(AN: Sorry it's been so long since I've updated... well, anything! But I promise you, I will finish this. This is the lightbulb in the darkness that is my first-world problems)
Monokuma glanced around the room, trying to figure out who he should pick next. If he could have worn a slasher smile, this would have been the perfect moment. But being a robot teddy bear who already has half of a slasher smile on his face, Monokuma just skipped towards the group of students, turning on his dub voice.
"Good morning everyone! Let's make this day into the best day it can be!" The reactions were even better than expected. But Monokuma pretended to ignore their cries of pain. "Let's have… Ikusaba, um, Ishimaru, and Miss Yasuhiro! Yes!"
Celes was obviously the least excited about this. "You cannot make me read that piece of shit, and I would rather blind myself than subject myself to it."
Monokuma paused for a second, remembering Celes little 'breakdown' and guessing the odds of the chances of it happening again. Apparently the odds were low enough, since Monokuma presented the laptop to her with a flourish, "Have fun!" and disappeared underneath the floorboards.
*'**"***"**'*
Celes: Does anyone want to explain why Monokuma's voice changed?
Ikusaba: I heard about it, I didn't think it would be that awful, but sis calls it the "Dub Voice of Death and Despair".
AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz!
Ishimaru: The spelling is still awful, it hurts trying to understand it.
Ikusaba: Don't worry about it. The content is just as bad.
Ishimaru: How is that supposed to make me feel better?
raven u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis!
Celes: What a wonderful way to talk about your friend. I imagine she appreciates you too.
Ikusaba: I can imagine her getting annoyed at her friend, but why post this where everyone on the internet can see it?
BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese!
Ishimaru: I'm confused…
Monokuma: Well, being dead breaks a lot of barriers, language being one of them. Don't worry, she uses it out of context, and it's grammatically incorrect!
Celes: I'm thrilled.
Ishimaru: Why is everyone becoming sarcastic? It makes it harder to understand after deciphering this mockery of all wordly order.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
We ran happily to Hogsmede. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly.
Ikusaba: I am getting frustrated by this story's stupidity. There is no hope or end in sight. I am frustrated by this story.
Celes: That was bit funny, there might be hope for you after all.
MCR were there playing 'Helena'. I was so fucking happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures.
Ishimaru: This part doesn't sound too bad, expletives and spelling aside…
Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother.
Celes: No way could a horrible person like you could ever earn the respect of someone like Draco, much less let you warp his personality beyond comprehension! Besides, at the end Draco gets married and has a kid, I'm pretty sure that means he's straight!
Ikusaba: But did she know that when she wrote this?
Celes: Actually, since Dumbledore is still around… you might have a point. But don't defend that piece of shit author ever again, okay? *small giggle*
I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants.
Ikusaba: Hey, why aren't you yelling about their clothes, Ishimaru?
Ishimaru: They are off school grounds and so school rules don't apply. But honestly, I still don't think it is appropriate.
Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched.
Celes: I'm pretty sure that isn't a verb, you ignorant little twat.
Ishimaru: So they're speaking in French to each other?
Celes: That's a lot better than what she probably meant.
We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive.
Ikusaba: Wait, they're going to jump onto the stage? Isn't that illegal?
Celes: I thought stage-diving was when the band jumps into the crowd.
Ishimaru: Both of those sound very dangerous and risky.
Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,…..
Celes: Oh dear, this sounds like every other 'big reveal' scene she's done so far.
Ikusaba: Wait, if the band isn't real, they were probably lip-synching, right?
Celes: I suppose. Why do you ask?
Ikusaba: Um… I don't know.
Volsemort and da Death Dealers!
Ishimaru: Dealers? Like what, a car dealer?
Celes: Imagining Voldemort as a used car salesman is quite amusing, but not as amusing as a rock band member, but both images are slightly disturbing and very wrong.
Ikusaba: "This car over here costs only 3 dead muggles, quite a bargain, right?"
Celes: That's… surprisingly accurate.
Ikusaba: Fujisaki was trying to give some of us a crash-course, some things stuck.
"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them"
Celes: … What?
Ikusaba: I second that.
Ishimaru: Third. What just happened?
Ikusaba: A flashback?
Celes: Let's go with that.
"What cause we…you know…" he gadgetted uncomfortbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what.
Ikusaba: Not in my experience.
Celes: Agreed. Boys can quite vulgar, I'm thinking of someone in particular…
Ishimaru: I'm still not quite so sure what she means by 'you-know-what'.
Celes: I'm obviously not referring to Ishimaru.
"Yeah cause we you know!" I yielded in an angry voice.
Ikusaba: This is a little ridiculous. Can't she just say the word?
Celes: Not to mention that she 'yielded'.
Ishimaru: *flips through plot device dictionary* Which means she… gave up?
"We won't do that again." Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT."
Celes: What adult would want to escort you two? Though they do need one.
Ikusaba: Maybe it's Dumbledore?
Celes: Doubtful, she hates him too much.
Ishimaru: Hagrid?
Celes: He's a student in this, so maybe.
Ikusaba: What was it… McGoggle?
Celes: Possibly
"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?" I asked.
Ishimaru: I am simply tired of these acronyms. Not everyone knows what they mean.
Ikusaba: Not to mention lazy.
Celes: I get it. We all hate her, let's move on.
Ikusaba: I thought you hated her the most.
Celes: We're. Moving. On.
"So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?"
Ishimaru: A Christina? Is that the name of a new clique? Or did he change his name?
Ikusaba: I think it's "Christian", like the religion.
Ishimaru: But there's nothing wrong with being Catholic.
Celes: On the internet, those are fighting words.
Ishimaru: Huh? Why would people hate each other for having different beliefs that all just boil down to trying to be a good person?
Ikusaba: Umm…
"NO." he muttered loudly.
"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd angrily.
Celes: Shooted? What, can you fire bullets out of your mouth?
Ikusaba: That could actually be useful.
Ishimaru: It sounds dangerous and against school regulations!
"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Da world is black' by GC to me.
All three: …
I was flattened cause that's not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!
Ikusaba: Maybe he just likes the song a lot, not everything's about you. That reminds me of another song… how did it go…
Celes: It sounds like a steamroller crushed her, since she was 'flattened'. It's a very satisfying image.
Ikusaba: ~You're so vain… You think this song is about you~... That's all I remember.
Celes: That is chillingly accurate. Shame you don't know the rest.
Ishimaru: Maybe Maizono knows?
Ikusaba: I don't know if I should ask her, I think she's had it up to here with Ebony.
*In the distance* It's Enoby!
"OK then I guess I will have to." I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room.
Ishimaru: Frenched is still not a word!
B'loody Mary was standing there.
Celes: Not you again. She can take that unnecessary apostrophe and shove it right up-
Ishimaru: I will not have that sort of talk here!
Ikusaba: -right up her nose. Is that better?
Ishimaru: I guess…
Celes: Ikusaba, dear, you really need to be more creative with the things you say.
"Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in japanese).
All three: …
Ishimaru: That's not what it means.
Ikusaba: That's kind of offensive.
Celes: You don't say 'Nice to meet you' to your friend. Don't pretend to know things you don't you weeb piece of shit.
Ikusaba: It takes three seconds to look these things up on the internet.
"BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)
Ishimaru: I would think that this is a horrible way to treat a friend!
Celes: It is. I would be outraged but I stopped caring a while ago.
Ikusaba: Yeah right, and Dumbledore's straight.
"It serves that fuking bich right." I laughed angrily.
Celes: This are terrible things to say, not to mention that Raven is probably the only one who read this.
Monokuma: Actually, this is surprisingly popular!
Celes: There's no point in lying to the deceased.
Ikusaba: She's right. Nobody would want to read this.
Monokuma: It has it's own TVTropes page!
Ishimaru: Huh?
Monokuma: Though they seem to share the opinion that this work of genius is 'so bad it's almost beautiful, but ultimately, still very bad.'
Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed.
Ikusaba: I thought they were gloating over the expelled 'friend'.
We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas.
Celes: That's not gothic in any shape or form.
Ikusaba: But isn't it a Tim Burton movie? They typically are a bit 'gothic'. Dealing with death a lot and whatnot.
Celes: I suppose, but they belong in a category all their own.
"Maybe Willow will die too." I said.
Ishimaru: What kind of friend are you?
"Kawai."
All three: …
Ikusaba: How is that cute in any way?
Ishimaru: And she spelled it wrong, too.
B'loody Mair
Celes: If you're going to make up stupid names for characters with perfectly good names, then SPELL IT RIGHT!
shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly.
Ishimaru: *flips through dictionary* Assuming she meant to spell 'lethargically' with means sluggish, slow, or apathetically, then Ebony made an oxymoron.
Ikusaba: She puts the moron in oxymoron.
Celes: That was about as bad as one of Monokuma's bear puns.
"Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak."
Ikusaba: ...What? What does this sentence even mean?
Celes: Her friend killed her other friend, does that sound familiar to anyone?
Ishimaru: That is out of line!
Celes: Well hit me on the head with a hammer if it isn't true.
Ishimaru: Why you…
Ikusaba: Calm down you two. No need to get fired up about this-
Celes: Stay out of this!
Monokuma: Seeing such dear classmates fighting is just crushing!
Celes: Shut the hell up, Monokuma!
Ikusaba: Nobody commenting on that Lupin 'did it' with a corpse?
Celes: No.
"Kawai." I commnted happily .
Celes: HOW IS THAT CUTE IN ANYWAY YOU INSUFFERABLE BITCH! DOING UNSPEAKABLE THINGS TO THE DECEASED IS DISRESPECTFUL, NOT TO MENTION DEPRECATING IN EVERY WAY!
Ikusaba: Can't be any worse than what happened to Matsuda…
Ishimaru: Who?
Ikusaba: How can you forget about him? He went to Hope's Peak? Neurologist? Upperclassman?
Celes: Not ringing any bells.
Ikusaba: Junko's… *ahem* boyfriend?
Ishimaru: What?!
Ikusaba: Long story. If I were to write it down it would take up two books.
We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie.
Ishimaru: Talking in silence? How does that work?
Ikusaba: Telekinesis?
Celes: That form of causal mental communication doesn't exist in the Harry Potter universe.
Ikusaba: I don't think Ebony cares about any sort of rules.
"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr." I sed. " I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA."
Ikusaba: I think my brain cells are dying.
Celes: They will be missed, along with my dignity.
B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping."
Ishimaru: She needs to learn a lesson. Grammar 101: Capitalization.
Celes: Did you just make a joke?
Ishimaru: No. Is that bad?
Ikusaba: No, no, just… surprising.
"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.
"No." My head snaped up.
'WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?"
Celes: There is more than one store in the universe you self-centered pig!
Ikusaba: Also, nobody cares about the Goth vs. Prep social battle. I mean, Gofic vt.. Prepz
"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all."
"Hu told u abut them" I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don't even SAY that nam to me!).
Ikusaba: Besides the obvious failings in basic grammar, why is she mad at Vampire? And she just said his name.
Or me.
Ishimaru: How would you not know if you told your friend about some stores?
"Dumblydore." She sed. "Let me just call our broms."
Celes: What? Dumbledore? How does that make sense?
"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly.
Ishimaru: That is not speaking quietly! When indoors, shouting is not necessary as it can cause a disturbance!
Celes: You saying that is as hypocritical as that sentence.
"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." She told me. "Come on let's go."
Ikusaba: When was she in his office? Hopefully she was getting expelled or something.
Celes: We are not that lucky.
We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade.
Ishimaru: Can a human being even produce such horribly structured sentences?
Celes: The majority of us believe Monokuma wrote it.
Monokuma: I would only wish to be that despairingly talented!
The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE and he gave me a few dresses.
Ikusaba: Wouldn't it be easier to say, "almost as hot as Gerard"? Bleh, my mouth feels nasty just saying that.
"We only have these for da real goffs."
"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked.
"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man!
Ishimaru: Let me get this right. You only sell 'goff' merchandise for 'real' 'goffs' but the only way to prove you're a 'real' 'goff' is to have 'goffic' stuff already. This seems to work on the same concept popularity does.
Celes: That is absolutely right.
Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera."
Ikusaba: Why would random sales guy know if they had a camera or not?
"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!"
Celes: Jumping to conclusions, much?
Ikusaba: ~You're so vain~
I cried, running out of the changing room
Ishimaru: Wait, when did she get into the changing room?
Ikusaba: I don't think it matters.
wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.
"Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said.
Celes: Ha ha, replacing God with Satan, because they're Satanists. How charming.
Ikusaba: I don't think there is a God in that world.
Celes: That would explain so much and so little.
"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary.
"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit.
Ishimaru: I'm pretty sure that any stores' employees are not allowed to do that.
Celes: Not to mention doing that regularly would run them out of business.
Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked.
"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA way what's yours?"
Ishimaru: Why is her name capitalized in the middle of her character's name?
Ikusaba: I think because her name was Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way, Raven, like her friends name, the friend that she hates now.
"Tom Rid."
Celes: WHAT?! WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?! WHY ON EARTH-
Ishimaru: Who is he?
Ikusaba: If I remember correctly, someone said that Tom Riddle is Voldemort's real name or something.
Celes: Exactly. WHICH IS WHY HE SHOULDN'T BE HERE! HE NEVER GOES BY THAT NAME! HE HATES IT!
Ishimaru: Why would someone hate their own name so much?
Celes: It's a long story. A STORY MUCH BETTER THAN THIS PIECE OF GARBAGE!
He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "maybe I'll see you there tonight."
Celes: For your information, Voldemort is bald, there wouldn't be any hair to dye! And secondly, if this the Tom that showed up in the flashback in the Chamber of Secrets, HE HAD NATURALLY DARK HAIR! NO NEED TO DYE IT THAT STUPID EMO-BLACK!
"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!" I yelled angrily,
Ikusaba: He just said he might see you there! He doesn't know if you're dating, single, lesbian or anything else! This is an ego that can rival Junko's!
but before he could beg me to go with him,
Celes: Beg? Beg? Let me make this clear. Tom Marvolo Riddle, the most evil and famous wizard of all time would DIE A MILLION FUCKING TIMES, OVER AND OVER AGAIN, THEN BEG A WHORE LIKE YOURSELF FOR ANYTHING! HE WOULD KILL YOU THE MOMENT THAT YOU SHOWED THAT SHITTY COCKY FAKE WANNABE GOTH SMILE AT HIM! I PROMISE YOU, YOU LITTLE *Monokuma: Calm down!* YOU SON OF A *Isn't Ebony a girl?* I'M GOING TO TEAR OFF YOUR *Don't you dare have another hissy fit, I'm the headmaster!* AND SHOVE THEM RIGHT UP YOUR *Calm your curls Celes!* AND THEN *Stop! Stop!* ON YOUR *Ishimaru: Classmate! This is highly inappropriate language!* WITH *Monokuma: Even Owada would want to wash your mouth out with soap!* IN THE *Ikusaba: This is almost impressive* AND *Monokuma: I remember why I left her out for a few chapters* YOUR *Ishimaru: I'm afraid that even though your actions are justified, I might have to take disciplinary action!* SO THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO FUCK SIDEWAYS YOU SMUG LITTLE C- *Monokuma: Stopping you right there! We have standards!*
Monokuma: Even for the dead, duct tape is still very effective. Now finish it!
Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!"
Ikusaba: Not much to say. Just seems like something stupid happened at the castle.
Celes: *mmmghfh*
Ishimaru: It's over… right?
Ikusaba: For now.
Monokuma: T-t-t-that's all folks!