling faces of Harry's friends surrounding him, and having to deal with the feelings. He couldn't handle it. "Thanks, yeah. Can...I know I've been in the infirmary, but I'm just so tired. I'm just gonna head to bed." Much to Draco's horror, they weren't angry, and some look even more foreign washed onto their faces. A smile without teeth, slightly raised eyebrows and a half lowered lid, and Granger had cocked her head to the side. Can they not understand how odd they look right now.

"Oh, you poor thing." Hermione said. "It's not a problem. Go rest, we'll talk later." The group nodded their heads and Draco could still sense some strange feeling coming from them. He slowly got up and backed away, figuring a full sprint would arouse suspicion.

In the dorm, he identified Harry's bed and walked over to it. He sat down and let out a breath. What just happened? Why were they being so nice? Draco's head was swimming in confusion. Is it always like this? It can't be. These people, all of them, they're only supposed to be liking Potter because he's some famous, self-absorbed pseudo-celebrity. That feeling, those smiles, they were real. You can't just fake that. He's actually loved.

As a child, Draco had been put through hell by his father in the name of Voldemort. Lucius had intended to turn his son into the best Death Eater he could be. Lucius' favorite form of training was the hex he used on Draco to instill a message, by leaving little cuts on his chest that would open when he ever thought or acted in a way that was contradictory to his father's teachings. "Son." Lucius started one day in his training. "One of the greatest downfalls of man is that they have no control over their emotions. You see, emotions are incredibly powerful. Man has died in fits of lust, love, wrath, and sadness. If you do not learn to control your feelings, they will control you." Lucius raised his wand and muttered his curse, forming several cuts on Draco's chest. "This is the most important lesson, so punishment will be grave if you fail to take away anything. You cannot be emotive. People can play on that. It is a weakness, and you must quash it. You cannot give in. Feelings mean nothing in the grand scheme of things."

Draco sat on Harry's bed and he was overcome with so many feelings. Then it struck him. There was no pain. The years of torture he endured from his father in an effort to dull him of emotion, they all washed away. He could feel something other than the pain of his wounds opening whenever his emotions became too strong. It was too much for him to handle and he started to cry. He quickly put his face into Harry's pillow in case people could hear his sobs. He was like this for awhile, stifling the sound of his howling cries. He had soon worn himself out and passed out.

"Weasley is our king." Harry said, opening the wall to the Slytherin chamber. They sure know how to run a joke into the ground. As he reached the common room, he was a bit surprised by the welcome, or rather the lack thereof. "I'm back?" Zabini and Nott turned their heads, but were disinterested in what they saw and returned to their studies. Nobody else even looked up. "Doesn't anybody care about how I am?"

"It's not like you to care about what we think, Malfoy." Nott said with his head still down.

"I don't." Harry lied, trying to sound more like Draco, "But you should. Because I'm me."

"That sounds more like him." Blaise said to Theodore, and they both chuckled.

Harry rolled his eyes and in a huff, went to find his room. The dorm was kind of depressing. The windows looked out into the lake, but despite it being noon, it still looked dark outside. He found Draco's bed and went to lie down. He didn't really know what to do. Draco made it seem like he was always with some band of cohorts, but they didn't pay him any mind. Is this how it always is? He decided to try and find Draco's things to study. He didn't have his friends, and Draco didn't have any of his own, so his options were limited.

However, something was found that was sure to give him plenty to do. In Draco's trunk, way at the bottom (Harry may have decided to snoop a bit before studying) was a little black book that he assumed was his diary. He opened it to the first page and read:

I can keep my emotions here. In the morning, I have just enough time to express what I need to before the pain gets to me. I am scared that I will change too much if I can't let myself feel. They tear open if I express emotion outwardly. Even holding it inside causes pain, but if I don't express it, it doesn't hurt as much. I must stop writing now, the p...

The writing ended abruptly as a line of ink was hurriedly scrawled at the end of the entry. He opened to a later entry:

I can hate. I can be angry. I can be mean. It figures that I don't have to keep my negative emotions in check. I can't be happy or love, but I guess after awhile of only showing hate, I won't have anyone to love. He gets the brunt of my hatred, but only because I want to show him I have feelings for him, but I just can't show the right ones.

Harry was enthralled, and he continued reading:

I love him. I can't do anything about it. I love him. Ever since I first saw him at Madame Malkin's...

Harry shut the book quickly. Shit.

Draco woke up just as the sun was setting. His eyes were dry and he was groggy, but he felt good to finally let out tears. He also recognized that he felt good. Maybe this won't be so bad, being in Harry's body. And then he realized he was in Harry's body. The boy who he had just wanted to be close to for the last five years, who he fell for at first sight, was finally in his reach. He suddenly felt the need to shower, but on his way he noticed something coming from the next bed over. He walked over and saw a shiny corner of a book underneath the pillow. He looked around to make sure he was still alone, and grabbed it. On the cover was a big RW. Draco fingered through it. Some whiny stuff about his brothers and sister, being poor, losing his rat, typical Weasel stuff. Love Harry. Wait, what? Draco kept reading and found that Ron seemed to harbor some unrequited attraction for the boy whose body Draco now inhabited. Well of course it's unrequited, Harry's holding out for me, he just doesn't know it yet. He skipped ahead to the latest entry. Stars in the sky and cuddling next to Seamus. Not surprised, I saw them together down there, trying to hide it. As father said, to show emotion is weakness, no matter how small you try to make it.

Draco had completely forgotten about the want to see his new self naked, and instead started scheming. Why should they get to be happy? I can finally feel happy, and now I want to be happy. He went into the bathroom to quickly freshen up. He's gorgeous. Draco stared into the mirror; he almost couldn't resist himself, but he had other plans. He headed downstairs and was happy to see Ron sitting at the fire, unfortunately Seamus was there too.

Ron sensed a presence behind him and turned his head. "Harry, you're awake. Feeling better?"

"A little, I think I need some fresh air. Wanna go for a walk?" Draco suggested.

"Sure that sounds great. Hey, we can go see Hagrid, it's been too long, and he'll want to know how you are." Draco didn't like the sound of that, but wasn't going to argue. "Hey, Hermione, want to come with us to see Hagrid?" Draco was relieved when Hermione declined, saying something about O.W.L.S. "Those are for almost ever away from now." Ron said. Draco wanted to kick him for trying to get her to quit studying, but ever diligent Hermione still declined, and then scolded him for not being focused on the big exams too. "Fine. How about you Seamus?"

Fearing that he would not decline, Draco stepped in, "I was hoping for just some time with...my best friend." Years of hate did not let those words come out easily. "Maybe he can come with the next time." Seamus looked a bit bummed, and Ron mouthed sorry. "Come on, Ron. See you all later." He said with a smile that was not as forced as last time, but still needed some practice.

They had made it outside and neither a word was shared between the two of them. "Is there something wrong, Harry." Ron asked, stopping them at the doors of the castle. "You didn't say anything."

Draco sighed, trying to find the words to say. "It's hard to explain." he didn't try very hard to find those words.

"You know you can tell me anything. Best friends, just like you said." Ron smiled. Draco didn't pay much mind to Ron in the past, focusing most of his attention on Harry, but he didn't mind what he saw, which made it easier as Ron was a distant second to what he had pined for with Harry. "You can explain on our way to Hagrid's."

Ron started walking towards the little hut, but Draco hadn't followed behind. "Wait." He called out. Ron turned, and was confused by the gap in distance. Draco jogged to catch up with Ron and said, "I don't want to see Hagrid. I just wanted to be alone with you." Draco took a step forward, closing the gap between the two boys.

Ron took the smallest of steps back. "Wh-why did you me alone?" He asked in a barely coherent string of words. "I mean...me you alone. Why?" Ron did not make himself any clearer. He took a gulp of air and he suddenly felt hot.

"There's something about being impaled in the chest and dropping hundreds of feet that makes you think about the brevity of life." Draco started. He had no idea what he was doing. He had never flirted or been direct, or even imagined himself in some romantic entanglement, even with Harry, his body hadn't allowed for that. But he was free to allow lust and love flow through him. He just had to wing it and hope for the best. In a surprise move for both parties, Draco took Ron's hand in his. "I couldn't let another day go by without letting you know how I felt." It was a lie, and guilt, which he had never been able to feel, had hit him hard, but he couldn't take it back now.

Ron stood there staring at Harry's face. "What? Do you mean that?" Draco could have told him the truth, that he saw Ron's diary, and that it was a mean joke, but he felt Ron's hand, tightening his, and he could see the look in Ron's eyes. He knew that this is what love must feel, he could feel Ron's love emanating and it felt amazing. He wanted more. "Harry?"

Draco leaned forward and kissed Ron, answering him. They broke their kiss, and already Draco was pining for more. "Yes, of course I mean that." He didn't, or at least he wasn't sure if he did, but he knew that if he told the truth, he wouldn't be able to kiss Ron again.

Ron took Draco's face into his hands and kissed him hard. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting for you to say that." Ron wrapped his arms around Draco's neck. "I'm so happy right now, Harry."

"Me too." Draco said. He couldn't believe how amazing he felt with Ron. "I've never felt this way before."

Seamus entered the Gryffindor commons, tears running down his face. Hermione and Dean, who were working on transfiguration homework, looked up and noticed his crying. "Oh my, Seamus are you okay?" Hermione asked, leaving her scrolls. "What happened?"

"This is your fault." Seamus said, pointing his finger at Dean. "You had to push me." Seamus ran up to the dorm room.

Hermione turned to Dean with a look of confusion, "What did you do?"

"I honestly don't know." Dean asked shrugging, and headed up to talk with his friend.

As he entered the dorm, Dean had to duck as Seamus conjured a spark of light and threw it at his friend. "Leave me alone." Dean noted that Seamus was in Ron's bed, holding his pillow tight.

"No, talk to me, Seamus." Dean said, walking forward cautiously. "What's wrong?"

"He's gone." Seamus replied. "He was barely mine and now he's gone."

"He?" Dean asked. "Ron? What happened?"

"I saw him with Harry." Seamus replied. "They were kissing outside."

Dean sat down next to Seamus and put his arm around his shoulder. "I'm sorry. Maybe he's just overwhelmed. Suddenly having two fit guys wanting him may have confused him." Seamus cracked a small smile. "He'll come to his senses." Dean assured.

"He just looked so much happier in that moment than at any time he was with me." Seamus frowned and a few tears trickled down. "I shouldn't be this upset. We weren't even like an official couple, but I've liked him for so long, and when we were together I had never felt so good." Seamus curled up and ignored Dean.

Dean left his friend to wallow while he headed down to confront Ron. "Is he okay?" Hermione asked when Dean entered the common room.

Dean sighed and shook his head. "No, he's pretty upset."

"Did he say why? What did you do?" She asked.

"It's sort of private." Dean replied. "If it becomes anything bigger, I'm sure you'll be let in on the details." Hermione nodded. "I'm gonna head downstairs to work something out. I'll be back later if you want to study some more." Hermione looked at him with a cocked eyebrow. "Oh, of course you'll want to, I'll be back later."

Dean left the common room, just as Draco and Ron were approaching. "Hey, Dean." Ron greeted.

"Oh, hey. I need to talk with you. I was going to grab a bite to eat quick, want to come with?" Dean asked Ron.

"Sure." Harry replied.

"Oh, no, I just needed to talk to Ron." Dean said, turning to Ron. "So can we talk?"

Ron looked at Draco. "Yeah, that's fine. It's fine, Harry, just wait in the common room. You can study with Hermione, she's still gung-ho on the exams." Draco rolled his eyes, but nodded and went through the passage.

"So what's up?" Ron asked as they walked away from the Fat Lady. Dean didn't respond. "You wanted to talk right?"

When they got a fair distance from the commons, Dean turned to Ron, and punched him in the arm. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What?" Ron said, grabbing his arm.

"Seamus saw you kissing Harry." Ron turned away, shame washed over his face. "I thought you were better than that. I trusted you."

"What does your trust..."

"I pushed him." Dean interrupted. "We talked about him liking you, and I could see you do little stupid things when you were around him, and when you stayed the other night because he showed up, I knew that you really did like him. I told him to go after you that night, to follow you up to the tower, because I didn't think you were gonna go and break his heart like that."

"We were barely together." Ron said.

"And? Seamus' feelings aren't as important because you don't feel as strongly for him?" Dean asked.

"It was Harry though. If I knew for a second that he felt for me what I felt for him." Ron said.

"You could have talked to Seamus, instead of letting him find you that way."Dean said.

"I didn't think he would." Ron said. And Dean punched him again.

"Really? You think the problem was that you got caught and not that you did it in the first place?" Dean said.

"I'm sorry." Ron said.

"Don't apologize to me." Dean said. "Make it right with Seamus. I'm going to grab dinner." Dean walked away from Ron. "So fix it."

Ron stood watching him leave. He felt like shit now, and didn't know how he was going to confront Seamus now.

He wasn't sure if he should be that surprised. Draco had always been especially cruel to him and his friends, but to be in love with him, Harry just didn't see that coming. Okay, it'll be fine. Can only imagine what he's doing with me right now. He can see me naked, and touch me, and... Harry's face contorted into disgust. His least favorite person in the school had to be the one trapped in his body, and he must have been so excited once that hit him. I don't know what Dumbledore was thinking, but things are going to be really messed up now.

"What are you doing?" Harry quickly hid the book under the sheets and looked up to see Blaise.

"Sitting. Why do you care?" Harry asked.

"I thought I was supposed to care about everything you do." He responded sarcastically. "Isn't that what you said?"

"Whatever, I'm still in pain from the accident. I must have just forgotten that nobody here actually cares." Harry said.

"Bloody hell, stop being a drama queen." Blaise sat on his bed across from Harry. "You are an ass to everyone, Malfoy. You know that I am probably the only person who is even sort of close to you, if you don't count the two hulking dumbasses and that trollop, Pansy, and what do you want, a medal?"

"For what?" Harry asked.

Zabini rolled his eyes. "For attacking Potter."

"Is that what happened?" Harry asked, trying to remember the fall. Did Draco really attack me?

"I suppose you should be a bit forgetful after that, but yes, and you may be lucky enough that not too many people were paying attention to you until after you lunged out for him." Blaise shook his head. "You fucked up. If any of the teachers, except maybe Snape, saw what you did, you're going to be in so much trouble."

"They haven't said anything yet." Harry was still in shock that this wasn't an accident. Is this what his love means?

"Well maybe they're waiting. I'm sure you just want to make your father proud, and doing the Dark Lord's bidding may be well and good for you, but I don't want to be pulled into your vacuum." Blaise said, standing up. "If you try this shit again, I'll stop you. There's already a war looming over our heads because of his uprising. I don't want to be stuck in a fight against Dumbledore's side." He was walking toward the door. "So the next time you injure yourself in his name, don't expect any sympathy from me."

A/N: Sorry for the delay, which tends to happen a lot. Thanks for following. I've been working on this story for a long time, so reviews and feedback and follows and faves are all super appreciated.