I do not own PPG nor it's characters. Also. You will be seeing a little bit more of Brick's family.

.

Chapter 3: A reason to change

.

xxx

Entry #38

I did it again. I tried so hard to restrain, but I couldn't resist any longer.. It was the strangest thing. I was doing fine, feeling normal, anxiety was present but at bay, then the girls and I were saving the day (as usual). The Rowdy Ruff Boys were causing all sorts of trouble at the Mayor's office, and once we got everything under control, something in me...Snapped. That's the only way to put it. I suddenly couldn't wait to get home and.. Well. After a short chat with the Mayor about tightening security, I flew to my apartment and immediately stripped to nothing. I don't know what came over me, but I was under my sheets in record time and playing with myself while thinking of.. Things I shouldn't be. After I finished, I felt so.. Calm. As if my anxiety just went out the door. And yet at the same time I felt guilty.. As if I was some how being dishonest with not only Dexter, but myself. Maybe I can try to go further with Dex soon. Who knows, maybe I'll even like it.

xxx

"For fuck sake.."

Brick had spent the past 2 nights going back through and reading Blossom's entries in order. So far, what he had learned about her, was that she truly did not understand the concept of being herself (her true self) in front of others and that she and the dip shit were still together. Somehow, Dexter had managed to gain Bloss's favor again through what Brick could only assume she saw as a "romantic" gesture. He managed to pull off the whole flowers, candy, favorite novel, and groveling. Sigh.. Brick was also positive that Dex only did such things because he knew he could only bag one hot babe in his life, and Blossom just happened to be as smart as she was naive. While he did find her lack of enthusiasm about her love life amusing, he still didn't like reading about her so called dates with the little fuck wad.

Brick was finally seeing progress, however. It was rather obvious to him, but Blossom couldn't seem to grasp what exactly was the source of her anxiety. Hilariously, everything pointed to sexual frustration. In the entries prior to this one and after entry #27, she seemed to go from content to "get-out-of-my-face" in an instant. Brick had noted that all entries prior to #27, Blossom seemed to be more narrow minded and.. Boring. As though she could only stick with her mundane routine, and any unexpected event was described with annoying disturbance. She liked her bland lifestyle just as it was, even with her anxiety (which he was still convinced has always been sexual frustration).

This last entry made Brick all kinds of pissed off. How could she even consider messing around with a dweeb like Dexter? He was so.. Blossom. If she had been made as a male, she would definitely be him. Except probably more elitist and a little less polite. Wasn't it boring dating someone so closely resembling yourself? He thought about it for a second and decided that yes. In fact it WAS. Brick just had an epiphany: The realization that he'd been doing just that the moment he hit puberty. Going out with the "bad girls" and "cool chicks". At first, it was satisfying being with someone who understood his need to be a shit person but now.. Now it was boring and more tedious than anything else. He never realized that he was just as boring as he always claimed Blossom to be. Never venturing outside his world of recklessness. Maybe they were more a like than either of them would care to admit.

Brick mulled over his thoughts a bit longer as he turned to the next page. He was positive that once he finished reading all the entries, he would have a cork board full of things he decided to put a pin on for later.

xxx

Entry #39

It's been a few days, but I finally have something to write about.

Today seemed to be a day full of surprises. Dexter was really doing his best to secure his position as my boyfriend, and I have to admit, it felt good to be fawned over. It's not that I'd never had someone vie for my attention, but usually when I brushed them off, they would immediately find someone else to bother. Fickle boys, that they were. So having someone trying their best to impress me AFTER already having the title makes me rather happy.. But slightly unsure. He never tried this hard before, and it stands to reason that I have some doubts about how genuine it really is. Ever since I confronted him about his conversation with Billy, he has been nothing short of the perfect boyfriend. I meant what I said about trying to go further, but for some reason, now when he gets close to me I feel the most interesting urge to push him away.. Am I still upset over his comments? I don't feel that am I, as a matter of fact, I'm almost glad he made them. I feel that his comments forced onto me emotions other than contentment, and made this "diary" one of actual success! Who knew I could get mad at people other than criminals and Brick..

That's not to say Brick is not a criminal. Of course he is. But today, as I said, surprised me.. I saw an oddly different side to him. It was almost.. Diplomatic. I accidentally stumbled across what seemed to be a meeting between the RRB and the GGG. From what I could hear, they were discussing new boundaries and "turf" ruling. Apparently, the RRB were in charge of the higher tier criminal gangs, and dividing the city "fairly". How they came to that position, I may never know. But while Brick was going over some of the new turf rules, controlling lower gangs and common thugs, Ace decided to put his two cents on the matter.

Brick then proceeded to show Ace just exactly why he and his brothers held the position they did, and further explained to them what would happen if they broke their laws. The most surprising of these was that they banned a decent amount would be crimes from other criminals.. It's not as though Brick strikes me as a stalker or rapist or anything.. Actually, now thinking about it, I've just always known he wouldn't ever stoop so low.. but that he explicitly banned some of the more emotionally traumatizing crimes, made a rather.. Good impression? It's hard to say. He is still fine with thieves, drug dealers, and vandals, which is obviously still bad, but I suppose it's surprising that he takes such strong action towards perverts of all kinds. His punishments are far worse than those of the judicial system.. So I guess.. I'll just have to believe in his system to cut down on some of the more disgusting crimes. Who knew I would ever rely on a crook?

xxx

Brick coughed for a good minute before he got his breathing back in order. First of all. He was very glad that Blossom was starting to see through Dexter's attempts at seducing her. That little shit must have realized that without her, his V-card would never be used. That being said, Brick felt a compulsive need to have a chat with Dexter.. What he would say, he wasn't sure, but he'd probably let his fists do most of the talking..

Second of all. Brick felt oddly embarrassed, having being spied on by Blossom for such an affair. He remembered the exact meeting she wrote about. Ace thought it best to state that their rules were far too uptight and that if Ace had been in control, crime percentages would be twice as high as they were now. So what if there were a few child casualties.

Brick was many things, but a sex offender was not one of them. He was a professional fucking thief. He didn't kill people he didn't have to. He didn't even take hostages. And he sure as fuck didn't go raping people for shits and giggles. Especially after what happened to Boomer.. So. Needless to say, that having someone tell him how to do his job while talking about the sacrifice of others just for an overall crime rise of 12%, did not sit well with him. So Brick, along with the help of his brothers, proceeded to show Ace why the fuck they were boss, and why the Gang Green Gang could never match up to them. Cocky fucks.

Lastly. Brick felt a bit.. Satisfied, knowing that he managed to impress Bloss with his ruling. It was strange. 3 days ago, if you had asked him the same question, he would have felt annoyed, maybe even down right pissed, that not only did Blossom manage to spy on him, but that she liked what he was doing, even marginally. He really wanted to be mad, he did. He just couldn't muster up the anger. Somehow, "Research 183" was changing Brick, just as it had changed Blossom. Maybe even more so. He couldn't defy his DNA as a criminal, just as she couldn't change being a hero. But he was starting to see the potential in dabbling outside of his comfort zone. Maybe read a damn book and learn something. Sounded stupid to him, but.. MAYBE...

Brick looked up as he heard a knock on his bedroom door. Must have been one of his brothers. No one else would bother him at...2 in the morning. "Come in."

Boomer cracked open the door, peeping his blonde head inside. Boomer was 6'1" and built with a runners body. He kept his hair at a fist-able length, but tried not to let it grow past mid-neck. He was wearing a blue T-shirt and black basketball shorts. He pushed the door open slightly further. "Hey Brick.. I haven't seen you for the past couple days.. I was just wondering what was up. Are you planning a new heist? Or are you just.. Stressed out or something?" Boomer shuffled inside, quite uncomfortably and turned his baby blues on Brick.

Sigh.. Brick set the notebook face down and faced his brother completely. Even with all the years of corruption, Boomer was always more on the sensitive side. "Nah Boom. I'm not being productive in any way. Nor am I stressed. If anything, I'm just frustrated. Sexually, before you ask, because no. You can't help. Did you need to talk to me about something?"

He felt, rather then saw, when Boomer became stiff. Always a sign that he had something to say, but was unsure how to approach him. As Boomer began to look down at his feet, Brick stood up and picked up his chin, forcing him to look Brick's way. "Hey. What's going on? You know I'll help you. What is it?"

Boomer finally met Brick's eyes, then began to back away out of his grasp, Brick letting him.

"It's.. Just that.. I was just worried.. About you. You've been more and more irritable lately, and then, out of no where, you're in a better mood than you've been in months. I guess.. Are you using..? Again? I thought you quit-"

Brick laughed and pulled Boomer into a head lock. "No, you little shit. But thank you for the concern. I promised you, I would get better. And look." He released him. "I'm feeling a lot of things right now, but I swear, I haven't nor will I ever do that again. You were right before. Just because we can handle the poison better, doesn't mean we should. And honestly. I haven't even thought about that for months. My irritability, along with my now lack there of, are all due to one little complication. But it's nothing for you to worry about. Okay? I won't put you through that again." Brick looked Boomer in the eyes. "Believe in me?"

Boomer finally smiled at Brick, reaching for him. Brick immediately pulled him back into his arms. "Yeah.. I believe in you.. You should tell Butch as well. We've both been.. Meaning to ask." As Boomer adjusted his head against Brick's chest, Brick yelled, "Butch! Get your bitch ass in here!"

Butch flew into the room, stopping short as he took in the sight before him. Brick waved him inside the room and Butch slowly went forward, stopping next to Brick's other side. Boomer was still clinging to Brick as he turned to the strongest of them all.

Butch stood half an inch taller than Brick's 6'3" height, his newly cut hair sporting cropped sides with a slightly longer top, just enough to run his fingers through. He had forest green eyes that could capture your attention from across a room and had muscles that made even the largest of men wary. He wore just his boxer, seemingly just woken up and disoriented by the yelling.

Brick gave him a piercing look with his ruby eyes that he knew would tell Butch the seriousness of what he had to say. "I'm not." Was all he said. Waiting for a response, Brick used his other arm to pull Butch to his other side. "I swear my head is straight. I'm just having girl trouble." Butch chuckled as he accepted the one armed hug. "I really am. It's nothing for you two to worry about. I know where I am and what I want. I'm not feeling power hungry. And I won't ever put you guys at risk again." He turned his face to look directly into Butch's eyes. "Believe in me?"

Butch sighed and nodded. "Yeah.. Yeah." Brick nodded once in confirmation and let the both of them go.

"Now I know this will sound strange, but I may be a bit AWOL for the next few days. Again, nothing to worry about. I'll straighten myself out. I might be making new plans for our future, so be prepared for a change. Boomer, you will probably be happier with this potential plan. Butch.. You'll be pissed at me. But you'll get over it. We are in this together, no matter what happens, right?" Brick looked at both of them, new determination shining in his eyes.

They both looked at each other then turned back to Brick and slowly nodded. Brick smiled again, feeling a knot of relief unravel in his stomach. He hadn't realized how badly he needed the reaffirmation, but he felt himself release a breathe he didn't even know he was holding. Just the thought of losing his brothers made Brick feel sick. All they've had their entire lives were each other. He could never replace them, nor would he want to. His brothers were his life, and he would die just to see them happy.

Butch was the first to leave, saying he was tired and needed to catch some "z's". Boomer lingered around, waiting for Butch to be out of hearing distance. He poked is head out the door, then came back in the room and shut it. "Are you really having girl trouble..?"

Brick sighed and nodded. "Yes Boom. I know it's hard to believe that someone as hot and amazing as I am would have trouble, but this is different. I'm not even sure quite yet what I want out of this one." Boomer turned his head to the side in contemplation.

"So.. You aren't going to..?" Boomer's face turned red as he looked back down to his feet.

"Not sure whether I want to fuck her or kill her. On the fence about this." Boomer looked up to see that Brick was completely serious.

"But I thought..! Aren't we supposed to.. Keep murderers off our streets? Does this mean Butch can start to go crazy again..? What about me..? What am I-" Brick cut Boomer off with a glare.

"No. I meant it metaphorically. Although, in the long run it would probably help us all out. But you know I won't let you guys get out of hand, not anymore." Brick pulled out a cigarette and lighter from his pocket. "But just so we're clear. I have no intentions of introducing her to you guys." He lit the cigarette and took a drag, noticing the hurt in Boomer's eyes. "Don't go filling your head with dumb fucking ideas like I'm embarrassed of you guys. If anything it's her that I'm embarrassed about. It would also just complicate.. Everything. I'm trying to get a handle on things but mixing business with pleasure is never a good idea. Besides. You know in the end, it won't fucking matter. It never lasts. Like I told you before." Brick took another drag then snuffed out the barely used cigarette on his arm. "We aren't meant for love. The only people in the world who could love us are each other. No one else would. And I am perfectly fucking fine with that. As long as I have you two.." Brick walked back over to Boomer and gave him a quick, tight, hug. "Now get some fucking sleep. I have to blow a load before I go crazy." Brick pushed Boomer towards the door. "Damn hormones."

.

.

So apparently, after this morning, I got super inspired and now have all through chapter 6 completed.. Sooooo updates will be pretty quick. EH HEH HEH. All I needed was some motivation. :D And, some time away from the story to make changes. Of which, you won't know about, cause you didn't see the original. ANY WHO.

I finally have a pretty concrete IDEA for this. It's probably going to be at least 10 chapters.

Reviews are nice!

Thanks!