This chapter picks up where the previous one left off. Carisi was unable to contact Rollins, so he called Olivia who went to work, but not before saying to Ed, "I don't want to leave you" with an odd look on her face.
Ed begins by taking a particularly lengthy trip down memory lane as he awaits his wife's return. It may seem to ramble a bit, but, as you know if you've read my fics, I'm a teeny tiny bit fascinated with #Tuckson beginnings.
Also, chap is long. Sorry. I didn't see a logical breaking point, so, feel free to read half and come back to it later. :-)
Reflections
After Olivia left, Ed went to Noah's room, kissed his cheek softly, and spent a few minutes watching him sleep. Ed loved doing this—Noah was so peaceful and innocent and such a contrast to what he and Olivia experienced at work on a daily basis. During these moments, Ed made silent promises.
I'll always protect you.
I'll always take care of you.
You will never, ever, want for anything.
Bad things may happen, but I'll always be there to help you through them.
I will never let anyone hurt you.
Noah rolled over and fluttered his eyelids. Sensing his mere presence may be disturbing his son's sleep, Ed left, leaving the door wide open.
In the kitchen, he found the bourbon, gave himself a generous pour, and sipped contemplatively.
Carisi.
Sonny was nice enough, even if it did seem like he was being a little noncommittal with Brooke and whatever it was they were doing together. According to Olivia, he was blooming into an extremely savvy detective, and the times Ed saw him socially were enjoyable.
But, damn, the guy had a knack for ruining his intimate moments with Olivia. Neglecting to knock. Phone calls. Text messages. Carisi had interrupted in every possible way except for repelling down the building and crashing through their bedroom window. Ed thought about the multiple times he'd tried to sneak kisses or little touches from Olivia only to be waylaid by Sonny's honest but ill-timed interruptions.
The worst had been New Years Day, 2016. Ed chuckled to himself as he recalled that afternoon. After spending most of the previous year meeting for drinks, dinner, and work-related conversation, he and Olivia gradually drifted onto a friendlier path. Their talks became less professional. They laughed together, and they shared personal stories, both ugly and lighthearted. As Olivia grew into her role as commanding officer, their bond became stronger and her need for a true friend and confidant supplanted any lingering resentment for his past evil deeds.
For Ed, he always had eyes for Benson. Even when the tension between SVU and IAB was at its height, there was no doubt about his physical attraction to her. When he actually got to know Olivia-the-person and see her intelligence, wisdom, and wit, she became irresistible. Like the Deputy Commissioner said, she made him feel good. Their romantic relationship inched forward, partly due to her hesitation but chiefly because of the hectic nature of police work. Eventually, he mustered the courage to kiss her. Really kiss her. And it had been perfect.
They took a stroll after dinner one fall evening after a dinner that neither one of them wanted to end. Conversation had come so easily, they flirted, she playfully swiped at his arm when they kidded one another, and he tried his best to be gallant, sensitive, and kind. For once they totally avoided police talk. Olivia mentioned she was taking Noah to an Upper West Side street fair the next day and invited Ed to come along. Pleasantly shocked, he stared blankly at her for a second.
"Unless," Olivia quickly added, "That's not something you're interested in doing? I understand."
Ed had spent time with Noah before, but usually just hellos and goodbyes—nothing like an afternoon that could possibly include lunch and bleed into the evening. Of course he agreed to go; he was thrilled to accompany them, and he had trouble concealing his pleasure at the invitation.
So later that evening as they strolled on the southern edge of Central Park he stopped and pulled her to the side of the path. Her expression told him she knew what was coming. Not only that, she wanted what was coming. He was nervous but giddy with anticipation. He had been wondering what it would be like to feel her lips against his since he bought her that bourbon.
Thinking of bourbon, Ed remembered he had one in his hand and he took another sip, licked his lips, and relived that first kiss.
Eyes open and gazing into hers, he leaned in. She smiled a little, he thought maybe she wanted to break into a wide grin, but she couldn't because his mouth was on hers. He felt her hands clasp around his neck. Testing her, he opened his mouth a little. She followed suit and let out a low moan as he worked his tongue against hers. The wind picked up, but that only made them more intent on pressing their bodies together.
"That ok?" He was still close, staring into her eyes, and she could feel his warm breath.
She smiled, "It was more than ok."
"I've wanted to do that for a while."
"You can kiss me anytime you want."
From that point on, things were different. Instead of meeting at the last minute after work, they planned dates and, soon, they didn't even need to do that anymore. Dinner together, when work permitted, was expected. Olivia allowed Ed into Noah's life, and he bonded quickly with the boy. At that point, his relationship with Brooke and Sarah was still distant, so he welcomed the chance to be a father figure again. Ed knew further intimacy was imminent, but he waited patiently and followed Olivia's lead. She spent much of November and December at work—Dodds was new and Rollins had Jesse—so time together was limited. On New Year's Eve, she called him at midnight.
"Happy New Year!" She said brightly. He returned the greeting and then accepted her offer to visit the apartment for brunch in the morning. "It'll just be me and Noah," she said, "and I'm not exactly the best cook, but it's hard to screw up pancakes and eggs, right?"
Ed momentarily jumped out of his memory and listened, thinking he heard Noah.
False alarm. He drifted back to January 1, 2016. He arrived at her apartment with champagne, wine, and bourbon. The sight of him laden with alcohol made Olivia laugh, genuinely laugh, and it warmed his heart.
"I didn't know what you would want, ya know, for brunch," he explained sheepishly.
"How about we start with mimosa?"
Ed didn't care. He only wanted to hear that laugh again. And he did. They laughed as they fished pieces of egg shells out of the scrambled eggs. Olivia laughed when Ed teased her about her misshapen pancakes and then laughed even harder when he gave it a try and his were worse. They laughed when Noah mimicked the football players on television. They even laughed when he whined and threw a mini-fit at naptime. While Noah slept, they kissed and cuddled and switched from mimosa to wine. They played Yahtzee on the coffee table with the football games still playing on television. Yahtzee. Ed went from being the IAB investigator who Olivia loathed to her, gulp, boyfriend who she loathed only because he'd rolled two Yahtzees in one game.
"No way you'll roll another one," she trash talked.
"What if I do?"
"Not going to happen."
"Care to make it interesting, Lieutenant?"
Olivia bit her lip. "Ok."
"If I roll another one, you and Noah let me buy you dinner tonight."
"And if you don't?"
"I will."
He did. Either Ed Tucker had some innate skill with dice or he was incredibly lucky. Either way, he made good on the bet. They ate at the neighborhood pub that would eventually become their usual weeknight spot, played with Noah, kissed him goodnight, opened the bourbon, and, eventually, found themselves alone again on the couch. This time there was no Yahtzee and no television. Olivia put on some soft music, sat so her legs were touching Ed's, and he wasted no time taking her into his arms. He kissed her furiously, managing to mutter "I had a great time today" when she broke away from him to fling her shirt over her head. He felt her breasts over her bra, and, that not being good enough, he unclasped it and that, too, was tossed to the floor. Ed stared into her eyes and pursed his lips as he caressed her chest. Yearning flooded her eyes as she returned his gaze and straddled him. Olivia ran her hands all over his head as he kissed her neck, shoulders, and, finally, those supple breasts. He couldn't help but notice the tiny scars and discolorations, but he imagined himself soothing her pain and suffering as he kissed and licked and suckled at her.
Ed shifted them so she was on her back and she slid her arms under his t-shirt and sweater, slipping the garments over his head, and then doing her own quick examination of his torso. The feel of her fingertips kneading his chest and back sent shivers through his body.
This was really happening.
Right as he was about to say something incredibly romantic, someone buzzed the apartment from the street below. Ed froze, propped on his hands as if he were doing pushups.
Olivia brought him down to her. "They'll go away," she mumbled, kissing him.
Another buzz.
Then another.
"Ugh," she groaned and extracted herself from the cushions. Shirtless, she ambled over to the door. "Yeah?"
The voice coming through the intercom was Carisi's. "Hey, Lieu! I have a New Year's treat for you and Noah! Sorry so late but I—"
Olivia cut him off, "Come on up." She rushed to the living room and put on Ed's t-shirt and sweater. She picked up her own shirt and bra and shoved them into his hands. "I'll deal with him. Why don't you…take these…and go back to my bedroom? I'll be there in a few minutes."
Ed did as he was told.
Carisi was delivering traditional Italian honey sesame cookies. "My mother makes them every New Year's," Ed heard him explain, "Thought you and Noah would like them. Sorry it's so late, I stopped by earlier but you weren't home."
Olivia thanked him, faked a yawn, said goodbye, and appeared in the bedroom, plate of cookies in hand.
"Want one?" She asked seductively.
"No." Ed answered seriously. He took the plate from her and put it on the top of the dresser. "I want you, Olivia."
"I'm all yours," she whispered.
They fell onto the mattress and picked up where they left off. Ed went about making love to her deliberately and carefully as if he were attempting to commit to memory every moment and each detail of her body. Afterward, they kissed and cuddled, heated up and went for another, more aggressive round, exchanging pillow talk well into the early morning hours. Ed saw Olivia start to drift off to sleep around three a.m.
"I should go," he said, kissing her again, "I don't want to confuse Noah."
Olivia wanted to object but knew he was right. He dressed and she put on her robe to walk him out. Ed had no idea what to say, so he was elated when she gave him a soft kiss and said, "Thank you for a perfect day."
He held her close, "Maybe…do it again sometime?"
They both laughed at the double meaning.
Three days later, Utley held a gun to her head.
I don't want to leave you.
Ed hung his head. What an idiot! He had totally misconstrued what she said before she left.
All the time he was negotiating with Utley, Ed operated with a humongous pit in his stomach. That wasn't just a fellow officer in that house, the hostage was his Olivia. It was all he could do to restrain himself from losing control and smacking the hell out of Ralph or threatening Utley with his life. It took remarkable strength for him to handle the negotiation by the book and at the same time hide the fact that there was more to the incident than anyone knew.
I don't want to leave you.
When Utley walked the three hostages out, Ed remembered swallowing hard, trying to keep it together. Bits and pieces of their lovemaking flashed through his mind. He thought about her lips and her soft skin and then she appeared, bloody and bruised and seconds away from death, if that hopped-up maniac chose to pull the trigger. Olivia's badass right hook into Utley's face and the subsequent sniper shot happened in a flash. Ed was sure he had never sprinted so fast in his entire life. As she turned to him, he thought she was going to go against her own request to keep their relationship under wraps, but she kept it together and let out the breathless "thank-you."
Olivia struggled more than she let on in the aftermath; as she battled her inner demons, she held Tucker at bay. It was confusing for him, but he stayed patient, cognizant, and respectful of all she'd been through. To make matters worse, January and February were filled with murky cases, none of which came with neat resolutions. He knew she was seeing Dr. Lindstrom, but Ed also reminded her that she could lean on him, trust him, and let him support her as she fought to move forward both personally and professionally. Olivia had trouble accepting this at first, but eventually she opened up, and when she did, it was full disclosure. They stayed awake all night, and Ed comforted her and wiped her tears as she walked him through Lewis, the PTSD, the nightmares, the fear that Noah would be all alone if something happened to her, and, finally, her own troubling loneliness.
Ed hated to beg, but he kind of did, "Olivia, please, let me be here for you. I want to. It took us too long to find each other to give up now. I'm not rushing you. I'm not asking for anything more than what you're ready for…but, I'm here. And I won't leave…unless that's what you want."
Two days later Hank Abraham was busted and, that Valentine's Day, instead of a nightcap after the sentencing, she took his arm and led him home, to her apartment, where they made love, and, this time, when he got up to leave in the middle of the night, she put out her arm and dragged him back by her side.
"I don't want to do this anymore."
A surge of dread shot through his body. What?
"I mean," she clarified, "I want you to stay."
He curled up next to her, "I'll leave before he gets up. Lemme set—"
She gripped his forearm tightly, "Don't set the alarm. Just stay."
I don't want to leave you.
Ed grumbled at himself and took another sip. Tonight Olivia had a scare and he took her I don't want to leave you as being about him when it was really about her. He felt terribly guilty. He still wasn't used to anyone worrying about him, and he'd been so nonchalant, almost flippant, towards his wife while she was coming out of crisis mode.
His wife.
The only person who believed him when he was being framed. The woman he loved, who he wanted to take care of most in the world, had been upset, probably still was, and he didn't catch on until now. In the past year and a half, they'd been one another's rock, at times, the only person the other could trust. They had built, were building, an impenetrable bond, and Ed was certain he'd crumble if he lost her. And vice versa.
When Olivia came home Ed took her into his arms and apologized. The words were jumbled and babbled, but he managed to explain himself. He didn't think about how agonizing it would be for her, he was new at this, at least, new at going off to an NYPD crisis instead of interrogating a dirty cop with a concerned wife at home. She was so strong and independent that sometimes he forgot she could be consumed by worry. He was sorry. He didn't realize how it affected her. How stupid he was to cherish her as the most precious thing in his life and not recognize she felt the exact same way.
Tears streamed down her face as Olivia listened, and, as the regret became more and more apparent in his voice, she cradled his cheek in her hand and kissed him. "You don't have to apologize," she said softly, "It's just something I have to get used to."
"But—"
"Ed, I forgive you…if that's what you need to hear. I understand."
"It won't happen again."
She smiled, "I know."
"I'm sorry."
"Stop."
He played with her hair and wiped her damp face with his thumb, "So…"
"So…Noah's room tomorrow?"
He brightened. "Yeah. Dinosaurs and trains."
"That doesn't really match."
"That's what he wants."
Olivia chuckled a little.
"What?"
"You're such a good man." She knew he loved to hear that. If he was harboring any residual guilt, that sentence would take care of it.
He shot her the classic Tucker smirk. "I know it's late, but…"
She nodded towards the bedroom and winked at him, "C'mon."
Their room was in disarray—boxes were piled in corners, clothing laid out to be packed was strewn around, and items from the hall closet Olivia had been organizing and wrapping in plastic were scattered on the bed. Ed cleared the mattress with a swipe, sending the items flying onto a pile of sweaters and sweatshirts so they made a thud instead of a Noah-rousing clatter.
To Olivia's amusement, Ed wouldn't stop talking. As he bit and sucked at her thighs he rambled on and on about the new apartment.
"So much space," he mumbled, "and the windows, I'm gonna make love to you in the living room in front of those windows."
He ran his tongue along her inner thigh and flicked his fingers right in the spot that drove her crazy. As she spasmed and moaned, he interspersed commentary with swirls of his tongue, "You can look out over Manhattan…"
If Olivia weren't writhing from his fingers and lips moving rhythmically between her legs, she would have laughed.
"…while I'm fucking you," he finished his sentence as she came completely undone. If there was anything such as sexual swagger, Ed had it. He moved away from her oozing folds to consume the opposite thigh then slowly pulled himself along her torso, using her breasts as anchors.
"You taste so good. Olivia, you're so good."
She felt his erection pressing against her, and as much as she was enjoying the protracted foreplay, she needed him. "Ed."
He answered as if they were hanging out on the couch watching television, "Yes?"
"I want you. Now."
His face was between her breasts. In reply, he teased her and dipped his hips ever so slightly. She reached down, grasped his backside, and wrapped her legs around his thighs, but he flexed his muscles and resisted. "Be patient, Liv.
"I can't."
"God I love these." He opened his mouth wide and took as much of one breast in his mouth as he could.
Olivia could only manage another raspy, "Ed."
He switched breasts, "You're so perfect."
The sound she made was a cross between a moan and a cry.
Ed finished with her breasts and planted open-mouthed kisses at her throat before locking his eyes with hers. "Can you tell how much I love you?"
"Not quite." She dug her fingers into him and snapped her hips up against his. "Are you going to make be beg?" She asked breathlessly.
"Not tonight." He smirked and then stabbed his tongue deep into her mouth while simultaneously driving himself into her. He kept his lips on top of hers as much as possible, muffling her whimpers and then her shrieks and then his satisfied groan as he exploded.
"Mmmmmm," Ed hummed against her neck, "God, I love you."
Olivia played with his hair, "I love you, but you were torturing me."
"I'm sorry."
"You don't sound sorry."
"I'm not. I'm selfish."
Olivia furrowed her brow and shivered as she recalled the last hour, or however long it had been since they'd fallen on the bed. "Selfish is not the word you should be using."
He chuckled, "What word should I use?"
Olivia thought. "Infatuated?"
"Uh-uh. Addicted."
"There are worse things to be hooked on."
"Damn right about that."
…
Sarah correctly predicted that Noah would sleep late, so Ed and Olivia snuck in pre-dawn sex and a shower before the little guy came wandering into the living room rubbing his eyes. He made a beeline for Ed who hugged and kissed him before hoisting him in the air. "How's my big guy?"
"I goed to Lion King!"
"I know, bud! Tell me about it!"
Noah regaled his Daddy with recollections. "We eat dinner, then saw the lions, and singed the songs. Sarah buyed me…" He ran to the living room, brought the plastic lion to Ed, and made it roar, "Sarah buyed me this lion."
Ed inspected the toy.
"Push the button. You make a roar, Daddy!" Ed did as he was told and Noah added his voice to the mechanical roar.
"Noah," Olivia prompted, "What else did you do with Sarah and Brookey?"
"We eated red cake!"
"They took him to Café Lalo," Olivia explained.
"And Brookey buyed me popcorn and, and, a cookie, annnnnnd, spite!"
"Sprite?"
"Uh-huh."
Olivia slid a partitioned plastic plate across the counter. She'd cut up pieces of a cinnamon raisin bagel and a banana for his breakfast.
Olivia's phone pinged.
Ed frowned and muttered, "If that's Carisi, I'm getting him transferred."
Olivia grinned at him knowingly. "It's Rollins. Apologizing for last night."
"Where was she?"
"With Murphy."
Ed knew all about Declan and Amanda, "He's still here?"
"Not anymore. He left this morning."
"She know where?"
"Not exactly."
Ed cradled Noah as he picked at his food. "That's tough. For her and him."
"Amanda's so unaffected by it. Or, at least she acts like she is."
"I'd have to get outta there," Ed said, "I couldn't be away from my kid like that. Seeing her once or twice a year…"
Olivia shrugged. "You know how it is. UC can consume your life."
"Still," Ed protested, "I get that they were never together, but, if that's my kid? No way I'm flying around the world running a sex trafficking ring."
"Chief Dodds mentioned something about him spending more time here and it looking suspicious. So, maybe, he's on his way out. He must have mounds of evidence by now."
"Probably waiting for the big bust," Ed surmised, then asked, "How's the Chief doing?"
"Gloomy. He came in but didn't really need to. I think he just wanted some company. He's probably having an extra hard time…it'll be a year Wednesday."
Ed's face filled with sympathy.
"I told him I'd have a drink with him sometime," Olivia said hesitantly.
"Are you asking my permission?"
"Of course not."
"You don't have to do that, you know."
"Have a drink with him?"
He tilted his head at her. Come on. "You know what I mean."
She smiled at him and sipped coffee. Olivia appreciated Ed acting like he didn't care if she had a solo drink with another man, but she knew better. When they first got together he admitted he'd been jealous of Cassidy and both Stabler and Amaro-basically any man with whom she shared any type of connection.
"I know Dodds is hurting," Ed said, his eyes filling with concern, "But, how are you?"
"We've had so much going on…I haven't had time to think about it."
"Is that a good thing?"
"We are a good thing. Moving is a good thing. But…there's no getting over it, Ed."
Ed put Noah on the chair. He went around the counter and took Olivia's face in his hands, "Remember. Talk to me."
She swallowed the lump in her throat. "I know."
"You're not alone."
She leaned forward and kissed him, "Thanks to you, I haven't been for a while."
"Mommy! More bagel!"
Olivia turned to Noah. "More bagel…what?"
"Pleeeeeeeease!"
Olivia broke up another quarter of the bagel and put in on the plate.
"Guess what we're doing today, No?" Ed asked dramatically.
"See lions again?"
"Sorry, bud, that's for special occasions. We're going to see your new room!"
"New room with T-Rex?"
"Yeah! No Trains?"
Olivia rolled her eyes. Why bring up the trains?
"T-Rex and trains on da walls!"
"Mommy says we have to pick one or the other."
Noah spoke with his mouth full, "No, we have trains and T-Rex."
"We'll see, bud. But, remember, your trains will be in your room. Your room is SO big, you can keep the trains set up all the time."
Noah's eyes widened. "We get more trains?"
Ed kissed his head, "Yeah, we'll get you more track and more trains so they can take longer trips."
"Whoa!"
"Noah, isn't it nice you have a Daddy and sisters who spoil you?"
Ed mustered a serious expression, "There's a difference between spoiling him and giving him anything he wants."
"And what exactly is that difference?" Olivia asked skeptically.
Ed cleared his throat, "Spoiling means that we pile things on that he doesn't want or need. He wants and loves trains, so we give him as many trains as possible. He loves dinosaurs, so every time we see one, we buy it."
"Interesting logic."
"And you, Olivia Margaret, are not much better than we are."
She screwed up her face, "Oh come on, ninety percent of his toys came from you or Sarah or Brooke."
"Clothes?"
She had no choice but to concede that point. "You got me there, Captain."
"I mean, I don't think he cares if that Polo horse thing is on his shirts… Or that whale on the suit he had on last night. That's spoiling."
Olivia plucked her son from the chair and gave him a squeeze. "You are one lucky boy, sweet Noah," she cooed and gave him Eskimo kisses.
"You lucky, Mommy." He retorted, giggled, and pressed his face even closer to hers.
Olivia clasped his head and hugged him tightly. Ed came over and kissed her on the cheek. "Don't cry, Liv," he said softly.
"I'm not."
A cocky smirk crossed his face, "But he can probably have dinosaurs and trains on his walls now, huh?"
"Whatever he wants."
….
"Lieutenant, good morning!" Chief Dodds wore a bright, too-happy smile as he entered Olivia's office early Monday.
"Good morning, Chief."
"Have a good weekend?"
"I did," she reported and tried not to beam too much. She and Ed worked with the paint store's graphic design guy to create wall decals of a Tyrannosaurus Rex driving a train. He printed them immediately, and the trio went directly to the apartment afterward. Luckily, the paint was dry in Noah's bedroom and they hung the artwork just above where his headboard would be. Noah went absolutely nuts and chanted "T-Rex Train." They ordered pizza and ate it on the floor of their new living room and took in the view from the floor-to-ceiling windows. They had breakfast with Brooke and Sarah on Sunday morning and spent the afternoon throwing a ball around with Noah in the park. Other than the worsening disarray of their current apartment, it was the perfect family weekend.
Olivia reluctantly asked how his weekend had been.
"Good, good," he replied cheerfully, "Matt actually flew in and surprised me. Thought I might like to see him, and their mother is coming tomorrow, you know, she wants to do this whole spiritual one-year after death thing. I don't get it…but it will be nice to have them here."
"That's great, Chief. I'm glad they're here for you."
"But," he clapped his hands, "I'm not here to wallow in sorrow. I have some great news for SVU. You're getting that new, competent, detective you've been asking for."
Olivia stared sternly at her boss, "I don't get to interview him? Or her?"
"Him," he replied, "And I didn't think you'd have to. It's Dume!"
"Dume?"
"Yes, Dume!"
"Isn't Detective Dumas under indictment?"
"As of this morning, the charges have been dropped. He's been through all the psych evals, he's cleared for duty. But, OnePP doesn't feel it's in the city's or his best interest to return to his old precinct for obvious reasons. They needed a safe place for him. You need an experienced guy. It's a win-win situation!"
Olivia did not share his enthusiasm. While she was on record supporting Dumas in the context of the shooting, she had qualms about taking a detective who had a target on his back and, most likely, had a damaged ego. SVU required empathy and finesse; she wasn't sure Dumas possessed those qualities and, if he did, his past may compel him to overcompensate. If there was anything worse than incompetence, it was a bruised detective with a chip on his shoulder trying too hard to prove his worth. But apparently she had no choice.
"When does he start?"
"A week from today. But I told him he could come by and get briefed, shadow around here if he wanted."
"Great."
"It'll be good, Lieutenant, you'll see. He's good police."
Olivia pressed her lips together and nodded.
"Oh, hey, why don't you have a drink with me and Matt later on? Assuming of course, that you're free."
It wasn't even ten o'clock; he was wasting no time backing her into a corner this morning. "Ah, sure, if nothing comes up. Maybe between five and six? I have to pick up Noah by seven."
"Five o'clock. Any suggestions? Not a cop bar."
Olivia knew dozens of midtown and west side bars, but she blurted out the first thing that came to her mind-the name of the girls' usual watering hole, Quinn's.
The Chief nodded familiarly, "I know the place. We'll see you later. Have a good day, Lieutenant."
"You too."
….
The Chief and Matt were nowhere to be found when Olivia arrived at the pub. She took a seat and made small talk with the bartender who recognized her from the times she'd been there with Sarah and Brooke. He delivered her Jameson's and soda and they chatted until the Dodds men arrived. Olivia shook Matt's hand. In the blur that was the day of the funeral, she hadn't spoken much to Matt and she hadn't noticed how ruggedly handsome he was.
"Are you still living in Mexico?" Olivia asked. Matt and his father sat on either side of her.
The Chief answered for him. His voice was still too loud and too cheerful. "Matt here has moved to southern California, managing his friend's band down there."
Olivia could tell the younger Dodds was annoyed, so she directed another question at him. "Are you a musician?"
He smiled gratefully, "I play a little guitar, but the band, that's just something I do on the side. They only play a few times a month. I'm working at a rehab and recovery center and taking classes to finish my degree. Psychology."
"Good for you," Olivia said. "I haven't spent much time in California. The weather must be gorgeous all year."
"It is. I can pretty much surf all year long if I want. You and your family should visit. I live in San Diego, but you can't really go wrong anywhere on the coast."
"I've always thought about going more north, San Francisco area? Wine country?"
Matt nodded, "I've been there. When you go, make it later summer. June is too foggy."
For someone who both Mike and the Chief had described as pretty much a huge screw up, Matt Dodds sure presented himself as exactly the opposite. After he got his degree he planned to eventually open his own drug and alcohol treatment center in a facility overlooking the Pacific. He made no excuses for himself and admitted that helping with his friend's band was a welcome diversion in his evenings and on the weekends—his trigger times. "When I'm alone and have too much free time, that's when the urges hit," he freely explained.
Chief Dodds gave up on his attempts to speak for Matt and sipped his bourbon silently. Olivia couldn't tell if he was tuned in to their conversation or if he was totally lost in thought. At any rate, she hoped he was pleased with the progress his wayward son had made.
Olivia showed him pictures of Noah, and Matt made her laugh incredulously when he told her kids in southern California started surfing right around his age. "They do that before they ride bikes," he said, grinning, "Just on small foam boards and they fall a lot, but it's a start."
"Sounds like learning a second language," Olivia remarked, "We're enrolling him in a dual language preschool this fall."
"Spanish?"
"Yes."
"That's good," Matt complimented, "I can get by, but it's hard as an adult."
Dodds ordered another round.
"Last one, Chief," Olivia warned, "If I'm stumbling into day care they may not release my son."
He slapped her back, "Ah, you're a trooper. We'll come with you, if need be!"
Matt laughed and toasted with both of them. Olivia was a little surprised he was drinking, but she kept the questions to herself.
"LIVVIE!"
The voice was unmistakable.
Sarah.
Olivia spun around just in time to absorb Sarah's signature violent hug.
"What are you doing here?" Sarah asked loudly and maybe slightly disappointed that her drinking buddy and confidante had not invited her.
"Having a drink with my boss," Olivia gestured to Chief Dodds, "And his son. This is Matt, he's visiting from California."
Sarah switched to a more professional demeanor. She firmly shook their hands and introduced herself. Olivia noticed she was no longer wearing her rings. She was still in her work clothes—a light gray suit, pink blouse, and what appeared to be Louboutin pumps. She really is burning through this raise, Olivia thought. Ed would have been pissed at both Dodds' leering, but, in their defense, Sarah was irresistibly attractive.
"I'm supposed to be meeting Brooke and a couple of her teacher friends for dinner, so I thought I'd warm up first," Sarah said, pulling up a stool next to Matt, "I have a very low tolerance for teacher talk."
"What do you do?" Matt asked cordially.
"Right now I sit and smile and try not to look like an idiot." Sarah laughed at Matt's quizzical expression, "I'm in finance. I just started with a new firm. My team's in the middle of a project and I'm constantly playing catch up."
"Ah," he said.
"You'll get there," Olivia said encouragingly.
"And how do you two know each other?" Matt asked.
Olivia opened her mouth to reply, but Sarah beat her to the punch, "Livvie's my mom."
"Oh, you're Tucker's daughter!" Chief Dodds exclaimed, "I knew I recognized you! Now I know, from Lieutenant Benson's wedding."
Sarah leaned over the bar to peer at him. She obviously had no memory of the Chief. "Oh, gosh, I'm sorry, sir. We have met, haven't we? The day of the wedding I was so, well, excited for Dad and Olivia, I didn't pay much attention to anything else."
"That's to be understood."
Olivia finished her second cocktail. "Guys, I have to go." She fished her wallet from her bag, but Dodds stopped her.
"On me, Lieutenant."
"Well, thank you."
"You're welcome. Hey, we're having a short graveside memorial and getting together afterward. Wednesday at sunset. Please come. Bring Tucker, too. And your squad."
Sarah's clueless expression faded slowly as she remembered last year's tragic events. Instinctively, she put a hand on Matt's forearm but then quickly retracted it before anyone noticed. The touch was so brief, Matt probably thought it was inadvertent.
Olivia agreed to join them as long as they weren't bogged down with anything SVU-related. She thanked Dodds again for the drinks and reminded Sarah about the weekend.
"Are you still free to help us out?"
"Absolutely. I'm your girl."
"Great, thanks. Have a good dinner, and tell Brooke I said hi."
"Will do."
Olivia, feeling a little weird about leaving Sarah with the Dodds, left the bar and headed for Noah's day care.
…
Ed was experiencing information overload. He stood at the counter opposite from Olivia as she wrapped breakables in newspaper and passed the items to him for placement in the box labeled "kitchen." Over dinner she vented about Dumas, told Ed about Dodds' memorial service, and mentioned Sarah had unexpectedly shown up at Quinn's.
He started with the easiest. "Let's plan on going to the cemetery," he said. Ed liked to project a steely façade, but Mike's death rattled him. Children were not supposed to die before their parents; he would be insufferable if he lost Brooke, Sarah, or Noah.
Olivia passed him a stack of wrapped plates.
"Have you heard from Sarah?" He asked.
Olivia knew what he was getting at. "I haven't. But, she was going to dinner with Brooke."
"Oh…ok." He felt slightly better. He didn't completely trust his flirtatious, beautiful, and recently separated daughter around single men. The last thing she needed to do was further complicate her life by having an alcohol-induced tryst with Matt Dodds, or, shudder, Chief Dodds. He quickly pushed that thought out of his mind.
Ed tucked another set of glasses into the box, decided it was full enough, and reached for an empty one. "What the hell are they dumping Dumas on you for?"
"Apparently, the powers that be think SVU is a safe place for him."
"Sounds like they're treating him like a vic."
Olivia let out a sarcastic chuckle. "They kind of are."
"It's bullshit, though," Ed muttered under his breath, cognizant of Noah's keen ears. His jaw tightened, "They coulda just sent him to Staten Island, or any other borough for that matter. I don't like them setting you up like this."
"Like how?"
"Once the word gets out, you don't think you're precinct's gonna be targeted?"
"Targeted how?"
"Any case he works is gonna be under scrutiny."
Olivia sighed, "There are plenty of cops on the job who've shot people."
"How many who shot an unarmed, innocent black kid?"
"Amaro was one."
"And you don't think that affected him?"
"It did," Olivia admitted, "But it didn't make me trust him any less. That particular incident wasn't his fault—he got screwed by the rookie."
"And Dumas?"
"You interviewed him—what do you think?"
"I think he was the least responsible of the three."
Olivia stopped what she was doing and leaned back against the sink. "Least responsible," she murmured. "Like that matters."
Ed knew the case still troubled her; it probably would forever. "Liv, you said it best—that night was the perfect storm of terrible circumstances. When everything is working against us, sometimes even procedure fails."
"So, now, every case, every trial, every defense attorney can possibly use this against him. If the perp is a black man, they can dig this up. If the vic is black, maybe they don't trust him. How am I supposed to work with those possibilities hanging over us?"
"Charges are dropped," Ed pointed out, "Barba should be able to have it suppressed, don't ya think?"
Olivia's doubt was palpable. "Probably depends on the judge. And the case."
"Hey," he splayed his arms across the counter, reaching for her hands, "Take it one case at a time. He's a good detective. Before this, he had nothing but commendations, nothing negative in his jacket. And it's your squad; if it's not working, you can get him outta there."
"You're right."
"Of course," he replied haughtily with a cocky smirk on his face, "You gotta listen to Captain Tucker, Lieutenant."
"I think you enjoy the fact that you outrank me a little too much."
"There's nothing stopping you from being promoted—you'd do way better on the test than I did."
"Probably," Olivia replied with her own subtle playful arrogance.
"I could also tutor you," Ed offered, a wicked twinkle in his eye, "Free of charge."
"I'm sure there's something you'd want in return."
"Not at all," he replied softly, "I'll do anything for you."
Olivia was slightly taken aback at how quickly he flipped from playfulness to sincerity. She leaned as far forward as she could and kissed him. She laughed as he swiped his tongue through her mouth, turning a chaste peck into a more suggestive smooch.
"Although," the flirtatious tone returned, "if you insist on some sort of compensation…we could work out some sort of advance payment plan starting tonight…" He beamed at her unapologetically. Pure adoration shone in his face.
Olivia loved how he cared for her. She relished his strength and how well he listened. She valued his opinion above all others. But he was also irresistibly sexy.
If she would have chosen to articulate her thoughts at that moment, she would have sounded exactly like Sarah.
Olivia cocked an eyebrow and returned Ed's amorous gaze.
Gawwwd, he's hot.
….
Coming up: Moving Day! And some other stuff, too…remember Ed's mother, Caroline? I think we need to hear from her in the near future.