A/N: Well, what a week huh? And a bit of a bummer but, it has not hampered my writing spirit. So as well as starting a new story (It's all for you), please give that a read…here is the next chap of my little epic. Enjoy the fluff. Evil hat is getting quite restless for a leap back in so expect it very soon.
As always, thank you so, so much to SSC for your uber input on this chapter. A big chunk comes from her. Think the next one is all mine because she doesn't want me to do what I'm about to do. Lol, that makes a change!
Thank you very much for all the great reviews and constant support. Please keep your reviews coming. I think we all need each other in this time of uncertainty and if we stand strong, we will prevail!
Please, follow me on facebook – sidle77
GSR FOREVER!
Chapter 108
The captain waited until everyone had sat down to eat then immediately offered grace.
But before the crowd started their own various conversations he gave a knowing nod to his daughter.
Sara swallowed a slight lump in her throat and wondered why she suddenly felt anxious. True, this apprehension was nothing compared to the last time...but Sara wished such traditions weren't necessary. She was proud of her engagement; however, she would have preferred a less scrutinizing way to share her happy news.
Grissom noticed her father and to Sara's immense comfort, he seemed a little nervous himself.
If Thomas Sidle felt any emotion other than pride, he didn't show it as he approached the podium again. Laura, for her part, immediately followed, flashing a smile to both Sara and Grissom as she stood beside her husband.
The crowd seemed to expect something and they cast their collective attention to the host of such a fine banquet. There were a few murmurings as the crowd eventually hushed and an almost eerie silence fell upon the scene.
The captain smiled. "I know that there has been a lot of gossip concerning my former partnership with Jeffery McKeen and the engagement of my daughter to Hank Pettigrew. Most of you were here for that announcement and most of you also know how that all ended. Or at least, you think you do…"
A fresh batch of whispers and murmurs could be heard, much like the symphonies of various insects on a Maryland summer evening. But unlike nature, the guests were far more interested in the captain's next words so after a pregnant pause, they hushed accordingly.
Sara swallowed without moisture, unsure where her father was going.
The captain smiled again, once the attention of the crowd was back on him. "My father once told me that a man's worth can be determined on how his children turn out; that a child's nobility is a direct reflection of his own character…"
He looked at Sara and she felt a little uncomfortable. Grissom was now smiling with his hand securely in hers. Her hand gave his a nervous little squeeze.
Her father continued, a beaming expression on his and Laura's faces. "If that is true, then I am the noblest man ever born. I say this because not many men can say that their daughter was willing to sacrifice their future and happiness to save her parents."
The gatherings' eyes rested on Sara and she responded with a shy smile.
"My daughter did that by agreeing to marry Hank and fool that I was blessed that union. I can only say now that the only blessing there was that it did not occur." He took a breath before continuing. "Which now leaves my beautiful and noble daughter free to marry a man I feel is worthy of her, a man I think of as a son. I would welcome him into the family but I feel, as well as others do, that he's a member already.
And so, it is with the utmost joy, that I give my blessing to their union and it is with pleasure that I announce to you, the engagement of my daughter, Sara, to Gil Grissom."
"Is she going to do it this time, Thomas?" a voice from the crowd bellowed.
The crowd laughed, but Sara's cheeks burned from embarrassment.
Her mother's pout betrayed her anger but her father only gave a smirk.
"Well, Andy…" Thomas replied, "…everyone, I and my daughter included are permitted the occasional lapse in judgment. However, I can think of several here who abuse the privilege on a regular basis."
The crowd roared.
Sara felt as if she were floating on air as she made her way to the stage and into the arms of her parents, her cousins, then various friends and well wishers. It seemed surreal to her, to be officially engaged to a person that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.
And yet, more sinister feelings crept in, as unwanted as the frigid October air seeping through the crack in her bedroom window. Her father had taken the non typical move of explaining her horrid mistake of an engagement, even doing so in a way that painted her as truly heroic.
For that, she was inordinately grateful.
Despite her motivations, she had been officially engaged to be married to Hank...and not too long ago. Sara did care what people may have thought of her, for breaking a contract of marriage only to realign herself with another.
She didn't want people to be making fun of her family, of Grissom, to turn their happy moment into comedic relief.
But her thoughts were warmed within the next few seconds, the moment she found herself enveloped neatly in his arms, her form firmly against his chest. He hugged her in front of everyone, not seeming to care what anyone thought at all.
But the second he pulled back, Sara thought she saw the slight pink blush of embarrassment on his cheeks.
His eyes looked happy though. A fact that made her happy as well. His hand squeezed hers. "Come on, let's socialize."
Sara's eyebrow was up at the suggestion. Grissom wasn't the social type, but she allowed herself to be led wherever he wanted to go.
He gave her a wide grin that she couldn't help but return as they gathered food and talked with different people. Sara did notice how affectionate he seemed with her, not that he wasn't normally, but she wasn't accustomed to such an open display. He would touch her hand, drape an arm over her, or lean in close to say something to her.
There was a huge banquet: vegetables, cornbread, roast, soup, baked and sweet potatoes. All of it was delicious and Sara tried to remember when she ate so much. She had not gained back all the weight she had lost from the pneumonia, but she didn't mind the missing weight.
After all, it was a good way to keep from conceiving a child. Sara tried to think of what the knowledge of his dead mother, dying to give him life, must have done to him. After all, he wore the chain of a mother he never knew.
But she tried to concentrate on the evening, the general well wishes and congratulations. She was asked when the wedding might be, how large would it be, and paused. They hadn't had time yet for the details to be totally finalized.
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It was right before the second hayride when she decided that a cup of black coffee would open her lungs a touch. She and Grissom had just finished another round of dancing, when the combination of night air and exertion commenced another episode of wheezing.
She had gotten the coffee, anxious to get back to Grissom before the hayride started. When passing by the garden, she overheard rancorous laughter. She would have passed on by until she spotted Ecklie in the group. However, he wasn't laughing.
"He's getting something out of the bargain, admit it Conrad. You know he is," said Vincent Lurie.
Conrad seemed uncomfortable, but he answered. "Not that I'm aware of."
"Well Sara's a beauty," said Lurie, shaking his head. "But even a beauty can be ruined. No way would I hitch my plow to ground something that Pettigrew had been through."
The men laughed at the metaphor, save Conrad Ecklie, who looked almost pained.
"Bet she smells like Pettigrew," John Mathers cackled shrilly.
"Like the French say...eau de skunk," joked Lurie.
"This is one wedding night where it would be preferable for the bride to stay clothed." Lurie was now roaring with laughter.
"That's enough," Ecklie said in a low voice. "It's not hospitable to malign the host's daughter, plus he's my employer."
Sara didn't realize that she had moved behind the statue in the garden. But she couldn't hide from the hateful and cruel taunts of the men. She knew that rape was a terrible crime, or at least it felt that way to her. It added insult to injury that the bulk of disgust was firmly upon her. Nobody thought Hank was despicable for raping her, but all believed that she was dirty because he had.
What was worse was that she did feel used, filthy, and even ugly as a result of that one act.
Sara had tried to move on, to forget what Hank had done. She told herself that she was stronger than that, better than he was. After all, she had been rescued; she had the best man in the world as hers.
All this and yet inside she felt like dying. Like there was a part of her soul that died so completely that no light could ever shine upon it again. A part of her heart so cold that not even Grissom's love could warm it.
It was then she realized she was crying…crying on one of the happiest days of her life.
Crying because of Hank and his selfish, lewd act.
She realized helplessly that most likely that would always be true. That that darkness would cast a shadow upon any sunshine that dared to shine.
Oh God, would Gil be able to smell Hank on her? The thought disgusted her, who knows what someone else would think? The delicious food now turned sour and nausea threatened.
Sara stiffened and swallowed the bile back down. It was no time to wallow in her own miseries. She wouldn't give the horrid men that satisfaction.
But it seemed neither was her fiancé and she stiffened again as Grissom suddenly stepped from the shadows behind the cackling group. He looked angry. The last time she had seen him looking so angry was when he had burst in McKeen's to save her from Hanks clutches.
She took a tiny step forward, watching, but didn't interfere…yet.
"Is this conversation open to anyone?" he growled.
The three men turned in surprised all looking very shocked to see Grissom standing behind them. Ecklie took several steps backwards as Grissom advanced but the other two men stood firm.
"Ah…" Mathers began, "…if it isn't the Knight in shining armor…" Both name callers giggled.
Grissom laughed but it wasn't in humor. His pupils dilated as he swiftly launched his right arm towards Mather's catching him square in the nose. The younger man quickly landed on his ass looking very stunned.
Sara was torn as to whether she should step in or not. On one hand, this was not appropriate behavior on her fiancés part, especially given the occasion and her father would not be happy if he knew what was happening. On the other, Grissom was defending her honor so it would be a fault of hers should she try and stop him. He wouldn't like that.
Thankfully, Ecklie aided her decision as he stepped in between the men. He placed, a hand and a nervous one at that one Grissom's chest, pushing him back as Lurie took numerous steps away from him looking a little more afraid than he had a few seconds ago.
"How dare you!" Grissom shouted to both men as Ecklie fought to keep him back.
"Don't, Gil," Ecklie pleaded. "They aren't worth it."
Mathers, still on his ass, held a hand to his face. "You broke my nose," he gargled, blinking hard. "You broke my damn nose…" he repeated on a whimper.
Grissom looked Ecklie in the eye. "Back off," he demanded.
"Don't ruin your evening over these idiots, Gil," the worker advised.
The rancher continued to stare Ecklie down until he conceded and stepped aside. "Fine…"
Grissom took another step forwards, his glare floating between Mathers and Lurie. He pointed a firm finger to both. "You have no respect!"
Lurie bent and hurriedly helped his friend up with the injured Mathers struggling to stay on his feet.
"You are nothing but foulmouthed, insensitive, conniving, gossiping vultures and so help me, GOD, if you do not get your ass off this land now, I am going to introduce both of you to my rifle and you can see exactly what kind of a hero I am." His arm dropped, his fingers clenching. "Or I can inform the captain exactly what you just said. I'm sure he may consider showing you his armory instead…"
Holding up a hand, Lurie pulled Mathers arm, "We're going," he bit back. "This party stinks of whore anyway."
Now Grissom's eyes bulged and he leapt into attack mode again but this time Ecklie was fast and grabbed him before he had chance to throw another punch.
"Get the hell outta here!" Ecklie shouted to the now unwanted guests trying his best to hold Grissom back. "And I'd advise you don't come back anytime soon…"
The two men quickly scuttled away.
"Calm down, Gil," Ecklie just about managed to say before Grissom managed to pull himself free, pushing his holder away with a fierce joust. Ecklie almost lost his balance but managed to catch himself before stumbling.
Sara watched on, ensuring she kept out of sight. Grissom panted, anger still flowing through every pore of his body.
"I could…could…kill them," the rancher spat. "They have no right…"
Ecklie sighed. "No they don't," he agreed. "But we all know what people are like. They go on rumor and innuendo. It makes for an easier life. Both of us have learned that first hand, remember?"
Grissom now calmed a little, realizing Ecklie's words were true but it still didn't make him feel any better.
"You going to be alright?"
Looking to the sky, Grissom nodded. "Just give me a minute."
"Sure," Ecklie agreed. "I'll…" he pointed over his shoulder, "…head back to…"
"You do that," Grissom cut him short.
Ecklie stepped away, leaving Grissom to the silence of the lantern lit garden.
Sara watched for another minute more before retreating back to the party, her mind a muddle. She wasn't exactly sure what else to do.
She didn't see him look in her direction as she walked away…
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Grissom surprised her when he caught up to her. He still looked angry, but his expression softened the moment his eyes fell upon her.
"Let's go," he tugged at her hand.
Sara assumed he was referring to the hayride but she was shocked when he led her away from the gathering. The air cooled, the wind blew brisk and the night grew darker, but Sara only followed him silently.
Finally he spoke, "I've had enough socializing. I just want to spend some time with you."
She only nodded, but then noticed that there weren't too many places they could go.
Grissom seemed to read her mind, a habit that never failed to surprise her. Gently, he looked at her. "I can't wait until we are married so we can spend time together without sneaking around."
The tone in which he said the words had a slight edge. It reminded Sara of the apparent anger just a few minutes ago. She knew what had upset him but she thought he didn't know she knew.
"Are you angry?"
He stopped and looked at her. "No, Dear...well..." he sighed. "Yes…and…just tired of all the socializing, I guess."
Sara wasn't sure whether or not to confront him about had happened. However, she chose to let the matter drop, for her own heart was heavy also.
Her heart skipped a beat when Grissom opened the door to the barn. The hay chaff made her cough but it was sweet smelling and warm.
Grissom spread a multicolored blanket across a heap of fresh straw. She was surprised when he seemed to pull it out of nowhere.
Sara waited until he settled himself on it and smiled at her.
"Sit with me?" he asked with a smile.
She did so, moving close beside him. Grissom grabbed another stable blanket and spread it over them to protect them from the cooler air. Immediately, his arm was around her and she forced a smile at the contact.
"Sara...Honey…" His voice was suddenly low and serious. His free hand cupped her chin tilting it up to meet his eyes. "Those bastards..."
Here eyes immediately saw in his that he knew she had witnessed the incident. She heard it in his voice too.
"It's okay," she immediately replied even if a little too quickly. "I'm...okay." But the chin in his hand quivered her dark eyes teary.
"Are you?" he challenged.
She seemed to fidget. "Well, maybe we should...I mean...wait a while before the wedding...it's not right."
"Sara," he warned. His head moved close to hers. "We've discussed this."
"I don't want to disgust you." She swallowed hard, her voice raspy.
"Sara..." His voice was so serious that Sara shivered. "…please. It's not like that."
Her eyes darkened. Her forehead rested against his, her pulse quickened. "I love you but..."
His thumb began to softly caress her cheek. Their breath mingled as he spoke. "I became a man in one of Heathers rooms; I used to go there occasionally. There was one girl I liked most, her name was Julia. She was a prostitute and I was never disgusted by her. She was pretty; she smelled nice. Her body felt good to me. I know it's not the same…by no means…but…I did not feel revolted because she had…been with others."
Sara blushed with the intimate confession. It was one of those moments Grissom found her most alluring, when that becoming rose pink colored her cheeks and her eyes were wide, dark and full of want. His eyes dropped to her lips to see her gnawing lightly at the bottom one. His thumb brushed across it, freeing it from her teeth.
God, he was so aroused. She did things to him that was thrilling. If she only knew the effect she had on him, the power she unknowingly wielded by just looking at him.
And she believed that she could somehow repulse him.
He wanted her, physically yes. The manly parts of him throbbed for her, to feel himself sheathed inside her, to experience her spasming, tightening around him when she peaked. But it was more than that. He wanted to unite with her soul, feel his heart beat so close to hers that individual rhythms would be indiscernible.
Grissom cupped her face, feeling his pulse pounding in his fingers as they ran over her silken skin.
Sara's eyes touched his, her lashes fluttered in shyness. Grissom could almost feel her internal struggle, the slight stiffness of her posture belied her apprehension, but those beautiful brown eyes also reflected a quiet desire.
But it was her anxiety that seemed to dominate her at that moment. "Gil, it's not the same…" Her hand wrapped around his wrist, her long fingers trembling.
"Do you have any idea?" His voice was husky with the desire he couldn't hide. "How much I long for you? More than I have ever wanted anyone. You are softer, sweeter and more beautiful to me than any other. There's no way, Sara, no way that you could quench that."
She wanted to believe that. Her heart strained to hear his words, to hold them close. But her heart began to fail her, remembering a time where she felt anything but loved.
He seemed again to sense her struggle. The fingers on her cheeks feathered across her skin, using the pads of his fingers to touch her. Something sparked in her gut and a slow warmth began to run along her nerves. Her eyes drifted closed; her breath was now slightly labored.
"I want to kiss you," he said softly.
Her eyes fluttered open. Her breath stopped for a second. Oh, God, she wanted him too.
She was scared he would. But most of all, she feared he would and memories of Hank would steal the moment away, poisoning any happiness.
And that would mean she would fail him.
"I..." she began, "…don't know. I want you to; I want to feel good again, but I'm..."
He kissed one cheek, slowly as if savoring the feel of his lips against her smooth skin. "I want to help you feel good again." He then kissed the other cheek and Sara had to admit that these slow deliberate chaste kisses did feel good.
"I thought of you then," she confessed hurriedly. "I thought, if I could think about you..." Her voice dropped off, unable to say anymore.
"Think of me now," he whispered as his fingers brushed over her face.
The mistiness of her eyes began to transform into tears. "I think of you all the time," she said hoarsely. "The problem is that... Hank shows up too...despite the fact I don't want him to."
He did understand, though it pained him to do so. However, the emotion and desire he felt at that moment remained unhampered by her confession. In fact, they also bolstered for Sara didn't move away. Their eyes were still locked; her hands now on his shoulders cupping them like he held her cheeks.
He lowered his hands to her shoulders, bringing her against his chest, close enough he could feel the heaving of her breasts against his heart. Close enough that he could hold her fully in his arms, the way he knew she liked.
The same way he liked...
Her fingers now played in his hair, her nails lightly scratching his scalp, sending shivers down his spine.
He wanted to wait for her to consent to a kiss; it would have made him feel better, but his desire for her was unrelenting in it's torture. He kissed her cheeks again, her eyes, the line of her jaw.
At first she stiffened, the response blunted. She trembled in his arms. He stopped but only briefly, placing his cheek against hers and inhaling the sweet scent of her hair. Her breaths emerged as tiny rapid gasps; her hand clutching his bicep.
It did bother him, to realize that he didn't have the same effect on her that she obviously did him. That she struggled to receive pleasure from him, especially when he wanted to give it so badly.
But just as he was about to force himself away from her, she turned slightly so her lips met his cheek. The deeper intake of air into her lungs was so deep that her breasts swelled against his chest.
It was only then he dared to look at her again, too afraid that he had failed her until that moment.
"Are you all right?" he asked in her ear.
She nodded shakily.
Gently positioning her on the blanket so he could better look into her eyes in the dim light, he waited for her to elaborate but she didn't.
So he took the lead.
Leaning in close, he traced the outline of her lips with his index finger, causing tiny goose bumps to form upon her skin. He kept tracing until her lips parted slightly. It was only then that he removed his finger, replacing it with his lips.
At first he just teased her a little, nipping at her bottom lip with his, using the tip of his tongue to trace her lips. Sara retracted but the fact her head was on the blanket made the movement less than successful.
Grissom didn't stop, rather he simply just kissed her chastely, making contact, pulling back and making contact again. Waiting for her to be ready for more and eventually her lips softened beneath his.
Sara wanted to give in fully to him, allow him to lead her wherever he wanted. And she knew what he wanted, and she wanted to want him back…