Disclaimer: I do not own the Hobbit or anything associated with Middle Earth.

Chapter 18: A Walk in the Black Forest

"I'm not completely sure we aren't all living in a hallucination now."

–Marc Maron

Unlike the dwarves, Gemma and Gandalf rode horses, not ponies. Gemma's was big and brown, and that was just about all she knew. Riding a horse was mildly terrifying, what with it being alive and all. It certainly wasn't like riding a motorcycle. Gemma added that to her list of things she missed from home; her beautiful burgundy Yamaha 1300, which was very much not alive. Still, she managed to figure out how to get her horse moving at a trot, and she didn't even fall off. Small victories.

The Company rode across an open field towards the tree line in the distance, with only the cover of darkness to hide them. The only sounds that could be heard were the huffs of the creatures they rode. It seemed that the orcs had not realized that they were leaving, thank goodness.

Thorin pulled his pony up beside her horse and they rode together in silence. Even dwarfed by Gemma and her horse on his tiny pony, Thorin managed to look regal and intimidating. But Gemma now knew he had a softer side. It made her wonder how she had ever disliked him; he was such a good man, despite his initial gruffness.

When they made it to the edge of the forest, Gandalf ordered that they dismount, unpack, and send the horses back to Beorn. He stepped into a section of forest and was briefly swallowed up by its ominous darkness. Seconds later he re-emerged, shouting that they not release his horse. "You're not leaving us, are you?" Bilbo asked in worry.

"Sadly, I must. There are certain… issues to the north to which I must attend." The wizard looked to Thorin. "I did tell you that this point might come." Thorin only nodded, but Gemma could tell that it made the dwarf king more worried than he cared to admit. "Gemma," Gandalf called to her, "a word?" She nodded and joined him a few feet away.

Gandalf touched the nearly fully glowing moonstone on Gemma's neck. "In case you leave before we meet again…" He kissed her on the top of her head, then mounted his horse and said "Just watch out for them, eh? Heaven knows they need someone with a level head. And since I'm leaving, that leaves just you and Bilbo." Gemma laughed, and Gandalf rode off, but not before yelling one more piece of advice. "Remember. Do not step off the path."

"Didn't… didn't Dumbledore say not to step… on the path?" Gemma mumbled. Her head felt like it was being attacked by woodpeckers and her vision swam and swirled. It was like that one time she was at a party and ended up eating a bunch of pot brownies without knowing it. She felt all woozy.

"No… no… he said… wait, who?" Bofur replied.

"The air. It feels like it's closing in. I need air. I can't breathe," Dori said.

"There's supposed to be a bridge. Gandalf mentioned… a bridge," Thorin called.

"H... here, we found it up ahead," Fili called.

"Oh uh, no it's, uh, um… broken! Yes, that's it, it's broken." Bilbo declared.

"We could try to swim across," Bofur suggested. Gemma looked over his shoulder at the murky black water below.

"Nope. Not happening. There could be… could be… croco…gators," She told him. Damn, this felt like that one time she was at a party…wait…

"Didn't you hear what the wizard said? There is dark magic here; we should not go near the water. It holds enchantments," Thorin said. Gemma huffed, jealous that he could still form full sentences.

"These branches seem sturdy," Kili proclaimed as he tested a thick vine with his weight.

"Wait, Kili!" Thorin said. "We'll send the lightest one first." All eyes turned to Bilbo, who sighed heavily and then stepped up and clambered onto the vines.

"No… that doesn't make any sense. If we want to make sure it holds our weight, shouldn't we send the heaviest first? Sorry Bombur. That way…that way we'll know that if it holds his weight it'll hold all of ours," Gemma said. She thought it was a pretty insightful point, and, in her deluded state, was fairly certain it warranted an award or something. But Thorin acted like he didn't even hear it. "Thorin? Thorin did you hear what I said? Thooooorin…"

"What!" he snapped.

"Thorin… you... hic… never listen!" Now Gemma had the hiccups, which sent her into a fit of giggles, which caused her to have even more hiccups, which made her frustrated. "I said…I said… oh, I don't remember. Why couldn't you… hic… just listen to… hic…me?!"

"Just be quiet and climb," Thorin ordered back at her.

"You can't tell me what to do," Gemma said, even as she began to follow his exact orders. "You're not…hic… my king." Now she remembered why they didn't get along.

"Something's… something's not right," Bilbo called from his spot across the river bank. "Stay where you are." But it was too late for that.

Thorin stumbled onto the bank, followed by Gemma. "Something's not right," Bilbo repeated to them.

"No kidding," Gemma said, "I feel like this one time when I was at a party…" she broke down into a coughing fit.

"Be quiet, woman!" Thorin said and Gemma turned to look at him with her best glare. Only she couldn't figure out which Thorin to look at, as she was seeing double. As if one wasn't bad enough.

"Now you listen here, jackass… hic… I thought we went over the whole "woman" thing ages ago. Why I oughtta smack some sense into… hic…" But Thorin wasn't listening. He had somehow got a hold of a Kili's bow and arrows, and was aiming at a beautiful white stag which had appeared a short distance up the bank. He released the arrow, but it missed and the stag disappeared into the trees. The trees seemed to close around them even thicker.

"You shouldn't have done that. It's bad luck," Bilbo quavered.

"Bad luck," Thorin scoffed, "We don't need luck. We'll make our own luck."

A splash was heard as Bombur fell into the river. The other dwarves hauled him ashore and Thorin led on. Bad luck. Normally Gemma would agree with Thorin's sentiments; luck had never served her well, only hard work. But in this place, this hell, well, they needed all the help they could get. Also, she was not in the mood to agree with Thorin. She was mad at him, though she didn't know why.

On they walked. "Mahal, is there no end to this forsaken forest?!" Thorin cried, his voice echoing through the trees.

"What time is it?" young Ori yawned.

"Never mind that, what day is it?" Gloin asked in return.

Gemma batted Fili and Kili's hands away from some strange looking mushrooms, which most definitely were poisonous. "Alice in fucking Wonderland," she mumbled.

It was only when Gemma stumbled over a root that she realized there was no brick path below their feet anymore. "Thorin! Thorin, where'd the path go?!"

This, of course, caused complete panic as the dwarves realized they were well and truly lost. "Find the path!" Thorin ordered.

"No don't split up! Nothing good ever happens when you split up." No one listened to Gemma. "Geez, couldn't even follow the goddamn yellow-brick road." Alice in Wonderland, the Wizard of Oz; Gemma couldn't make up her mind.

"Thorin, perhaps we should rest, hmm?" Balin suggested.

After a second, Thorin caved in. "Alright, but I want three people on watch at all times. Gemma, Fili, Kili, you first." The decision was final, so everyone ate a few dry biscuits, as they suddenly seemed to be running out of food, and settled down to rest, while the three in question made themselves comfortable on a fallen log.

"Gemma?" she had realized she had fallen into a daze until someone snapped her from it. She jumped and pointed her gun at whoever it was. When her vision cleared, she saw that it was a rather nervous looking Bilbo. She lowered the weapon, to his relief. "I was uh… thinking I might climb a tree, to see where we are and where the forest ends."

"That… yeah that's probably a smart idea, Bilbo," she told him, already half asleep again. Beside her, the dwarf princes dozed, completely unconscious. "Hey do you hear music? Like… John Lennon?" Bilbo was already gone, and he wouldn't have known who that was anyway.

A short while later, or maybe a long while, Gemma couldn't really tell, she heard a scuttling sound. And then again. She raised her gun, but was fairly certain it was her mind playing tricks. This forest, there must have been something in the air. She was losing her mind. This was confirmed when a giant spider crawled down from the trees and snatched up a member of the Company below. That was definitely not real. Gemma blinked. Then blinked again. Oin was still missing from his spot. And then another spider, and another and another, swooped down and captured more dwarves, and Gemma thought that maybe she wasn't completely insane. Either that or she most definitely was. "Thorin–," She yelled, but was cut off when she too was pulled up into the air, hanging upside down by her feet from some sort of web, as eight hideous legs wrapped her in spider's silk.

If the forest had been bad, the spider cocoon was ten times worse. Blind, deaf, and mute, Gemma was completely trapped in her mind, detached from whatever was going on outside. She suddenly had the distinct feeling of falling, and then felt her cocoon land on something else, but maybe it was all in her head. Gemma felt like throwing up. Thank God she wasn't claustrophobic.

As suddenly as the falling feeling had come, light entered her eyes, blinding after the total darkness of the web. Bilbo stood above her, ripping the web from her form with his tiny sword. He held a finger to his lips, silencing the questions forming on her lips, then pointed to the other cocoons above them, the spiders slinking around them. Then he pointed towards the camp, where several of the dwarves' bags and weapons lay. She grabbed her own bag, but holstered her gun, choosing instead to pick up Thorin's sword, which she found lying in the dirt. It was heavier than she'd expected. Gemma turned back to Bilbo, but he was gone. So she climbed the tree as silently as possible and set to work freeing the others.

Soon the spiders took notice. As she freed Bofur, one snuck up behind her. Gemma tossed Thorin's sword to a still woozy Bofur, and delivered a roundhouse kick to the creature's face, knocking it from the tree branch. She grabbed the sword back from Bofur and freed the next dwarf, pulling white webbing away from his dark hair and revealing his bright blue eyes. She handed the newly freed dwarf king his sword, and then swung down from the tree branch into the battle below, Thorin following closely behind.

As a general rule of thumb, insects are a hundred times more disgusting when you see them up close and enlarged. These spiders were no exception. Gemma beat back hairy legs and needle-sharp pincers, shooting rounds into venom-filled mouths as they swarmed her and the other Company members. She connected back-to-back with Thorin, just like that day they ran from the orcs. They had been in sync then, but now that they really knew one another, it was as if they were one. Gemma ducked as Thorin swung, rolled and shot when Thorin parried stingers and spindles, turned when Thorin turned, and stepped when Thorin stepped. They were a machine, the buzz of battle blowing away whatever poison had previously clouded their minds.

Yet still they were losing, overwhelmed.

Gemma whirled and kicked, then whirled again to face her partner. But where Thorin should have been, another being stood in his place; a male elf, with long blonde hair that looked as if it belonged in a L'Oreal commercial. The elf shot a few arrows at the massive insects as more of his kind emerged from the trees.

Gemma momentarily felt relieved, before she remembered what Beorn had said about the elves of Mirkwood, and the trouble that came when Thorin and Company mixed with the immortal beings. Soon not a single spider was left to harm them, but this was not a rescue party.

The Company found themselves surrounded by a new enemy; twenty or so supermodels with pointed ears, led by Mr. L'Oreal Commercial, who, after some choice words with their stubborn Company leader, ordered that they all be brought to his tree house castle.

AN:

Another chapter for you! It was fairly short, but we've reached Mirkwood at long last, and ended with elves ex machina. Several people have been dying to get to this point. I can only say that you won't be disappointed. Gemma and Legolas are going to have a very interesting relationship, which I think you'll all enjoy, and as I've been hinting to many reviewers, Mirkwood is where the Thorin/Gemma romance finally starts to heat up in a big way. Let's just say that the next chapter is probably one of my favourites of the whole story, and I'm really excited to share it with you.

Things are getting really busy for me, as I have a difficult semester, and track training just started this week. Thankfully my work shifts at the skating rinks are coming to a close, so I'll have more time to write in a few weeks, but for now things will be tight. Speaking of work, I have an interview to be a summer camp counsellor coming up next Saturday, and I have to present a song and a game. Do any of you guys have suggestions?

Thanks to all my amazing reviews. Please keep reading, reviewing, and enjoying!