TOM

It's day ten in the hospital and Jane was improving a little quicker than expected.

Her fevers were gone along with some of her fatigue and she was able to walk around more each day.

She was still on one liter of oxygen, but Dr. S was still very impressed with her progress. He still wants her to stay awhile longer to keep a watchful eye on her, but she should be home within two more weeks.

Jane had yet to do a pulmonary function test since she'd been admitted due to how week and feverish she was so you and her were on your way down to the lab.

You wheeled her oxygen tank and kept with her slow, but steady pace.

"So what are you betting my numbers are? Think I'll shock Dr. S more and blow a %75?" She looked up at you grinning.

You look down at her sweet face. Still pale, still hints of exhaustion. "I do hope so, love."

You turn the corner and walk into the lab. She sits in a chair with a junky cough as you tell the woman at the desk she was here.

Soon you're taken into a little room with the equipment for the test.

They entered Jane's height and weight into the computer and took her oxygen levels before handing her the device to breathe into.

PFT's were no easy task.

She was instructed to put on nose clips and then breathe through the device normally.

Then they instruct her to take a deep breath and blow it out as quickly as she can and she must blow out the entire contents of her lungs and continue to do so for five seconds.

It may sound easy, but it's actually quite difficult.

She struggles and shakes each time, pushing harder and harder to try and get good numbers. She often has to re-do the test at least once due to it causing her to cough rather hard.

This time she seemed to be struggling a bit more. Having to take a break in between to catch her breath. You were quietly wondering if she'd be willing to take a wheelchair upstairs.

Once the test was finished the man doing the test was printing out her results.

"So what was my best number?" She asked a little breathlessly.

"FEV1, overall lung function, is %47."

You felt as if the world just dropped from beneath you. Surely he must be mistaken. %47 lung function? Just less than half? You look to Jane who was clearly holding back tears. You walk over to her while the man finishes getting your results, taking her hand.

"You still have pneumonia, Jane. They will go up." She nods but you're not sure she's actually listening.

You turn to the gentleman and ask for a wheelchair and he leaves and brings one back quickly. Jane doesn't protest.

She sits in the chair and thanks the man, taking her test results in her lap.

You push her and her tank upstairs. Quietly.

"Well, I said I was gonna shock him." She says dryly.

"Jane, they will go up. You have to give yourself some slack, love. You had severe pneumonia. You're still on the up and up."

You return to the room and she gets into bed and curls up under the covers, clearly tired from the walking and testing.

You kiss her forehead as you pull your chair up next to her bed.

You pull out your book and open it to the chapter where you'd left off when you feel a hand on your wrist. You turn to see Jane looking at you from her pillows. You thought she was already asleep.

"What is it, dear?"

"Tom, we need to talk."

JANE

This morning was a wake up call. You and Tom had to have this discussion, and you wanted to get to him before Dr. S.

"About what?" He said, concern written all over her face.

"About what's going to happen in the future."

You scoot up in bed and he sets down his book and turns his chair towards you, taking both your hands in his.

You take a deep breath before going on.

"Tom, do you know when they start discussing lung transplant?"

He stares for a moment before shaking his head.

"They start discussing and going through the process once you get close to %30. They list you once you get to %30 or below."

"But darling I told you, they're going to go-" You interrupt him.

"But one day they won't. And that day might be sooner than we thought. We don't know what damage this pneumonia has done. What if my normal is no longer %60 to %70? What if it's %50 to %60? That's still ten points closer."

Your words were hitting him like knives, but this had to be discussed.

"I am going to be with you through all of it. No matter how soon, or far off that is."

You sucked in another breath, determined not to cry.

"I feel so badly for you, Tom. I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have to deal with things like this. You should be with a wife who isn't sick but who is working and taking care of children. Have you even thought about children? Or the fact I probably can't get pregnant, and if I did I may not survive the birth?"

His eyes went wide and his hands went to your cheeks. Wiping away the tears that you couldn't hold back.

"Jane, I love you more dearly than anything. You are the only wife I want, or will ever want. How often must I tell you this? Yes I have thought about children. We can always adopt."

"I can't be a mother now. I can hardly take care of myself anymore. You can't care for me and a child. And what if you're left a single parent!" You were practically sobbing now.

"Shhhh shhhh. We wait until after your healthy and well to think about adoption. And I don't want to hear you talk about that."

"Tom, transplant is not a cure. It's trading one disease for another. There's still rejection, a list a thousand miles long of complications, and things I don't even know about yet. Not to mention, what if I never get the call?"

He pulls you close and squeezes you tightly. Rubbing your back and kissing your head.

"I know, love. I know. But right now I need you to try and push these worries to the side, they are only going to make you worse right now. You need rest. I know there's alot of things in the future. I know it's possibly sneaking up on us. But I also know that you are the strongest person I know, and that I am going to be holding your hand the whole way. No matter what."

You nod into his chest, trying to regain control of our breathing.

"I'm sorry, I-I'm sorry.. I'm just scared." You squeak.

He pulls you back and looks into your eyes. "I'm scared too, love. But we will take whatever comes together. Alright?"

You nod, leaning back into his chest.

He holds you like that for awhile.

Before you know it you've fallen asleep.

TOM

You had left Jane tucked in and sound asleep, needing to take a walk and clear your head.

You weren't in denial about all those things she was saying, you just hadn't particularly kept them in mind.

You go and sit on a bench in the hospital garden, taking deep breaths and trying to calm yourself down.

What if she did need a transplant? What if she didn't get it in time? What if there complications? Or what if you do adopt a child and she suffers rejection? Could you take care of them both and support your family? What if you were left a single father?

You feel yourself start to panic and you put your head between your knees.

This is not what she needs right now. She needs you to be there for her, hold her hand, tell her it will be ok. It will be.

After sitting in the park awhile you realize you should probably go back in case she's woken up.

You stop in the gift shop buying her some pink roses and a stuffed penguin.

You return to her room and her respiratory therapist was just leaving.

"Hello my penguin." You say walking over and kissing her cheek. Setting her flowers by the window and the penguin on her bed.

She smiles wide. "You're not just a hot giraffe, you're sweet too."

You go and sit at the foot of her bed, laying a hand on her knee. "Sorry you woke up alone, I went for a walk."

She just nodded. Knowing why you left.

"It's ok. So what are we going to do tonight?"

You raise an eyebrow at her. "Uuhh well, what did you have in mind?"

She giggles before continuing. "How about we order some pizza to avoid the weekend cafeteria leftovers and play some cards and watch a scary movie? Something fun!"

You grin at her. No matter how poorly she felt she was always trying to keep you happy. "That sounds perfect."

You had ordered her favorite veggie pizza and went around the corner to the Walgreens to find a deck of cards and a scary movie.

You bought The Ring and a deck of cards with kittens on them and some of your favorite candies and headed back to find a sleeping Jane.

You didn't bother to wake her until the pizza had arrived.

You at pizza and played cards, you insisted she was cheating but she denied it saying you were just horrible at cards.

You laughed and played until her final treatment was over and her nurse had setup her feeds and IV's before turning down the lights, grabbing the candy and crawling into bed with her to watch your movie.

She snuggled into you, under her layer of blankets. You were careful not to pull or lay on any of her tubes.

"So how scary is this one going to be?" She asked, grabbing her new stuffed penguin and holding it to herself tightly.

"You're such a scaredy cat." You pick on her. She really was. She hated scary movies, but she had been trying to get a little used to them ever since you told her about Crimson Peak.

She smacked your chest weakly, but it still stung a bit.

You started the movie and not even five minutes in she was jumping and covering her eyes. Nothing had even really happened yet. She started her usual talking to herself. Something she did every time she watched a scary movie.

"Why would you watch the tape? Seriously? People are so stupid! Just eject it, run it over, and take the kid and bolt!"

You can't help but laugh and she gives you another light smack.

When it's over you look down at her, as she clutches the blankets to her chin.

"Are you going to be able to sleep tonight?" You say somewhat sarcastically.

"If you lay here and protect me." She says wrapping her arms around your waist.

You kiss the top of her head and slip your feet under one layer of covers and press the button on the bed to lay it down more.

She snuggles in against your chest and you wrap your arms around her.

"Goodnight, love."

"Goodnight." She mumbles already asleep.