The Day After Mother's Day…

Olivia stepped into Ed's former apartment building and realized she didn't have the spare key on her ring. Luckily, the doorman recognized her, sent her up, and radioed the super to meet her at the apartment. After a few unanswered knocks, Olivia nodded to the burly man and he let her in.

"Want to keep the key, ma'am?" He asked as if he had better things to do, "Jack said you and your husband are the owners."

Olivia took the key. At best, Sarah would be nursing a painful hangover and would probably appreciate Olivia exercising some discretion. "Thanks. I'll leave it downstairs when I leave."

If Ed were there he would've cared less about discretion. Yesterday's drive home was spent mostly in silence as he calmed down, Noah slept, and Olivia worried about Sarah. However, when they got home, Olivia insisted on talking.

"I just don't get it," he griped, "She's all pissed off at Johnny, who was, by the way, completely out of line, and she decides to attack me?"

Even though Olivia was curious about Sarah's sudden one-eighty in regards to her father, she opted to divert the conversation in another direction. "I'm more concerned about her drinking."

The point took a few seconds to register. "You think it's that bad?"

"I think it's escalated."

Ed thought about the past year and a half or so. Sure, Sarah consumed what was probably an above average amount of alcohol, but she also consumed it, as far as Ed knew, at parties and other family functions where everybody was drinking more than usual. Also, she was twenty-five years old, had been through an embarrassing divorce, and lived in a city where there were bars on every block. Then again, she'd passed out more than once after binging at their home, and now she'd flown completely off the handle and targeted him, Olivia, and, by extension, Noah. Inexcusable.

"She's been so…seemed so fine," Ed murmured. "Like, I thought she'd kinda moved on from Jeff and was settling in to the new job and happy. But she's playin' us."

Olivia wedged herself in the oversized chair next to Ed and nuzzled him, "I'll talk to her," she offered, "If you want me to."

"Better you than me."

Olivia looked at him quizzically, "What she said…it bothered you, I can tell."

"It's complicated, Liv."

"Tell me."

Ed sat up straighter so he could fully face her. "I thought the girls and I…thought we moved past all the crap with their mother. You know the story—she excused cheating on me with the bullshit about me never being there for her and the girls."

Olivia winced and let loose a faint gasp. Never before had Ed acknowledged that part of the story. He alluded to it several times, but he had always intentionally avoided explicitly admitting Angela began seeing her current husband while she and Ed were still married. To say it was to admit a certain degree of failure even though they were both to blame. Also, the breach of trust sharply wounded him. Marriage vows, in Ed's mind, were non-negotiable; if Angela had been unhappy, she should've worked on the marriage first.

"And they blamed you for a long time," Olivia said softly.

"I don't know if it was blame…but it was, I think, they didn't trust me. And they didn't trust her, especially when she dragged them out to Long Island to live. So they had each other and that was it. When Brooke went to college, that was when Sarah stopped talking to everyone—"

"Stopped talking to everyone?"

"Withdrawn. I think she felt abandoned."

Olivia understood. "That must have been horrible for her."

"Must have been," Ed replied dryly, "But she never talked to anyone about it…so how was anyone supposed to help?"

"I didn't know she and Brooke ever had a problem like that."

"Sarah got over it after she graduated from high school and went to college herself. And then the two of them reconnected…and, at some point, came to the consensus that I wasn't the bad guy. Or so I thought."

Olivia played with the collar of Ed's shirt. "I think…she was upset today. And things she didn't mean flew out of her mouth. She wasn't even making sense when I talked to her outside. It'll be fine."

But now, as Olivia stepped gingerly through the living room of the apartment, she doubted her own advice.

"Sarah?"

No answer.

"Sare?" Olivia's footsteps echoed as she walked down the corridor to the bedrooms.

She rapped gently on Sarah's bedroom door.

Nothing.

A sick, sinking feeling erupted in the pit of Olivia's stomach as she pushed the door open. To her temporary relief, the bed was empty. The room itself was a mess, but that was not unusual. Olivia stepped around shoes and clothes to check the other side of the bed and then the closet. For good measure, she lifted the floral-printed duvet.

Empty.

After a call to Sarah's phone went straight to voicemail, she called a trusted TARU tech and asked him to dump the calls and texts made from Sarah's number in the past twenty-four hours.

"No more than an hour and I'll have it," he said.

"Thanks. Send it directly to me."

Next she called Ed. Had Sarah simply been nursing herself back to health after a night of drinking, Olivia would have considered keeping this temporary missing persons case to herself, but, they had a potentially nightmarish problem on their hands. The call went to voicemail, but Ed called right back.

"Hey, Liv, what's goin' on?"

Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. In her career she'd delivered the absolute worst news to families multiple times, but explaining to her husband that his daughter was missing suddenly proved excruciatingly difficult.

"Ed."

"Yeah? Everything ok?" Her breathless voice alarmed him.

"We can't get a hold of Sarah."

"Who's we?"

"Me and Brooke. Her boss…called Brooke today when Sarah didn't show up for work."

"Damnit."

"I'm at their apartment now. She's not here. And…I wouldn't really know if she had been here."

"Lemme call my mother. I thought she was staying there last night?"

Olivia heard the edginess in Ed's voice and knew he was regretting not demanding she ride back to Manhattan with them. "Let me know what she says. Maybe she's still there?"

"She shoulda still called her boss."

"Yeah, well, I had TARU dump her phone."

"Good thinkin."

"Do the girls have any close friends here in New York?"

"Close? I don't think so."

"I'll ask Brooke."

"Alright. I'll let you know what my mom says."

"Okay. Hopefully she's there…and her phone died."

"Yeah," Ed heaved a sigh into the phone, "I love you, baby."

"I love you too."

"I'm sorry your day got ruined yesterday. I didn't even get to give you your real present." Sarah, apparently forgetting the totality of Ed's instructions, had merely dropped off the painting and propped it against the wall in the office instead of hanging it in the bedroom on the hook Ed had installed specifically for the artwork.

"It wasn't ruined. And…you know I'm never very concerned about presents."

"You're gonna love this one."

"I'm sure I will," Olivia replied, trying to sound sincere while simultaneously shouldering the burden of worst-case Sarah scenarios.

"Tonight," Ed said firmly, "You'll get it tonight."

"I'll feel better thinking about it when we find Sarah."

"She's probably just sleepin' it off in Riverdale. I'm calling now."

"Let me know."

….

Ed failed to reach his mother on the first call, but it didn't matter. Olivia had just turned the key to lock the apartment door when she heard the elevator ding and saw Sarah's disheveled frame step into the corridor. She wore the same clothes she'd had on the day before—torn jeans and an oversized pink plaid flannel. She stepped gingerly, as if she'd been walking all night in her heeled booties. Her hair was tied back in two messy pigtails and the makeup that hadn't worn off congealed in the corners of her eyes.

Olivia took a deep, relieved breath. "Sarah. Thank God."

Tears of shame and humiliation welled in Sarah's eyes before they spilled over and cascaded in thick streams down her cheeks. She limped towards Olivia and fell into her arms, choking back sobs and shuddering.

Olivia held her for a minute or two. "C'mon. Let's go inside."

Sarah followed her into the apartment and leaned on the island while Olivia started coffee. It began brewing and she texted Ed and Brooke before turning her attention back to Sarah. Despite looking like she'd been out all night, her clothes weren't torn and she had no visible injuries; nevertheless, Olivia went into cop mode.

"Are you hurt?"

"Not physically," Sarah mumbled.

"Are you sure?"

"Nothing happened to me, Livvie. At least, not what you're thinking."

Olivia still looked at her skeptically. "Where were you?"

Sarah rubbed her temples furiously. "I need to shower and go to work. My boss is gonna be pissed."

"I think he's more worried at the moment. We all are, or, were."

Sarah gaped at Olivia. "How do you know my boss?"

"He called Brooke when you didn't show up today."

"Fuck."

"Where's your phone?"

"Here," Sarah slapped her purse, "It's dead. But you probably already knew that."

"Where did you go after we left yesterday?" Sarah sniffled and began to cry again. She shook her head back and forth vigorously and Olivia rushed to hold her. "Listen. Breathe. Calm down. Use my phone and call your boss."

"What am I gonna say?" Sarah managed to ask between taking gulps of air.

"Tell him you've been sick since last night, you took some medicine before bed, and just now woke up and realized your phone was dead."

"Lie?"

"Do you want to tell him the complete truth?"

"He'll know I'm lying."

"Tell him whatever you want," Olivia said, "But, the bottom line is, you have to tell him something. Either way, you're risking something."

"Uggggggh," Sarah growled and balled her fists, changing emotions on a dime. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuuuuuck." She swiped Olivia's phone and connected hers to the charger lying on the counter. She made the call and used Olivia's story rather than make up something else or tell the truth. After ending the call she stumbled to the couch and collapsed there, covering her face with her hands.

"What'd he say?"

"Feel better and he'd see me in the morning. And…not to take anymore pills. Great. He thinks I'm a pill popper now."

"Okay," Olivia said soothingly and took a seat in the armchair, "Well, that's one thing out of the way. You're not in trouble at work."

"But I am in trouble with you and with Dad and Grandma and Uncle John and probably Noah and Brooke and who knows who else."

"You're not in trouble with any of us."

"Livvie? Were you fucked up last night too? I remember what I said. At least, most of it. And I was horrible to you. I'm so sorry."

"Sarah, what's going on?" Olivia leaned forward, her elbows on her knees, and Sarah peeked at her through her fingers.

"I'm so fucked up."

"Can you be more specific?"

Sarah groaned again, sat up, and sipped the coffee. "My life. It's like. I just can't."

"Can't do what?"

"Oh fuck."

"What?"

"The painting."

Olivia scrunched up her face. "Painting?" She vaguely recalled Sarah mentioning a painting in yesterday's second rant.

"I was supposed to hang it in your bedroom yesterday before I went to Grandma's. But I didn't. I just remembered. No wonder Dad was pissed."

"He wasn't pissed."

"Yes he was. As soon as he got there he was all mad."

"He was tired of being out, that's all. He wanted to go home. I kept him at Amaro's for too long. That's on me. And…how would he have known you didn't hang it?"

Sarah pondered this point and sipped more coffee. "I guess he wouldn't have known."

Olivia dragged Sarah back to the original question. "What can't you do, Sare? What's goin' on?"

Sarah wiped away freshly formed tears. "It's like, nothing goes right. Nothing. I can't do anything right. My job…I hate it, I'm always behind, I don't understand, so I end up acting like this girly flirty mess. I fucked up with Jeff, and, it's like, where am I going to meet someone new? Bars? The office? Do you know how hard it is to find someone to be in relationship with?"

Olivia thought the question was probably rhetorical, but she answered anyway. "Yes. I do."

I'm sure Dad, you'll figure out some way to FUCK THIS UP.

A horrified expression crossed Sarah's face as last night's words drifted back into memory. "Oh no," she moaned. "Oh, oh, fuck, oh man, Livvie, I. Am. So. Sorry."

"I, er, your Dad and I know you didn't mean what you said."

Sarah twisted her lips skeptically, "Dad?"

"Ok, I know you didn't mean it. Or, I know there's something else going on that made you say that."

"I'm horrible."

"No, you're not."

"Yes I am," Sarah shot back, "Look at me. Jealous. So, so, so fucking jealous." Genuine remorse filled Sarah's eyes. "I didn't mean what I said," she mumbled. "I just really, really, really want what you and Dad have and I feel like it's never gonna happen. You're so. Perfect."

"We certainly are not."

"Don't give me that story about how you hated each other thirty or whatever years ago," Sarah scoffed, "Right now you're perfectly happy. In love. And Dad's so in love with Noah and it's like…what the fuck? Why is he all into family now?"

Ed would have to answer that question, but Olivia put in her two cents. "Sarah, we are happy. But we're certainly not perfect, and we had to work through those imperfections before we ever got to happy. We've both made mistakes, and we've learned a lot about ourselves and about each other. A lot of things seem to have gone wrong with your Mom and Dad, and they didn't handle it particularly well, and…you and Brooke got stuck in the middle navigating it all and growing up at the same time."

"And neither one of them ever said one fucking word to us," Sarah replied bitterly, "It was just Mom hating Dad and Dad trying to pretend everything was ok."

"I'm sure they both regret it."

"It would be nice to know that."

"You and your Dad should sit down and have a talk," Olivia said as she exhaled a deep breath, "Without drinks. Just the two of you."

"Ugh."

"It's the only way, Sare."

"Livvie, what I said, about Noah, I don't want you to think I hate him. I love him with all my heart and I would seriously do anything for him."

"I know."

Sarah groaned again and whined, "My head. I need to eat."

"Sare, there's one more thing."

"Gawwwd. What else did I say?"

"It's not that."

"Then, what?"

Olivia took another deep breath. "I'm worried…that…you have all this inner turmoil bubbling below the surface and…instead of dealing with it, uh, productively, you're going a quick fix with alcohol." Sarah frowned and Olivia wondered if, perhaps, she'd taken the wrong approach. "And I'm worried, because I've done the same thing."

Sarah's eyes widened, "You have?"

"I was…flirting with disaster."

Sarah swallowed hard. "Was it because of that guy?" She'd been warned by her father never to bring up William Lewis, and she couldn't even remember his name, but Sarah sensed this was an extraordinary occasion.

Olivia took it in stride and answered honestly. "Partly. And also…after that…I was promoted to Sergeant. And, the stress of being in charge and then of being a single mom…it got to me. And it was easy to uncork a bottle at night and feel more optimistic for a while."

"But you still drink."

"I do, but it's not my stress reliever anymore."

"Because you have Daddy now?"

"Well, sure, having him in my life, having someone so solid, that made a huge difference, but also," Olivia bit her lip and tried to steady her increasingly wavering voice, "I—I realized what I was doing to myself was what my mother did…and she lost control, Sarah. She fell apart and became a miserable, violent, abusive alcoholic, and, I think, well, I've had so much trouble staying in relationships until now because I never understood what a mutually loving relationship was like. I've always been in self-preservation mode. Until your Dad made me realize I didn't have to do that anymore; that…there were still good guys out there who were willing to give just as much as I was willing to give. I knew I had to get a handle on the drinking because I do not, ever, want to put Noah through what I had to go through."

"Your mom," Sarah said, almost in a whisper, "there were good times though?"

"Sure," Olivia admitted, "but it's confusing and…terrifying…to have so much anger towards someone and also love them and want to understand them and take care of them. And she was all I had. I've made excuses for her over and over, but, at the end of the day, she did the best she could with the hand she was dealt." Olivia reached over and took Sarah's wrist, "I've been dealt a completely different hand…and my story will be different from hers."

Sarah looked down at Olivia's grip and then back up to her soulful brown eyes, "So what do I do?"

"You have to forgive. It's hard. But you cannot hang onto the anger you're feeling. You can't continue to speculate about why your Dad did what he did and why your Mom did what she did. Talk to them, Sarah. I know it's hard, but, I know for a fact, your Dad wants to talk to you. He loves you."

Sarah thought about the day Ed took her to Philadelphia and replayed the conversation he started by telling her he was worried. Yes, her Dad would talk. And be honest. All she had to do was ask. "And my Mom?"

"I don't know her well at all, but I can't imagine a mother refusing a request like that."

"And what about my mess of a freaking personal life?"

"For that…you have to forgive yourself."

"Have you forgiven your mother?"

Olivia allowed a few seconds of silence to go by as she pictured her mother both in a drunken rage and in one of her rare moments of clarity. "Yes, but she died before I could tell her."

"Oh." Sarah, crestfallen, sunk back into the couch.

Olivia smiled gently, "You don't have to be close to her, Sarah, but at least tell her, diplomatically, how you feel. Maybe, you'll get a little perspective. You don't have to agree with how she handled everything, but maybe you can start to understand."

"Understand…" Sarah murmured.

"And if the drinking…if it's too hard to—"

"I know."

"Your boss won't be so forgiving next time."

"There won't be a next time," Sarah replied, sounding more confident and less self-loathing.

"And maybe if you…felt better and had a clearer head, work would be easier?"

"Probably."

"And you don't have to do this alone," Olivia moved to the couch and put her arm around Sarah's shoulders. "All of us love you and we're here for you and you don't have to pretend that everything's okay when it's not."

Sarah nestled her head between Olivia's chin and shoulder. "Don't take this the wrong way, but…you and Daddy being so happy…I felt like I had to pretend. I mean, why would you want to deal with all my crap?"

"We love you, Sarah. That's what families do."

"Helluva life," she said cynically, moving back to her side of the couch.

"But we have too many good times to give up on each other."

"Yeah."

"So, where were you?" Olivia still wasn't convinced Sarah was physically unharmed.

"Promise not to tell Daddy?"

Olivia shook her head, "I can't do that."

"Sorry," Sarah muttered, "I shouldn't have even asked. I, uh, I did what I do…I'd said horrible things and I was so embarrassed and mad at myself, so I made it worse. I called a guy I knew in college and we drank more and, well, I slept with him…and for a few minutes I felt really good."

"You slept with him?" Olivia asked, parroting her for clarification.

"Yes Livvie. Totally consensual. On me. And yes, I'm sure. And yes, I feel like shit in more ways than one."

"Ok," Olivia stood up and opened the curtains with a flourish, letting in a stream of bright sunlight, "You're alive. You have your job. You have a sister and a brother and two parents…all within ten blocks…who are here for you. Tomorrow's a new start for Sarah."

"You think of yourself as my parent?" Sarah scratched her head, mussing her already untidy blonde hair.

The question surprised Olivia, "Well, sure."

Sarah covered her face with her hands again, "And look how I treat you. Ugh. What I said. I can't believe you even came looking for me."

"I've already forgiven you. Listen, I have to go. Are you okay here by yourself?"

"Yeah," Sarah stood up and stretched, "I need to shower and eat something. I'll be fine. And, I'll call Daddy later."

"I'm so glad you're safe."

"Me too. Thanks, Livvie. Again, I'm so, so-"

"Remember what I said about forgiving yourself," Olivia interjected. "Now's your chance to try." She gave Sarah one more firm hug before leaving. "I love you, sweet girl."

"I love you, too."

….

After Olivia sent texts back and forth with Brooke and Ed, she went back to work for the rest of the afternoon and was able to leave at a decent hour. On the way home she shopped for dinner; she felt like doing her version of cooking and purchased pre-marinated steaks and pre-prepared veggie casserole. The casserole could be heated in the microwave, and the steaks were easily prepared in the broiler.

When she arrived home to what she thought was an empty apartment, she immediately turned on the broiler and sorted through the mail while it heated. Opening a bottle of wine felt a tad hypocritical, but she poured two glasses anyway, knowing she and Ed would probably not even come close to finishing the bottle.

"When she comin?"

Olivia heard Noah's hushed voice emanating from the direction of their bedroom. She took another look into the foyer and, sure enough, Noah's everyday sneakers and Ed's usual wingtips were parked neatly by the door. With her hands full, she'd missed them when she entered.

Olivia tiptoed towards the hallway.

"Shhh, bud. She'll come in. She hasta change clothes."

"Mommy weared bwazer."

"Yeah."

The room was lit only by Olivia's reading lamp which had been contorted to shine its light directly on the painting. Her hand flew to her heart as she gasped. "Oh. My."

"Surprise!"

"Happy Muvvers Day!"

Stunned, Olivia could do nothing other than gawk at the painting. There they were, the three of them posing along the river with all of the glitz and elegance of Paris in the background. Ed came up behind her and kissed her on the neck. "Like it?"

"It's, um, amazing. I'm…shocked. How did you do this?"

"Guy at the frame shop recommended an artist…but the idea…that was from Noah."

Olivia stooped down to Noah's eye level. "It was?"

"Uh-uh. I drawed Paris, too!"

"Yeah," Ed said softly, "He was copying one of our pictures and I got this idea…and we needed somethin' else in here, so it worked out perfectly."

Perfectly.

"I love it," Olivia turned around to give Ed a proper kiss.

"Mommy! Somfin beep!"

"Oh," she cooed, her lips still on Ed's, "It's the broiler. Steaks okay for dinner?"

"Of course," Ed replied, "I got dessert."

Olivia narrowed her eyes playfully, "As in…"

"Actual food," Ed answered with a smirk, "But we can, uh, have it in here…ya know…as we admire the artwork?"

"You're too much," Olivia whispered in his ear, lightly biting the lobe as she pulled away.

"Mommy! Da beep!"

Ed shivered, "Better take care of the beep…or you're gonna have to take care of me instead."

Olivia grinned and answered Noah while staring deeply into her husband's eyes, "Okay, sweet boy. Let's make dinner."

"I arreddy eated dinner!"

"You did?"

"Uh-huh. Daddy got me a hoddog. Wiff mustard! An…no SPILLING!"

Olivia was still grinning at a now-sheepish Ed, "Well, I think you should try some steak and veggies anyway. Just a few bites."

"Okaaaaayyyyyy!" Noah shouted as he sprinted to the kitchen ahead of his parents.

"Hot dogs," Olivia said mischievously, "I…I don't think…those are on many athletes' diet plans these days."

Ed was self-deprecating. "They are on the spoiled son diet plan though."

"That they are," Olivia replied whimsically. "At least you're admitting it now."

…

#Tuckson

Ed and Sarah convo coming soon….

And what about Miss Melia?

And Carooke?