Until You Die for Me
He'd been here before. Surrounded by white walls, soft whispers and antiseptic scents. The same. All of it was the same. The grief, the sorrow, death waiting in the wings, right down to the ticking of the clock in the waiting room only this time he didn't care. The clock, the waiting room and the people in it were but a figment of reality with no meaning to him. Tadashi was devastated.
He was lost. Lost within memories of helplessness, disbelief and failure. He'd lost touch with reality the moment Hiro connected with the ground, only vaguely aware of the chaos that had continued on around him. The fight had continued, flashes of light and color in the background, warped sound and acrid scents but it hadn't mattered. The earth could have ended and Tadashi wouldn't have noticed.
His confrontation with Alistair Krei was not something he was proud of. He'd been so filled with anger and despair that he'd been willing to kill the man and the shame that moment of weakness had brought would stay with him for the rest of his life. It had brought home just how easy it was to lose sight of ones morals and just how human he really was.
Baymax had carried him over towards Hiro's prone form, gently placing him beside his brother before gently warning him not to move him. Hiro's injuries were severe and it was 'inadvisable' to move him without professional assistance. The professional assistance had arrived thirty seven minutes later. The paramedics carefully loaded Hiro onto a stretcher before rushing him upstairs onto the roof, placing him into the emergency helicopter that had landed there. The helicopter had left, leaving Tadashi and the team behind. Staying behind had been the hardest thing Tadashi had ever had to do but he had a secret to protect and a promise to honor. He would protect the team his brother had fought so hard to create.
Cold. It was so very cold, dark metal slipping between his fingers, moving across his flesh, chaffing, agitating and cutting his skin as he absently played with the bracelet on his wrist. Hiro had created it, somehow placing it on his wrist without Tadashi's knowledge; where it had remained; an enigma to be solved. Part of the mystery had been solved when he'd received Hiro's journal, the emblem on the cover page matching the one etched onto the cold segments forming the circle that had remained with him throughout his ordeal but the bigger question still remained. How had he gotten it? Tadashi ran his fingers over the metal, suddenly desperate to see if there were other secrets hidden within the ring, seeking a clasp with which to remove it only to freeze when a slim tan hand settled onto his own.
"You can't do that." An all too familiar whisper trickled into his mind drawing Tadashi's attention up, the sight before him impossible to comprehend. Standing in front of him was Hiro, alive and well. "You can't do that" Hiro repeated, light amber gaze keeping hold of dark brown eyes locked in a moment that could only be a figment of Tadashi's imagination. "You'll disappear and then where will I be?"
Tadashi stared in silence, unable to believe what his eyes were telling him. This had to be a dream, a hallucination created by his desperate mind in order to reject the reality before him. There was no way this could be real. Science and logic told him as much only his understanding of science and logic was no longer as sound as it had been before his leap three years into the future.
"You exist in a place outside of time and this…" Hiro ran his fingers over the bracelet on Tadashi's arm, tracing the engraving etched into its surface, "… is the only thing keeping you here. I died giving it to you. Strange isn't it? How I'm here, in the operating room and dead all at the same time?" Hiro glanced up once more, meeting Tadashi's gaze once again. "Don't leave me. I'm lost without you…"
"Who…? How…? What…?" Tadashi stammered unable to articulate any of the questions overwhelming him, still struggling to accept what his eyes skin and ears were telling him was true.
"I am the shadow of what might have been. I belong to a different thread of possibilities and am not part of this timeline." Hiro waved his hand at the room in general. "I'm part of the loop that will fade when this timeline catches up to mine."
Two Hiro's. All of a sudden a lot of things began to make sense, the various disparate pieces of the puzzle all falling into place. Tadashi had been dealing with two versions of Hiro all along. One in his present timeline and the other from a completely different one. Logically they shouldn't be able to co-exist in the same time but he couldn't deny the evidence before him. "The second diary… It's yours isn't it?" Tadashi whispered, one of the last pieces falling into place. "The entries don't really make sense in the context of this timeline. Why did you give it to me when it had no bearing on rescuing…" Tadashi stumbled to a halt the paradox of the situation he found himself in leaving him at a loss when it came to phrasing the rest of the question.
Hiro's lips twitched into a wry smile and something in it broke Tadashi's heart. "I wanted someone to remember me. Who better than someone who shouldn't exist?"
Someone that shouldn't exist. Those words hurt but something in them rang fundamentally true. Tadashi shouldn't exist. Not in this timeline with his Hiro and not in the other one with the Hiro that now stood before him, his presence as much an anomaly as Tadashi's own existence. Tadashi had died. He'd killed himself stupidly running into a fire to save someone that didn't need saving and the only reason he was here to begin with was because someone had pushed him through some kind of rift in the space time continuum bringing him three years into the future.
Click. Another puzzle piece fell into place.
"It was you." Tadashi continued on a whisper. "You're the one that pushed me at the showcase fire. You're the reason I travelled three years into the future."
Hiro flicked Tadashi's forehead, his wry smile still in place. "Way to go, bonehead. I thought I already implied that when I told you I'm the one that gave you that." Hiro pointed at the bracelet.
"But… I… How is that even possible?" Tadashi asked, still struggling to make sense of it all.
"I gave you the math." Hiro retorted with a smirk, the all-knowing slant to his lips an all too familiar reminder of everything Tadashi now stood to lose.
"I understand the theory but how on earth did you manage it in reality?" Tadashi insisted. He'd gone through the math. With a fine tooth comb and even though he could see how it might work, there were still variables that didn't make sense. "It shouldn't have worked. The math isn't enough."
"I know. I also needed a strong emotional connection and a traumatic event." Hiro said, deep sorrow in his eyes. A strong emotional connection and a traumatic event. If Aunt Cass and his friends were to be believed, Hiro had been devastated by Tadashi's death, the trauma of the event causing him to withdraw from everyone until Baymax had inadvertently pulled him out of his slump. Tadashi's stupidity had been the cause of that trauma and he didn't know if he could ever really forgive himself for it.
"I'm sorry." Tadashi whispered.
"Whatever for?" Hiro asked, surprise flickering through his eyes.
"For leaving you."
Hiro's lips quirked into a melancholy smile, affection and grief both present within it. "You have nothing to be sorry for. You were right. Someone had to help. You had no way of knowing Callaghan had set that fire. You wouldn't be you if you hadn't selflessly risked your life to save another and I wouldn't be me without you to teach me right from wrong."
The last sentence hung in the air between them, the impact of it lingering between them and that was the moment Tadashi forgave himself. Hiro was right. The desire to help others was coded deep into him and it filled Tadashi with pride to know he'd passed some of that desire onto his little brother.
Hiro leant down, enveloping Tadashi in an awkward embrace. "Last Hug." He whispered before pulling back. Tadashi caught a glimpse of tears as Hiro turned away and began to head towards the exit.
"Wait! Where are you going?" Tadashi stood to rush after him a deep sense of foreboding driving him forward. Something about this wasn't right. Tadashi could feel it, death drawing closer, slipping out of the wings to stand between them. He only managed two steps.
Hiro turned to face him and the haunted look on his face stopped Tadashi dead in his tracks. "To finish what I started, of course." Hiro whispered and the last pieces of the puzzle came tumbling down revealing a truth Tadashi wished he could unlearn.
"You're going to the showcase fire, aren't you? To push me through the rift in time?" Tadashi whispered, grief and pain coursing through him at the realization. Hiro was headed towards his own death about to sacrifice himself in order to save Tadashi.
"Someone has to keep this timeline intact." Hiro said softly, grief in his eyes.
"Can I ask you one more question before you go?" Tadashi whispered, wanting to prolong the meeting just a moment longer.
Hiro quirked an eyebrow, his lip quirking in playful mischief. "If I were to be picky I'd point out that you just did." The attempt at levity fell flat. The smile slipped from Hiro's lips beneath the intensity of Tadashi's stare.
"Will you…" Tadashi paused, licking suddenly dry lips before correcting himself. "Will my Hiro," Tadashi inclined his head towards the emergency room in indication, "be ok?" The desperate need to know, lingered in the air between them, life, death and strong emotion fighting for dominance and recognition. He shouldn't be asking this. He had no right to ask it but grief and concern had driven the words past Tadashi's lips and it was too late to take them back.
"That depends on you." Hiro replied and with that he was gone, fading from sight as if he'd never been there in the first place.
- BH6 - BH6 - BH6 –
A/N: I feel this chapter is the true 'heart' of my story. A lot is revealed and expressed in it and as a result it's my favorite chapter. I had the majority of the dialogue in this chapter written fairly early on and was aiming to get the story here. It's tragic but at the same time beautiful. PS: If you are confused as to what is actually going on please read my reply to NotShort where I attempt to simplify the logic I have based this story on.
Guest: The fact that my story was able to move you in the same way that the movie did is a massive compliment. Thank you. I'm really trying to stay true to the essence and feel of the movie. I want this story to have as much depth and meaning as the movie did (at least to me). I hope this chapter provided the clarification you were looking for regarding the bracelet. If you are still confused feel free to ask for more detail and I will see what I can do to explain it more clearly.
Cosmickatsu: I am glad I did not manage to kill you. That would have been a rather tragic end to an awesome reviewer! Writing an angry Dashi is an interesting experience as it is a side of him the movie didn't really explore. Thanks for the well wishes. We are nearly at the end!
Ern Estine 13624: Yup, Current Hiro is alive. Future Hiro, however...
RazzlePazzleDooDot: Of course it wasn't ominous. ;) I simply feel that getting Tadashi back shouldn't be easy. After all, nothing comes without consequence.
Nausicaa of the Spirits: Yes, that was a very important moment. The true difference between Tadashi and Callaghan though is the fact that he let himself be talked out of his desire for revenge whereas Callaghan...
shooting2stars: You had every right to be nervous about this chapter. It was the most emotional chapter of the lot as it manages to reveal, imply and hide so much all at once. Krei didn't expect Tadashi to come after him. He remembers Tadashi is rather mild mannered but seeing that Callaghan was much of the same, I agree, he should have known better. Fred really surprised me in this story. He turned out to be the voice of reason even though he's the one prone to the most ridiculous theories.
CrazyBlueOwl: Hope you got more data XD. I missed the bus once but it was a result of a teacher forcing us to stay after school. Trying to get home after that was NOT fun. Especially as I did not have a cell phone. We had to walk to a friends grandparents house and then call someone to pick us up. It was a looooong walk.
ToscaThorCat: You may not believe me but I'm not actually as in control of the story as you think. I write in a manner that allows the characters and the situations they find themselves in to dictate where my story goes. As a result I am also taken on a ride as a I write. I discover the story as I write it and am often surprised by the directions it takes.
Guest: Yeah, Hiro is still hanging in there.
Dreamer: I wasn't practicing action scenes. I rewrote them because I didn't like the original ones. Thankfully you never saw those :P. I can easily imagine Tadashi kicking ass. He is after all, the one that taught Hiro martial arts and the inspiration for the fighting database Hiro installs into Baymax. Glad you managed to get the courage to read the chapter following Hiro's fall. I suspect you didn't want confirmation that Hiro had died. I'm glad you understand why Hiro had to pay a price to preserve the new timeline. Messing with things like time and space has consequences and I wanted to communicate that. Please don't be sad that you inspired the previous chapter. I simply realized that I can't skip over Tadashi's confrontation with Krei because it is a key moment and I believe it makes the story more complete. You should be proud of that.
Kiki Anderson: Can you just...? Don't leave me hanging here... Hiro is still hanging in there and Tadashi is going to do everything he possibly can to make sure Hiro survives.
NotShort: You are 100 percent correct. As shown by the current chapter, your memory did not fail you XD. Hiro had not yet saved Tadashi from the fire. However, it's not present Hiro that does it, it is future Hiro. Basically there were two timelines running alongside one another in this story. One for current Hiro and another for future Hiro. To simplify, Hiro created a time loop the moment he decided to contact Tadashi in the past. This in turn created the additional possibilities that Hiro encountered in the portal (as represented by the transparent threads that appear in the portal after the dream that implies he pushes Tadashi through the portal). This alternate timeline starts off as just a possibility but becomes more real in reaction to future Hiro interfering with it.
You as a reader are actually following the alternate timeline and not the original one that actually triggered its creation though there is a lot of overlap between the two. The stuff that happens to current Hiro in the lab up to the point where he first gets rescued is exactly the same as the stuff that happens to future Hiro in the lab. The moment Tadashi actually succeeds in rescuing current Hiro is where Hiro's experiences in the two timelines diverge. That is where the second journal comes in. That journal exists to give the user a glimpse into what is happening to Future Hiro in the timeline that he does not get rescued.
Future Hiro realized, the dream where he pushes Tadashi into the time rift, is actually a vision telling him how to create the alternate timeline. Realizing this he sets out to create and preserve this alternate timeline. As a result, his own timeline starts to become less real which is why the initial threads he encountered in the portal begin to fade. Since he knows he is going to die the moment he pushes Tadashi through the portal, he first leaves Tadashi clues in order to help Tadashi rescue the version of himself in the alternate timeline and then goes back to perform the action that creates the time loop to begin with.
Future Hiro's death is the trigger that closes the time loop. The time loop will close properly when the alternate timeline catches up to the moment future Hiro vanishes from his own timeline. The portal in the timeline you have been following remains closed and the one in the timeline that future Hiro existed in disappears the moment the loop closes.