Remember when I was all like, "January is a relief month! I'll update all the time! Blah blah blah!"

Whoops?

So January actually ended up being busy. Like, really busy. I went to visit one of my moms. No, I don't have two lesbian moms. I'm just adopted. And long story short, I found my birth mom and all my little birth sibbos.

So I didn't update until now. But good news? This is the chapter where they meet! There's a lot of fire and anger and you want them to make out like a lot. This scene was a bitch to write. Mostly because I like to write in snapshots - short bits and pieces of conversations and moments in time so that the reader can fill in some of the fantasy themselves.

Also I have not watched the new season at all yet. Why? I'm like nervous or something!

I'm glad it's done. Okie dokie, comment away please. I am POSITIVE there are some bad mistakes in this one - let me know!

Hope you like it

LOVE love LOVE

Dia

When she was little, Lexa's mother used to tease her endlessly, telling her that she had come out of the womb feet first and frowning, already cautious and calculated before she was even fully into this world. She had been a serious toddler, quiet and still enough to worry both her parents until they realized that Lexa did everything in her own time and perfectly, or not at all. She had gone from crawling to a confident stride on chubby legs in one day, not allowing herself the time to fall and learn as the other children did. When she finally began to speak, it was in full sentences, eyes clear and the edges of her lips tugging down. She made her own way confidently and purposefully even as a child, and she carried those traits with her throughout the rest of her twenty two years.

That was not to say that Lexa didn't make quick decisions. She did, and often, but only when she felt she already had all the answers. She was a raw mix of instinct and tactic, but there was always a pause; a split second before she acted or opened her mouth during which she stuffed all emotion into the pit of her stomach. It was one of the things that made her a good leader, the balance between planning ahead and thinking on her feet, but she had only known of Clarke's presence in Polis for a little over two hours and that was more than enough time to trip her up. With Clarke, she never had the answers, and she had no idea what she was going to do when she had eventually found herself standing in front of the door leading to her.

When Clarke swung the heavy door open, all angry blue eyes and braided blonde hair, Lexa's breath hitched slightly without her permission, and she felt, for a moment, that the floor was slowly tilting underneath her. Breathing in though her nose, all Lexa could smell was Clarke, sweet and sweat and attitude all rolled into one, and Lexa had the urge to either bury her nose in the girl's neck or cover it with her hand to keep it out, to keep her out. It was at that moment that she realized that she had once again leapt without thinking, without any strategy, because of the Skai Prisa. She had stormed her way over here to keep Clarke from leaving without guards when Jos had told her of their fight and Clarke's very real threat of departure. This was why Clarke was so dangerous; because she made Lexa feel unpredictable and uncontrolled, and she didn't like it.

Lexa felt fear mix with the anger, sharp and burning, that was twisting in her gut, and she threw the full force of her emotions into her gaze as she glared at the healer. Squaring her shoulders before taking a few steps towards the blonde, she noted with grim satisfaction that Clarke backed away slightly as she moved, her spine arched and eyes darting like a cat that had been cornered. Clarke managed to look more angry than scared, and Lexa blinked, amazed at how just a few seconds with the girl could cloud her thoughts so completely.

Thankfully, Jos's senses weren't as dulled as Lexa's were by Clarke's sudden appearance back in her world, so when Clarke suddenly lunged at her, claws extended, he caught her easily and swung her away from the Commander. Lexa watched, trying to tuck the surprise she knew was written all over her face away, as Clarke struggled and kicked to get away from Jos. Clarke was strong, but she was no match from her large Floukru captor, and he didn't budge.

"Let go of me!" Clarke snarled at Jos, still attempting to push him away from her. Lexa noticed as a small flash of hurt crossed Jos's face, and he backed away, although he still angled his body in a way that would allow him to catch Clarke if she made another sprawling attempt at Lexa. Clarke was breathing like a wounded animal, her face wild and her eyes flashing, and she put as much distance between herself and the two Grounders in front of her as she could, almost pressing her back against one of the walls in the room. After a few moments of silence, Lexa crossed her arms over her chest.

"You are leaving." She stated simply, her voice calm and steady.

"Let me guess." Clarke hissed sarcastically, sounding very much like a dry laugh was caught in the back of her throat. "Did Jos tell you that? I guess it's pretty much his JOB to tell you everything about me, right?" She threw a dirty and hysterical look in Jos's direction, and he took it much like a slap to the face.

Lexa felt her calm and collected facade begin to slip a bit at the girl's words, and she gritted her teeth, shifting uneasily. When Jos had first come to her earlier that day, she had been absolutely terrified to see him, although she would have never let it show. She had assigned scouts to tail Clarke after her betrayal at Mount Weather, wondering if she would be angry enough to retaliate in some way. When they had reported back to Lexa that Clarke had left the safety of the Ark, she had ignored the protective itch that settled in her chest. She tried to forget the other leader and the emotions she drew out of her, and she was mildly successful until the scouts started to tell her about Clarke's near death condition. Lexa had panicked, sending a messenger to Jos, who she trusted and was near to Clarke's location, asking him to find her. She had known he would not ask questions, and when he reported back that he had found Clarke and taken her back to Riva, Lexa had told herself that the relief she had felt had been entirely due to her guilty conscience over betraying the Skaikru's Heda.

Over the next few weeks, as Jos constantly updated her on Clarke's condition, she became obsessed with knowing how the girl was doing. The relief she had felt had solidified itself into a lump that sat in her stomach and drove memories of Clarke into Lexa's head while she was going over battle plans or lying wide awake and alone at night. Her frustration grew, and she realized that Clarke was a distraction, even when she wasn't there, and she knew that she was travelling down a dangerous path. She eventually sent another messenger to Jos, cutting off all contact involving Clarke unless she was in serious danger or dying. Lexa had hoped that the space and time to sort out her head would help to chase the thoughts of Clarke away again; that not knowing would lead to not caring. When Jos had appeared before her in person, she had at first believed that he was there to tell her that something had happened to Clarke, and in that moment as her chest began to squeeze painfully, Lexa realized that her self imposed Clarke embargo had changed nothing. It had taken all of her strength to keep her worry from leaking though the cracks the Skai Prisa had riddled her with, but she had not been able to stop the flood of assuagement from coursing through her body when she realized that Clarke was not only alive, but safely tucked within the walls of Polis.

Lexa knew that Clarke was angry because she thought Lexa had been spying on her through Jos, and she briefly thought about telling her the truth. At the moment, the furious girl was glaring at her defiantly from across the room with her chin held high, and she knew that if she didn't tell her, Jos would end up with the full brunt of the blonde's wrath. Setting her lips in a firm line, Lexa pushed those thoughts aside. It was not her job to care about either of these people's feelings. She had to do, as always, what was best for her people, and that was keeping her head clear and Clarke-free. This was obviously much easier said then done, and Lexa jutted her chin out as she debated internally. She did not want Clarke here. She did not want to know that she was in this city, that she was close enough to touch or speak too, but now that she was here, she wasn't sure if it was a good idea to let her go either. She couldn't protect her if Clarke left without anyone to keep her alive, and she would be a prime target for the Ice Queen once word got out that she was still alive, which meant she could not go back to Riva. She knew that Clarke's death by the Ice Queen's hands would be two deaths too far, and that her people would suffer because of her pain and a need for revenge.

"You can't force me to stay." Clarke growled, jolting Lexa from her reverie, eyes darting towards her packed bags as if she was trying to figure out whether she could reach them in time to make a run for it. Ignoring her, Lexa turned to Jos. She had to choose the next words that she spoke to Clarke very carefully, and she could see that Jos was far too emotionally involved in this situation to be of any help.

"Bants osir."

When she saw the argument written on his face, she locked gazes with him, a silent warning not to disobey her orders flowing between them. Since Jos had known her before the Heda's spirit had chosen her, he sometimes seemed to forget she wasn't his bratty little cousin any longer. Finally, the bearded Grounder turned on his heels and exited the room, though she knew she would hear about it later. Steeling herself before doing so, Lexa turned around to face the girl who had so easily become her constant downfall.

"I will not force you to stay here." She said, watching as confusion flickered across Clarke's hardened features at her words. "In fact, I would prefer it if you were to leave. You make brash decisions that put lives in jeopardy."

"I put lives in danger, Lexa?" Clarke hissed, throwing her hands up as if she was being absolutely ridiculous. "Talk about the pot calling the fucking kettle black!"

Frowning, Lexa shook her head slightly.

"I do not know what that means, but I didn't come here to argue. I came here so that you wouldn't do anything as stupid as leaving this place alone without guards. I do not wish to anger the Sky People again, Clarke, and they will not be happy if you get killed walking out of my city." At these words, Clarke's expression again turned murderous.

"Since when have you cared about the feelings or lives of my people, Heda." Clarke sneered, the anger in her eyes seeming to reach out in flames to burn through Lexa.

At that moment, Lexa felt something inside her snap, and before she knew what was happening, Clarke was pressed firmly against the wall behind her and Lexa's own face was only inches from hers. Grabbing Clarke's lower arm forcefully, she held on tightly as Clarke defiantly tired to jerk out her grasp.

"You will NOT speak to me this way." Lexa growled. Gesturing with her eyes to the Floukru patch on her jacket, she used her other hand to grip Clarke's chin forcefully.

"That jacket means that you have come to this city as a representative of the Floukru people, Clarke. MY people. Your life and your fight are sworn to me now, and I have executed others for saying far less impertinent things. Do not forget that I killed Gustus."

"Oh perfect, Lexa, threaten my life. At least I can say you have a pattern." Clarke said, her own eyes locked on Lexa's as she spat poison. "Why is it that no one who cares for you seems to survive the experience."

Lexa once again felt the floor tilting slightly underneath her, but this time it was because she was suddenly so angry that she could barely stand.

"You know nothing about me, Prisa." She said in a forced and harsh whisper. "You have no idea what kind of life I have led, what kind of sacrifices I have to make. Do not think that a few weeks in my presence and one short kiss means that you understand me." Dropping the girls arm and chin, Lexa slammed her palms on either side of her on the wall, barely noticing that Clarke had stopped moving and was deadly still.

"You have the luxury of being able to afford things like love and family. I do not. You might think me a monster, and maybe I am. But I do know this. We both have done unspeakable things to keep our people alive. I will always have to choose the many over the few, and this means that people I care for get hurt. I make that sacrifice so that others won't have to. I do not care if you hate me. That's not my problem. My problem is keeping my people alive, and you now qualify. There is no difference between my people and yours, and you will respect me as your Heda"

Pushing off the wall, Lexa backed away from Clarke as she tried to steady her breathing and reign back in her anger.

"I am not asking you to take guards with you if you leave. I am ordering you to. If you refuse, you will be detained here in Polis to work as a healer. Those are your choices. If you run, you will not be welcome back in Riva. I will not have your selfishness ruin what little peace we have."

By the time Lexa was done speaking, she could see that behind the anger and hatred in the girl's expression was terror and self loathing, and almost immediately, it was as if all the fight had left her. She had created this person. She had been the cause of the violent emotions that Clarke was always feeling, and suddenly she could not stand to be in her presence any longer. Clarke was right about one thing; she was dangerous to anyone she cared about. Turning and stalking towards the door, she hesitated for only a moment before turning back around to face Clarke again.

"I will not apologize for my betrayal. I stand by my decision."

This time, when Clarke looked up at her, Lexa took a step back at the raw honesty shining from her eyes.

"I do not hate you because of what you did on Mount Weather. I hate you because of what you did before you betrayed me."

Lexa blinked rapidly, digesting this information before crossing her arms over her chest and falling back into Heda mode.

"Before you make a decision about what you are going to do, Clarke, there is someone here in Polis that you might want to speak to."

Clarke's guard was back up, and she rolled her eyes before responding.

"And who would that be, Commander?"

Smiling thinly, Lexa uttered the last two words that Clarke was expecting to hear.

"Your mother."

There it is! What a bitch of a chapter. Ok. Please comment or follow or whatever so that I know whats going right and what's going wrong.

Dia