I am so so so sorry for the insanely late update. But I'm back and I'll go back to my usual updating schedule now.

It takes another three days and a police statement conducted by Detective Larson, the lead on her case, but Maura is finally allowed to go home. She walks in to breathe in the smell of freshly baked brownies, the sizzling of something frying in the pan and a freshly squeezed glass of orange juice waiting for her at the counter with a wide smiling Angela behind it.

"Your mother was here a while ago, but she had to leave, stuff came up." Angela comes around the counter and ushers Maura into a chair.

Maura nods slowly. "Life goes on."

No, mine didn't, Jane is almost tempted to say, but she pulls back the words and locks them back into her chest. This is about Maura.

"Drink up," Angela thrusts the glass into her hand, "Are you looking forward to seeing her?"

Maura shrugs. It still doesn't feel real. She lets the words remain thoughts.

Maura is taken by surprise by the bear hug that Angela pulls her into, spilling the juice over her top. "I'll leave you two girls to it." Angela edges away towards the door, vacating the thick air between the pair left behind.

"I'm sorry, Maura. I am so sorry." Jane sighs. No matter how many times she apologizes it still feels like nothing will ever make up for what she let Maura suffer.

Maura's eyes dart back to her as fast as her hand takes hold of Jane's. "I don't blame you." She stares at her until the weight of everything unsaid hanging between them makes her turn away.

The inside of Jane's cheek is raw from everything she is holding back.

"How can you not? If you had not met me none of this would have ever happened to you."

Maura smiles in a thin sad line. "I would not change meeting you for anything in this world, Jane."

"Me neither."

"I'm tired," Maura stands up, "I think I'm going to go to bed now." Jane nods and makes her way towards the couch, ready to settle in for the night.

Maura pauses a moment, she doesn't want to do this, but she needs to. "Actually Jane, I was hoping you would go home."

Jane pulls her lips into a smile while her heart squeezes inside her chest with no air making its way in until Maura gives a curt nod and makes her way to her room.

"Please don't start psychoanalyzing this one, Maur." Jane holds the door open for Maura to entre the therapist's office.

"It isn't my fault that they are incompetent."

"Maura."

Maura shakes her head. "I will be on my best behavior."

"Good. I have to head over to the station. Your mother will pick you up."

Maura nods.

"Be safe."

She walks into the office to find herself face to face with a tall red headed woman smiling at her.

"Good Morning, Maura. Would you like to take a seat?"

Maura settles down onto a plush yellow couch unimpressed by the woman's casual demeanor. The first six at least got off their chairs and let her in.

"How are you feeling today?"

If Maura had not promised Jane to be on her best she would have smiled and walked out. The one thing she was tired of being asked was how she was feeling. She didn't know what the answer for supposed to be and every time the question came up it brought out a rage she didn't know she possessed.

"Fine"

Dr. Janz nodded.

"This is a safe space, Maura, you can talk about anything."

"All my symptoms point to PTSD, which is understandable. I also have severe delusions that seem more real than my reality. My physical condition has improved considerably over the past ten days, and you are supposed to asses my mental state and help me."

Janz scribbles down words onto her notebook and brings her attention back to Maura.

"Maura, just inside this office can I be the doctor and you the patient?"

"We are both qualified doctors, Dr. Janz."

"We are. But only one of us is suffering psychological trauma."

"Have you ever been through something that make you question your reality?"

"It is common for kidnapped victims to build up false realities inside their head. It is a coping mechanism. But you are safe now, Maura. Or do you still feel unsafe?"

Maura smiles. "My family and friends never leave me alone anymore. They treat me as if I am a child."

"Does that frustrate you?"

"I just want to go back to my old life, but it feels so out of reach like it was never real."

Maura finds herself opening up to this woman more than she has to anyone since she has returned. Dr. Janz does not probe or push, she lets Maura find the words in her own time and Maura decides that perhaps she has finally found the right person to help her.

Jane has never before understood how truly terrible police statements can be. She has always respected the victims, appreciated their time and effort. But she has never before bitten raw the inside of her cheek. She knows that victims have to relive their nightmares, every scar cataloged for the reference of strangers they do not know. Except Maura knows them and in some ways that makes it worse. She points to the scar on her left arm narrating the story of how she got it attempting to reach the rope ladder. Jane winces as she gives an in depth account of having to sow up her skin without any pain killers. She turns away as Maura tells them about going hungry for days, or weeks.

She has already done this twice times before over the course of the past four weeks. Maura takes them slowly through what was an agonizing two months for Jane, but a seemingly endless and unidentifiable time for herself. Her head tilts in the direction of Jane before she recounts stringing the rope into a noose to finally make it end. Detective Larson scribbles a note on his book. Jane is tempted to bash her fist against the double sided window, but instead walks out of the room leaving Maura alone with the other detective.

"Thank you for letting us do this again, Dr. Isles. I'm just going to ask you one last time for the record: You never met him before the night he kidnapped you?"

Maura stares at the image of herself reflecting back in the two way mirror. She wonders who is standing on the other side listening in, watching her. She wonders if Jane went there. She swallows the lump in her throat and shakes her head. "No."

"One last thing," He places his hands on the table causing Maura to edge back in her seat. "I may have been the lead on your case, but homicide also put in all their resources. You have good friends here. I hope that they can help you. We're very glad to have you in one piece. Thank you for coming in, Maura."

Maura nods even though it doesn't really feel like one piece with her mind rocketing back and forth. She stands up and walks out the door Detective Larson is holding open for her. Jane stands leaning against the wall, waiting.

"I'm sorry." She repeats. It is something she has said more times than either one of them can count anymore.

Maura slips her hand into Jane's. "Stop," Her voice comes out hoarse.

Jane turns to face her, her mind furiously trying to discern what she finds in the pair of eyes staring at her.

"You can stop apologizing, Jane. I was the one kidnapped, yet you look just as bad as I do, okay maybe a touch better, but terrible all the same."

"You tried to kill yourself." It takes everything she has to hold in the sob trying to rip itself from her chest. She hasn't broached the subject in all this time and Maura has never brought it up either.

"It felt like the only way to make it stop at the time. You can't hold yourself responsible for it forever, Jane. Dr. Janz says if I am to accept this reality I need to let go of the world I created inside my head. I can't do that if we're not okay. I need you to stop apologizing."

"Dr. Janz seems to be working out better than the other six shrinks."

"She is so far."

Jane chuckles. "You seem to be doing much better. I'd say she's doing her job well."

"I'm coming back to work Monday."

"Are you sure you're ready?" Jane holds up a hand, "No wait. Dr. Janz says it's best to fall back into your old routine."

Maura smiles and it lights up Jane's eyes. "Yes, she does in fact."