Chapter 17
(AN: I just want to give kudos to the person who figured out Celes' cursing was indeed from Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged. The other long cuss was the "elder swear" from the Potter Puppet Pals. Also, I'm saving pretty princess Sakura for Chapter 20)
"No, definitely a Hufflepuff."
"Hey, guys!" Monokuma said cheerfully, "Whatcha doing?"
"Um, well," Fujisaki said, "We were bored, so we were trying to decide what house everyone would be in."
"Fun topic! What have you figured out? Upupupu…"
"Let's see…" Fujisaki tried to recall, "I was Ravenclaw, Owada and Ishimaru were Gryffindor, Ikusaba was Hufflepuff…"
"HA! Because she's worthless, right?" All Ikusaba could do was glare at Monokuma for that comment.
"Because she's loyal!" Fujisaki tried to be assertive with the proclamation, and it worked, to a certain extent. "Maizono's also a Hufflepuff,"
"Nah, totally Slytherin." Monokuma interrupted. "Anyways, I'm here, and you know what that means!" Everyone groaned. "Leon, Owada, and Yamada! Let's give it everything we got!"
*'**"***"**'*
Leon: … Yay… Back to this shit with Enoby.
AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! if ur a prep den dnot red it!
Yamada: I don't think any of us qualify as a… 'prep'.
u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage. if ur not den u rok.
Owada: I bet the questions are really stupid.
Leon: Which is better, pink or black? MCR or Miley Cyrus? Hot Topic or… um…
Yamada: Yaoi or Yuri?
Leon: Argh, gross, man! But yeah, lame stuff. I bet all the questions are misspelled too.
if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF!
Owada: If you're going to tell people to fuck off, then fucking do it right.
pz willo isn't rely a prep. Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr!
Leon: What's this crap?
Yamada: It's more evidence that Tara is an idiot.
Leon: We have enough evidence to convict her of idiocy of the 1st degree.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Tom Riddle gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free.
Yamada: I'm sure the dark lord Voldemort does this on a regular basis.
He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual).
Owada: Why do we give a shit about what he prefers to bang?
Leon: Not to mention… how does she know that? That stuff's usually private. Private. ... Get it?
Owada: Goddamn it, that's terrible.
Yamada: Even I have standards.
Hargird kept shooting at us to cum back 2 Hogwarts.
Leon: … What was that about standards?
Yamada: The author clearly has problem.
"WTF Hargrid?" I shouted angrily. "Fuck off you fjucking bastard."
Owada: How the fuck did that j get in there?
Yamada: I think it's because the j key is near-
Owada: That was a, what do ya call 'em, a rhetorical question?
Well anyway Willow came. Hargird went away angrily.
"Hey bitch you look kawaii." she said.
Leon: Do girls really say that to each other?
Yamada: Even I know the answer's no.
"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's really pretty and everything.
Owada: What's so sad about that sentence? She just slaps whatever crappy emo feeling whenever.
She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz.
Leon: God damn it. We don't care!
She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything.
Yamada: She seems to like her friend a lot…
Owada: You better not be thinking anything weird…
Yamada: I'm just saying they're close… friends.
She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic.
Leon: That's not good.
Owada: Yeah, that shit's nothing to joke about.
"So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?" she asked.
"Yah." I said happily.
Leon: Is it bad that I don't remember whatever shit plot is going on?
Yamada: No it isn't because this is, as everyone else wonderfully puts it, a "crapton piece of shit".
Owada: That's just stating the obvious.
"I'm gong with Diabolo." she anserred happily. Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came.
Owada: Who's Diabolo? What does that even mean?
Yamada: Diabolo is supposed to be Diablo, the Spanish word for devil, but I think it's Ron.
Owada: Which one's that?
Leon: The redhead, right?
Yamada: Yeah, and his hair is actually natural, unlike some people.
Owada: Oooohhhh, that was sick! You might not such a bad guy after all.
They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2.
Leon: I can assure you that neither of you are hot.
Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said '666' on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. Draco was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower.
Yamada: Aren't you going to say you don't care?
Leon: I don't care so much I'm not going to say anything anymore. For the rest of the chapter.
Owada: I bet you will.
Yamada: Bet he won't.
Owada: 10 bucks. She's going to say something really stupid, and get everyone mad.
Yamada: Deal.
Leon: …
B'loody Mart was going 2 da concert wif Dracola.
Owada: Those names are hilarious. Bloody Mart sounds like Walmart for murderers, and isn't Dracola the name of a cereal?
Yamada: I think that's Count Chocula.
Dracola used to be called Navel
Owada: What kind of freakin' name is Navel? I bet Leon's getting a kick out of this.
Leon: …
Yamada: It's supposed to be Neville. Neville Longbottom.
Owada: Longbottom? Pfffttt…
but it tuned out dat he was Kidnapped at Birth and his real family were vampires.
Owada: Why is 'kidnapped' and 'birth' capitalized?
Yamada: No clue. Reinventing character's backstories destroy who they are. But she changes their current personalities, so can they be even considered to be the same characters?
Owada: … Dunno. Don't know and don't care.
They dyed in a car crash. Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. He was in Slitherin now. He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it.
Yamada: He sounds just like everyone else. No originality. And it looks like Leon is holding on to his silence.
Owada: Just wait for it…
We kall him Dracula now.
Owada: Ebony loves this repetitive shit, doesn't she?
Well anyway we al went 2 Draco's black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik)
Leon: …
Yamada: How does that make any sense? What does mercy have to do with being gothic?
that his dad Lucian gave him. We did pot, coke and crak.
Owada: I might be head of a gang, but even I know drugs are fucking stupid. Also, shouldn't those shitheads be dead? All three at once, not to mention they're all too dumb to live.
Yamada: I can agree.
Draco and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. We soon got there….I gapsed.
Yamada: This writing reminds of a really poor doujinshi I read once.
Owada: Yours?
Yamada: … No.
Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice.
Owada: Ethnic?
Yamada: *plot device dictionary* related or belonging to a particular race or group of people with the same culture, customs, religion, etc.
Owada: That bitch fails again. Ain't that right, Leon?
Leon: …
Yamada: Owada, you're going to lose.
We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes...
Yamada: How on earth, in any universe, in any continuity, would Voldemort qualify as a prep?
Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came.
Owada: Gross… I did not need to know that.
Yamada: I agree…
Leon: … That's really fuckin' gross.
Owada: Hah! Pay up, nerd!
Yamada: Leon! This is your fault. *sigh*
It was….Vlodemort and da Death Deelers!
Leon: Wasn't this in the last chapter?
Monokuma: You are absolutely correct, this scene reappears again, word for glorious word.
Yamada: Glorious? You have a twisted sense of quality.
Monokuma: You just figured that out? Upupupu…
"U moronic idiots!" he shooted angstily.
Leon: Angstily? Like an emo? A emo Voldemort would be funny, except this ruins emos.
Yamada: This isn't Voldemort, this is Vlodemort. Vlodemort could be emo.
Leon: It wouldn't be the same.
"Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now….I shall kill thou and Draco!"
Owada: This guy is so stupid. Why can't he just kill everyone?
Yamada: Because that would be awesome. Nobody is allowed to enjoy themselves here.
Leon: Except for Monokuma.
Yamada: … Except for Monokuma.
"No no please!" We begged sadly but he took out his knife.
Owada: It's pointless getting hopeful, the little shits aren't going to die.
Did somebody say hope?
Leon: Did you hear something?
Yamada: Just the suffocating sound of Ebony's stupidity.
Leon: It's Enoby.
Owada: Tomato, Tomata, they're both bad fruits. Vegetables? I don't know.
Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed 'avril lavigne' on da back.
Leon: Avril Lavigne? What the hell?
Monokuma: That name gives me bad feeling… like a being deep-fried in a volcano kind of despair feeling.
Owada: How does that make sense?
He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…DUMBLYDORE!
Yamada: … What. Seriously, what just happened.
Monokuma: You can figure that out while waiting for the next chapter! :)
*Collective groan*