A/N: Hey guys, I hope we are all well.
This chapter will mark a pretty momentous occasion for me and take the story passed the 400,000 word mark.
It still baffles me to think it's that long and I have been writing this for hmmm, about four and a half years. Very strange when I think about it. But, it fills me with immense pride and I am happy I have stuck with it. I always promised myself I would see this through to the end and not rush it. To give it the commitment so many of you amazing readers have told me this story is worth.
I thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart for sticking with my little fic after all this time and giving me the encouragement to continue with it. And, it is hard considering what us GSR fans go through on the show. But, I have always kept the faith and I always will until a confirmation of destruction arrives. Personally, I don't think that will happen and I believe GSR will prevail.
Thank you so much to SSC, my best partner in crime for her massive input on this chapter even if she isn't a GSR kiddy fan, lol. She hates Geek babies. Wonder if you can tell...
Okay, I'll shut up now. Enjoy Evil hats nemesis – Fluffy hat, LMAO. He won't be around long...
Enjoy!
Chapter 107
It was Halloween and the vast event that was the annual Sidle Halloween bash was nigh. The air pinched with a mixture of emotions.
Excitement.
Nerves.
Curiosity.
And of course, rumor.
This was by no means going to be a dull evening and everyone knew it.
The Grove had now reached new heights and had regained the successes it had been lacking for a long time. Albeit that failure was largely in part of McKeen, but now it prospered beyond anyone's predictions.
The ongoing absence and lack of word in regards to The Colonel had caused the law to take action in regards to his estate. All his assets had been seized and distributed amongst those who he had wronged with Captain Sidle getting a substantial chunk of the dishonored Colonel's monies and land.
Along with that, the money he had received from the deceased Samuel Braun, his rebuilt stables and breeding program, his once again thriving cattle and with the prospect of success through his hotel partnership, Captain Sidle had re-achieved considerable financial success.
He had even allowed his daughter to convince him not to pursue the option of mining for the gold which they knew lay within his land.
Sara was very passionate about her surroundings, the land and its natural splendor. She knew that destroying such a beautiful area in order to retrieve a mineral for cash that they really didn't need was a travesty to nature itself. The captain allowed Sara her wish, at least for now. With the condition that should ever fate turn them another cruel hand to a point where they struggled again, he would mine for whatever he had to.
The condition Sara didn't mind, for she knew in her heart that the Sidle's would remain strong and the land would remain untouched.
Sara's health had improved and did so every day although she would most likely never achieve her former state of health. Grissom knew though. He knew that she would always be susceptible to the cold so he ensured, whenever he possibly could that she looked after herself and aided her own recovery.
As for Sara's mental stability, she showed definite signs of improvement. She laughed more. She seemed to be more herself. However, Grissom fully realized that she still struggled. She still had nightmares, she still feared about McKeen being out there somewhere and she still doubted she could be all she had to be for him and whether or not she would truly be able to give herself to him in the way a wife should.
Grissom was always there for her. No matter the time, the reason or the conditions. He worked a lot as there was much to do now and with the elements, winters work was always more difficult. But he managed to make time for her without neglecting his duties. After all, he still had to keep Sara's father happy.
They spent most of their time together either taking a walk together, in the hay loft or at Grissom's cabin. Of course they had to spend some time at the house in order to please Sara's parents but Sara found, especially given all the wedding plans that at times she needed to get away and just be without all the fuss.
She hated the fuss.
Of course, at first, and still, the captain had expressed his displeasure at Sara's request to frequent Grissom's home as much as she did. But, deep inside he knew her reasons were ones he could live with especially when he first sounded his objections and Sara told him she would move her new kitten, aptly named Dickens into the house then.
The look on the captain's face made Grissom smile so brightly.
He had agreed Sara her freedom remembering Grissom's word to him but on the condition Sara always returned to the house by an appropriate hour. So far, they had abided by his rule.
So, all seemed to be going well or as well as things could…
CSICSICSICSICSICSICSI
The moon was full, swathed in wispy trails of gray clouds. The stars were absent, covered by the cloudy night.
It was as if nature herself was participating in the festivities, decorating the sky in appropriate colors and temperature. The air was cool but the wind slightly crisp, enough to require an extra layer of warmth if one intended to enjoy the night.
And enjoy the night most intended to do. The turnout was staggering, and the party still had almost forty five minutes until it's official start.
Grissom tugged at his scarf as he anxiously surveyed the growing crowd. He was not a party person by nature, preferring to spend his evenings reading a book rather than socializing with the masses. Yet, he had grown up amidst the wealthy socially conscious elite so he sometimes enjoyed the occasional gathering and he was a fair dancer.
However, this party was different and he was expected to be an active participant; after all, a large portion of this affair was in his benefit and celebration.
And so he was determined to do his best. And he had to admit, it was a pretty special night.
Laura's embrace caught him unawares. Her eyes gleamed with a misty happiness. "You don't know how happy I am," she practically squealed though her voice threatened to break.
"I'm pretty happy too," he admitted, hugging her back.
"Thomas even hired a photographer." Laura smiled. "And I only had to ask once."
Grissom smiled at the joke. Laura was hugging him again. "You look so handsome," she purred.
Grissom looked down. It wasn't often he bought new clothes. And he couldn't recall a time when everything he wore was brand new. His hair and beard were trimmed. In fact, he felt a little odd, like he didn't really feel like himself at all.
"Gil…" came her voice.
His breath caught in his throat the moment he saw her, a vision in burgundy and ivory with gold accents. Her eyes were bright; skin glowing with pretty pink undertones.
Her arms were up and he embraced her. Her scent, a delightful combination of vanilla and apples filled both his lungs and brain. He realized then, like he had a million times before, that the only place he belonged…truly belonged...was with her.
And in mere weeks, she would fully and truly, be his.
Sara smiled brightly. Her fingers caressed the lapel of his jacket. "You look great. Is this new?"
"Special occasion," he answered.
"It is?" she teased. "Really, am I invited?"
"I will see to it." He offered an arm. "Shall we?"
Her arm slipped through his. "I suppose we better."
Together, they walked into the garden, now abloom with multicolored mums. Straw stacks and bales were strategically placed along with friendly brightly dressed scarecrows and benign goblins. The lanterns were aloft and ablaze, throwing a welcoming light upon the stage where the band was actively setting up.
"Father went out of his way," Sara remarked.
"That he did."
Sara suddenly shivered and it immediately caught Grissom's attention. "I like the atmosphere better," she said shyly. "Not stuffy and formal like when Hank and I…"
Her voice trailed off and the happy smile faded, "I think about how I treated you...and him and..."
He stopped her with a lone finger across her lips. "Shush," he warned. "Let's not think about that, okay?"
Sara tried to smile.
"Well now, Grissom, you have quite the arm accessory," Catherine said as she approached. "A beautiful woman is always in fashion."
"She's the best part of my attire," Grissom replied back.
Catherine gave him an appreciative look. "And speaking of attire, I daresay you clean up quite nicely, Gil. If you weren't escorting Miss Sidle then you would have no shortage of ladies requesting your arm."
Grissom smiled. "I'm already taken, Catherine. And yes, you may spread that in your gossip circles."
Catherine's eyes widened before she hummed a reply. "So you are not escorting Sara because of a favor to The Captain?"
Sara bristled though she wasn't entirely sure how to take the comment. Catherine could be abrasive at times but she had a sweet side. As her father's partner, it could be expected that Grissom might function as an escort more than a beau. However, Sara wondered if Catherine meant something different by the offhand remark.
But Grissom only offered another smile before replying. "Sara is gracious enough to be my date for this evening."
"Well, Sara," Catherine clucked. "You couldn't have done better."
With that, Catherine accepted a mug of apple cider from a waiter before disappearing into the crowd.
Grissom sighed as he accepted another of the steaming mugs. "It's Catherine," he explained. "She means well...I think."
Sara nodded. "I hope."
The Captain climbed up to the podium, pulling a breathless Laura behind him. "I would like to welcome everyone to the annual Sidle family Halloween bash," he yelled out to the crowd. "My lovely Laura and I appreciate you coming and we have a special celebration planned.
The year started out not kind to us but the Lord has shown considerable favor and I am a blessed man tonight. We wish to dedicate this celebration to a new start for us, for this town and we are fortunate to share our blessings with you."
Grissom applauded with the rest of the crowd. He noticed the captain made no reference to McKeen or the doomed former partnership they had. Grissom felt that was in good taste; however, he had noticed a few of McKeen's former servants present. He espied Grace near the stage, and she was looking back at him with knowing eyes.
Gripping Sara's arm tighter, he made his way into the crowd. Grissom assured his grip was both protective and affectionate, rather than a simple hold. He wanted to convey their togetherness, so that everyone would know that he was here as Sara's beau. Grissom hoped that gesture would at least slow the gossips tongues from wagging about what transpired between Sara and Hank.
Unfortunately, the knowledge of Sara's captivity was common as was the knowledge that he had rescued her and saved the Grove. He had, in essence, become a reluctant hero. It was a role that was uncomfortable for him; he had not done what he had done for sacrifice or for righting a terrible wrong. He had done it for love; altruism pure and simple.
He had not even done it for the baby. He had risked his life for Sara and for her alone.
Sara was smiling, but the smile was strained...not the happy smile he had longed to see tonight.
"Are you not happy, Honey?" he asked.
Now his smile was back. "Yes, of course," she said. "I'm just well...anxious."
"Shall we run off and marry tonight?" he whispered in her ear. Grissom was only half joking. But, if Sara gave the word, they would be gone to the nearest preacher or to Jim Brass.
For a second, he allowed himself to revel in the particular pleasure of that thought.
"If my parents wouldn't kill us..." Sara smiled back. "Speaking of which, I should check on Mother."
"I will be waiting."
Sara smiled and disappeared. It was funny how he could miss her the second she would slip away.
"You know what they are saying…" Catherine's voice floated to him again.
Grissom turned to her, knowing what she was most likely alluding to. Annoyance was etched on his face.
"You know I don't put much stock in rumors," he countered.
"Even if they involve you?" Catherine replied.
"Especially if they involve me," Grissom stressed. "It is the only thing I hate about small towns."
Catherine sipped her cider. "May I tell you anyway? As a friend, I feel it is my obligation."
Grissom sighed in response.
Catherine continued. "The former servants of McKeen are claiming that Sara is damaged goods. That Hank...raped her. And that Thomas Sidle just wants to marry her off in the event she's pregnant with his child."
Grissom almost raised an eyebrow at the last portion but he willed it still at the last second. "I appreciate you 'enlightening' me on the subject."
"You deserve the best, Gil," Catherine replied.
"I have the best," he stressed.
He heard a noise then, akin to a soft squeak. Turning he saw Sara standing behind them. She was smiling, but she appeared several shades paler than she had moments ago, and her hands were tightly clasped in front of her.
"Mother sent me back," she explained. "She didn't want my help."
"Good," Grissom grabbed her hand. "Because I need you. I want to dance."
He practically dragged her up onto the stage, before turning her around and grasping her hands. Tugging her firmly against him, he began to move with the rhythm of the music. Silently, she moved with him, matching his moves but not meeting his eyes.
But he had a plan and it began to work. As they moved energetically across the wooden planks of the dance floor, hearing the clopping of shoes and the clapping of hands, the flush started creeping across Sara's cheeks and happy giggles started falling from her lips.
A square dance started, one that required frequent partner changes. Grissom would have preferred to sit this one out but Sara smiled and danced away from him.
At least she was happy, so Grissom took his turns dancing with seemingly every other woman there. Thankfully, the dance required constant position change so he didn't have to really speak with anyone who might have nosy questions or statements from a thriving rumor mill.
Finally Sara was back in his arms again, eyes happy but wheezing slightly with every exhalation.
He was immediately concerned. "I think you need to stop," he said, pulling her hand.
"It's good," she rasped. "Come on, I'm fine."
A polka tune began to play and Grissom began automatically retracing the steps he learned at the Miller's dance some months ago. His feet moved by rote. His eyes carefully watched Sara, who seemed intent upon laughing with every breath as she danced.
He frowned. Despite loving to hear her laugh, he hated the taxing efforts it was taking on her lungs. Of course, her rapid movements were not aiding her cause. Sara did not seem to mind, though she was flushed more than the other dancers as she moved.
She stopped only when the coughing started, and still then not acting particularly distressed though he fully realized she was short of breath.
It always took a few minutes for the spells to pass. Sara would step away quietly as to not bring attention to herself while she tried to take slow deep and even breaths. She had learned to accept these unwelcome intrusions, though sometimes a spell would not abate as rapidly as others. Eventually, even she would become afraid...when air seemed to elude her no matter how much she needed it.
Sara did not discuss these with Grissom, though he had witnessed several of these attacks, as they were. But they scared him, and he would hold his own breath waiting for her to regain hers.
But then she would look up at him and smile so sweetly that his fears would be temporarily alleviated.
As she was doing now.
Grissom had followed her off the stage and was waiting for that smile. Her eyes were watering a little but that only added to the smile.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"Of course," was her answer as if her breathlessness was inconsequential. She reached for his hand and pulled him back onto the stage.
They danced, ate and socialized.
The Captain had arranged two hayrides. The first would take place at dusk and be more for families and young children.
The second would occur one hour before midnight and take the spooky path near the old abandoned cemetery through the forest. This ride was designed for the couples and some hopeful singles who didn't want to stay that way.
He was relieved when Sara opted to go on the first hayride. Anything to take her from the exertion of dancing.
"We will do both," she remarked as he helped her onto the wagon.
They sat down near a couple who were trying to settle their overexcited children. A four year old was bouncing atop the straw bale she was sitting on while the toddler kept trying to stand up. The mother held a small infant, who was watching the going-ons with wide eyed wonder.
The four year old waved at Sara shyly. "She's cute," Sara commented to Grissom.
"I guess so."
"You don't think so?" Sara asked.
"Sure," he answered noncommittally. "Kids are cute...a lot of heartache but cute."
Sara lifted an eyebrow at the revelation. "You don't like children?" her voice was small, surprised.
The wagon began to roll and now it was Grissom who seemed lost in thought. Sara slipped her hand in his, her eyes dark and serious.
"I like children," he answered though his tone was unconvincing.
"Gil," her head dropped to his shoulder so her next question was delivered privately. "Our baby...the one I lost...did you want it?
A wind blew cold, so much that they both shivered. Grissom exhaled a long breath before looking down at his and Sara's entwined fingers.
"I'm not sure how to answer that. I think it's better for things like that to be planned for," he said slowly.
Sara looked stricken, and it pained him that he was the cause of it. Grissom gnawed at his lower lip. "I would have done right by it," he finally added, realizing that it probably didn't help the situation.
"Obviously," she snorted. "Gil, I'm not sure...what to do about that."
He leaned in to her. "I never thought about having children, that's all."
Sara looked surprised. "Never?"
"No."
"Ever think about marriage?" she challenged.
"Yes, the moment I saw you when I returned to the Grove," Grissom replied.
Sara didn't answer immediately. Her beau wasn't being very forthcoming; however, she well couldn't fault him for that. She studied the darkening landscape for a few minutes, enjoying the cool breezes and her hand in his.
To her surprise, he spoke after several minutes. "My mother died...in childbirth...with me."
Her hand squeezed his as his pain became evident to her. Sara's long fingers traced the lines of his palm...comforting the best she could in the circumstances. "That wasn't your fault."
"My father...had a lot on him. I remember him looking sad. Funny I can never remember him smiling."
"Honey…" Sara started to say.
"My mother was the love of his life," Grissom continued. "I know he loved me, but he felt guilty." His free hand toyed with the delicate chain that hung around his neck.
"I never understood that guilt...until you were sick." Finally he looked at her, a sadness in his cerulean eyes.
"It wasn't your fault that I was sick," Sara protested, but the look in his eyes stopped any further argument from her.
"Sara, if something happened...I would never get over it," he continued. "My father loved me...but he was a dying man who left a little boy to fend for himself...I think he began dying the moment I was born and she died."
Sara squeezed his hand. "Thank you for sharing with me. I...would never ask you to do something you aren't ready to do. There's ways to prevent..."
"I know," he whispered. He shook his head. "I'm sure you want children...but I'm not so sure if..." He thought of her weakened lungs, how it would be difficult for Sara to give birth with those lungs. He thought of her a few minutes ago, desperately gasping for breath.
"Not right away." She smiled. "Can we...just enjoy each other's company first, maybe travel, enjoy life for a little while...and then, when the time is right and we are both ready...maybe we can…discuss it?"
A smile teased at the corner of his mouth and a small breath escaped his lips. "Okay."
Sara relaxed against a straw bale. "Now that that is settled…"
They turned their attention back to the setting sun and rolling landscape. Grissom finally seemed to relax a little. He couldn't say that he knew an incredible amount about the woman he was going to marry, but he was more enlightened and impressed with every passing day. Sara wasn't like other women he had met, she saw more in the world than marriage and family. Not that those things weren't important.
But he wasn't ready to gamble her life to become a father.
Honestly, he didn't know if he would ever be ready to potentially make such a sacrifice.
Their love was special enough that it didn't require symbolization.
But for now, it wasn't terribly important. He held her hand as the sun dipped below the horizon and the wagon rolled.
Sara excused herself the second they returned with the intention of checking on her mother again.
Dropping a quick kiss to Grissom's cheek, she ducked away...
*** There was a steaming mist in all the hollows, and it had roamed in its forlornness up the hill, like an evil spirit, seeking rest and finding none. A clammy and intensely cold mist, it made its slow way through the air in ripples that visibly followed and overspread one another, as the waves of an unwholesome sea might do.***
*** - Extract taken from A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
A/N: Hope you enjoyed, please review, they mean so much to me. And onto the next chapter I go… Evil hat is fighting with fluffy hat… OH NO! Who will win…? :D