CPOV
Fourteen hours. That's how long it's been since I asked Anastasia to move in with me and that's how long I've been waiting for an answer. I hate waiting. Can't stand it. Abhor it.
"Baby, what's bothering you? You've barely touched your lunch, you barely ate your breakfast and you've hardly said a thing since last night." I've promised not to 'badger' her about moving in and I'll do my best but this distance I feel doesn't sit well with me.
She shrugs and sighs, leaning back in her chair before she pinches the bridge of her nose.
"I don't feel entirely well."
"Are you sick? Do you feel the same way as yesterday?" She looks at me confused. "Sawyer said you threw up at your desk, Missy told Ryan." Her eyes roll upwards with annoyance. "Maybe we should take you to a doctor, Ana." Her lips quirk up and she giggles.
"If I was sick, which I don't think I am, I wouldn't go running to a doctor right away. I'm fine, I think the massive number of changes to my life in the last two months is starting to catch up to me." She takes a bite of her fish and rubs the top of her foot on my calf.
It's instinctual, an involuntary response to her body but my dick rises, acutely aware of the zipper on my fly. She's got on a black sheath dress that cuts off above the knee. My fingers find the smooth skin of her legs under the table and trace tiny circles as far as she'll allow me to go until her hand stops me and she gives me a warning look.
"Can't help it." She giggles, the sound bringing me so much joy it hurts my chest.
I look up when I hear the clatter of her fork and meet her gaze, pained and tense. My own fork drops when I reach for her hand.
"What? What's wrong? You were just laughing!"
"I know." She pulls her hand away and twists it in her lap, her teeth worrying that plump bottom lip until it's red and puffy. So sexy.
"I received something yesterday that has really upset me despite my best efforts for it not to." My stomach drops to my feet. The pictures? "I have no idea who sent it but it came certified mail. Sawyer doesn't know about it so don't go postal on him but I have to show it to you even though I really, really don't want to."
"Ana. You're concerning me. What is it?" My hand is outstretched and open waiting for what I'm sure are pictures of me but instead she hands me an envelope with papers inside. She's watching me from under her lashes, pain evident in the deep green. I can't hide the surprise and immediate rage that fills me when I see what it is.
One of my contracts has landed in her lap. On purpose. The who is obvious, only my subs, Elena and Taylor have copies of these. Taylor has zero reason to expose Ana to this and my subs have all been quiet for months, some for years. This had to have come from Elena. I don't look any further than the first few lines, I know what it says and I know why it bothers her.
"I'm sorry. I don't know how this happened. I...I...I really don't' know what to say."
"Neither do I. It's been sitting at the post office for almost a week so whoever sent this has to have been waiting for a reaction for that long." Quickly reading between the lines I know that what she's saying is that if this was Elena, and I've no doubt that it was, then our little show on Monday is that much sweeter. It's a small comfort.
"Stop pulling your hair, Christian. I like your hair on your head, you'll be bald in two years if you keep that up." I can't help it, she is so unexpected, so completely unpredictable that I snort and laugh. She's just handed me a contract listing the sordid acts I've done with other women and her biggest concern is my hair.
"Sorry. God, Ana. You're too much." I wipe my eyes and put the contract back in the envelope. "I'll get to the bottom of this and I'll make it right, baby." Well thank fuck that's over.
She exhales a long slow breath and stares at her wine glass. Or not. She wants to talk about it. Shit.
"I knew you had contracts with them, you'd told me that much but I never thought to ask about what was in them. I was totally unprepared for what I read. I'm not sure if I'm more disgusted by the rules or by the acts that I now know you've done with them." Her eyes fill with tears but she wipes them away as quickly as they come. "There's nothing left for just us. You've already done everything."
"Ana, everything we do is like experiencing it for the first time. Everything is heightened with you, it all...all of it holds more meaning. Physically speaking, there has been nothing that compares to the way I feel with you." I'm losing her, I can sense it as we sit here. She's putting up walls to protect herself and nothing I say is going to stop it.
"Ana, you have got to listen to me. I love you. I love you. Nothing compares to that. Nothing. Fuck! This shit meant nothing to me, it was a sense of control, a physical response. Nothing more."
"It says in there, in black and white with your name as the author that you own them. Own them! Do you know as a woman how that makes me feel? That my boyfriend has actually thought he owned another human being?" Her hand waves dismissively when I open my mouth to speak. "And let's not leave out the part about being controlled, dominated, disciplined and punished."
"Ana it wasn't like that." But it was you freak. You can't deny it, it's written out for you.
"Yes, it was, Christian. Don't treat me with kid gloves here. You actually use the words 'Dominants property' in there." Her voice catches and she covers her mouth and closes her eyes. Holy fuck what do I do? I'm stunned silent.
"Did you really not let them look you in the eyes?" She's whispering so that she doesn't cry and I nod. I let two of them look at me a few times but overall, no, they were not to interact with me unless it was for me to fuck them and even then they were mostly blindfolded or facing away from me. "I don't know what to say. I'd like to hunt them all down and scream at them that they're worth more than that. How could you think so little of another human? Of a woman?"
The waiter is on his way over but I wave him off. As much as I'd like to leave, I couldn't walk if I had to. All feeling has left my legs and has been replaced with paralyzing fear. Ana is going to leave me. I can feel the loneliness closing in. My brain works frantically to tell her something, anything that will keep her here.
"I didn't think little of them, they wanted it like that, they knew the terms, they didn't have to agree to them but this was what they wanted as well." She scoffs and takes a drink.
"Right. Every woman wants to be told that she's not allowed to look at a man but that he can order her to do whatever the hell he pleases to her. Women love to feel like their worth is tied to what's between their legs. 'Hey, come here and let me fuck you, let me take pleasure from your body and do whatever I want to it but don't you dare look at me'." She pauses and glares. "We all like to feel used." She spits the last few words out. I fight the urge to vomit. I have no argument, no way to defend the way I've viewed these women. Trying to get Ana to understand the nature of a BDSM relationship is futile right now.
"I can't reconcile the man sitting in front of me, telling me he loves me and wanting me in his home to the man who drafted that contract." Her hands cover her face but I hear a muffled, "I'm so confused right now."
"I'm different." It's all I can think to say. I can't even think to tell her how I'm different because I haven't figured it out myself. But I am. Everything about my mindset has changed in the last few weeks.
"I know." She says softly. Hope spears through me like a knife. "I tried, really really tried to let this go and work through it in my mind. I've had over 24 hours to stew on it and to try to work through it but the harsh reality is that you have lived a certain way for almost 15 years and in those years you've not once deviated from this," she waves at the envelope sitting like a bomb between us, "even once. But then I come along and suddenly, you don't want a thing to do with it." She stills and locks my eyes with hers. "I just don't believe it. This is so fucked up in my opinion. I get it, women asked you for this but I'm not that kind of woman and I don't understand it."
"You don't have to! I don't want any of that with you."
"You don't think of me as property? As yours to own, dominate, and discipline? God I can't even say that word." She looks absolutely disgusted.
"No, Ana. I don't. I'd like to say that I see you as my equal but I don't. You are far greater than me, much better than I could ever hope to be. I would never see you as property."
"What's with the mine, mine, mine then? Did you say that to them? When you were fucking them did you tell them that they belonged to you the way you say it to me?" Her voice catches again and it rips my heart in two. "Stop pulling at your hair! It's pissing me off!" My hands fall to the table.
"No! I was never affectionate with them like that. You are mine just as I'm yours. Not as unequal partners but as lovers who take care of each other. Fuck, I have no idea what I'm supposed to say right now, no idea how to fix this."
"There is no fixing it. I have to really think about it and figure out what I'm doing here. I love you, Christian. But I love this Christian, the one sitting in front of me in a white button down and an ugly red tie. I loathe the guy represented by these pages, he stands for everything I hate." Ugly tie? She picks up the envelope and drops it as if it were on fire. "I hate men like this and that was you. How, tell me how I separate that out when I can't believe that this part of you is just, poof! Gone!"
She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. This is it, she's leaving. My heart has stopped beating entirely, if she leaves me, she may as well bury me because it will kill me. It's a truth I know as well as I know that I'm a changed man. I'm a changed man. For the first time I believe it.
"I love you so much, more than I should for the amount of time we've spent together but I can't help it. You do own my heart, that's the truth of it. And part of me is furious that I'd be with someone who treated women this way but the other side of me, the part of me that knows you even without words knows that this is just part of who you were. This grossness is a manifestation of the damages that were inflicted onto you at a young age and by that...that cunt." My eyes widen, in all the time I've known her she's never been so angry.
"It's not an excuse for your behavior but it's a direct consequence of what was done to you." She waves her hands around and continues but my heart still isn't beating. Is she staying? Is she leaving? "I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and believe that you don't want this with me. I do believe that actually. What I have a really hard time believing is that you don't want that at all anymore."
"Are you leaving me?" It sounds pathetic even to my own ears but I have to know, I can't take this agony. Her head snaps back but then she stands and sits on my lap right there in the middle of the restaurant. My arms wrap tightly around her warmth afraid that if I ease up she'll walk out of here without me.
"No, I'm not leaving. I never want to leave you, that's what makes me so afraid." Her words are muffled since she's buried her face into my neck but I hear them loud and clear and the blood in my veins starts moving again.
"Don't be afraid, Ana. I never want you to leave. I'm not going to hurt you, not today, not tomorrow, not 20 or 30 or 70 years from now." My voice drops to a whisper as the ball of emotion and relief in my throat all but strangles me. "I can't live without you, I could never go back to that life again." I hear the catch in my voice and so does she because her arms tighten around my neck.
We stay like that until the feeling comes back to my legs. I stand to leave, her arms linked around my waist, mine around her shoulders. We look ridiculous, like a pair of lovesick puppies but I have to touch her right now, I have to know she's here with me and not leaving.
In the elevator at GEH she asks if I'm leaving the office anymore today but I'm not. I've got multiple conference calls and a few projects I need to check up on but I'll be here. I'd cancel dinner with the Pope right now if it meant she'd feel secure.
"Can I bring my laptop into your office and work from there? I won't make any noise, I promise I won't disturb you." I love the idea.
"I'd love that. And you could never disturb me, baby." We walk to her office, still linked and she gathers her computer and paperwork, handing me the contract with a disgusted face.
"I never want to see or hear about this again." No problem. I shove it in my pocket and help her carry her stuff to my office, setting her up on the couch in the corner before getting her a cup of coffee. Andrea just stands there and watches me mix the cream in with an impassive stare. Yup, my girlfriend is tucked into my office on her laptop and I'm out here making her coffee. Just to fuck with her I give her a smile on my way out of the break room.
APOV
I tried, I really did try to push the words I read out of my mind. And it worked for all of four hours but then I woke up in a cold sweat and thought of the women who read that and then signed it. How? How did they think that was ok? How did he think that was ok? He's known as a champion of women in the business world. He treats his mom, sister, grandmother and me like queens but then he writes a contract that basically pushes a woman down to subhuman levels. Did he never wonder why some women saw themselves as only worthy of that?
And that's what bothers me the most. Did his actions break these women even more? Or did this help heal them in some strange way? I'd like to believe that Christian isn't a violent man but I know he has it in him. If Hyde were here now, Christian would beat him to a bloody pulp. If I'd let him, he'd have laid out that doctor from the pool party, the quarterback and the photographer. It's always there, simmering under the surface. He can tell me that he doesn't need or want that lifestyle anymore but his actions speak otherwise.
My intention at lunch was to let him know that someone was purposefully trying to hurt me, not make him feel bad but once I started purging, I couldn't stop. I wanted to tell him I thought he was disgusting and tell him how I questioned ever being with him again but I can never say those things to him. He's far too fragile and filled with self-hate, he'd believe them instead of seeing them as words spoken out of passion.
His fear is palpable even from across the room. Every few minutes I look up and catch him staring at me, a smile on his lips but fear in his eyes. He thinks I want to leave him still.
"Christian?"
"Yes, baby?"
"Will you come here please?" He stands and rolls his sleeves down automatically. When he reaches me I lay down on the couch and beckon him closer with my pointer finger. His surprise is as obvious as his fear. "Kiss me, here." I point to the space above my heart and he gives me a sad smile before dipping his head down and pressing his lips to the black cloth, lingering as if he could kiss away the anxiety.
"Better?"
"Yes." And in a small way, it is.
"I'm sorry, baby. I'm so so sorry that you have to deal with this shit. If I could go back in time, I'd do it all differently, every single day since that afternoon at her house. I'd do it totally differently."
"I know." My fingers skate over the smooth skin of his neck and circle behind his ear. "You were open from day one about all of this. I chose to be with you despite it all and I am so very happy I made that choice. I'll be alright, Christian, I just need to work through it and only time is going to allow for that. Just give me time, wait for me."
"For the rest of my life if I have to, Ana. I will wait for you forever." His arms are stretched above me, his hands on the back of the couch and by my head. I know he's afraid to touch me because he thinks I'll reject him. I can reassure him with a thousand words but none of them can hold a candle to the reassurance of giving him my body.
"You know how I said I didn't want to be known as the office slut?" His face grows pensive, the gray in his eyes wild and fearful. "Well, I changed my mind. I want you. Here, now." He breathes out forcefully and gasps.
"You do? Even after," his hand waves around absently searching for the words, "all of this bull shit?"
"Yes. I want you, Christian." What I really want is the reassurance of our connection, the one he swears he only has with me.
He breathes my name and closes his eyes as the tension in his shoulders falls away. My fingers unbutton the shirt between us, tugging it out of his pants and pushing it open so that I can reach up and kiss him above his heart as well.
"I'm not going anywhere, Christian. I'm here because I want to be with you." He shivers when my lips latch onto his nipple and suck but still he doesn't move or open his eyes. "I'm not afraid of our future, I'm excited for it." I move to his other nipple and bite down gently, my reward a low rumbled groan that reverberates to my groin.
When I pull back his eyes fly open and the look that finds me is feral, wild, his lust barely contained in the tight muscles of his body. Sitting up half way I press another kiss to his chest and slip off my dress while he shoves his pants down to the floor. His boxer briefs are no match for his enormous penis and I see its crown, purple and wet pushing past the white Hanro waist band. My hand brushes the moisture down his shaft as I push the fabric down before sliding my hand around his butt to pull him to my mouth.
"Oh fuuuuuuck." His finger hooks in my bra and tugs. "I want this off, I want to see all of you like this. I need to see you want me." My back arches giving his hand room to unsnap my bra and it joins my dress and his pants in a pile at his feet. He shoves his left hand underneath my tiny black thongs, sliding over my lips until he pushes his middle finger inside. My whole body arches then, the sensation so sweet that I thrash my head back, releasing him with a pop.
It takes me a few seconds to find my equilibrium but when I do my mouth finds him again, sucking him to the back of my throat with a groan. He bucks against me and falls forward, hissing out something incoherent while his right hand grabs at the back of the couch for support. As I lay on my back, legs spread open for him he pumps into me stopping only long enough to pull the soaked thongs off before pushing my legs open wider, immediately resuming his wicked assault. Not once does he take his eyes off of his hand.
"Shit, Ana. I need you so much. I need you, come for me, baby. Come on my hand while you suck my cock." His finger withdrawals and moves to my clit where he rubs back and forth in a furious rhythm. His hips are pumping in shallow dives, my mouth and tongue doing all they can to bring him to the peak with me. It feels so good, so wicked to be laid out like this, legs splayed wide, naked and wantsome while he watches me.
I'm right there, moaning onto his shaft as he rubs that tight bundle of nerves and just as I fall over the edge, he does too pushing in as deeply as I'll allow him. I swallow all I can, wiping at my mouth when he finally pulls out and collapses on top of me.
The reprieve is only momentary, before I can catch my breath he's sitting up and pulling my legs even further apart so that I can feel the wall behind the couch against my toes. He pulls my other leg out wide and pushes it up near my face, taking my hand and putting it behind my knee so that I can hold myself open.
"Like this." He says, sitting back to take the visual in. He's only barely erect but he runs his head along my cleft anyway, spreading me open and then pushing into me. A few short thrusts later and I feel him, hard and long inside.
"Again, I want you to come again." His voice is hoarse but no less demanding and the heat flows from me. I like when he's like this, I like when his need for my body makes him crazy. Sex to him communicates the emotions he doesn't understand and making me come, bringing me physical satisfaction is what puts his mind at rest. To him, it means we're ok, it means that I've accepted him and that I need him the way he needs me. I can give that to him. If sex is where he can be the most honest and open, then I can meet him here.
Over and over he sinks into me, raised on straight arms so that only our lower bodies touch. His eyes never leave mine. Instead they implore me to forgive him, beg me to not leave and ask for me to love him. His drives are harsh but it's his vulnerability that crushes me.
"Harder, Christian." His lips press together and he plunges into me harder, his face directly above mine. "Faster." I say and he moves faster, the sheen of sweat on his brow the only evidence of his effort. My free hand grabs at his hair and pulls as I come quietly, vaguely aware of our surroundings and the people less than 30 feet away from us.
His own release follows shortly after, he doesn't slow down or ease up, he doesn't even close his eyes. Instead he looks at me, staring into my soul and giving me his. He tenses, the muscles in his jaw ticking with his bite but he doesn't blink and he doesn't make a sound. When his body stops jerking he collapses on me and lays with me for a long time as I stroke over his head and back. Our bodies are sticky with sweat and the mix of our arousals, just another thing that binds us to each other.
"If you leave me, it will end me." The words are whispered so softly into my neck that I barely hear them but I know it's the truth and the weight of his dependency falls heavily onto my shoulders.
"I'm not going anywhere." The unspoken question lingers between us, both of us unwilling to speak it.
'For how long? How long will you put up with this shit before you leave?'
Right now I'm not sure how'd I'd answer.
"Namaste."
"Hey Jared. You got a minute before class?"
"Yes, of course. I wanted to show you the pictures I've chosen for the site, it'll go live tonight at midnight. I'm quite pleased with how they turned out." He shows me the four that he's chosen of me. I'm pleasantly surprised to find that I don't hate them. Hell, I even like one of them. There are nine pictures in total that he'll put on the studio's site and mine are only four of them. I'm hoping this makes Christian see the bigger picture and helps to chip away at his jealousy.
Wednesday nights he has a standing two hour appointment with Dr. Flynn. I'm grateful that he's occupied. I'm sure he'd be here and after Sunday, I don't think I could handle it.
"I had Brandon print a few images for you to take home and this," he holds up a flash drive, "is from Brandon for you to have. I think it's meant as a peace offering."
"Right, thanks. That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I was embarrassed for the over the top jealousy that my boyfriend exhibited but after having had three days to think about it, it's not him who I have the issue with. In fact, I'm pretty damn impressed with his control. Why would you allow that guy to say something crass like that about me, your friend, and then allow him to take pictures of me?"
"Ana, I should have let him go but he's a friend and in all honesty, it caught me off guard. You know I don't appreciate anyone speaking of a female like that and given the circumstances, I was impressed with Christian's handling of the situation. Please send him my apologies as well."
It's the best I'm going to get out of him and really, it wasn't him who said it. "If you do want more pictures in the future and you want me in them, I will not work with him under any circumstance." He nods his understanding which just frustrates the hell out of me. I'm already on edge so I teach an intense class that helps me to clear my mind of the contract and helps me to center myself in preparation for my Krav class.
"Anastasia. It's good to see you again. Are you ready?"
I nod and begin the exercises, kicking and punching on demand, sweeping and rolling as he tells me. Halfway through he pauses for a water break and wipes the sweat from his brow.
"Now we'll begin." He takes a defensive stance and orders me to strike. "His name?" I say it. "Again!" I yell it this time, knowing what Eyal is looking for. "And what did Jack Hyde do to you?" My hits become more focused while I work through the words in my head.
"He attacked me."
"How?" He yells and moves behind me immediately setting off a surge of panic. His move is intentional and even though I wasn't prepared for it, I alter my stance and strike back instinctually.
"He pulled me from my car by my hair. He slammed me against the car door and tried to grab me."
"Where?" He moves again to the side but I follow and duck as he lunges.
"My breast. He tried to grab my breast and he threatened to kill me. I kicked him. It did nothing except make him angry."
"And then?" No, no more. "Anastasia! And then?" He yells and grabs my hair but I turn and chop his throat on reflex. He's prepared but still gives me a nod of approval. "Answer me!" He yells. My hands drop along with my face but I answer him.
"He pulled me to a corner of the lot that was dark." His own arms fall so that I know he's no longer sparring with me. Instead he holds one hand in the other and waits for me. "He pulled me to the ground and then he licked my face." My stomach roils and Sawyer is next to me in a second pulling me to the bathroom where I throw up in the toilet.
"I'm sorry." I manage between heaves but he says nothing. His hand rests on my back until I'm finished and then he sits heavily on the floor, his arms resting on his bent knees, his hands hanging between them. He's got a distant look in his eyes and we sit there, feet to feet for a minute before he gets up and pulls me into an embrace.
"I'm sorry he touched you at all. I will never allow it to happen again." He releases me and brushes his hands over my shoulders nervously. Sawyer is even taller than Christian and probably a good 50 pounds heavier but right now he looks just as small as I feel.
"I'm just glad you were there. I can't ever express to you what you mean to me, what you'll always mean to me. You saved my life, Luke and I don't know how to say thank you for that." He comes back then from wherever his mind had taken him and smiles down, rubbing the top of my head like a brother would.
"That was thanks enough. Watching you fight out there and hearing you work through this shit, that's all I need." He smiles again and crosses his arms. "This stays private. I can't let the guys know I almost cried on the floor of the bathroom like a girl." I laugh then, a garbled laugh that echoes off the tile walls.
"I won't say anything. I mean it though, I really am so thankful to you." He shrugs and opens the door where Eyal is waiting.
"Ana, that's enough for tonight. You did well. Next time you will go further. Mr. Sawyer, it would stand to reason that you may benefit from this exercise as well. Since your other security officer is stationed outside, I would suggest that you take advantage of the lesson."
Sawyer grins and shakes his hand before grabbing my bag by the door and speaking into his sleeve to let Prescott know that we're on our way out. The crowd outside has thinned since I first arrived and I'm oddly proud of myself when I ignore them and get in the car without counting how many of them there were. I'm getting used to this stupidity.
"Is Christian back at the apartment yet?"
"Yes, Taylor said he arrived about 30 minutes ago."
The apartment smells wonderful when I walk in. There are a few candles lit and at the table are two plates of shrimp scampi. Christian puts the salad bowl in the middle of the table and smiles big, walking over to me and picking me up to spin me around.
"I love this. I can't even describe to you how fucking happy I am that you just walked in. Come on, you must be starving after your day."
"Don't tell me you cooked that?" I stand and point, a look of disbelief on my face.
"No, but I did heat up the bread and mix the salad dressing in." He gives me a worried look. "I hope you like balsamic."
"Love it." He looks happy enough to fly away.
"Flynn is desperate to meet you." He sops up the sauce with a crust of bread and chews it before continuing. "I'm pretty sure he thinks I should be paying you instead of him at this point. You're a therapy super hero according to him."
"A super hero who can't defend herself!" His chewing stops and he rests his hand on mine. I was half joking but the half truth of it is all he hears.
"Hey, you'll get there. Eyal said you're making enormous progress." Of course he'd be getting reports. "Anyway, Flynn would like for you to come in one day. Not to pick your brain but to meet you and answer any questions you may have." My head cocks to the side. "I told him about today. Not just today but about all of the bullshit you've had to endure because of me and my previous lifestyle."
"And what did he say?"
"He thinks you're remarkable and he wants to meet you. But he also said that you needed to speak to your own therapist about your insecurities and that you could ask him anything you wanted to know about me. I gave him a signed document and everything so that you could speak freely to him."
His hands take mine and he pulls me onto his lap. "I want this to work more than anything I have ever wanted in my entire life, Anastasia. I will do whatever it takes, anything it takes to get you and I where we need to be." His eyes light up and he dumps me back in my chair, quickly retrieving two large white binders from the counter.
"Speaking of which, I have a decorator coming in on Sunday. I'd like to warm up the place a bit, make it more home and less mausoleum. I was hoping you'd help, if I ask Mia I'll wind up in a pink Barbie palace."
I have to laugh because he's right. She's beautiful and classy but everything she wears is pink right down to the pink rims on her car.
"Christian, I have no idea how to decorate." Does he think I'm moving in? Is this why he's asking?
"I just want your input on colors, Gia can do the decorating. I want you to sign off on all of it though." He's hopeful, like a little boy but I need him to know I'm not moving in right now. I've hardly had time to think about anything let alone a huge decision like that.
"I'll help, I'd love to help but I do so under the awareness on your part that this doesn't mean I'm moving in. I haven't made a decision about that yet." He grins and kisses my lips quickly.
"I know. I was thinking blue for the bedroom." God he's exhausting.
"Oh! I have something for you. Jared apologized," he stands straight, arms crossed and scowls down at me, "oh stop that right now. My god you're like a gorilla when you stand like that. Anyway, he said basically that you were right and that he should have handled it differently. He had Brandon print these four photos for you to have. These are the ones he originally picked to go on the website tonight."
Before I can continue his fingers grab the envelope out of my hand so fast I almost get a paper cut. He studies each one before shaking his head. I know this look, his lips are going to press together, yup, there they go and next his jaw is going to start ticking. Onto his hair…
"No. No. No No No NO. You cannot put that picture on the site for the world to see. No!" I don't need to look to know which one he's referring to. It's the way I'm looking at the camera that bothers him, not so much the clothes or the poses. "Either you call him or I'm calling him but that picture is not going on the site."
"This is what I'm talking about!" He stops and stills. "You can't tell me what I can and can't do and you can't tell him either! God! Does everyone in your world just do whatever you say?" His lips purse and he sneers.
"They did until you came along."
"Well, I find it strangely satisfying to disobey you. Welcome to the real world, Mr. Grey." His hands run over his face and he sits with his elbows on his knees and then smiles at me sweetly.
"Sweetheart, I'm not comfortable with this particular picture. The others are bad enough but in this picture, you're basically asking the camera to fuck you. This is a look reserved for me and me alone. I don't want other men seeing you like that." He tries to keep his voice monotone but he fails in the end, enunciating the word fuck and increasing his volume with each word after it.
"Well my adorable oaf, you're in luck. I happen to agree with you and voiced my concern after having time to think about it during class. Jared has agreed to use a picture of the same pose but taken from a different angle so that I'm not looking directly at the camera. I have a flash drive, from the photographer for you, that shows the shot Jared agreed to use in this one's place."
"Well played, Ms. Steele. You just saved your ass a spanking." He stands and reaches for me. "Come, we'll look at them in the library on the big screen." I squeal with delight. I love the library in this place, it's the one room I can't imagine making any changes to. My world turns upside down when he throws me over his shoulder and slaps my butt.
"Oaf? I can be an oaf. Come on wench, I want to see these pictures."
CPOV
The minute Sawyer leaves with Ana to take her to the Pilates studio I take out that damn contract and read it for confirmation of its origin. Four words confirm what I already know. Vaginal fisting. Anal fisting. Only my original contracts had these soft limits and my original contracts were the ones Elena would have the girls sign herself.
As our system became more sophisticated I would hand the girls the contract directly at our initial meeting and then take my copy immediately. After attempting those two acts a total of one time, I struck them off the list entirely. Outside of humiliation, I found no need to partake in those particular activities, humiliation has never been one of my things.
This contract came from Elena. Ana knows it, I know it.
"Welch, where are we on finding out who the kid is and on the banking issue?"
"No further, Sir. She's done very little outside of her home and Esclava since you pulled the plug on her. It's almost as if she's circling the drain getting ready to die."
"No. She's up to something and she's getting ready for war. I need to move on this and now."
"Mr. Grey, due respect, we've got jack shit to bring to the Feds. You know and I know that the kid is underage but without proof, they're not going to do anything. The fake social security numbers? The bank manager will get more jail time then she will. I know you're eager but we don't want to fuck this up. Sir."
In a spectacular fit of rage I threaten to fire him, his staff and every person he's got working on this case. "Get me something now!"
On the way home I hand Taylor the contract and tell him to figure out if anyone outside of Elena could have sent it.
"Ms. Steele has seen this then?"
"Yes. She was…less than pleased. I want it destroyed once you've processed it." His face is as impassive as ever but his body language suggests that he's got quite a bit to say. "Speak freely, Taylor, I know you want to."
The wheel turns under his hands. "It's none of my business, sir."
"I want to hear it." I see him check me out in the rearview mirror. I've asked his opinion on things of a personal nature three times since he's been employed and all three times were about a gift for my sister.
"It's better that she know everything up front. Hitting her with all of this early on is hard for her now but in the long run, it's for the best. A woman like Ms. Steele lives in the real world and doesn't build her relationships on half-truths. If she read that and didn't run for the hills, you'd better find a way to keep her." I know.
"I'm working on it."
Gail gives me instructions on how to reheat dinner since I'm going to wait for Ana and then she and Taylor head into their quarters. Gia has dropped off the books of color wheels and paint chips for us to start looking over but I want to wait to do that with Ana as well. There are still a few little things of hers in the guest room from when Ray stayed here so I busy myself by moving the random pieces of clothing to my closet.
In the bathroom I chuckle at my toothbrush. In fine point marker she's written along the length of it;
'You are sweet'
At 7:30 I heat the bread up and turn the stove on to reheat the scampi. I'm impressed with myself and become even more so when the bread doesn't burn. My baby is coming home to me tonight. Despite all that happened today, despite the things she read and the conflicting emotions she's experiencing, Ana is coming home to me. I feel like an idiot but a big part of me wants to jump and click my heels together like the chimney sweeper in that Mary Poppins movie Mia liked. I'm just that damn happy.
I'm that damn happy until she shows me the picture, the picture I knew was going to be a problem. Absofuckinglutely not will I allow this to go online. Every schmuck in the world will jerk himself to this. NO. I will figure out a way to crash the internet if she goes through with this, Barney's got to know how to do that.
And then she called me a gorilla and an oaf? Oh, her ass is mine tonight. Between the anxiety brought on by the contract and now these pictures, I need a good session of hard fucking. Keep talking, baby, it's just getting me harder.
In the library we drink a bottle of wine as I scroll through 384 pictures of my girlfriend in spandex, posing in positions that show off the lines of her body and just how flexible she is. I don't know if it's the wine or simply the fact that the woman in these photos is the same one in this room but I almost don't care who sees these right now. She is so fucking hot I can barely believe she's real.
When she returns from the bathroom I've paused the slideshow on the 'downward dog' position. How aptly named.
"I want to see this one in person. Naked." Her brows form that V that I've come to love and she giggles. Bad move, baby.
"What? Get out of here! I just did two hours of workouts plus I haven't showered from our time in the office." Who the hell cares? Just get naked and bend over.
"Ana. Take off the clothes and get in that position. I didn't ask for a rundown of your day."
Her arms cross over her chest but that only fuels the desire churning in my gut. Bringing defiant Ana to heel is one of my biggest turn ons and bringing defiant Ana to heel in a pair of yoga pants? Sexual Nirvana.
"Is this Dom Christian?" My brain is screaming at me, be careful! Handle gently here, Grey!
"No, this is your boyfriend Christian who wants you to strip and bend." Her brows knit again, the V forming between them momentarily but enough so that my dick turns to granite.
"What if I want Dom Christian?" What the fuck? My dick just shot off my body and is at her feet begging for mercy. She wants me to dominate? After what she read today? Is this for real or is this her fear talking?
"Ana, I'll be whoever you want me to be but only if it's what you want, not what you think I want. I just want you." She struggles to find the right words but I'm not going to help her with this, she needs to figure out on her own what it is she's comfortable with.
"But, you like that, the domination. I take serious issue with the owned, servant, property aspect of what I saw today." So she can't say contract, obviously we're not finished there. "But I like when you take over in the bedroom. I don't really know what I'm doing yet and when you touch me, I lose all sense of reasoning, it's almost like I can't think for myself. I like that." She's blushing from her hairline to her knees and I can't take it anymore but then she bites that bottom lip and I snap, I will do anything she wants, be anything she wants so long as she lets me fuck her right now.
"Then take off your clothes and get in that position." She stands still for another few seconds, the wheels in her head spinning wildly but then her shoulders toss back and she lifts the hem of her shirt over her head followed by her bra and then moves to take off the pants.
"No!" I start towards her as every memory I have of her in those tight yoga pants over the last few months comes barreling back. "I've wanted to peel these off of you since the first Sunday we spent together."
"Really?"
"Ana, you have no idea how many showers I had to take just to get these pants out of my mind." Her arms reach up and unbutton my shirt. This is definitely not normal Dom behavior but I just don't give a shit, it feels great to have her undress me.
"Do cold showers really work or is that a myth?"
"With you? A myth. A total myth." The shirt slips off of my shoulders and she reaches for my belt, immediately cupping my balls when her hand slides inside my pants. "Mmmmm, that feels nice."
"So you, you did that to yourself? And you thought of me?"
"Masturbated, Ana. Say it with me. Masturbated. Good, that wasn't so hard now was it?" She rolls her eyes and I answer her by landing a good hard smack on her now bare ass. She screeches and grabs onto my upper arms. "And yes, I thought about you constantly. Still do."
"What exactly did you think about?" This is tricky. There has got to be a handbook somewhere for these conversations. Maybe Elliot knows where I can get one.
"Well, I've always promised you honesty so here it is. In the beginning, I thought of you in my playroom, tied up and bound, begging me to fuck you. But then I'd start thinking of you wherever we were. In the grocery store, in Starbucks, on my desk, on the couch in my office." I wink, she blushes. "In my restaurant. That was the worst, I had such a rager that entire night I was sure the table was elevated. I must have jerked off three times when I got home."
"You thought about the couch in your office? And then made it happen?"
"Well, technically you made it happen but yes, I can say with honesty that I've imagined having sex with you on any surface you can think of."
Her hands twist a bit and she bites that lip again. Damn, stop talking, start bending. "Your office? Did you...do things before in there?" Elation. I am elated to answer this because I know it will make her happy.
"Nope. Never even had one of them in the building let alone my office. Only ever you, Ana." She all but jumps up and down.
"And do you still…masturbate?" She whispers the word and I laugh out loud.
"I don't need to, I have you here with me now. All the things I thought about I can do now."
"Not all of them."
"No," I say softly. "Not all of them. Now bend over and do that thing you're doing in the picture."
She bends with her ass high in the air, her palms flat on the floor.
"I'm going to play a bit, nothing harsh, just little swats here and there and then, Ana, then I'm going to fuck you. Hard."
God her ass is perfection. I can't wait to claim it one of these days. Slow down, Grey, you start talking like that and she will definitely run for the hills. My hands glide over the curve of her thigh and stroke inwards where it meets her slit. She's wet, I can see the glistening of her cream between her legs. Damn, I wanted to play for a bit but now I just want to get inside of her. It's the same problem every time I'm with her. I want her too much.
My index and ring finger slide between her legs and pinch her shut, rolling the puffy flesh between my fingers. When she begins to moan I land my hand on each of her cheeks in a quick succession ending with a direct light slap to her mound.
"Oh god." She groans and I do it again, all the while my fingers are pinching and rubbing but never penetrating between those slippery folds. My cock is begging for attention, aching and heavy with the want of her. Lining myself up I carefully enter her, the heat and tightness of her body bringing me immediately to the edge.
"So good, Ana. You feel so good. I want you so much." I touch her nowhere else but at our joining and watch with lustful satisfaction as I move in and out of her. She gasps loudly and cries out 'No!' when I pull out but before the sound finishes I land my palm against the place I was just inside and she rocks back, looking for more.
"Hands on the ground, Ana! My fingers resume their sensual pinching but now I gather her cream on my hand and rub it on myself to get a bit of relief. My left hand continues to land soft blows to her cheeks, not quite a spanking but enough to take the edge off of my need to control. Every few times my hand lands directly on that pink pouting apex.
"Spread your legs a bit further, that's perfect. So hot, so beautiful. Now tell me what you want. Say the words, Anastasia. All of them." I'm stroking myself as I watch her tremble with each slap to the top of her slit. She's moaning constantly now as my right hand flattens and lightly taps on her closed lips over and over again.
"Oh god, yes, I...I...oh, oh."
"The words, Anastasia. Say the words."
She cries out, "Fuck me! Fuck me, Christian please!" and then she comes before I have a chance to. She floods my hand, coating it in her wetness and as the last screams of her ecstasy wane I slam into her, rushing out her breath and sheathing myself deep. She can't see me but I mark myself anyway and smear her wetness over my heart. It's new to me, I'd never even thought of marking myself before but it does something to me. I feel claimed by her even though I've done this to myself.
I come within a minute of pounding into her, so turned on by the position, the sight, the sounds, the smells, it all combines into one perfect mix of sex for me. I cry her name at the last spasm and sink to the floor with her in my arms.
My chest is heaving and burning along with hers. After a minute she speaks and it's so low I strain to hear her.
"I like that side of you. I can't promise the hard stuff, it holds no appeal to me but I never thought I'd like spanking either and I do."
I blow her hair away from my face and kiss her neck.
"I will take you anyway I can get you, Ana. Anything you'll give to me I'll take so long as it's given freely and because you want to. In the end, as long as I have you, I have everything I'll ever need."