Moves

"It's been almost a month, Olivia. How are you?"

Dr. Lindstrom's eyes drilled into Olivia's. Since the Lieutenant had foregone regular weekly visits, his natural assumption was that something in her life was troubling her.

"It's been a year."

Confusion crossed the doctor's face.

"Since Dodds died," she clarified.

"And you're feeling…" He paused, leaving it up to her to complete the sentence.

"The thing is, I hadn't been feeling anything," Olivia began, "So much has happened since then. We're getting a new house, I got married, I have Sarah and Brooke, we went to Paris, and then, of course, my job."

"Well, then, the question is, have you mourned and experienced the full cycle of grief or have all these other wonderful things in your life delayed it?"

"I don't know. We, Ed and I and Rollins, went to the cemetery today. Mike's mother conducted this, I'm not sure what it was, but a memorial ceremony."

"And, how did you react? Being faced with his death all over again?"

"I'm sad for Chief Dodds." Olivia told him about meeting the Chief and his son for drinks and initially being reluctant to even mention Sarah or Brooke or Noah because talking about her family emphasized the gaping hole in his.

"You'll probably always be sad for him," Lindstrom counseled, "But you cannot feel guilty for your happiness. Every time you're here, you absolutely light up when you talk about Ed and the kids. You don't see yourself do it, but I do, and I'm sure others do as well; nobody is judging you for being happy, Olivia, and you cannot judge yourself for it, either."

She fell silent as she absorbed what he said.

"There's another thing."

"What's that?"

She explained what happened after the Terrence Reynolds verdict and how much she'd been consumed by anxiety and worry when Ed was sent to the very neighborhood where Terrence died. "He was right in the middle of it," she said, "The potential…for riots, for firebombs, who knows what, it was all right in front of me. I was scared. I'm afraid I'll lose him. I don't know what I would do if I lost him. I feel…like everything is so fragile, or maybe even temporary." Tears welled in her eyes and she reached for a tissue. "Like, sometimes I'll wake up in the morning and have some time to myself, think about how happy I am…and then, inevitably, I think about how devastated I'd be if it all went away."

"Olivia, nothing is guaranteed, but, on the other side of the coin, you are not cursed. Your life is extraordinary, yes, and what you consider to be normal—husband, kids, family—you have it now. It came in a non-traditional way, but it's there. You've got to seize it; constantly worrying about losing your loved ones diminishes your capacity to truly enjoy your life."

Olivia stopped crying. "I didn't realize Ed transferring from IAB would affect me like this."

"Well, it's been about a year since he made the switch, right?"

"Yes."

"And, just recently, that was the first time you sensed there was heightened danger?"

Olivia nodded.

"In your jobs, those things happen, Olivia. The shooting and those indictments, the trial, all of it, generally speaking, was a unique situation, and you responded appropriately. When circumstances are beyond the norm, it's our human nature to be alarmed. And you, even though you think you've seen it all, are not exempt from that truth."

Olivia pressed her lips together. A recurrent theme of Lindstrom's was that she was not superhuman, and if she tried to be, disappointment would inevitably follow. Yet, that point was distressing. She was more comfortable with her vulnerability and imperfections because of Ed; without him, the stability and support he provided crumbled.

Lindstrom yanked her out of her thoughts, "Olivia, your days of feeling abandoned are over. You have to accept that. There is no point in torturing yourself with worst-case scenarios."

She let the command swirl around in her head. There was no point in asking how exactly to do this; Olivia knew what to do. She'd spent her entire life working through issues like this one, only now she had Ed, Noah, and the girls in her life. Sometimes she didn't know which was worse—being alone or having everything and being afraid it will suddenly be taken away.

"I've told you previously," Lindstrom continued, "Spend your energy loving them. That, you can control."

Olivia smiled, accepting this. Time was up, and there were boxes, a husband, and a three-year-old waiting for her at home.

"Olivia, one more thing."

"What's that?"

Lindstrom smiled. "I'm thrilled for you. Truly thrilled. And I want you to be thrilled for yourself."

I'll try.

…..

"Yes, Ed, right there."

"Here?"

Olivia groaned, "No, just a little…are you ok?"

"This position's a little awkward."

"Almost there. Ok. Stop!"

Ed held the ceiling fan's globe in both hands while balanced precariously on a ladder. He and Olivia left most of the renovating to hired help, but the man of the house insisted on doing some things himself. Installing Noah's ceiling fan fell into that category. Olivia stood under him with her arms extended, ready to cushion his fall if he tumbled backwards. She didn't want him hurt, but, if he tumbled down, she would have trouble mustering sympathy. Of all the projects he undertook, she was baffled as to why the ceiling fans were one of them.

Once the ceiling plate and globe were facing the way Olivia wanted them, Ed got to work connecting the wires.

"The electricity's off, right?" Olivia asked.

Ed laughed, "Uh, yeah, if it weren't I'd be electrocuted by now."

"But the kitchen lights are on."

"The breaker's by room."

Olivia was clueless. "Oh."

"Screwdriver, please."

Olivia handed him the tool, lightly poking his behind in the process.

"Hey." He snapped playfully. "Not now."

"You're doing such a good job up there. It's kinda sexy."

"Save the flirting for later, sweetheart."

Olivia put her hands on the back of his thighs.

"Liv."

"I'm just bracing you," she replied innocently.

Ed said something, but the buzz of the electric screwdriver droned over his words. Once the first two screws were in and the fan was secure, he could resume a more natural stance and Olivia stepped back.

"Blades," he requested.

One by one she fed him the blades. After the fourth and final one was in, he clapped his hands. "Ok, let's see if it works. Be right back. I'm gonna turn the power back on."

Ed returned, handed Olivia the fan's remote control and flipped the switch on the wall. She hit the remote and played with the different settings. It worked perfectly.

"Nice job," she complimented.

He sidled up to her. "Thanks. Let's, uh, leave it on. If it falls I'd rather have it happen when it's just us here."

"I don't think it'll fall," Olivia purred, going in for a kiss.

"No?"

"No, you did a perfect installation." Olivia brought her hand to his face. It was damp and flushed. His hairline was matted where he'd wiped sweat from his brow.

"Movers will be back at the apartment at two."

Ed and Olivia decided to do some minor work at their new home because the new living room set—a sectional, large easy chair, a coffee table, and two side tables were scheduled for delivery. Sarah, Brooke, and Noah were at the old place, tasked with taping and labeling. The moving company was scheduled for early the next morning. Tonight would be their last sleep in the old place.

The breeze created by the new fan wafted over them as they shared a few kisses among the few Noah things they'd brought over so far. The rocking chair was in a corner, and, in the opposite corner was the spot Ed reserved for the new train table, twice as long as his old one. Under the windows were built-in shelves which already held most of his books. For the first time, he had a closet, and Olivia had already filled it.

Olivia hugged Ed tightly and swayed with him in the middle of the room, "I love the blue on the walls…not too light and not too dark."

"I love that it's three times the size of what he had before."

"He'll grow up in this room," Olivia mused.

"Yeah." He rubbed her back and kissed her head, "He'll get ready for his first date in here." Ed felt her body shake with laughter.

"I was thinking more about…his first day of school."

Ed continued in a sly voice, "He'll sneak his first girlfriend in here when we're sleeping…"

"Ed!"

"He'll sneak out of here while we're sleeping…"

"I'm so glad I'm not alone in this."

"I'm lookin' forward to experiencing all of it with you, Liv. All of it."

Right before their kiss departed from innocent, the buzz of the intercom pierced the quiet.

"Couch." Ed mumbled, his lips still on hers.

"Come on," Olivia took him by the hand, "I can't wait to see how it looks."

While they waited for the delivery men to arrive via the service elevator, Olivia noticed something on the newly installed granite counter and it enticed her to give Ed one more quick smooch.

The family cookbook he'd purchased several weeks ago was strategically placed next to the range.

…..

Detective Dumas was already in the squad room when Olivia arrived. Rollins was there, too, working at her desk.

"Morning, Lieutenant," she said, hardly looking up from her computer. "Dume brought bagels."

"Good morning," Olivia replied, passing on the bagels. "Hi Detective."

"Hey, Lieutenant."

"Why don't you come on back?"

Dumas followed her apprehensively and closed the door behind him.

"Have a seat," Olivia offered collegially. "So, it's been a long time for you. Good to be back?"

"Yeah, listen, Lieutenant, I know you're probably not particularly happy about this, uh, arrangement, but I think if I just prove myself, again, I may be able to get outta your hair."

Olivia frowned. "That's not really what I want to hear, Dume."

"It's not? Dodds told me you weren't pleased."

"He said that?"

"Not in so many words, but I got the message."

Dismay clouded her face. What the hell was wrong with the Chief? "I was surprised," she explained slowly. "Look, I know you're good police, and I want you to be comfortable here. What I don't want is for you to think of this as temporary. At least give it a sincere try. If you're just biding your time until something better comes along, then we have a problem."

"Message received."

"Welcome to SVU," she said with a smile.

He returned the grin. "Thanks, Lieutenant. I'll get to work. Rollins has me on street cams."

"Let me know if you get something."

…

"Liv, I can't find Noah."

The pretend panic in Ed's voice suggested he could find Noah.

"Shhh," Olivia hissed.

Tiny footsteps echoed throughout the cacophonous space as Noah pattered from one hiding spot to another.

"I think I hear something," Olivia announced loudly.

"I don't know," Ed replied doubtfully, "I think he's gone. Maybe, when the movers took his bed, he was still in it?"

"Uh-oh."

"Noah?"

"Noah, sweet boy? Are you here?"

"I guess we'll have to move without him," Ed concluded with exaggerated sadness, "I guess we bought all those new trains for nothing."

"We'll have to take them back."

Noah fell for his parents' bribe and came sprinting out from behind a pile of boxes labeled "bathroom" and into his mother's arms. He looked around frantically.

"You take trains back?"

Ed chuckled, "No, bud, the trains are already over in your new room, so it's a good thing we found you!" Included in the living room furniture delivery was a new table, long enough to accommodate the additional track Ed purchased.

"I hide in the boxes."

"We thought the movers took you!"

Noah giggled, "I right here, Mommy!"

Olivia hugged him tightly and let out a sigh of relief. "Now, do you think we can find your shoes? Sarah and Brookey are going to take you to lunch while the men move the rest of the boxes."

Noah squirmed to get down, "I have the shoes." He disappeared among the maze of cardboard and reappeared with his Adidas Velcro sneakers.

"Need help getting them on, bud?"
"No, Daddy, I do it." Noah sat and fumbled with the footwear for a minute but successfully got the shoes on the correct feet and tightened the straps.

"I ready. Where the sisters?"

Ed punched in Sarah's contact information and handed Noah his phone. "Here ya go, bud, it's Sarah."

Noah held the phone to his ear and paced through the barren living room like he was in the middle of an extremely important call. "Hi Sarah!"

Ed easily heard his daughter's reply. God, she was loud.

"Hi Noey!"

"Where are you? I fawt you eat pizza with me!"

Noah turned to Ed, "Sisters down there."

"What?"

Noah scampered over to the window and tried to pull himself up to look out with one hand while dangling the phone with the other. Ed took it from him before he dropped it.

"Sare?"

"We're downstairs, Dad, we just hit the buzzer."

"We didn't hear it. Hit it again."

"I did hit it again."

"Didn't hear it."

"Dad, just let us in, jeez."

Ed hustled over to buzz them in and when he returned Olivia was grinning from ear to ear.

"What?"

"You're hilarious."

…

Olivia meandered through the empty apartment, opening closets and drawers, making sure they hadn't overlooked anything. Her inspection was a mere formality; she knew the apartment was devoid of all their belongings. Ed was leaning against the counter doing something on his phone. An assortment of extra keys were laid out in front of him and two plastic iced coffee cups hovered in puddles of condensation.

"Well, this is it," Olivia said.

He slid the phone in his pocket and held his arms out for her. "Yeah. How do you feel?"

She collapsed into him. "So much has happened here—everything from the worst time in my life to the best times. I guess I feel…strong. Like, I survived all these horrible things and came out on the other side with Noah and you and Sarah and Brooke, and I'm excited to move on with all of you."

"You're a survivor, Liv. I love that about you."

She breathed into his shoulder, soaking up the security of his embrace.

"But, you deserve, so much, to be happy and at peace…I'm gonna make sure that's what our new home is all about."

"You're so optimistic."

"Maybe," he replied and kissed her head, "But ever since we got together, that's all I've wanted to do."

"You have." She leaned back to look at him, "And you're also quite sappy at the moment, Captain. I like it."

"I love you so much. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"Ed."

"I'm serious." He gazed intently at her, "You gave me a chance to love you. That wasn't easy."

She gave him a quick peck on the lips, "Give yourself some credit. I'm not the only one who had to let my guard down."

"Yeah, I really had to prove I was lovable."

"That didn't take long."

"It seemed like forever."

Olivia ran her fingers through his hair and lovingly gazed at him. He looked back at her with pursed lips and a vulnerability that he only allowed her to see.

"I saw Lindstrom earlier this week."

"I know."

Olivia didn't usually give him details of her sessions, but she did tell him when she went.

"You know what he told me before I left?"

"What's that?"

"He said that I needed to be thrilled for myself."

"Are you?"

"I'm thrilled for us, Ed. That's how I feel right now. Absolutely thrilled for us."

He brought her in for one last kiss. They held each other tightly and remained locked in the tender smooch for a few minutes, eyes open for part of the time, soaking up the history and passion they shared with one another.

"We better go," Olivia whispered when they paused to catch a collective breath.

Ed kissed her forehead, "We'll continue this later?"

"I'm looking forward to it."

"Leave the keys here or with the doorman?"

"Doorman."

Ed slid the keys into his hand and deposited them in an envelope. Olivia collected their cups and used her sleeve to dry the damp rings. Hand in hand, they walked out of the apartment, taking one last over-the-shoulder glance before closing the door for the final time.

…

Noah took what the adults estimated to be his tenth lap through the apartment. He started in the foyer, skipped the office which was crammed with nonessential boxes, peeked in the closets, scampered along the perimeter of the combined living room and dining room, circled the kitchen island, entered the hallway leading to the bedrooms, darted in and out of his parents' room, peeked into the hall bathroom, and then collapsed on his bed for a few minutes before running the route again, this time in reverse order.

"Is there a unit below you?" Brooke asked as if she expected an angry neighbor to come knocking at any minute.

"I assume so," Ed responded. "But I think there's concrete between floors. We've never heard anyone."

"How often have you been here?" Sarah asked. She had a jovial glint in her eye suggesting she knew Ed and Olivia had snuck away to christen and, perhaps, rechristen the place.

Ed answered matter-of-factly, "We've been here a lot—painters, appliances, furniture…"

"I lovvvve this couch, Livvie!" Sarah leaned back into the plush microfiber.

"Watch that drink," Ed scolded.

Brooke plucked the wine glass from her sister's hands, "I think my favorite part is your bathroom. It's huge!"

"No, the kitchen's the best," Sarah said, "And this view!" She propelled herself up and pressed her forehead against the glass to take in the sights to the south and west.

"Sarah," Ed muttered again, "You're smudging the window."

"Oh for God's sake, Dad, you have a child living here. You don't think the window's gonna get smudged?"

"So far the only print on that window is yours."

Sarah pouted. "Livvie, where's the Windex?"

"I have no idea. Don't worry about it. We'll do a massive cleaning job after we get unpacked."

Sarah bounced over to Olivia and kissed the top of her head, "I love you so much. More wine, anyone?"

Noah darted out of the hallway and stopped in front of Sarah. "You see my T-Rex train?"

"Yes, Noey, I saw it!"

He grabbed her hand, "See it again!"

Obediently, Sarah allowed herself to be dragged to Noah's room. She marveled at the blue walls, the train, his pristine white bookshelves, and the new train table. "Wow, No! Lookit all this track!"

"You race, Sarah. Here, you have the red one."

"I want yellow."

"No, yellow is Brookey."

"You're bossy."

Noah giggled, "You bossy."

"No, YOU'RE BOSSY!"

Their volley soon became loud enough for Brooke, Ed, and Olivia to hear.

Brooke shook her head, "You guys are gonna get kicked out."

Olivia laughed and went to refill her wine since Sarah had been sidetracked. When she came back she sat in the large chair with Ed. "Everyone's just excited. We're normally quiet people." She felt Ed pinch a part of her hip that was out of Brooke's sight. Acknowledging the suggestive touch, she rubbed the back of his head.

Sarah returned with Noah draped on her back, wine glass still in her hand. "Guys," she announced dramatically, "I don't feel right. I feel…so…heavy. Like there's something growing on me. And I just can't figure out what it is!" She stood up straight and Noah strained to hold on as she shook her torso.

"Sarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrah."

Abruptly, she stopped.

"Noah?"

"Sarah!"

She craned her neck around and backed him up towards Ed and Olivia. Ed grabbed him and brought him into their lap. "Almost bedtime, bud. First night in our new house."

Olivia ran her fingers along his neck, signaling she knew what he was doing. Ed never initiated bedtime if he and Olivia were home at the same time. In fact, she was quite confident he let Noah stay up significantly later than he was supposed to when she wasn't there.

"Sare, let's go."

"Where are we going?"

"Quinn's?"

"Yay!"

"Alright Noah," Olivia stood up, "Say goodbye to Brooke and Sarah and tell them thank you."

He ran over and doled out hugs and kisses. As they made their way towards the door, he called, "Bye-bye sisters!"

"Bye, brother!" They said in unison.

Ed carried Noah to his bedroom and wrestled him into his pajamas. Noah picked out two books. "We read in da big chair?"

"Sure bud."

Olivia stopped what she was doing and joined them. Enraptured, she kept her eyes glued on Ed as he switched back and forth between character voices and unabashedly made all the animal noises.

Noah's request for a third book was denied. Instead Ed stood up with him perched on a hip and carried him to the window. "Say goodnight to Manhattan, pal."

Noah gaped at the sparkling skyscrapers-a view way more expansive than he was used to. "Night night Ma'hattan," he cooed in his sweet toddler voice before Ed flipped him upside down in front of Olivia.

"Night, sweet boy. I love you."

"Love you, Mommy!"

….

Ed and Olivia unpacked a few kitchen boxes while they waited for Noah to fall asleep. Every ten minutes or so, Ed froze and listened. Noah had a habit of talking to himself before he sacked out. Finally, a half hour or so after he was in bed, all was silent.

"C'mon," he whispered.

Olivia left a half-unpacked box on the counter and followed him to the master bedroom where they immediately crashed into each other. Ed opened his mouth wide, half-kissing-half-consuming her face. He cursed her belt before finally yanking it loose, and he pushed her pants down as far as he could reach before she kicked them the rest of the way off. While he continued his ferocious exploration of her face and neck she unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans and shoved him backwards on the bed.

Propped up on his elbows, he cast a sly smile at her as she seductively removed her t-shirt and bra.

"Whatcha got, Benson?"

She half-dove on top of him and, in contrast to his initial moves, kissed him deeply, running her tongue over his slowly and seductively, causing him to gasp a little which she enjoyed.

"I love when you kiss me like that, Liv."

"Make me scream," she hissed into his mouth.

He got the reference to what she said earlier and muttered, "But we're normally quiet people."

She ran her fingers up and down his arms and repeated the kiss he loved so much. "No we're not," she mumbled then let out a little yelp as Ed lifted her up, his biceps bulged as he held her above him, took each of her breasts into his mouth, and then gently tossed her onto her back.

"You better get something," he advised as he ran his tongue the length of her body before stopping between her legs.

"Oh God, Ed."

He flicked and probed with his tongue and fingers until Olivia's back arched and, for the first time that night, she shuddered and shrieked into a pillow in response to her fiery orgasm. He was slow to leave her center, biting at her thighs and hips before swirling his tongue around her belly button.

"What else you want, baby?"

"Fuck me, Ed. Hard."

Ed started on top, but they jostled one another around for a few minutes, nipping at shoulders and earlobes, teasing, conceding, and teasing again. They teetered near the edge of the bed and instead of moving towards the center, Ed lifted her the short distance to their brand new oversized chair and ottoman, fell into it, and pulled Olivia down to him. He put his hands on her hips to slow her down a bit while she straddled him before guiding her backwards onto the ottoman.

"We gonna have to get a new chair?" He grunted as he resumed his thrusts, picking up the pace, knowing he was close.

"Scotch Gard."

Their chuckles quickly turned into gasps and moans. Tucker pulled at her hair as he melted inside of her and she threw her head back as her body seized under him yet again. He bit at her throat as he collapsed on top of her; their limbs hung awkwardly off the sides of the oversized ottoman.

Olivia put her palms on his chest, "Hey, Captain, why don't we try out that new shower?"

They lingered in the shower for a while, playing with the attachments, taking turns with the loofah, Ed used way too much conditioner on Olivia's hair and had to work diligently to rinse it out. They dried off and cuddled together under the covers, still naked with damp hair and eyes radiant with passionate serenity.

Olivia traced his cheekbones with her index finger. "There's something I've been thinking about."

He lightly nipped at her finger as she ran it over his lips. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," she smiled coyly, "My name and Noah's name, I'm changing it to Tucker."

Ed wanted to object out of politeness or at least ask if she was sure, but he couldn't hide the fact that this development elated him.

"Does that make you happy?"

"It does. But that's not why you should do it."

"I was waiting for the right time. And it's now. Not that the past couple of years haven't been amazing, but, I feel like we're in this new chapter…and I want to be Mrs. Tucker. And I want Noah to have the same name as his Daddy. I want the…uniformity that comes with family."

"I want that too."

"So, I'll get that paperwork done Monday."

"How long does it take?"

"I'm assuming it's immediate."

"So Monday, dinner, it'll be the three Tuckers."

"It will be. Maybe we can use the cookbook."

"I thought you kinda had a bad attitude about that."

"I promise you, I don't."

He reached over to touch her face. "You're gonna have to get all new cards, driver's license, everything."

"I couldn't care less about that."

"I was being honest…when I told you before we got married that it didn't bother me…but it musta been, in the back of my mind, because, right now Liv, I feel, I don't know, just-"

She helped him out, "Even more connected?"

"Yeah, that's it. I didn't think it was possible to be more connected."

She nestled her body closer to his, feeling sleep coming on. "I feel the same way. Like it was the last link we needed to take care of."

"Yeah," Ed sighed starting to feel drowsy himself. He snuggled her more tightly and whispered, "I love you so much, Liv. So, so much."

"I love you, Ed." She craned her neck to kiss him. "G'night."

"Night, sweetheart."

…..

#Tuckson