Anna
For a brief moment, I snuggle into Sid's arms and enjoy the early morning until everything that happened yesterday comes flooding back to me and I move away from hi. Mario saying he asked Sid to look after me, embarrassing myself by crying on Geno, agreeing with Adam to join him for a drink at a karaoke bar and then puking last night and finding Sid in my bed. I'm not completely sure how I got from the cab to the bed but I'm assuming that Sid took care of me.
"Can we talk about why you're so mad at me?" Sid asks as we lie in bed facing each other.
"What makes you think I'm mad at you?" I ask and try to buy myself some time to think through how I want to answer his question.
Sid raises and eyebrow and gives me a 'come on' look. Yeah, it was pretty obvious that I was mad at him.
"Ok, I was mad" I admit.
"And" he replies.
Ok, I guess I've passed out on the guy, he's put me to bed and heard me puke. I owe him the truth.
"Is the only reason we're together because Mario asked you to look after me?" I ask.
At first Sid looks confused and like he has no idea what I'm talking about.
"What makes you think that?" he asks.
"I saw Mario yesterday morning and he told me."
He continues to look confused and I can tell that he's thinking. A few moments later, his mouth shapes into an 'O'.
"At the beginning of the season, Mario asked if I'd check in with you because your dad and he are friends."
My heart drops. So it's true.
"But" he continues. "That's not why I'm here with you. He didn't ask me to sleep with you, or date you, or any of the other things we've done. He asked if I'd check in with you and make sure that you were getting on ok in a new place and a new job."
"Oh" I reply. "Would we be here if he hadn't?"
"I don't know Anna. I'm not a fortune teller so there's no way that I could know; but, I see it like he introduced us and we took it from there."
It makes sense I guess.
"Is that what you thought? Did you think I'm only with you because of what Mario asked me to do?" Sid asks me.
He raises his hand, cups my cheek and his thumb gently caresses.
"When we met at the end of last year" I tell him. "You were drunk and I was devastated and needed to feel like someone wanted me. I was an available woman and you were drunk so it's easy to see why you wanted me then, but now" I trail off and shrug.
"I don't understand why you think so little of yourself Anna. I don't get it."
How do I explain something to Sid that is so far out of his experience? He's always been the best at what he does. How could he understand that I've always been second best to my sister and never lived up to the expectations placed on me by my mother? That I've never felt truly loved and am I so desperate for love that I'm willing to risk everything to be with this man who I have no business being with?
"Talk to me Anna."
"I don't know what to tell you. You want to get to know me? This is who I am. I'm good with projecting what others want to see or need me to be, I've done it all my life, just never quite good enough. The expectations placed on my shoulders have been crushing me slowly since I was born."
He frowns at me but doesn't move away. I think I'm holding my breath while I wait for him to say something, anything.
"I'm sorry Anna but I still don't understand it. I've dealt with the same thing my whole life. Expectations to be the best, to carry a team or a country on my back. I'm probably one of the few people in the world that can understand the heavy weight of expectations and, while it's never easy, I don't understand the your point of view."
I pull away suddenly and sit up. I think it's so easy to see.
"Sid, of course you don't understand. You've met or exceeded everyone's expectations. You saved this franchise, you won two gold medals, everyone says that you're the best in the world and they've been saying it for all your years in the NHL. From what I understand, your parents, your sister, even Mario, have always been there to love and accept you. You don't know what it's like to never fully live up to other's expectations of you. The constant disappointment from the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally. Over time, it kills something inside of you. The weight of underachieving weighs down on your shoulders. It becomes unbearable."
I finish on a sob. I don't know where all of that came from but I feel the dam break inside of me and everything purges out. I can't even see Sid through all of the tears in my eyes but I do feel him sit up and pull me into his arms.
I have no idea how much time goes by as I sob in Sid's arms. The stress of the last twenty four hours, the lack of sleep and the horrible hangover contribute to my raw emotions. Eventually I feel my heart rate slow and become conscious of Sid's bare warm chest beneath my cheek, his hands holding me tight to him and his arms wrapping me in his warmth.
I continue to act on instinct and turn my head so that I can leave a kiss lightly over his heart. When I look up at Sid, he kisses one cheek and then the other, kissing away my tears.
"I'd say that was a long time coming" he tells me and he raises his hands to wipe away the rest of my tears.
"Yeah" I reply.
We sit that this, in each other's arms, with comfortable silence surrounding us.
"Do you think that little of me? Actually, do you really think that little of yourself?" he asks me. I don't answer him because I don't know what to say. "Put all of the bull shit aside Anna and you are a beautiful, smart, funny, sexy as hell woman. Why wouldn't I want to be with you?"
He seems to have knocked down all of my defenses because I answer honestly.
"Because nobody else has."
For a moment Sid looks very sad.
"Anna, I'm with you because I want to get to know you better. I like spending time with you and enjoy everything we do together." He wiggles his eyebrows when he says 'everything'. "You need to trust me Anna" he tells me softly. "I won't hurt you, I promise that I'll never hurt you like you've been hurt before."
I want to believe him. I'm desperate to believe him. Pushing all reason from my brain, I listen only to my heart and speak with that in mind.
"I'll trust you Sid. I promise that I'll trust you."
He searches my eyes for a few moments and must like what he sees because he smiles.
"Good" he replies. Sid looks behind me and says "it's 7am. When do you need to get to the office?"
Shit!
"It's 7am? Oh my God, I have to get out of here."
I leap out of bed and run into the bathroom. Stripping, I shower and take care of everything else quickly. Hair up, make up on, I run out of the bathroom and find Sid sitting on my bed. He's been busy because my bed is made, he's dressed and holding a glass of orange juice and coffee holding both up to me.
I take the coffee and a drink deeply. The caffeine should kick in soon but just the taste moves out the remaining cobwebs in my head. Sid drinks the orange juice.
I dress as quickly as I did everything else and gulp down the rest of the coffee.
"I'm so sorry" I tell Sid and kiss him lightly. "I have to get into the office. Shit!"
At the last minute I remember that my car is parked at Consol and I took a cab home after drinking too much. A glance at my watch shows me how late I am and waiting for a cab will take forever.
"You don't have your car here, do you?" he asks and I shake my head. "Come on. I'll drive you."
He stands and turns to leave. I stop him and say "thank you. For taking care of me last night, for driving me in this morning and for" I gesture to the bed. "For everything."
"You're welcome" he tells me and kisses me softly.
He takes the coffee cup and glass to the kitchen while I gather my purse. As we leave the apartment, he takes my hand and we stay that way until we're at his car. Once inside, he heads to Consol.
"I didn't think the office staff got in until after 9am" he tells me.
"That's right but I need to be in earlier. I have the same responsibilities as the other interns but I also have everything for Geno. I like to get in before 8am."
"Oh, that's horrible. Before 8am?"
I watch his nose crinkle as he says this. It's so cute.
We don't discuss it but I know Sid is keeping in mind that we don't want to be seen together like this because he pulls into the garage rather than dropping me off out front.
He puts the car in park when he's next to mine and turns to me.
"Can we get together tonight?" he asks me.
Inspired, I say "why don't you come to my house for dinner?"
He smiles widely and asks "are you going to cook?"
"Yes" I tell him.
"Then hell yes."
He kisses me softly twice and then I get out of the car. I know that I have a huge smile on my face and I'm humming as I walk into the building. It's going to be a great day.
Sidney
I tried to keep it light as we left Anna's apartment and I drove her to Consol but, as I drove to my house and even now as I shower, I'm blown away at the negative opinion that Anna has of herself. It's a rare peek at who she truly is, deep inside, where she doesn't let most people in and it is a very complicated place.
Doubt creeps into my brain. Do I really want to deal with all of this baggage during the season, especially a really important season, with so many new players and a completely new coaching and management staff? I've avoided relationships during the season every year for a reason. Even if I've had a girlfriend, she knows that she won't be hearing from me or seeing me regularly. If she made more demands than that, well, then it was over.
I have missed so much time in the prime of my career with injury and I've worked so hard to play at the highest level and achieve my dreams. Can I risk it for a girl I don't know I have a future with? Instinctively, I know that Anna would be worth it but, right now? I'm already tied up in knots over a misunderstanding based on something Mario said. Maybe it's best that I learned this about her insecurities now.
Then my subconscious asks 'learned what? That she has self-doubt? That she feels the constant pressure to be someone she's not or the perfect version of herself? Doesn't sound familiar at all huh?'
Apparently my subconscious is sarcastic.
I hear my phone so I finish up in the shower, dry off and wrap a towel around my waist. The phone is in the bedroom and I smile when I see that it's a text from Anna.
'Thanks again for taking care of me last night' she texts.
It's odd how different everything can be in just twenty four hours. Yesterday morning she was upset and Geno was pissed at me. This morning, Anna is thanking me and Geno, shit, I'm going to have to pull him aside this morning and make sure that he's ok too. Hopefully he'll see how happy Anna is and know that we made up. It's nice that he feels that protective over her but, not for the first time, I wonder why. Is it just a brotherly concern or does he have feelings for her that have nothing to do be being a big brother?
'You're welcome' I text back. 'I'm looking forward to dinner'
'Come hungry'
'Oh, I am'
She sends back a winky face and a kiss. Perfect. Absolutely perfect.
It doesn't take me long to finish at home and get back to Consol. I keep a look out for Geno as I walk through the lounge greeting the guys. He's not here yet of course. Geno has been on time more often since Anna started but he's still Geno 'the tardy'.
"Sid!"
I turn when I hear my name and I'm surprised to find G calling me looking serious. It seems that he wants to address this right away which works well for me too. We can't have any weirdness on the ice and it's crucial that we either deal with it or let it go before getting on the ice. I follow Geno as he walks down a deserted hallway.
"So?" he asks.
"So what?" I think he wants to talk about Anna but want him to confirm that first. Even in this situation, I hate talking about my personal life.
"Did you make it right for Anna?" he asks.
"Yeah G, we talked and everything is ok."
He looks skeptical and asks "sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure."
"You with her still?" he asks.
Now I really wonder what is going on with him. Is he asking because he's interested? Is he checking if the path is clear for him to make a move on her?
"Yeah, I am" I tell him and then decide to go for it. "Is that a problem?"
He looks surprised that I asked and then unsure for a moment. My mind runs in a million directions wondering why he seems unsure.
"No" he says finally. "No problem if you no upset her."
This doesn't completely assuage my concerns so I ask "Geno, are you interested in Anna?" He looks confused so I continue. "In dating her G, are you interested?"
Now he laughs and it's full, head thrown back, hand on his stomach laughter that takes a few moments to settle down.
"No Sid" he finally says. "She like little sister."
I let go of the breath that I didn't realize I was holding and instantly feel better.
"Good" I tell him.
"But you don't hurt her again."
I almost laugh but notice that he's serious. I guess he really is looking out for her.
"No, I won't G" I tell him.
It's almost comical the way he nods once and then walks back to the lounge. I have to admit that I'm a little afraid of him right now. There is a Russian mafia, right?
Back in the lounge, I get myself breakfast and join some of the guys. Tanger and Flower are competing for the cutest kid pictures. Of course Duper stirs the pot by saying that Tanger's son and Flower's daughter could date when they're old enough. Flower immediately tells Tanger to keep Alex far away from Stella, in French of course, and even those who don't understand French start laughing. It's pretty clear what's going on.
Someone mentions the time and most of us leave to get changed and warm up for practice. Mike is very fond of wind sprints so we all need to be ready for the last fifteen minutes of ice time. In all likelihood we'll be skating until we're ready to puke. It won't be the first time or the last I'm sure but you don't see it a lot in the pros. We only have a specified amount of time on the ice so coaches don't usually spend it on conditioning. I sometimes wonder if Mike forgets that this is the NHL and not the AHL.
We have a high energy practice with a lot of time spent on special teams. It seems to be coming together primarily because the guys are totally bought into Tocchet as the PP coach. Mike observes, has short conversations with Tocch and then goes back to watching again. They want me along the half wall which is mostly new for me. I'm used to being down low and, even though coaches try new things, that's where I'm most comfortable and that's where they usually let me play.
As predicted, the last fifteen minutes of practice is skating wind sprints using cones and then lines in the ice. I've never understood wind sprints myself. Sure, they show the coaches who's close to game shape and who's not but you see that in a game anyway. Besides, we're all pros and should know by now what game shape looks like and how to prepare for it. At some point you just need to play to get your legs and lungs where they need to be.
After practice, I stay out on the ice with Tanger to practice tip-ins while most of the other guys leave the ice. A few of the young D skate with Agnew at the other end while Tanger shoots pucks by me. After we exhaust the current pile of pucks, we both chase them to create another pile and I feel an itch at the back of my neck. There are always people watching practice and, unless it's a closed practice, there will usually be people that I don't know and I can usually ignore them. The itch doesn't fade so I casually glance up in the stands and immediately know who it is.
Anna sits about twenty rows up with one of the other interns, a guy, who I've seen her with before. Our eyes lock briefly and then we both look away. I get back in position to take the tips from Tanger excited that Anna is watching.
"Ok Sid, gotta go" Tanger says so I nod.
We gather up the pucks and leave the ice together.
"Taking Alex to an indoor playground after lunch" Tanger tells me.
"What's an indoor playground?" I ask.
"Just what you think it would be. Instead of going to a playground outside, you can take the kids to one inside and it has the same equipment and more. There's things to climb, games like tee ball, slides."
"That sounds cool" I reply.
"Yeah, he loves it and, with today's rain, Catherine is going crazy keeping him inside all day."
We're the last ones to get into the locker room so I only have time to remove my helmet and put on my cap before the media comes in. There are lots of questions about the sprints and the power play. We don't play today and it's only the beginning of the season so there isn't much else to discuss.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Anna sitting beside Geno reviewing something on her tablet. She points to it and they both laugh. When Anna laughs, she shifts and her skirt rides up higher over her crossed legs and her breasts push and pull at the buttons of her blouse. Very quickly, I get uncomfortable in my cup and force myself to look away. Tonight can't come soon enough for me.
When I come out of the change room, freshly showered, I see the back of Anna as she turns a corner and down a hall. There's no one paying attention to me so I quickly follow after her and catch up down another hallway where I grab her arm and pull her into an empty room.
"What" is all Anna can say before my lips cover hers and I push her against the wall. Her surprise changes and she catches up quickly. Anna's hands grab my shoulders and pull me closer so that my leg pushes against her core. The moan that escapes her lips has me harden, instantly, and I begin to rethink my actions. A quick kiss isn't going to be enough.
I slide my hands down to her hips and lift one of her legs to wrap around my hip. This gives me even greater access to grind against her. Anna gasps, freeing my lips and I trail them down to the soft, warm skin of her neck. Her hips tilt, I push harder and capture her lips with mine again. I'm quickly losing all rational thought. Any semblance of restraint is gone when my fingers travel up her thigh, under her skirt, and I find warm, bare flesh above her stockings.
I dip at my knees and push up with my hips. The friction is incredible and I'm desperate for more. One of Anna's hands has fallen from my shoulders and lies on my hip. As I kiss her again, I take her hand and slide it over the front of my jeans. It's my turn to groan when I rub her hand over my erection; unfortunately, instead of finding relief, I become desperate for more and push into her hand. I notice immediately that Anna stiffens and it's like a bucket of cold water washes over me.
Pulling back from Anna, I take deep breaths and look at her. She is also breathing deeply but now she's pale.
"I'm sorry" I tell her. "I just meant to kiss you and, um, I guess I got carried away."
Anna gives me a weak smile and straightens her skirt.
"Yeah" she replies softly.
Something is off. I watch as she pulls herself together but there is still something off.
"You said you'd trust me" I tell her softly. "What's going on?"
Anna takes a deep breath, lets it out, and then takes another one.
"Ok, I do Sid" she tells me but can't look me in the eye. "It's just that I've never, I mean that I've never" she stops talking but gestures with her hand down to my waist.
I don't know if I'm being particularly dense today but I don't get it. She's never done, what? I look down and see my erection. Oh! She's never touched a guy's dick? But she's not a virgin. I look up and she's turned from pale white to bright red. How can this girl be so innocent and so unbelievably hot at the same time? All I can think about is pushing her up against that wall again and finish what we started so I take a step back.
"Oh" I say, brilliantly.
Anna clasps her hands and begins worrying her fingers. God, I keep forgetting that she's inexperienced.
"It's ok Anna" I tell her. "I'm glad you told me. Um, why don't we put this on hold until dinner tonight? We can talk then, ok?"
She looks up at me hesitantly so I lean down and kiss her thoroughly but quickly. When I finish our kiss, I stay close to her and rub her nose with my own. She smiles finally and I know that we're ok.
"Ok" she says softly.
"Ok" I reply. "You go first, I'm going to need a few minutes here to collect myself."
She giggles and kisses my cheek before leaving the room. I'm in so deep.