"Get a room!" was followed by Becky's distinctive giggle.
I let my hands fall from Bucky's hair, slowly pulling my lips away from his and letting my eyes flutter open. I felt like I'd ran a mile, no jumped off of a cliff - out of control but in such a glorious way. I didn't move from Bucky, my breath still intermingling with his, bodies still pressed against each other's.
Bucky's eyelids flashed open to reveal the piercing blue beneath them. Up close there were no signs of imperfections in his eyes, no patches of green just pure, icy blue. "Your eyes look greener when you blush, doll." Bucky laughed, twirling to hide me from the crowd. His muscular build covered me from the eyes of everyone - they'd all stopped dancing.
"Shut up," I muttered. I couldn't look anywhere else other than at Bucky.
"Are you - the hardcore Zoe - embarrassed?" He laughed as the song finished.
"No," I muttered, stepping off of his toes.
"You can't sneak off to your room now, doll." Bucky winked at me, his crooked grin plastered to his face. "It's only six o'clock. So tell me, was that only adrenaline?"
"Mmmm..." I mumbled as Bucky kept my gaze, taking my hands down from his neck and running them down his arms. "I have no idea what that was or what caused it but I do know that it felt right. It was probably the only good thing I've done in a long time." I reached up onto my toes, pressing my lips lightly onto his before pulling away again.
Bucky nodded, smiling. "I knew you hadn't put away your old self, she's right here now." He reached to the side, handing me my crutches.
My phone vibrated. I fished it out of my pocket. "Awwwwwwwwww... Told you so!" The text was from Becky. I stepped to the side, to look at her smirking face. Ridiculous. But it wasn't the only smirking face, everyone was smiling. I'd somehow forgotten how many people were in the room... Dammit.
Steve and Sam looked to Bucky nodding their heads, giving Bucky the thumbs up. Sharon raised an eyebrow at me - she wanted answers. Aha.
"What are we going to do now?" I asked, trying to avoid the entire awkwardness of the situation. I would confront the consequences of it later.
"I don't know, what do you want to do?" Becky looked up at me from her chair, taking my arm and pulling me down to her height before she whispered "Besides Bucky."
I stood back up pretty quickly, shrugging and casting Becky a glare.
"Think -" Becky laughed. "- What would you, Zoe Frost, do?"
I felt my neck tingle at the thought of racing. No. "What do you want to do, Becky?"
"Watch videos of us when we were young. I downloaded them onto my phone." Becky picked up her phone from her lap, waving it at me.
"Fine, sounds good." I shrugged, swinging over to a chair.
"This should be fun," Sam muttered, walking over to a chair next to Becky.
"Remember when you used to jive?" Becky now held a remote for the TV. It was like a cooking show, I'm pretty sure she was going to say 'and here's what I prepared earlier' because she obviously had had this in mind the entire time.
I looked from the plasma screen to Becky. "Yes, not exactly young but..."
Bucky sat down next to me. "You danced?"
"Uh huh." I looked back to the 70 inch screen as a happy girl appeared on screen in a bright red vintage dress. Red lipstick pulled into a smile, highlighting her green eyes. She was laughing, a completely different person - but still me.
Sam whistled. "Wow, what the hell happened to you?"
Upside down by Paloma Faith started to play. This was when I could dance... A title appeared on the screen: jive choreographed by Zoe Frost.
"Come on!" I had giggled dragging Becky to the edge of the dance floor with her camera.
"It's on." I had heard Becky say.
"This is going to be amazing!" I'd laughed, taking my place on the dance floor.
I was vibrant on the TV screen: I clicked along to the beat, nodding my head, other hand on my hip. Male dancers danced towards me. I spun, I twirled, I winked, I danced like there was no tomorrow. I took turns dancing with the other dancers, doing all sorts of lifts. So care free and happy - if only I'd known what was going to happen to me. My red dress spun, a giddy smile on my face, miming to the song. I shook my shoulders, before doing cartwheels, landing in front of the camera.
Red lipstick smudged the lens as the girl giggled.
"Perfect, just like the 40's!" Someone had called.
"You have to teach me how to do that!" Pepper was already standing up, looking at me.
I shook my head, patting my right leg. "I can't, I'm sorry Pepper."
"Oh, I forgot." She sat back down, her face falling.
"Cheer up Pepper." Becky had an evil grin on her face. Oh dear... The only other times I'd seen that was when she was showing my past boyfriends pictures of me when I was little in the bath. "You can see Zoe's tango." This was definitely worse than the rubber duck sinking video...
"No Rebecca." I raised my eyebrow at her.
"Please, you won the championships with it," Becky protested hitting play anyway. E.T began to play by Katy Perry. Oh dear god...I covered my eyes.
Gasps erupted around the room. Shit. I sunk my head lower, peeking over at Bucky. His eyes were glued to the screen, his crooked grin replaced with shock. Dammit. As the music kept playing, Bucky's face changed from shock to something else, his mouth hung open still but his eyes seemed a little more alive. The ladies man had re-entered the building.
I moved my fingers to see the last part of the dance. I hung in my dance partners arms, ending exactly on time. I smiled brightly before taking a bow with him. No flaws, no nothing. Perfect. And that wasn't just the routine. A low cut, dark red dress sparkled under the lights. The slit ran right up my leg ending on my hip - risky didn't even begin to cover the description of the dress. Why the hell had I worn that?
"Well done Zoe!" Someone had shouted on the recording. Peggy, before she went into the care home.
"Hey Peggy." I hugged her, my red dress beautiful under the dance floor lights.
I heard Steve and Bucky gasp. Of course, the knew her...
"That was great by the way... Dancing." Peggy's eyes glazed over. I held her hand on the screen, watching her, biting my lip.
"I was going to dance with Steve... So many people were lost...Steve and Bucky..."
I hugged her again before the video ended, tears in both our eyes. "All lost things come back to us eventually."
"You know Peggy?" Steve asked from Sharon's side. His warm blue eyes were on me, waiting.
"She saved me from drowning when I was little," I sighed, running my hands through my hair. "She was the one who taught me how to dance. That's how I met Sharon, I went to her house every Wednesday for war stories."
"Have you visited her since?" My thoughts flickered to that awful night, I couldn't remember anything but her name - Peggy Carter.
I looked away from Steve, shaking my head. "No. I heard what happened to her though. I wish I could have gone to her funeral. Say my last goodbye. Visit her memorial here, but I haven't yet."
"Why not? What are you waiting for?" Steve and Sharon were both standing. "Let's go to her memorial now."
I couldn't say no without being rude and I couldn't say yes either, I doubt Peggy would be pleased to see me if she was still alive.
"Yes." Becky beamed tugging on Sam's hand.
Bucky stood up, looking down at me.
I nodded my head, technically I wasn't saying yes, no matter how much I needed to scream no.
The only noise in the car was its own engine as Bucky held my hand and I daydreamed out of the window:
I lifted myself through the window of the care home, into the room of Peggy Carter. The only safe place I knew at the moment. My limbs ached from running, apart from my right leg. The leg what HYDRA had replaced with a monstrosity. I'd escaped. I was free, for now. Whoever I was...
"Who is it?" Echoed from a bed in the middle of the room.
"It's me Peggy?" I quietly tiptoed to the end of the bed. At least that's who I thought I was.
"Zoe," she smiled, sitting up in bed. She was so frail now, that much I remembered. Zoe... So that was my name. Zoe, it didn't feel familiar at all. A simple label to a face I barely knew.
"Hey." I smiled from the darkness, she couldn't see me like this. Whipped, shot at, cut and bruised. Hair plastered to my face and fear in my eyes.
"Let me see you properly." Peggy reached for the light.
"No, don't Peggy, please." I reached forward, my gloved hand dripping on the bed. Beads of red stained the covers of her duvet.
"What's wrong Zoe?" Her smile vanished, the stern, strong-willed Peggy Carter now sat in front of me, brown eyes staring into mine.
"HYDRA," I whispered into the darkness.
"Are they here?" Peggy asked, eyes darting around the room.
"No, I've lost them for now." I went and sat down next to her. The sudden comfort was bliss, the weight off of my legs. My sides ached - broken ribs protesting against my position.
"Zoe..." Peggy whispered, her hand lightly touching my bruised cheek. "What did they do to you?" Sadness. It was so loud in her quiet voice.
"I went to war and they captured me, there was an explosion and I lost my leg, they replaced it - I think, I don't know... I didn't know my name until a minute ago." I shuddered, touching my right leg.
Peggy's face was serious as she spoke "You're not under their control are you?"
"No." I shook my head. Pain laced my spine from where I had been shocked.
"Do you remember?" She asked, holding my cheeks.
"Only you at the moment, that's why I came here." I shrugged. Pain. I winced.
"Okay." Peggy opened a drawer by her bedside. "Take this and come back when you're safe." Cool metal met my palm, she'd given me her gun. "Now go, you have to keep running."
"Thank you." I stood up just as the door opened. A man all in black - an assassin. I shot him in the chest before jumping out of the window. I didn't even think about it then. The trigger a mere extension of my finger, the weapon a part of me.
"You alright?" Bucky squeezed my hand as the car stopped. It was late evening outside, the light fading in the distance.
"Yes." I smiled at him. No.
I swung through the garden, the smell of pollen and fresh earth hitting me. The last time I'd seen Peggy...
"Margret is this way." A nurse nodded at me. "After the whole invader thing a week ago, she's still a little shaken up. Someone entered, left a few blood stains, we traced them to-"
"Is Peggy alright?" I interrupted him.
"Yes she's fine." He glared at me, opening her door. Douche. Then again, I had interrupted him.
"Zoe!" Peggy instantly smiled. "You're alright!"
I shook my head, mouthing "Still alive, for now."
I hugged her, the nurse shutting her door.
"Does anyone know?" Peggy whispered into my ear.
"No," I whispered back, pulling away and sitting down next to her bed. "I barely know who I am. It's been a week and all I have are thousands of puzzle pieces that aren't in any specific order."
"You can't keep it in," Peggy said, settling back into her covers. "They'll find out. Tell someone sweetheart."
"I don't know Peggy. I don't have anyone right now." I shook my head, taking her hand. "It comes back in snippets - dreams, flashbacks - triggered or not. It's stabbing and painful, knowing what I've done, learning what I've done. I don't want to know anymore."
"You can't blame yourself for what happened." Peggy squeezed my hand. "You need to remember the good parts of your life before the bad parts eat away at you. I told Sharon you'd meet her for lunch today after visiting me, she's in town. She's your best friend..." Peggy had told me about my friendship with Sharon, about Becky, my past and helped me fill in the gaps. She was there for me when I had no one else.
Her memorial was in the centre of the memorial garden, a beautiful design made of marble standing strong and proud just like she had. So many flowers had been laid at the bottom of the cenotaph of all different colours. Roses, violets, lilies, sunflowers. I felt bare without anything to put down, to give, after all she'd given to me. I would still be on the run if Peggy hadn't of explained who I was.
A man put down a bunch of flowers, mumbling a prayer to the deceased. He wore rugged jeans yet a smart blazer - black hair gelled back.
I set down my crutches on the floor, looking down at the marble stating Peggy's name. "Compromise where you can. Where you can't, don't. Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. Even if the whole world is telling you to move, it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in the eye, and say 'No, you move'. You were right Peggy, I should have done that from the start." I should have fought HYDRA, escaped not simply complied.
The nurse looked at me, those eyes I'd seen those before. It was the same nurse who had seen me visit Peggy all of those years ago. "You were there the night HYDRA came to the home. We thought they were going to kill her until we realised it was you they wanted." He words were so clipped and angry. "Another one came after you, they killed my fiancé to make a statement: everywhere Miss Frost goes she leaves death, everything she touches is damaged and killed."
"I didn't hurt Peggy, I would never hurt her. As for your fiancé, I'm sorry." I left my crutches on the floor. "I can't bring her back but I'm so-"
"I don't want your apologies monster, that won't bring her back." The man clenched his fists. "Just tell me: was it you they wanted dead?"
"It was me, yes. That night HYDRA chased me through the streets, through London." I kept his gaze, I owed him that much.
Blue, brown, grey and green eyes stared at me. The others stood back from me, watching the scene unravel. What the hell was I saying?
"I escaped from HYDRA, I didn't know where to go." I shrugged - the gesture instantly feeling wrong given the circumstances. "I was scared, I couldn't remember who I was, or anything. They tried to drown me, so I remembered Peggy saving me. I went to the only place I thought was safe."
"Safe for you but no one else, I suppose it won't matter to you that Daisy died because you've killed hundreds of people but it matters to me, murderer - I blame you for her death." The man stepped away from the cenotaph and walked away into the distance.
Murderer. That was the first thing I had remembered. Their deaths. My hands killing them. Every single person I'd ever killed smashing into me like a freight train. Their screams. Their looks. Each one of them branded into my mind. I didn't know my name at that point but I knew who I was: a killer.
"What did HYDRA do to you?" Becky's voice broke my thoughts.
I looked to her, shaking my head. "I... They... You don't want to-" my voice croaked. " - Know. Excuse me." I picked up my crutches, swinging further into the garden, weaving between the gravestones. Why had I stopped running? Hiding? Staying to see Sharon had been a mistake. I should have kept going, stayed in the darkness where I belonged.
A fallen tree blocked my path. I stopped. I still had Peggy's gun, tucked safely in my trousers, hidden just like my leg.
"What did they do to you, doll?" A husky voice sounded beside me. I hadn't heard him follow me, but he was a soldier he was meant to be silent, or maybe I didn't want to admit it to myself that I wasn't alone. It only made it more unbearable being so vulnerable near someone else, dragging them down with me.
"I... You can't tell anyone." I looked to Bucky. I could feel the tears starting, slowly making trails down my cheeks, cold lines in the evening air.
"I promise I won't tell a soul, Zoe." Bucky wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a hug. I dropped my crutches, I didn't need them after all.
"I lost my right leg in the fall the day Becky's husband died, HYDRA replaced it after they found me in the snow, it's like your arm. That's why they ambushed our squad in the first place - they wanted me." I pulled Bucky closer, the tears falling faster. "I was the winter soldier mark 2 after you left them, I was going to be bet-" my voice cracked again as I broke down sobbing.
"Hey, hey, I'm here." Bucky stroked my back, resting his chin on my head. "I know what it's like, doll." His arms were the only thing holding me together right now - warmth and comfort. A safe place.