Chapter 4
"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Damn it!" Leon cried as he lost for the fifteenth time in a row. "How do you do that Maizono?"
"I told you, I'm a-" Maizono's response was cut off by a loud 'BANG!' and Monokuma appeared, with two semi-conscious bodies in tow.
"ding dong bing bong! I'm back! And look who I have with me! Man, you should have seen it! Tragic backstories, serial killers, cross-dressing, tampering with the crime scene; we had it all! But back to business. Maizono, Ikusaba, since you guessed correctly, you don't have to read chapter four! But our loser, Leon, gets to read it with Fujisaki and Owada! Let's make this reading the best reading it can be!"
"Wait. What!?" Leon yelled, facing the girls. "How did you manage to guess that right?"
"I'm an esper." Maizono answered. "Just kidding. It was a gut feeling."
"I have my ways." Ikusaba whispered. The two girls went down the trapdoor that appeared when Monokuma left. Leon tried to follow them, but the door slammed shut and locked itself.
"Shit." Leon went over and woke up Fujisaki and Owada.
"Bro… Wait, what the hell! The fuck is this? Leon? You're supposed to be dead!" Owada then proceeded to shout a long string of 'sentence enhancers'.
"I d-don't understand. W-what's hap-pening?" Fujisaki muttered nervously.
Leon tried to calm the two down and explain the situation. "Calm down. Yeah, I'm dead, and so is everyone here. Monokuma somehow trapped us here and is making us read shit."
"H-how is that meta-metaphysically possible?" Fujisaki asked.
"Just ignore that problem, just like I'm ignoring the fact Monokuma said 'cross-dressing' and I saw up your skirt." Leon replied, trying to erase certain mental images.
Owada interrupted that train of thought with, "Didn't you say we had to read some shit? Let's just do that, then we can talk about… stuff."
*'**"***"**'*
AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY
Owada: The fuck? Did this person just spell their name wrong?
Leon: Just warning you, this is the first of many things wrong with this story.
Fujisaki: And you said Monokuma made us read this? Wouldn't it make more sense if he was the one who wrote it?
nut mary su OK!
*one internet search later* Fujisaki: *ahem* In fan fiction, a Mary Sue is an idealized character often but not necessarily an author insert.
Leon: So Enoby in a nutshell then.
Fujisaki: Are you going to call her that from now on?
Leon: She said it, not me. And in caps, no less.
DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her
Owada: Draco? That asshole from Harry Potter? And he loves her?!
Fujisaki: You know about Harry Potter?
Owada: No, it's just… my bro told me about it one time…
dat he is acting defrent!
Fujisaki: What does she mean, 'Draco is acting different'?
Leon: I'm no expert, but Enoby's destroying his character.
Fujisaki: WHAT?!
Leon: Whoa, Don't get your frills in a fuss.
dey nu eechodder b4 ok!
Leon: She can't just add that as an afterthought!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Owada: What the hell is that 666?
"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"
Fujisaki: Yeah, what he is doing?
Leon: Last chapter he drove her into the Forbidden Forest.
Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.
Fujisaki: Draco doesn't have a flying car! In fact, he would hate owning such a thing!
Leon: That's what Maizono said last time.
"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.
"Ebony?" he asked.
"What?" I snapped.
Leon: He called her by the wrong name, that's why she's mad.
Fujisaki: They're in the Forbidden Forest, why hasn't something tried to eat them or shoot them with arrows yet?
Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.
Fujisaki: That's completely wrong! Draco isn't evil or depressed! Fine, he's depressed for the majority of the- that's not the point! This is wrong! And why would evilness make you not mad?! I'm getting mad just reading this…
Owada: What the fucking hell?! Red eyes?! How is that attractive?
Fujisaki: That's kind of surprising, coming from you.
Owada: What does that mean?
Fujisaki: I mean… Ishimaru… and the sauna…
Leon: You two are getting way too worked up over this. And what about a sauna?
Owada: Forget about it. Forget or I'll cave your face in!
And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately.
Leon: It's the first date, she was acting like a bitch, and now they're making out?!
Fujisaki: Grammatically incorrect making out.
Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree.
Leon: I'm feeling sorry for the tree at this point.
He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra.
Leon: I do not like where this is going…
Fujisaki: Me neither. Owada, you've been quiet lately is something wrong?
Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.
Leon & Owada: WHAT THE EVER-LOVING FUCK?!
Fujisaki: Did they just…
Leon: um…. Yep.
"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm.
Owada: Holy mother of…
Leon: I just have one word. Ew.
Fujisaki: …
We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"
Leon: Yes! What are they doing?!
Owada: I like this dude already.
It was…
Leon: Enough with the god-damn dots! You just lost your virginity!
Fujisaki: What does that have to do with periods?
Leon: … *trying hard not to laugh*
….Dumbledore!
Fujisaki: Dumbledore doesn't curse! You're completely messing everything up! Ebony… you… you… good-for-nothing-wannabe-author that can't use spellcheck!
Leon: At least it's over for now.
Owada: You weren't kidding. This is a literal piece of shit. Did a person actually write this?
Monokuma: Upupu! Wouldn't you like to know!
Owada: Come here, you little fucker! I'm going to kill you for this!
Monokuma: Not going to happen!
*'**"***"**'*
Monokuma then flipped perspectives, confusing the three students temporarily by the sudden break of the fourth wall by the narrator.
"Man, things got hot and steamy fast didn't they?" Monokuma asked, and continued without waiting for a reply. "So the deal with the next chapter is since there are five of you guys here now… nah, I'm not going to tell you!" Monokuma disappeared in his usual fashion, and Maizono and Ikusaba emerged from the trapdoor.
"What happened?" Maizono asked.
"Something really fucked up." Owada answered.
Ikusaba was skeptical. "It couldn't have been that bad."
Leon corrected her. "People were literally getting fucked up."
"I don't want to know, do I?" Ikusaba replied.
"No, you don't." Fujisaki answered, quiet from his earlier outburst.