TOM
It's been a week since surgery. Two weeks in the hospital total.
It's been pretty rough since her surgery last Wednesday. She's been in alot of pain and had to stay on the morphine pump longer than they had anticipated. When they tried to ween her off the pump, on day two, the pain was unbearable, rendering her immobile and in tears. It was the hardest thing you've ever had to watch. They decided to keep her on the morphine for at least two more days before trying again.
So for five days she was completely out of it, and spent almost all of her time sleeping. Waking only when she was asked to answer questions or do her breathing treatments. Another side effect was nausea and loss of appetite. They were able to get the nausea under pretty good control, but her appetite when she was awake was almost non existent. The nurses and I couldn't get her to eat for anything.
This then resulted in her losing about three more pounds. To which Dr. S insisted she have an NG-tube placed until they could either use her g-tube, or she could eat. It was an unpleasant experience, as you would expect having a tube go through your nose to your stomach would be.
She was a champ though. She always is.
On day five they managed to get her off of the IV morphine and began to manage her pain with oral medication. It still made her tired and a little out of it sometimes, but she did much better.
On day six we began physical therapy. She had been bedridden for six days so it was time to start rebuilding her strength. The first day was exhausting for her, but she did surprisingly well. She managed to walk halfway across the room and back with some assistance from the therapist and I.
She hadn't once urged me to go home. Even in her sometimes confused states. This told me she really was having a rough go of things.
She was napping after this afternoons therapy session, she managed a few more steps then yesterday. Yesterday she managed a few bites of jell-o, so today Ben had decided to stop by with soup from her favorite restaurant, and a pizza for he and I to share.
He was in town promoting a new film of his. Your friends and family have been so supportive. Your sisters have called a few times to check in and Chris and Ben had texted almost daily.
She began to stir, a look of discomfort coming across her pale face. You lean forward and place a hand on her cheek, careful not to disrupt the feeding tube taped to her cheek, speaking softly in her ear.
"Darling, is something the matter?"
She turns her head, and opened her heavy eyes and gave you a smile. It seemed genuine. The first one since she heard you call her name in recovery a week before.
"I'm just a little sore. It's nothing."
Your brow furrowed, she was always trying to be strong and not wanting to be a bother. You debated whether to press her further, or just call the nurse. Almost as if on cue, the nurse came in with a fresh dose of pain medicine.
"Hello sleeping beauty, are we ready for more pain medicine?"
She didn't answer right away, you could see she was debating on pushing herself or just giving in so she could rest. She looked up at the clock, and then back to you. "What time is Ben supposed to be here? I'd rather not sleep through his visit."
You look back at her with look of slight concern. "He will be here shortly, but if you are in pain then take the medicine. Ben will not mind at all. He is coming to just be here. Nothing is expected of you."
She purses her lips into a thin and serious line and then looks to the nurse.
"I think I would like to try and wait," She took a break to swallow, sometimes talking was difficult due to the tube that she could feel in her throat. "I will call you if I change my mind. Is that alright?"
The nurse looks to her and then to me. A look of uncertainty in her eyes.
"I think I agree with Tom, dear. But if you want to see how you hold up so you can visit, I won't argue. I will leave some enzymes here just in case you decide to join the fellas in supper. Call me when you want your pain medicine or if you need anything else." She shot me a look before leaving the room. A look that meant for me to call when I felt she had enough.
Jane stares mindlessly at the TV, a look of pain still etched on her face.
Right as you were about to argue that she should take her pain medicine, Ben rounds the corner and into the room with a pizza, a container of soup, and a bundle of flowers and a teddy bear with a "Get Well" balloon tied around it's arm.
"Knock knock," he says lightly, unsure if she was sleeping.
"Ben!" you stand to greet your friend, taking the pizza and soup from him, setting it on the table before swinging your arm around him to give him a hug. He wraps his other arm around you and gives a squeeze back.
"Thanks for coming, Ben." You can't help but smile wide. It was so nice to have someone here with you.
He gives a grin back, and his eyes move over to the bed where little Jane lay, looking over with another small, but definitely genuine, smile.
"Hello, dear." He says gently, walking over to her bed.
You take the bear and flowers from him and go to place them on a little shelf under the window on the other side of her bed.
"Hi, Ben. Thank you for coming." She said, almost coming out as a whisper. You turn from the window and see her struggling to sit up, a wince washes away her previous expression. A slight gasp escapes her lips.
You rush over to help her into a comfortable sitting position. Grabbing her upper arm and sliding a hand around her back, giving a nod to Ben to scoot her pillows upward. You're supporting almost all of her weight at this point, you can hear her breathing get heavier with the energy she's using and the pain it's causing her. She gives herself a weak scoot and you start helping her lean back against the pillows gently.
She rests her eyes a moment, trying to get control of her breathing and the pain. Ben shoots you a look of sympathy before looking back down to her.
"Sorry," she croaks. She lifts her arms to give him a hug, he leans down and wraps his arms around her so gently. Scared of accidentally harming her fragile frame.
Once their embrace is over, you sit at the edge of the bed. Seriousness takes over your tone. "Jane, how about I call the nurse for your pain medicine now? You can take it with your soup."
After looking at you with the urge to fight it, another wince goes across her face, to which she just nods.
Ben is already ahead of you, grabbing the controller and hitting the red button with the picture of a nurse on it.
The nurse rounds the corner moments later, pain medicine in hand.
She leans down to hand them to Jane, asking her the usual question. "Can you give me a number, Jane?"
She takes the pills and swallows before answering. "A six I think."
The nurse writes the answer down on her little sheet of paper that she keeps in her pocket, and then leaves the room.
Ben takes a seat in the chair beside Jane's bed. "So, are we ready to try and eat something?"
Jane gives a little smile and nods. "Yeah I've been looking forward to this soup all day. Thank you for bringing it, Ben."
"Anything for you and Tom." He places the soup and a spoon on her table in front of her, while I open the pizza box and place a few pieces on a plate.
Ben and I both can't help but watch Jane as she eats, and seems to enjoy herself, for the first time in a week. She wasn't the only one, this pizza beats any of the cafeteria food you've had in the past week.
You and Ben kill off an entire large pizza, while Jane manages to eat half of her container of soup. Her lids droop as she sets her spoon down, turning to Ben. "That was great, Ben. Thank you so much."
He smiles at her and places his hand on hers. "You're welcome. I'm glad to see you enjoyed it." She just nods before laying her head back. The pain medicine and the sitting up taking their toll, putting her to sleep just that fast.
You and Ben stand and quietly start to clean the garbage from dinner. He whispers to you as he makes his way across the room to the trash can. "So how much longer do they think she will have to be here?"
It suddenly occurs to you that the topic of home hasn't even been brought up yet. Since things weren't going as smoothly as anyone had planned, the Doctors have only been taking things one day at a time.
"Well, that actually hasn't even been discussed yet. Things have just been taken one day at a time."
He just gives a nod.
And suddenly it all just spills out.
"I assume it will be at least another week. Maybe more. She only just started getting out of bed yesterday so she has to begin to build up her strength again, which will be even more difficult considering how this she is, she has to be past much of this pain and be able to eat. We also have to be taught how to use this g-tube. They said they should be able to remove her NG-tube this weekend and try her g-tube for the first time. She also has to put on a little weight first. Right now she sits at only 81 pounds. The doctors say that is too dangerous to send her home. Honestly, I would not be surprised if we are here until her next procedure to switch out her current g-tube for the one she will have permanently. And there is so much we must learn. How to run the over night feeds, how to care for the tube everyday, and how to change it out once a month. Luckily her lungs seem to have improved from the antibiotics, but there's still alot to do before we can even think about going home."
It felt as if a weight was just lifted off your shoulders. You hadn't shared how much it was going to take to get her home, because no one had asked. Like the doctors, they just asked how she was day by day.
Ben looked at you, his mouth struggling for words. Instead he moved across the room to place a sturdy hand on your shoulders.
"Is there anything I can do? My last interview is tomorrow morning and then I am not due anywhere until next week. Are there things you need to get done? I could stay with her for a day, or do some running for you. Anything you need, Tom."
You felt as if you could burst into tears, but you sucked it all in.
"Actually, I had a meeting on Friday that I was going to push back, but if you wouldn't mind sitting with her that would be great. I could also run home and pack some fresh things and do some of the laundry we've built up. If you're sure?"
A grin crosses his face, and he nodded. "I will be here Friday morning. Take as long as you need."
You can't help but give him another quick hug.
"I think I'm going to go though, you both look as though you could use some rest. I will see you Friday morning."
"Thank you so much, Ben."
"Not a problem. You would do the same for me."
It was true, you and Ben were almost like brothers.
He walks over to give Jane a light kiss on her forehead, and then he leaves.
You head to the bathroom to change into your pajamas. It's as if you feel lighter. You walk out and head over to Jane, still sound asleep, her look of discomfort gone.
You press the button on her bed to lay it back further, you lift her head gently to adjust her pillows how she liked them and then pulled the blanket up to tuck her in. She didn't stir at all.
You shut off the lights and the TV and make yourself comfortable, as much as possible anyway, on your cot right beside her. You drift off more easily tonight, finally ready to get a proper rest.
JANE
It was Friday morning and Ben had just arrived.
He came earlier than planned once Tom realized he didn't have proper clothes for the meeting and that he had to go home to get ready.
You were still half asleep when he walked in, a box of donuts in hand.
Tom walked over to Ben and mumbled a few things to him, you weren't sure what, but you figured it was something about how to help you during today's physical therapy session.
You were still lying down, but once they got done chatting, you searched for the button on the bed that would sit you up some. You found it and Tom came over to help you adjust your pillows.
"Good morning, Jane. I brought you some of your favorite donuts." He sounded rather cheery considering the hour.
You shoot him a poor excuse for a smile and croak out a "Thanks". Sleep still thick in your voice. Your lids already feeling heavy, again.
Tom is suddenly beside you, his warm hand on your cheek. "I'm going to go now, love. I will return this afternoon. Are you certain you'll be alright?"
You nod weakly and lean forward to give him a kiss. You suddenly realized how much you missed his touch, you missed his kisses, you missed him sleeping beside you. Pulling away quickly so as not to dwell on those thoughts and causing you to change your mind about his departure.
"I'm sure. Ben will make a great nurse for the day. Go and do what you need to do, I'll be here when you get back."
He looks at you, still uncertainty in his features. He nods and straightens back up turning toward Ben now.
"Call if you need to. I will have my phone on during the meeting. Thanks again."
Ben gives him a pat on the back. "We'll be fine, Tom. No worries. She's right, I'll be a swell nurse!"
Tom turns to look at you once more before turning and making his way out the door.
Your lids start to droop again as Ben sits in a chair beside you.
"Get some more rest. I'll just watch some telly."
You don't even nod, you just obediently lay your head back against the pillows, sleep coming quickly.
You hear a beeping coming from beside your bed, and a shushing noise coming from the same place.
You open your eyes and turn your head to see Ben looking at the pump that was beeping and shushing it repeatedly.
You can't help but giggle.
He looks at you, surprise and embarrassment cross his face.
"I'm sorry, did the bloody pump and I wake you? I didn't do it I swear. I've hit the call button. I'm sorry."
You hold back the urge to laugh again. It's a wonder him and Tom aren't relatives of some sort. "No it's ok. It's beeping because the antibiotic is done. What time is it, anyways? How long was I asleep?"
The nurse rounds the corner going straight for the pump, interrupting Ben before he could answer.
"Have a nice morning nap? You're due for pain medicine again. I suggest that you do take it now, physical therapy is early on Fridays so they will be here shortly. And I saw your respiratory therapist just down the hall, so she will be in any minute now."
You were rather sore so you probably wouldn't have protested the pain medicine anyway. You nod and she gives you your pain medicine and your other morning medications before leaving.
"It's almost eleven, so you were asleep a little over four hours."
It certainly didn't feel like four hours. You could go back to sleep right now without question. You wondered when that would start to go away.
Ben's chipper voice brought you out of your thoughts.
"Would you like to try out a donut? I got your favorite, jelly filled."
You really weren't even the slightest bit hungry, but you didn't want to hurt his feelings. You decided to give it a shot.
"Yes please."
A big smile crosses his face before handing you a napkin and your jelly donut. He grabs himself a plain glazed donut and digs in. You take a small bite, the jelly dripping onto the blankets on your lap. You reach for a napkin, but Ben is already there lifting the blanket slightly to wipe the jelly from it.
"Sorry, Jane. Maybe I should have thought that through more. Do you want a different one?"
You didn't even want the one that was in your hand.
"No no it's ok. This is my favorite. Perhaps you could grab a little paper plate from over there? Tom and I always bring some."
He walks over to the stack of plates on the window sill and brings it over to you along with more napkins.
"Thank you." You muster two more small bites before you don't want to risk another bite for fear of not being able to keep it down.
In walks your respiratory therapist, the perfect excuse to not finish your breakfast. You put your plate on the table as your RT hands you your nebulizer. You're done with your morning treatment rather quick and your RT leaves.
Right after Ben stands to throw away your plate, your physical therapist walks in.
He was an average sized man, younger and sort of stocky, he had blonde hair that he spiked. His name was Robert.
"Hi Jane, are you ready for me?"
You feel a sense of dread and determination each time you saw Robert. Therapy was so exhausting, draining, frustrating, and painful. But as much as you wanted to avoid all of that, a larger part of you wanted to beat it.
You give him a nod, and he makes his way across the room. Stopping once he sees Ben. Surprise crosses his face.
"Robert this is Ben, Ben this is Robert."
Ben reaches out to shake Roberts hand, and for a moment Robert is just frozen. Clearly starstruck. The same thing happened when he had met Tom. He accidentally called him Loki after the first session. After a moment he snaps out of it and grabs Ben's hand.
"Hi Robert, I'm watching over Jane today while Tom is out. What is it that Tom usually does to help?"
Robert takes a minute to answer. "Um, just usually talking her through things, helping support her weight. That sort of thing."
Robert turned to me now.
"So today I thought we would make our little walk across the room, and then we would try sitting at the edge of the bed and maybe see what you can do with these two pound weights. Does that sound ok?"
You swallowed hard, nervous about this new challenge. Nervous to find out what little you could do with puny two pound weights.
"Y-yeah that sounds alright."
"Great!" He makes his way to the bed and Ben follows.
Robert starts to peel the blankets away from you, and instructs Ben to help you sit up. He slides his large hands down your boney back, pushing gently as you struggle to sit upright.
Once there, he keeps one hand on your back to support some of your weight, while Robert helps you to swing your legs over the side of the bed.
It truly was embarrassing to be this weak. You couldn't stand the fact that you can't control your own body.
Once your legs were dangling from the edge of the bed, Robert and Ben both move a hand to your upper arms helping to slowly hoist you up.
Your knees wobbled as you struggled to straighten all the way up. Robert slid his hand round your waist, and you took your first small step. This was only day three, but you were still frustrated that it didn't seem much easier. Your feet felt like led and your legs felt like pudding.
They both kept a tight grip on you as you slowly made your way across the room. At about halfway the pain in your abdomen started to intensify and you felt exhaustion creeping in, but you pushed on. You wanted to try and make it all the way across.
"How ya doing, Jane?"
You turn up to Robert, trying not to let the strain show on your face.
"I wanna try to make it all the way across."
He watches you a moment, studying to see if he thinks you're able. He nods after a moment and you continue on your way across the rest of the room.
Only a few more steps and you were there, everything aching in protest. Ben and Robert both looked down at you while you took the final few steps to the doorway.
Big grins reaching there faces when you did.
"Wonderful!" Ben said.
Great job!" Robert said.
You were too concerned with the trudge back to be excited. You turned to go back but your feet couldn't move anymore. You just shake your head, fighting hard to hold back tears.
Robert nods and speaks to Ben. Taking on your full weight.
"Ben, can you go get that chair from beside her bed for me?"
A look of worry flashes across his face before rushing to the chair, carrying it back and placing it in front of you quickly.
Him and Robert help to sit you down.
You just sit, closing your eyes and taking deep slow breaths in an attempt to gain control of your pain and breathing.
Ben kneels beside you, placing a hand on your knobby little knee.
After a few moments, you open your eyes again. Feeling some relief. Robert starts talking once he sees you've calmed some.
"So, how about we do a little bit with the weights right here, and then see if you can make it back to bed after a rest?"
You can't do it. You know it. Especially not without, Tom.
"I will do the weights, but I don't think I can make it back to bed. I'm sorry."
"That's completely fine. You know your limits."
He walks across the room to grab the weights, while Ben still kneels beside you. Watching you intensely.
You give Ben a smile, hoping it helps him relax a bit.
Robert brings back the weights, asking you to lift them above your head and out in front of you with your arms straight.
You manage to do that, three times each. It was difficult, but not as difficult as walking. They both tell you how good you've done before the push you in the chair back to the bed.
Robert helps to swing your legs back onto the bed while Ben adjusts your pillows and helps you to lean back. Robert speaks as he covers you back up with the blanket.
"That was such a big step today, Jane. I'm really proud of you. And wait until Tom hears! I'm not here on weekends, but I will leave instructions for the nurses on some little things to help you with."
You are fighting your lids slamming shut. Managing a nod before he turns to leave.
"Thanks for helping today, and it was such an honor to meet you!"
You can hear slight concern in Ben's tone.
"Oh no thank you, and it was nice meeting you too."
Ben shuts the door and returns to your side.
"Is there anything you need?"
You shake your head, still trying to fight off the sleep.
"You should get some rest."
Your voice comes out quiet. "No, I don't want to leave you here alone all day."
He gives a little giggle before speaking.
"You're not leaving me alone. Besides, Tom texted me that he would be back sooner than he thought. The meeting didn't go as long as he thought."
"Did it go ok?" Sudden concern in your voice.
"Oh yes things went fine. It was about a movie that is set to release three years from now or something. It's fine."
You nod as your lids start to slam shut. Unable to fight it off anymore.
"Thank you for staying with me today, Ben."
He gives a small kiss on the forehead.
"You're quite welcome."