Author's note: I am terrible at describing clothes so pictures of that kind of stuff (and some hot sexy stuff too) can be found on my pinterest page, address on my profile page. Thank you all for your encouragement and enthusiasm for this story, it's humbling and inspiring!
APOV
"I gave my dad a hug today." My hand stills in his hair, his breath pausing between my breasts where his head is lying. The sweat has dried and our heart rates are back to normal but as usual, we can't pull ourselves apart.
"You've never hugged your dad?" I feel his lashes blink shut, the arm wrapped underneath me pulling me closer.
"I kind of did when I told my parents about Elena but it was forced. When my grandfather died I did. Kind of, I guess technically it was more of a pat and there was one time when I fell off my skateboard when I was nine and chipped my hip bone. He picked me up and I grabbed him because I was going to pass out."
"Is that what that little scar is from?"
"Yup. Fucking Elliot. My dad ripped him a new one over that. It was the most anxious I've ever been in my entire life. Doctors and nurses, x-ray techs and anyone else who felt like it had to touch me for hours. My mom did her best to make sure I had a shirt on and that no one came near my chest or back but it was unavoidable at times. It was the last time I cried until you left me." My hand pauses again and my heart drops.
"You cried?" He sighs and tightens his arms even more.
"In the bathroom against the wall like a little bitch."
"But I didn't leave you," I say softly, my fingers resuming their trails. He sighs and turns to kiss my sternum, settling himself.
"I know. But it felt that way at the time."
"I'm so sorry you were sad, Christian."
"I brought that on myself, Ana. I willfully withheld information from you and invaded your life in ways I shouldn't have. You leaving that night, it was painful and horrible and torturous but it was one of the best things that ever happened to me."
"How so?"
"It forced me to look inward for the first time. Really look inward, not just scrape at the surface. I had to get real with myself that night. I loved you but I thought that for you to love me was such an impossibility that I was trying to control everything in your life and mine so that I always had the upper hand. That night forced me to choose, I could either keep on with the controlling suffocating way I was accustomed to, unable to believe that you would stay on your own volition, or I could learn to start giving up some of that control and trust that I had something worth staying for. Flynn calls it my 'aha moment'."
I laugh and squeeze his face to me. "How's that working out for ya? Giving up some of that control?"
"I hate it!" We laugh and shift so that we're on our sides, face to face. "I love this. Laying here with you and just hanging out."
"Forever, Christian, we get to do this forever." His face breaks out in a huge grin, that smile I love so much lighting up his face even in the moonlight.
"Unreal. Blows my fucking mind, Ana." He settles one hand under his temple and leans on his elbow, tracing the outline of my face with one finger to tuck some hair behind my ear.
"So, your dad. Tell me what happened." He huffs and lies flat on his back, his right hand finding mine under the sheet tangled around our waists.
"He brought some kids over and fed me some bull shit story about how he was using them to help him run a case. They were 15. I saw them. Like, really saw what 15 looks like and it blew my mind."
"Lot of mind blowing tonight." I tease. He raises one eyebrow and pokes a finger between my lips.
"Gonna be a different kind of blowing in a few minutes."
"With pleasure." That stunned him. He stills and slides his finger in and out a few times, the temperature of the room heating back up. After a beat he shakes his head and pinches my nipple before reaching for my hand again. "That was pretty genius of him."
"I know. Risky move, right? But they were so obviously kids, so obviously young and stupid that it shocked me. I was young and stupid and a kid. It hit me hard. He just stood there and waited while it seeped into my psyche and then he came over, put his arms around me and fucking held me like that for probably 20 seconds."
"Did you hug him back?"
"I couldn't at first. I couldn't even move, I just stood there. But then I did, just a little. It felt weird, I'm not going to lie but my dad's a good guy. He was a great father, always made time for us, always took care of us, showed up at our sport shit and Mia's dance recitals and I knew, even though he never said it, that he loved us as if we were his own. But he's never tried to touch me outside of a handshake and occasional shoulder pat. This was different."
"How?" He sits up against the headboard and reaches for the iPad, effectively ending the conversation. He shrugs and taps the screen, avoiding eye contact with me. Too much intensity for one night.
"I don't know, it just was. Here you go. You look good, baby. Casual, young, carefree, beautiful. And there is no mistaking that ring on your finger."
Scrambling to my knees I sit on his lap and stare at the screen before me. He's got some gossip site open and there, in HD color, are twelve pictures of Christian and me walking out of Escala, hand in hand and laughing and then two more of him ushering me back inside.
"Nice shirt." My elbow nudges into his rib cage on a laugh and I click on the title to read the 'story' they've come up with.
And Bling Makes Three
After refusing to respond to the baby rumors, Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele stepped out of their seven million dollar penthouse apartment today to mingle with the little folk. There was no way to deny the shine that bounced off that ring though! Apparently, Grey plus Steele equals Platinum.
A rep for Grey's company confirmed the reports stating that 'Mr. Grey and Ms. Steele are thrilled to have made the first step to a lifetime commitment to each other. The two were engaged on Friday and celebrated with family and friends over the weekend.'
Now, we're not ones for gossip, wink wink, but a shotgun engagement does kinda line up with a whoopsie baby. So can we expect a billionaire baby anytime soon? All eyes are on baby watch!
"Ugh. So annoying! Now if I gain a pound they're going to start writing about my due date." Christian tosses the iPad down and rubs his hand over my stomach, moving me so that I settle between his legs.
"You could gain ten pounds and still look amazing. We do need to talk about security though. With this out, you're going to be even more of a target. If you're still dead set on going to Ray's this weekend, can you promise me two things?"
"What?"
"You'll have two more CPO's that will arrive before you and do a thorough sweep of the house and property and you won't go out on the motorcycle again. It's too dangerous now that you've got all this press following you around." I was looking forward to a nice long bike ride but I can see the fear behind the gray staring back at me.
"Agreed. You'll have Taylor reach out to Ray?"
"Sawyer will. I want him to step up a bit now that we're getting married. In 35 days you'll be worth 11 billion dollars and I need him to understand that."
"How would I be worth 11 billion? That's your money, not mine." He looks a bit pissed.
"It's ours, Anastasia." OK, anytime I'm Anastasia, it's serious. His face hardens, full on CEO mode peeking through that strong jaw line and straight nose. "It's been yours since you said yes. The minute we marry you will be added to every legal document imaginable giving you access to all money, investments, properties and companies that are mine. I want total equality in our marriage and the money is part of that." I move to say something but he presses his fingers to my lips.
"It's not up for discussion."
"I wasn't going to argue even though I'm uncomfortable with it. What I was going to say was that if you want things equal, then I want you to put your name on the house as well." He looks surprised.
"You do?"
"Of course! It's our home. I want both of our names on it." He smiles that little boy smile that just melts me inside.
"OK." I like agreeable Christian. He's super cute especially when he kisses my nose and twirls my hair around his finger. "How was dinner with the Kavanaghs?"
"Fun, like old times. Ethan is really serious about Mia. He didn't say she was the one but there is no mistaking that he feels that way. He was talking about retiring in thirty years and said that they planned to travel through Europe and study the cathedrals there for a year. I bet they get engaged within the year."
"I can't even think about Mia getting married. Ugh, and getting pregnant." He pinches his nose and then opens his eyes to look at me. "You're sure he's a good guy? Not a scum bag playboy or one of those guys who will move on when he gets to be rich?"
"Ethan? He is rich. His family is worth a few billion themselves, Kavanagh Media Group is huge! So you don't need to worry about that. And no, he's no player or playboy, whatever it was you just called him. He was more of philosopher than a partier at college. And when he did have a girlfriend, he was faithful as far as I know. Mr. Kavanagh's a dirt bag and I know for a fact it really bothers Ethan."
He relaxes beneath me. Well, most of him relaxes. I can feel his penis against my leg starting to pulse. I'm on the clock now, it's only a matter of time before talk time is over.
"How was your dinner?"
"Well, I'm still burping up that onion thing she made us get and I'm pretty sure I hit my sodium intake for the next week but it was surprisingly good. Elliot met us there so it was just Mia and I on the drive which was...interesting. She had some questions, nothing too hard to answer. I mean, she knows nothing about the BDSM and all that and I want to keep it that way but she wanted to know certain details I didn't want to answer but did anyway for her sake."
"Like what?" He sighs and runs his hand over his head, tucking his hand behind his neck and staying like that. All the muscles in his arm are extended and bunched; I can see the small tuft of hair under his arm and the way the muscles that connect his abs to his back divide just
"Earth to Ana." Caught red-handed.
"Sorry, I was admiring your body." He smirks and flexes.
"Admire away, baby. God knows I miss half of what you say because I'm doing the same thing. Don't roll your eyes at me, you know what I'll do about it."
"I know what you want to do about it. That does not mean you'll be allowed to act on it. Now continue please and stop making your abs pop up like that! Damn, it's distracting and…just let me…god you're so hot." He laughs and lets me trace each bump with one fingernail. I will take full responsibility for his hard on right now but I do want to know how dinner went so I stop. "Continue."
"Only if you promise to continue that when I'm finished."
"Oh. You can bet your balls I'll continue." He flinches.
"Never bet on a man's balls, Ana." I shake my head and laugh at him, reaching between us to cup them in my hand. "Am I talking or not because if you do that, the conversation is over." My hand drops and folds in my lap.
"As I was saying," he gives me a wry grin and pauses, "she wanted to know weird shit, like if we did it in her room. No, by the way, and if the reason I missed her eleventh birthday party was because I was over her house. It wasn't. I was at a rowing competition."
"Elliot caught a few of the questions since in typical Mia fashion she wasn't finished even after a 15 minute drive but he didn't ask anything, he just sat there and listened. After a few minutes though he told her to stop and then teased her about Ethan to change the subject but she would not be deterred. Mia Grey has sunk her teeth in and she will not be treated with kid gloves anymore." In an odd way I can tell he's proud.
"It was strange, sitting with her and Elliot and talking about this. I mean, we didn't spend the entire night on it but I felt it needed to be addressed on some level after what you told me about Kate. I don't want them to suffer because of something that sick bitch did to me."
My entire body freezes and tingles with excitement. He didn't blame himself. This is a first.
"I laid out how happy I am, how different my life is and how I want a future with a family and that while there are still some things I need to figure out, overall, I'm doing really, really well."
"You are doing really well." He smiles a genuine, holding nothing back smile and rests his head back.
"I know. Feels pretty damn good too. I worry about what Elena's got that could expose me but other than that, I feel a thousand times lighter. Speaking of which, Taylor and I were talking on the way back from dinner. We need to get someone ready to meet up with Lillian to get inside and the natural choice would be Rachel. Problem with that is, she'd most likely see the pictures of me and would have access to the journals and the dossier." His voice drops and the hand that had been playing with my hair stills.
"I don't want her knowing but I can live with it because it's her job. But I can't live with Jose knowing and it would be unfair to ask her to keep that from him."
"I understand. Maybe she can talk to her partner or someone else in her line of work. We'll figure it out, Christian. I'll speak with her while you're away, see what she thinks." Under my hands his back tenses. "I won't mention you being molested if I can avoid it."
"I want it over with. Every part of me is different, every aspect of my life has changed. I want to live my life with you and my family and the family we'll have," at this he rests his hand over my womb, a thrill rushing through me at the contact, "and not have to worry about what might come out."
"I encouraged them to talk to someone, like a therapist about it. Elliot flat out refused, said he was dealing with it by beating himself up in his gym everyday and plotting ways to kill Elena without it being tied to him but Mia floored me. She found an organization that deals with boys who have been molested and is donating money to them and has reached out to another charity in the area that councils abuse victims. She wants to talk to them about getting involved from afar."
"She wants to volunteer? Wow, I did not see Mia reacting that way."
"I know, I half expected her to shop it out. I was pretty shocked that of the entire family she's the one who's being the most proactive. More shocking was that Elliot asked her for the information so that he could donate and get involved too."
I break the silence, with a whisper. "They really love you, Christian. Do you see that now? They know your darkest secret and they still love you. More than ever they want to have a relationship with you."
He smiles against my temple. "I know. It's…eye opening. I still feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop though, like one day they're going to wake up and think about it and be repulsed by me."
"Let me ask you something. If you found out that this had happened to Elliot and as a result he had practiced a sexual lifestyle that while not mainstream is consensual and pleasurable, would you think differently of him? Where would your disgust lie? With him or the woman who introduced him to something extreme and then made him believe that was all he could have?"
"I hate when you put my siblings in this visual. Hate it." I get that, but he needs to understand that they won't revile him one day. He grunts deep in his chest with frustration and presses the heels of his hands into his eyes. "I'd think he was a victim and then I'd kill the person who did it."
"So you'd be upset with the person who did this, not them no matter how much time you had to process it?"
He sighs and slinks down, lying flat on his back with his eyes closed. "I get it. They're grieving for me, not because of me." One eye pops open with a smirk. "Sometimes I think I should pay you and not Flynn." Satisfied I lie prostrate on top of him, my chin resting over folded hands so that I can look into his face.
"Did you tell them what Kate said?"
"I mentioned that she spoke with you. Elliot was pissed that she said anything but Mia talked him down with some psycho babble that she clearly picked up from her boyfriend." His chest goes concave beneath me as he exhales long and slowly. "I thought about it but I don't want anyone else knowing."
I kiss the indentation of his sternum and smile up at him. "Nobody else has to. Your family knows, I know, your therapist knows."
"It's strange, going from living this super private life where every part of me was guarded to sitting down with my brother and sister and talking about feelings and emotions and shit. I am seriously emotioned out for the day. For the week really." The tension is radiating from him, the muscles of his arms bunching into hard balls when he lifts his hands to his hair to pull on it. Time for a topic change.
"Sawyer elbowed a guy in the face on the way out of the bar. Made him bleed." He chuckles and wraps his arms around my shoulders and groans.
"I know. I've already had to contact legal about it. Sometimes I think he's more protective of you than I am. Did the guy really try to grab your hair?"
"I don't know. Kate said he was yelling my name but between Sawyer, Prescott, Ethan and Kate's CPO I couldn't see or hear anything around me and then out of nowhere Ethan starts shouting and then he grabbed me around my neck and threw me in the car. That's when Kate told me the guy was trying to grab my hair."
The muscles of his jaw bunch, the line of his lips flattens as he closes his eyes to envision what happened. I expected it to be a bit nuts when word of our engagement got out but I was definitely not prepared to walk out of that restaurant to a hoard of press.
"It's only going to get worse too. I really wish you'd come to London with me. Leaving you here to deal with this crap is going to drive me crazy with worry."
"About that. I was thinking maybe I shouldn't go to my dad's. He called when I first got home and said there's been a steady stream of press driving past the house to take pictures and try to score an interview and I know how hard it is to secure a house versus this place…" He takes a breath so big I almost roll off of him and then throws his arms up.
"Thank you, God! Yes, stay here. Have him come here, invite Ringling Brothers for all I care. Just stay here."
"Ringling Brothers?"
"Or Devin. Whichever. Either way it's a circus." And with that he lifts me by my arms and kisses me, holding my face to his. "Now," he starts, his voice dripping with sensuality, "about that whole blowing thing."
The feeling of dread I felt when I woke this morning is quickly replaced by fear when Sawyer and I pull out of the garage at Escala and make our way to my new office. I'm almost grateful for the anxiety since it means I won't be dwelling on Christian's departure tomorrow. Five days. It seems almost an impossible feat.
"Wow," he whistles through his teeth, his large hands on the steering wheel as he slowly guides the car through the throng of paparazzi. "I knew it would get crazy but this…this is unreal." Behind us Taylor navigates the car with Christian in it, no doubt just as stunned. My phone rings next to me and I know without looking that it's Christian.
"Hi."
"You are definitely not going to Montesano. This is insanity, you'd think we were William and Kate!"
"William and Kate?"
"You know, the Prince and Princess of England." I laugh and shake my head.
"I know who they are, I'm just surprised you know who they are!"
"You forget I have a little sister who feels the need to inundate me with worthless information. You'll stay in your office today. If you need anything, you will have someone else get it for you, understand?"
"Yes, Sir." I only gag slightly at the title.
The day passes by in a flurry of activity. I'm tempted to ask Eliza about Barney but never get the chance since I'm trying to cram a 12 hour day into seven hours so that I can get home early and get my evening set up with Christian. I've been dreading him leaving but I'm surprised by the depth of sadness I'm experiencing.
Around 11, sitting at my desk absorbed in a detailed translation for a rehab center in France, my skin prickles, a shiver running down my spine. When I look up from my computer to see Christian standing in the doorway I'm only half surprised since my body always reacts that way to his.
"Hi! What are you doing here?" One leg swings forward, a smirk on his perfect face as he hands me a cup of Starbucks. He looks oddly pleased, almost smug.
"Hyde changed his plea." Call it shock, call it what you will but I feel icy strands of fear slink down my body, seizing my heart and my gut on their way to my feet.
"He…changed…his plea. I don't understand." He leans down and brushes his lips over mine before skating them down to my neck to nuzzle my collarbone.
"He's decided to plead guilty to avoid a trial. Which means, you'll avoid a trial. You can still write the court a victim impact statement for his sentencing and we can even go together for that if you want but it's over. No trial, no court, no paparazzi hounding you about it, no fear of him getting off. Over, Ana."
"Over? He's not getting out?" Strong arms lift me while he swings around, sitting in my chair before settling me on his lap.
"I told you I'd make sure he didn't hurt you again."
"You did." Slowly he nods, his nose rubbing against mine, his hands resting on my hips.
"Nobody will hurt you so long as there is breath in my body." My own breath catches in my throat. I'm not sure how to react to this to be honest. I feel so many things all at once; freedom, joy, fear, elation, hesitation, worry. I'm the definition of overwhelmed.
"I…I'm…thank you. Thank you. I don't know what else to say I'm so…just…thank you." For a few minutes we sit in silence, him glowing with triumph, me fighting the urge to vomit. I don't know if he doesn't realize I'm about to stroke out or if I'm just that good of an actress but a minute later he stands and kisses me on the top of my head, hugging me tightly and then smacking my butt before he leaves with a grin.
I have no idea what made Hyde change his mind though I'm pretty sure Ray, Sawyer, Taylor and Christian do but I push it out of my mind. Whatever he got, he deserved. If not for me, for those women on the tapes Christian told me about.
Missy walks in, sitting uninvited into one of the chairs opposite my desk and cocks her head to the side.
"You ok?"
"I think so." When my gaze finds hers I blink and then sit up straight. "The man who attacked me changed his plea to guilty. I don't have to testify." Her brows shoot up in surprise.
"And you get validation without a fight that what you said he did was the truth. It's a bit of closure for you." Oh wow, I hadn't even thought of it in that context. "Speaking of which, what's going on with your mother?"
"Oh, um, she's getting out. She made a deal with someone about something and she's getting out." I can't even formulate a sentence right now. "I'm sorry, I'm...distracted right now. I don't know much more than than that. Christian said he'd take care of it and not to worry about me having to deal with her so I'm just leaving that in his hands. It's too much for me to think about."
"Well," she says, standing and reaching for a Reeces cup from the bowl on my desk, "there's a lot of good I could say about Christian Grey but one thing is for sure. That man is more than capable of protecting and taking care of you."
"Oh!" She turns back, halfway to the door and grins. "I came in here to tell you that Eliza went out for lunch. With Barney." My hand flies to my mouth.
"Oh my gosh. That's awesome. What tie was he wearing?" She laughs and opens the door.
"Don't know, she met him out but I will wager my salary that it was dorky!"
By four o'clock I'm home and in the kitchen where Gail has dutifully left out the ingredients for dinner and a note indicating that she and Taylor will not be entering the apartment for any reason unless they're summoned but that she would have breakfast ready for Christian before he left at five the next morning. My stomach drops out again. Separation.
Once the shock of Hyde's plea wears off I'm left right where I started. Determined to not let him and what happened get to me. I obviously still have a reaction to him but he doesn't paralyze me like he used to. His name means little to me, his actions towards me even less. I will not give him another moment of my time unless it's in the safety of my therapists office. To quote Christian, Jack Hyde can fuck off.
He's scheduled to get home at five so I prep dinner and light a few candles before setting the table and flicking on some Ella Fitzgerald. At quarter of I mix up a cocktail for him, leaving it on the breakfast bar. I'm not at all surprised when he arrives ten minutes early in just his white oxford and black slacks. By the look of his hair I can tell it's been a rough day but he smiles at me nonetheless and walks to me, throwing the suit jacket over a stool before pulling me against him.
"Smells good."
"I made your favorites. Pan seared peppercorn rib eye, garlic green beans and of course, my sautéed potatoes."
"Mmm. Can't wait." After a kiss that makes the center of my body melt he pulls away and reaches for the cocktail I've made him, raising his brow. "For me?" I nod and bite my lip. "How very domestic of you Ms. Steele soon-to-be Grey." Oh yeah, I'm a puddle on the floor.
"You've got about thirty minutes until dinner, why don't you get changed into something comfortable and relax a bit while I finish this up. I'll call you when it's ready."
"Perfect. I've got something I need to do first anyway. I'll be in our room. Thirty minutes?"
"Yup." And with that he winks and sips, the sight of those lips touching the rim of the crystal tumbler enough to make my mouth water.
Thirty minutes later dinner is plated and ready and I'm quite pleased with myself. The steaks are cooked exactly how he likes them, medium-rare, and the potatoes are crisp on the outside and soft on the inside. Perfection if I do say so myself. All I need now is my man.
He's not come out of the bedroom so I look there first, confused when I find him standing at the foot of the bed, arms crossed with one finger running over his lips deep in thought. Spread out are four sets of bras and panties.
"What are you doing?" He jumps a bit, startled by my voice but recovers quickly, pulling me into his side and pointing.
"Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. These are the undergarments I want you to wear while I'm gone." He turns and gives me a salacious little smirk. "This way, I'll know exactly what's up against your body."
"Where's Sunday's?" He clucks his tongue and winks.
"I'll be home Sunday. You won't be wearing anything that day. Which reminds me, you'll need someone to teach your class that night since you won't be able to walk. Oh," he walks to my night table and pulls out the chocolate lip gloss I wear, tossing it onto the middle of the bed, "and that. Always wear that."
CPOV
"Amazing. Seriously amazing. I think when we move into the house we should give Gail Friday nights off and that can be the night you cook for me."
"I'd love that. I like cooking for you." She tips her wine glass back, draining the last sip out before dabbing the corners of her mouth. "Tell me about your trip. Start to finish."
"Flight leaves from Sea-Tac at six tomorrow morning, we'll get to London at four am on Thursday after a quick layover on the East Coast. Meetings all day starting at eight, dinner with the company's patriarch at seven. Same shit on Friday except it's dinner with the whole family, really looking forward to that, and then on Saturday I get to golf with the fuckers. Dinner, again, and then it's wheels up at nine am on Sunday. I'll be here, inside of you by eleven am." She giggles at my wink, something new I've caught myself doing. "Gotta love the time difference."
"I've got something I wanted to give to you before I left." I've been holding onto this gift for three days now and it's been a struggle not to give it to her because I know how happy it will make her. I hold up a finger and retrieve the box from my office, sliding it in front of her.
"Oh my god. Is this…no. You couldn't have." With the delight of a five year old at Christmas she lifts the lid to the box and shrieks, standing and running in place. "How did you do this? Oh my god!"
"Lift the top page." Her eyes snap to mine and then very slowly she peels the top page off, sitting heavily and covering her mouth.
"Oh my god. It's autographed. Not just autographed, she wrote out a note. Holy shit, she used my name and everything. I can't believe it."
A book. That's what makes my fiancée the happiest. Not diamonds or ruby's or emeralds. A book. It makes me love her all that much more.
"My girl doesn't go on a waiting list. Ever. You want something, you tell me and I'll make it happen. Twelve weeks? Hell no. This should keep you occupied for a few nights at least."
"You remembered?"
"Of course. I remember everything that's important to you." One hand traces the paper in the box, a manuscript that's not even bound but judging by her reaction, more valuable to her than gold.
"Thank you. This was so thoughtful." The genuine joy on her face is thanks enough but when she stands and starts to undress, I'm distracted enough that I forget to tell her that. "I bought something for you too." Oh hell yeah, show me.
"But before I show you, I have something for you to unwrap first." Itchy hands reach towards her but she giggles and walks to the counter, retrieving a small black camcorder.
"A camcorder?" She nods.
"Yes. With no web access and no way to view what's on it unless you're watching the actual video tape. Very old school. I thought we could," she unbuttons another button, "make something for you to bring with you." Another button so that I can see the top of a black piece of lingerie. "Let me just," she takes the camera and positions it on the counter, facing us and then hits a button, "set this up."
"Ana…"
"Shhh, Christian. We can always put it in the safe if you're afraid to take it anywhere." And then she slips that shirt off of her shoulders to reveal a black, satin corset that hugs her hips in the hottest way I've ever seen.
"Shit." She licks her lips slowly, strutting over to me, letting her skirt fall to the floor, tiny black thongs barely covering that sweet spot between her legs. Her black heels click on the floor behind me, her soft hands circling around my neck before sliding down my chest and torso.
"I love the book, Christian." Slowly she lifts my t-shirt over my head, pulling me back where she bites my neck, licking the spot that is sure to bruise before biting down again. I'm delirious when her lips tug on my ear and she nibbles up and down, her tongue flicking every few seconds.
I'm already fumbling with the button on my fly when she gives me the shock of my life by clearing the plates from the table and then climbing on top of it, crawling to me, her hair falling over her shoulder in thick curls. "Take off your pants." Yes, ma'am.
"Oh hell yes."
Her hands balance on each side of my thighs, her tongue licking down from my Adam's apple to each nipple and then my cock before she sucks it in. In front of me her ass is high in the air, swaying from side to side with each bob of her head.
"Ana…" She stops, looks up through her lashes and grins, her lips wet and plump.
"All those Pilates pushups are finally coming in handy. Just enjoy, baby. Don't hold back, just relax and enjoy the show." Those lips wrap around me again and resume their suction but this time she adds in a few nips of her teeth and swipes of her tongue. It takes less than three minutes before I lose all control, the visual in front of me no match for the years of control I've worked so hard for.
Sitting back on the table she wipes the corners of her mouth and blows me a kiss, swinging her legs down on her way to shut off the video camera.
"That was…wow." She beams at me and takes my hand, lifting me to my feet.
"We're not finished. Put on your jeans." Confused I reach for the jeans on the floor but she pulls me up and bites that bottom lip. "Not those jeans. The other jeans." The other…oh hell yes.
"You want to go to the playroom?" One slow nod. It's all I need. "I'll be there in five minutes, be in position."
Leather, wood, citrus. This room, while a den of my past iniquities, is also a safe haven for me. I thrive on control. Demand respect. Require submission. But if these walls could talk they would have a hard time reconciling the man in here now with the man who's stood in this place a few hundred times before.
For as long as I can I keep my eyes averted from where Anastasia, my lover, my best friend, my future is waiting for me. Instead I take out the toys that I want to use and ready the room, arranging the chains and carabineers above the bed before finding a song I've always wanted to fuck to but haven't yet.
Around me is a buzz in the air. A physical manifestation of the energy between me and this woman.
"You take my breath away, kneeling there, waiting for me. Stand up, Anastasia." She does, her hair cascading down her bare back. I'm tempted to braid it out of habit but don't. There are some things I want to leave behind.
"Against the bed post, hands wrapped around it." She does as she's told, the lines of her toned physique wreaking havoc on my cock. Behind her I breathe against the tender skin of her neck, inhaling the scent of her until I have my fill. "Do you have any idea how many things I want to do to you? With you? I hardly know where to begin."
She shivers under the light touches of my fingertips as I run them down the length of the arms, down the divide of her back and over the sensual feminine curve of her hips.
"Please," she whispers against the carved wood.
"Na ah ah, Ms. Steele. No begging in here. I'll let that one slide but it will serve you well to remember that in here, I'm in charge. Do you understand?" She groans when I lick the shell of her ear while I wait for her response.
"Yes...Sir."
"Good girl." I take my time, enjoying the feel of her skin against mine as I stroke every inch from the nape of her neck to her sexy as fuck ankles. "On the bed, face up, hands up."
She complies, her ass just begging for a good spanking before settling down on top of the Egyptian Cotton. Her body shifts when I kneel next to her head and lift her arms into the cuffs, securing them straight up, shoulder width apart.
"I won't bind your legs since you didn't care for that last time but I am going to blindfold you. Close your eyes."
Once she's blindfolded and bound I hit play on the stereo, the sounds of Ted Nugent's 'Stranglehold' filling the air. She stifles a laugh and as hard as I try not to, I grin. Yeah, I'm pretty eclectic when it comes to my auditory enjoyment. But last time was slow seduction. Tonight, well tonight is more about the balance of pain and pleasure, the fine line where the two meet up and the heights walking that line can take you to.
Bound and blindfolded I step back, crossing my arms and taking it all in. The first time I took her in here I was so overwhelmed with everything I didn't take the time to ingest it. But now, knowing that she's here for me and that she wants to be here, it's a total head trip.
"You are fucking hot as shit, Anastasia. All creamy skin and pink lips." She pouts but I reach out and rest my hand between her legs. "These lips. Fuck you turn me on." Her legs part, granting me access without having to ask for it. I rub with the sultry beat, following the rhythm of the song until she's writhing and moaning and then abruptly stop, walking to the table to retrieve the flogger I've taken down.
She tenses when I get back on the bed and run the soft leather over her skin, starting at her toes and working my way up to her neck. Her nipples pebble, her skin shivers with each pass leaving goose bumps behind. I'm out of my mind with desire. Fourteen years of discipline is simply no match for this woman's body.
"This is a flogger, Anastasia. It can be used for pleasure or for pain. Tonight, and any night I use this with you, it will be for pleasure only." I begin to flick, very lightly, the tips of the leather over her thighs and stomach, watching with fascination as she flexes underneath the fronds. "It will turn your skin to a beautiful shade of pink but it won't hurt you."
"Chri…Sir…please." I flick again but land the blow on her mound.
"In here, you will call me Sir, Anastasia." Her face cringes but I ignore it. "Say it." She intakes a breath, long and slow. "Say it." Another flick, this time to her nipples. She arches her back and hisses, twisting her arms.
"Yes, Sir." The words are forced through clenched teeth and belatedly I recall her anger at Lillian calling me Sir at breakfast. You are an asshole. This is not the time to talk about that though so I push on, taking a deep breath to regain my composure. The last thing I want is to make her uncomfortable in here but if she wants me to fill this role, then calling me Sir is part of the package.
Under my careful ministrations her skin, from the tops of her feet to the hollow of her throat is a beautiful shade of pink. When I'm satisfied my hand replaces the flogger, dragging long sweeps up her legs, over her hips and breasts to pause on her shoulder only to follow the trail back down.
"Do you feel how much more sensitive you are? How alive your skin is under my hand?"
"Yes, Sir," she whimpers, her hands flexing in their bindings. Just a taste, I promise myself, shucking off my jeans before lowering my face to her sex.
Paradise. Sinful, wicked, woman. This is her scent, her taste, her touch. Above me she bucks, surprised by my mouth and the plundering of my tongue. I love when she gives herself to me like this and just lets me take pleasure from her body, so perfectly made for me.
Without removing my mouth I lift the flogger from the bed and drag it over her breasts, back and forth while I lick and suck her pussy. She circles her hips against my face and begins to tremble but before she can climax I withdraw and sit up, driving my cock inside of her so fast she screams out. Around me her walls tense and relax, surprised by this sudden invasion of flesh. Her head thrashes from side to side but she doesn't speak, only moans at each thrust that I pound into her.
"Still, baby. You must stay still." When she continues to roll her head I lightly wrap my hand around her throat, my thumb resting on her chin to keep her still so that I can whisper in ear before kissing her lips. "God you feel amazing. So wet, so hot, so tight." I thrust harshly, her answer more of a grunt. "So unbelievably tight. I'm going to fuck you for the rest of your life, Anastasia and I still won't have had enough of you."
At the thought of it my cock begins to swell and I pull out, counting backwards from twenty to avoid coming. When I'm back in control I straddle her chest and lean forward. "Open your mouth and stick out your tongue." She does and I slide my dick in slowly, the feel of her mouth so different that that of her pussy. "Taste yourself, Anastasia. Lick me clean."
And like the seductress she has no idea she is, she lifts her head and does just that, bringing me to the brink so quickly I feel dizzy and light headed. Before I go over that edge though I stand and retrieve the last of our toys for the evening, sucking on her nipples hard before attaching the clamps. She hisses with each one, her hips grinding against the sheet looking for some sort of friction.
"These vibrate, Anastasia."
"Oh fuck!" She whispers when I turn them on, the slight hum now the only sound in the room.
"Do you like that sweet girl? A bit of pleasure with your pain?"
"Yes," a groan, so low I barely hear it.
"Yes what?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Good. Now let's go over some rules for while I'm away, shall we?" Between her legs again I push in the barest inch, watching with satisfaction while she attempts to slide down onto me further. "You'll get more cock with each correct answer. Understand?"
"Yes, Sir. Please." She has no idea how badly I want to slam into her, watch her fall apart while I fuck her and just give her what she wants. I'm hanging on by a thread but I'm intent to see this through.
"While I am away, you are not to have any male, with the exception of Devin over alone. Agreed?"
"Yes, Sir." Two more inches.
"While I am away, you are to go to work, your classes and then you are to come home unless we decide, together, otherwise. Agreed?"
"Yes, Sir." Two more inches, I'm dying.
"While I am away, you may touch yourself only if I'm on the phone with you and under no circumstance is there to be any penetration. That pleasure is reserved for me only. Agreed?"
"Yes, Sir." Two more inches. Around me she clenches and my dick screams at me to let go but I hold out, pressing my hand down on her abdomen to calm her.
"When I return home, you will greet me naked and wet and you will let me fuck you seven ways from Sunday. Agreed?"
"Oh god, yes! Sir! Please!" I can't take another second and push in until I feel her ass on my balls, lifting her legs onto my shoulders and drilling into her hard and fast. "Oh god oh god oh god…" she whimpers, tightening even further before she falls silent, her mouth open in an O, the near silent whisper of "yes yes yes" hot on my neck.
"Come for me now, Anastasia." Leaning back on my haunches her legs fall open wide and I grab her hips pumping furiously, the purple clamps bouncing with her breasts until she yells my name and thrashes, her pussy contracting so viciously around me that she takes my orgasm from me, ripping it from my balls and dragging it into her body. Before she can recover I've torn off the blindfold, her green eyes glassy and glazed.
"Hi." She just smiles and giggles, shaking her chest.
"Hi yourself. Can you…um…can you take these off…I'm finished with them."
"You're finished with them?" Those eyes brighten and blink, slow realization causing her to blush again.
"No?" Scoffing I reach up and adjust the chain holding the wrist cuffs, so that I can pull her into a sitting position.
"You are finished with them when I say you are." After a quick stop in the bathroom to clean myself I grab the purple wand she liked in Aspen and sit in front of her, turning it on and then shocking the hell out of her when I place it at the base of my cock just above my nuts. For two minutes we stare at each other until I take my now semi-hard dick in my hand and slide beneath her, pushing up into her. Within seconds I'm hard and ready.
Her hands instinctually attempt to reach down but I steady her, lifting her onto her knees and then sitting her back down, the wand wedged between our bodies so that it's directly on her clit. Above me the purple clamps vibrate softly but I want to see her breasts so without warning I pull them off. I fully appreciate how puffy and red her nipples are but resist sucking on them. Instead I make them bounce until she cries out again and comes hard, falling forward so that those sweet tits are on either side of my face while I pound upwards, filling her again with my cum.
As soon as she's free she pulls the wand away and flings it to the end of the bed, breathlessly laughing before falling onto my chest. "No more things that vibrate. I'm vibrated out."
One shower, two hours and another round later, this one in our bed, I'm almost satiated but not quite. While she catches her breath, face down in the pillow I roll to my side and turn off the video camera that we set up on the night table. She gasps and covers her mouth, surprised.
"I forgot it was there!"
"I know," I wiggle my eye brows at her, "that's what made it so hot. You were all, 'fuck me like that, Christian, yeah, harder, faster, oh god oh god oh god'. It was hot as hell." And there is that blush, creeping over her entire body. Damn I'm into this chick.
"Are you going to bring it with you?" I've been debating that since the minute she gave it to me. If something were to happen to it, or it got lost I'd be totally beside myself. On the other hand, having that film accessible to me while I'm halfway around the world, it's just too tempting to say no.
"I am. I'll keep it on me and lock it up in the safe. But we'll have Skype which means you'll have some early morning self pleasure sessions to keep me occupied with as well."
Out of nowhere she sucks in a deep breath and her face scrunches up, her bottom lip trembling as tears spring to her eyes.
"What's the matter, baby?" I ask, rushing to pull her against me.
"I'm going to miss you so much." And then she cries into my chest, warming parts of me that I didn't know were still cold. Inside I feel the same, overwhelmed and emotional about parting for five days but her falling apart gives me the opportunity to comfort her, something I find deeply satisfying. Soothing another human being is so foreign to me that I feel almost stupid doing it, constantly second guessing if what I'm doing is effective or good but it works because she stops crying and starts to laugh instead.
"You're laughing." Her head shakes vigorously, her tiny hands gripping my biceps.
"I'm freaking out!" Comforting her was one thing, trying to decipher what that means is way out of my league.
"About me leaving?"
"About everything. You leaving, Hyde going to prison, my mom getting out." Her breath catches and she starts to cry again, this time hard enough that her entire body shakes. "I am so fucked in the head about my mom. Am I supposed to call her? Let her visit? Tell her off? Keep trying for a relationship? Cut all ties? I have no idea. And it's not just that. This whole," her hand waves and she hiccups while she tries to find the right word, "crap with her happening as I get engaged just highlights how much I miss out on."
"When Missy got engaged her mom wouldn't leave her alone. Kate has a weekly lunch with her mom and she said she tells her mom everything. Lisa went to the movies last night with her mom just because they could! And you…you could call Grace this second and ask her to come here, not tell her why, just ask her and she'd be here in a flash."
My heart thumps painfully inside, knowing all too well what the rejection of a mother feels like. After a minute she wipes her eyes on the corner of the sheet and laughs. "I could actually use a hand kerchief right now. This is an actual hand kerchief moment." But before I can reach for one her face scrunches again and she says, "I just want to go to a movie with my mom and be normal. I just want a mom."
I am totally, utterly, useless right now. I have nothing to draw from, no comforting words to help her see the silver lining…since there is none. Over and over my mouth opens to say something but then it shuts when my brain continues to malfunction. Finally, finally she gulps and draws her knees up, effectively pushing me back so that she's leaning against me, curled up into a ball. Her face is a disaster, puffy and tear streaked with a red nose and swollen lips that punch me in the gut. That is all me right there.
For hours now I've been aggressive with her body and with my language. In my urgency to get my fill and to leave her as satisfied as possible I've pushed her so far that she's having an emotional breakdown. Of course she'd be fragile today of all days. Me leaving, her mother's release, Hyde's certain imprisonment. You are a world class moron.
Instead of figuring out hours ago that something was wrong, I focused on nothing but sex and now she's paying the price for it.
"I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry I didn't know you were feeling this way." Her head snaps back and she pushes one finger over my lips.
"Don't. You did nothing wrong. I didn't even know I was feeling this way, it just, like, hit me out of nowhere a few minutes ago. This is not about you, Christian, do not, for one second think you did something wrong."
"I don't know what to do to make this better for you." Rage begins to bubble in my gut, roiling and burning. She deserves nothing but love and joy and peace. This remarkable woman has come so far with so many broken pieces, carried from place to place without any way to fix them. I'm at a total loss so I do what Flynn would do. I ask about the future. Look ahead, focus on a goal.
"Ana what do you want to happen with your mom?" I will make it happen no matter how much I hate it.
"Ugh." Her hands fall limp to her sides and she leans back, blinking away new tears. "I so did not want tonight to be about me or drama. I wanted a nice night with just the two of us so that you could go away happy and content and comforted." I grin, pulling her face to mine to gently kiss her lips.
"I have been happy, content and comforted since you walked into my line of sight in that black dress in your old apartment. And tonight was great but this, this intimacy, this…talking…this is what I really want. I want to know you, get inside your head and figure you out. You are endlessly fascinating to me. Everything you say is important, everything you do is amazing, everything you feel is paramount to me. I want you to dump this all out now while I'm here, not when I'm half a world away. Talk to me, baby."
And thankfully, she does just that. For almost thirty minutes she barely takes a breath and just lets it out telling me things I had no idea were festering her head. With each tear, each blow of her nose, each sip of water I get more angry at Carla. She had the opportunity to love this girl, to enjoy her and celebrate her but she blew it for a man and a few dollars.
"I feel, in some ways, very much alone." So simple but so hurtful to hear.
"You are the furthest thing from alone. You have me and my family now. You have your dad and your friends who adore you. You have employees who like to work for you and a security staff who would give their lives for you. You are so not alone." She shrugs one naked shoulder and rests her head on my chest.
"Maybe alone wasn't the right word. I feel…something."
"Rejected." I whisper into her hair. She nods once, the tears hitting the scars on my chest.
"Yes. You understand." And just like that the fight leaves her in a long breath, the validation of her pain giving her a freedom I am only now beginning to understand myself.
"I do. The world can reject you but when your own mother does it," I shake my head, the ball in my throat closing in and swelling, "it does more damage than anyone else ever could." And that's the truth. Of all the things I have experienced in my life, the rejection from my birth mother has been the underlying issue that has done the most damage. It laid the groundwork for my sense of self, of my hatred for who I was, the belief that somehow, she inherently knew that I was a bad person. Her rejection colored every facet of my life until a few months ago.
Seems we're both emotional tonight.
"I don't want to see her," she says after a few minutes. "I don't even want to talk to her. I just want her to be normal and if she can't be, if she's just going to screw me over again and again, I can't have her in my life. Dr. Fischer said something a few sessions ago that I initially dismissed but I'm beginning to see the wisdom in it."
"She said that as children, we have no choice who is in our lives but as we get older and we establish our own boundaries and our own sense of self that we systematically eliminate those who are toxic to us. Sometimes we do it consciously, sometimes it happens organically but at some point we realize that we're adults and that the people in our lives are there by choice. But since family is family we tend to not think of them as toxic or detachable and therefore, we try to change them so that they can stay in our day to day instead of facing the cold truth that they are who they are." Sad eyes shift to mine and she sighs in resignation.
"My mom is sick. She's never going to change and furthermore, she doesn't want to. I will never be enough for her to change for and therefore she will remain toxic." Her body shudders and then sinks into mine for comfort. "I want her out of my life for good. I wish her well but it's time I closed that door and faced the fact that I will never have what I've been striving for my entire life."
"Not with her you won't, Ana. But with your own daughter you will. You will have the relationship you want, you'll go for lunches and go out to the movies. You'll do all those things you never got to do and your daughter will never know the pain of a hateful mother."
She whispers into my chest, tickling the patch of hair over my sternum. "I'm not ready to think about that yet. Being a mom." And because, frankly, I can't bear the sound of her saying she wants to wait a long time to have kids, I let it go. That's a conversation for another day.
"OK, then let's get you cleaned up and in bed. We've got a solid three hours before I have to leave and I want to hold you for every second of it."
A few minutes later the room is dark and quiet, just the sound of the rain falling outside lulling us to sleep. Within seconds her breathing becomes rhythmic, the steady beat of her heart slowing down under my hand where I've pressed it between her breasts like I do every night. I'm bone weary from the stress of getting things at GEH ready for my absence, the physical activities of tonight and the emotional fallout we just muddled through.
But I won't sleep until I'm on the plane. Until watching her and feeling her skin against mine isn't an option, I will not rest. I couldn't if I wanted to. Leaving her behind will be tough, of that I have no doubt but her heart, the one that has so completely and so gently fixed my own will come with me wherever I am.
Because for as much as I've known she loved me and depended on me, for as much as she's given to me and shared with me, tonight, I know, unequivocally that I have Anastasia Steele's heart.
I'm letting you all draw your own conclusions as to what persuaded Hyde to change his plea. As to the book he gave her, I wanted it to be the next one in the 'Outlander' Series by Diana Galbadon but it's STILL not out...so I'm taking some literary freedom and pretending.