"Good morning everyone!" Monokuma announced, as all of the dead students regained consciousness.
"Wait, what's going on?" Leon asked.
"Fantastic question!" Monokuma answered. "Well, you see, it's a long story. But here's the main thing. We've had a bit of a setting change! Welcome to Monokuma Afterlife Theater!"
Looking around, it seemed that Monokuma was speaking the truth. The room they were in resembled a theater, with plush red seats and a large screen and on that screen…
"Is that Hope's Peak?" Fujisaki asked.
"Yep! It plays in real time too, so you guys don't miss anything! It also has rewinding and montage functions!" Monokuma advertised. "And, mostly excitingly, there's a lobby with a snack bar!"
"But we're dead." Ikusaba stated bluntly. "We don't eat." Monokuma looked a little downcast, like he had forgotten that detail.
"Is there a particular reason for this transformation?" Celes inquired.
Monokuma gave a small pause before answering. "Well, some information came to light, and I thought that this would be more convenient! Besides, the next murder is about to happen, and I thought it would all be fun to watch together!"
Leon, Owada, and Yamada volunteered to go check out the lobby. They all came back with large tubs of popcorn and sodas. "Are we really going to just sit here, eating snacks, while one of our friends dies?!" Maizono cried.
The rest of them slowly nodded as if to say, "What else are we going to do? Besides, it's better than reading the damn fanfic."
Shortly after, everyone had sat down, eating popcorn, and watching. They saw it all. All the circumstances leading up to the tragedy of this particular case. Some were on the verge of tears.
Then right on cue, Sakura Ogami walked into the theater.
"I-I'm so sorry." "You really don't deserve this" Everyone muttered apologies to her. Besides her bewilderment of the afterlife being a movie theater, she seemed pretty happy to see everyone.
Of course Monokuma had to ruin the mood. "Well, now that you're here, let's have another session!" He was already holding the laptop in his paws. "Hmm… Owada and Ikusaba! You explain this to our latest guest and join her with this!"
"God fucking damn it." Owada muttered.
"What is Monokuma going on about?" Ogami asked.
"It's Monokuma's, um, special, way of passing time." Ikusaba answered.
*'**"***"**'*
AN: I sed I dnoty ker wut u fink! stof pflamin ok prepz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1 oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania 4 da nex 3 dayz so dnot expect updatz.
Ogami: I… don't understand. This is completely illegible.
Ikusaba: Transylvania? Is the writer European?
Owada: Oh maybe she's making shit up. Wouldn't be surprising.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Ogami: Do you mind explaining this, either of you?
Owada: No point.
Ikusaba: Yeah, it just makes just as much sense in context.
All day I wondered what the surprise was. Meanwhile, I pot on a blak ledder mini, a blak corset with urple lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact boots.
Owada: Blah, blah, blah.
MCR were gong 2 do the concert again, since Volxemort had taken over the last one.
Ikusaba: I'm pretty sure that's not how show-biz works.
I slit my wrists while I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited.
Ogami: Is this a fictitious account? Or does this girl need help?
Owada: It's fake, but yeah the writer is kind of fucked up. She talks about killing herself all the goddamn time. It's "kewl" or some shit.
Ogami: That's … insensitive.
Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom. I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped inside dat it was Draco so we could do it again.
Ikusaba: I thought she was already dressed. And please, I do not want to see another terrible excuse for a sex scene.
Ogami: Have all of you been reading this?
Owada: Yep. Celes and Fujisaki are all bent out of shape, Maizono is fed up with Enoby's shit, and everyone else is just kind of… dead inside.
Ogami: Enoby… what sort of name is that?
Ikusaba: It's Ebony, but she misspells it so much, that's what we call her instead. It was Leon's idea.
"Wut de fucking hell r u doing!" I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! "R u gonna cum rape me or what." I yelled.
Ikusaba: …
Ogami: … Was that on purpose?
I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo.
Owada: Oh goddamnit. Not this shit again.
Ogami: How old is she… dare I ask?
Ikusaba: She's 17, and in the location she's supposedly in, that's the age of consent. That doesn't make any of this okay, though.
"No, actshelly (geddit, hell)
Ikusaba: That was terrible.
Owada: Complete and utter shit.
Ogami: That doesn't even work, considering actually is spelt-
Ikusaba: Shhh. Logic doesn't work here. That's rule #1.
kan I plz burrow sum condemns." he growld angrily.
All three: …
"Yah, so u can fuk ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?" I shouted sarkastikally.
All three: …..
Ogami: This is disturbing.
Ikusaba: There are just some things that you don't say in casual conversation.
Owada: And wait… why would she have condoms? I mean yeah, she and her dude are going out it but-
Ikusaba: What was rule #1 again?
Owada: Right.
"Fuker." He said, gong away.
Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went.
Ikusaba: Went where? Some elaboration might be nice.
Owada: What? So she can fucking murder the spelling? Look at it! That last sentence is spelled correctly!
Ikusaba: Wait, you're right. It is… I never knew that it was possible.
…
Ogami: What are you doing?
Ikusaba: Cherishing this moment.
Den I gasped….
Ikusaba: Feeling's gone.
Owada: This can't be good.
Ogami: What is it?
Ikusaba: Whenever she does that, that means a really pointless "plot twist" is coming up.
Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!1
All three: …
…..
Owada: What?
Ikusaba: This is a new low.
Ogami: When she says- does she mean…?
Owada: Yes.
Ikusaba: And wait… Snake? I hope that's a typo...
Ogami: Who wrote this?
Owada: There's currently a bet. Let's see… Ikusaba, Fujisaki, and Celes think it's Monokuma, Maizono and Yamada think it's a delusional teenage girl, and Leon and I think it's monkeys banging on keyboards. Ishimaru refused to take part.
"Oh my god you ludacris idiot!" they both shooted angrily when they saw me.
Ogami: Shooted? Hmph… ha.
Owada: Something funny 'bout that?
Ogami: Doesn't that remind you of someone?
Ikusaba: No, not at all.
Ogami: Well, you never saw a trial.
Owada: Oh, yeah, I totally know what you mean.
Ikusaba: You mind explaining?
Owada: Oh sure, it's just, during trials, that Naegi guy really gets into it, you know? And when he shouts, it's like he's shooting bullets right into what you're saying.
Ikusaba: Really? *muttering* So cool…
Ogami: You're turning red. Are you alright?
Ikusaba: Yes! I mean, yes, I mean, of course.
Dobby ran away crying.
Owada: Wait, who's this… dude? Chick?
Ikusaba: Guy… I think.
Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it)
Ogami: Dare I ask how she would know she likes seeing such things?
Owada: Internet.
Ogami: True.
but both of them were fuking preps. (btw snake is movd 2 griffindoor now)
Ikusaba: Why does she keep changing things out of the blue? Consistency, you suck at it!
"WTF is that why u wanted condoms?"
Owada: Wait. They're both guys, right? Why the fuck would they need condoms?
Ikusaba: … True. Unless she changed one of their genders, I would not put it past her.
I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat)
Ikusaba: Yes, you did spell that. You spelled every other word in this monstrosity wrong.
Ogami: I don't see how this is meant for reading. It's barely comprehensible.
"Only you wouldn't give them to me!" Lumpkin shouted angrily.
"Well you shoulda told me." I replayed.
Owada: Wait, she would have gave them the damn things?! What?
"You dimwit!." Snake began 2 shoot angrily. And then…I took out my black camera and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything.
"Well xcuse me!" they both shouted angrily. "What was dat al about?"
Ikusaba: Excellent question. What is this whole thing about?
Owada: Hell if I know.
"It wuz to blackmail u." I snarked. "So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I'll show dis to Dumbledork.
Ikusaba: Dumble-dork. Pfft. That was a tiny bit funny.
So fuck off, u bastards!" I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them
Ogami: She threw her wound? You can't throw an injury at someone.
and dey tripped over it.
Ikusaba: I think she meant wand. But that's stupid. She threw away her best weapon. And how can one stick trip two full grown men? Even I can't do that. I could kill them with a stick that size, but not trip them like that.
Well anyway, I went outside and there was Vampire, looking extremely fucking hot.
Owada: Oh fuck no. Not more bullshit romance.
"WTF where'd Draco?" I asked him.
Ogami: … What?
Owada: "What the fuck where did Draco?" Still doesn't make any damn sense.
Ikusaba: None of this does.
"Oh he's bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn't cum."
Owada: I swear she's doing that on purpose! But she's such a dumbass!
Vampire said shaking his hed. "U wanna cum with me? 2 the concert?"
Owada: Goddamnit.
Ikusaba: And another concert too.
Then….. he showed me his flying car.
Ikusaba: And another flying car. Have we gone back in time to an earlier chapter?
Ogami: I don't think so… \
Owada: Speaking of… how much more of this crap is there?
Monokuma: 24 after this one, so stop whining!
Ogami: What are you doing here?
Monokuma: Just wanted to warn you, the trial for your murder is coming up soon, so let's finish this up, okay?
Ogami: But it wasn't a murder...
I gasped. It was a black car. He said his dogfather
Ikusaba: Dog father? Then his dog mother would be-
Owada: A bitch! *He and Ikusaba high-five*
Ogami: This brings out a strange camaraderie in everyone.
Serious Blak had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said 'ENOBY' on it.
Owada: Looks like someone has money to burn. That's seriously a waste of money.
Ikusaba: Coming from the biker.
Owada: There's no point since no one reads the license plate on my bike. They're too busy noticing my sweet coat and slick pompadour.
….I gasped.
We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing.
Ogami: Don't you have to get tickets first?
Ikusaba: She didn't anything about having or not having them.
Vampire and I began 2 make out, moshing to the muzik.
Ikusaba: Oh joy. She's cheating on her boyfriend again. What a wonderful person.
I gapsed, looking at da band.
I almost had an orgasim.
Ogami: We do not need to know these things.
Ikusaba: Of course she has a organism, she is an organism.
Owada: Also… I thought it was harder for girls to do that stuff… I'm not an expert or anything.
Gerard was so fucking hot! He begin 2 sing 'Helena' and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. ….And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Draco, cryin in a corner.
Ikusaba: That was… a bit anti-climatic.
Ogami: I still don't understand the point.
*'**"***"**'*
"Great! You guys are done!" Monokuma cheered. "Let's get going, the trials going to start!"
The three silently followed him back to the theater, where everyone else was chatting, eating and generally having a surreal experience.
Watching life play out on the other side was honestly quite depressing. All the deceased watched the trial in almost complete silence, apart from some mutters to each other.
Ogami couldn't believe Monokuma. Tricking Asahina like that was absolutely horrendous and vile. She couldn't help the tears that streaked her cheeks from the misunderstanding that arose. But it absolutely lifted her heart seeing her classmates reach the truth and feel hope from her actual good-bye message.
But the execution of Alter-Ego was just cruel. A dick move, as it were.
Seeing it all play out, an important question crossed some of the student's minds.
"Um, Monokuma…" Fujisaki said, "How are you both with us, and with everyone else still alive…?"
Monokuma seemed caught off-guard. "Huh?! Well, obviously, duh, what makes you think we're controlled by the same person? The people still alive are putting up with Junko, but obviously she's not dead, so she can't be here!"
"That just raises more questions." Celes remarked.
"Darn skippy it does! But that will have to wait till another time! See ya!" And Monokuma disappeared under the floorboards.