JANE

You heard his voice but you couldn't find him.

You tried to move but everything was just so heavy.

You don't remember anything except him telling you it would all be ok. And you believed him, but the fact you felt so weak was scaring you. Why couldn't you just open your eyes and see him?

"Jane, if you can hear me please squeeze my hand."

His voice sounded so desperate. Focusing as much as you can, you see if you can wiggle your fingers.

"Jane? Darling, do that again."

It must have worked, you give your fingers another wiggle and you feel him grip your hand tighter.

"Oh Jane! It's me and I'm right here. Can you open your eyes for me, love?"

You try but all you get is a flutter. You hear a beep and then another voice, a woman.

"Nurse, she is squeezing my hand when I ask and she is trying to open her eyes!"

You hear footsteps walk around and then a smaller hand grip your other hand carefully.

"Jane, my name is Lara and I'm your nurse, can you please give my hand a little squeeze?"

You do as she asks, it is easier now. You try to open your eyes again, but still can't quite open them.

"I'll be right back with the doctor." And you hear her footsteps leave the room.

"Jane my love, I'm right here. Just keep trying to open those beautiful eyes of yours. I miss them so.."

Miss them? How long have they been closed?

Finally. You see light. You don't see him though. You go to turn your head, but there is a large mask and tubes making it difficult.

"There she is." And then he moves into your line of vision. He looked terrible. Hair and clothes somewhat disheveled, lack of sleep evident in his now teary eyes, stubble running across his chin.

You try to talk but nothing comes out.

"Ssshhh no no don't try and speak, darling."

He leans forward to kiss your forehead.

What happened? So many tubes and wires, and what was this large mask over your face?

You're becoming more aware of things. The deep ache throughout your body, especially your chest, the dull headache, how exhausted you felt, and now the realization that this mask wasn't just feeding you oxygen, it was forcing air into your lungs.

You try not to panic, and Tom sees this.

"Jane, everything is going to be ok. I promise you. You've had a rough couple of days, but you are back now. Dr. S will be here shortly to explain everything. I'm right here." He gives a squeeze to your hand and you look into those blue eyes, getting lost in them. It calms you down.

Sure enough, Dr. S comes around the corner and goes to stand beside Tom, a smile on his face, but concern in his eyes.

"Well it's good to see you awake, Jane. I'm gonna take a listen, so deep breaths for me." He places his stethoscope on your chest and you take as big of breaths as you can manage. They are shallow and raspy. He nods his head and then looks at all the monitors surrounding you.

"You seem to be moving air better, and your overall airways sound clearer. We will wean you off the bipap today and see how you do on the cannula again." Bipap, that's what is covering your face, you think as he continues.

"You caught a rather aggressive virus that moved to your lungs quite rapidly. You are on quite the cocktail of antibiotics. The strongest we have. They seem to be doing the trick, I wasn't expecting you to be up for another day or two. If all goes well with the nasal cannula, we will be able to move you out of ICU and then begin the process to get you onto that transplant list."

You try to nod, but between the bipap and the fact you were exhausted again, it was a failed attempt.

You didn't notice the nurse leave and return with your usual oxygen tubing.

Tom moved over to the other side of the bed so he was out of the way and gripped your hand again.

Once the tubing is all set up, the nurse turns off the bipap and unstraps the mask from your face, and returning to position the nasal cannula.

You take deep and slow breaths, a cough rattling through you. Your chest ached, and you still felt a little short of breath, but wanted to keep giving this a try.

"How does that feel, Jane?" Dr. S asked, watching your oxygen levels on the monitor beside your bed.

"Still a little short of breath."

He nods and the nurse comes over and removes the nasal cannula, placing a standard oxygen mask in it's place and adjusting the liters.

You take several breaths and relief runs through you. Your chest still ached, but you felt as though you could catch your breath.

"Better" you mumble beneath the mask.

Tom's eyes only leave yours when Dr. S speaks.

"We will wean you slower. See how you do with this and let you rest more before trying the cannula again. You are on 8 liters right now, and I can't go up anymore after that... so if you start to struggle again we will have to go back to the bipap."

You nod, eyes drooping again as exhaustion overcomes you.

"Get some rest. I will be back to check on you soon."

The last thing you're aware of is blankets being tucked around you tightly and a kiss to your forehead.

TOM

Once Jane is back to sleep you call Ben immediately.

"Tom? Everything ok?" A slight urgency in his tone.

"Yes everything is fine. She's woken up."

"What?! Oh that's wonderful! How is she doing? Should we come down?"

"She is off the bipap, but just barely. They tried to put her back on her nasal cannula but it wasn't enough so they put her on a regular oxygen mask and she is on 8 liters. We will try the cannula again after she's had more rest and time to adjust to being off the bipap. But 8 liters is as high as they can go, so if she struggles again she will have to be back on bipap. She is sleeping again now so there is no rush to come over, but I'm sure she would love a visit. If she manages to be put back on the cannula she can be moved out of ICU and then we can begin the process of getting her listed for new lungs."

There were a few moments before Ben spoke again.

"I'm just so happy she's up. She'll get out of ICU, baby steps. Sophie and I will be there in a bit. Is there anything I can bring either of you?"

"No I don't think so. I will ring if I think of something though. I'll see you soon."

You return to your place by Jane's bed, taking her little hand in yours. Watching her chest rise and fall at her own pace, not a machines.

She was still pale, thin, a thin sheen of sweat covered her forehead, her face indicated she was still in pain, but she was back.

You got to speak with her after 4 days of just watching her little body fight, she opened her eyes. Eyes you thought you might not get to see again.

When Dr. S came back you would discuss her pain control and exactly what needs to be done to get her on that list as soon as possible.

This virus had put things into perspective of just how fragile Jane was. She was running out of time.