(AN: Dangan Ronpa Zero and Dangan Ronpa 3 Despair Arc Spoilers)

"I have a special announcement!" Monokuma yelled, walking into the theater, followed by three figures. They were all male, two sporting very similar hairstyles, unintentionally, probably. The tallest one had an ahoge and an air of utter indifference. Another was very… plain but good hearted. The shortest one was barely noticeable. "I'm giving you all a little break! I feel kind of bad, since Fujisaki got all out of character, and we're only halfway and I can't break any of you just yet…"

"Too late for that." Celes muttered under her breath, but everyone could still hear it.

"Anyway," Monokuma continued. "We have some special guests to take over! Let me introduce… Yuto Kamishiro! Everyone's favorite pervert! Shoshun Murasame, everyone's favorite class president! And…..

"Enough with the dots. They serve no purpose. Who the hell are you anyway?" Said the guy who hadn't been introduced yet.

Monokuma started sweating, "H-hey! Stop ruining things. Ahem. May I introduce Mmmmmmissssssssttttttttteeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrr Yasuke Matsuda-kun!"

"Hey, Matsuda." Ikusaba waved. Matsuda-kun glared at her, then turned his gaze to Monokuma.

"Hey, ugly, I asked who the hell are you?" He asked.

"I'm Monokuma, of course! What a silly question, Matsuda-kun! Now let's get started-" Monokuma was interrupted by Murasame.

"Wait a minute…" He turned towards Matsuda-kun. "You killed me."

"So?" Murasame then quickly punched Matsuda-kun in the face. All everyone could do was stare in shock. It was a beautiful punch, but looked like garbage under the scrutiny of slow motion. It was very cathartic, nethertheless.

"No violence here!" Monokuma shouted. "Chill out guys! Everyone's killed someone here, it's not really something to get worked up about."

Matsuda-kun recovered quickly. "You aren't Junko. Even she's not as ugly as you."

"Wh-wh-why would you ever say such a thing, Matsuda-kun? What proof do you have?" Monokuma protested.

"You don't like violence, you want everything to go according to your little plan. Junko loves nothing more than when her plans fail. Not to mention annoyingly calling me 'Matsuda-kun'. Even she wouldn't do something so pointless." Matsuda-kun deducted.

"Fine, you might have a point there." Monokuma conceded. "But that's not important. What's important is that the three of you read this chapter of My Immortal."

Matsuda-kun bit his lip. "Not that crap again."

Fujisaki titled his head. "Again? You've read it before?"

"Yes. Junko made me read it five times. She's read it over fifty times."

"Lucky number 6, right?" Monokuma cried. "Let's get it on!"

"Wait a minute," Kamishiro piped up, "Wouldn't Madarai be here too? I mean…"

"NO!" Monokuma yelled suddenly. "He's boring and has all the personality of a cardboard box! Also, I'm not even sure he exists! Just do the thing!"

And they began to do the thing.

*'**"***"**'*

Kamishiro: So… what is this?

Matsuda: Do you know Harry Potter?

Murasame: I liked those books.

Matsuda: Yeah, they have nothing to do with this crap.

Kamishiro: Oh… ok.

AN: stfu! prepz stup flaming ok if u dnot lik it fuk of I no itz mr. noris itz raven's folt ok!11 u suk!1 no jus kidding raven u fokieng rok prepz suk!1

Murasame: What? Just… what?

Matsuda: "Shut the fuck up! Preps stop flaming ok if you don't like it fuck off I know it's Mr. Norris it's Raven's fault ok! You suck! No just kidding Raven you fucking rock preps suck!"

Murasame: I feel like that punctuation would help. And isn't it Mrs. Norris? Did she just get her correction wrong?

Matsuda: That's a running theme.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

All day everyone talked about the Misery of Magic.

Matsuda: Magic does do nothing but cause misery.

Murasame: But you don't need magic to cause misery, so I think that makes your point moot.

Well anyway, I woke up the next day. I was in my coffin so I opened the door. I was wearing blak lacey leather pajamas.

Kamishiro: Leather pajamas? Sounds like that would chafe quite easily.

Murasame: Not just leather, but leather with lace.

Then I gasped.

Standing in front of me where…. B;loody Mary, Vampire, Diabolo, Draco, Dracula and Willow!

Kamishiro: Who? They all sound… evil.

Matsuda: Sadly no. It's Hermione, Harry, Ron, Draco, and… yeah can't remember the last two. This shitstain has permanently etched itself into my brain.

Murasame: That's kind of what you get for having a girlfriend who fetizishes the concept of despair and helplessness.

Matsuda: …

I opened my crimson eyes. Willow was wearing a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. Under that she wart a black poofy skirt wit lace on it and black gothic boots that was attached to the top.

Kamishiro: Do other colors exist other than black?

Matsuda: There's 'crimson'.

Vampire was wearing a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt and baggy black pants and Vans. Draco was wearing a black MCR t-shirt and blak jeans and a leather jacket. He looked just likee Gerard Way, and almost as fucking sexy. Vampire looked like Joel Madden. B'loody Mary was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her clearage

Kamishiro: They bother to tell us all that, but not what size she is?

Murasame: I don't think that's very important.

Kamishiro: I disagree.

with a white apron that said 'bich' and other swear words

Matsuda: Bitch is a swear word. Bic is a brand of pens. Bich is not a word. This thing has more misspellings than-

Kamishiro: Otonashi's notebook?

Matsuda: Yes. And she can't draw for crap.

and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once. Darkness (who is Jenny) was there too. She was weaving a ripped gothic black dress with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thing and black pointy boots. So were Crab and Goyle.

Murasame: Wait, Crabbe and Goyle are wearing dresses? Excuse me while I'll vomit.

Matsuda: A more pleasant sight than the first Killing Game.

Murasame: You mention that again and I will-

Matsuda: What will you do? We're already dead. And I think it's clear how many fucks I give.

It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Crab and Goyle's dad was a vampire. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor.

Kamishiro: Wait, they all had the same dad? Is that what it means? Man, he must have been busy if they're all the same age. Hehe.

Matsuda: Gross. And according to this, vampires can't die by slitting their wrists. Again, more blatant self contradiction.

He had raped them and stuff before too.

All three: …

Kamishiro: That's… not cool.

Matsuda: Says the sex-maniac.

Kamishiro: Appreciating the finer parts of the human form and being equally covert and overt about it is one thing, this, this is quite another.

Murasame: You don't just say things like that. It's awful, and at the very least, insensitive.

They all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism."OMFG" I yielded as I jumped up. "Why the fuck are u all here?

"Enoby something is really fucked up." Draco said.

Matsuda: Make that the title of all of this: Really Fucked Up

Murasame: It's sad and pathetic, but I don't see why it gets all the hate. This person just has no idea how things work.

Matsuda: How are you still nice to this garbage?

Murasame: How am I still nice to you?

"OK but I need to put my fucking clothes on first." I shouted angrily.

"It's all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway. Your so fucking beautiful." Draco said in a sexy voice.

Kamishiro: There is a distinct lack of sexiness here. It's very disappointing.

"Oh all right." I said smiling. "But you have to tell me why your being all erective."

Murasame: What that on purpose?

Kamishiro: I dunno, but that sentence describes me 90% of the time.

Matsuda: You are disgusting.

"I will I will." he said.

So I just put on some black eyeliner, black lipstick and red eyeshadow and white foundation. Then I came.

Kamishiro: Normally, I would like such blatant innuendo, but this story wants the cast to be seen as attractive and sexy, and them doing sexual acts being attractive to the reader and enjoyable. This is not sexy. You can't just slap the word 'sexy' as an adjective.

You have to tease it, draw it out with flowery words, compliment it in a way that suits the individual. Details are like compliments; too many and you scare the girl off, but you need the right ones to get in. You have to break into the mindset of everyone involved, make it natural and then twist into a cacophony of ecstasy and sensation.

Murasame: That was… surprisingly deep if you think about it the right way.

Matsuda: You just want it to become proper smut. Yeah, no, the best you'll get is "boy's thingy in mine"

Kamishiro: That's a bummer.

We all went outside the Great Hal and looked in from a widow. A fucking prep called Britney from Griffindoor was standing next to us. She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her. Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledork.

Murasame: Dumbledork? Dumbledore is a lot of things, but I wouldn't use the word dork.

Cornelia Fudged was there shouting at Dumbledore. Doris Rumbridge was there too.

Murasame: How hard is it to get the names right?!

Kamishiro: English is a hard language. Super weird.

Matsuda: Except the author's first language is English. Not to mention the glory of spellcheck.

Murasame: Did someone write this to be purposely bad?

Matsuda: Junko figured it out once. Apparently the answer was so despair inducing that she refuses to tell anyone.

Kamishiro: How does that make sense?

Matsuda: When did Junko ever make sense? She said that keeping the secret would just give her more despair, when she really wants to tell everyone.

"THIS CANNOT BE!" she shouted angrily. "THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!"

"THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!" yelled Cornelia Fudge.

Murasame: The bark lord? The lord of trees? Leader of the Ents?

Matsuda: That's a sad excuse of a joke.

"YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!" yelled Rumbridge.

Matsuda: I'd sure like some rum.

Murasame: You're not old enough to drink!

Matsuda: That's not going to stop me! I'm dead, I can't get any older, dumbass.

Kamishiro: Pretty sure you can't get drunk either.

"YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS!

Murasame: Pretty sure Dumbledore doesn't have Alzheimer's.

YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!"

Kamishiro: He must try again?

"Very well." Dumbledore said angrily. "Butt we cannot do this. We can't close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is in the school. And her name is…..

Matsuda: The goddamn dots.

Enony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way."

Matsuda: She can't spell anyone's name right, much less her own.

Murasame: Are you talking about that apostrophe?

Matsuda: Actually, no.

Draco, Crab, Goyle, Darkness, Willow, Vampire and B'loody Mary looked at each other…I gasped.

Kamishiro: So… that's it?

Matsuda: Unless that shitty pretender wants us to read more.

*'**"***"**'*

"I am not a pretender!" The Monokuma that was clearly not Junko protested. "I am Monokuma! And yeah, you guys can go back to whatever real afterlife is here. You guys aren't nearly as fun." Monokuma quickly kicked them out of the theatre before Kamishiro did anything perverted, Matsuda said anything insulting, or Murasame questioned the reality of the Monokuma Afterlife Theatre.

"So, who's next?" Monokuma asked, the smile on his face looking particularly demonic.