I do not own Lorien Legacies or any of the characters.

Long Night

I roll over, staring up at the stars. I find my hand instinctively reaching out toward a hand that hasn't been there for better than two years. I stop my hand, letting it rest flat on the ground and feel the breeze cooling the tears on my cheeks. I sit up, looking around silently. No one else is moving, except Eight, who is tossing and turning like he's having a bad dream. My eyes drift across the hut to Marina, who's lying facing away from me, and feel my jaw clench again. I silently stand, making my way out of the hut and sit on the edge of the cliff we're on.

On the way, Eight had told us about how a human was bought off by the Mogadorians to get Eight's Cêpan to fall for her then lead them to a Mogadorian trap. Once there, the Mogadorians killed the human, Lola, Eight's Cêpan, Reynolds, and stole Eight's Chest. Then, we had reached the hut Eight had been living in and made ourselves all fit. Sure enough, memories of my past had kept me awake.

I turn and look back, seeing Marina kneeling beside the fire, trying to get it going enough to keep Eight warm as he was clearly cold. Then, she paused, gently stroking his hair as she was lost in thought. I turn away, accidentally brushing several stones along the ground. It's not enough to wake anyone, but Marina hears and is startled out of her thoughts. After a moment, she sits beside me.

"You couldn't sleep either?" She asks.

"I suspect it's for a different reason," I mumble, still partially lost in thought. "How are you doing?"

"What do you mean?" Marina asks.

"In the past few days, your entire life was flipped on end, and you lost both Héctor Ricardo and Adelina," I say.

She opens her mouth to speak but no words come out. After a moment, her shoulders shudder for a moment and I pull her against myself, allowing her to cry on my shoulder. Her arms snake around my waist as she quietly cries against me. Finally, she pulls back, wiping her eyes.

"How...how did Adelina..."

"I tried to kill the Piken with my explosive ammo, I really did," I say, guilt filling me at the memory. "But, the ammo wasn't doing enough. I say you fall, and then the Piken almost followed. But then, you screamed. I just...it all happened so fast. One minute the Piken was roaring down at you, the next Adelina was tackling it over the edge in order to keep it from getting at you. I'm sorry. I should have stopped her. I should have killed the thing while I had the chance. I should have done something."

"There's nothing you could have done," Marina says, resting a hand on my arm. "You tried to kill it right? So then, it's not your fault that she died. She sacrificed herself. There's no reason for you to feel guilty."

I stare at the ground for a moment before smiling, in spite of myself.

"You're so strong," I mumble.

"No, I'm not," Marina says. "I'm no where near strong compare to Six, or Eight."

"That's not what I meant," I say. "But you're strong that way too."

"I'm not," Marina says.

"Marina, you can throw things with your mind," I snort. "You can breathe underwater and you can heal people. I'd be dead a dozen times over without you. Hawkeye and Rookie too. I wish I could do half the things you can. I wish I could protect...anyway. what I was actually talking about is the fact that you've lost nearly everything you've known in a matter of days, and yet whatever happens you keep fighting. You give everything you do one hundred percent and you always still have the energy and strength to take the time to make sure those around you are alright.

"I was trained to be a hardened killing machine, capable of doing whatever it takes to protect those around me, and to fight wars without breaking or being defeated. But...in the end, I'm still weak. I can shoot a playing card from a thousand meters with a carbine, and I can hit a quarter from half a mile with a sniper rifle, but when it comes to things like stress, or loss, or...I'm hopeless. I fall apart at the slightest mention of things I don't want to talk about. At the ghost of a memory of what I've lost, I lose the will to fight. Almost the will to live."

"Talk to me," she urges. "Maybe you need to stop bottling up your emotions. Maybe, you just need to talk about it."

"That's the thing, I have," I say. "I took counselling for months. It didn't help."

"Then talk to me," Marina says. "As someone who's lost people I love, talk to me. Let me help."

I stare down at the water below for a long while. Maybe she's right and I should try talking again. Or, maybe I'm making a huge mistake by making myself so vulnerable, especially after last time.

"Alright," I finally nod. "Two years ago...I met a girl. She was everything to me. Within a week of knowing her, I didn't care about anything but her happiness. I'd have traded anything for her. But, one night, I came home from training and...the front door was off its hinges. I could hear her screaming, so I ran inside. I found her in the bedroom, surrounded by three guys." I feel my eyes start to burn. I try to hold it off, but I know it's inevitable. "I tried to fight them, I tried to save her. I managed to knock out two of them. But the third guy, he had a gun he tried to shoot me but, she shielded me, and was hit in the stomach." Tears start to fall, unbidden. "He wasn't finished, of course. He stood over her, had the gun aimed right at her. She begged me to save her. She was so sacred. But...I froze up. I was so afraid to lose her that...I just let her be shot again."

Marina covers her mouth, understanding what happened, at least, in part. By now I've given up on fighting my tears. I'm able to keep my voice down, but I can't stop myself crying.

"The shot tore her left lung and caused Hemopneumothorax," I say. "Blood and air were building up in her chest, constricting her lungs and suffocating her. I...I packed the wound, I gave her a needle decompression...I tried everything. But...I couldn't save her. The shooter, he just walked away, killed five more people before they caught him. If I had been stronger, if I could have protected her, or if I hadn't frozen, I could have saved them all."

Marina's arms wrap around me, and mine around her. She was right. It feels a little better to talk about it, but I'm not done my story yet.

"About six months later, I managed to move on," I continue, forcing myself to calm down enough to talk.

"You don't have to keep going if you don't want to," Marina says. "I don't want you to feel like I'm forcing you."

I smile, shaking my head.

"It's alright," I smile. "It helps a little. Anyway, I moved on. A girl named Krystal. She was a lot like Megan, maybe enough that it should have been frightening. But...I couldn't help it. I fell for her like I did Megan. But...one day, we were in a car accident. We flipped on the interstate. It was bad. The paramedics said it was a miracle I made it out with only a severe concussion and a broken arm. But...Krystal...Krystal was ejected from the vehicle. Then the vehicle caught up to her. When we were found, they could only find about three fourths of her. The rest had been crushed into past by the car."

I see Marina fight down a gag at the thought and I swallow hard, refraining from telling her about Krystal's face being removed, or holding her degloved hand trying to beg her corpse not to die.

"A few months later, I fall in love again," I continue. "Apparently I'm not very bright. This time, she can tell there's something off about me. She keeps pressuring me and prying until I tell her what happened to the others." I see Marina is waiting for me to retell a story of some gruesome death. "The next time I came home, she was gone. She left a note saying that she didn't want to be a part of my curse. That she had no intention of dying some horrible death for being with me. But...the next day it annou ced on the news that the plane she had been on had crashed."

Marina's jaw fell open. I stared up at the stars again.

"Maybe she was right," I say quietly, as much to myself as her. "Maybe I am cursed. So far everyone I've fallen in love with has died. I...I couldn't take it again. So I locked my heart away. I devoted every second I had to getting stronger, being able to protect the people that matter to me. I had thought, that maybe by doing so I could also rid myself of attachments. But it looks like I'm making my mistakes all over again. Letting people get too close to me. It already cost me a friend, back when the helicopter crashed. Then it cost you Héctor and Adelina."

"You're not cursed," Marina says sternly. "And you didn't cause anyone's death. People die. That's a part of nature. The Mogadorians killed Héctor and Adelina. The shooter killed Megan, and Krystal and that other girl died in accidents. So did your friend. You're not to blame. And you are strong."

"Marina, every battle we've been in, you've had to save my life. Maybe it would be better for everyone if..."

"No!" Marina snaps. "You're not dying as long as I can save you. I won't let you commit suicide."

I stare at her for a moment before an image of the way she had looked at Eight when we first met him, and then just a minute ago when she thought no one was awake, flashed through my head, and my eyes fall to the ground.

"I can't be happy," I finally mumble. "That's my curse, my cross to bare. No matter what I do, my happiness ends in someone being hurt, usually worse."

Marina sighs and pulls me into a hug. I don't resist, but I don't hug her back either. After a few minutes, she pulls back as the others begin to stir. I wince from guilt. I had successfully robbed her of sleep.

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