24.

Olivia poked her head in the office after an extended lull of silence and saw Ed stretched out on the old brown sofa with his fingers clasped behind his head. He'd dropped his phone on the floor and his chest heaved as he took long, deep breaths.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," Ed answered without looking back at her. He waved his arm, "C'mere."

Olivia took a seat on the edge of the cushion and put a hand on his chest. "Short call."

"We're meeting tomorrow. She wants to talk."

"It's not going to be easy, Ed, but it really is for the best."

He sat up a little and pulled Olivia so she reclined against his chest. "Am I supposed to apologize? For what happened when she was a kid? She's the one who owes me, us, an apology. She's too old to act like that. We all had shit growing up. At some point she's gotta get over it."

"Just hear her out," Olivia suggested. "Let her do the talking. She's…well…she hasn't been able to get over you and Angela splitting up. She, uh, she has, at least, what I gathered, she has some misconceptions about how everything shook out."

"Oh I know. My ex did a very good job making everything my fault. What the hell was I supposed to do? I was working for Chrissakes. Supporting my family…" Ed trailed off.

Olivia felt him grow rigid with agitation. "Do you know," she said slowly, hesitantly, unsure whether or not Ed wanted to delve more deeply into what Sarah said, "Do you…have any idea what she meant?"

"By saying I'll find some way to fuck this up?" Ed snapped. Olivia shot back up into a seated position and he immediately regretted the hostile tone. "Liv. I'm sorry. I…I'm frustrated."

"And worried?"

"A little."

"Angry?"

Remorse and sadness filled Ed's blue eyes, "I would never forgive myself if I did something to ruin us."

"What aren't you telling me?"

"Nothin," Ed squirmed uncomfortably, "It's…Liv…you know the story. We went in two separate directions and neither one of us, well, the girls always had everything they needed, uh, material-wise, I'm so mad at myself that I didn't think to make sure they were…mentally okay. It seemed…I don't know."

"Like something their mother should do?"

Ed cringed. "Yeah."

"Sarah would probably appreciate hearing that."

"Hearing that I was too much of a man to really care about her and Brooke?"

"No," Olivia replied soothingly, "Hearing that you realize you made a mistake."

Ed groaned. "I was young. Trying to make Sergeant. And…" He went silent and rubbed his eyes vigorously.

"And what?"

He took a pained breath, "In a marriage I didn't believe in." He and Olivia stared at each other for a few seconds, processing what Ed had just said. "But, Liv…you gotta trust me, please, that I believe in us. You're the one I was always supposed to be with, and I'm not even mad that it took us so long to get here, the rest of my life…it's all about making you and Noah happy…making sure we're all happy…how long am I gonna have to pay for what happened twenty years ago?"

Defeat clouded Ed's entire demeanor and all Olivia could do was hug him. She pressed her cheek to his and caressed the back of his head. "I trust you, Ed. I love you so much. And I," she started choking up, "I believe in us, too. Sarah loves you, and she regrets what she said, but an honest conversation will help her understand where you're coming from…where you've been…" Olivia leaned her head back and met his glistening eyes, "and maybe appreciate how much you've changed."

"I'm so in love with you."

"Me too."

"You'll tell me…if you feel like we're sliding off the rails?"

"Yes," she firmly replied, "And you'll do the same?"

"Absolutely."

….

For the first time in a while, Olivia slept fitfully, waking up from dreams she couldn't quite remember and then taking several minutes to fall back asleep. Finally, shortly after five, she decided to go ahead and start her day.

Ed felt her lack of presence immediately.

"Whaddya doin?"

"Getting up."

"You alright?"

"I'm fine. Go back to sleep."

Olivia showered and used Noah's bathroom to blow dry her hair. After drinking a cup of coffee and flipping through a few news websites, she returned to the master bathroom to fix her hair and makeup. The sun had not completely risen and, perked up by the caffeine, she looked forward to arriving at the precinct early. Working for a couple hours without interruptions would be extremely productive.

She released the last section of hair from the curling wand when Ed entered the bathroom clad in only a pair of black boxers. He eyed the emerald blouse and black blazer hanging nearby; she was already wearing the matching slacks.

"Morning," he mumbled into her bare neck.

She leaned her head back, giving him more room to explore. "I told you to go back to sleep."

"Can't. You're not there."

Olivia chuckled at what she perceived to be his silliness.

"I'm serious." He pressed his body flush with hers and continued moving his lips against her skin, down her shoulder and then along the line of her shoulder blade. His hands slid from her waist to her breasts massaging them over her bra. Pausing momentarily, he glanced at their reflection in the mirror and smirked. "God, you're gorgeous."

Olivia reached for her eyeliner, but Ed gently removed the tube from her hand, deposited it back on the counter, and unbuttoned her pants. "So, damn, gorgeous," he whispered, sounding enamored as ever as he slid his hand down the front of her pants. "It's almost criminal," he growled playfully, "how fucking beautiful you are."

Olivia closed her eyes and assisted by tugging at the zipper. Ed moaned, appreciating her consenting to the morning's abrupt change of plans.

The pants fell to a heap on the tile floor.

The bra and panties landed on top.

The boxers followed.

Ed suddenly gripped both her hands and started walking out of the bathroom.

"Where are we going?" Olivia gasped, disappointed because her nerves were on fire and she wanted him right there and then. Immediately.

"C'mon."

"Ed."

"Sun's comin' up." He kept his body against hers as he led her to the living room.

"Ed…" Olivia gasped, "Noah."

"He's asleep. I gotta do this, Liv. Look." Ed stopped nipping at her earlobe and jerked his head toward the windows. The rising sun cast an orange glow across the skyline. Bathed in the early light, the buildings took on an impressionist façade, almost like they belonged in the Paris painting. "I wanna make love to you here. Even though," he laid Olivia on the chaise part of the sectional, "I dunno if I can take all this at once." He flicked his fingers between her legs before thrusting into her, "But Imma try."

"Ed," Olivia gasped as she looped her legs around him.

Their eyes met for a few seconds. Ed slowed his movements and gently stroked Olivia's face, "I love us here, Liv."

She threw her head back, and, having trouble forming words in the midst of Ed's lovemaking, managed to huff a labored, "Me too."

…

Later that day, Ed left work early so he could get Noah ready for soccer practice before meeting Sarah. At day care, Ed went unnoticed at first and stood off to the side observing Noah play with two other boys. They'd constructed a bridge-like structure with blocks and were taking turns rolling a dump truck underneath. The truck was too big for the opening, and the bridge inevitable crashed, to the boys' delight, each time.

In the throes of laughter, Noah leaned his head back and caught sight of the tall figure in the suit.

His Daddy.

Noah abandoned his friends and the toys and rushed over at full speed. Ed hoisted him high in the air.

"Hey, bud! Good day?"

Noah ignored the question, "We go to soccer?" He'd been asking about soccer since the last practice.

"Yep. Today's soccer day." Ed gathered Noah's bag and jacket, exchanged a few words with one of the teachers, and he and Noah walked the short distance to the apartment. Along the way, Noah practiced his kicks, jabbing the air with his little legs, and occasionally knocking himself off balance. Ed held his hand, steadying him.

At home, Noah's regular clothes were swapped for shorts and a t-shirt. Ed pulled on the long socks over the shin guards and reached for Noah's sneakers.

"No, Daddy! Da keets!"

"Nah, pal, we wear sneakers to the field and put the cleats on there. That way, they stay nice and sharp."

Noah gingerly put his fingers on the spikes. "Not sharp."

"No, not like a knife, but they still have a point. It helps grip the grass so you don't slip."

Ed smiled as Noah twisted his lips, considering the argument. He loved how Noah questioned almost everything lately. "I carry da keets?"

"Sure."

"Daddy, I hungey."

"Whatcha want for a snack?"

"Pizza."

"That's not a snack," Ed opened the pantry, "how 'bout some fruit snacks?"

"No."

Ed held out a Nature Valley Oats and Honey bar, "Want this?"

"No."

He inspected the refrigerator next, "Apples?"

"Okay! Wiff da dip?"

They did have caramel dip, but time was not on their side. Ed opened a small bag of sliced apples and handed it to Noah. "We have to walk and eat, No, or we'll be late for practice."

"Kay Daddy! Got da bag?"

Ed slung the large duffle bag over his shoulder. Its contents included a sweatshirt, sweatpants, the soccer ball, and a water bottle. "Got it. And, we'll put the cleats in there until you're done with the apples."

Mouth full, Noah nodded.

In the elevator, Ed explained that Olivia was meeting them at practice and would stay with Noah because Daddy had to meet Sarah. Noah accepted this without argument.

"When you see Mommy, make sure you hug and kiss her and tell her 'I love you.'"

"Like dis?" Noah squeezed Ed's leg.

"Yep! Just like that!"

"Lubbyou, Daddy!"

Ed mussed Noah's hair and gazed down adoringly at his son, adorably decked out in mini-soccer gear. "Love you too, Noah."

Noah giggled and popped another apple slice in his mouth.

….

Sarah waited patiently at the Columbus Circle entrance to Central Park. She leaned against the stone gate and absent-mindedly toggled through her photos. Most of them were familiar, but a few were not. Since talking with Olivia, Sarah had been spending hours and hours in self-reflection. It was only then when she realized how she'd been burning the candle at both ends—going in to work early to try and catch up and unwinding and dealing with stress at the end of the day by stopping for two or three cocktails and then opening a bottle of wine at home. She hadn't had a drop of alcohol since Mother's Day, and in the short time between then and now, she felt her head start to clear and the exhaustion begin to dissipate. On the way to the park she passed several pubs and desperately wanted to stop in for a shot, but she fought the urge. Olivia specifically suggested she and Ed have their conversation sans booze, and Sarah wasn't about to go against her Livvie's advice. Even though Olivia seemed confident Ed was capable of forgiveness and having an honest talk, Sarah feared he would hold a grudge because of her outburst.

When Ed arrived late he apologized for being late and explained he'd been delayed at the soccer fields by Noah's coach. Sarah shrugged and managed a tiny, understanding smile. Even though she didn't seem annoyed or agitated, a sudden realization dawned on Ed.

"Is that what this is all about?" He asked as they set off along the path.

"Is that what what's all about?"

Avoiding using the word jealousy, Ed replied, "I think I get it, Sare. You wanna know why I'm happy now and wasn't happy when you were growing up."

"That's…" Sarah scrunched up her face, "Um, well, I dunno, but, since you brought it up…"

Ed began reflectively, "Your mom and I, we, look, I probably shoulda said something to you before you got married because," Ed sighed, stopped walking, and moved over to the path's edge so they didn't block pedestrian traffic. "You wanna sit or keep walking?"

"Walk."

"Alright, well, I knew you were getting' in to something that wasn't gonna end well. I recognized it because you reminded me of me. Your mom and I…we'd been seeing each other for a while, both working hard, trying to make money, ya know, and…I think we both just thought, hey, marriage is what we're supposed to do next. It was almost like it was easier to get married than think about whether or not we were really happy."

Sarah fought back tears, so Ed continued.

"I love all my kids, Sare. All of you. Equally. The thing is, when you were growing up, I was still growing up. Your mom decided to go back to school, I was trying to get promoted—all of this for you and Brooke to have a good life. We both thought that way. It's just…her idea of a good life and mine, uh, diverged at some point and…what was already a shaky marriage…it fell apart."

Calming down, Sarah sipped her coffee and they walked in silence for a bit as she processed what her father told her. When she finally started talking, her voice was steady and full of resolve and maybe a bit of relief. "I wish…you and mom…it always seemed like you were, um, handling us. Whose weekend was it? Who was buying school uniforms? Who had which holiday and who was taking who where. It's like…now? You care about everything—not just…logistics."

Sarah was absolutely correct, and the facts stung Ed. "I'm truly sorry for that, Sarah. I really am. I regret it, but, you gotta, please, try to understand, I thought I was doin' the right thing at the time. That's what most people do, ya know, they do the best they can, and I made a mistake. Which is why, now, to use your words, I'm not fucking this up." Sarah winced. Ed felt apologetic for a split second, but he couldn't help getting in a passive-aggressive barb. He was still pissed about what she said. "I figured some things out. I learned. People learn and change, Sarah, forever. And I hope you can forgive me for…not totally being there for you…I'm sorry for that, but you gotta believe, it wasn't intentional, at least, at the time, I didn't think I was doing anything to hurt you."

Sarah's eyes filled with tears, "Daddy, I'm so sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it. I think, it came from a place, deep down, I'm…so frustrated…with a lot of things and sometimes it's hard to see you with Livvie and Noah because, I want that, and I'm wondering how many times I'm going to have to fuck up before I get it."

Ed stopped walking and sat on a bench. "Come here." His voice and face bordered on cop mode now as he got serious, "Stop thinking like that. If you think like that, you go into everything with the wrong attitude."

"I already screwed up one marriage," Sarah countered, "Maybe…if I woulda worked harder."

Ed shook his head, "That's not what marriage should be like, at least, not at first and not all the time."

"Why do you and Livvie work and you and Mom didn't?"

At this question, Ed and Sarah shared a laugh.

"Ok, ok," she said, "Dumb question."

Ed gave his daughter a gentle side hug and kissed her on the cheek, "Olivia is…extraordinary."

"She's so good."

"One of my buddies said that once."

"And you didn't kick his ass?"

"Nah. He was right after all."

Sarah laid her head on his shoulder, "Daddy, I really am sorry."

"I know. But also, John shouldnta said that to you."

"He called and apologized."

"I shoulda said something then," Ed admitted, "But I was furious."

"You had every right to be. And…being so…drunk…made it worse for everybody."

More silence. The two of them watched people walk and jog past as they tried to figure out what to say next.

"Livvie made some good points about my, uh, rocky relationship with alcohol."

"She did?" Ed was only mildly surprised.

"Yes, and, I'm gonna work on that. It's just…I feel like I'm always searching…and…having drinks…it makes it feel like that search isn't so daunting."

"I understand. But, if you let the booze take over, it'll ruin your life. And I don't want that, obviously."

Sarah nodded. "I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this."

"If you wanna know what I think, it's, well, focus on your career right now. I know you're struggling with it, but maybe you'll feel better if you really dedicate yourself to being good at it. You're too smart to half-ass your way through all these projects you talk about."

"True."

"And you can't force a relationship. Look how long I had to wait for Liv."

"Oh stop. You weren't waiting for her."

Ed looked offended, "Sure I was. You don't think I was jealous of her old boyfriend? Who I had to work with for a while? Knowing he got to go home to her?" Ed blew a disgusted breath, "Torture."

"That really sounds like it sucked."

"It did. But…you never know what's gonna happen."

"Daddy," Sarah's eyes widened and they glistened with mischief, "Did you break them up?"

Ed laughed and continued beaming at his daughter. He loved her this way—playful, silly, and unabashedly curious even if her curiosity occasionally bordered on the inappropriate. "Of course not," he replied, "She figured out he wasn't good enough for her, then, all I had to do was prove that I was."

"That musta been hard."

"At first."

"When did you know you loved her? Like, really, really, really, had to have her…not just attracted to her?"

Ed decided to indulge her with some private details; the occasion seemed to call for it. "You remember the whole thing with Eugene?"

"Yes," Sarah replied with a disgusted expression.

"During that whole time, I kept waitin' for her to say, you know what, Tucker? This isn't gonna work. I kept waitin' for her to doubt me, to look at me like, what did you do? And she never did. She defended me. When I thought I was gonna haveta retire, she was right there beside me, giving me pep talks, vowing to fix it, to fight it. And it was the first time I'd ever had somebody on my side like that, she was unconditionally with me, she loved me even though we were both in the middle of a gigantic crisis…and through it all she made me feel like I was still…a good man."

"And Noey makes you feel like a good dad."

"He does."

"He loves you so much, it's so funny, he wants to be just like you. Doesn't that make Olivia a little mad sometimes?"

Ed shrugged, "I don't think so. She's, uh, she thought, when she first got Noah, that she'd be a single mom forever. She's thrilled he has what she didn't have. And…she loves our family." Ed nudged Sarah's chin with his knuckle, "Our entire family."

Slightly embarrassed, Sarah looked down at the bench. "So do I."

"So we can move forward? You're okay…with us?"

Sarah nodded. "I am. And I love you Daddy." She reached out to embrace him, "You are a good Dad, you'd do anything for us, I know it."

"I would."

"I'm sorry I'm so…dramatic."

Ed smiled at her. "Yeah…I really don't know where you get that."

"I think Grandma Caroline."

Ed thought about his spunky mother. "Yep. That must be it."

….

On the sidelines of Soccer Field B, Ed and Olivia Tucker lounged in their new folding chairs Ed purchased specifically for soccer season. When folded, the chairs fit neatly into a plastic tube with a convenient shoulder strap. Olivia couldn't help but chuckle to herself as they arrived at the field looking exactly like everyone else. Ed even agreed to leave the gun at home; however, he insisted on bringing the shield.

A few feet away, Noah warmed up with his team. Clad in their black jerseys, they were lined up to take turns kicking practice shots at their coach who served as the goalie. At first, Noah kept looking over at his parents and either smiling or waving, but as the line moved more quickly, he concentrated on the drill.

"I can't believe these kids are actually going to play a game," Olivia remarked, "Although, I am impressed the warmup looks so organized."

"That coach knows what he's doin," Ed replied.

"You would know," Olivia teased.

Ed reached over, cupped her head, and pulled her over for a kiss, "I love you, even though your attitude about kid soccer could use some adjustment."

Olivia laughed and gazed sweetly at her husband, "Let's see how all this goes," she gestured to the field, "And then maybe I'll work on it."

"You're gonna be surprised."

"If you say so."

Both Ed and Olivia jerked their heads when they heard Noah's coach call his name. They laughed when they realized what was happening. Brooke and Sarah had entered from the opposite gate and were walking along the edge of the field; Noah spotted them immediately and ran over to say hello. Most spectators were dressed in Saturday morning casual—workout gear or jeans. Brooke wore jeans and a sweatshirt, but Sarah refused conformity. She wore gray skinny jeans with high-heeled booties and a long, flowy, pink-and-white tunic and accessorized with a floppy, wide-brimmed, off-white hat and oversized aviators. Her hair tumbled in soft waves over her shoulders and upper back.

Noah wasn't the only one distracted by her appearance. His coach waited patiently for his return.

"Hi Noey!" Even though his cleats were caked with dirt, she picked him up for a bear hug, "How's my bro?"

"We warmin' up!"

"I see that."

Brooke kissed the top of his head, "I love your uniform."

"I da one-eight!"

"Eighteen," Sarah corrected.

"You better get back out there," Brooke said, "It looks like the game is about to start."

Noah squirmed out of Sarah's grasp and she put him down, "Go, Noah. And don't forget to score a goal for me!"

Noah kicked the air, "I use dese keets to run fast!"

"Love the cleats."

"Noah," Brooke urged, "Go over to your team, buddy. We'll be with mom and dad."

"Kay, Brookey."

"Good luck!" Sarah called as he ran back to his coach.

Sarah and Brooke made their way over to Olivia and Ed.

"Nervous, Dad?" Brooke asked.

Ed played along, "A little. One of you can have this chair."

Olivia smiled up at the girls and added an eye roll as Ed stood up and moved closer to the field. Noah's team won the coin toss and was set to kick off.

"Go ahead, Sarah," Brooke said, "You sit. I don't know why you wore those heels."

Sarah frowned, "Brookey, you have no style."

Olivia and Brooke ignored Sarah because player one-eight on the black team had broken away from the seemingly hopelessly intertwined knot of miniature soccer players.

"Go Noah!" Brooke shouted.

Sarah jolted from the chair and, despite the heels and the soggy ground, jogged over to stand next to Ed. "Omigod, omigod, omigod."

Brooke stood behind Olivia and dug her fingers into the older woman's shoulders.

The other kids trailed Noah, but they were several feet behind him when he caught up with the ball. The other team's goalie, startled by twenty kids descending upon him, abandoned his post and Noah easily booted the ball into the net.

The referee blew his whistle.

"GOALLLLL!"

Ed and Sarah raised their arms triumphantly.

"Yay, NOAH!" Brooke shouted.

Olivia, unable to contain her excitement, stood up and clapped her hands right along with all the other black-team parents. Her smile grew wider as Noah gave high fives to his teammates and stopped to talk to Sarah before rejoining his team.

"I kick da ball in da net!" He exclaimed. "You see it, Sare bear?"

Sarah stooped down to his eye level, "I saw it Noey! Great job! You scored a goal for me! I loooooooove you so much! But you gotta go back and keep playing."

"Kay!" Noah said as he ran back to his team.

Brooke and Olivia took their seats while Ed and Sarah remained shoulder-to-shoulder on the sidelines for the rest of the game. Their bodies jerked each time Noah looked like he could possibly break away for another goal. Only one other kid managed to score that morning. Late in the game, another member of the black team wound up for a monster kick. It was perfectly placed and had amazing velocity considering it had been kicked by a kid weighing in at only thirty pounds.

The ball landed in the back of the net.

Of his own goal.

The game ended in a 1-1 tie.

Afterwards, the Tuckers headed off for an early lunch. Everyone gushed over Noah's performance. He smiled and giggled at first but then became oblivious to the chatter as he enjoyed the cityscape from atop Ed's shoulders.

"When's the next game?" Sarah asked.

"Same time, same place Saturday," Ed answered.

"We'll be there," Brooke said.

"I'm on duty next weekend," Olivia reported.

"Don't worry, Livvie," Sarah said, "We'll cheer extra loud."

The family continued on to the restaurant as Ed explained how he and Noah were going to practice kicking the ball with his left foot instead of his natural right during the next week. "Coach says that's a good skill to practice early on," He added, feeling the need to justify the extra practice. "Right, No?"

"Right, Daddy!" Noah exclaimed, not really knowing what he was agreeing to.

Olivia slid her arm around Ed's waist and ambled along at his side. "You're such a good Dad," she murmured.

"Thought ya think I'm a little too good when it comes to soccer?"

"No such thing," Olivia replied, "I love it."

Ed smirked proudly. Ahead of him Sarah and Brooke walked along, chattering away. Sarah's arms flew about as she spoke; even though she still had a lot on her mind, he was glad to see the fun-loving personality return. Olivia gripped him more tightly and, even though it made walking more difficult, he leaned into her and soaked up the love and contentment radiating between them—it was a familiar but precious feeling, one he would clutch with a death grip for the rest of his life.

…..

#Tuckson