A/N: Hey guys. I'm very sorry for the delay in posting. Sadly I have been having a lot going on personally lately and my motivation for writing is sadly boarding on nonexistent. At least at the moment. Fingers crossed it will pass.

Thank you as always for all the great reviews, please keep them coming as I am sure they keep me going a lot these days.

And my love and thanks to my best friend SSC, who herself has lots to contend with and yet she still finds the time to beta my rambling, lol. I can't wait for October hun, I hope you ready to party!

S0, I guess we better find out how our poor sick little Sara is doing…Where did I put the hat? Hmmmmmmmm…..

Chapter 88

Gil,

There is so much I want to say to you. So much that I wish for you to know but I fear that mere words are woefully inadequate to convey the emotion that fills my heart at this moment. And yet, words are all I have, and I fear that they will not serve my heart, nor you, any justice.

If you should carry any benevolence away from these last several weeks, let that be my undying love for you.

I almost weep at that one word…love…for love is patient, kind, honest and selfless, and I, unlike you, possess no such traits. I recall that one night, our first night together, directly after the Miller's dance when you told me you were not worthy of me. How wrong you were then. It pained my heart that you could even entertain such a laughable notion. No, my love, it was me who was never deserving of you. Having one such as you love me in return is a gift that I only now see the full beauty of.

Please know that I love you, please know that even though I am guilty of so much that my love was, and still is, genuine and wholly given.

From my very earliest of memories, I recall your face and how my parents would laugh that I loved you so much even as an infant. I suppose that I must have loved you from my very first breath…a breath that I now wish I had never ever taken.

Know that my heart will always be yours and when my last breath escapes my lips and my heart beats it's last, they will echo your name.

I am truly sorry for all the terrible things that I have done against you. I have hurt so many people by my conduct that there can be no forgiveness for one such as myself. And as much as I pain for my parent's heartache, it is my sins against you that hurt me the most.

You are, without any doubt, the kindest and most deserving of men. I wish for you all the health, happiness, wealth and love in the world and if the world gave you all it had, it could never equal what you deserve.

I hope my memory fades completely from your consciousness for my memory can only serve to remind you of the numerous insults you have suffered these past weeks.

I know you will find love; I want you to find love. It would be insufferable for someone as wonderful as you not to love and have beautiful children that look and act just like you. And the woman who is lucky enough to have you, I can almost picture her: worthy, pure, kind, considerate and unbelievably beautiful. I wish I might have been her.

I wish for you to have Pandora, though I shudder at the thought of you possessing anything that might remind you of me. Please do not hold that against her. She loves your Dante and is deserving of a happy future. She is a beautiful, magnificent animal and will prove herself worthy tenfold if given the chance.

Again, I'm sorry for every moment of unhappiness I have caused you.

Goodbye,

Sara

By the time Grissom read Sara's final words, his mouth hung open, his brow deeply furrowed, his throat was dry and his mind was a contortion of sadness and fury. Sara really did believe that he had left her. The letter that clung tightly in his hand confirmed that and after everything that had happened to her, that one detail simply tipped her over the edge and she was willing to give up…completely.

He closed his eyes and swallowed the heavy, painful lump in his throat. If she had not fallen in the mud…she would surely be dead now. If Dante had not alerted him to the fact that she had fallen, he would be finding her about now...dead. That was obviously her intention and even though he had thought it the night before, there was a little piece of him that just couldn't believe it…that she would have…that she…He shook his head, it was unbearable to think about.

His mind envisioned Sara, the afternoon he had first returned to the Grove, sitting on Pandora, the sun shining on her hair. She looked so beautiful, he remembered… So much so that it was hard to tear his eyes from her. Her face, so fresh, so untroubled, so smooth and perfect. It didn't seem likely that the woman in his memory and the woman now in his bed could be the same.

The pain she must have suffered…still be suffering…both mental and physical. He felt sick to the very pit of his stomach.

Sucking in a deep breath, he placed the letter back into the box with the money and slipped it back into his pocket. What had happened had happened but he had Sara now…she was his. No one was ever going to change that and he would fight till his last dying breath to keep her if he had to. Her father had a lot to answer for though, that Grissom knew and their time would most certainly come.

But now…for now…he couldn't think about the past, he had to get Sara better and make her realize just how much loves her. That was going to be the true test. Keeping Sara conscious of his feelings may be the only way she will fight her illness. Knowing she has a future…knowing they have a future together.

A disgruntled sigh seeped through his lips as he entered the stable and he saw Hodges standing by Dante's stall, looking up at the wooden beamed ceiling.

"Any damage?" Grissom asked drawing close to his aid giving Pandora's stall a quick glance first and he was happy to see she was standing and munching on some hay.

Hodges looked down to his boss. "Surprisingly, not really. The door is a little sprained which is easy to sort but that's about it, other than some minimal damage to the fence on the west side of the property. You were lucky."

"Yeah…" Grissom ran a hand through his hair, "…I think the wind got the door a bit last night…thankfully…"

"Thankfully?" Hodges questioned.

Grissom shook his head, "Never mind." He kept his thoughts to himself and the fact that if the wind hadn't been so strong then Sara would have been able to close the stable door properly and would have probably disappeared from his life forever.

Dante popped his head over his stall door, snorted and kinked his head to look next door to Pandora's stall.

With a smile Grissom raised his hand to Dante's head and gently stroked between his ears. "I'll check on her now, boy," he said. "But she looks okay." He paused for a second, still scratching Dante's ears. "And for last night...thank you."

Dante snorted happily.

"I'll go check on the Barn," Hodges said. "Then I'll have to go into town to get a few bits. The fence is definitely damaged so I'll need to get some timber and get those sorted before we can let the horses out to exercise."

Grissom thought for a moment. "I need a few things; can you get them for me?" If Hodges was going into town then he could get the supplies he needed then he wouldn't have to risk being too far away from Sara.

"Sure," the worker responded. "What do you need?"

The rancher pointed to Pandora. "Let me tend to her then I'll do up a list and come find you."

Hodges nodded. "Okay, I'll be up at the barn."

"Thanks, David." Grissom smiled his thanks and the younger man was away with a smile of his own.

"Right, girl…" Grissom unlatched Pandora's stall and looked her over, "…let's get you cleaned up shall we?"

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It didn't take long for Grissom to patch up Pandora. The horse was more fatigued than anything and it would take her several days to get her strength back. She had a few sores on her feet which the rancher tenderly cleaned and medicated as Dante looked on and her back had a little grazing from all the riding. But, Grissom was content that she would make a full recovery as long as she rested. He gave her, along with the other horses, fresh food and water, wrote his list for Hodges and then returned to the cabin to check on Sara.

He quietly entered the dwelling to find Sara was still asleep. Her wheezing was deep and harsh and her body struggled with each inhalation of breath, he could easily see that. But at least she was sleeping. What worried Grissom though was how she would be when she woke.

Rubbing his tired eyes he moved to the dresser in the corner and grabbed a towel. He had time to wash before Hodges returned and then he should think about preparing some breakfast. Even if he couldn't manage to get Sara to eat he knew he had to. He had to keep his strength up for it was quickly waning.

Moving back outside, he entered the small wash shed and pumped some water before stripping off his shirt. His body shivered as soon as the cool air came into contact with his skin. The weather was definitely changing and as each day passed it got colder and colder. He predicted an early winter.

Normally, Grissom went through the seasons rather task-oriented. Summers were for gardening and harvesting hay, winters for chopping wood and resting by the fire. The holidays were just ordinary days, not remarkable, at least to him. They were no different from any other day on the calendar.

He smiled and glanced at his reflection. For the first time, in a very long time, he found himself anticipating the coming winter. Once Sara was well, they could enjoy an October hayride, Thanksgiving dinner with Taylor's family, the various Christmas parties around town. He would spend those dark cold evenings reading with her, cuddling by the fire, or well… other things that tended to warm people up on cold nights.

As Grissom washed his face he tried to make a mental list of what he needed to do. Care for Sara, obviously. Change and wash her, ensure she remained calm, comfortable and warm, then the other tasks; food, helping Hodges but hopefully if Michael managed to get away from Taylor's then that would be a huge weight off his shoulders. He also had to chop wood for the fire especially given the current temperature. He couldn't afford to let Sara get cold. He sighed into the towel as he dried his face and just hoped his body could cope and keep up.

Looking into the small mirror above the pump his eyes narrowed as he glanced over his injuries. The top of his nose was bruised as was underneath both his eyes. He cursed at the captain for that one. The marks on his throat were changing to a deep purple and although his throat was still sore the strain on his voice was now bare minimal. His abdomen was bruised…again, as were his hands. He rolled his eyes and wondered if he would ever get through a month without gaining some sort of injury.

But, he smiled to himself again; the current crises that led him back to the Grove were over. McKeen would most likely hang; Hank was dead. The captain now held his lands securely. And Grissom was back in Alexandria with Sara. There were few things that would result in physical injury now, unless the captain decided to come for Sara and Grissom fully expected he would.

And Grissom would be ready when he did.

Shrugging his shoulders, he put his shirt back on and tried to think that it was all now inconsequential. The past was over and it was time to look to the future…that's all that mattered. Bruises would disappear…wounds would heal…

He bit down on his lip. The scars and the memories…now they would be the challenge…for everyone…

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It was a little before midday when Hodges returned and Grissom was happy to see Michael was with him. Thankfully the damage at Taylor's had too been minimal so Michael had been able to get away while Taylor's other workers did what needed to be done.

Grissom had taken his numerous bags of supplies from Hodges but managed a smile when Hodges asked him a certain question about one of his items.

"Why is it you need small long johns?" the worker asked. "They won't fit you."

The rancher managed to keep a straight face for a moment before smiling. "I didn't think you would feel too comfortable purchasing female under garments, David," he responded. "They are not for me."

"Ah…" Hodges blushed, clearing his throat. "Well, I need to get on." The younger man scuttled away before he managed to embarrass himself even more. Michael then stepped forward.

"David told me Sara had come here, in the storm. Did she really do that?" he asked.

Grissom's smile faded and he nodded. "Yeah," he sighed. "She really did."

"And she's sick?" Michael continued although his question was more of a statement.

Again Grissom nodded. "Very," he replied somberly.

"Anything I can do?"

"No." The rancher shook his head now. "Not right now, thank you."

Michael gave a smile of understanding. "Okay, just let me know if there is. I have my issues with Captain Sidle but Sara was always fair to me, treated me with respect." That said, Michael went off in search of Hodges to help with the repairs.

Now Grissom stood in the kitchen, unpacking the supplies; brandy, bourbon and honey, all what he needed for some concoctions for Sara. Then there was bread, cheese, ham, eggs, milk, coffee, potatoes and vegetables. He hoped to make a broth; Sara really needed hot, wholesome food. Her being able to take it in and keep it down would be the issue.

Suddenly he heard a moan and Sara stirring so he was quick to drop what he was doing and rush to the bedside. By the time he reached the bed Sara was already coughing, lying on her side. Her eyes were tightly closed, her chest heaving and falling with effort.

Gently, he slipped his arms around her waist and lifted her up to him. "I'm here," he whispered. "I've got you…"

She continued coughing for several minutes before her pain finally ceased and Grissom laid her back against the pillows. She didn't say anything and she didn't move except for her facial features contorting in various expressions of discomfort.

It seemed she was too exhausted to even move.

Grissom waited patiently for some form of communication from her, sitting silently by her side. He didn't want to startle her or force anything upon her as he had no idea her current state of mind. Eventually her eyes opened and she looked at him. He hoped for some recognition in those eyes but they onlylooked at him, blankly, her head lolling to the right.

He swallowed the growing lump in his throat and studied her eyes. How he longed to see that sparkle he had seen mere months ago but no, all he saw was pain, uncertainty and fear.

Gripping the bed sheet and pulling it up over her waist to ensure she remained warm he moved from the bed and back to the kitchen. His eyes closed when her coughing started again, then subdued, started, stopped and continued in this way over and over. He took a glass and mixed brandy with honey, cold water and sugar before moving to the fire place to add a little hot water which was still boiling. He made a mental note to refill the kettle as it was almost empty and the wood in the fire would soon too need replenishing.

Taking the glass, he sat back on the bed and scooted close to her. "Sara…" he said softly, "…Sara, I need you to try and drink, okay? Do you think you can try?"

No words of a reply came and she continued to just stare at him.

"Honey…" He raised a careful hand and placed it on her left cheek. He half expected her to flinch but she didn't, "…can you hear me?"

Her eyes flickered, her lids closed and opened very slowly but again, no response came.

Grissom sighed and removed his hand from her face but only to slip it into one of hers. Her hands were hot and clammy but he would deal with that shortly. "Sara…just squeeze my hand if you can hear, as soft as you like. I can't force you to drink…you have to help me. But you must try…please…"

Her expression didn't change and Grissom's heart cried that he was fighting a losing battle but as he was about to give up he felt a gentle pressure upon his hand. It was ever so slight, ever so tender but it was there and he smiled as his eyes fell to Sara's delicate and injured fingers as they held frailly onto his.

He moved closer now, releasing her hand and slipping his arm behind her back in order to tilt her forwards, just a touch and to support her. The heat radiating from her body was immense and her clothing was soaked with perspiration.

Slowly, he lifted the glass to her now sore lips and carefully poured a little of the concoction into her mouth. Her eyes closed as she swallowed and Grissom willed for her not to cough and bring back up the well needed liquid.

A light breath of relief slipped though Grissom's lips as the first mouthful went down without issue even though a little of the liquor spilled from the corner of her mouth to slide down her chin. "Well done, Sara," he commended. "Now let's try another sip."

Again, he placed the glass to her lips but as the second shot of liquid slipped down her throat a sharp cough erupted and she spat the drink up, all over herself and over Grissom's shirt. A painful gasp escaped her lips as she coughed and choked, spluttering over and over.

Grissom was quick to put the glass down and take her into his arms. "Okay, no more for now," he said although he had hoped she would have drunk more. But at least a little was better than none at all. Maybe he should try a little honey then the liquid afterwards. "You did very well," he whispered, continuing to soothe her as she coughed.

Pulling back he looked into her glazed eyes. He ran a tender hand through her now damp hair caused by the sweat from her fever. Droplets of perspiration formed on her forehead and trickled down her cheeks. After moving her back to rest upon the pillows he walked back into the kitchen, grabbed his small jar of honey and a spoon and hurried back to the bed.

He opened the jar and coated the spoon with the bittersweet substance before leaning towards Sara and holding out the spoon. Being careful not to startle her he placed a hand under her chin and slowly brought the spoon to her mouth. He waited for a moment in hope so may be able to take the offering herself but alas she made no attempt to eat the honey so he smeared some over her bottom lip. "Come on." Grissom offered her a sweet smile. "I know you like honey, Sara. It tastes good, I promise. Just give it a try. Here look." He placed the spoon in his mouth and licked away what honey was left on the spoon.

For the first time Sara's face actually contorted an expression that wasn't one of pain. She frowned. Only ever so slightly, but Grissom spotted it. "Come on…" he whispered to himself, willing her to lick her lips.

And she did…and Grissom's smile blossomed.

"Taste good?" he asked.

She licked her lips again so he took that as a yes.

"More?" He dipped the spoon back into the jar, coated it and then held it in front of her.

Now she opened her mouth and the right side of his mouth curled a grin. "Nice and easy," he said as he placed the spoon in her mouth and allowed the honey to glide onto her tongue.

Her eyes closed as did her mouth when he removed the spoon and he watched as her jaw moved, just ever so slightly then she swallowed.

"Any more?"

After opening her eyes, Sara leaned her head back and rested against the headboard so he took that as a no and placed the lid back onto the jar. An inkling of relief washed through him though, at least he was managing to get some form of nutrition into her body. Not the greatest but for now it would have to do until her cough relinquished enough that she could manage proper fluids.

However, he decided to try the liquor one more time and picked it up. She would need something to wash the honey down. "Sara…try and drink for me…just one more time," he said softly as he held up the glass. She didn't move so he leaned forward and placed the glass to her lips. No rejection came from her so he tilted the glass and the liquid slowly drizzled into her mouth. He smiled as she swallowed the offering without irritation and managed two more gulps before she coughed.

Grissom took that as being enough. "Sara…" He set the glass down next to the honey and looked back at her, "… I need to cool you down. Wash you; change your clothes so you are more comfortable. Will you let me do that?"

Again, that blank expression suddenly crossed her face and Grissom feared he may be losing her again. But, slowly, ever so slowly, her arm moved, her hand took his and she squeezed.

He smiled again. She remembered him…she trusted him…

At least for now…

A/N: Ah I foresee an interesting chapter if the Cap decides to show his face, hehehehe. Poor Sara, she isn't well at all is she? I just had a weird thought of her getting very drunk, oh no that's me. Silly me, lol. Has she got enough fight in her? I guess we will have to see…

Review please :)