.
12
Petrified and paralyzed, I could only stare in horror as the blade flew towards Drew's outstretched hands. My hands were starting to sweat, and my heart was pounding so loudly in my ears that I could barely hear or make sense of anything. All I could think was that I had to run away, but I was trapped; behind me was where the hallway ended, in front of me, blocking my way, was Drew, smiling at me menacingly. He quirked his head sideways and pocketed his blade and I felt this sudden urge to punch him straight in the jaw.
"Well, looky," He spoke, and shivers ran down my spine at how cocky his voice actually sounded. I had to get out, if only I could get a chance to run away. Maybe if I pushed him… "It's Hillary."
Before I could react, someone blocked my sight of Drew and suddenly, I found myself being slammed against the wall so hard that it knocked the breath out of me. I couldn't help the tears that filled my eyes as my head hit the solid wall behind.
"Why do you have to take everything to violence, Jack?" Drew asked calmly, though he seemed annoyed. I squirmed under the tight grasp but the guy was well-built; it didn't make any difference. I regretted my hesitation to run in the first place when I had a chance because it seemed as if there was no escape now. Maybe if I scream…
"She knows!" Jack spat in my face, and I distinctively smelled alcohol. I couldn't help but cringe. His tan face was as deadly looking as his muscles were, and his eyes were almost slits; small, yellowish and unhealthy looking slits. When he had growled at me just now, I felt a strange sense of fear that even Drew had never made me feel…he could do loads worse than Drew could even imagine. He was suffocating me with his deadly tight hold; I didn't want to even think what more he could possibly do.
"Let her go." Drew replied nonchalantly, looking over from Jack, at me. "I'll make sure she doesn't tell."
The sureness in his voice petrified me.
Drew grabbed my upper arm in the most brutal hold and Jack let me go. My breathing became ragged, labored and I gasped as I tried to get more air into my lungs. Jack spat on the floor and gave me a fuming look before turning around and walking away. Drew waited till Jack was out of the hall, and I could only hope that someone find me before something bad happened.
As I watched Jack turn around the corner, Kai's face came to my mind and I couldn't help but gasp for some more air. Tears threatened to come and I had to bite my tongue to stop them; I didn't want Drew to think I was afraid right now. But at the same time, I couldn't stop my thoughts…did Kai know where I was? He was lying there in his bed, celebrating today's victory and he had no idea what was going on.
"So," Drew let go of my arm but grabbed my jaw instead before pushing me so hard, that my head slammed against the wall. I held back a curse as my already-injured shoulder started to ache, and the pain in my head started surging. "What happens now?"
Once again, I could feel my skin burning where the blade had hit me, and I tried raising my hand up to it by instinct, but Drew had no problem in stopping me by pulling it downwards. I couldn't stop the small tear that fell down my cheek this time as he squeezed my wrist in the most vile of all ways.
"Now, now." His voice was teasing and he leaned in just a little bit closer, "Don't cry just yet."
I gasped loudly as his hold got unbearable.
"There's a lot more to come."
I just wanted to run away, to my room, where I knew no-one would get to me; to the guys, who'd protect me from this...to Kai, who'd make me feel okay in his arms.
Adrenaline ran through my veins, and I tried, once again, to free myself. He squinted at my feeble attempt against him, and then he smiled.
"But first," He continued as if I had done nothing at all, "You told them, didn't you?"
His tone was so acidic, but the calmness of it scared me. What irked me all the more was that when I tried to speak, his grip on my face made it so hard to do so. So I just shook my head.
"You're lying!" The empty hallway carried his voice around, and once again, I wished someone would hear it. I clenched my jaw, trying to stop the tears from coming, as I shook my head to answer him once more. I was scared, but I was trying my best not to show it. I could tell I was failing, because his confidence never faltered.
He let go of my jaw, putting that hand on the wall instead, just behind my shoulders.
"Don't lie to me," He smiled cockily, and I struggled more as he pressed his body against mine, pushing me against the wall.
"I'm not," My voice wavered, and I regretted speaking at all because he was smiling threateningly at me again, now that I had proven that I was scared.
"You told them," He spat, his smile never leaving his features, and I had to look away to the side. He was so close, it intimidated me. But then again, maybe that's what he wanted in the first place; to make me feel threatened.
"I did not." I spat right back at him, and this time, I was proud that my voice didn't crack.
For a short while, he looked down at me angrily, his eyes searching mine for any indication that might qualify my truths as lies. I'm not sure what he saw, but it angered him all the more.
"Then tell me why, Hillary," I hated the way my name curled off his tongue, so smoothly, and yet so harshly, "did your friend, know?"
I knew he was talking about Kai, and I had to admit, for a while, that sentence made my heart skip a few beats. But then I realized that it was probably one of his attempts to intimidate me or something.
"I did not tell anyone, anything." I repeated, clearing every single syllable so that I might not have to repeat them once more.
"You didn't make an attempt to hide anything, either!" He was yelling again, but I said nothing. I barely moved, or cringed at the loudness of his words.
"And now, Hillary," His voice lowered to a dangerous tone, "You know you've got to pay for that."
"No, I don't." I replied calmly. "I didn't d-"
His hand, which was on the wall, was suddenly in my hair, pulling them so forcefully that it hurt. He pulled them downwards, yanking so much that I had to bend to keep myself from crying out in pain.
"You're lying," He whispered, and somehow, the intensity in that barely audible whisper scared me more than his yelling. "When I fought Hiwatari, he told me to stay away from you. Why?"
"He doesn't know." I protested, in Kai's defense more than my own. I didn't want him to get hurt too. "I didn't tell him."
"Oh, but he does know." He yanked at my hair and I felt some of them break contact with my scalp. I bent a little more, my hands gripping uselessly at the wall for support. "He's been around every single time I wanted to make a move, keeping that watchful eye on you, on me..."
He trailed off, as he let go of the wrist he was holding, only to grip the skin above it, with equally as much force.
"Even Ivanov knows."
I was surprised at the new name that joined the one-sided conversation...Tala knows...Tala.
Suddenly, his annoying looks took on a different meaning. Had Kai told him or was I being so obvious that he guessed it himself?
"It's your fault," His voice turned into a whisper, so slow and so ominous, "I can't get to you because they know about us."
Us...? There was no us...Only him, and his imagination telling him the set-up that would never be possible.
"I don't like being told what to do, Hillary." He whispered in my ear, pulling me down to the ground, and I didn't oblige; I didn't have the energy to stand up, or protest anyway, so I let him do as he wanted.
I was already thinking of giving up.
"Let go..." I tried to yell, but it came out as merely a small whisper because I had barely just caught my breath. He smiled.
"Now that," He moved his face so close that I couldn't see anything else, "is not an option."
"Just let go." I pleaded, once more.
He chuckled, closing his eyes and slowly, he inched his face forward.
"Maybe later." He whispered huskily.
"What are you doing?" I said, finally finding my voice at the new horror that overcame me. I squirmed and I tossed but it was so useless with one injured shoulder, one held back hand and feet that don't have the energy to hold you off the ground. He gripped my hair and pushed my head towards him. When I felt his lips against my skin, for a while, he seemed to be caught off guard that I wasn't protesting anymore. I took this to my advantage and pushed him as hard as I possibly could with my free hand; it hurt so much, the shoulder ached as the muscles got pulled at the sudden moment; but that moment worked. He fell a little backwards, and I kicked him off me with all my force. Gripping my shoulder, I pushed myself off the ground and it was when I had just stood up, that I saw it…the small, black colored beyblade that had fallen to the floor when I had pushed Drew off me. Adrenaline running through my blood, I darted towards it at the same time he did…and succeeded in grabbing it off the floor.
"No, you don't!" Drew growled, grabbing my shirt and yanking me backwards towards him when I attempted to run away. I tried elbowing him, but this time, it didn't work. He forced me to turn around and pushed me towards the wall again. I was out of breath and I when my head hit the wall once more, I started to feel light-headed all of a sudden. I doubted if I could stay conscious for more than a while.
But I wasn't giving up…I had came here, and got myself in trouble, it was only fair that I get back what I wanted in return, and in this case, it was Drew's blade. There was no way he was getting away with trying to cheat with my team.
However, determined as I was, it was only my will that kept me conscious now…I was losing energy, I could barely stand, I was feeling dizzy but I wouldn't let my hold loosen on the blade any time soon. I knew I wouldn't let go now, and I almost smiled. Through half-wet and barely-able-to-focus eyes, I saw Drew's panicked expression and felt huge pride at being the one who caused it.
"Give it back!" He yelled, pulling me before pushing me back into the wall by my waist again. I didn't know how much physical pain I could stand anymore, I didn't know if I had the energy to run away.
"No." I replied softly but firmly. His eyes gleamed a little with something, and for a second, it scared me but while he was staring at me like that, I carefully picked the bit chip off his blade, without making any noise, and pocketed the blade in my jeans…now all I had to do was run. I looked behind him, at the wall that his blade had indented, and suddenly became conscious of some warmth as something wet oozed down my skin, onto my neck….wait…..
"Fine." Drew's reply brought me back to reality and I when I looked back at his face, I saw something strange in there….something I recognized as trouble for me. Because I knew that expression, I knew it very well. It was the very same one he wore whenever I saw him before this tournament thing had started. Oh no…
"Maybe later." He smiled, and with that crashed his lips to mine. I struggled and squirmed but it was no use…My will crashed the moment his lips touched mine, and I knew I'd lost it. I had lost it, just like every time. Suddenly, Kai's face popped into my head again, and this time, I didn't even try to stop the tears from falling. If only I'd told him, if only he knew….I wouldn't even be here…If only I was less of a coward…
I was beginning to feel light-headed again just thinking about it and I had to cling to the wall behind me to support myself. I gasped for breath, finally succeeding in turning away from Drew, and yet again, saw him smile.
I was loosing my hold on reality…I could barely keep myself on ground. Everything was starting to go blurry around the edges and soon, I realized, I would go black. I could hear my loud gasps as I tried to get some air into my lungs once again. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks, pulsing fiercely through my veins; I could feel its vigor…I knew I had to get away…but I couldn't…I didn't have the strength…I couldn't even move…
Through all of this, I heard a crash that would've been loud if I could hear clearly. But when I did hear that feeble sound, through the corner of my eyes, I could see that Drew was no longer standing in front of me now…
"Oh, damn." I looked up, still gasping for breath, still fighting for energy, into crystal-blue eyes I took no time in recognizing…relief washed over me, over-powering every other emotion I was feeling.
"Tala?" I whispered so inaudibly, I barely heard it myself. I put my palms on the floor, where I now laid, and tried to push myself up. Instantly, he had his arms under mine, and when he pulled me upwards, I dropped the bit-chip I'd been holding in my hand the whole time.
That was the last thing I could clearly remember though; dropping the bit-chip on the floor. Everything that happened next, barely passed my mind…It was like watching through some translucent sheet; half of it reached some place I didn't even know and the other half that reached me….I wasn't even sure if it was real.
"…..get your ass down here now!" Some unfamiliar voice yelled from right beside me. It was probably Ian, or Spencer. "She's bleeding, you—"
Kai…they were talking to Kai…I wanted to hear the rest of the conversation, but I was gasping so loudly, I couldn't even hear Tala when he tried to say something to me….I could barely stand and as Tala lifted me up in his arms, I knew I must've zoned out because the next thing I knew….
"Hillary?" Kai…it was Kai…he was here…in front of me. I tried to look up, I wanted to see his face, I wanted to hear his voice again…
My vision was getting blurry again…tinged at the edges. I realized I hadn't stopped crying, I realized I was still in Tala's arms and that I could barely hold myself up right, I realized how urgently I was trying to get some air into my lungs, I realized how fast my heart beat was….But right now, none of it mattered. Kai said something I barely caught, and the last thing I could remember, before everything went black, was feeling the warmth of his skin as he wrapped his arms around me, and the look of panic in his eyes when he did so….
I was running, away from something I didn't know. Away from something I feared. There was a shadow lurking behind me, following my every move it seemed, because no matter how much further I tried to run away, I just kept feeling it was still there…holding me back…strangling me…
The first thing I noticed when I opened my eyes was the suddenly bright lights that entered them…I instinctively shut my eyes and waited till I adjusted…
"Hillary?"
The whisper was the second thing I noticed and it caught my attention immediately…Someone was here in the room with me…
"Are you okay?" Another voice, still a whisper though, asked. How many people were here anyway?
I wanted to say something…I wanted to say No, because heaven's knew I was not okay; especially after how things started to become clearer now… I suddenly became aware of the low, surging headache that I was feeling. I started to hear my increasingly ragged breathing. I felt something very stiff up my shoulder, which was making it hard, not to mention painful for me to put my weight on. Other than that, I heard a very slow, but continuous beeping in the background that confirmed my suspicion about the mess I was in right now.
I tried opening my eyes again when I had adjusted to the lights, and hoisted myself up by the elbow, not being able to take the pain in my shoulders anymore. It hurt a little, but someone –Max?—helped me up.
I saw that everyone was here; Tyson, Ray, Max, Kenny, Kai and even Tala. They were all crowded around the bed I was lying in but that hardly mattered. Because when I saw their faces, when I saw Kai's and Tala's faces, their bloody and dirty clothes, I regretted opening my eyes at all. It was then that reality struck me, and it hurt more harshly than anything else. It hurt the worst…
"Are you okay, Hillary?" Max asked, his voice more clear to me than it had been before. I looked from his worried expression, over to Ray's anxious one. Tyson was looking at the floor, seeming sort of upset and Kenny had his head bent low. Tala was leaning at the wall, staring with a blank expression, though I did think I saw something else in his rigid pose. He didn't look as calm as he was trying to portray.
"Fine." I whispered unconsciously, before looking at Kai. He was sitting the closest to me, I noticed, and everyone but him was standing. His white scarf was covered with blood that was more apparent on it than on his other darker pieces of clothing. There had been blood on Tala's clothing as well, my blood; an unwanted reminder of yet another event I'd rather not have thought about.
But that wasn't why I had looked at Kai. I wanted to feel a little bit better so, just like every time, I turned to him. When I looked at him though, I assumed he'd give me this worried look and I'd be sure everything will be okay, but he surprised me. He just looked away. I didn't see his face to tell what he was feeling at all.
It was quiet, except for the slow beeping that had now increased in pace. It was embarrassing to let people know how fast your heart was beating with panic. I wish it'd stop. Or better yet, I wish they'd just go away and leave me to die on my own.
"What's going on, Hils?" Tyson looked up, anger showing clearly in his eyes. I blinked at him, surprised at his reaction. What was he talking about?
When I didn't reply, his eyes flashed with some more anger.
"What were you thinking?" He was almost yelling, and I cringed at how loud his voice suddenly sounded. I started panicking again suddenly, and this time, my hands started to sweat. But I didn't want to fight with anyone anymore, so I said nothing.
"Tyson." Ray whispered warningly, and I looked over at him to see that even he didn't mean for Tyson to stop. He was looking at him expectantly, almost as if he wanted Tyson to continue.
"What were you thinking?" Tyson repeated again, and this time I wanted to yell back at him. Couldn't he see I already had a headache?
"I wasn't." I whispered, speaking consciously for the first time.
He rolled his eyes. My head was starting to throb again. Why wasn't anyone stopping him?
"Nice move, there." He said sarcastically, and for the first time, I didn't have it in me to reply. It didn't help that I kind of agreed with him, myself. What had I been thinking getting myself into trouble like that, anyway?
"I didn't know." I finally whispered, trying to defend myself. Not from just him, but from me as well. "I didn't know. I was just…passing by."
No-one said anything. No-one replied to me and I noticed how disappointed everyone looked. No-one, not even Max and Ray were looking at me. They looked so let down, and upset and just frustrated….it was hurting my feelings, not that I think I didn't deserve it.
"I'm sorry." I tried one last time, but failed to make even one of them turn to look up at me. Why were they so disappointed, anyway? It wasn't as if it was my fault…I mean, I know I shouldn't have tried to eavesdrop, but I was just going back when he saw me, wasn't I? I was trying to get away, they shouldn't be disappointed in me like this…they couldn't. Besides, if it had been someone other than me, Drew probably wouldn't have done so much damage. What right did they have of criticizing me when they didn't even know the whole story?
Guilty...Well, it was my fault that I hadn't told them…
Slowly, when the silence got ghastly, I heard the door open and Max, Ray and Kenny walked away. I could only stare at them as they did so.
"I'm leaving," Tyson said, grabbing his vest off the chair, not looking up even once before turning completely around. "Nice job at turning the day around like that, Hillary."
Ouch…
The door shut behind Tyson with a soft click….
I tried to make sense of the situation but I never was good at that now, was I? Just like I was never good at being a friend to them, just like I never can stay out of trouble for once…just like I was the most stupid person alive…
Before I knew it, I was crying again. The sobs that started out as silent, accompanied with some salty tears, became more audible, and I hitched my breath in an attempt to stop them.
"Hillary," Even when Kai spoke, I couldn't hold myself. You'd think I'd try and not be such a baby around him…
"Calm down, okay?"
But it was so nice to hear his voice again…not just his voice, but his voice addressing me…Gosh, I'd missed it. I had missed it so much….
I sniffed again, trying to control my tears. For a while, I seemed to be succeeding, but then, I felt his hand around mine and I couldn't help but cry a little more. He was probably mad at me like everyone else was, I couldn't help thinking. He was probably more mad at me than anyone else. If anyone had the right to know, it was Kai.
"Don't," I said, pushing away my hands from him hesitantly and then raising them up to my face to wipe the tears away. "Please, don't."
I'd rather he help me because he wanted to instead of just out of sympathy. I didn't want that, especially not from him.
I snuffled, trying to think a little bit more clearly…but my head kept hurting and, then there was that awful pain in my shoulders, where they'd gotten cut….I couldn't help the tears. I just wanted to rest. Maybe I'd ask a nurse to sedate me or something.
I heard the door open, and then close but it was probably just Tala leaving, because through the corner of my eyes, I could see that Kai was still sitting in his place, his hand still outstretched, as it waiting for me to put mine over it…
"Why not?" He asked, his voice plain and emotionless and I just had to look up. Through my foggy vision, I saw him frown a little before moving his chair closer to the bed, nearer to me.
I wiped what I hopefully thought was the last of my tears till I could see him clearly. I couldn't read his subtle expression.
I drew in a deep breath, and let it out.
"I'm sorry, Kai." I whispered, looking away from his face, afraid of his reaction. "I'm so, very sorry."
He didn't reply, and for a second, I thought I'd tear up again. I clenched my jaw and pressed my fingers tightly against my cheeks in discomfort.
"It's not your fault." He finally said, his voice sincere.
I still didn't look up, and from the corner of my eyes, I saw him inch a little bit more closer. He sighed.
"Are you feeling alright?" He asked in a slow voice and the sudden change in the subject made me divert my eyes from my lap, to look up at him.
"I'm fine." I could tell that he knew I was lying, because he looked at me disbelievingly. His eyes searched mine, trying to discern the truth, but he never said anything to voice his thoughts.
"Does it hurt anywhere?" He asked again, and immediately, he looked over at my wounds. My shoulder had been bandaged where it had been cut, and I was glad he, or me, couldn't see the intensity of the wound...but then again, I realized he probably had.
"My head." I admitted and raised one hand up to the back of my head, which had been, like my shoulder, bandaged. I remembered hitting the wall quite a few times, and concluded that it was probably that wound.
Kai didn't look as calm as I felt about it though and I realized that he didn't have any idea about how the worst was over.
"It'll get better." Was all he said and it was only then that I noticed his lack of response. I raised my hand up to my face again, folding my fingers against my cheeks, nervous. He wasn't replying to anything like he used to, he was ignoring it instead. It bothered me a lot, no surprise.
I suddenly realized why.
"You can leave if you want to, Kai." I said, feeling angry at myself for unconsciously hoping that he wasn't feeling the same way the others were; disappointed and furious. "I'm not stopping you."
He heaved a sigh again before looking at my face….I was reminded of the time when he'd last done that, back at the plane, when all of it had started...well, the mess had started long before; I just thought I'd get away from it as soon as I got on that plane. It turned out that boarding that plane led me straight into the clutches of the source of my mess; Drew.
"Tell me, Hills," He spoke softly, as if I hadn't said anything. He raised his hand to pry mine off my face and held them beneath his, in a very comfortable gesture that, even though I felt the need to, I didn't protest against. "Do you want me to leave?"
It doesn't matter, I thought. But at the same time, my eyes darted across the room, towards the door. Was it really safe in here, in the dispensary, to which everyone had access to? I moved my gaze towards the floor beneath the door, to see if I saw someone standing outside; I didn't see anyone, but that never comforted me. Then, I looked over to the other side of the room, towards the window.
"This is the first floor, right?" I asked, a new worry overcoming me and I abruptly realized that the worst probably wasn't over yet.
"Yes," I heard Kai reply over the increased beeping again; he looked over to the machine. "What's wrong?"
I panicked, and searched the room for my clothes; I spotted them lying on the chair, on the other side of the bed. I reached over to pick them up.
"Hillary," Kai whispered in worry, but for the first time, I didn't care. I turned my clothes over in my hands. My white Tee was tainted with my dried-up blood all over, and torn at the back where the blade had slashed me. My jeans were okay, but there too, was blood tainting them; though it wasn't as apparent as it was on my light-colored shirt. I turned my jeans over, and touched the slight bump on the back pocket, assuring me comfort.
I sighed in relief and the beeping slowed down to normal. I took out the black blade, and put it under my pillow, careful so as to hide it from Kai. I didn't need to though, because even if he had seen the blade, and I'm sure he saw something, he wouldn't have said anything. I put the clothes beside me on the bed, and turned back to him.
He was looking at me expectantly, as if waiting for me to explain to him; I didn't. And he didn't question me either. It was getting uncomfortable. I didn't know what to say.
"You want me to leave, don't you?" Kai asked, his voice was blank but I thought I saw anger in his eyes. That offended me slightly.
"If you want to go so badly," I snapped, "then I'm not stopping you."
"Do you want me to go?" His repeated, his voice turned to a whisper and he leaned his face in a little bit. That caught me off guard, and not knowing what to say, I looked away. I knew the answer, it was a negative; No, Kai, I don't want you to leave. That was it. But that was just me, yearning for comfort.
"That hardly matters." I stated impassively, without looking at him. Once again, I realized that the blade was with me, and I wasn't sure if it was safe to keep it here; here on the ground floor with the open windows, here in the dispensary every participant could freely enter. He will come, I was sure of it, to pick up the thing I had taken from him. So, what I wanted was not that was the question here, I needed someone here with me. Either that, or I needed to know it was safe here alone.
"But it does," Kai's voice got more reflecting, and I noticed the slightly annoyed tone in it. "Why don't you just admit it, and save yourself some more trouble?"
A small aching and my heart skipped a beat, or two, or three; I couldn't remember.
"What are you trying to say?" I snapped angrily, and although I didn't want it to, but my voice rose, and kept on rising at every word. "That suddenly, I need you to keep me safe while I lie in bed like this?"
I ignored the irony of the sentence, but he didn't know that, now did he?
"You needed someone, while you walked back to the suite, didn't you?" His voice mounted over mine, and I cringed.
"I know you're angry at me," It was the first time I was this resentful towards him, and I resented him more for making me feel this way, "And I know I should've told you everything, right from the start. But I didn't, I couldn't, and I regret it every single day. I don't need you guys making me feel bad about it, okay? I don't need you reminding me that I'm so helpless, that I've always been so helpless about everything!"
I closed my eyes as the tears started to fall. I leaned back on the pillow and pulled the sheets over me, ignoring the pain as I put my weight on my shoulders. I felt so pathetic, crying over such a trivial thing. But I didn't want to face him right now. I was so disappointed; I had expected him to comfort me. I wanted him to make me feel better, but he just ended up making me feel so much bad. Could I really not count on anyone, anymore?
A feeling of helplessness overpowered me, and I pulled my knees upwards, burying my head into the pillow. What was I supposed to do, now? Everyone was so mad at me, they was being so inconsiderate; it hurt. I thought back over my actions, over every word I had said, and I understood how they felt. I was like a child, who was so helpless, she needed everyone else to solve her problems; who was so stubborn, that she wouldn't even state her problems, so that she may have a chance at solving them; she was so emotionally hopeless, that she didn't know what to do, cry or worry or smile…and she was so self-centered, she didn't realize sooner where she was doing wrong.
But it still hurt that the guys were just giving up on me. Wasn't that what they had done when they'd walked out without asking for an explanation about what had happened, instead of why it had?
Had I ever given up on them when they seemed to be going through their time?
"Hillary," I heard Kai whisper, it was soft, almost muted if it hadn't been so close. I sniffed, the sound being muffled by the pillow, and balanced my weight off my shoulders. They were still aching.
"Hillary," There was that soft little moan again, and I thought I heard a smile in his voice. It confused me.
I felt a tug, as Kai tried to take off the sheets from my head but I refused to let him. I removed my face from the pillow, turned it sideways and heard myself say,
"Go away." And I'd said it in the rudest way I'd ever used while talking to him.
"I'm sorry, okay?" He replied in a pleading tone, and I froze, suddenly angry. Why was he apologizing?
I heard a small sound as Kai dragged the chair against the marble floor, and then I felt his hand touch my back through the thin sheets covering it. I flinched.
"Will you look at me?" He asked, his voice reflecting a little amusement, and then a little tension.
This time, without even waiting for a reply, he pulled the covers off me. The moment was so sudden, I didn't have the chance to react, and suddenly, I found myself staring into his deep-purple eyes.
"That's better." He smiled, but in response, I just shrugged him off. His hand, which was on my waist, was now pushed off it so forcefully, it hurt me. But he didn't seem to care.
He raised his hand and brought it to my face. I thought about pushing him away again, he was being so persistent, but I found that it was so against my will. He wiped away the remnants of my tears…
"I'm not mad at you, Hils," He whispered, leaning his face closer to mine. My lips quivered at the lie, and I felt the tears come back again. I raised my hands up to my face again, pushing his away, before leaning back against the pillow, in a rather comfortable position than before.
He frowned.
"I'm not lying." He stated blankly again, but even then, I said nothing. If he wasn't lying, if he was, somehow, really not mad at me, then he wouldn't have yelled at me like that.
"I don't believe you." I whispered, my voice cracking in the same sentence, twice.
I expected him to argue, but it surprised me that he didn't. He just sat there, his hands pulled backwards, gripping the edge of the bed, his face tensed and contorted...somewhat confused.
"I'm sorry," He finally said and when I saw that the confusion in his expression was replaced by sorrow, I tensed.
"But it's not your fault." I repeated what he'd told me a while ago, but only this time, it true for him like it wrong for me. I didn't want him to be upset about anything again; angry, sure, that made sense, but not upset.
He shook his head.
"I shouldn't have..."He trailed off, looking confused again. "I should've been there when I knew..."
He trailed off again, waiting for me to react, apparently, to the words he thought I didn't know; but I knew them, and I didn't react. He didn't know that Drew had told me everything... right before the bastard slammed my head on the wall.
"I am angry," he continued in a whisper and it scared me that he felt this way, it scared me that he felt so much. "No, I'm outraged, Hillary."
He had positioned his chair so close that all I could see was him. And when he leaned in close, just now, and put his hands on my knees in this tender manner, I felt my heart melt.
"But it's not you." He said, "He hurt you, and I couldn't do anything till he did."
I tensed…Guilt….He was feeling guilty….
His hand went from my knee, up to my uninjured shoulder, to shake me slightly when he noticed my edginess.
"I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you, when I swore to myself that I will." He looked down at me, and I noticed how he wasn't meeting my gaze, "I'm sorry that I knew everything, and yet, failed to keep you safe."
Suddenly, I was crying again. I don't know what it was, confusion (he wasfeeling guilty?), remorse (I had yelled at him) or I was just touched by his words; but there they were. A few tears gushed miserably down my cheeks, wetting the sheets where they fell. But I was glad that was it, only a few tears and not an uncontrollable gush of emotions.
"It's not your fault," Was all I could say to him once more, as I hid my face in my hands again. He wasn't mad at me...? It was hard to admit but I knew, what with that expression of his, that it must be true. And I felt so guilty again for yelling at him; it must've made him feel awful…When will I ever get anything right?
"It is," He denied, and leaned back towards me again, and suddenly, I felt a little better. It was so pathetic, this weakness I had for him, but it was there and I decided to take its full advantage.
"Then I forgive you, Kai." His name slipped off my lips effortlessly and I found myself moving towards him. Suddenly, my feet were pressed against the cold marble floor as I turned completely towards Kai. Suddenly, I was in his arms, my head was buried in his chest and my arms were around his neck, pulling him closer to me. Suddenly, I felt loads better…
"Thanks," He smirked, probably at my hasty reaction, "But I'll bother you again about this; I don't think you're fully conscious, yet."
I chuckled through my tears, surprised at how effortless it was to do so.
"What makes you say that?" I mumbled, not really caring what he said, as long as I got to hear his voice, his sarcastic comments.
"You're tired." He stated; not a question, just a statement. I noticed the seriousness of his voice and raised my head to look at him.
He was looking at me straight in the eye, inquisitive and curious. I realized why, just in time and stopped him before he asked anything.
"Not now, Kai." I pushed my face into his neck again, wanting actually, to hide it from him as a few tears fell down my face at the memory of what had happened just a few hours ago. "Please don't remind me."
He said nothing in response and I realized that it was because he had decided not to push it; I was relieved.
But I still dreaded what was about to come. Trying not to think about what had happened, forced my attention on the very same thing. I pursed my lips.
"What is it?" He noticed me go rigid against him, and tried to pull away but I didn't let him. Two reasons; I didn't want him to see my expression because he'll freak out. The second reason was that right now, I needed the comfort I'd gotten addicted to.
"Nothing." I muttered. My voice was quiet and almost blank, but it made him react as if I had said something terribly expressive. He pulled away, ignoring me as I gripped his bloody clothes in protest. He grabbed my fingers and pulled my hands downwards; it wasn't a forceful action, but I still didn't like what he did.
"What?" I asked, when he started searching my face for something again. It made me uncomfortable when he did that, and I made a mental note to point that out to him some time again; he seemed to have forgotten the time I'd first told him that. That night when I came from the rain and we talked in my room seemed so long ago. So much had changed...
"You're scared," He stated, and I was stunned at the accuracy of his answer. I composed myself; was I really that readable?
"Aren't you?" He asked again, and I made an attempt to be vague.
"Maybe." If I told him, it would only worry him; the last thing I needed was the guilt of that happening.
"What is it?" He asked again, and it bothered me that I had to lie to him like this.
Then tell him, I told myself. I wanted to, I needed to, but should I?
He averted his stare from my face, and looked down at my lap, where he had placed my hands, under his firm hold. I saw him purse his lips and, for one crazy second, I thought I saw that calculating look in his eyes….as if he was seeing something that shouldn't have been there. I watched as his contemplating expression turned to a suspicious one, then to something unexpected; anger.
"What did he do to you?" He suddenly asked, his voice rising with every word, and he gripped my fingers in a tight hold. He pulled up my sleeves to reveal large, purple finger-marks blotched on my skin. I blinked at them.
"It's," I shook his hold off my fingers, "just a bruise. He's done worse than this."
I regretted saying that as soon as I had, because Kai, who had looked angry once, was now looking furious. His hands had curled up into fists and he clenched his jaw.
"What happened to your head?" His anger scared me; I was afraid that if I say the wrong thing, he'd make a wrong move and in my current position, I wouldn't be able to stop him.
So I answered him truthfully.
"Hit the wall." I felt ashamed, like it was suddenly all my fault.
"Your shoulder?" He asked in the same blank tone, though his eyes reflected every emotion clearly. I breathed in.
"Cut by a beyblade."
"And he's done worse?"
I didn't know what to say. I just looked at him, feeling confused.
"I want you to tell me everything." He clenched his teeth, "Every single thing. And don't lie to me now."
"I want to tell you everything," I stated, looking down at his lips, then his blood-tainted clothes; avoiding his eyes.
"Then speak." I cringed at the harshness in his voice, and started to feel angry.
"You're making it hard for me, Kai." I said in a calm voice, despite my growing annoyance.
He squinted a little, and stared back at me without a change in his expression. I didn't changed mine either and, after a while, he relaxed. He closed his eyes, leaning away from me and drew in a deep breath; I just watched him, curious as to what he was doing, disappointed that he was doing it, and confused if I should say something or not.
"I'll tell you everything, Kai." I tried again and he opened one eye to look at me. "But I don't get why you have to be so emotional about it."
He opened his other eye, and I saw that he looked offended but he wasn't saying anything; which made me more curious as to what he was thinking. He leaned in forward, his expression going soft and while I stared at him at the sudden change in his emotions, he raised one hand up to my face again.
"Is this why you're afraid?" He motioned towards my bruised wrist. The question caught me off guard and I was silent. He judged my silence again; taking it for a 'yes', it seemed, because the next thing I knew, his hands were tracing my cheeks as he moved more close to me. It seemed like an act of comfort, and it really was working, apparently.
He closed his eyes.
"He won't," His whisper, along with his fingers as they trailed random patterns on my skin, ran shivers down my spine; he was so close. "I won't let him hurt you again."
I sighed, feeling relieved, because I knew he wouldn't; he wouldn't let Drew get to me. Slowly and hesitantly, I pushed myself back into him, pressing my face to the skin of his neck; it was warm and I realized how much I missed him. Overcome by emotion, I felt my arm go around his neck, while the other –the injured one – lay on his chest. I sniffed; the metallic, muddy smell of blood on his clothes prevented me from smelling the lilac one I longed for, but I was satisfied with the way it was being covered up. Kai wasn't holding back. He was tugging me closer to him, as if he, too, craved for consolation; as if he, too, was longing for absolution. It confused me, for a while, but no matter the intention, I was pleased with how he was reacting.
"Okay," I finished, looking down at the floor. I felt his free hand move towards my waist, while the other one continued tracing my cheeks, and then my lips; he put one finger under my chin and made me look up at him, from where I was staring down. He smiled, and I froze where I was.
"And that's a promise I plan on keeping this time." He searched my eyes for something again; I don't know what he saw in there, but it was what made him lean a little bit more close, till our foreheads touched. His breath mingled with mine, and that was enough to make me feel dizzy. I could barely take the emotions as his hand moved from my waist, and from there; upwards, to lock itself in my tangled hair. He was careful with his hold this time, not wanting to hurt me anymore than I already was, but even if he wasn't, I barely would've felt the pain over this happiness.
I smiled, only so that my lips curled a little upwards, and closed my eyes. I didn't know what he was feeling exactly, but from my hand on his chest, I could tell that his heart was beating as quickly as mine was, and for the small, wonderful second that our lips touched, I felt him relax against me.
I did nothing other than marvel over that little touch, and it was disappointing that he pulled away just as quickly as he had made the move. I opened my eyes to see him staring down at me, pleased.
"I've wanted to do this ever since I saw you," He breathed in my ear, and closed his eyes, leaning his forehead back against mine. I smiled, closing my eyes as well. For that moment, I forgot all my worries again. I felt that refreshing feeling again whenever he was close; the after-affect of a good, warm bath. I felt calm, content that I was in the most secure of all places; with him.
Slowly, I felt my eye lids get heavy; slowly, I felt consciousness loose hold of me. The last thing I remembered was feeling Kai's skin against mine, his hand tracing my back, his breath in my hair, before I felt myself drift into what seemed like a very peaceful slumber, for the very first time in ages…
author's note:
Special thanks to kai-hil-lover (who made Kai say my user name in her story..HA) for beta-reading this crap and actually saying it was WORTH putting up...I can't believe you're excited about this KHL...sigh