APOV
By eight o'clock Monday morning we had a date, Saturday, September 24th, and a honeymoon destination that I'm not allowed to know about. All I'm told is that Gail will pack for me, I'll need very few clothes since we'll be doing 'it' a lot, and that I'll need three weeks off from Steele Translations. Efficiency has a name and it's Andrea March.
"I'm taping the wire right over the ring so that you can feel it. This will be the last time you take it off, do you understand? Never again, Ana." I stroke his stubbled face and lift it to mine so that I can kiss him.
"I understand."
"35 days." All I can do is smile. "Once we're finished here we'll head over to your new office and meet up with Barney to get you all set and running. I can't stay, I've got a noon meeting with my legal team and then a lunch appointment but I'll meet you at the apartment at five to go over the list of wedding planners Andrea came up with. We can meet with whomever we choose tomorrow before work."
I have no idea what that means since what I want doesn't really need a plan but I go along with him anyway. As someone who grew up wealthy he has no idea that most people do this part on their own and while I appreciate the numerous calls Andrea made to get meetings so quickly, I already know I'm not hiring anybody.
His hands alternate between tapping his knees, running through his hair and squeezing my thigh.
"Christian, don't be nervous. It's going to be smooth just like last time. She was nice and respectful and if anything meeting with her solidified how I felt about myself." His arms drop to his side and he rests his forehead on mine, puffing out a minty breath of air on a sigh.
"I know. You may have to tell her a little of what's going on to gauge how far we can go with this. If it turns out she's got no way to get in with Elena then we need to stop this and chalk it up to a waste of time."
"I'll steer the conversation, don't worry."
Right before Taylor drops me off in front of the restaurant Christian kisses me again and then holds my face. "You're not friends, just remember that. This is not chit chat get to know you time. This is business."
Instead of Prescott and Sawyer, Ryan and Reynolds along with some chick I've met once, Dottie or something are sitting at tables surrounding the one I'm seated at. Taylor is again outside but inconspicuous and once again my phone is on the table ready to be flipped over should an emergency arise.
At exactly 9:30 Lillian walks in and sits down, handing me a long small wrapped box. Immediately Ryan stands to take it but I pull it closer and smile. "What's this?"
"A gift from the Stiletto Mafia to you. Actually, it's from Elena, kind of a welcome gift. I've had it for months but I didn't want to overwhelm you since you're so new to all of this." She giggles. "And I forgot it last time. I'm sorry, things are just so crazy at the office that little things fall through the cracks."
The waitress comes and takes our orders, pancakes for me and an omelet for her. Both of us get coffee and a mimosa. What I'd really like is a whiskey.
"So, this party on the 10th. Whose idea was it?"
"Elena's. When the rumors came out that you were pregnant she had a coronary. Called all of us up, blew up the online message board, I mean, she went bonkers. It bothers her that you didn't come through her. I'm not sure if it's the money she lost out on or what but in any case, she's trying to get in your good graces so she thought we could throw you a welcoming party. We try to get together as a group once a year so this was a good reason. I tried telling her you'd be with Sir on a Saturday but she forged ahead anyway."
"I will be. With Sir." I stammer out. In Rome. Engaged. "Lillian, how did the dossier work? Was it a hard copy or what?"
Her head cocks to the side a bit taken aback by my out of the blue question but she answers anyway, tapping her light pink fingernails on the table.
"MmmMmm. No. Well, yes there is a hardcopy but only the one. Once you pay the $5k you're given thirty minutes to read through it in the office and make a decision. Honestly, mine was made up the minute I opened it and saw his picture. The man is fine. Anyone that said no to that face would have been a fool. I asked one of the girls if she knew of anyone who had refused to meet with him and she said no and then laughed. Nobody would say no to him."
"And did she have you sign NDA's before viewing it?"
"Not that I recall. I signed one when he and I started but that was the only one." My anxiety begins to skyrocket running parallel with the fury I feel towards Elena.
Stay focused. "So you saw this at the office for this…side business she runs?" She nods. "At the salon?"
"Yes. In the back of Escala there's a hallway that you go down and her office along with the training rooms are there."
"Training rooms?" My stomach drops and my hands start to tingle. Out of the corner of my eye I watch as Dottie presses her ear piece and lowers her magazine a bit to look at me.
"Yes, just two of them. Before she refers you out to anyone she or her assistant conduct a session to see how compliant you are and to make sure that you're not completely naïve. No sex or anything, at least there wasn't for me."
"Her assistant?"
"Mmmhmm. I can't remember the guy's name when I was there but I know for Kate it was an Issac and now she's got some woman. Penny or Pamela or Perry. Something with a P."
"Are there other rooms? Or just the office and the training rooms?" The waitress lowers our breakfast to the table interrupting our conversation. The smell of eggs exacerbates my anxiety which in turn spurns the low ache of a migraine and the roil of nausea. I have not missed this feeling.
"No idea. I've only ever been in those two areas. Why?" She takes a bite of egg and I take a bite of pancake to buy myself some time. It sits in my stomach, hard and heavy.
I shrug casually and cut off another piece that I have no intention of eating. "You mentioned that I could sign with her once my current contract was terminated. I'm a preparer…"
"She really is the best in the area. There's another good Dom a lot of subs use as a reference but he doesn't run a connections board, only Elena does that. Nowadays you can go online and find someone but she's done the vetting so it's safer. You can trust her you know?" Trust Elena? I almost spit out my coffee on a laugh.
"If I had a friend who was interested in finding a good intermediary, a submissive who was trained already, could you hook up a meeting between she and Elena?"
"Sure! She'd need to come up with the five thousand though."
"Not a problem."
"What does she look like? That's the first thing Elena will ask me." Shit! I have no idea what to tell her since we don't have anyone yet. Shit shit shit!
"Let me talk to her and make sure she's really interested and then I'll give you details. How long would it take to get an introduction?" She swallows and dabs at the corners of her mouth, reaching for the gift box I've ignored for twenty minutes now.
"Depends on her schedule. With Elena, money talks so I'm sure she'd make herself available. Aren't you going to open this? I'm dying to know what it is."
Ryan, Reynolds and Dottie are so tense I can feel their nerves but when Ryan puts his hand on the gun hidden beneath his shirt I realize the seriousness of their jobs. They really would shoot someone for me. It's humbling, empowering, terrifying and comforting.
With shaky legs I stand and reach for my purse, purposefully leaving my phone so as not to trigger my CPO's. "You open it! I'm going to run to the bathroom, you go ahead and see what it is, I'm not big on gifts anyway."
"You sure? I'm a sucker for small boxes." She winks, the guilt in my belly sinking like stone.
"Positive." Logically I know there isn't a bomb in there but Christian's got me so damn paranoid that I almost dive headfirst into the first stall to wait for the explosion. Dottie comes in immediately after me but says nothing. When she presses the small speaker into her ear I know it's safe to come out.
"Here you go, I hope you like it, it's really very beautiful though I'm perplexed as to why she'd give this to you and not Sir."
In the box is a silver choker style necklace. Each end connects to a small silver locket shaped like a heart. Two small keys are tucked into the corner next to a small flash drive. I know what the necklace is for but my brain is malfunctioning. I see Ryan speaking softly into his watch, hear the clatter of the diners around me, smell the coffee the waitress has just topped off. But I'm floating above, watching from above what's happening in this small café. She's done it again.
"Has he collared you?" Lillian seems confused and lifts the necklace out of the box, turning it over. "He said he'd never do that. Oh wait, there's an inscription here. One of many. Number 16." Her brows come together, clearly puzzled by the gift. She looks up at me, notices my ashen face and drops the chain back in the box. "Ana, are you alright?"
"You said this was from Elena?"
"Yes. She gave it to me a few months ago to give to you when I met you." Her voice is soft but hesitant, her hand resting on mine to comfort me. I'm literally gagging on my own spit right now in an effort not to throw up. "You're worrying me sweetie. Here, drink this." She shoves my water into my hand and lifts it to my mouth. I swallow the drink like a child.
"What is the significance of a collar?"
"Wow, you really are new to this." It's not said maliciously or meanly but it strikes at me in just the right way.
"Yeah, I am. So what's the damn significance?"
"Woah, sorry. When a Dom collars a submissive it shows a deeper level of commitment. It means you, as the submissive are in many ways a slave to your Dom and a lot of the time it's to signify his, or her ownership of you." She pouts her lips and looks at it again, muttering to herself, "It really doesn't make sense that she'd be the one to give this to you."
"And one of many?"
"Well...I'll be frank." She shifts a bit in her seat as she tries to find the right words without sounding like a bitch. "It sounds like a dig. It sounds...personal. I mean, I knew she was upset that you didn't go through her and she's got her theories as to why but...maybe Sir would know why she'd send you this."
"Stop calling him that." She snaps her head back and widens her eyes, clutching her coffee mug. "Please. Stop calling him that, please. Mr. Grey is better but I can't hear you call him Sir anymore."
"Oh sweetie," she places one hand over mine again, "don't get too attached. It happens, especially with your first Dom and definitely with someone like Si, Mr. Grey but take it from me, do not get too attached. Save yourself the heartache. I have seen almost everyone of his subs do the exact same thing you're doing and it does not end well for them."
"I'm not his sub." She purses out her lips trying to figure out what I mean. "I'm not anyone's sub. I'm not a submissive at all." Slowly she pulls her hand away and sits back.
"I don't understand."
"I'm with Christian. With him. We're getting married." Her brows knit again for a few seconds and then her hand flies to her mouth and covers it, eyes as big as saucers as she watches me struggle to untape the ring without disturbing the wire. Finally I unhook the necklace and let the ring slide off, pushing it onto my finger and laying my hand on the table. "Engaged."
"Oh boy." She breathes. "You…you're serious. This isn't a joke or something?"
"No. There is nothing funny about this."
"I...we...I mean, we knew there was something more than what we had with him but Elena told us that he was trying to please his parents and pander to the press." Her voice drops to a whisper, her eyes glued to my hand. "She said that's why you were chosen, because you were so new to the scene that nobody would link you to the lifestyle and subsequently link him. You're saying...you're saying that's not true? She said he told her that right before their rift..."
"She lied to you. She set you up to get to me and used you to piss off Christian." My voice is flat and emotionless.
"The website. Oh my god the website." Her hand covers her mouth again, her other arm crossing under her breasts to hold herself. "The NDA. The things we wrote...you...oh my god, I'm so sorry."
"You didn't know. I believe that. You truly were set up by Elena Lincoln. She used you, put you in situations that forced you to compromise the NDA so that she could try to undermine what Christian and I have. I didn't hire her as an intermediary because I didn't need to. We met organically and in a non-sexual setting, something she knows nothing about. And for weeks she harassed me and harassed him, going so far as to spread lies to the media and threaten to out him because she was pissed that…she lost out on money." I almost, almost said what she was really mad about.
That she had lost him and the control she had over him. The money was secondary to that I'm sure of it. What scum like Elena crave is power and control and he'd been stripping her of it little by little for months. But when I came along, something snapped and he cut her off completely. If she couldn't control his bedroom habits, then she had nothing on him. Not one thing except his secrets.
"So, the website, the things we wrote on there?"
"Never saw it, never read it." She exhales and stretches her neck back in obvious relief. "Christian has, he's not too happy with you all right now but he knows that you were used, played like a pawn in her pathetic little game. She lied to you. All of you. The fee for his dossier? Totally illegal and nothing more than a way to get more money from each of you. She and Christian have an iron clad NDA that prohibits her from even saying his name in public in any context outside of their business relationship with the salon. And that $25k she said you needed to pay to contract with him? He didn't even know about that until you told me."
Her mouth opens in a gape, those pink fingernails digging into the flesh on her upper arms. "But the car, the gifts, the apartments! She said that money was like an investment, that he'd cover it and then some."
"Lie. He did all of those things because he's kind and good and generous. He knew nothing about the money. $30k of your money, gone, for no reason."
"Thirty five thousand," she whispers, eyes downcast into her coffee cup.
"I'm not counting the initial fee to get on her roster. I don't know enough about how that works which is why I'm laying this out for you now. Can I trust you, Lillian? Like, really really trust you?"
One hand covers her eyes, the other presses against her heart. One look at her and I know she's shocked at what I just revealed. Hang on there, girl, there's more!
"Yes. You can. But first, Ana, I need to apologize. I…we…none of us had any idea you were…together. I mean, we found it strange that he was going out in public and being affectionate but when you told me you were new to the scene I just assumed he figured he didn't need to be so careful because nobody would tie you to BDSM and it matched up with what Elena had said. Honestly, we were told you were a sub, that Si, I'm sorry, Mr. Grey had spoken to Elena at some point and confirmed it and that we were to reach out to you per his instructions and follow normal procedures. Oh my god, what a fool. I'm so so sorry."
"I forgive you. I'm sure one day Christian will as well but right"
"He knows? Oh my god! He knows about all of this?" She whips her head around expecting to see him. When she looks back at me she's red with embarrassment. "Of course he does, how stupid."
"He knows. He's the one who went onto the website. Any interaction you've had with me on there, is actually with him."
"The NDA's."
I nod slowly. "Yup, the NDA's."
"The site, for information sharing...she lied about the site being his idea too then? Oh my god." This time I take her hand.
"He's not going to do anything about that but the site will be permanently shut down within the next few minutes I'm sure." Ryan shoots me a look and pushes against his ear. Oh yea, I'm sure Mr. Grey is having a tantrum to end all tantrums right now.
"I need more information. The dossiers, is there anyway it was released? Anyway an electronic copy is out there?"
"I don't think so but I don't know for sure." Her eyes shoot over to the open box and land on the flash drive. "I would bet dollars to doughnuts you've got a copy of it right there." I wave her off and plow ahead.
"The diary. Of your…exploits with him." Both hands cover her face and she leans forward. "Lillian, it is what it is. You didn't know but now we need your help. Where is it? Was it just one or were there a few? Where did she keep it? Was it digital or hand written?"
"I'm so sorry, Ana."
"Forgiven. Now help me. Please."
"Right, sorry. She had a laptop in that office I told you about. After our bi-weekly spa treatments she'd walk us in and go into the safe and plug in an external hard drive. She'd find the document, enter our weekend experiences as we related them to her and then she'd save the document, ask a few questions and then put the hard drive in the safe under her desk. That's also where she kept the dossier."
"There's a safe?"
"There was. I mean, I can ask Kate, she was the last to sub for him and it was less than a year ago so I can ask her."
"She can't know why."
"I understand but why the urgency? None of us will ever say anything, we're not like that and if that's what he's afraid of, he can put that to rest. He was good to us."
"I know that and he knows that. His concern doesn't lie with you and the other girls." That familiar roil of my stomach comes back again at the mention of girls. 'One of many. Number 16'. Focus, Steele! "We have reason to believe that she may be involved in some illegal activities outside of running what is essentially an escort service. I'm not asking you to do anything but help us get someone inside." Her shoulders square and her body shifts in the chair.
"If there's something illegal going on in there and your name is discovered when they bust her..."
She hesitates only a few seconds and nods with determination. "I'll do it. We'll play it up like she's an old friend. If you want an immediate in to her inner circle than you need someone with experience and someone who can at least pretend to want the really hard shit. Those girls are hard to come by and are always Elena's favorites because she can demand more money from the sadists who are looking for masochists."
"Talk me through it. If I get someone for you, walk me through the process." Anxiety is replaced with excitement.
"I'll go over it with Kate to ensure things are the same but I'm pretty sure they are. She'll be interviewed by Elena in the office. She'll need to answer questions as to her hard limits and be able to provide a reference from a Dom. She'll be assessed physically. Height, weight, coloring, the whole nine yards and she'll be required to undergo that inspection nude. Then she'll be sent for a physical which will include blood work and a gynecological exam and if she passes all of that, she'll be brought into a training room and put through the paces. If she's stated that she likes the hard stuff, she'll most likely get whipped or caned, maybe electrically prodded. Elena doesn't participate in blood play so that's not a concern and she doesn't do needle suspension or fire play." What. The. Fuck?
How the hell are we supposed to find someone who can pull this off?
"What, exactly, do you think she's involved in?" I hate to manipulate her, I do. I hate to instill fear in her, but the truth is actually kind of scary for her as well.
"There are some indications…that…" I hesitate to mention the underage boy. It would be the equivilant of dropping a bomb on her lap and then telling her to remain calm. "I'm not entirely sure but I do know that there are government organizations looking into certain practices of hers. Our concern, outside of stopping her, is that when she's taken down that sensitive information on every person who's ever been under contract with her would be exposed."
"Mr. Grey included." She breathes, a glazed and faraway look in her eyes. "And me. And the girls. Holy shit." Without looking she lifts her mimosa and downs it, banging the crystal on the table with a heavy hand. She looks at me directly in the eye and blinks.
"I'm not ashamed of being in the lifestyle. I know some people who are but most aren't. It's society who has the problem and the cold hard fact is that we'd be judged unfairly. Jobs are at stake, relationships, family ties. That information is sensitive and private and as much as I'm comfortable with my sexuality and my choices, I don't want my dad reading about it."
"Nor does Christian. Will you help? She lied to you too, Lillian. She took your money, she gathered very detailed and private information on your sexual interactions," at this she gasps, the thought that the diary kept track of what she did as well never crossed her mind apparently, "and all of that could come to light if we don't get in that safe."
"Just tell me what to do."
Ryan stands then, my cue to end the conversation but I need to anyway. I need to just be with Christian right now. "We'll talk again in a few days. Until then, just please, I'm begging you, say nothing to anyone. Talk to Kate as nonchalantly as you can and find out if the protocol is the same and find out about the diary and the dossiers location. I'll be in touch next week."
She stands and hugs me, eliciting a near attack from Reynolds who puts his arm out between us. Lillian jumps back with a shriek but I put my hand up and giggle. I can't help it.
"It's fine, it's fine. This is Brian Reynolds, he's my…body guard."
"He was here the whole time?" I'll skip the part about Ryan and Dottie for now. As subtly as I can I grab the jewelry box and pocket the flash drive. Only she and I know it's in there and I'd like to keep it that way.
"Lillian, I like you. I know that may sound strange considering you've slept with my future husband but I do. And I want your help."
"Outside of being insanely jealous that you get to spend the rest of your life with that man, I like you too." She smiles and reaches to hug me, eyes on Reynolds the entire time. "Tell him I'm so sorry to have fallen for this crap and I'll do anything to make it right." She looks a bit shell shocked but smiles anyway, doing her best to process everything I've just laid out for her.
"I will. I'll see you next week." On my way out I turn with one last thought. "Do me one favor though?"
"Anything."
"Go to Esclava right now and tell Elena in private that Christian and I are getting married. Remember every detail and tell me how it goes." She smiles a wicked smile, the first hint at anything other than kindness and nods.
"It'll be hard not to kill the bitch but I'll do it. I can't wait."
This time there is no walk to the car, it's double parked outside with the back door open and waiting for me. Inside Christian is in a panic, hair a total disaster, face streaked with red from his hands running over it so many times. His tie is on the floor, his suit jacket is off and his shirt is half out of his pants.
I'm sure he can feel the flash drive in my shorts pocket against his hip when he pulls me against him and crushes the air out of my lungs but he makes no move to touch it. Instead he buries his nose in the crook of my neck and tangles his fingers in my hair.
"I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry. I can't believe she sent you something. I'm so so sorry."
"Christian. I'm fine. I'm fired up and itching for a fight but not with you. I can't, don't, and won't hold you responsible for her evilness. I'm ok, you're ok, we're ok."
"On some level you must hate me. At the very least you have to resent me." My fingers brush his jaw, pulling his face closer to mine.
"No, I don't. I'm proud of you. I hurt that you hurt and I'm angry that you were abused but I'm so very proud of you." The tension remains but his grip loosens enough for me to shuffle to the seat and buckle myself in.
"You're proud?"
"Insanely."
"Where is it?" I hand him the closed box and he opens it, reads the inscription with obvious disgust and tosses it to the front where Taylor and Prescott are.
"Destroy that."
The lines of his face are as tense as I've ever seen them no matter how many times I squeeze his hand or smile at him. There are no words that will comfort him or reassure him and for now, that's ok because I know something that will.
"Do we have time to go back to Escala? Just for a few minutes?" His eyes flash, hunger replacing fear, lust replacing sadness.
"A few minutes, Ms. Steele? You wound me." I giggle and lean in, pressing a kiss to his neck.
"Just take me home."
Before the elevator doors slide open my shorts and panties are off and his pants are around his knees. He doesn't bother to take the vase off of the table in the foyer, instead he lays me down next to it and thrusts in, eyes on mine, hand on my heart.
"Please say we're ok."
"Cameras…aren't there…cameras…"
"Taylor turned them off remotely from the car. Tell me, Ana." He thrusts, the tension in his shoulders giving way to a tremble that has nothing to do with stress.
"We're great. Oh god…good…yes…yes…so good…so unbelievably good," and then he comes, his eyes still on mine, his lips pressed into a thin line. He reaches between us and uses his thumb on me until I gasp and cry out his name, my fingers digging into the flesh of his shoulders. We stay like that, boneless and silent on the table in the foyer until the tightness of his back gives way to the familiar strength that I've come to know so well.
"Thank you, baby." He kisses my nose and I giggle because it tickles. "Oh shit. You tighten around me like that again and we'll never make it to work."
Sitting up he hands me my clothes and takes out his hand kerchief, wipes the table down and then enters the alarm code on the keypad.
"You know," I say with a grin, "I thought hand kerchiefs were useless until I met you." He grins back, walks to the garbage and throws it in.
"They pretty much were until you started attacking me for sex in random places."
"Me? Attack you? Random places?" In the bathroom I shock him by going right to the toilet and sitting down with a shrug. "Hey, you want to marry me, you marry all of me."
"Well after the woods and that spectacular display I'm anxious to see what else you can do." With folded arms and a wide stance he stands in front of me and waits.
"OK, you need to leave."
"What? Why?" He says incredulously, his arms dropping.
"Because I'm getting stage fright. I guess we need to be in the woods. Go." He rolls his eyes and walks out but doesn't shut the door.
"Damn," he yells from the bedroom, "what did you drink this morning? Shit, if they handed out gold medals for peeing, you'd win. Hands down." I smile, yeah, we're going to be just fine.
"Hello everyone! How excited are you right now! Missy, welcome back, what do you think?"
After a quick embrace she hands me my coffee and stands next to Eliza who is holding a notebook and a small screwdriver.
"Amazing. I mean, it took an act of congress to get up here with all the security measures in place but other than that, this is amazing. I've got my own office and you've got a real team in here to hook up the machines that we own and nobody knows how to work."
"Barney said he'd give us all a lesson on each one before he goes. He's getting your computer hooked up to the network right now and some guy named Richard is in Matt's office doing his." Eliza bounces on her heels, dabbing flavored lip gloss onto her mouth. Devin's been here obviously.
"Ladies, good morning." Christian appears then, seemingly happy with the levels of security it takes to get to me in the building. Seemed a bit excessive to me but I won't complain. Who cares about an extra three minutes when it makes the man so happy?
"Mr. Grey, Sir, good morning." Barney walks in, corduroy pants three sizes too big bunched up around his waist and a Snoopy tie on. Christian nods and runs one finger over his bottom lip to hide the smile when he sees the tie.
"How are we doing, Barney?"
"Good. The mainframe is up and running and the network is as secure as GEH's. I've got Ms. Steele going and Richard's finishing up Matt's computer. I was hoping to get Eliza to help me with hers instead of having to hack through passwords like we had to do for the other two."
"You hacked into my computer?" He shrugs and motions for Eliza to follow, turning in the door frame as an after thought.
"In less than thirty seconds. Congratulations by the way." Christian nods and takes Barney's outstretched hand. Eliza looks between the two men and then at me. Missy walks over and lifts my hand up, waving it in front of her face with a laugh. Even then it takes Eliza a few seconds to catch on.
"Oh my goodness! Well, you certainly had a good weekend! Geesh, you could signal Mars with that thing." Her giggle turns into a snort before she hugs me and stops, awkwardly reaching for Christian before he shoves his hand out, stopping her from hugging him. "Congratulations, I'm so happy for you both." He smiles and turns to me, raising one brow instead of making a snarky comment.
"I'm going to head over to my office. I'll look out the window and wave when I get there." Warm hands cover my cheeks and slide into my hair to pull me close. "Thank you, for this morning and for the detour." He kisses me and then waves at Missy before following Taylor to the door. Oh yea, I just had sex with that man.
"How was the honeymoon? Any babies yet?"
"That would be a big huge hell no. Neither of us even wants to talk about babies. We had a great time. Shit! I forgot to thank Christian for our gift, think I can call him?"
"What gift? The card with the check?"
"No, he did a whole spa day and then dinner at the resorts best restaurant. Truthfully, it was the best day we had there. I could live that life no problem. You, my friend are a lucky girl. Now let me study that rock!"
A cup of coffee, a shit load of excited screeches and a lesson on a scanner machine I'll never use and I head into my office. It's been decorated, cleaned, set up and filled with fresh flowers. In my pocket the flash drive is burning a hole into my skin. I have a pretty good idea what's on it and I know there is now way he'd be able to not look at it. The last thing he needs is a reminder of his past in color. There is no good that can come from reading the diary or looking at pictures and I'm sure there's no evidence we could use against her on here. She's a bitch but she's not stupid.
"Barney, do you have a hammer somewhere?"
"Uh, sure, here." Without looking he hands me a hammer and then resumes his conversation with Eliza about the differences between Ewoks and Wookies and whether or not Lando was a hero or not. I vote yes and leave the room so they can enjoy their nerdom together. In the hallway I pause and cock my head to hear Eliza laugh. Eliza and Barney?
In my office the flash drive is forgotten momentarily while I bang out a text to Christian on the matter. He responds with a question mark.
-Eliza and Barney, do you think they'd be a good match?-
? Are you really asking me this?
-Yes!-
Barney is a good match for any female who he can fuck.
-Christian!-
Tell him to get his shit done and get back to GEH.
A second later another text comes through from him.
Unless he's fucking her, then he can stay. God knows the boy needs it.
After running back to sneak another peek at them, still laughing about who knows what now, I close my office door and pick up the flash drive. In my closet is a steel safe bolted to the floor. Once I've got the drive where I want it, on top of the steel, I smash that sucker to bits.
Sawyer, Barney, Richard, Missy and Eliza run in when they hear the banging and watch without a word.
"You ok, Steele?"
"Fine. Barney, is there any way this drive could be salvaged at this point?" He leans over and raises his eyebrows.
"Uh, no. You killed it."
"Perfect. Back to work! Missy, we have a call at three with a small company in Bahrain."
When they go I gather the pieces, sweep them into an envelope and place it in my purse. Good riddance.
CPOV
Frenetic would be the best word to describe my mental state while sitting in that car listening to the conversation this morning. I thought I was going to throw up when Ana told Lillian to open the box and frankly, I could have strangled her for that.
I could hear the hurt in her voice, could actually feel it in my chest like a lead sinker that just dropped the bottom out of my stomach. The problem with these meetings is that because Lillian is in the dark, or was, there is no way to predict the flow. Now that Ana has so efficiently taken care of that issue, surprises like that last one will no longer be a problem.
"Sir." Taylor marches in, the slight elevation of his color my only indication that something is going on.
"Would you please excuse me gentlemen, Anne, I'll be right back." In the privacy of his security suite he hits a button on his throw away cell.
"Go ahead."
"We've made contact."
"And when will we know if it's effective?"
"He's got an appointment scheduled for six pm today with his attorney."
"We'll speak when we know something then." The call ends and Taylor slips the phone back into his pocket. "Call Sawyer and tell him. I'll tell Ms. Steele tonight if he changes his plea. I do not, under any circumstance, want her knowing more than that."
I don't care how much that will piss her off. If this should ever be a legal problem, I want her as far from it as possible. Today is a day of legalities. Carla Adams has officially signed off on her statement and has officially been granted her freedom. She'll be released tomorrow at nine am. I'll have a car waiting for her.
In my office the attorney's for GEH drone on about a deposition I'm scheduled to attend sometime next week. I've got no dog in this fight though so while they go on about limiting our media exposure I smile to myself. When the planned pictures of Ana wearing the ring hit the internet tonight, the last thing anyone will care about is this lawsuit. Hell, I don't even care about this lawsuit.
On my way to lunch my father calls to ask if I'd come by a little early tonight to help him with something. I wanted to just pick up Mia and go but I can swing an extra 15 minutes. Which reminds me to firm things up with Elliot. It's a little strange to be going out with just my brother and sister but it's even more strange that Ana, Kate and Ethan are going out now too.
At first I bucked against the idea of her going out to dinner with Ethan Kavanagh and she let me go off about it for a minute or so and then raised her eyebrows at me.
"Christian. You're being ridiculous again." I was and I knew it. I'm still not happy about it but I'm nowhere near as heated as I would have been a month ago. Still, I make sure Sawyer knows to keep an eye on the guy and then call ahead to the restaurant to make sure they're seated in the middle of the room so that Sawyers presence isn't conspicuous.
Sometimes, being me is awesome.
My team in Japan informed me this morning that the spill has been cleaned up and that there is no long term damage to the sea life in the area. I'm sure I overspent to ensure it was done right and thouroughly but I'm a sucker for the environment. And I really need to avoid negative press right now in Asia.
Purchasing two manufacturing plants and two ship yards is a huge gain for GEH and in the long run will create hundreds of jobs here in the US but all anyone Stateside hears is that GEH, an American company, is doing business in China and taking away US jobs. The statement is inaccurate but public opinion is huge when you're a privately owned business. Keeping things as quiet on the Asian front is imperative right now especially since the first half of the deal should wrap up in Rome.
Today feels like a day of productivity. Lillian, Hyde, Japan, Ana's office, Carla. All things I can check off my list. Hyde being the biggest one of all. I have no idea what was used to persuade him or if he'll even change his plea but I do know that he's a walking target in the jail.
Word gets out that you're a rapist and suddenly hardened criminals want to kill you. And that's what he is. Nobody has come right out and accused him of that but I've seen those tapes. Those women may have gone there willingly but they were not an active participant by the end.
He claimed it was all consensual of course. Rough sex with a little bit of 'the lifestyle' mixed in but I've seen some hardcore BDSM shit in my day and what he was doing to them was not BDSM. Nor was it consensual. He was violent, hateful, and malicious. Sadistic. And he wanted to do that to my girl. If I could I'd kill the fucker myself.
At home Gail puts out some cheese and crackers with a bottle of champagne. I've got just about zero interest in planning a wedding so whomever Ana chooses to plan it is fine by me. My job, the way I see it at least, is to hand over the credit card, show up, say I do and take her out of that white dress.
God, I can't wait. 35 days. Elliot's already hounding me over the bachelor party but there is no chance I'm doing anything cliché. If I had it my way, I'd stay in and fuck my fiancée but seeing as she's not invited, I'll settle for dinner and drinks. Maybe even a round of golf but he can bug off if he thinks I'm doing the stripper thing. Not happening.
"Hi, baby. The wedding planner Andrea liked the best will be here soon. Are you changing or are you wearing jeans and a t-shirt to dinner?" Ana's sweet voice cuts through the silence in the penthouse. I used to live like that. Utter quiet. I fight back a shudder and wrap my arms around her warmth, planting a noisy kiss on her before releasing her with a smack to that fine ass of hers.
"We're keeping it casual. Mia wants to go to Outback Steakhouse. I'll take the girl anywhere in the world, anywhere! But she wants some onion thing that only they have so Outback it is."
"The blooming onion. It's awesome. They have really great pumpernickel bread too." I give her a quizzical look. "I had a friend who worked there in college. She'd bring home the leftover bread at night. Poor college kids you know?" And even though I know she wasn't actually starving, the idea of her suffering in anyway sends a flash of pain through my chest.
"I have something for you." On the table she tosses a small, lumpy white envelope. When I tear it open fragments of metal and a flattened, no beaten, flash drive falls onto the table with a clang.
"What is this?"
"A flash drive."
"I can see that. Or it was at least. Why do I want this?"
"You don't. I debated even telling you about it all day but ultimately, if I require full disclosure from you, I've got to give it as well. That, was in the box with the necklace." My stomach drops out, ice flooding my veins and pooling in my gut.
"Elena gave this to you?" She nods but she's smiling. She looks…triumphant. "What was on it?" I know what's on it. I'm sure I know what was on it. I'm going to be sick. If Ana saw pictures of me...from before...with other women...
"I have no idea. I took it out of the box, brought it to my office and destroyed it. I'm tempted to mail it back to her but I don't want her to think I give a shit. Because the truth is," she walks to me and swings up on the counter, pulling me between her legs and the tiny white jean shorts we argued about her wearing this morning. I lost. "I don't care what's on it. It makes no difference to me, it has no effect on our life or my opinion of you. I made it was it is, garbage."
A bit of the ice melts. "So you didn't look at it? Load it up? Plug it in at all?"
"Nope. Not even tempted to. You are not that man anymore. You are good," a tender kiss to my forehead, "kind," another to each cheek, "loving," my lips, "generous," my ear, "sweet," my jaw, "funny," my neck, "and well hung." She giggles and sucks on the pulse at the base of my throat. It's wild and fast as the blood in my body rushes to my groin.
Taylor enters then to announce a Marcus Smith, the wedding planner. I've got a rager that could double as a sword so I step back to adjust myself and help Ana down from the counter, pleased when she squeezes her thighs together. I'd hate to have been the only one affected.
Marcus is surprisingly not gay which immediately makes me dislike him. How do I know he's not gay? Because like every other guy within sight range of Ana he eye fucked her the minute he walked in the door. I'm a man, I know the way a man looks at a woman when he's mentally having sex with her.
He'll be going with Ana to dress fittings, cake tastings, florists. And frankly, I don't need to deal with that shit right now. We're five minutes into our meeting when Ana tells a joke that I don't hear because I'm so focused him, slowly closing the distance between his body and hers.
He laughs and puts his fingertips on Ana's arm, a move he's lucky I don't kill him for. Instead I stand and pull her up and under the cover of my arm, shaking his hand and walking him to the door so fast that Ana has to run back to get his phone.
I'm a work in progress.
She does her best to smooth things over while we wait in the foyer for the elevator but it's tough when I stand there glaring at him with my arms crossed.
"Thank you for your time, Mr. Smith." Is all I have to offer him as he steps onto the waiting lift, the doors smoothly sliding shut. Hands on her hips my little firecracker turns and fights a grin.
"Normally I'd be mad at that and embarrassed by that over the top ridiculous jealousy but even I found him a bit...creepy." Feminine softness presses against me, the icy rage melting away immediately. "You wanted to hit him."
"Yes. He was all over you."
"But you didn't. You didn't even verbally assault him." Her face tips up to mine, the green depths of her eyes pulling me in. "I'm proud of you." I snort.
"Proud? I just wanted him out of here."
"Well I wanted to talk to you about something anyway."
"What now? Shit, you got any more secrets you want to toss at me today?" She giggles and jumps into my arms, wrapping her legs around me. I've got to leave for my parents now but I can give her a few minutes on the couch. That damp heat pressed against my stomach is going to kill me though.
"I don't want a wedding planner."
"What? Why?"
"We don't need one. It's a waste of money." At this I laugh. A waste of money. I could shit money for the rest of my life and not come close to running out. Which reminds me I need to get her on all of my legal documents immediately and grant her POA and make her the executor.
"We've got more money than some countries, waste away."
"OK, so that was a bad reason. But what we talked about takes very little planning and truthfully, I kind of want to do this on my own." She rushes to add, "With your help of course." No thanks, that's quite alright.
"Ana, do what you want. But running a business and planning a wedding take up a lot of time. Time I could be spending with you."
"I'm going to try it on my own and if I find it too difficult, then I'll call Marcus."
"Or not."
"Or not. Fine, I'll call a woman."
"Just make sure she's hot. And not a lesbian." Her eyes roll, she stands, I swat at her ass and then chase her into the bedroom just so I can watch her change into a pair of jeans and a fitted old U2 t-shirt. I don't know why but it turns me the fuck on to see her so casual. She's stunning.
On the way down to the cars she tells me the lamest joke known to man, both of us laughing at the sheer stupidity of it hard enough that she doesn't notice we're exiting through the front door instead of the garage. When the cameras go off her hand automatically lifts to her face, the ring reflecting the sun and catching the eye of every reporter out there. I use the word reporter loosely.
"What the hell?" Within seconds we're back inside the lobby, her face beet red, steam coming out of her ears. "You planned that."
"I did, but hear me out. I wanted them to get a natural shot and I didn't want them to freak you out so I figured four seconds of that shit was ok."
"You planned that! For real?"
"Yes." And because I'm not going down alone I point to Taylor and Sawyer. "They did too and so did Debra and Angela in PR."
"You planned that and let me go out there in a ratty old U2 t-shirt! You fucknut! At least tell me to put on a decent shirt!" Both men snicker as quietly as they can in the corner.
"Did you…just call me a…fucknut?"
"Yes, I did. Fuck. Nut. You owe me, Grey."
"What'll it be? What can I do to even the score?"
"Tomorrow night," she looks at the men who turn and walk towards the garage, "you have to serenade me by playing the piano. I miss hearing you play."
"Deal, I've already got a song in mind. Come on, I'm sure they've uploaded a picture already. You can look it up on your phone on the way to dinner."
Outside of my parents house two bikes are leaning against the garage, Sigg water bottles tossed on the grass next to them. I'm absolutely sure Mia hasn't taken up any sort of physical activity recently so the owners of said bikes is a mystery to me until I walk into my dad's office.
Sitting across from him are two young boys, probably around 17 or 18, reading what looks like a legal draft. Dad stands and takes off his glasses, tossing them onto the desk before shaking my hand. I point and question what's going on with my eyes. The kids look up and offer a polite nod and then resume their reading.
"Christian, this is Shane and Sam Fredericks. They live down the street and have expressed an interest in practicing law one day." Awesome. Why am I here?
"Nice to meet you both. Couldn't have a better teacher."
"Boys, take a break." The boys stand and walk from the room, one of them pushing the other in the hallway before the front door opens and slams behind them. When I pick up the documents they were reading I'm surprised.
"You're giving them active cases to review?"
"I was thinking of hiring them to help me. Maybe even bring them to court with me so they can see everything first hand. I asked them to read over that witness's testimony because I'm going to base my argument on whatever they think I should."
"Are you insane? Have you lost your mind? They're kids!" Both of us look out of the window where the twins are wrestling in the grass. "You're serious? These kids? You're going to base your case on what Tweedledee and Tweedledum out there come up with?"
"Yup."
"You've lost it old man. That's totally irresponsible! How old are they anyway?"
"Fifteen."
And then it hits me like a ton of bricks. Fifteen. Kids. I was a fifteen year old kid and this is his way of making me see the difference between what I thought I was and what I actually was. Both of us stand in silence, staring at each other, a current of something I can't identify heavy in the air.
"Well played, old man." My voice betrays me. While it sounds strong and sure, inside I'm crumbling. Carrick Grey knows it too because he doesn't laugh, doesn't say anything else, doesn't look away. He just walks over and hugs me.
At first it's suffocating, the flats of his hands are on my back and though I'm doing much better with that, I'm by no means cured. There's no burn this time, just an unbearable pressure that I want to run from but I can't move. My arms hang limp by my side but he pulls me a fraction closer to him, forcing me to embrace him back. After a few seconds he grasps my shoulders, pulling away from me so that he can look me in the eyes.
I've never noticed how old he's starting to look. There are creases at the corners of his eyes that I don't remember and a few darker spots I'd not seen before. So many years wasted. So much we've missed out on. He says nothing, just lets me go and walks to the door while I stand there staring out at the boys in the front yard.
"Oh, and Christian." I turn, expecting him to get emotional and not at all prepared to deal with it. "That's a fake statement. I'm not stupid enough to give 15 year olds an actual case."
"Huh." Is all I've got. In the yard the boys wrestle until Gretchen walks out with milk and cookies. I scoff. Milk and cookies. No doubt a ploy to highlight just how young they are…because they really are young. Was I really that young?
Sometime, between watching them shove food in their mouths like animals and Mia shouting my name from the foyer it happens. Total acceptance. I really was a victim. I didn't seek Elena out, I didn't choose any of the things she did to me. I was nothing more than a kid that she groomed for years.
I've heard the statement, 'knowledge is power' more times in my life than I can count. And in this moment, in the quiet of my father's office, in the safety of my parents' home I know that it wasn't my fault. It wasn't my shame to carry or my cross to bear.
And somehow, in that final moment I accept what was done to me and let the vulnerability of a four year old kid and a 15 year old adolescent wash over me. The pain is deep and raw and sharp but with it comes a power that only the truth can bring. It's ironic really, that when I allow myself to feel the most vulnerable, I also feel the most powerful.