Sidney
I stretch and try not to get caught watching Geno and the boy with his family. I guess, technically, I'm watching Anna and pretending to be watching Geno and the family. The kid is adorable grinning up at Geno and drowning in his Pens sweater. Geno has signed it in the centre of the Penguin on the front and the boy keeps absently tracing it with his finger. It's really cute.
Geno stoops down to talk to the boy, who's about five or six years old, and they speak too softly for me to hear them. The parents are talking with the PR person from the Pen's Foundation so Geno has time to talk with the boy alone. Whatever they're talking about makes the boy grin, hugely, and then throw his arms around Geno's neck. Awkwardly, Geno hugs the boy back and pats him with his own goofy grin.
I glance up at Anna and watch her brush a tear off of her cheek. I catch her eye and she gives me a watery smile. They must be what my mom calls 'good tears.' She's actually famous for them. Anna seems to be experiencing those good tears now. She's close enough to hear the exchange between Geno and the boy. I wonder what they're talking about that has moved Anna to tears.
Geno stands and says to me "Sid, come here."
I stand and walk over to where Geno is now standing with the boy.
"Sid, this Sam. Sam this Sid, the second best player on the team."
The boy giggles and I laugh too. Geno is always good at making people laugh and have fun. No one realizes how much he loves kids and enjoys being with them. Too often to be with kids he would also have to be with the media so he's avoided it in the past; but, this year he seems to be jumping into philanthropy wholeheartedly. I look at Anna and she's laughing too.
I hold out my hand to Sam.
"Nice to meet you Sam" I tell him and we shake hands.
"Are you really the second best player?" he asks me.
This kid is too cute.
"Why do you think I go out on the ice second last and Geno goes out last?' I ask him.
Sam's eyes go wide and he thinks about if for a moment before nodding. At five or six years old, he doesn't understand the joke so he takes my comment literally. Besides, at least half of the time Geno is the best player on the team.
I head out to continue my warm ups in the hall. I find an empty one and begin my walking leg lifts as I've done thousands of times before. Muscle memory has my body moving in complete sync with my brain so I let my mind wander a bit.
Of course my mind wanders to Anna. She looks beautiful today even if she is in her buttoned up attire; but, when I look at her, I will always remember how she looked last night in the club. I've had some uncomfortable moments thinking about peeling her slowly out of that dress. She was equally appealing, although different, when I went to her room last night. Those shorts, very short, and tank top were both very revealing. I was too surprised at what she said about what happened with us before to process how she looked. Thankfully my brain took it all in so that I can remember it now. Especially the way her breasts pressed against the thin fabric of her top so that I could see the outline of her nipples.
"Sid!"
I notice at the last minute that I almost kicked Kuni doing his own kicks coming toward me. If I'd been paying attention then there would have been lots of room for both of us. I may have lots of muscle memory but I still need to focus on what I'm doing.
"Sorry Kuni" I say apologetically and we both continue in our own directions.
My mind goes back to Anna. Of course I didn't focus on how she looked last night. I was too stunned by what she said. There is no way I would have believed it in any other circumstances or from anyone else. I had sex with a girl and I don't remember it. The fact that Anna didn't tell me, or anyone else, and how embarrassed she was tells me that … oh shit! Did she tell Lauren? They're friends and don't girlfriends tell each other everything?
I break from my routine and look for Anna. Fortunately, I don't have to look far.
"Anna" I call after her.
She turns toward me, surprised but smiling.
"Hi Sid."
"Hi" I tell her, take her elbow and lead her to an empty hall.
"Is something wrong?" she asks me.
"No" I respond. "Maybe. Look, Anna, did you tell Lauren about you and me, you know?"
She looks appalled and takes a step back from me.
"Of course not" she tells me in a hushed tone. "I didn't tell anyone. Why would I?"
I can't help the slight sigh of relief.
"I didn't think you would but you and Lauren are friends, so I wondered" I let my sentence drift off at the end.
"Well I didn't" she tells me.
It's amazing to see the sudden and complete transformation of Anna in front of me. As she says 'well I didn't', I watch her literally straighten her spine, push her shoulders back and lift her chin up. I now understand what the word 'haughty' means. I'm watching it in front of me. It makes me laugh, unfortunately.
"What's so funny?" she demands.
Of course that makes me laugh more. I get an immediate image of a princess talking down to one of her loyal subjects. I've most certainly been put in my place.
"Sorry Anna" I tell her although it doesn't sound sincere since I'm still laughing. "You should see yourself right now. You're all buttoned up and professional, figuratively and literally, looking down your nose at me. It makes me want to muss you up."
The minute the words are out of my mouth I regret them. I want to get to know her better and this most definitely isn't the way to do it.
I'm entranced, no matter how much I try not to be, when her tongue darts out and moistens her bottom lip. She noticeably swallows and her eyes go wide. Clearly I affect her. This isn't a one-way attraction.
I step closer to her and cup her cheek with my hand. Briefly, too briefly, she leans in and nuzzles where I hold her cheek. As quickly as it happened, it's gone and then Anna is gone back down the hallway we came from.
I'm rattled. The attraction I feel for her is obvious, to me at least, and she must feel it too. She was an enthusiastic participant in our encounter outside the club. For a moment, she was exactly where I was and nuzzled my hand. Even when I left her last night, and gave her a brief kiss, she responded to me.
So why is she reticent the rest of the time like walking away now?
Maybe I can talk with her tonight after the game. It feels vital that I know how she feels and she know where my head is at. Even though she said that she was ok with what happened between us at the end of last season, maybe she isn't as ok as she thinks or says. How could a girl be ok with a guy who has sex with her and forgets her? Not for the first time, I feel a shiver of disgust go through me. How could I be 'that guy' and especially to a great girl like Anna?
I hear someone yell 'soccer' and pull myself out of my thoughts. I need to get my head in the game and fast. This is the first meeting with the Rangers and we need to win this one. It will do a lot for the psyche of the team to win and put last year's loss behind us. I give my head a shake and jog to where the guys are starting two-touch.
Anna
They won the game. The locker room is full of laughter and joy at beating the Rangers. Both Sid and Geno got a goal and Geno has two points with an assist. He's going to be really funny with the media tonight, I can tell already. That's good because here come the reporters.
Many, if not most, go directly to Sid. The next largest group is around Geno and I try to get close enough to hear everything. The visitor's locker room at the Gardens is tiny with all of these people in here. I can't hear most of the questions and I definitely can't hear the answers.
I use Olli's shoulder to help me stand up on the bench beside Geno. From here, I can see and hear both the reporters' questions and Geno's answers. He looks surprised for a moment when he notices me standing on the bench but then goes back to answering the questions. When I see that it's time to end the scrum, I shout out "last question." When Geno has answered it, the reporters dispersed. Usually they'd go on to talk with other players but they need to file their stories and get to New Jersey just like we do.
As I look down, I wonder how I'm going to get off of this bench. In my straight skirt, I don't have enough flexibility to sit down. In my high heels, jumping is out of the question too. Crap.
"Here" Geno says next to me.
Before I can react, his hands are around my waist and then I'm on the floor. He lifted me as if I weighed nothing. He's clearly in really good shape.
"Thanks" I tell him and pray that I'm not turning red.
He smiles and goes back to removing his gear.
"Good move" I hear and turn to see Jen.
Is she serious or kidding? Did I do the wrong thing or the right thing?
"I've had to do that a couple of times myself" she continues. "At my height, I can never see over the reporters and in this locker room, forget it. We've got an hour before we need to be on the road" she reminds me and then disappears down the hall.
I look back at the locker room and all of the players are gone to the showers. When we're on the road, the guys tend to focus on getting out the door, on the bus and onto the next city quickly.
As Jen said, we're all on the train and on our way to New Jersey within an hour. The players are all sitting together and eating dinner. I'm sitting with Adam and he's entertaining me with his ideas for what we should do in Washington. There's a restaurant or a bar he has always wanted to try so we have to go to it according to him.
I am definitely not looking forward to Washington. There will undoubtedly be a politician or two at the game and, since everyone knows that my dad may announce he's running in the next presidential election, I'm sure they'll want to say hello to me. Of course they'll hope that I tell my father that they stopped by to see me. I hate politics.
The trip to New Jersey is blessedly short and I'm in my hotel room quickly. The travel coordinator takes care of checking us in and out of the hotels so it's one less thing that we have to worry about. I decline Adam's request to have a drink in the bar and go directly to my room. It's 1am and I'm exhausted.
I do take the time for a bath and soak away the long day. Freshly scrubbed and pampered, I'm just checking email when my phone buzzes.
'Can I come to your room?'
The text from Sid gives me déjà vu. This is exactly what I didn't want to happen. Sid has tried to talk to me all day after our conversation in the hallway. I've started feeling rude with how much I've been avoiding him and the number of times I've ducked away from him when he's approached me. It's my guilt that answers his request.
'Sure room 814'
This time I have the forethought to put on a sweatshirt over my tank top. I don't have time to put on jeans so shorts and a sweatshirt will have to do. There's a knock on the door.
"Hi" Sid says and smiles when I open the door.
"Hi" I reply and back up to let him in.
He does and sits in the desk chair which leaves me with the bed. We sit facing each other and I wait for him to speak. After all, he is the one who asked to come to me.
"I feel like I should be apologizing for our conversation earlier; but, I have to be honest, I'm really not sure what I did. I just know that you walked away kind of suddenly" he tells me.
Now I feel really guilty. How do I push him away without hurting him? There has to be a way. I hate that he feels like he has to apologize.
"It's nothing to do with you" I lie. It's uncomfortable how easy it is to lie to him and not for the first time either. "I was just overwhelmed by the family from Make a Wish."
Sid's eyes narrow and he tilts his head. I maintain his gaze while he thoughtfully watches me. He must come to a conclusion because he gives me a small smile.
"Yeah, that kid was great" he says.
At least we're on easier ground now talking about work.
"Sam was so cute" I tell him. "When he met Geno and shook his hand, the kid had to crane his neck back to see up to Geno's face. I thought it might be awkward and that Geno may not know how to talk to a five year old but it was fine. Sam was quiet all the way from where I met him and his parents and down to the locker room. That made me even more worried; but, as soon as he shook Geno's hand, Sam started talking and didn't stop. He asked Geno about winning the Stanley Cup, living in Russia, why he uses a one piece stick instead of two. He really went on and on."
Sid chuckles and says "he seemed like a good kid."
"It was nice of you telling him that Geno is the best guy on the team, sort of. You implied it is why he goes out last."
"Much of the time, Geno is the best guy on our team."
Sid is being sincere when he says this about Geno. Most players think that Sid is the best player in the world and here Sid is saying that Geno is often the best guy on their team. It's refreshing to see that humility with a professional athlete. It doesn't mean that Sid doesn't think he's good, and he knows that he's the best the rest of the time, but he gives Geno his due too.
"Why does Geno go out last rather than you?" I ask.
"When Geno came to the Pens, we talked about who should go out last because I did before he got here and he did in Russia. His English was almost non-existent but he as able to tell me he had three years in the Russian 'super league'. I found out that it meant he was in the pro league for three years compared to my one year."
"And that's why he goes out last?"
"Yep, it made sense to me."
Of course it made sense to Sid. He was the best player on the team, on his way to being the best player in the world, and he thought it as fair that Geno went out last because he was in the pros longer. Sid may have a lot of confidence in his ability but he doesn't have the ego that most many athletes. His sense of fairness and willingness to be a team-player are incredibly, well, Sidney.
"It's just like you."
"What do you mean?" Sid asks me.
I'm not even aware that I spoke my thoughts out loud until Sid asked me that question.
"I mean that" I stop. How do I explain what I mean? "You always put others first. Most captains would insist that they go out last. Hell, they wouldn't even have the conversation with another player never mind let another player go out last. Yet you not only ask Geno about it but then let him take that spot in the lineup."
Sid frowns like he's trying to figure something out. He just stares at me quietly. It's really disconcerting.
After a few moments, his brow clears and he gives me a small smile. I'm surprised when he stands and then comes over to the bed to sit beside me. He is close enough that I can feel the warmth of his body next to mine, I feel the warmth spread through me and warm me everywhere. I'm startled when his hand moves and covers mine. The warmth becomes heat, an intense heat that flows through me quickly.
Sid laces his fingers with mine and the light but steady pressure is confusing. Why is he here? Why is he holding my hand? I still haven't figured out why he kissed me last night. Oh my God, was that only last night? There is absolutely no reason that Sid should be here, holding my hand, or kissing me last night?
Regardless of my brain's confusion, my body seems to understand and shivers as Sid runs his thumb slowly across my knuckles. Traitor. My body is a traitor. It is betraying me quickly and over and over. His thumb continues its slow exploration of my knuckles and my body, the traitor that it is, continues to respond. The shiver becomes heat. The heat moves and I can feel my nipples tighten, my stomach ripples and between my legs, oh God, between my legs I can feel moisture pool.
How is it that my body can react so intensely, so outrageously to only his hand on mine and thumb rubbing over my knuckles? Maybe I'm remembering our kiss last night. Or maybe I'm remembering that night, many months ago, that Sid only vaguely remembers.
"This has never happened to me before" he whispers.
I'm startled by his words; both the words themselves and that he's spoken. I was so caught up in my own thoughts that he startled me.
"I'm serious Anna, this has never happened to me before."
Oh, I get it. He's talking about what happened that night at Beau's house. He needs me to know that it's unlike him and he is really concerned that I'm going to think badly of him. He's such a nice guy.
"I know that Sid" I reply. "I've never done anything like that before either. It was totally unlike me."
"No" he says. "I'm not talking about 'that' night. I'm talking about last night and tonight. I've never done anything like this, with anyone, ever."
Oh. But what does he mean by 'this?' What is he doing? Well, I know what he's doing, but … I'm so confused. Maybe if I was more experienced with this kind of thing then I would know what he's talking about. Maybe then I'd know what to say or do.
I feel Sid shift beside me and his free hand cups my cheek to turn my gaze toward him. His eyes darken as they stare into mine and his hand pulls me toward him. I can't do anything but lean into him and close my eyes as his lips touch mine. Hesitantly, his lips move exploring, slowly coaxing mine. It takes me a few moments to catch up to what is actually happening. My brain tells me that I should pull away and tell him that I'm not interested. This is dangerous for me personally and professionally. I could lose my job but, more importantly, I could lose my heart. None of this is more important right now than the feel of Sid's lips against mine so I give in.
I press my hand against his at my cheek and respond to his lips with my own. I hear a slight catch in his breath when he feels our hands meet, my lips move, and he turns his body more fully toward mine. My body heats with every place that his touches mine especially when his fingers tighten on my cheek. I release his hand and place mine on his shoulder before sliding up his neck, cheek and into his hair. His hand slides to my shoulder, waist, hip and then settles on my lower back so that he can pull me toward him.
At first, I resist and pull slightly back from him instead. We're both breathing hard but don't move any further away from each other. It's as if we're both trying to figure out which way we want to go: toward or away from each other.
"Anna" Sid whispers.
It's not a question. He simple says my name softly, reverently, and waits for me to make a decision.
My problem is that I can remember it all. I remember what it feels like to be in his arms. I can remember the feel of his lips on my skin, his hard, naked body covering my own and his hands everywhere at once. The memories pull at me stronger than the smart part of my brain.
I pull Sid's head down to mine and take his lips with my own. Sid catches up quickly and pulls me onto his lap so that I'm straddling him while his lips travel down my jaw and over my neck. His hands move down to my hips and pull me against him. I'm clinging to his shoulders and the thick, hard muscles there. His lips continue to kiss my neck until they reach my collar bone. He pulls back then so that we are nose to nose. The desire I see in his eyes terrifies me but, before I can process the fear, Sid has taken my lips again.
His tongue slides along the seam of my lips which open immediately for him. It seems my body will do whatever he demands. I no longer have control and I really can't seem to care right now. I lose all track of time as we kiss and explore but, at some point, I have to stop to catch my breath. God this man can kiss. I'm desperate for his lips and don't care if I'm still out of breath.
Sid's hands slide up from my hips and under my sweatshirt. The feeling of his hands on the bare skin of my back is electric. It also shocks me back into reality. I'm in a hotel room, alone, with a man I barely know putting my heart at risk again. What am I doing? This isn't smart. What if someone finds out or sees him leave my room?
I pull back from Sid and slide back onto the bed beside him. The only sound in the small room is our breathing. Out of the corner of my eye I watch Sid shift and can see his errection that I just felt against my core. It almost makes me forget again, almost.
"Um" I begin but don't know what to say. I've never been in this situation before and never even imaged that I ever would be. I have so little experience with men and yet I've found myself in this situation, alone with Sid. It's like there is a magnetic pull between us; but, I have my brain thinking again and my body is finally listening.
"Yeah" Sid says.
Is he mad? Did he expect this to happen? Oh God, did he come here thinking that we'd have sex since we've already done it even if Sid doesn't remember? I wish I had more experience and knew what to do right now.
"I didn't come here expecting this to happen" Sid says.
"Oh" is all I can reply.
"I just don't want you to think that's why I came. I really just wanted to see you and make sure that you were ok after our conversation earlier today. You seemed kind of weird."
"Weird how?"
"Just weird. So, we're ok?" he asks.
My lips are tingling and can still feel his. I know that they are swollen. My breasts are full and heavy and wishing for his touch. I can still feel his erection grinding into my core. How can we ever be ok?
"Yeah Sid, of course we're ok."
He smiles and says "good. I better go. We don't have practice but we do have meetings in the morning and then the game."
"Ok" I tell him.
I walk with him to the door and feel so uncomfortable. What does he expect? What do I do now?
I'm saved having to figure it out because Sid kisses me, lingering for a moment, and then leaves the room.
"Good night" he says before the door shuts behind him.
I lean my forehead on the back of door Sid just left. What am I going to do now?