Hey you guys,
The hiatus is still on, but the support I received through both reviews and PMs was so overwhelmingly wonderful that I wrote and edited this as quickly as possible to publish and give to you all as a thank you gift.
I'm guessing that it might be a tad bit rough in a few spots, but I just wanted to try and show my thanks for your understanding and support while also letting you guys know that I AM dedicated to this story and I won't ditch it just because of a setback.
I'm leaving the notice up as chapter 30 until I finish the next three chapters, but after that I'll probably take it down.
Besides, this seems like a pretty good place to stop and take a break. Enjoy, and thanks again for being so loyal and incredibly understanding. I appreciate every single one of you.
With love,
Majix
Filtered rays of sunlight streamed through the partially drawn drapes, bathing Ciel's blankets in the faintly warm glow of morning light.
A groggy sense of self lingered heavily within the Earl's awakening conscious, and it took several moments for the blue haired teen to focus. It was not often that the blue haired teen awoke on his own. Most days he had lessons or business to attend to, and even if he didn't, Sebastian tended to wake him with breakfast, regardless of his complaints.
Sebastian
Memories rushed to the front of the teen's thoughts as the butler's name crossed his thoughts and Ciel shot up in his bed, eyes wide and startled. Dull remnants of pain echoed through the teen's body, and he let out a soft groan as he stretched, trying to remember the full extent of their coupling.
He remembered being honest, asking Sebastian to kiss him. He remembered the heat of embrace and the merciless passion that'd consumed them both without thought or restraint. Even without looking in the mirror, Ciel knew of the bruises he would find there, the dark marks where Sebastian had gripped him tight.
The startled teen expected to feel embarrassed, mortified at his behavior towards Sebastian, but he didn't. Oddly enough, Ciel felt content in his choice. The warmth he'd experienced the previous night no longer lingered just beneath his flesh, but he could feel the ghost of it against his conscious, the faintest reminder of how he'd felt, how Sebastian moved and guided his body. He recalled the butler's loss of control, the way his movements lost their hesitancy, and he became something less than human, even if just for the briefest moment.
In a moment of ironic thought, Ciel found himself more disappointed in the demons absence than his own choices, regardless of how poor they could prove to be. If he was honest, Ciel wasn't surprised that Sebastian had taken his leave. He was a demon after all, there was no need for him to sleep, and the Earl doubted that the immortal would be willing to linger around, gathering sentiment for his upcoming meal.
The dark thought made the blue haired male frown and he pushed it away with a pointless glare towards the far wall. Part of the teen was grateful that Sebastian gave him space, allowing him to sort his own thoughts. It was more than likely that the demon was unsure as to how he would react. Though Ciel didn't think on it often, he admitted to himself that he could be a bit of a loose cannon. There was no guarantee as to how he would react in any given situation behind closed doors.
Most times he chose to portray a cold mask of impeccable indifference, but that was not always the case.
Despite his emotional control, the teen managed to have meltdowns now and then, just like any other human being. He was, after all, only human, no matter how much he denied it. Even to himself.
It was a moot point to try and work out Sebastian's reasoning, Ciel was positive of that, but it was a distraction.
He knew that it would be impossible to ignore what'd happened between them as he had before. Previously, Ciel really hadn't remembered. The hazy memories of his intoxication had come to him in time, leaving Sebastian as the only clear headed one, but this was different.
He'd begged for a kiss, responded to the man's attention, and in the end, Ciel gave his body to a demon. Not just a demon though. He gave his body to Sebastian. His protector, his knight, and ultimately, his eventual death. Irony at its finest.
Ciel laid back in the sheets and sighed, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. Frustration filled him with a dull sense of upcoming anxiety. There was no hiding from Sebastian and though Ciel had no doubt as to the man's loyalty or the question of his silence, it didn't making his thought process any easier.
The fact of the matter was, that Ciel was in love with Sebastian. The blue haired teen had given the demon everything, Even if the elder being didn't know about it yet. His soul, his heart, and now his body. It was not that the Earl was ashamed of such a choice, because he wasn't, but in all reality, he wasn't sure how to act.
Was he expected to acknowledge what'd happened? Would Sebastian even want him to? Would it happen again, or was it just a spur of the moment burst of unconstrained passion?
Ciel groaned as the steady circle of his thoughts began to quickly grow into a hurricane of questions. This wasn't his area. Relationships, complex social situations of a romantic nature. Ciel could deal with thieves, murders, drug lords and even death gods, but the thought of facing Sebastian after the night they spent together made the teen want to bury himself within the blankets and refuse to come out like a spoiled child.
Like himself, there was no telling how Sebastian would react either. Under the influence of intoxication, Ciel's kiss had gone unpunished. Sebastian hadn't sought to tease or belittle him about it. The butler made no indication that such a thing had even occurred, and Ciel was more than confident in his assumption that if he hadn't remembered it on his own, Sebastian would have left such a secret to be forgotten.
But this was different.
Ciel looked down at the possessive marks of color that Sebastian left scattered across his pale flesh, a visual reminder of the night they'd spent together. The demon had made sure to leave them only along areas of the teen's skin that he could be easily covered. Ciel was more surprised that he'd left marks at all, but the more that he thought about it, the more his surprise ebbed.
Of course Sebastian would leave the teen reminders of what he'd done. Ciel assumed that it had less to do with himself and more to do with stroking the possessive pride that ruled the demon's actions. It'd taken quite a good amount of time for Ciel to recognize the ever present pride that lingered behind the butler's act. The immortal held such pride, but rather than being annoyed with the discovery. Ciel had basked in it.
Sebastian and Ciel had very little in common, but they both valued their honor and the value of their word. In some ways, the demon's pride made him human in the eyes of his contracted.
Wobbly legs slid to the edge of the bed, and the blue haired Earl whimpered softly as he stood, clutching the sheet to his naked form. Everything hurt. He'd felt the tension and the soreness when he'd first woken up, but this was a wholly different sensation. A steady, dull throb of pain settled just under his skin and the teen winced as he made his way to the mirror, inspecting the damage.
There were a couple bruises peppered across the skin of his neck, and for a moment, Ciel thought thought he'd miscalculated the number of love bites that Sebastian left upon his body, but as he dropped the sheet, a surprised gasp pulled from his lips.
"Young Master?"
Startled, Ciel whipped around to face the demon, his eyes widening in embarrassment as he realized to late that he had nothing to shield himself from the butler's hungry gaze. Glowing red eyes dragged themself up and down the length of the teen's body and Ciel couldn't help the shiver that ran down his spine as the immortal devoured him with his gaze.
Pride flared, and part of Ciel's conscious demanded that he scream at the ravenette, that he order Sebastian to forget what happened between them before throwing the demon from his quarters, but he couldn't. It was not often listened to, but the tiniest hint of Ciel's innocence remained, urging him to do the right thing, or make lighter based choices. The Earl of Phantomhive often ignored this part of his conscious, content with his own dark path, but he could not ignore it this time.
The small voice of his remaining innocence begged him to give it a chance. It reminded him that he had nothing to prove, that time was running out and he deserved to be happy. What did it matter if Sebastian never returned his feelings, or even knew of their existence? The return of his sentiment, ridiculous as the notion might be, would change nothing. Even if his soul wasn't promised to the demon, he was human, and like every other human being on the planet, he would eventually die.
However, unlike most humans, Ciel knew when his death would come. Not the exact day, no. But the teen knew that he was a dead man walking. There would be many experiences that he would be forced to miss, but this didn't have to be one of them. Ciel was constantly forced to stay in line, playing by the rules, remaining utterly focused on the work and his image. There was little fun to be had outside of his cases, but it didn't have to be that way.
In this moment, if he so chose, the blue haired male could take a lover. Irresponsible couplings, passionate kisses, secret meetings. If Ciel wished it, he could bask in the afterglow of sex each and every night with this sinfully beautiful creature at his side. Adultery with a demon, as he was a promised man after all. But really, in the end, there were only two promises that he would keep, and beneath it all, they remained one and the same. Ciel Phantomhive would avenge his parents, as well as himself, and he would give his soul, his after-death immortality, to the maroon eyed man that stood before him.
His first and last vow.
Ciel looked up at his demon and took in the elder's face. If he was to die for his troubles, never to experience the bliss of those that passed on, then he would make the mortal world his playground.
Ciel cast a look to his reflection and watched with unspoken amusement as his pupils dilated, expanding as they took in the sight of the marks that covered his body. Love bites littered his abdomen, and the inside of his thighs, ten finger shaped bruises blossomed along his hips from where Sebastian gripped him, hickies peppered his collarbone, lingering just below where his normal attire would cover.
"Do you like them, my Lord?"
Ciel's eyes didn't leave the mirror, but he used the reflection to stare at his butler with a heated glance. The way those inhuman eyes mapped out his body, most likely taking in the marks that he couldn't see, it was addictive. Ciel could feel the jump of his heart as he stared at the immortal, the way his pulse raced, even to his own ears.
If Sebastian's smirk was anything to go on, Ciel would assume that the demon heard it as well, but rather than feeling shy and embarrassed, the teen felt empowered. The demon was not unaffected, the state of his glowing eyes alone proved that to be true, and that knowledge made Ciel feel bold and daring. Unlike the previous night, he didn't feel overwhelmed and unable to think.
Before the teen could lose his nerve he approached the dark haired man, his mismatched eyes glued to the immortal's face as he stopped just before him, "Sebastian."
The elder raised an eyebrow in silent acknowledgment, "Young Master?"
Nimble fingers grabbed the folds of the butler's pockets and he pulled himself snugly against the elder, trying not to let their size difference rub his pride the wrong way, "I'm feeling rather sore. Take me to bed?"
Maroon eyes morphed to their demonic nature and Sebastian let out a dark, promising growl before scooping the naked teen into his arms with inhuman speed, "As you wish."
The peaceful mindspace of post-coital bliss cocooned Ciel as he laid flushed and sated against Sebastian's naked form, his legs tangled in the sheets. For the moment, the blue haired teen didn't regret his choice for a single moment.
Just as before, Sebastian had sought the teen's pleasure above his own, and though Ciel was no expert on these types of things, even he could recognize the amount if effort the butler put forth to make sure he was satisfied. It was no surprise that women fell to his feet, practically begging for what he had to offer if this was the result. Despite being sore, Ciel felt almost as if he could fly, or perhaps even the opposite, that he could close his eyes and forget the world as he chose to do now.
There was little running through his mind aside from how incredibly skilled Sebastian was, and how wonderful his body felt. It was rare for such positive thought to remain within his thoughts. Negativity surrounded him and the Earl generally didn't have time to focus on the more pleasant aspects of life, but in the current moment, he began to realize just what he'd been missing.
A small smile touched his lips, but the teen said nothing, content to let his head remain on Sebastian's stomach. The flesh there was pale and smooth, flawless just like the rest of him, but his skin was abnormally heated. In past encounters, Ciel had noticed that the demon's temperature ran a bit higher than the average human being, but until now he hadn't been able to truly appreciate it. The warmth provided by his demon brought a nice balance to the faint chill of the room, and the cooling sweat against his skin.
Though the blue haired male's thoughts were content and flowing, his eyes remained closed, his face passive. Despite his previous bravo, the teenage Earl wasn't exactly sure how to respond to his lover, what was appropriate to say, or even, what they would talk about. Regardless of the fact that they'd begun speaking on a deeper level as of late, Ciel still wasn't sure what constituted as acceptable pillow talk, or even if Sebastian would want to speak to him after their couplings.
Was that to intimate? And if it wasn't, where was the line supposed to be drawn?
"I know you're awake, young Master. I can practically hear you over-thinking from here."
For the moment, Ciel found himself almost startled by the immortal's calm nature, and the soothing edge to his voice. He didn't sound sarcastic or belittling, there was no mocking undertone to his words.
Mismatched eyes opened with slight hesitancy, the barest of caution, and Ciel looked up at his butler, still not quite sure what to say. Normally his pride guided his tongue, sharpened his wit, but there was no pride here. He was utterly vulnerable, open to emotional attack. The only thing that shielded his exposure was the knowledge that Sebastian only knew of his lust. The demon didn't know of his love of the affection he clutched so tightly to his breast.
But as Sebastian took in the sight of his Master's rounded face, the gloss of his eyes and the sheer vulnerability expressed in his gaze, the demon wondered how he could have ever missed the boy's love. There was uncertainty painted across Ciel's features, all one had to do to see it was look, and for the briefest moment, Sebastian felt foolish that he'd expected any less. Of course the Earl would be nervous and unsure. This was not something he was used to, and as a rule, the immortal could be quite cruel when it suited him.
Sebastian could admit to himself that he was a rather sadistic creature, and he relished his darkness, but the thought of emotionally damaging this mortal after what'd been exposed left a sour taste in the demon's mouth.
Normally, he would tear humans to bits, poking and prodding at their emotional attachments, laying barbs within their conscious with the brutality of his words, the malicious nature of his comments, but Sebastian felt no such urge to do this. Ciel was different, and he was to be protected until his time came.
Ungloved fingers brushed the hair from Ciel's face as he gazed unabashed into the glowing form of the contract, "You appear uneasy. Did I do something wrong, young Master?"
Twin brows pulled together in a look of puzzled contemplation, and Sebastian could practically see the gears turning within the teen's mind. Sebastian supposed that Ciel fancied himself able to hide his thoughts, to keep his face calm and unbroken by confusion, however that was not the case. Then again, to hide such powerful emotion spoke of at least some skill.
Kiss swollen lips parted to speak before Ciel let them fall closed. It was obvious that the younger man was choosing his words with care, and Sebastian couldn't help the feeling of amusement that enveloped him.
A steely sort of resolve crossed Ciel's face, flooding his eyes with partial boldness before he spoke, "I'm not sure what to say to you."
Sebastian lifted a shapely brow in question, and Ciel sighed, as though his words shouldn't have to be explained. As the teen considered his thoughts, Sebastian could almost see the blue haired male's pride threatening to choke him.
"I am.. unsure of what kinds of things would be appropriate to say or talk about in this situation."
The words were stiff, controlled and overly proper, brimming with discomfort and Sebastian immediately understood the teen's dilemma. A smile parted the demons lips, and he couldn't help the smirk that his previously innocent grin morphed into.
An instantaneous flush captured the teen's cheeks, but whether it was from embarrassment, anger, or a mix of the two, Sebastian couldn't tell.
"Don't mock me, demon!" Ciel made a move to pull himself away, assumingly prepared to flee from a situation that he couldn't control, and didn't fully understand, but Sebastian was faster. With a bit of demonic speed, the raven haired immortal had his arm around the teen's waist and he pulled him close, "I wasn't seeking to make you feel uneasy with my response. My apologies, young Master. It just sort of happened."
Within the privacy of his own mind, Ciel could do nothing but gape. When it came to Sebastian, nothing "just sort of happened". Everything was planned, thought out and approved by the demon. An unconscious reaction was almost unheard of, and the blue haired teen couldn't stop the relieved smile that appeared on his face as a response to the demon's words.
"You need not feel so self conscious in my presence, young Master. I will not seek to make hurtful comments during our time together."
Ciel took a moment to let the elder's words sink in. As they rolled around in his mind, the blue haired Earl left his head fall back to the immortal's stomach, his cheek pressed against the oddly comforting warmth of his butler's skin. The obvious gentle nature of his promise took the teen by surprise. It was so unlike Sebastian that the teen briefly wondered if he ever really knew the man that currently shared his bed. He liked to think he did, but the more Ciel thought about it, The more that he realized that, despite their newly found conversations, that he actually knew very little about his companion. And as he considered that saddening revelation, it occurred to the sated teen that he finally had something to talk about.
"Does it bother you when I ask you questions, Sebastian?"
The inquiry didn't really come as a surprise to the immortal. He figured that Ciel would eventually ask, but regardless of how often he'd rolled the question within his thoughts, Sebastian still took a moment to think about it, his fingers unconsciously moving to glide through the dark blue locks of his lover's hair, "It doesn't bother me. It merely reminds me of who I was in a previous life."
There was a certain sadness to the demon's response that Ciel wasn't sure if Sebastian had intended or not, but the blue haired teen caught on to it regardless of the intention. He wondered, within the sanctuary of his own mind, what it must be like to be a demon, never having a true sense of self and who you are. With each master came a new face, a new name, New persona. There was nothing truly individualized about him, and after over two thousand years of countless contracts, Ciel found himself surprised that Sebastian remembered any of his previous life.
"Do you ever miss being human?"
Lazily drifting focus snapped to attention at the boy's question, and for the briefest moment, Sebastian wanted to hiss in displeasure. He almost forgot that he'd already revealed that he was once human to his contracted, and the correction of his species lingered heavily on the tip of his tongue before it slowly died, making way for in-depth consideration.
Did he miss being human? There were certain aspects that he missed. The unknown and the mystery of it all. Sure, there were some things that even Sebastian didn't know, but to be human was much more fulfilling. He supposed that it was easier to enjoy and appreciate life when you only had so many years to work with, when you never knew when it would all end. He remembered the pursuit of knowledge from his mortal years, and the excitement of discovering things that'd been previously unknown to him. It was a rush that still found him when the demon managed to find something that he didn't already know but as time went on, it became harder and harder to find that exquisite feeling of discovery.
Silence lingered between them as Sebastian considered the Earl's question, as he tried to word his thoughts in a way that the mortal would understand, "I enjoy my life as a demon, but there is a sort of frail, unspoken beauty that comes with being human. I suppose you could say that I miss aspects of it, but as a whole, I am content with my existence."
Ciel nodded unconsciously at Sebastian's response, marveling at the simple feeling of his skin moving against Sebastian's in such an intimate way.
"And what of you, my Lord?"
The teen raised his head in question, looking up at the immortal, "What about me?"
Sebastian stopped massaging the teen's scalp and Ciel found himself momentarily wishing that the demon hadn't stopped.
"Do you find yourself content with your humanity?"
Without a thought, Ciel's lips parted and he prepared to tell Sebastian that, of course he was happy to be human, and there was nothing he'd rather be. The teen wanted to believe that was true, and for quite a long time, he had believed that with every ounce of his being, but things had changed. Ciel no longer felt like the superior creature.
"It disappoints me." The truth slipped through the Earl's teeth without a second thought, but he didn't regret their appearance. If anything, he enjoyed the startled look upon Sebastian's face before continuing, "I have always believed myself to be the better creature, even among my own species, but I can see that that is no longer true. I dislike the idea of being anything less than a superior being at the top of the food chain."
The honesty of Ciel's words took the dark haired immortal by surprise. He himself had been a victim of his own pride many times, and it often kept the demon from revealing any sort of truth behind the mask, but to hear such a thing come from the teen's own lips was shocking. Ciel rarely swallowed his pride long enough to reveal such things about his person, and when he did, it always seemed to throw Sebastian for a loop, but to the demons surprise, he understood.
"Sebastian?"
Maroon eyes darted down to Ciel's face, "Hmm?"
"Do demons have emotions?"
The turn of conversation was clear, and though the question itself made Sebastian want to chuckle at the absurdity of it all, he allowed himself to be led from the previous point of conversation, "Of course, we do."
Focused eyes took in the sight of carefully concealed curiosity, the well hidden sense of awe as the boy looked up at him with those lovely eyes through long, dark lashes, waiting for him to continue.
"There are, of course, exceptions to every rule, but most demons do, in fact, have emotions." A small grin of amusement captured the elder's lips as he glided his fingers down his lover's spine, basking in the instantaneous shiver that glided down the Earl's body, "We merely have better compartmentalization. In our world, caring is not an advantage. Sentiment is a chemical defect found in the losing side, and most of us choose to bury our compassion and other such emotions deep within ourselves. Some demons forget that it's even there, or that it ever was."
Sebastian looked away from the eyes of his lover, staring out as his thoughts glided from his lips with an effortlessness that Ciel found himself envious of. "I, myself, have done this. I don't regret it. It makes the nature of our survival much easier. However, in some ways, demons feel emotional connections even more deeply than humans."
The serious look exited Sebastian's features and he directed his newly acquired smirk towards Ciel, "It's a shame that we must depart tomorrow. I would've loved to have yet another reason to show you all the passionate emotion we are capable of."
A dark light captured the teen's eyes, and Sebastian could see the beginning stages of the Earl's professionalism begin to cone forth, "The Circus."
Sebastian nodded, "Indeed, my Lord. They shall be arriving in the next town over sometime early tomorrow morning. I thought it would be best if we attended someplace where we wouldn't be so easily recognized."
Ciel nodded in agreement, the familiar glaze of "the Work" dominating his features as he pondered the mystery behind the traveling group of performers and the missing children.
"What do you wish to do with the rest of your day, My Lord?"
Blue strands of hair fell from in front of his face as Ciel looked up at his companion, "Clear my schedule, Sebastian. I wish to refamiliarize myself with our current knowledge of the case after I take a bath."
Sebastian tipped his head in acknowledgment before making a move to slide out of the Earl's bed, but before he could make his way from the messy tangle of sheets, Ciel stopped him, stretching up to capture a kiss.
Unlike earlier, it was soft and brief, a gift, and an unspoken thank you rather than a demand, and despite his claims against sentiment, Sebastian couldn't help the way he returned the kiss with equal giving, all the while storing the memories within his conscious, making them easily accessible for his viewing pleasure as he pulled himself from the comfortable embrace of his lover.