Sidney
It's our first preseason game and I have first game nerves. They happen to some degree at the beginning of each season for the first game. I sit in the locker room, as I am now. In my skates and half of my gear and I play the opening of the game in my mind. I see myself take the face off, win it, and bump it back to Tanger. That starts our first rush up the ice.
"Sid!"
I look up when I hear my name and Geno is walking across the room to me. The guys know to leave me alone before a game so it must be really important.
"Hey G" I greet him.
"You seen Anna?" he asks.
"No, why?"
"She says she comes to see me before the game and she's not here."
I can't tell if he looks upset, worried or is just confused. Sometimes it's hard to tell with him.
"There's still an hour before the game. She'll come by, I'm sure" I tell him.
"Yay, I guess" he says and sits at his own stall.
I watch him lace up his skates and it hits me. Does Geno have a crush on the intern? The thought is both amusing and uncomfortable. I've been thinking a lot about the same intern at the most unexpected times. This isn't what Mario meant when he asked me to keep an eye on her but it's a most interesting side effect.
I look up in time to watch Anna walk into the locker room as if thinking about her so hard has made her appear. She is looking at Geno smiling and he grins back.
"You finally show, huh?" he asks her.
"What do you mean?" Anna asks back. "There's still an hour before the game. Don't you have warm up to do and Gatorade to drink?"
Geno continues to grin as Anna sits down beside him. She begins to speak with him in low tones so I can't hear what they're saying. I go back to my visualization and, when I open my eyes again, Anna and Geno are gone and the room is starting to fill up.
There is light bantering between the guys and room is definitely loose. Right now is one of the best times of the whole season. Everything feels possible before the first game. Although you always want to win, the preseason games don't mean much since the team always looks different so that the coaches can assess some of the guys. The first season game is when we get to see the whole team together, healthy, and playing the best guys on the opposing team. That's the Flyers tonight.
None of us have to get motivated to play the Flyers. This rivalry has been going for years and predates all of us on the current squad. The rivalry is so bad that the rink in Philly is the only one where my dad won't sit in the stands. If he goes to a game there then he'll sit in the press box. People would recognize him and it would get ugly if he didn't. He's in the stands at Consol tonight with my mom. They both like to come to the opening game. Mom will go home tomorrow but dad will stay for our first few games since they're at home this year.
"All ready Sid?" Sutter asks beside me.
"Yep, you?" I return.
"Oh yeah" he grins at me.
We go out for warm ups and then Mike gives us the last minute notes before the game. Since it's our home opener, there is a lot of ceremony stuff before the puck drops. The entire Pens coaching and training staff is introduced and then every player. That means there's a lot of standing around and waiting for the players announced last like me.
"It shouldn't be too much longer" I hear beside me.
Geno and I both turn and look at Anna. She's holding her usual iPad that I know also has a note pad in the cover. She doesn't go anywhere without either.
"You should have go chairs for us" Geno tells her.
"And I thought a big, strong hockey star like you wouldn't need a chair Geno" she quickly retorts.
I'm again amazed at how she can be serene, professional and completely unflappable one moment and then Geno draws out a sassy side of her the next. She's a really good fit for him. Of course I can't help wondering how well we'd fit and not our sense of humour.
Anna looks around the corner and then says to us "ok Geno, you're up next."
Geno walks down the tunnel and I hear the announcer say his name and the crowd cheers.
"Good luck tonight" Anna says to me.
"Thanks" I reply.
She turns and walks toward the locker room and probably to the elevator. I'm watching her walk away and have to be prompted by one of the other interns, Meagan I think, when it's my turn to go onto the ice. The extra five seconds are well worth it. Anna looks really good walking away in that tight skirt.
The game goes by quickly, as they can, and it's a nightmare. No one wants to admit it but the Flyers seem to have our number in our barn. They win more than they lose here and it kills me to admit that, even if it's only to myself.
After the game, that we lose 3-1, Mike gives us a quick recap of what we need to work on and then it's time for the press. Seriously, there needs to be a new rule that we don't have to speak to the press when we lose. Or when we're pissed off. Or at all would be really good but I don't think that's ever going to happen.
I get the usual 'what went wrong' and 'are you worried' questions. I answer honestly and quickly trying not to prolong this night. We have another game tomorrow and the sooner I can turn the page on this one, the better.
The press clears out and then most of the players do too. Half of them didn't have to speak with the media so they went to cool down or shower already. The rest of us finish taking off our gear so that we can do the same. The equipment guys will be here for a while yet with the gear and laundry quick turnaround for tomorrow. We'll have a morning skate first.
As I take off my skates, I notice that Geno is sitting at his stall drinking his protein drink. He's pissed. Simmonds was taking a run at him all night and got under G's skin to draw a penalty. That was when the Flyers converted their second, and go-ahead, goal.
I know better than to talk to him right now. When we screw up, we don't need anyone pointing it out or trying to make it better. It sucks, we fucked up, so we need to acknowledge it and turn the page. I don't think Anna knows this and I watch her walk into the locker room then sit down beside Geno.
She says something to him, too low for me to hear, and then Geno responds, stands up abruptly and leaves the room. Anna looks surprised and then hurt before she quickly covers it up. She definitely knows nothing about athletes.
The room is mostly empty now so I walk over and sit beside her. I know that I must stink, as hockey gear does, but I guess that I don't smell any worse than the entire room.
"Don't take it personally" I tell her softly. I don't know what Geno said to her, and I'm sure it wasn't cruel, but I'm also sure that it wasn't nice. "We hate losing."
"I'm getting that impression" she replies.
I look up and see Jen at the doorway. She either saw or heard what happened and I can tell that she's waiting for Anna. I'm torn because it's definitely none of my business but I also have an instinct to want to protect Anna. It's probably because Mario asked me to look out for her.
Before I can decide what to say or do, Anna notices Jen and says "looks like Jen wants to see me."
"It'll be fine" I whisper as she stands and walks over to Jen. I take a few seconds and, because I can't help myself, I enjoy the view.
Anna
The minute I saw Jen, I knew that I had really screwed up. I'm supposed to support my player with the press and not piss him off. What was I thinking?
"Hi Anna" Jen says as I approach her. "Do you have a minute?"
I nod and follow her when she heads down the hall. We travel in silence up the elevator and to her office where she shuts the door. She gestures for me to sit and then she does as well.
"Talk to me about what happened after the media scrum" she says to me.
She doesn't refer to when I spoke to Geno but I know that's what she's asking about. Did Geno talk to her? Did one of the coaches? This happened really quick. Oh God, am I getting fired?
"You mean after the press left?" I ask to confirm and Jen nods. "I was walking by the locker room and saw that Geno was just sitting at his stall with his head in his hands. I sat beside him and told him that we'll win the next one."
"And what did Geno say?" she asks.
"He asked me to leave him alone and then he left the room."
Jen purses her lips and tilts her head. Yep, I'm definitely getting fired. There are hundreds of people who would love this internship so it would be so easy to replace me.
"Our job is to help the players with the press and public events and everything it takes for them to be successful in public. We aren't responsible to help them with their game or to get involved in any other way. We aren't their friends no matter how close we get. It's great that you and Geno have bonded quickly, and he really loves that you guys are on the same page, it makes your job easier and Geno more effective. Over the next seven months and eighty two games, we're going to spend a lot of time together and it's important to remember the role we play."
I sit and listen while she continues to talk about the role of PR and interns in particular. She definitely believes that I over stepped myself and I guess I did. Shit. Here's where I lose the only job that was completely my own. I've failed at the only thing I've done on my own. Mom's going to have a lot to say about that when I tell her.
I should probably keep my mouth shut, but before she fires me, I have to know.
"Did Geno say something to you?" I ask her.
Jen shakes her head and replies "no, he hasn't said anything. Someone observed the interaction and thought that I should know."
It only takes me seconds to realize that it was Meagan who told Jen. I knew she was out to get me and going to be trouble but to try and get me fired. Who does that?
"You are really good at your job Anna and you're learning quickly. It is an adjustment to learn where the line is with the guys and how to navigate it successfully. The line can move but there is one hard and fast rule to follow: when we lose, leave the players alone unless they ask for something. Help them with the scrum and then get out of their way. These are the most competitive people in the world and they take losing very hard. Ok?"
So I'm not getting fired?
"Does that help Anna?"
Help? I'm not getting fired. I nod because I don't know what to say.
"Good. You are really doing well. There are going to be these small things that happen as we go along. You have a lot of experience with the press but you are also an intern and still learning. Keep asking questions and helping Geno with the press as you have been. Ok? I'll see you tomorrow."
I know that I've been dismissed, at least it's for the night and permanently, so I thank her and go to the intern bull pen to get my things.
"Trouble?" Meagan says to me when I'm at my desk.
Bitch, is what I want to say. Instead I smile sweetly at her and say "none at all."
Her brow furrows and then she gives me a sneer.
"Horse shoes up your ass, huh?" she asks sarcastically.
I don't want to engage this woman any further. There's nothing to be gained by talking with her and I should have remembered that before I said even the one thing I did.
I simply give her a smile and then leave my desk. I don't see a lot of people as I leave the building, which is good because I'm barely holding myself together. I don't know if it's the stress of upsetting Geno, thinking that I was losing my job or Meagan's bitchiness but I've had enough.
In the parking lot, it's only my car so I get in and finally let myself go. The tears fall steadily down my cheeks as I release my fear and anxiety. At least I've learned to allow myself these moments let my emotions out. It's better than the ulcers that I developed in my teens.
The knock on my passenger window scares me so much that I actually shriek. There a man at my door and I notice a black SUV behind him. I'm about to lock the doors when I notice that it's Sid. I can't decide if that makes me feel better or worse. The last person I want to see right now is him. How the hell am I supposed to keep away from him when he's everywhere I am all the time?
I roll the window down hoping that I can answer whatever question he has and then leave without him knowing I was in my car crying.
"Hi" I manage without my voice cracking.
"Can I come in?" Sid asks.
Seriously, without being rude, how do I stay away from this man? He isn't interested in someone like me so why is he always around?
"Sure" I tell him, not wanting to be rude.
Sid gets into the passenger seat and seems to completely fill the car. His body is large of course but it's more than that. His very presence fills the space as does the fragrance of his cologne and the combination makes me light headed.
"Are you ok?" he asks.
I try to sneakily wipe a stray tear and then give him a smile saying "sure."
He stares at me and seems to be considering what to do or say next. I think that I'm getting away with it when he reaches for the door handle. I guess I'm having a night of bad luck because Sid turns back to me instead of leaving.
"I think you're not" he says.
"Not what?" I try and hope that he'll let it go.
"You're not ok" he says softly. "What happened with Jen?"
Just twenty minutes ago, Jen told me not to cross lines with the players, they aren't our friends and that I need to remain professional. Maybe she needs to have that talk with Sid. Although I guess it's already too late for things to be professional between us.
"You can talk to me Anna. I promise that it will stay between us" he says.
His eyes are dark and plead me to trust him. I could get lost in those eyes, again, but the last time I barely got out and I can't afford to let it happen.
"Sid, it's been a long day and it hasn't been a pleasant end, for any of us I guess since we lost. Jen and I had a chat but everything is fine, honestly, it's ok."
"That's why you're sitting in your car crying?"
It seems that he's not going to give up. What do I say? How do I answer him and keep my professional distance? Shit.
"I'm sorry if I'm out of line Anna. It can be hard when you don't know the hockey world and get completely dropped into it cold. I mean, politics is easy, right?"
I look at him quickly. He can't be serious. Politics can eat you up and spit you out in a nanosecond. Hockey is a cake walk compared to politics.
That's when I see his lips twitch and his eyes slightly crinkle at the sides. Within a few seconds, Sid starts laughing and I know that he's kidding. He's trying to help me feel better without making me tell him everything or, really, anything.
"Yeah" I reply. "Politics is so easy. I mean, Woodward and Bernstein are pansies compared to Rob Rossi, right?"
Sid laughs, as I hoped he would. He has come out of his way to make sure I'm fine. I guess I owe him some honesty.
"I thought I was getting fired" I tell him softly and stare straight ahead. I can't look at him if I'm going to talk about this stuff.
"You won't get fired" he tells me and his hand covers mine on the console between us.
The minute his hand touches mine, I feel warmth spread from his and travel up my arm, slowly, until it seeps throughout my body. I can't help looking at him and find his eyes dark and compassionate. It's a heady combination. And a dangerous one.
"Yeah" I tell him and move my hand to the steering wheel. "I had a good talk with Jen. She thinks I'm doing a great job but I just crossed the line with Geno. She gave me good advice too."
"Oh yeah, what's that?"
"Stay away from you guys if we lose."
Sid chuckles and replies "yeah, that's really good advice. If the team loses, especially if the team loses, and we haven't played well individually, then we blame ourselves. Geno knows that when he took that stupid penalty that he should have kept his cool and, instead, helped them win the game. He won't see all of the things that I did wrong, or Tanger or anyone else. We take the responsibility on ourselves."
Sid is very serious during his short soliloquy. It really drives home for me how seriously they take not only the game but their leadership on the team. Geno is an alternate captain and really the number two guy next to Sid. If he's not doing his best then he takes it very personally like he's not only not doing his job as a player but also as a leader.
"That must be difficult for you" I say to Sid.
"I don't know about difficult but it adds another dimension to what we deal with every day. The press want to speak to us first before the other guys. If we're not performing, then losing is our fault because we need to always produce."
"But you are human Sid. You're going to have off days."
"Sounds good in theory but this isn't just a game, right? It's a business and big money business too."
"I guess I forgot about that and have only been seeing this as a game."
"It's easy to do and there's no reason that you should see it any other way Anna."
"There is if I'm going to understand Geno. Part of my job is knowing when to keep him away from the press, when he's not able to talk to them constructively, so understanding the pressures involved will help me do my job."
"Good" he says with nod.
We continue to look at each other as the silence grows. It's not uncomfortable or weird. That is the weird part. I'm very comfortable with him. Too comfortable.
"Thanks so much for checking on me Sid. It's really helpful to understand you guys better."
"Well, yeah, I'm glad I could help. Are you going to be ok driving home?"
"Yeah" I quickly reply. I need to stop this conversation and move on. "I'll be ok."
"All right then. See you tomorrow."
"Ok, bye" I tell him and watch as he leaves.
The car feels much larger since he left but it also feels empty and like something is missing. I have to put a stop to these conversations. Why is he always around when I'm always trying to avoid him?
Author's Note: My apologies for the longer than usual wait. My best friend got married and between the wedding and taking care of her daughter while they were on their honeymoon (she's four years old), it's been quite busy in my world. I will get back on track with at least one chapter per week. Thanks for reading. I love hearing your thoughts in your comments.