Authors note: To the guest reviewer who asked me specifically about Africa, please please please sign in with a name so I can respond to you. There's no way to PM you under guest and I would love to have a dialogue with you! We share a lot of the same views and I would love to 'talk' to you. To everyone else, you all have been such a blessing to me! I mean that in the most non-cheesy way possible. Ultimately this story is about healing and revenge. And yes, the two are polar opposites but I just refuse to gloss over what Elena did, it was hideous even if he was 15. So many of you are like little cheerleaders and I'm so very lucky to be able to get to know you all! Cheese/Emotional rant/Over

CPOV

"Sir, we've got some news."

"It's about fucking time, Welch. I'm putting you on speaker so that Taylor can hear this, you've got five minutes before my meeting starts."

"This morning our tall red head arrived at the Bank of America in Walla Walla with a young Caucasian female. The red head was greeted by the branch manager, ushered into his private office and after a few minutes he exited, handed a teller a large envelope and watched as she counted cash and then made a deposit. We were able to confirm that the amount was 15 thousand. After the transaction was completed, the branch manager left with the women and checked into the Marcus Whitman Hotel where he and the two ladies spent almost two hours."

"Have you determined who the woman is?"

"Yes. Facial recognition software has identified her as a Pamela Wincher. I haven't found her name on any of the businesses owned by Ms. Lincoln but she has been identified as a co-signer on the account in Zurich."

"What else do we know about her?"

"She graduated from Walla Walla High in 1997 and lives in Seattle in an apartment owned by a Marc Bennett. We're running checks on that name but have come up empty handed as of yet. Outside of that, she's not currently employed and has no arrest record. Parents deceased when she was 13, sent to live with a relative until she graduated."

"And the other woman with her this morning? And where was Lincoln?"

"No information on her, sir. We followed the car back to Seattle where it parked in the garage for Escala. At that point the women entered through a side door and we lost contact. Ms. Lincoln hasn't left her house yet today, sir."

"Good. Run that down as far as you can. Where are we with Morton?"

"Squeaky clean." Shit. I blame that asshole for a hell of a lot of my headache.

Once we hang up I'm escorted inside by Idami, a 5' 11" brunette from Cuba. The sway of her hips is a bit dramatized but I've come to expect that type of behavior from some women. She could take out a whip and chains and I wouldn't look at her twice so while she prattles on in the elevator about the amazing club she'd like to take me to so that I can get a real 'taste' of Miami I flip through my pictures of Ana.

Leaving her this morning was more difficult than I thought it would be. If she were staying in the apartment I'd feel a bit better but knowing that she was going away just puts me on edge. It took four times with the alarm for me to finally peel myself off of her warm sleeping body and get ready. Actually leaving was even worse.

Instead of a quick peck like I'd thought she'd give me she woke and sat up without thinking, the sheet falling to her naked waist. If it hadn't been for Taylor knocking on the door telling me we were running almost an hour behind I would've tried for a goodbye quickie.

The company courting me is looking to go in 50/50 on a dock that primarily deals in cruise ships. It's new territory for me and not something I'm that interested in but it does seem lucrative and I have been trying to get more of an East Coast foothold. Once their presentation is completed we head out for dinner and much to my dismay, it's the company head, his wife, the chairman, his wife, and Idami.

"Mr. Grey, please, let me order for you. I'd love to expose you to some of my countries finest cuisine." As politely as I can I refuse her request, I don't want her thinking for one minute that I'm interested in her but she either doesn't get the hint or doesn't care.

Within minutes of ordering her hand strays to the seat of my chair, innocently brushing against my upper thigh. Manners call for me to ignore her so at first I do but when her nail runs the length of my leg, it's too much and I push her hand off and shoot her a look. She just smiles and licks her lips suggestively.

It's close to eleven when the limo pulls up in front of the Acqualina Hotel. Taylor, who has been up front with the driver opens the door and motions with his eyebrows for me to turn around. There on the landing behind me is none other than Idami Viverios.

"I was hoping to walk you to your room and answer any questions you may have on the project."

"I will ask any questions I have at the walk through tomorrow morning with Mr. McGuire. Goodnight, Ms. Viverios." She jumps towards me and touches my arm but Taylor moves quickly and steps between us, gently removing her hand while pushing her back and calling for a cab at the same time. The man is worth his weight in gold.

"Mr. Grey, please, sir. I think we could get so much accomplished tonight."

"Ms. Viverios, do you read the papers?"

"Yes, sir." Her face gives nothing away.

"Then you know that I have a girlfriend at home?"

"Sir, I know that, I'm not suggesting anything other than business." Taylor opens the door to the waiting cab and takes her arm as if to push her in.

"Right. I love my girlfriend and even if you just wanted to 'talk business', I still wouldn't put myself in the position of having you in my room. I will see you at the walk through. Good night." Taylor unceremoniously pushes her in the car, slams the door and walks me to the elevator.

Once inside my room I strip and shower and then call Ana. It's been a hell of a long day and I've done a lot of thinking about my talk with Elliot. I still can't believe I told him and part of me regrets it. Telling him means that I will have to tell my parents. The thought sickens me.

"Hey, baby. Did you go in your bag yet?"

"Yes, you're crazy you know that?"

"Crazy for you. I'm going to face time you on it, just prop it wherever you are and make sure you're naked." I don't wait to hear her answer I just call the iPad I stuck in her bag before leaving and wait until she answers it.

"Hi."

"Hi, this is crazy. You're across the country and I can see you in real time. Did you get the flowers I sent you?" She sent me flowers?

"What? No! Hold on, I didn't really look around." I stand and walk to the living room where there is a beautiful arrangement of tropical flowers and a card stuck in the middle. Nobody has ever sent me flowers before, in fact, outside of business, nobody has ever sent me anything.

You are trustworthy

"Anastasia, does this affirmation have anything to do with the fact that I'm away from you? Are you nervous I'd betray you?"

She blushes, even over the iPad I can see it and then gives me a small smile. "A little. I don't think you would but I mean, come on, it's Miami and you, you're YOU for gods sake!"

"Baby, there is no way I could cheat on you. Not now, not ever. I don't have it in me. Think of it this way, if I was monogamous to women with whom I had no romantic feelings for, of course I'd be faithful to the woman whom I adore!"

She flops back on what I'm assuming is her childhood bed and holds the iPad above her. Her hair is fanned out beneath her and damn if she doesn't just look beautiful.

"I know. It all comes back to me not thinking I could hold you. You are so hot, Christian and so sexy and you give off this vibe that women love. What happens when someone way prettier comes along and you're horny and I'm not around?"

"Are you seriously asking me that? What happens? I come back to my hotel room and call you or think of you. Ana, listen. I've known a lot of guys, spent a lot of time on business trips with guys who were dating and guys who were married. Either you're a man who cheats, or you're not. It doesn't matter what the chick looks like or how horny you are. You either have it in you or you don't. I don't."

"What about in a year? Or longer?" I love that she's thinking long term. It makes me hard as hell.

"OK, I'm going to tell you something and I want you to listen to what I'm saying, not imagine what could have happened. In Japan a woman came into my room and stripped naked, offered to let me do whatever I wanted. I yelled at her to get dressed and made her leave. You know why? Because she held no appeal to me. Not because she was ugly but because she wasn't you. We weren't even together and I couldn't stand to have her near me. I'm all yours baby, even when I'm not with you."

"She was naked and you sent her away?" Her eyes are huge, I just nod my head proudly.

"Yup."

"How long was she in your room?" She rolls to her stomach and 3000 miles away or not, the intensity of her anger is tangible. Well this isn't exactly how I thought this would go.

"I don't know, less than a minute. I kicked her out and called you right away." She scrunches up her face and then figures it out.

"The night we fought about Jose coming over. You had a naked woman in your room right before that?"

"Well, technically she got naked and then I kicked her out. You're missing the point, Ana." She's pissed. The view changes to the wall and then I see her sit up and start mumbling to herself but I have no idea what she's saying. I catch 'god damn whores', 'rip something apart', 'mother fucking slut'. It'd be cute if she could confirm that it's not me she's mumbling about.

"Ana?...Ana?...Ana!" Her face snaps to mine as if she forgot I was there and then she laughs and lays back down.

"I trust you, Christian. Despite your magnetic sex appeal and your sex god status, I trust you to not hurt me even if I'd never find out about it." Well thank fuck for that. "How was the rest of your day? And did anybody get naked for you tonight?" I want to do a victory lap for not allowing Idami up here now.

"Of course not. The presentation went well, we'll do the walk through in the morning and then leave after an early dinner. I wouldn't mind doing work with the chairman, he seems to have a firm grasp on what it is he wants from GEH but the project manager, a woman, is annoying as hell. I had to have dinner with her tonight, with the CEO and chairman and damn it if she didn't make me want to knock her out."

"How are you doing with everything else? We never really got a chance to talk before you left."

"No, we didn't. I don't really know what to say. I'm embarrassed that I blurted it out to him. I thought he would be ok with it in some strange way, almost proud but he was really upset. It…..was a revelation to me." A lot of what Elliot had to say hit me hard but one thing in particular keeps rolling around in my head. If I had been so desperate for touch, had I been at a crossroads? Had the thousands of hours in therapists offices finally come to a head only for me to veer off track and continue down a path of affectionless interaction?

"He came to see me today. Totally broke down in my office."

"He did?"

"Christian, he loves you. Lots of people love you. He sees this for what it was, abuse. Plain and simple. He's carried around a feeling of rejection from you for years and never knew why. In some ways it's healing for him to know why you were so isolated but in other ways it's more painful because he feels like he really failed you."

"That's ridiculous! There was nothing he or anybody could have done to stop me." She sighs and rolls to her side giving me a nice view of her cleavage. "Pull your tank top down a bit. I thought I told you to get naked." She lifts her eyes heavenward but pulls the tank down to an indecent low. "There you go." Fuck I need to get home to her.

"We're having a serious discussion here, Christian. Take off your shirt though." I grin, happy as a pig in shit and toss my white t-shirt to the end of the bed. I've never had phone sex, this will be a first. "When are you going to talk to your parents?" Or maybe not.

"I don't know, Ana. Just you asking me that makes me feel sick. There's no way they're going to take it as well as Elliot and he didn't take it all that well. I know my dad and he'll blame me and right now, I just don't think I could handle it. Telling Elliot was hard enough."

"He convinced your mom to not go to the luncheon tomorrow. Bought her tickets for a matinee show at the opera house and is taking her out for lunch first with Kate. He couldn't bear to have her spend a minute with that woman. You told him because you're ready to put this behind you. He can't carry this burden around indefinitely though." She's right, I can't put Elliot in this position for long.

I breathe out heavily and run my hand over my face, shutting the light off behind me. "How's Ray?"

"Same old same old. I was hoping he'd tell me about a girlfriend or something but nope, he's just interested in my life and going fishing in the morning. He got a new Harley a few weeks ago so we may go out on that but other than that, life hasn't changed in Montesano." Hell no.

"You are not going on a Harley, I don't care if it's with your dad or not. Fuck no." She just rolls her eyes and then rolls onto her back ignoring my demand altogether.

"You should get one, they're super hot." Is she fucking with me?

"Anastasia, did you hear me? You are not going on a damn motorcycle!" I'm already texting Sawyer who is in the room next to hers as far as I know. If she insists, he's to dismantle the damn thing so it's not drivable.

"Christian, if my father wants to take me on his motorcycle, I'm going to go. That's what we've done for years since he got his first bike when I was six. I'm not stopping now because you're afraid. I'll be careful, Ray'll be careful, we'll all be careful. I'm sure you can have Sawyer bubble wrap the road before we leave but if Ray wants to go, we're going." Now I'm getting pissed.

"Ana, you making jokes about your safety just pisses me off. You going on a fucking death trap infuriates me. You are not to go on it, do you understand?"

"Are you fucking kidding me? You're going to tell me what I can and can't do with my dad? Not a chance sweet boyfriend. I will be going and you will just have to learn to deal with it. Do you really think my father is going to put my life in jeopardy?"

"It's not him I'm worried about!"

"Are you flying back tomorrow? Because you may crash. Are you driving anywhere tomorrow? Because you may crash. Are you walking anywhere? Because you may fall. I'm with my father, I'll be fine. Now, if you're quite done, I'm tired. My crazy, overprotective, hotter than fuck boyfriend kept me up with his shenanigans last night."

"Shenanigans? I want to see your diploma."

"Goodnight, Christian, I love you." She sings and reaches for the button to disconnect.

"Goodnight, baby. No motorcycles or I will be pissed." She just waves, blows a kiss and the screen goes black.

Her refusal to do as I say has me amped up. Without her here I dread sleep and the nightmares I'm sure will return. She's been a panacea for everything that ails me. I'd rather stay up all night than face the haunting demons of my dreams alone so I busy myself by scrolling through my emails and checking up on the jewelry that Ryan will pick up for me tomorrow at Cartier. Ros and I have a few things to discuss including Agnes Perkins who, it turns out didn't use GEH to launder money. What she did do, however, was steal from me to help pay her boyfriends mounting debts. So far the auditors have discovered over $300k in journal entries to a non-posting entity and they still have two months to go.

"We can arrest her as early as tomorrow morning or we can wait until we have the investigation completed. I've got to say, Christian, I'd rather it be this way than laundering. It's almost like the more she took, the better it is for GEH. We get chalked up as victims instead of coconspirators and we help with the SEC investigation."

"Agreed. She was dumb as fuck. Did she not wonder why he pursued her? I want the auditors to look over every file in the last three years for every person responsible with the ledgers and balance sheets." I don't need to add that cost is irrelevant, Ros has worked for me long enough. "I'll call my dad in the morning with what we've got so far, have Whalen call him later in the afternoon to discuss our next move."

Two am. That makes it 11pm in Montesano. I want to call her but I don't, instead I flip through the channels on the TV and watch CNBC, listening to the idiots on there talk about how Bear Stearns is totally responsible for the financial fallout of 2008. If assholes like this are what the general public are listening to, we're doomed. Welch sends me the written report on today's happenings along with a picture of one Ms. Pamela Wincher. She doesn't look familiar to me but I study the picture anyway looking for clues.

The girl in the car with her is young, not illegal but young enough to make the 50 something banker a pervert. My guys couldn't get in the room to video whatever was going on but they were able to use an audio filter. Outside of the normal sounds of sex there was the distinct sound of a paddle and the crack of whip. I'm not surprised in the least.

I can only push away my inner thoughts for so long but eventually in the dark, alone in this hotel room in Miami Florida the weight of my admission to Elliot falls on me. He knows. The door has been opened and can't be shut now. The reality of what I need to do is terrifying. I'm 29 years old, a grown man in charge of a multi-billion dollar company and I'm terrified of telling my parents something that happened to me 14 years ago. Before the panic can set in and strangle me I call Ana on the iPad again.

She answers with a sleepy hello. Her hair is covering her shoulders and her eyes are heavy and drunk with sleep but she still smiles and reaches out to the screen.

"Hey, you ok?" Her voice is scratchy and so damn sexy I consider flying back tonight. Fuck the potential 25 million dollar deal I'm about to close, I want my girl.

"I can't sleep. Just, plug it in and prop it up against the pillow and go back to sleep, baby." There's a bit of movement as she rights it and then she blows me another kiss and closes her eyes. For at least 45 minutes I stare and watch as she breathes peacefully, desperate to tuck those stray hairs behind her ears. I don't recall falling asleep but I must have because when the alarm goes off at six am it wakes me.

I don't have the heart to wake her to say goodbye nor do I feel right just disconnecting the call so I write a note and prop it on my pillow for when she wakes up. Seeing her lie there, surrounded by frilly white bedding has to be the most comforting sight I've ever seen and even though she's not with me, her warmth surrounds me.

APOV

"Morning, Miss." Missy stands and follows me into my office, plunking herself down into one of the chairs in front of my desk, sprawled out and most definitely hung over. "I should be pissed at you for coming in hung over."

"You can't be, it was your boyfriend who did this to me!" I giggle and sit down, all in all it was a good party. Outside of Elliot and Kate nobody knows about the aftermath and the heaviness the night ended on.

"So what's your take on Christian?" Her hand waves dismissively and she lolls her head back closing her eyes.

"He's smitten. Like, pathetically smitten. It was almost nauseating." Her head slowly moves up and she levels her eyes with mine. "If you're worried about how he feels about you, Steele, you haven't been paying attention. That man is in love, in lust, in awe of you. That conversation we had about feeling inadequate? Lose it. There's no reason for you to feel that way."

"I know, it's my issue."

"Totally your issue. He had a life before you, I get it, it hurts to think someone else had your man but that's reality. You have him now and if you continue to doubt yourself, you'll drive him away."

"What did Logan think?" She scoffs and reaches for a mint from the canister on my desk.

"He's jealous as hell of him and his apartment but he's happy for you. Said the way he watches you when you don't know he's looking is proof enough that he loves you."

"I know he does." I smile because it's true. "Anyway, Matt starts on Monday so I want to get his computer and desk set up today. I also want to talk to you about a bridal shower." She groans and leans forward to hide her face. "Or just a bachelorette party. Come on, Miss, you can't get married without some sort of fanfare."

"Who would you invite?"

"Whomever you'd allow me to! Just a few of our friends, your mom, your Aunt Patty and your cousins. I'll plan everything, we can do it at my place and afterwards we can go dancing. Nothing major, I promise! Please, Miss!"

"Oh fine. We leave on the 22nd of July for Vegas so maybe the weekend of the 9th? This way we can get other shit done before we go."

"Perfect, I'll plan it all. I'm so excited!" She just laughs and walks to the door. I do the absolute minimum I have to do for work and then start calling friends and family to plan her parties. After our Friday sushi lunch I'm surprised when she pops her head in.

"Elliot's here. Wants to talk to you." I stand in a moment of panic afraid that something has happened to Christian but when he walks in he shuts the door and comes directly to me, hugging me tightly and patting my back over and over.

"I'm sorry, I just couldn't go about my day like last night never happened. Can I sit? Do you have a minute? Can we talk?" Oh boy. He looks distraught as I wave him to the chair in front of my desk before sitting myself in the one next to it.

"I'm glad you came by. I've got as many minutes as you need." He rolls his eyes and runs his hands over his hair. A family trait I guess.

"Well, then we may as well order dinner." He pauses and looks at the floor. "I didn't know. I thought he was a fucking virgin or gay for Christ's sake. My entire life with him he's been a little distant but we had good times, you know? We fought like normal brothers, pounded the shit out of each other when we were younger, ganged up on Mia, lied to our parents about what movies we were watching or what happened on the bus but then he changed. We all drank in high school, who didn't besides Mia?" I don't tell him that I didn't drink until last year.

"I invited him to a few parties and sometimes he'd come but he never connected with people. He'd be able to hang out with the guys and talk sports or even play them but he could never handle being around the girls. I guess that's why I thought maybe he was gay but looking back, I know it's because he was so afraid they'd touch him. And man did they try, he could have had sex with pretty much any chick in high school. Those looks, they didn't just come up on him recently, he was always that good looking."

"The girls loved him, Mia's friends would come over and do nothing but try to see him and he never even looked their way. I'd tease him all the time about how much pussy, sorry, he was missing out on but he'd just get pissed and tell me to fuck off. And then….he just…shut down. Totally pulled away from the family and started drinking all the time. He'd get into fights at school or on the field for no good reason and his fights weren't just a few hits. He'd draw blood, break noses, make lifelong enemies."

I want to hear every single bit about Christian that I can, especially the years that are shrouded in so much mystery but watching Elliot recount his childhood with him is hard. It pains me to hear about his loneliness but I listen intently not only to learn but to see what Elliot and I can do to ultimately help Christian.

"My parents were at a loss. The kid had everything." He finally looks up then, the blue of his eyes clouded and troubled. "Can I have one of those mints?" I quickly hand him the canister and encourage him to continue.

"I mean that, besides being insanely good looking and a fucking genius, he was a natural athlete. And problem solving? Afuckingmazing. You could hand him any issue and he'd take a few minutes, analyze it quietly and then give you the solution. That's what got him into Harvard you know, that and his rowing. Kid was a beast on the single scull." He wipes at his eyes and looks back at the floor.

"Like I said, he wasn't ever open per se, but he wasn't closed off entirely either. I left for college the summer this started. I noticed a difference in him too but I was so focused on partying and hooking up with as many girls as possible that I let it go." He sucks in a sharp breath and pinches his eyes with one hand. "I let it go."

His grief is palpable and stabs at my heart. "Elliot, you can't take this on, it's not your fault."

"No, it's not my fault it happened, but it's my fault it continued. I should have tried harder with him, I should have questioned his extreme behavior shift, I should have just taken the fucking time to ask a few questions." He looks at me directly for the first time but I have no answers for him. I have no idea what, if anything, would have stopped Christian's downward spiral.

"Elliot, what could you have done? Really? You were a teenager yourself, what could you have done?"

"I could have told my parents, I could have chained him to his bed, I could have killed that bitch." He stands, one hand on his hips and while the other pushes a fist against his forehead. "I'd love to watch her die right now. Years, Ana, for years I tried to get close to him. I wanted to have a brother that I could go to a bar with and have a beer, I wanted to have actual conversations with him that didn't involve work or our family. For years I thought it was because he was ashamed he was gay. So what did I do? I started donating money to gay rights organizations and making sure he knew about it. I embraced the music he would listen to and introduced him to a few gay friends I have thinking if I could convince him that him being gay didn't matter to me that he'd open up but...nothing."

"Now I find out that not only is he not gay, he's been involved in an extreme sexual lifestyle because she led him to believe that was all he was capable of." He starts pacing and stops to hold his hand out towards me.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a bit of kink. I've done a lot of it but you mix it in with the regular you know? It's an enhancement, not the end all. But the kink isn't what pisses me off, it's the secrecy, the dirtiness she made him feel, the shame and fear that led to his isolation. I hate her, Ana. I hate her. She took my brother from me for years."

He leans down, hands on his knees and looks right at me. "I'm taking him back. So how do we do it?"

I've already started to gather information however I can but the truth is, I've got nothing of substance yet. "Elliot, I'd love to help, but I don't know where to start. The woman hates me, that much I know so I'm just kind of waiting for her to slip up and push Christian over the edge." He snorts and takes another mint.

"Yea, if she does something to you, we'll lose him to prison. That guy worships the ground you walk on. I'm surprised he went to Miami overnight." His nervous energy and constant pacing is starting to make me anxious. "And my parents, good god my parents." He turns and points to me. "THAT, I'm pissed about. It is utter bullshit that he's allowed our parents to continue to be friends with her." He stops and checks his phone, shoving it in his pocket along with another handful of mints.

"By the way, thanks to his secrecy I'm now taking my mother out to lunch with Kate and then to a fucking opera tomorrow." He walks to the door and rests his hand on the handle. "Know this Ana Steele, I'm not finished with the bitch. I'll see you later, good talk." And with that he walks out, gives Missy a stiff wave and slams the door behind him.

"Ma'am. I've got to ask you to reconsider allowing me to drive you to your fathers." Sawyer grins and puts his hands up in defeat. "I'm only doing what I'm told to do."

"You can ride with me but I'm driving. Or you can follow but you ain't drivin'!"

"I'll navigate then." He laughs and throws his own bag in the back seat before climbing in. The paparazzi outside my office take pictures and I wave as I pull out, behind the wheel for the first time in weeks.

The open road feels great and I put on my music, letting the songs wash over me. Being with Christian is intense, all the time. There are moments of levity but overall, from his security demands to his love making, everything is intense. It feels good to be able to think at my own pace again.

Steele Translations is growing faster than I had planned so I spend the first hour on the phone with my accountant figuring out how much I can afford to spend on a new employee. Matthew Smith will help out with a huge section of the Asian languages I'm unfamiliar with but our greatest demand is coming from Taiwan and Sri Lanka. I need to hire another person and I've got to move to a larger office space. My dreams of working from the apartment are quickly fading but I remind myself that it's a good problem to have.

"Sawyer, what's up with you and Heather?" I know I'm not supposed to make friends with 'staff' but I can't think of them like that. These people know more about my life than Kate does at this point. He looks at me out of the corner of his eye and then stares out of the window. "You're huge you know that? Like Goliath big."

He laughs and takes a sip of his coffee. "I'm 6'5", you're what? 3'5"? I'm practically a giant in your view. Heather. Heather Heather Heather. She's a piece of work. I like her, I do, we had a good run but she's a bit much to take. I'm not really all the comfortable talking to you about this not just because I work for you but because she's your friend."

"You don't work for me, first of all, and second of all, yes, she is a bit much but she's a shitload of fun too." He rubs his knee and looks away.

"That she is. When we get to your dad's I'll need to meet with the team that secured the premises and then we'll need to go over any plans you may have for the weekend." Well I'm sure as hell not telling him about the Harley Ray bought a few weeks ago, I'd rather tell Christian myself so that he doesn't have time to wind himself into a frenzy.

Ray is outside to greet us as we pull in along with a man I've never seen before. As usual he comes to the car to hug me and take my bag but this time Sawyer carries them in and then meets with the team stationed here. I don't want to know anything, I just want to visit with my dad and sleep in my old bed.

After I make dinner for everyone Ray and I catch up on the front porch with unsweetened ice tea and store bought cookies just like when I was living here.

"How's life in the castle?" My cheeks burn at the insinuation that I'm staying with Christian which alludes to the fact that we have sex.

"It's….good. Why do you think I'm staying there? I do have my own apartment you know."

"Yea, that you haven't been at since I was there. He's a good guy, Annie, he very clearly loves you and very clearly wants to protect you but you need to make sure that in the whirlwind of new love that you don't lose yourself. His life is a lot to take on, I've seen the photos and read the articles. Pisses me off no good scum sucking bottom feeders but that's not what I worry about. I worry about you feeling like you need to perform for the world."

"I don't feel like I need to perform, I feel like I need a face transplant and about nine extra inches." He laughs and takes a long drink.

"Stupidest thing I've ever heard you say. You know why a man like Christian Grey falls in love? Because he meets someone who challenges him and can hold a conversation with him. You're a beautiful girl, Annie, stunning even if you don't see it and that may be what he first saw but it's not what made him fall in love." His big hand reaches over and taps my head. "This is."

It's an awkward conversation to have with your dad but I have no one else to ask. "Yes, I know that, but how can a girl like me keep a guy like him? He'll meet smarter women, someone else who will challenge him, there will always be someone prettier or whatever….."

"Annie girl. You are a treasure, somebody to be cherished and loved and taken care of and he sees that in you. When a guy like him makes a decision, that's the end of it." He snorts, "Trust me, I've known a lot of guys who appeared to be good but then you get them away from the wife and they're just another scum bag. But he's not like that. You need to love yourself, Anastasia, your biggest problem is you."

When he says my full name like that I know he's serious and I always want to cry. I sometimes think about my birth father and wonder what life would have been like with him around but then I get moments like this with Ray and as much as it hurts to have never met the man my mom says I look so much like, I wouldn't trade this for anything.

"You'll come out for a ride tomorrow?" He slaps my leg as he stands to go back in signaling that he's done. For a taciturn man he sure packs a punch when he does speak.

"Wouldn't miss it."

The next morning is sunny and hot and even though I'm surrounded by the momentoes of my youth and the comforts of home I feel a pang of sadness when I see his note on the iPad screen. I write out my own note and prop it on my pillow. Hopefully he'll pack his stuff up and see it himself but just in case I take a photo of it for him.

You are loving

I'm a bit nervous to get on the motorcycle after Christian's riot act last night but I'll be damned if he's going to run everything in my life. Sawyer looks like he's about to pass a kidney stone but he waves us off and follows in Ray's truck to my dad's favorite fishing hole. We take the long way and cruise around town, stopping to get coffee and lunch for later. It's a bit embarrassing to have Sawyer or the other guy, Dennisson sweep a damn deli before we can go in to order.

Fishing is not my thing so after I cast a few obligatory lines in and ooh and ahh over whatever new lures he has I recline on the deck and begin to read a new book. My cell rings at one and I answer immediately knowing it's Christian.

"Hi!"

"Did you go on the damn motor cycle, Ana? After I told you not to?" I pull the phone away as if it were a foreign object and look at it for what I don't know but surely something has to explain the venom on the other end.

"I'm sorry, what?" I can hear his teeth mash together as he grits out his carefully chosen words.

"I said, did you go on the damn motorcycle, Ana? After I told you not to?" I will choose to ignore his tone.

"I did. It's a 1967 Harely Softail. Purrs like a kitten between my legs." That should shut his ass up for a minute.

"Like a vibrator?" My eyes roll into the back of my head. So predictable.

"Mmmhmm. You should get one."

"Baby, I've got a whole drawer full of vibrators for you at home. But if you're talking about a cycle, not a chance in hell. I would never endanger you like that."

"I'm fine, Christian. It's a 20 minute drive back and then I'm making dinner and heading back to the apartment."

"Have Sawyer drive you back to Rays in the car. I don't want you on that bike, Anastasia. And remember to wear only what I've laid out for you." Eye roll again.

"Yes, sir."

"I can't fucking wait. You know what I miss besides, well, all of you? The way your body bends to me when I hold you close and the way my face fits in that hollow between your neck and shoulders so perfectly. It's like you and I were made for each other." And this man said he couldn't do hearts and flowers.

"I miss you. Are you leaving soon?"

"A few hours. I'm going to work on the plane so we can spend the day together tomorrow. Gia is coming at 9 and then we'll meet Elliot and Kate for brunch but the rest of the day is ours. I'll be going to your Pilates class by the way since we'll be leaving for Aspen right after."

Christian, at Pilates again? What could possibly go wrong?

Back at my dad's I throw the chicken on the grill along with the asparagus and corn and then run upstairs to pack up. I hate leaving my dad but I admit, I really miss being at Escala. I had thrown the car keys into the abyss that is my purse when we got here and one look inside was all it took to dump the whole thing out and clean it.

Immediately a small brown envelope catches my eye. I've got a few pieces of mail in here including bills that passed the GEH screening but this particular envelope only says, 'Ana, private' on it. It wasn't mailed, it has no return address and no postmark. The blood rushes to my ears but I can still hear Sawyer in the room below me so I close the door after calling for Ray to flip everything on the grill.

Using a pen I slit the top open and dump out the contents onto my bed. Fourteen photographs of young women with long brown hair and alabaster skin and one picture of an older blonde. Fourteen plus one. These are his submissives. A lone piece of paper floats to the bed, on it a note written in script.

Notice a pattern here? Not so special anymore are you?

My feet feel numb and my legs bend beneath me but it's my heart the gives out. I fit the physical profile of these women, he chose me because I looked like them. That old familiar feeling of naseau rises again but I beat it down and gather the pictures in a pile. On the back of them are names, I read a few and then stop. Imagining him calling them by name is not going to make things any easier.

Downstairs the table is set and Sawyer is helping Ray bring in the food. He'll be eating with us, at my insistence and then we'll be leaving. I do my best to keep dinner fun and light and I must to a good job because Ray doesn't seem to notice anything amiss. When we say goodbye I tear up but that's nothing new. The minute I put the car in drive I pounce.

"Sawyer, do you think I could stay at my place tonight?" His head jerks around to me in shock.

"No! Hyde is still out there and while it's secure it's not ideal. Is there a problem, Ms. Steele?"

"Ana. My name is Ana and no, there's no problem." I crank the volume up and hit my metal playlist. Pantera, Judas Priest and Metallica drown out any conversation I may have had with Sawyer but if I speak, I'm either going to throw up or cry. Inside I'm seething with rage but outside, other than a slightly higher than normal speed, I'm cool as can be. How? How did those pictures get in my bag? It had to be Elena but she's not allowed near me.

Except for Monday. We drove the Spyder on Monday and then I spilled my purse yesterday and shoved everything in it. Could she have left this in the car on Monday? Surely he would have locked it but what if he hadn't? She came in after all of us and left before any of us and it was parked in the privacy of his parents gated driveway. If not then, when? I think of little else outside of how the pictures came to me and why we're all the same. By the time we're at Escala I'm agitated enough to stomp in the apartment and throw my bag into the closet. I've got a good two hours before Christian gets home to dwell on the latest mind fuck.

After a shower in which I scrubbed my skin so hard it turned red, better than alabaster, I pulled my hair into a ponytail and put on yoga pants and a tank top. On the bed is a beautiful platinum necklace with two dozen emeralds in tear drops. Nothing else. So he wants me to wear this and nothing else. He can go scratch tonight. The necklace stays on the bed, untouched and ignored.

Half a bottle of wine later I take out the pictures and spread them on the breakfast bar. I don't want these women in our bedroom. I torture myself and look at each one. Two have green eyes, three have blue and the rest have brown. They are all beautiful. Each of them much prettier than me and much more accustomed and interested in his sexual appetites. I hate them and now I know their names.

At precisely 10pm Christian walks in, tie missing, his shirt open at the collar and his eyes wary. Sawyer must have texted him about my strange behavior. Is nothing private?

"Ana, are you alright? Sawyer told me you seemed upset on the drive home." He comes closer but I stop him and ask him a very simple question.

"Is there anything about your former submissives that you want to tell me? Anything that you think I should know? Any particular reason you chose the ones you did?" He looks confused for a minute, his arms out as if he's about to be crucified before he realizes what I'm getting at.

"Why are you asking me about them? Did one of them approach you?" Anger flashes across his face as his hand reaches for his phone to call Taylor.

"Don't call anyone! No, none of them approached me but if they did, I'd know them right away. I'd know Lillian by her blue eyes and brown hair. I'd know Courtney by her green eyes and brown hair. I'd know Rosanna by her brown eyes and brown hair. Sensing a theme here? Me too."

"How do you know their names?" I step away then and wave over the pictures just like Vanna White does.

"Your past. In blues, greens and browns. All browns. Except for one." His eyes grow huge when he sees the pictures in front of him. It takes him less than a second to sweep them up and flip them over before turning his face to me. He looks utterly terrified.

"Why are they all brown haired women, Christian? All but her. Do I just fit the profile so well and I just happen to be so naïve that you think you can mold me into one of them?"

CPOV

Heat, wild and feverish blankets me as panic sets in. Breathe, I need to breathe but I can't, my lungs are frozen along with my face and my mind. There is a low whistling sound in my head but the catch in her voice as the tears start calls be back into my hellish reality.

"Ana." It's all I can manage right now and it's not good enough, I'm just not good enough. And now she knows it.

"What? Ana what?" The truth, Grey, just tell her the truth.

"I…I…don't know what to say." That tiny sweet body of hers turns and marches towards the bedroom and I collapse to my knees, unable to bear my own weight as the emptiness of a life without Ana engulfs me. "Ana!" She turns and rushes back, falling to her knees in front of me.

"Are you alright, Christian?" Even in her despair she cares about me. Her face looks anxious and strained. You've done this to her you sick fuck. You took this strong beautiful woman and have literally brought her to her knees in tears.

"No. I'm not alright. I'm totally fucked up, Ana. Those women," my hand waves up at the breakfast bar where the images of my conquests lie face down on the marble, "they represent just how sick I am." My head falls into my hands, the last of my control draining from me when she runs her own hands over my hair. An angel.

"Just tell me, Christian. Haven't you realized what secrets have done to you? To your family? Don't do this to us. I love you but I can't live in a world where secrets linger behind every door. I cannot always be waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"You deserve so much more than me. You should be with a normal guy who's biggest secret is the stash of porn in his night table drawer. You deserve so much better than me." She sobs then and covers her own face in her palms.

"Christian, just tell me, please." She deserves to know. Look at her! Look what you've done to her!

"Ana...I like to beat brown haired light skinned women because they remind me of my birth mother and I fucking hate her. I…I thought that I was a sadist but I know now that I'm not but it doesn't make me any less fucked up."

Her entire body stills, her eyes getting impossibly bigger and impossibly sadder. "You want to beat me then? Because I look like your mother?" She covers her mouth with her left hand. I've imagined a diamond ring on her finger so many times that I almost see it but then realization sweeps over me and leaves me feeling hollow and empty. It will never happen now. She will leave and marry someone else and have children with him and I will live here, alone and forsaken until I die.

"Christian? I remind you of your birth mother? A woman you just said you hated?"

"No!" Fuck! She moves back a bit, afraid of me for the first time since I met her. "I do not want to hurt you, Ana! Ever! I would kill someone who harmed you. You are the reason I know I'm not a sadist!" She snorts and wipes her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Is that why you pursued me? Because I had long brown hair and alabaster skin?"

"In the beginning...I've told you this already, Ana." She sits on her heels and waits. "I wanted you from the start, when I saw you, it was like my entire world became miniature except for you. Suddenly I hated being here alone, I hated being alone at all. I just wanted to be with you and yes, I first thought that if I could just fuck you I could get you out of my system but before we ever touched I learned how ridiculous that was. You ARE my system, you became everything to me overnight." I know I sound desperate but she's listening so I will keep talking, anything to keep her here.

"I knew I had to tell you about my past because what I want with you is bigger than what was done to me. I want it all with you, everything, and I have since day one, it just took me a few weeks to accept it. Loving you has literally brought me to my knees and it makes me happier than anything in the entire world."

"This is me, Ana, all of me and it's all yours. Every single cell in my body craves you, every single thought in my head begins and ends with you. You own me, body and soul, you always have. My entire life I was looking for you, I just didn't know it."

We're both still on our knees when she reaches out and wipes a tear from my own cheek. I didn't feel it fall, didn't feel it run down my skin but her finger scorches me.

"If you leave me, it will end me. I am nothing without you, Anastasia." She sighs and cups my face, kissing me softly as fresh tears fall from my eyes. Her love has obliterated me, stripped me naked and exposed the soft underbelly of emotions I didn't know that I possessed.

"I'm not leaving you, Christian. I love you just the same. That night I gave you my virginity, I knew then that you would always live within my heart. I made the choice to love you then and I still do. But I need to know, right now, if there is anything else that can cut me like this. Is there anything else that she can use to damage us?" My mind works overtime to think but all I can hear is her words, 'I'm not leaving you.'

"You're not leaving?" She sits up and presses my face to her chest, my arms wrapping around her waist. She smells so good, I have thought of nothing but feeling her against me for two days now.

"No, I'm not leaving." She cradles my head softly and a tearless sob escapes my chest, the pressure of loss finally relieved. "But I need to know, what else is there? Please, trust me enough to tell me everything, finding things out like this is killing me." What else can Elena possibly use against me, against us?

"Money, I gave her money to find and train my subs. $100k for each of them, fourteen in all." I brace myself but this seems to not phase her at all. "There are most likely pictures of me as a kid with her and other women. I know there are pictures of me in the clubs in Boston, some of the things I was doing are...harsh, nothing from my list of hard limits but harsh enough."

"That's it? Money and pictures?"

"That's all I can think of." I cross my heart and hold up my hand making her giggle through her tears. It's the most beautiful sound in the entire world and cracks my chest wide open igniting a sense of peace that I didn't know existed. She's staying.

"I'm tired, Christian." She looks up and blows the hair from her tear stained face. She is so fucking beautiful it hurts to look at her. "Take me to bed, please." She rests her head against my chest as I carry her to the bathroom, relishing the mundane joint tooth brushing. She's staying.

With a grin I pee in front of her and laugh when she scrunches up her face and rolls her eyes.

"Ana, you know all my deepest secrets, a little pee isn't going to break us at this point. Now you go." She walks over and scrutinizes me before pushing me towards the door.

"You think I'm going to go to the bathroom in front of you after seeing those super models you used to bang?"

"Bang?"

"Bang. Now get out." I wait at the door and carry her to the bed where she reaches for the emerald necklace waiting there. "I'm sorry I didn't wear it. It's beautiful."

"Tomorrow, you can wear it tomorrow." She curls her face into my neck and sighs, pushing her body closer once we're lying down with our arms wrapped around each other tightly. I don't give a shit that she didn't put the necklace on, I don't care that it cost $80k or that the emeralds were flown in from Russia on a private plane. All I care about is that this amazing, strong, independent, head strong woman is lying in my arms.

All I care about is that she's staying.