Author's note: A few of you didn't remember the lasagna reference. When Morton hit her for the first time her mother continued eating like nothing had happened. In her session with Dr. Fischer, she said, "I still to this day can't eat lasagna." It's a trigger to a painful memory.
APOV
This is the earliest we've ever gone to bed and certainly the earliest I've ever known Christian to fall asleep. The combination of having that vile creature sitting at a table with me and his family has emotionally drained him. I could feel his confusion on the ride home and when we spoke. He wants to rid himself of her and he wants to let his parents know what their 'friend' is really like but he is the classic victim. He's made her sins his own and has adopted the shame of abuse as his to carry.
It's a painful thing to watch when the man you love, a man who controls a literal empire and has total control in all facets of his life, is brought to a trembling mess with the mere presence of one person. He fought internally all night to keep his anger in check and to keep his emotions from ruining dinner but it was only after we'd begun to make love that he was able to focus and fight back the demons that battle for space in his mind.
His weight is comforting to me, the hot breath of his slumber against my neck a welcomed reminder of his satisfaction. He's put his mind to rest for the night but mine is running wild. Seeing her and what she represents has made me think.
I let him spank me. Hit me. Bend me over his knee and smack me until I was red and sore and then I let him fuck me. And I loved it. What does that mean?
Fear surges upwards and I strangle a sob. I've let a man hit me, after all of the work I've done, all of the therapy and self defence I've endured and not only did I let it happen, I asked for it. Actually wanted to be spanked. What does this mean? How is this ok? How do the two reconcile against each other?
I enjoyed it last night. It had been easy to compartmentalize it at the time. This was my boyfriend, a man who loved me and respected me and this was just one more thing in our arsenal of turn-ons that we could share. At first I was unsure but after a few times, it turned me on. I can't deny it and I won't. And that's my biggest issue.
I can see now that spanking can be done safely, sanely and sensually. What I can't understand is why someone like me, who has struggled with issues of physical abuse for years, wants to partake in it?
It had been easy last night to roll over and go to sleep and while I felt marginally embarrassed this morning when he bent me over in the shower and pressed his hands on the red marks as he thrust into me, I also felt empowered and turned on again. I like being marked by him.
But then I sat across a dinner table from the woman who introduced him to it. Pedophile. Molester. Threat. Suddenly the intimate encounter between two people who loved each other had a third party. It was almost as if she had wiggled her way into our bedroom. It was, after all, her influence.
He stirs then and rolls to his side, taking me with him so that we're still connected. My hair is all over his face and he blows it away, one eye opening.
"I have work to do in the office." he mumbles sleepily. If he leaves I'll have a panic attack, I know it.
"No, stay with me. Hold me." He closes his eye and gives me a crooked smile, tightening his arms around me.
"Alright." His breathing slows down as he falls back to sleep and only when I'm sure he's out do I move from above him to get dressed.
He's moved my toiletries into his bathroom, clearing out a section of his cabinet for my face cream and my toothbrush. It warms me and I turn to watch him sleep through the open door. I shouldn't, but I want him to wake and make love to me again, force out the thoughts of inadequacy and the question of my worth.
Worth. I run to my purse and take out a business card of mine. Christian has an early morning breakfast meeting and I'll be at my own office for the day. I won't see him until late at night so I need to do his note now. On the back of the card I write, apply a red lipstick to my mouth and kiss the words.
'You are worthy'
He keeps his briefcase in his office so I go there and find it in its place on the table near his desk. Shit, it's a combo lock. I try his birthday and then 1234 but neither works. My birthday is 0910 so I try that but again, the combo stays locked. 0513, the day we met. It's a longshot but I try it and the lid clicks open. My heart swells and I quickly tape the card inside knowing that he'll find it as soon as he opens it.
It's strange to walk through these rooms alone while he's sleeping. I feel no sense of ownership to this place, if anything I'm reminded that there have been 15 women here before me and I look at the couch and wonder how many times he's fucked someone on it. The thought depresses me but I can't stop my mind no matter how hard I try. I need to talk to someone who's been in previous relationships. Is this jealousy, is this constant comparing that I'm doing to myself normal?
Finding my phone I shoot a quick text to Missy and tell her I'll be in a little late tomorrow. I'm excited to see Sawyer again, I've spoken to him only briefly but I get regular updates from Heather on his recovery. I wander to the kitchen and run through the list of food Gail is buying for our dinner party on Thursday rolling my eyes at where my life is right now compared to where it was only a few weeks ago.
I'm basically living with a billionaire in a high rise in the sky getting spanked. And liking it. I like it. I say it out loud.
"I liked getting spanked and then fucked. It does not make me a freak or a masochist, it makes me feel good." Well, that feels better.
Christian is sleeping soundly when I crawl back under the blankets and snuggle up to him. My arm drapes over his chest, my leg over his much like he does to me. One of his arms snakes behind me and rests on my shoulders as his mouth kisses the top of my head and he mumbles, "I love you, baby."
"Sawyer!" I walk quickly to him and extend my arms to hug him. "I'm so glad you're back and you're ok. I'm so sorry for what happened." He hugs me back quickly and pats my arm affectionately.
"I did my job, Ms. Steele and it all turned out alright, I'd have never met Heather if this hadn't happened." He rolls his shoulders and smiles. "Silver lining, right? Shall we?" He motions towards the elevator and we go down to the car.
"He's still out there you know." His lips press together, his nod curt.
"I know. We'll find him though. If you had any idea how many men and how much money Mr. Grey has into finding Hyde, you'd be shocked. He'll get smoked out eventually."
Once in the car, my car finally, I instruct him to go to the post office and ask him if he's afraid of Hyde. I'd be if I was the one that had been cut but Sawyer just laughs and parks.
"No, he's the worst kind of coward. I'd welcome seeing him again. I'll be right out, you need to remain in the car with the doors locked."
I roll my eyes, now the post office is a dangerous place? A few minutes later Sawyer comes out with a bin, an actual bin of mail and closes it up in the trunk. He sits in the front and turns.
"There's three certified letters that you need to sign for. I can't do that for you as they were sent signature of recipient required. I'll escort you, you'll need a passport or license."
One of the letters is a copy of my birth certificate. My mother has the only copy and I wanted to have my own copy. One letter is from People magazine, the other only says 'Seattle' for the return address. People is offering me a million dollars for a sit down interview with me and Christian. I can choose any interviewer and can choose the place of the interview. I rip it in half and shove it in my purse. The envelope marked 'Seattle'gives me pause. I should have one of the security team open this but I know that if it's something threatening, I'll never know about it should I hand this over.
Sawyer is busy driving so I slip it open and pull out the four sheets of paper inside. There is no letter attached, just what looks like a legal document. At first I think it was sent in error but then I read further and see the name Christian Grey. My heart stops beating as the realization of what I'm holding in my hands hits me hard.
This is a contract of his.
The words Dominant and Submissive appear over and over. There are other words but I can't see them, my brain won't focus on anything right now.
"Ready, Ms. Steele?" Sawyer looks into the back and does a double take. "Are you feeling well?"
"I'm fine, fine. I just need coffee." My face is as pale as it can be, my legs shaky when I stand but I shove the papers in my bag and put on a brave face for the paparazzi camped out front. Only four today, an improvement I think grimly. "You'll take care of that mail?"
"Yes, ma'am. Once you're settled in upstairs I'll bring it to the GEH mail room and go through it there. Ryan is waiting at the elevator for you now." He walks me to the elevator and hits the button for me. Before the doors close I call for him.
"Sawyer, I don't want to know what's in the letters." Another document like the one burning a hole in my bag right now will kill me.
"No problem. Have a good day, if you want to go anywhere, just ring me."
I have no idea how I got to my desk, have no idea if I even saw Missy on the way in. My fingers are numb and cold when I pull out the papers again and wipe the tears away from my eyes. It's worse than I ever expected. Christian had told me that he had contracts, he'd told me about hard and soft limits but I hadn't given it much thought past that. Hearing about something in the abstract is one thing. Having it listed out for you and being able to touch it and see it, that's a mind fuck I was totally unprepared for.
The truth of his actions is literally staring me in the face. Line by line I torture myself and read through it once, twice and a third time before I drop the papers like the poison that they are and throw up in my wastebasket.
He's done all of this with women. All of it. I didn't even know half of this existed until this moment. Missy knocks on the door to ask if I want coffee, but I shake my head and wave her out. I feel faint.
"Are you alright, Ana? Can I get you some water?"
It takes a minute but I find my voice. My throat burns from throwing up but I don't want her to know anything.
"I'm fine, just a bit overwhelmed by work. I'll let you know if I change my mind, thanks so much." She leaves and I immediately pick up the papers again. Who sent this to me? There are no other names other than Christians and the dates are blank. Not one limit is crossed out or deleted so my guess is that this is a master copy of some sort. Why? Who?
Deep breath Anastasia Rose. You wanted him, you got him. All of him.
Certain phrases jump out at me; obey, punishment, rules, waxed, eagerly. I can't figure out if I'm more disturbed by the rules he's laid out or the sexual acts he expects. Bile rises again so I focus on the terms, those seem a bit more palatable right now.
'The Submissive is to serve and obey the Dominant in all things.' Fuck that noise.
'The Dominant accepts the submissive as his, to own, control, dominate, and discipline during the Term.' Fuck that as well. Own? OWN?
'The Dominant may flog, spank, whip, or corporally punish the submissive as he sees fit'. I'm not even finishing reading that bull shit. Next!
'The Submissive accepts the Dominant as her master, with the understanding that she is now the property of the Dominant, to be dealt with as the Dominant pleases'. Yea, skip the rest of that as well. Property of the Dominant my ass.
'The Submissive shall not look directly into the eyes of the Dominant except when specifically instructed to do so. She shall keep her eyes downcast.' I seriously don't know who I want to slap more, the women agreeing to this or the fucking asshole I made love to last night.
Missy walks in with a water and eyes me warily. I cover the papers and smile sweetly but she's unconvinced.
"Spill it Steele. What's up?"
"Another time, I really need to get the contract over to Matt Smith so we can get him working." She stands there and purses her lips, pointing to the door.
"I'm right there. Just call me in when you're ready." The minute the door closes I keep reading.
He chose the salon they went to? Hmph. I bet I know exactly where they went. She even groomed them for him. Unfuckingbelieveable. His stupidity actually brings me comfort for some reason. For someone so smart he sure is an idiot when it comes to her manipulation.
'The submissive will agree to any sexual activity deemed fit and pleasurable by the Dominant eagerly and without hesitation.' Well that explains why he was so put out when I denied him on Friday morning. He's used to doing whatever, whenever, however he wanted to these women.
I skim over the sleep, food, clothes, safety and exercise. While the whole thing is out of this world crazy to me, those 'rules' are the least of my worries. In some weird way they demonstrate a level of caring that doesn't line up with the whole, 'Own, serve, don't look me in the eyes bullshit'.
Do I dare read the soft limits? The things that my boyfriend and the man who took my virginity has done with other women? The phone rings then and I answer it without looking, something I need to stop doing.
"Hi, baby. Missy said you weren't feeling well and you didn't answer your phone. Do you need to see a doctor?"
Irritation as annoying as a bee sting runs through me.
"I'm fine, just busy. Did you need something?" Just get me off this damn phone.
"No, I wanted to check in, I didn't get to see you this morning and I missed you." My heart softens but only marginally. I sigh and put my head in my hand.
"I'm alright, just dealing with some really unpleasant crap."
"Anything I can help you with?" I almost laugh into the phone but cover it with a snort instead.
"No, but thanks. I'm still working it all out in my head right now." Images of women on their knees, eyes downcast and in front of him play out in my mind.
"Let me know if you need me, Ana. I hate that you're dealing with anything that bothers you. You're sure you won't come with me tonight? I'd really like to have you there."
"Next time. I promise."
"Damn. I'll see you later then, probably around 10 or so."
Once we hang up I debate, again, reading any further but again, I have no self-control. His hard limits are reasonable and I'm happy to see that he wouldn't participate in blood play or defecation play. What. The. Fuck. Moving on.
Shit, I didn't even know this stuff existed, not even in my wildest dreams would I think that someone would want to play around with electric currents or suffocation. How would that be sexual on any level? Here baby, let me put this battery charger on your nipples, you're gonna love it. And I thought I was wild because I did it on a dining room table.
Fisting? What the fuck does that even mean? That can't possibly be what I think it is and holy mother of what the hell! Anal fisting? What the fuck? He likes this stuff? Absofuckinglutely not going to happen. How does, that can't actually, I mean, No. Just. No.
I really wish I smoked. Or did drugs. Or had a fifth of whiskey hidden in my desk.
I'm surprised that I'm not only ok with a lot of what he has listed but that I want to try some of these things. I've already enjoyed a few of them and a smile spreads across my face when I remember how he tied me up with my bikini. I really liked that.
The listings of punishments is alarming. Caning, whipping, clamps, hot wax. Holy fuck. OK, maybe I can get on board with the hot wax but as discipline? No. He wanted to do this to someone, wanted to punish through pain. I have to keep reminding myself that this is all he's ever known. To him, this is normal and sane. He was taught this as a child. My hatred for that woman grows with each word I read.
What we do, normal, 'vanilla' sex is what blows his mind. The concept of being loved simply for being himself is still so new to him. My anger wanes even as my insecurity grows.
"Missy!" She saunters in and sits in one of the chairs in front of my desk tossing me a few Reeces.
"Took you long enough. So what'd he do? Why aren't you answering his calls?" I blink.
"What?"
"His calls? He called the main line because you wouldn't answer your cell phone. I told him you didn't feel well because one look at you and I can see that you don't." She grimaces. "Not to mention the vomit in your trash can." My head falls back as tears pool in my eyes. I can't tell her everything, it would be a betrayal to Christian but I need to ask her a few important questions.
"Mis, were you Logan's first?" she laughs and sits back.
"Not even close. Have you seen him? He's gorgeous! He'd been with so many women by the time we met that I knew him by his reputation before actually meeting him. Total playboy. Multiple women, one night stands, short term girlfriends, you name it."
"And did that bother you?"
"That he'd been with other girls? Well, fuck yeah. No woman wants to think of her man with someone else but once we got together and it turned serious, I had to let that go."
"And how did you do that?"
"Well, at first I questioned him relentlessly about it and that accomplished two things. It pissed him off and made me feel worse. I'd have been just fine never knowing he'd had two threesomes." She shivers and makes a gagging face. Logan? Really? "It was a waste of my time. It took months for me to trust him and in truth he deserved having to prove himself to me. He had built quite the reputation but once I knew he loved me I had to accept that I was the only one he was with and work on my own issues."
She leans forward and looks at me intently.
"Look, we all have pasts and we all have things we don't want to follow us our whole lives. Logan enjoyed those experiences while he was having them but they in no way define who he is with me. I used to feel inadequate, I think on some level most women do, but that's our problem, not theirs."
"Did you compare yourself to the other girls?"
"All the damn time! I even was friends with two of them and they were both much prettier than me." I roll my eyes but she waves me off. "Hey, I call it like I see it. His faithfulness and his constant reassurances only went so far though. I knew he'd been with some really hot women so at first I tried always looking my absolute best but he was always happiest when I was just me. Eventually I had to learn a hard lesson."
I wait, eyebrows raised. Save me here, Missy.
"When I started loving myself and seeing the value in myself, I didn't worry as much about anyone else, not even Logan. And as a bonus, I started letting myself be more free in the bedroom. Instead of worrying about whether my tits were nicer than everyone else's, I started watching him enjoy them. I started using my own sexual power instead of giving it away by comparing myself to what essentially amounted to ghosts." She sits back and folds her hands. "And that is why, after two years we're eloping next month."
"What?! When did this happen? Where's your ring? Oh my god! How could you let me go on and on about this stupidity?" I jump up and hug her tightly. Her message has been received loud and clear. Part of this is my issue. The way he's viewed women in the past is going to require a conversation but the things he's done with them, that has nothing to do with me.
"Over the weekend but we only told our parents. It's not really an engagement since we're not having a wedding and all that bull shit."
"So, no bachelorette party or shower? Mis you've got to do something!" she shrugs. "OK, well, we can at least celebrate with sushi. I'll make the call and have Sawyer run out and pick it up."
"See, there is a plus to having private security!"
After work Sawyer drives me back to Escala. Gail has made me basil stuffed chicken over rice and spinach. Once she serves me she leaves for her quarters and I sit alone at the breakfast bar in the quiet oversized apartment. Is that how it was for him every night? My heart aches, the anger and disgust from earlier all but gone when I see how shut off he's been. Did he even feel lonely or was his isolation so complete and so normal that he assumed this was normal?
Night after night he came home to an empty apartment, an empty life. He tried in vain to fill it with work, sex and control but it left him just as empty, maybe more so than before. I hurt for him. After clearing my place I text him for the first time today, just a simple I love you that I know will make him happy.
Love you, come home soon.
-love you too. Wish you were here. I miss you so much-
I quickly shower and do my laundry. I just can't ask Gail to clean my underwear. I've done the best I can with regards to her cleaning and cooking but I just can't let go of the laundry. I jump online and make an appointment for a wax and a haircut and then settle in the library with a cup of tea to read. As much as I've loved being with Christian every second I can, I've missed this alone time. I've read for close to three hours by the time I look up and am shocked to see that it's almost 10pm.
I'm tired, feeling sick and strung out all day has taken its toll. After I brush my teeth, alone for the first time in weeks, I climb in on my side of the oversized bed with the intention of waiting up for him but I'm out as soon as my head hits the pillow.
I'm awakened by my rapid heartbeat and a moan that sounds suspiciously like my voice. "What are you doing?" I try to sit up but I can't, Christian is under the sheet entirely, all I can see are the outlines of my legs splayed wide and a round head in between. His strong arm is across my belly effectively pinning me to the bed and the other is between my legs, two fingers inside of me, unmoving.
His tongue is relentless, flicking that bundle of nerves so recently discovered with short quick strokes while his lips hold me open. The fingers inside are still but fill me and within minutes I feel the build begin in my spine, the muscles around his fingers tightening. He moans against me, that skilled tongue not letting up at all. The light stimulation is almost too much, my legs are shaking, pushing against the bed trying to get away from his amorous mouth when he suddenly sucks my clit between his lips and pulls. I immediately spiral down and crash hard, screaming out and grinding my hips as waves of sensation bring me almost to tears.
When I stop he flings the sheet back and grins up at me, wiping away the wetness on his face with the back of his hand and kissing up my belly, sucking each nipple quickly before kissing me.
"Hi. I thought of nothing but the taste of you all day." He's bright eyed and so adorable, almost childlike in his enthusiasm.
"Well you're pretty pleased with yourself aren't you?" I joke with him, running my hands along his arms and lower back.
"I just made you come in less than three minutes from a dead sleep. Yeah, I'm pretty pleased." He grabs me around the waist and flips us so that I'm on top of him. "Now, slide that hot wetness down onto me, I want to see those pretty tits bounce."
"Christian!" I swat at him and giggle trying to roll off of him to get away but he grabs both wrists and pulls them behind me, nipping playfully at my breasts. "What has gotten into you?"
"You. I woke up to you in my bed and came home to you in my bed." He smiles devilishly and sighs, throwing his hands above his head. "Do you have any idea how impossibly happy it made me to come home to you? And then to find you naked in my bed?"
"Very happy?" I giggle at him.
He sits up and smiles, nipping at my lip before lying back down.
"I want to call this our bed. Not my bed. I want you to live here, Ana. I want to wake up to you and go to sleep with you every night. I want to see your clothes in my closet and your Star Wars mug in my cabinet. Move in with me."
What? Here? Now? Move in with him?
"But...we...we just met! We just started dating! It's too soon!" His torso bends as he rises to sit, the square muscles in his abdomen popping out deliciously against his skin.
"Too soon? Says who? You're it, baby, I know it. I've told you this before and I'll say it again now. You are it for me. I don't want to live apart, I want you with me all the time." His voice drops, his mouth moves to the shell of my ear, tickling the delicate skin with his words. "Move in with me. Please."
My mind is going a mile a minute as my mouth gapes open and shut like a fish. I can't move in with him, I barely know him! We've been dating for two weeks!
"Say yes, don't think about it, just go with it." That tongue licks my collarbone then as his hand clasps mine behind my back again, his other hand pushing the pillows to the floor. His back is flush against the headboard when he lets go and lifts my legs up so that my knees are bent on either side of me, almost wedged under his arms. The attention of his tongue has left me over sensitive and I shiver as he grinds up and then sinks into me slowly. It feels so good.
"Yes", he hisses, "I want this every night and every morning. I want what's mine whenever I want it." The words from the contract slap me in the face. 'The submissive will agree to any sexual activity deemed fit and pleasurable by the Dominant eagerly and without hesitation.'
His eyes are thankfully closed so he doesn't see the confusion I'm sure is painted on my face. His hands are holding me under my ass, guiding me as I rise and fall on him. He hits me deep like this and after just a minute he pulls me off and flexes his legs underneath me as he struggles to control himself.
"Fuck! Give me a minute, I don't want to come yet. I've been waiting all day to feel you around me." He smiles at me and there is nothing hidden behind it, all I see is love and adoration and joy and I resolve to work on my own insecurities with renewed effort. I will not crucify him for the things he's done before me. If he can look at me like that, then I know whatever I'm doing is good enough.
"Go slow, baby." We both groan when I slide him back in, holding onto his arms for support. "Shit I love you, Ana." His eyes lock on mine, growing serious and intense. His hand reaches between us but I stop him and hold it against my heart, riding him slowly and squeezing him as tightly as I can inside of me. "But, you need to co"
I cut him off and put a finger on his lips, shaking my head before kissing him. "I already did. I love you, Christian. I want to watch you." I feel him swell and tense and then without ever taking his eyes off of mine he comes, the heat of his desire spurting into me. Neither of us makes a sound afterwards, we just wrap our arms around each other and hold on.
No matter what happens, no matter what curve balls life throws at us, we will always have this.
CPOV
"Get to the fucking point. Are you interested in buying the public shares or not? I'm not here to play games, I'm here to do business." Imbeciles. I could have stayed in bed with Ana's sweet warmth molded to me.
Martin Kopling just keeps on talking, totally unaware that while he drones on I'm in my bed, tasting the sweet nectar that is only found between my girlfriends thighs. Damn, I could kill him. I call for the waiter and hand him my AMEX.
"We're finished here, Mr. Kopling. I have two more meetings scheduled today. I gave you first option but you've proven to be a poor businessman. Have a good day, thank you for wasting my time."
"Mr. Grey, surely you can offer a better deal than you are. You've failed to make your case here. Why, if the silicone chips are profitable and ready for market are you willing to sell them off? What's the hidden danger in purchasing?"
"I've no interest in the medical industry, the chips are specifically for dilation machines and transplant pumps. I have no interest in learning the medical industry nor do I want to start up an entire department. If you don't see the value in the company, then we're finished here."
Once I get in the car I call Ros and bite her head off.
"You said he was ready to buy! That was a total waste of my time, Ros. If Inteligent is unwilling to purchase, I want this company put on the block and sold off in pieces, I'm not wasting another day on this for $60 million, it's not worth it."
"Inteligent will buy it up, offer it to them for $62 and let them negotiate down a few million. We can clear this one out by afternoon. I need you in the meeting with Lao Tsang so wrap it up quickly."
"You're sure we don't need Ana in on this as well?" I am dying to see her speak Mandarin in person. Few things turn me on more than watching her speak in a foreign language.
"Sure of it. He lived in Chicago until he was 29, he's got a Midwestern accent." Damn. I was hoping to see her today. Sawyer texted to let me know that she made it safely to her office and that her mail was at GEH being sorted.
"Taylor call GEH and see what they've found in Ms. Steele's mail so far." He reaches for his phone and I dial Ana directly, anxious to hear her voice for the first time today but she doesn't answer. Walking into the board room of Inteligent I hand my phone to Taylor. I don't need to remind him that if she should call I'm to be interrupted.
"Mail?"
"They've only just started, Sir. So far just letters asking for interviews and money." Scumbags.
"Have all of her mail forwarded to GEH for now, I'll let her know we're doing it when I get a chance. I want it done immediately."
As Ros predicted the team from Inteligent is eager to buy, they know a good and fair deal when it comes their way and the negotiations are quick and painless. It's rare that I do my own negotiations without a team but for certain companies, it's imperative that I'm the face they see.
Walking into the boardroom at GEH always gives me a bit of head rush. I love the power, the absolute control I have in this room. It's my church, my alter, my religion. Ros raises her eyebrows and I say quietly, "58." She's pleased, so am I.
"Gentlemen, we're happy you could make it out to Seattle. Hopefully we'll have more beautiful days like today for you to enjoy." Both Ros and I need to be on our A game for this meeting. We're setting the groundwork for the intricate negotiations that will begin to take place in earnest next month.
"We're happy you chose Rome, it's a good neutral location. I'd like to propose a celebratory dinner our first night, Mr. Shinzu would be pleased if you'll allow us to host." I nod in acquiescence but he continues and pisses me the hell off before I've even sipped my unsweetened iced tea. "Typically we don't do business with women and I understand there are three on your team, it will be…different for us."
"Four." He looks at me confused as my jaw twitches in irritation. How fucking dare he. "Four women, all in upper management. We've added a female translator since our last meeting. She will be accompanying us to everything."
"Ah, yes. Anastasia Steele." He looks down at his paper and then back up quickly. "I look forward to meeting her." I bet. "I trust she is fully vetted and there is no concern of her leaking details." I have worked on this deal for close to a year but I will pull the plug on it if he goes even one step further.
"This isn't my first deal, Tsang. As to your medieval view on working women, you do realize that it's 2011, correct? I expect absolute respect for all of my staff regardless of their gender." His shoulders square ready for a fight but I'm in no mood to have to defend Ana or any other woman I've hired for that matter.
"Mr. Tsang, let's focus on the opposing notes we have to work through today. I'm sure you're eager to get back to your family in Chicago." Ros correctly reads my mood and thankfully Tsang takes the hint. For five hours we go back and forth, hammering out the finer details of the deal. Anastasia has translated numerous documents for this particular meeting and nobody finds any fault or error in her work. It's flawless. I'm prouder than fuck.
I've barely spoken to her all day, outside of a quick call between morning meetings she's been pretty quiet. Welch and Taylor enter with a box of what I assume is her mail. I have to say, I'm surprised, it's a lot.
"Well, it's a lot like the shit you get. Tons of letters from male and female admirers looking to do everything from have her call them to describing in detail what they want to do with her." My hand shoots up. I don't even like hearing that she's the object of someone else's desire.
"Any threats?" Taylor clears his throat and approaches with seven envelopes. Two are from the same person, the other five are from around the country.
"Three that we'll follow up on, the other three were from inmates describing in detail what their plans for her were when they were released." He hurries on, no doubt aware of the violence simmering at the surface. "They're all on death row, no chance of parole."
"And the other two, the one wrote both letters?" Welch steps forward and puts down a Ziploc with a tissue inside of it and another with a washcloth. "What are those?"
"Ejaculate. Different guys but the tissue is from the guy who wrote both letters. I've sent a man over to his apartment, he's in bumblefuck Oklahoma but still, this is pretty vile and needs...personal attention. The washcloth we're unsure of. The post mark was Seattle but it was sent over a week ago before your relationship became news."
"Hyde." Taylor steps forward and speaks.
"Without DNA testing we can't be sure. The police will process that when he's arrested but we'd have to request and pay for testing on this. I've already alerted Chief Collins and he's coming to collect it."
My body falls heavily into the chair behind me, my hands automatically pulling at my hair in frustration.
"How the FUCK do we not know where he is yet? Do your god damn job and find this guy! Damn it, Taylor, if this were Gail you'd have nailed him to the wall already." His shoulder tense and his chin rises defiantly. Welch gathers the evidence, asks if I want to read any of the letters or threats and I decline with a wave of my hand.
"Cover every single base necessary. If something happens to her and we could have prevented it from these letters, I'm holding you responsible." Welch leaves and I stand but Taylor doesn't follow him.
"Sir, if I may."
"Go ahead."
"Both Gail and myself are very fond of Ms. Steele, she's quickly become important to us and any implication that I'm not taking the issue with Hyde seriously is…frustrating at best." My stance widens, my jaw tenses. Fond of Ms. Steele?
"As a security team we have done all we can to find him. Every resource, even those that put us in a position that requires us to lie to the authorities has been exhausted. I assure you my team, especially myself, is doing all we can to find him."
Deep breath, Grey. "When was your last contact with Ray's friend?"
"This morning, Sir. No news to report and he's working exclusively on this." Point taken, Taylor.
"We'll leave for the dinner at six. I want to be home by 10. Has Ms. Steele returned to Escala yet?"
"Yes, sir. Gail texted a few minutes ago to let me know. I'll have the car ready in 15 minutes."
I can't count the number of times I've been rude to Taylor. Couldn't even begin to remember the ways that I've surely offended him but I can say with conviction that this is the first time I feel badly about it.
Taylor opens the door to the Audi as normal, his face impassive and blank as usual but I've spent enough time with him to know he's pissed. I give him a few minutes and then speak.
"I'm sorry for offending you, I know you're capable of finding this prick and I know it's a priority to you. I'm on edge about it, always waiting for him to jump out and my tension comes out unfairly was inexcusable and wrong of me to mention Gail."
His eyes raise to the rearview mirror and he nods, barely, but enough for me to know he's heard me. It feels good to apologize. What feels even better is the 40 minutes I have during the drive to fantasize about my girlfriend. I have thought of little else all day other than the way she tastes and the way the inside of her thighs feel against my face.
This morning when I woke she was curled into me, her hair a tangled mess under my arm, her face pressed into my chest. At some point during the night she must have woken and put on a t-shirt and panties but I don't remember anything other than her sweet words whispered in my ear while we made love. Make love, I am making love. Vanilla sex. And truly, for the first time, I've found satisfaction.
Memories of last night lead back to dinner and the conversation afterwards with Ana. I know she's right. I will always live with the fear of my secret getting out. I will always have a barrier between me and my family because I'm unwilling to really let them in. I'm so afraid they'll find out who I am and what I've done and then want nothing to do with me.
But Ana's words cut through my minds own bullshit and force me to really think about what it is I want from and for them. I want to protect my mother from my past and from the absolute pain she'll feel should she ever come to find out about me and Elena. But in the same token, if I continue to stonewall her and keep her at bay, I continue to hurt her and bring her pain by my absence. For the first time I see how the forced distance between she and I hurts her because she has no idea why I do it. I feel like I'm in a lose/lose situation.
I never want Mia to find out. Of all of my family, her finding out would devastate me on so many levels. Until Ana came around it was only ever Mia who could hug me and only ever Mia with whom I had any real connection with. I feel protective over her much in the same way I do over Ana. She can never know.
Elliot. My eyes roll when I think about telling him. He'd probably high five me like a frat boy and then ask for details. Rarely, if ever, have I seen him take something seriously. I just can't imagine having a sit down conversation with him.
And then there's my father. Perhaps more than even my mother I worry about disappointing him. I know on some level that my mom will always love me but I wonder, if I hurt him badly enough, would Carrick Grey just walk out of my life? He's always been good to me, always made me feel wanted and loved but does he have it in him to see past what I've become? It's not a gamble I'm willing to take.
"Grey, good to see you here tonight." Liam Halen looks around me, still shaking my hand. "Where's the little lady?" I'm immediately on the defensive. Liam Halen is wealthy, not as wealthy as me but a billionaire a few times over in his own right. He's been married twice already and is notorious for dating super models and actresses. I don't even want him to know my girlfriends name.
"Anastasia? Right? Where is she? I was hoping to meet her. Any woman that can pin you down has got to be something else."
"She is. She's home, I would have liked for her to come but she had other plans." Other plans meaning she flat out refused to come. No matter what I said or how many times I asked she kept saying that she had nothing to wear and didn't feel comfortable. Both of those things need to change, I hate these functions, bull shit dinner parties or fundraisers for Seattle's elite to get together and flash their cash around. If she were here, it'd be tolerable.
"Too bad. How'd she land you anyway? I mean, your whole shtick is 'single bachelor never even seen with a woman'. What happened man?" Why is he talking to me as if we're friends? I took two companies from him in the last year at a loss to him of over $14 million dollars.
"She's wonderful, I'm sure you'll meet her soon. I'll catch up with you on the Perkins deal later, I've heard good things from their camp." And with that I walk off to the bar and order myself a gin and tonic. The bartender stares, holding an empty glass and a bottle of Hendricks and only when I lift my eyebrows does she begin to pour. It's just a face, now pour my drink.
Thankfully I've been seated with Gary Locke, our current US Ambassador to China and Mario Batali, a world famous chef. I quickly engage Batali in a conversation, all Ana watches is the Food Network and I know it would thrill her to have met him. I can't help but brag when I tell him how good of a cook Ana is. Within minutes he's invited himself to dinner, something that would have really pissed me off a few weeks ago but knowing how happy this would make Ana, it now thrills me.
Jay Inslee, our host and Governor of Washington has put me at the same table with the US Ambassador for a very clear reason. He wants the current deal we're working on to go through. It would mean at least two thousand new jobs for the state and millions in tax revenue. Locke's presence is the only reason I've agreed to even come tonight, having him in my pocket is paramount for this deal.
"You've got a tough sell with Shinzu, he's not going to part with either of those ports easily and he's certainly not going to sell the factories now that Intel wants to hire him to produce the cases." He sips his bourbon; I take note of the brand he ordered while he continues. "He's a real piece of work, hates America, hates people with money, and hates women. You bring your number two over there, he's going to eat her alive."
"I've heard a few similar statements. Ros will chew him up and spit him out. She'll just have to wait until the ink is dry." We laugh, his boisterous, mine forced. My concern is for Anastasia. She'll have to deal face to face with him and his cohorts and god help me if he treats her badly. I will lose my shit for sure.
"Anyway, ply him with Absinthe, it's his weakness. That and women. He may hate them, but he loves to have them. Buy a few for him each night and you'll stand a chance of this deal going through."
Not a chance am I buying this dickwad women. Other business men may play that game but I never have and I never will. Schmoozing with expensive alcohol and meals is part of the game. Kissing his ass and feeding into his misogynistic behavior isn't how I work.
"I've got full confidence in my team. I'm expecting to have the deal closed by quarters end, any softening you can provide is appreciated."
After dinner and an enjoyable conversation with Mario I call it a night. I can't think of anything other than getting home and tasting Anastasia, it's been in the forefront of my thoughts all day. Taylor reaches back and hands me three pieces of paper, all with a woman's name and number on it. This is nothing new, at every outing there are women, and a few men, who have tried in vain to get my attention. Taylor dutifully collects their information and hands it to me for me to throw away myself. If I didn't ask you for it, I don't want it.
Once the cards are ripped and fluttering to the floor I close out the last piece of business for the day.
"Mr. Brindisi, Christian Grey. I apologize for calling so late but I need to get a piece made by Saturday morning." He is, of course, happy to hear from me. I imagine I could call him at two in the morning and he'd be thrilled to hear from me. I describe what I want and authorize him to allow Ryan to pick it up for me.
Business done I go back to fantasizing about Ana, naked and bouncing on my cock. The apartment is surprisingly quiet but knowing that she's here makes it feel full anyway. There's an excitement inside of me that I've never felt before when I see her sleeping in my bed.
Anastasia, sleeping in my bed, waiting for me to come home. I strip as quickly as I can.
I have come home to an empty apartment since the day I bought this place. Even when I had subs here they would be in their room unless I summoned them. Gail was there to serve me dinner and then would go to her own home and even though it shared a wall with mine, I was still very much alone.
Coming home to find Ana here, in my bed, makes this place feel like home for the first time. I've never known that feeling, not even as a child. I've always felt like an intruder in my family's home. Someone who didn't really belong but here, with her, I know I'm exactly where I'm meant to be.
Fuck yeah, she's naked. I can tell by the way the sheet clings to her body and the smooth contour of her curves. Even better. She doesn't stir when I slide in next to her nor does she wake when I part her legs and lift her knees. She smells like a woman. A sexy, sinful woman. With her asleep I can inhale her scent over and over again without worrying about embarrassing her. Once I've had my fill I lick, long strokes that separate those puffy lips that hide so many secrets.
Still she doesn't stir. I chuckle against her mound, her hair has started to grow back a bit and it tickles my nose but I like it. It's part of her and anything that's part of her is a turn on. Maybe we'll keep it.
Even in sleep her body responds to me. Her hips start to writhe and that sweet juice I've been obsessing about all day falls onto my tongue. Pushing first one and then two fingers into her wakes her up and within seconds she comes, my tongue greedily lapping up as much as I can.
Pushing the sheet down to see her smiling, dazed face makes me so deliriously happy that my plans for seduction fall apart and I ask, no, beg her to move in with me. I had grand plans of romance and diamonds, heady distractions so that she couldn't say no but I can't help myself, coming home to her has sealed the deal. Happiness for me is coming home to Anastasia Rose Steele.
She hesitates, caught off guard by my request so I do the only thing I know to do. Distraction.
"Say yes, don't think about it, just go with it." It's a business ploy, one I've perfected over the years. I'm afraid that if she has time to think about it, she'll run so I overwhelm her body and her mind. But in the end it's me who's overwhelmed.
I have prided myself on my iron clad control. If I didn't want to get hard, I didn't. If I didn't want to come, I didn't. From day one she has blown that control right out of the water. Her body wrapped around mine has me coming hard in less than three minutes. Coming with her is more than physical and it calls every emotion I have to the surface like a truth serum.
"You haven't answered me." Our bodies are still connected but I feel her drifting away. One look at her face and I know her answer. My heart sinks.
"Christian, I love you but moving in is a huge step and not one I think I'm ready for." Fuck! I knew I should have wined and dined her first. God damn it!
"Promise me you'll think about it. Being at that function tonight and knowing I'd be coming home to you, it was an awesome feeling. I want that every day. I want to sit in a tedious meeting and think, 'when I get home, Ana will be there'." She smiles and climbs out of the bed, putting on one of her satin tank and short sets. So sexy. I just had her a minute ago but I'm hard as granite again.
"I promise to think about it but you have to promise not to badger me about it." Me? Badger? "I know how you operate, Grey but this is a really big decision for me. For us."
I slide down and put a pillow behind me. "I just want to be with you as much as I can. You make me so happy." Her arms drop and her lips curl up.
"Well shit, you keep talking like that and you'll never get rid of me!"
Baby, that's the whole point.