CPOV
Eight hours. It's been eight hours since Ana asked me to marry her. Eight hours and outside of accepting, calling my parents, proposing to her and the occasional 'I love you' while we made love, I've found myself speechless.
I shouldn't be surprised though. Nothing she's done from the day I met her has been textbook and certainly nothing she does is premeditated or contrived. She just loves, fully and without pretense. Often I think of her and the fact that this woman loves me and it seems so unbelievable, so impossible that someone so pure and so full of light would choose someone like me.
But she does. I can see it in the way she looks at me, hear it in the way she says my name, feel it in the way she touches me. Little things, like how she always finds me in a room first before she notices anyone else, how she holds onto my arm for no reason other than to touch me, the gentle way she moves the hair from my forehead. I may not deserve someone like her, but her heart is mine, I know it.
Without her, god I can't even think of it. Without her I would wither and die. For me, there is no life without her, that's just a fact. For months I've been trying to put into words what she's done for my life and it's been impossible. There's so many things, so many facets of my existence that are completely altered because of her presence. I feel as if there were pieces of me that had nowhere to go, no way to exist and then she came along and became the center. And suddenly, all these things I had never known or had willingly not acknowledged had something to latch onto. The scattered pieces of a puzzle came together around that one central piece and the picture that came to life, it wasn't as ugly as I thought.
I have a lot of good in me. I'm not destroyed. I'm not a monster. I'm a flawed human who is capable of great love. And tonight, when she looked at me with eyes full of nothing but sincerity and asked me to spend my life with her…something shifted inside. It was physical, like the shifting of gears or the aligning of two points. In front of me stood someone who I think hangs the moon and it's me she wants. Me. Worthy of someone like Anastasia Steele. I am worthy of love.
I grin that stupid grin I can't seem to shake. Anastasia Grey.
Her warm body shifts next to me and turns so that she's lying on her back, the sheet just covering the swell of her breasts and all of the treasures that lie beneath. She fell asleep with me still inside of her after the fourth time we made love as an engaged couple. Engaged. Holy fucking shit!
There goes that stupid grin again.
I knew she was tired and I felt sated enough after the third time when she collapsed on top of me, heart beating a mile a minute, breath hot on my neck but then she stood up to go to the bathroom to clean herself up and the moonlight caught the glint of that ring and, well, before she could get herself back between the sheets I was balls deep with her legs wrapped around me again.
The ring. I must have studied that thing a million and one times before giving it to her. I was afraid she'd find it too ostentatious, this is a woman who just ordered t-shirts from Target, but she seemed to like it once she stopped crying and could see it. In fact, I know she liked it because she told me over and over while she kissed my face and chest before impaling herself on me. Shit, now I've got a hard on. If I had it my way, I'd have put a twelve carat rock on that finger and a neon sign that blinked, 'Property of Christian Grey', but something tells me she'd have rejected that.
So I went for flawless with clean lines instead and I think it was a good choice. For the thousandth time tonight I lift her hand up to stare and then reach for my phone, snapping a few pictures of her wearing my heart. Because essentially, that's what this is. A commitment to me to protect my heart, to love it and cherish it and embrace it.
Aw shit, here I go getting all emotional again. Tears aren't really my thing and I'll be damned if I actually ever cry but I'll admit to getting a bit blurry a few times tonight. What a roller coaster the last few months have been.
I didn't even know this woman existed not too long ago. And marriage? Not even on the radar for me. Hell, love wasn't even on the radar. But then an unremarkable door opened into an unremarkable apartment and the most remarkable woman walked into my life. And now, well damn it all, now I'm desperate to have children for Christ's sake.
"Christian?" Sleepy green eyes blink and then disappear behind her hand.
"Yes, baby?"
"Turn the light off and go to sleep."
"I can't, I'm too excited." Her lips turn up into a smile before she shifts again, her back pressing against my chest, her hands pulling both of mine around her tightly.
"Recite all of the major league baseball stadiums in your head starting with the Mariners."
"You're so weird." I chuckle against her neck, kissing that secret spot only I'll ever know about. She shivers, her nipples pucker beneath my palm and her ass wiggles against me. "I have a better way to get me tired."
"Um, no. That particular option has been closed down for repairs. Just start reciting." I laugh because she's right. One more go around and we both may wind up with blisters.
By the time I get to Kauffman Stadium I'm out.
"Christian…oh fiancé…wakey wakey it's time to go camping!"
One eye opens to find Ana dressed with a baseball hat on and a shit eating grin on her face.
"And in case you forgot…" she lifts her hand up and twists it around so that the diamond sparkles and shines, "we're getting married!" She squeals when I grip her around the waist and toss her to the mattress, taking off the hat so that I can kiss her. My attempt to lift her t-shirt up is not as successful however and she rolls out from under me and grabs for the hat, walking towards the door.
"Come on you horndog, we're running late already. I've got everything packed, you just need to shower. We'll pick up dinner and snacks on the way. Are you sure we have all of the camping gear we need?"
"What time is it? Why are you so awake?" Didn't we just go to bed like, an hour ago? Oh shit. My lower back is sore, no doubt from so much fucking. Hell yeah, so much fucking.
"Nine. I told them we'd be there by noon so we need to get that sexy butt of yours in gear."
"Ass, Ana. Call it an ass." But she's gone, singing a song I'm sure I know but would never recognize from her tuneless rendition.
Taylor greets us at the elevator with his own bag and a smile.
"Congratulations, Sir. I'm very happy for you as is Mrs. Jones. She practically blew my eardrum out when I told her." He shakes my hand and then looks to Ana who is fucking cute as hell in her baseball hat and hiking boots. My fiancée. "Ms. Steele, congratulations, I have no doubt you will have a happy life together."
Ana pushes his hand away, hugging him and kissing his cheek. I'd be pissed but the glint of that ring blinds me…mine. She asked me. I asked her. Equal partners, equal love.
"Thank you, Jason. Gail's sister is doing well?"
"Yes, she is. I'll pass on your concern."
"And Sophie? Where is she?" Taylor hits the button and uncharacteristically leans against the wall.
"My mother picked her up earlier this morning for a visit. She'll be spending the weekend there. Sir, the team is aware of your engagement but until we've come up with a plan I've got to suggest that we keep the parties involved to a minimum."
"My parents and Ana's father know as well, I'll be calling Andrea and Ros when we return."
"And my friends that we're going away with will know but they won't say anything." Taylor looks down and then up at me, hesitant to even ask the question I know he's got on the tip of his tongue.
"She's not taking off the ring if that's where you're about to go." The doors open then and Prescott shakes our hands as well, offering what I think is a smile but I can't really tell. Ana is rattling off the places we need to hit on our way but Prescott hands both of us Starbucks, eliminating one immediately.
"We've already done a sweep of Whole Foods, there are two undercover CPO's there now and they will make themselves known to you by a slight nod. One will walk in right behind you, the other is a female, red hair and she'll be near the apples. Ms. Steele if you could keep it quick that would be best. Word travels fast and if we want to avoid pictures right now we need to get you in and out."
"And the camp site?"
"Secured since Thursday. Mr. Rodriguez and Ms. Graham have arrived and Mr. Grey and Ms. Kavanagh are almost there now. It's been…a pleasure to hear the commentary from her CPO." I laugh, I can only imagine.
At the grocery store we wait while Prescott does a quick additional sweep and then walk in, hand in hand. While she picks out strawberries and a few other snacks I step back and grin, again. The first time we did this we hadn't even kissed. Now we're getting married and we have done all manners of kissing.
At the butcher counter she orders eight T-bone steaks, thick cut at my request. "Wait, what about the security team? Do we get food for them too?"
"All taken care of, Ma'am." Prescott leans in and nods once. I know she's still uncomfortable with me after the way I threw her off duty when Halen approached Ana. I'm not about to apologize but I do need to make her feel as if she's part of the team again. Camaraderie and all that shit.
"How is your mother, Prescott?" She freezes and then turns slowly to me, her expression unreadable. Ana looks straight ahead and pretends to be interested in a pork chop display.
"She's doing well, thank you, Sir."
"I understand your brother takes care of her?" Two slow nods. You're freaking her out, Grey. The guy ogling Ana hands her the package of steaks, thank Christ, and we turn to go. Another second of that awkward exchange and I'd have to fire her again.
Taylor has been busy in the car waiting and has the locations of all parties involved tracked down to their ETA to the actual site. I know he's anxious to have this engagement discussion but I'm not sure I'm ready to let something so personal become so clinical. Being wealthy has it's advantages but it comes with it's share of losses as well. Privacy being one of them.
A few minutes into the drive I steal a glance at Ana and am startled to see her looking sad. She's in a different world entirely, staring out the window, her face resting on her open palm. Her hand is limp when I take it so I crook my finger under her chin and pull face towards mine.
"Penny for your thoughts?" I ask at the same time I hit the privacy divider. She shrugs and then her eyes fill with tears which she tries in vain to blink away.
"I wish I could tell my mom." Tears spill over and run down her cheeks. I feel her loss like a punch in my gut. "Let me rephrase, I wish I had a mom who would give a shit. I'm usually fine but sometimes...sometimes it hits me, you know? I have a mother but I don't really have a mother."
"I'm sorry, baby. I wish there was something I could do to make her normal." Deep breath, may as well just get it all over with at once. "I don't mean to bombard you but I was going to talk to you about something over dinner last night but then, well, we had better things to do like decide to get hitched." This elicits a little smile out of her.
"Your mom agreed to a plea deal with the Georgia State DA's office. For her testimony against Morton and his drug dealings, she'll get out of jail. Scott free without so much as a parking ticket on her record. No parole, nothing. The good news is," I rush to add, "that Morton will be in jail long after he needs dentures."
She laughs and crosses her legs underneath her. "You were going to tell me that last night?"
"I figured a few cocktails would soften the blow."
"When did you find this all out?"
"Wednesday early afternoon. And before you freak out, I wanted to make sure it was legit and I wanted to have all the facts in front of me. I did by Thursday night, I brought the folder home to show you but Sophie was there and then Friday morning the realtor called to tell me my attorney had signed off on the house and then, well, I couldn't think of anything else other than bringing you to that house."
"I wish you would have told me right away. Bob called me yesterday."
"Bob? Her husband?"
"Soon to be ex. He wanted to warn me that she had plans to come up here. I don't know if she has no idea you were behind her arrest or if she's just that damn crazy but he didn't want me caught unaware. Except, I was because I had no idea she was even getting out."
"Ana. I realize you're still a bit gun shy when it comes to me and disclosure but I wasn't keeping it from you for any reason other than I wanted to tell you in person."
"Once I calmed down I figured as much but you're right, my initial response is to assume you're slipping back into that mode. I can't live like that, I can't always be wondering if you're hiding something from me or if you're editing the truth. It will seep into other facets of our lives and I don't want that between us. I know you're trying and I realize it goes against your nature but I do see your efforts and I want you to know that I'm just going to give you the benefit of the doubt from now on."
"Yeah?"
"You deserve it. I trust you, Christian and I want you to know that. I'm asking one last time that you remember that next time something comes up that involves me that you don't want me to know about."
"So long as it's relevant, I'll be as up front about things as I can."
"Thank you, baby."
She leans over, kisses my cheek and then sits back, eying me with slitted eyes while she crosses her arms. This does not look good.
"Then let's talk about Paul Clayton." Uh, what?
"What about that prick?"
"He can't get through on the switchboard to me." Good.
"I'll tell you what," I offer with one of my signature smiles. "I'll tell them to put him through. He gets eight seconds. Just long enough for you to say, 'I'm marrying Christian Grey, the only man I've ever fucked and the only man I'll ever fuck. Don't call again'. Sound good to you?"
I expect a fight but instead she burst out laughing so hard she snorts.
"Well that was quite unladylike." Which just makes her laugh harder. "Are those happy tears or sad tears...so, are you still mad? Or are you happy? Or…what the fuck is going on?" When she finally winds down she lets out a phew and then slaps her knee.
"I can't ever stay mad at you! I try but then you say something so damn cute or you look...like that. All hot and sexy and I forget what it is I'm supposed to be pissed about! I don't want to talk to him Christian, I'm not interested in the least but he's done nothing wrong and to make it appear as if I'm ignoring him makes me look rude and that I do care about. He was a nice guy."
"Nice guy or not, Ana, he saw your tits. I'm not cool with him being around you in any capacity." And just to fuck with me she cups those double d's over her t-shirt and shakes them around a bit.
"These tits? Let me tell you something about these tits. First of all, they are breasts. Second of all, they are yours. Third of all, they are attached to me and I am getting married to you. So to sum up, get the fuck over it, Grey." Then she flashes me a big smile and laughs again.
"Get over it?" I repeat slowly.
"Get." Tap to my nose. "Over." Another tap to my mouth. "It." And one final one to my chest which results in me snatching her wrist away and tickling her until she begs for mercy.
"Fine. I'll remove his name but I'm not cool with you guys being friends."
"If I had had the opportunity to talk to him I would have told him just that. Good luck in life, see ya later. We're not going to hang out if that's what you're afraid of."
"Damn right you're not." She ignores me and breaks off a piece of chocolate, nibbling on it just sensually enough to get my balls to start tingling.
"I wonder if he's moving to Seattle. Maybe that's why he was calling." No, that is definitely not why he's calling since the company he works for is about to be acquired and will not be opening that second office in Seattle after all. She must catch my flash of panic because those eyes slit right back up. "You didn't."
"No." I pause long enough for her to relax and then blurt out, "Technically Ros did."
"Christian!" Now she looks pissed. "What is wrong with you? He could have been a vice president! That was so wrong of you!"
"Calm down, I'll make sure he still makes VP. He'll just do it in Vancouver or Portland. Maybe Walla Walla. Just not Seattle. Have I ever told you how hot you are when you're mad?"
"Have I ever told you how flattery will get you nowhere? Who else is on that list? And will you really make sure he doesn't lose out on a job opportunity because you're a crazy jealous nut job?" I laugh loud enough for Prescott to turn and make sure I'm not dying. I'll have to remember that the privacy screen isn't totally soundproof.
"I promise I'll take care of him but he's not going to know it's me. He won't even know who really owns the company. As to who else is on the list, well, apart from the obvious, there was that guy Ryan Dunbrow who bragged to Perez Hilton that you made out in tenth grade and that douche Dylan Richardson who said you and he dated in eleventh grade and that you 'had really soft lips'. Mother fucking cock sucking scum bag."
"Well they were jerks so they can stay on the list." After a beat she twists her ring and holds it up to admire it. "You did such a good job on this. It's literally perfect, exactly what I would have picked out myself." I grab her hand and kiss it.
"It actually is perfect. It's flawless, colorless, and cut by the best diamond cutter in the business, flown in from Israel just for this ring. Worth every penny too. I am proud as fuck to see you wearing it." Her voice grows soft as does her touch, that feminine pull, administered so delicately but with more power than any force on earth.
"I love it. Love it. And I'm even more proud to wear it. Thank you, Christian." I know I groan when she presses those soft lips to mine and even though I know the divider isn't soundproof, I just don't care.
"Our tent is set a bit away from everyone else's." She pulls back and looks at me strangely.
"Why?" Isn't it obvious? I grab the back of her head and kiss the shit out of her while she strokes me over my pants as if we're teenagers.
"Because it would be really weird if my brother heard me fucking you. Oh shit! Elliot's going to find out before Mia. I need to call her, do you mind?" I'm already reaching for my phone, when she takes it from me and hits the 'Facetime' button.
"She'll care more about the ring than she will about the engagement. Trust me on that." Mia pops up then, clearly still in bed.
"Hi, Christian!"
"What the fuck are you still doing in bed?" She turns a dark shade of red and Ana shoot me a look that could kill. Oh my god, disgusting.
"Do you really want to know?" Before I can say no, scream no actually, a male hand raises up and waves and then flips me the bird.
"That had better be Ethan!" She giggles and turns the phone down to his ugly face, pressed into the pillows and half asleep.
"I'm going to kick your ass for that you jerk off." I'm half kidding but he mumbles something I can't hear and then flips me the finger again.
"What's up big brother? I don't think we've done this since I was in Paris and you were grumpy all the time. Is that Ana? Hi, Ana! Are you guys going camping? By the way, total bull shit that you didn't ask us to go! What? Hold on...Ethan... what...he did? Why did you say no...really...oh my god, I'm so glad you said no then, boy are you guys in for it." So fucking annoying.
"Ana and I have some big news." She shuts up, momentarily I'm sure, and stills the phone which had been shaking on her knee. Ethan sits up and the asshole is shirtless. I'm not sure how I feel about this. She's an adult, I can admit that much but to know she's having sex? I need to have another sit down with Mr. Kavanagh, make sure he knows just what will happen if he hurts her.
"Christian? Earth to Christian."
Mia sings, waiting. I might stay in this moment with her a bit longer for no other reason than she's finally quiet and I know I'm pissing them both off. "Put a god damn shirt on, Kavanagh!"
"Christian!" Ana swats at my arm and leans in to apologize. The fucker just laughs at me though. Maybe I should have the entire security team sit down with him. Or better yet, have Ray's guy sit down with him...
"Holy shit get to it! What the hell do you want to tell us?" Snap out of it, Grey.
"Last night Ana and I decided to get married!" I expected her to scream like my mom did but instead she just sits there silent while Ethan congratulates us and teases Ana on becoming the old ball and chain. I'm just waiting for Mia to say something, anything.
"Mia?" Ethan finally asks, looking at her. Her cute little face scrunches up and she bursts into tears. And I mean bursts into tears so hard he takes the phone and holds it for her while she sobs into her hands, her eyes staying open and on me over the phone.
"Shit, are you alright, Mia? Do you need me to come there?"
"The ring, let me see the ring." She hiccups and gasps while Ana holds her hand up with a smug, 'told you so' look on her face. "It's amazing. This is amazing. Oh my god, Christian, you're good, you're doing really really good. I'm so happy for you guys."
"You sure? Because it doesn't seem like it right now." I'm still unsure about her reaction but Ana seems to understand so I go with it. It's kind of hard to stress out when the love of your life presses her sweet soft body against yours and caresses your arm over and over.
"I'm great. I…for so long I…I'm so…I love you so much and now you're getting married…I'm just so…ecstatic for you!"
"She's relieved, Christian." Ana whispers in my ear and suddenly I get it. I've spoken to Mia a number of times since I told her what had happened and the worry was obvious in every conversation we'd had. Part of her must still be worried I'd remain in my isolated world, that the damage was too great for me to overcome.
"Mia, I'm good, really good." Ethan just looks at her and rubs her back. I guess he'll have to learn someday if he becomes part of the Grey family. Since he's a damn shrink there's no way she can hold it from him forever, I bet the schmuck knows something already. "We've only told mom and dad so don't say anything to anyone, ok, sweetie?"
"I won't. It'll kill me but I won't. Ana?"
"Hi Mia!" She bursts into tears again even harder this time.
"I always wanted a sister!" And then Ana bursts into tears next to me. Ethan and I exchange a look and an eye roll and hang up the call.
"I'm getting an entire family. I didn't even think about it but I'll have siblings now." My heart just may explode with love for her. It is entirely possible to die from loving someone so much, I know this because I'm almost there.
"And we'll have our own family too, don't forget." She stops crying, pulls her head back and sits up straight.
"In years. Many years. I'm not about to become Mrs. Grey and mommy in quick succession." Sure, baby, whatever you say. But I took you from shy innocent virgin to sex crazed fiancée in less than four months. You'll be pregnant in no time.
"We'll talk about that when you're not snotting on my shirt. Seriously, get a tissue."
APOV
By the time we get to the head of the trail I've learned a bit more about our security. All of our friends were required to be hiked in by 11 this morning so that when we got there, everyone would be in place already. Kate and Elliot have security around the clock already but tonight their CPO's will be in trees. That's right, you heard that right. Trees.
Because even though we're hiking in and camping in a location off the trail with no one else around, there is a mile wide radius around our site which is being guarded over by six different locations of tree stands, manned by two armed security officers. Everyone is equipped with a gun, a scope, and night vision goggles. They will work in four hour shifts until we hike out tomorrow at precisely noon and then will dismantle the stands, returning the woods to the way it was.
Sawyer either was wrong or misled me too because there isn't twelve CPO's, there is fifteen. FIFTEEN. Two will rotate guarding our tent while another will walk the perimeter of the immediate camp site.
"I thought there was only going to be twelve of you." Taylor pulls his pack from the trunk and swings it on, untangling the strap from his gun holster and shooting Christian a look. Oh great.
"There was a direct threat to me on Friday from an unidentified person."
"A direct threat?" Why are we here then? He shrugs on his back pack and tucks his cargo pants into his hiking boots.
"Ticks, Ana. Tuck in your pants. A direct threat is no different than the hundreds we get every month except that the threat offers a bit of either personal or private information that leads us to believe that the threat is more viable than others."
"And this one said…?" He cracks his neck and motions for me to start walking. I will when he starts talking. He huffs out and puts his hands on his hips. Damn he's fine.
"Walk." I obey.
"It mentioned the license plates of all of the cars I use and listed the VIN numbers as well. It's more likely nothing but someone who takes the time to learn that information is already crazy. How crazy is what Welch and Taylor get paid big bucks to find out."
"Maybe we shouldn't drive them then, I mean, what if someone plants a bomb?" I'm about to freak out. Truly freak out here but he just scoffs and puts his arm around my neck to pull me along.
"It would be an act of God for someone to get close to one of our cars. That's why Taylor sat in it at Whole Foods. Anywhere we go the cars are guarded and a scan is run from an off-site software Welch had Barney created which can read any mechanical device not originally on the car at purchase. We're good. Now let's go, I hear Kate's a real riot."
I couldn't care less about getting to Kate. I've seen her in the wilderness. Well, if you call the back yard of her house wilderness but still, grass isn't something she's overly fond of so I'm sure the woods is the last place she wants to be right now. What I care about is watching Christian Grey in hiking boots and a tight white t-shirt treapsing through the woods with a backpack and bottle of water. Holy smokes the man is on fire he's so damn hot.
By the time I hear the group he's sweating enough to have a few damp spots on his shirt. I'm damp in other places watching him.
"Ana!" Lisa comes barreling over and hugs me, the smell of beer already on her breath. "I'm so glad you're here. Jose and Rachel will not stop touching, Kate is about to die of…fresh air or something and Devin can't do anything yet because he doesn't feel like his 'Bear Grylls mojo' has arrived yet. Hi Christian."
"Lisa. Good to see you. Are you drinking already?" She grins and nods slowly.
"Just one beer so far but I've got a shit ton left to go, one of your guys had to bring it in on a quad. You want one? I brought craft beers my ex left at my house. They were the only things he really wanted back."
"Ed? The guy that cheated on you with the stripper?"
"That's the one! So after I lit his shit on fire in front of his house he followed me to mine and stood outside yelling for his beer until I tossed one from my second story window down to him. And by tossed I mean aimed at his head as hard as I could. Came this close to knocking the fucker out. Turns out, the beer wasn't so important after all."
"He cheated on you with a stripper?" Christian dead pans.
"Named Candy." True story.
"Ouch. Yeah, I'll have a beer." And just like that the CEO is gone and a 29 year old arrives. Elliot comes over and shakes his hand pulling him in for a quick hug like he said he'd do every time they saw each other and then gives me a quick kiss on the cheek before taking my bag.
"Your stuff's over here, the crew set it up when we got here. Pretty nice digs there, bro. I'm surprised Gail isn't behind you with a mattress and a shower."
"Fuck off, Elliot. Take these and put them in the cooler."
In the center of the site is Kate, sitting on a camp chair looking as comfortable as a woman in labor. "Hi Christian, hi Ana." She rises, walks to me and grabs my arm so hard I wince. "Get me out of here." She whispers so hard she sprays spit.
"Wha? What? You planned this! And stop spitting, it's gross."
"I know I planned this and now I want to plan on getting out of here. I've already gotten a mosquito bite and I swear I felt a spider on my leg before."
"Kate, it's the woods."
"Enough with the sarcasm, get me out of here now. You owe me, Steele."
"I owe you? This was your idea!" She looks over at Christian who's squatting by the fire pit with Jose working on getting a fire going.
"Yeah, it's because of me you're with that fine looking man. Damn, he makes sweat look good. Anyway, if it weren't for me you'd still be in that apartment reading some lame ass book about 18th century romance so get me the fuck out of here. Oh hey baby, just catching Ana up on our plans for the day."
"Right, Katie. And 'get me out of here' is part of that plan?" She squeals when Elliot hoists her over his shoulder and then smacks her butt. "You're going to toughen up if it's the last thing you do!"
In the corner of the site is Devin, dressed in fitted jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt that reads, in glitter of course, 'Gay the Bay'. He's sweeping, with a large branch, a circle in the dirt and muttering to himself.
"Hi Dev."
"Oh hey, Steele. Nice of you to finally join us. Meanwhile, I've had to deal with Private Benjamin over there all by myself for two hours. Is he…is he spanking her?" I turn just in time to see Elliot smack her ass again, laughter bellowing out of his chest. "Oy vey, those boys are going to kill me. Kill me! Would it be too much to ask him to spank me too? Oh hey there, Christian. You spank too?" Christian chokes on his beer and then coughs.
"Well good Lord, you don't need to go all Puritan about it. I was just asking. You can't walk around and ooze sex and then expect people to not ask about it. I mean, damn, everybody knows that."
"What does your shirt mean?" Christian asks, lifting the beer to his mouth and grinning down at me when he's finally caught his breath. Our money is on Devin being the first to notice my ring.
"Oh who the hell knows but it says gay in glitter and well, that just sold me right there."
"Devin what the hell are you doing?" He stops and looks at me, shaking his head and rolling his eyes like I'm an idiot and then resumes his sweeping.
"Making a dance floor of course. Duh." Oh, right. A dance floor. In the woods. And then it happens. He stops, turns, closes his eyes and extends one hand towards me. Christian tenses and smiles next to me, ready for the onslaught. "OH MY GOD ANA STEELE IS THAT A RING I SEE ON THAT FINGER AND HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THAT!"
Birds fly from their nests, deer run far away and the entire security team lifts their guns to their sight line.
"Yes." I croak out.
"Oh my Cher! Oh my Eartha! Oh my Enrique! You're engaged! To him!" He points and jumps up and down, bouncing like a kangaroo until he's right in front of me. Everyone has come over by now including Elliot who just stares at Christian and then pulls him by the arm into an embrace.
"Congratulations, bro. I…I'm speechless."
"For once!" Kate offers before hugging me and crying. Jose gives both of us a hug as well and over Rachel's shoulder I watch while Christian Grey, who couldn't even let me touch him a few months ago, accepts an embrace from a man he once hated. My baby has come a long way.
"Details please!" Christian looks smugly from me to the crowd of friends gathered around and shrugs.
"I've had the ring for weeks, Elliot can confirm that but I've been waiting for Ana to tell me she was ready. Turns out, she was ready last night when she asked me to marry her which quickly turned into me asking her so I guess you could call it a mutual proposal."
"Well I'll be damned. Good job, Grey." Jose kisses me on the cheek while Rachel, Lisa and Kate fawn over the ring. Devin just stands there patiently until the fanfare has died down and then lifts my hand, squinting his eyes and turning my finger this way and that.
"Ana, you need a manicure. I don't care what time you did all this engaging or how badly you wanted to celebrate it but when you're sporting a piece of art, you frame it well. You are lucky I have my manicure kit with me, we'll deal with this before dinner. Shameful, absolutely shameful." He brings the ring close to his eye and stares before starting a banter with Christian who waits as anxiously as I do for what he's got to say.
"Three carats?"
"Three point two."
"Asscher cut?"
"Yes."
"Flawless?"
"Of course."
"Damn right, of course. Color grade?"
"D." Devin drops my hand and waves his in the air.
"I approve. Welcome to the family, we only accept the rich and the good looking. You qualify." Devin reaches his arms out to hug him but Christian hesitates.
"You wearing glitter? Or that gold paint shit?" Devin huffs and rolls his eyes.
"No and it's called shimmer. Body shimmer. Only skinny white chicks wear glitter." He pulls away and hugs me, whispering into my ear, "I love you, sweet girl. You deserve every happiness there is." And then dabs at his eyes, struts to the fire pit and yells out, "Now who's on lunch duty? This queer is hun-ga-ry!"
"That would be you." Rachel chirps.
"Oh, right. Let me just get out my spread here. Lisa, come along and help me. We're a couple on this trip. Oh don't you act like you don't want some of this when the sun goes down. Oh! You want to be funny and pretend to gag, you just wait until"
"OK! I'm begging you not to finish that sentence." Elliot roars and arranges the makeshift table and chairs so that we can all sit around the campfire. I laugh when Devin puts out plates of shrimp cocktail, California rolls and a fresh green salad with chunks of salmon.
"Woah. This makes our hamburgers and hotdogs look downright shameful, Katie."
"Well my mama said, just because you're camping doesn't mean you have to slum it."
"Your mama said that, Dev?" Kate mumbles out around her shrimp.
"Or me. Or Paula Deen. Or that guy who founded LLBean. Who knows. Anyway, I've got some Prosecco in that cooler there too, I'm not sure if the bubbles made it or not, that buffoon named Lars, you heard that right, Lars, bounced it around the entire hike in."
"Why isn't Casey here?" Devin howls and slaps his knee, choking on his California roll and grabbing Christian's beer to swig. Christian looks, eyes wide and then motions for Lisa to get him another.
"No need, nobody ever caught being gay."
Christian barks out a laugh of his own and pushes the bottle back at Devin. "I'm not afraid of catching the gays but I make it a habit to swap spit with one person at a time."
"Oh now that is just gross." Lisa groans and hands him the beer. "He was especially fond of this brand. Look at the name. Candy striper. Play on words? I think not the piece of shit."
"Would you puhleese let that go, Lisa Ann Badlecki. He had a terrible haircut, hair on his ass and a small dick which according to you he didn't know how to use other than to plug up strippers."
"Hey, I've got hair on my ass." Whines Elliot from across the pit.
"Yeah? Well take care of that shit. Kate shouldn't have to deal with that kind of undergrowth. As to Casey coming camping. He makes Kate look like a damn Boy Scout. I swear that man was cringing just watching me roll up my sleeping bag. And they think he's the masculine. To that I shout ha ha! I'm as manly as they come!"
Jose stands and stretches, looking right at Devin who is focused on his salad. "Anyone up for chopping some wood for the fire tonight?"
"Not me sugar plum, I just had a paraffin a few days ago."
Twice now Christian has attempted to pull me into the woods but I am far too aware of our eyes in the sky and remind him every chance I get. "Safety or sex?" has become my motto of the day so when Rachel suggests we go swimming he jumps at the chance and changes in rapid time.
"Nobody will even know I'm fucking you out there. Come on, get changed." Is he freaking serious?
A short hike later we're all in a freezing river splashing around like children when he pulls me from behind into deeper water and begins to lick the back of my neck. No matter how many times I swat him away or try to push him off of me he holds fast, one hand always on my hip, the other across my waist.
"I promise it'll be quick and no one will know. Come on, my dick is freezing in this water, I need to thaw it out in that hot little box of yours."
"Box?" He laughs and slips my bikini bottoms to the side, sinking one finger in as far as he can with a groan.
"It's so warm in there, please, baby, let me just stick it in."
"Christian," I whimper, ashamed that I'm even allowing him to do this much with people less than thirty feet away, "Stop." He withdraws immediately and moves in front of me, resting his hands on my shoulders.
"When we get home, you'll pay for that denial." Grey eyes filled with mirth blink and then disappear under the water, surfacing next to Elliot who he dunks under and then starts a game of football with. By pay I hope he means the playroom because I could go for a little of that right about now...
When Jose joins in the rest of us sit on the shoreline and watch. I've never noticed Jose's body before. It's nice. Come to think of it, I'd never really noticed anyone's body before. Was I really that sexually unaware?
"God he's so hot." Rachel fans herself and winks when I catch her eye. Jose? Hot? I tilt my head and check him out again. OK, I'll give him hot.
"Devin!"
Elliot motions for him to come out and toss the ball around but instead of moving Devin yells back, "Paraffin, remember?" We all strain to hear what he's muttering about as he watches but I only catch a little. "...got a penis you must love football...I like balls alright just...think I heated that wax for nothing...smooth as glass..."
Christian carries me, piggy back style back to the campsite. He stays in the back of the pack, no doubt so nobody can look at me in a bikini with my legs wrapped around him.
We had big plans for a hike, even went as far as getting our boots and clothes on but then we all just…sat. And sat. And sat. Shockingly, it was Kate who broached the subject of doing something first.
"Are we going to hike or what?"
"Do you still want to? I'm kind of enjoying relaxing right now." Elliot looks good 'relaxing' in his chair, shirtless in a pair of jeans and boots. He's stretched out in the sun, face tipped up towards the sky with a beer in one hand and a hot dog in the other. His body is amazing, I'll admit to that much but I do prefer the leaner lines of Christian.
"I do, I want to see the view from the top of the mountain." Elliot pops one eye open and taps the top of her head.
"You're cute, Katie." And that was the end of that discussion.
I've sprawled out next to Rachel on a big blanket to read a book when Christian comes over and lies next to me, asking if I'd had enough to drink today.
"Yes, why?" Rachel stands and walks to get herself a drink, thank god, because he embarrasses the crap out of me with his next question.
"Because you haven't peed once and that means you're not drinking enough. It's almost five in the afternoon."
"Oh my god! For your information, Sargent Pees a lot, I went in the river! My liquid intake is just fine. Grown woman, remember?"
"Soon to be husband, remember? Don't take that tone with me, Ana. I'm concerned for your well-being."
"I'm sorry if I upset you but you monitoring if I'm peeing enough? Hard limit." He huffs out and lays on his back, crosses his arms over his face and mumbles to himself something about errant wives and stockades. Five minutes later he's snoring. I resist the urge to dump a cold drink on him and kiss his abs instead. Mine, all mine.
"He is so hot, Ana. I'm so pissed he doesn't have another brother because seriously, if the Grey's all come out looking like him and Elliot I want in on that shit."
"Lisa, they're adopted. You know this."
"Adoptedsmopted. They're hotter than fuck and I want in. Tell the parents to adopt a 25 year old doctor, nationality not important. I don't even care if he speaks English so long as he looks like one of those. I mean, damn!"
When I stand to get dinner started I have to bite back a laugh. All of the men are snoring in whatever position they sat or laid in while the women fuss over fluffing sleeping bags and organizing the food. Jose wakes up in time to help me shuck the corn and boil water but by the time everyone else gets up, dinner is ready to be served.
"Timed that perfectly didn't I?" Christian teases with a smack to my butt when I bring him his plate and a cold beer. "Looks awesome, baby."
"Where's my broccoli, Katie?"
"You don't get any."
"Why? I love broccoli." Elliot is sitting in his chair, hands up holding a knife and fork, perplexed and on the verge of upset.
"Because you are vile when you eat broccoli. Vile. And I'm not sleeping with you if you eat it." Everyone breaks out into laughter but Christian stands and reaches for another ear of corn, waving it in Elliot's face.
"She's right. I'd forgotten about that. Elliot Smelliot! Holy shit how could I have forgotten about you and broccoli. Have you given him asparagus yet? Or even better, raw carrots?" I'm dying watching him, bent over with tears streaming down his face he's laughing so hard.
Elliot stands and helps himself to a big spoonful of broccoli and a smile. "It's a tent, Katie, it's like a built in air vent. You'll be fine. Remember when we'd do dutch ovens to Mia, Christian?" He can barely speak he's laughing so hard. "Or the time you and I ate nothing but beans and hot dogs for two days before we drove to Grandpa Grey's house in Spokane? Man I thought mom and dad were going to pull over and make us get out on the side of the highway."
"Elliot Smelliot." Christian squeaks out one last time before collapsing into his chair and wiping his eyes on his sleeve. "Oh my god, Smelliot. I've got to call Mia."
Devin shakes his head, waving his fork around without looking up. "Why does it always come back to potty talk with you heteros?"
Once the dishes are cleaned up and Kate's distributed the ingredients for s'more's we settle in with drinks around the fire. I've missed this. Ray and I used to do this all the time when I was younger and even a few times last summer. I need to reach out to him more and pull him into my new life more. I feel badly that I've been so self-consumed that I've forgotten to call him more than once a week.
"Alright, so in the spirit of Ana and Christian's engagement, let's go around the group and give our best marriage advice. I'll start."
"Kate, you do realize nobody here is married, right?"
"Doesn't mean we're stupid. My advice is to never go to bed angry."
"Cliché!" Shouts Rachel. "My advice is to decide on the big stuff before you marry. Kids, house, long term goals."
"Boring!" Shouts Elliot. "Sex. Lots of really great sex." Kate smacks his chest. "You think I'm kidding but I'm not. Guys are simple. Let us relax with our friends once in a while, feed us and let us fuck you. We're good to go."
"Lame!" Lisa interjects from her chair. "Find a hobby that both of you can do together but that neither of you know how to do now. Learn it together."
"Cheesy!" Jose interrupts. "Travel together often. Keep things interesting by experiencing new things."
"Whatever!" Devin huffs. "If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. Kegels."
"True!" Shout Elliot and Jose. Devin just sits there and nods in his typical, 'I know it all' manner.
"So, Rachel, any word on when you're back on duty?" Lisa leans back and nurses her beer, mindlessly kicking dirt onto the fire while she waits for her marshmallow to burn.
"About six weeks. From the little I know we're, my partner Wendy and I, are going somewhere else in the Ukraine." I don't miss the look of panic that crosses Jose's face nor do I miss the way she slides her hand into his to comfort him.
"Another trafficking ring?"
"I can't discuss details obviously but that's the unit I work in so you can safely assume that has something to do with my new assignment. We don't get too many details before hand, more often than not nobody knows the details until we get there and infiltrate."
"What do they do with the women they rescue?" Devin asks.
"It depends largely on the country. Some are better than others. Where we do most of our work there are basic counselling services but most of the time they're sent to halfway houses around the country or back to their families. The success rate is low, once you've been a part of that world and used so many times you begin to believe that's who you are. No matter how many times they hear otherwise, they almost all have a hard time believing that they have a worth outside of their bodies. It's the rare few who break away from that cycle completely."
"How? Who are the ones that make it out?" Christian asks casually, sipping his beer but I hear the unasked question. What's the secret to overcoming sexual abuse. I resist holding his hand and drawing more attention to him. My eyes meet Elliot's whose are focused on Christian from across the fire. He looks sad and pissed.
"The ones who accept the help, embrace it, allow themselves to fall apart and get rebuilt. The ones who choose to get well are the ones who do best. It's a gross oversimplification but in many ways a simple truth. Finding that strength to make the choice though? That's the hardest part. And the kids, the kids bounce back. They're not the same person they would have been before hand but they do as well as can be expected in a shorter amount of time."
Christian knocks back the rest of his beer and reaches for another, taking a few sips and then standing to relieve himself somewhere in the woods. "You need to go?" He leans down to ask when he gets back, holding his hands up in surrender. "I just don't want you tripping over something in the dark."
"I'm fine for now but thank you for asking, I appreciate it."
"So, Devin, what made you want to work with trauma victims? Kids no less. You and I should hook up and talk at some point." Rachel leans over and hands him another chocolate bar but he waves her off and pats his stomach.
"In fifth grade I knew a kid who was being abused by his step-dad. Not sexually but physically and verbally. As kids we didn't know how to help him so we just talked about how we hated his father and pretended not to notice when Mike would show up with new bruises or if he was absent. But one day, we were in Earth Science and he lifted his sleeve to scratch at an itch and I saw all these little lines, scabs I guess, from his wrist all the way to where his sleeve was pushed up."
"He was cutting himself?"
"Yup. Took three days for me to figure it out and let me tell you, I was so upset I threw up for two days straight. He refused to talk to me about it, absolutely refused and then he stopped talking to me altogether so I thought, if I want to help him, I need to learn how to talk to him. So I immersed myself in every psychology book I could find, which mind you, in fifth grade is just about bubkiss, and just saturated myself with the way the mind works and the way abuse victims internalize more often than not and then I tried again with him."
"He was still not receptive to talking about the cutting but he would start talking about the abuse and once he started, he didn't stop. It was like a waterfall of hurt and it totally overwhelmed me and drowned me. I was the only person he'd talk to and I couldn't handle it."
"I tried, I really did but eventually I brought him to our school counsellor who was also not equipped to deal with what Mike told her so she called in the districts psychologist and only then did I feel like he had the help he needed. Of course, him being a minor they pulled him right out of that home and I didn't hear from him for close to ten years."
His silence isn't meant to be dramatic, it's reflective and because we all see him serious so infrequently we wait with baited breath for him to continue.
"He'd moved to a small town in Montana and met a nice girl, got married but decided against kids. Was too afraid to fuck them up because as far as he'd come, as much distance as he'd put between himself and that asshole, he was still cutting. Just nicks here and there but enough to get some of the pain out."
"I couldn't help but think that if someone had been there to help him as a child, he'd be able to be pain free and have a good, full life that didn't include cutting himself. I was already studying psych, I just changed my focus to child trauma and here I am."
"How do you cope with that shit man? I'd go fucking nuts if I heard some kid tell me about being hurt." Elliot stands and shoves his hands in his pockets but avoids looking at his brother. "I just don't get it, you know. How an adult could harm a child like that. It floors me."
"Me too, some of the things you come across in this line of work will make you question if there is a god and other things will make you pray to him. I cope by talking to a therapist and by being as open as I can. I have found that the more myself I am, the more honest I am with who I am, flaws and all, the less I hold onto the hurt I have for others. Couldn't tell you why that is, it just is."
"Cheers to you, man. Thank god for people like you and Rachel." Elliot walks around and clinks bottles with everyone, hitting Christian up last. The mood is heavy as we all sit around the fire quietly, no doubt lost in our own thoughts about the injustices of the world.
And then something touches Kate and all hell breaks loose.
"Holy fuck! It's a snake! I know it's a snake! Oh my god, Elliot get me the fuck out of here, now! Oh my god, is there something on me?" When he ignores her to keep laughing she comes to me and shakes her head in front of me. "Ana! Is there? Is there? Do you see anything? I swear something fell on my head."
"Kate," Devin dead pans, "drink this and shut the hell up sweetheart. You're embarrassing yourself. Now where were we? Oh, right, Truth or Dare."
"Uh, we were so not about to play that." Lisa pipes up, halfway in the bag, a bottle slipping from her grasp onto the ground beneath her chair.
"We were and we are. Now of course I'll go first since I'm the most honest. Elliot, what was the first thing you thought of when you saw Kate? And where was that anyway?"
"Truth? I thought, 'I have got to fuck those tits'." Everyone except Kate laughs. "And then I thought, damn, that's the girl that's going to steal my heart and make me an honest man." At that she smiles and hands him another beer before sitting on his lap. "We met at a job site. She came to interview me for the local paper, something about eco-buildings in Seattle."
"Well done, now you ask."
"I ask…ok, who's it gonna be? Jose." Jose's eyes grow big. "Have you ever been involved in a threesome?"
"Oh my god, Elliot! His girlfriend is sitting right there!" But Elliot and Rachel laugh and wait for his answer for very different reasons.
"No. I know they say it's every guys fantasy but it's not mine."
"Well it certainly is mine. Throw me some Casey, a side of James Franco and a dash of this goodness and I am good to go! You are crazy, Jose."
But Jose shrugs carelessly. "I wouldn't know what to do with myself. Honest answer. My turn now, right? Alright...Elliot."
"What the fuck! I just went!"
"And now I get to pick who I want. Have you ever been involved in a threesome?" Oh shit Kate is going to kill one or both of them. Elliot just tips his head back and laughs loudly, bouncing Kate on his lap.
"Well played, dude. Well played. I will take a dare on that one."
"The hell you will." Kate retorts.
"Kate…if he won't answer you've got your truth already. I want to see him streak. Naked baby!" Lisa slurs, reaching for her beer again before closing her eyes.
"OK, one, Kate knows the answer already and two, I want a dare so long as the guys in the trees aren't going to shoot me dead."
"Sing. Stand up and come up with a ballad for Kate right now and sing." And shock to all hell he does it. Lifts her up, sits her down and turns towards her. More shocking is his voice, deep and strong and really really good.
"Kate, don't hate me tonight
I can't stand to fight
But you're my girl now and always will be
So don't get mad that I ate the broccoli!"
Everyone erupts into applause including Christian who laughs again. This is the most carefree I've seen him and I can't take my eyes off of him. I just want to be touching him so I stand, wrap the blanket he brought me around my shoulders and sit on his lap, resting my head against his strong, hard chest.
"My turn. Christian, what was the first thing you thought of when you saw Ana? Which, by the way, I still haven't been thanked for. Did you know he was pissed, like super pissed he had to meet you and bring you to that club with us?"
Christian looks mad but I already figured that much out once I got to know him more. Anything outside of his routine and outside of back ground checks would have pissed him off. I knew I was a surprise but he chose to stay that night so obviously I didn't irritate him.
"It's fine, Christian, I knew that already. But what did you think?"
"Truth? I thought, 'Is she a screamer'?" Elliot stands up and high fives him, laughing so hard he spits and chokes. They're all drunk and stupid.
"My turn. Elliot."
"God damn you guys! I've gone twice already!"
"And it's so much fun watching you nail your own coffin shut. Did you or did you not want to be Vanilla Ice when you were in Junior High and did you or did you not shave your eyebrow to mimic his?" He barely gets the last part out before wheezing into another fit of the giggles. Elliot bends so far over he almost falls off of his chair but then he gets up and raps the entire first verse to "Ice Ice Baby" much to everyone's delight.
"I did. Totally did. Had the Cavaricci's and the box haircut to prove it. My turn. Ana." Oh shit. "So are you? A screamer?"
"Game over!" Christian shouts, all humor gone but Elliot doesn't relent.
"Dare." I say but Christian doesn't like the turn this has taken at all. I guess talking about other peoples sex lives is ok but not ours. I can understand that but this game is way too fun to stop now, plus he's the one that brought it up. He sits back down and glares at Elliot who from this vantage point, doesn't give a shit.
"Dare huh? OK, I dare you to sing Amazing Grace."
"NO!" Yell Christian, Devin, Kate, Jose and Lisa who has decided to wake up and join us again. "No singing from Ana. The trees will fall over dead in agony, your entire security team will need to be replaced and there isn't enough booze in the world that's going to make that dying cat sound tolerable."
"Devin!" He waves and rises.
"Just telling it like it is. Now who wants a pot brownie? You heteros and your vanilla sex bores me."
Three hours, countless laughs and three not-pot brownies later Christian and I stand to go to bed, stretching and bending. He's clearly pretty buzzed but manages not to stumble on our way to the tent. In typical Christian Grey fashion our tent is the best money can buy. He tells me with great pride that we could take this thing to the top of Everest if we wanted to. OK, buddy, maybe next time.
Before we go in we brush our teeth with cups of water and bank the fire. I have to pee. Badly. Have for close to an hour but after the show Kate put on, I'm not letting anyone know I'm afraid to walk into the dark. But there is no way I'm going to make it to dawn so I grab the roll of biodegradable toilet paper and hold it up for Christian.
"You need to pee, baby?" Oh my god, he makes even that sound sexy.
"Yes."
"Come on, I scoped out a good spot for you earlier." I find that strangely sexy. At the tree he's chosen he takes the toilet paper and tears off a good wad, crossing his arms and waiting for me to go. This is so...intimate.
"Uh, turn around."
"It's pitch black out here, Ana."
"Then it won't matter where you're looking. Turn around, please."
"Fine, but I can't help but think if you were more comfortable at home doing this in front of me that doing it now wouldn't be holy shit! What the hell did you drink? And my god you piss like a race horse! Shit, be careful of your shoes. Damn, no wonder you always did this in private, this is amazing!"
"Where are you going?" I bark out, trying my hardest not to giggle at his tirade while trying to keep my balance.
"I love you but I don't want that on my shoes. Tell me when you're done. Actually, I'll know when you're finished it's so damn loud."
"Paper! And shut up!" One hand reaches back, his shoulders rising and falling with his chuckle. Once I'm dressed I jump on his back without warning and smack his butt. "Carry me to the tent."
"You buried the paper?"
"Oh my god." I mumble into the divide of his back. Oh, I like this, the feel of his back muscles shifting against my face.
"Home sweet home. Get in the sleeping bag and take your panties off. Now I know you're a screamer but I don't need anyone else knowing so be quiet."
"You're off your rocker if you think I'm doing it with everyone a few feet away."
"Literally." Says a voice from the dark corner nearest the door.
"What the fuck, Devin!" Christian turns on the electric lantern to find Devin snuggled up in my sleeping bag, eye mask and white gloves on. "What are you doing in here?"
"Isn't it obvious? I'm sleeping. If you think I'm sharing a tent with a drunk manhater when you've got silk sleeping bags, you are out of your damn gourd. Now don't be acting like you were going to sleep in separate bags anyway, we all know that's a bold faced lie. So you just get in your bag and keep your privates to yourself until you get home."
"Get out." Christian says good humoredly but Devin just snuggles in deeper.
"What are you wearing on your hands?"
"Oh these? These are second skin gloves by Borghese! They keep my hands soft and supple."
"Out!"
"Oh fine, fine, I'll go sleep with Lisa 'I can't get over a guy who thought wearing a bandana was cool' Badlecki but I'm taking the sleeping bag with me."
"Looks like you'll be snuggling with me after all, Ms. Steele." Turning my back on him only adds fuel to his fire and gives me a case of the giggles. He's sniffing and nuzzling my hair like a dog and doing all he can in his drunk state to push my yoga pants down. And just as I'm about to relent so that I can go to sleep, we hear a grunt. From Jose.
"Oh Sweet Lord in Heaven please tell me that was Elliot and the broccoli!" Devin yells from his tent. Everyone falls apart in a fit of laughter reminiscent of summer camp and when things do finally quiet down Elliot pipes up.
"Nope. But this is!"