HAYTHAM

I confess, I had no sleep that night.

The same could not be said for Ziio. Almost at the moment I bid her goodnight, she rolled over and was asleep. I was glad of this: firstly, she was the one who needed the energy. Secondly...well, that night, my action was one I was glad she hadn't seen.

When I took Ziio home initially, she lay unconscious. I knelt before her and longed just to touch her hand, but even that seemed beyond acceptable. Now, I'd gone out of my way to push the boundaries. She just did not know it. She would never know how I felt; it was for the best. She had a child to care for. The last thing she needed was to cling to a ghost love forever.

"Ziio." I stood over her sleeping frame. "Wake up."

She moaned softly, and turned. So peaceful. So pure. When her eyes opened, they looked first at the brightening sky outside, then at me. "Is it time?"

"We're a little late," I confessed. "Look. The sun will be up in an hour or so."

Ziio's eyes stretched, and she was alert. She rolled onto her side. "How was your night?" she asked, having sat upright.

"Not brilliant, in truth." And nor, it seemed, was hearing her voice. Knowing it was the last time was a form of torture. "How was yours?"

"Oh, you know..." she said wearily. "It was alright."

Suddenly remembering my childish deed, I asked: "Did...did you wake up at all?"

Her eyes flicked from me to the window. "No."

Doubts came creeping in as she busied herself making the bed. She surely wasn't awake, was she? She was asleep when I...I...

"I can do that later." I touched Ziio's arm to stop her. She was straightening the white sheets on the bed. "Don't fret."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, leave it be. I can do it."

Ziio dipped her head gratefully, before stepping back. "Thank you, Haytham."

Why is she being so polite? It's as if we are strangers. For god's sake, we slept in the same bed last night.
Exactly, Haytham. That is just the problem. You never should have offered. And you wonder why your heart is aching so.

It was no better even after we'd dressed and eaten. In total silence we made our way outside. The air was crisp and misty; I could feel the sun's presence struggling into play. But the allotments outside were dark. There were no birds or animals to be seen, nor heard. We had picked the perfect time to leave the house.

"Will she be alright?" Ziio asked. "Your horse."

I stood outside the stable, where Ziio held Bonnie's bridle. Adjusting the stirrups one more time, I replied: "She should be. It's hardly a long journey, and already she is recovering."

Ziio itched her leg, clothed in my old breeches. "Well, if you insist." She looked (and sounded) defeated, like me. Perhaps the child within had hoped that she could stay another day. But that'd be another day for her son to grow lonely.

Her son?
My son.
Our son.

My child, whom I only laid eyes on once. I knew for a fact that I may never meet him – that only added to my pessimism.

Sighing deeply, I stepped into the stirrup, swung my leg over and mounted Bonnie. I motioned for Ziio to do the same. Her hands were slow in passing the reins, before she stepped across, gripped the saddle and climbed on the mare's back. Bonnie nearly sank with the weight of both of us; her dark head thrashing in protest. Please, I prayed. It is only to the river and back. You can do this.

"Ready?" I asked, my stomach sinking like my horse.

"Ready." Ziio's hands slipped around my waist, tearing a slit in my lungs. I exhaled shakily and nudged Bonnie into a trot. She jerked, and plodded onwards. We were away.

As the still trees swung past us, all my memories came flooding back. It was like every ounce of nostalgia, regret and sadness was saved for this moment. I never showed any such feelings on the surface, but now...it was all I could think of. Sitting at the stump of a tree, talking for hours. Holding her close in front of the fire like we were huddled for survival. Kissing her by the storehouse; letting all my worries melt away in the moment. The night by the river. Everything. Ziio had been such a huge influence on my life...and I was simply letting her into the wind.

My sister Jenny once told me a childhood story. A butterfly with a damaged wing lay in her garden. She picked it up and placed it on her desk, hoping it would recover and that she could keep it. A few days later it was dead, and the maid explained to the naïve four-year-old that butterflies were not built to live indoors. Without the wildlife, they would die. Ziio's heart would flake without her son, and the forest. I knew that. I had to let her into the wind. I didn't want her to die.

Suddenly Bonnie snorted, and came to an abrupt halt. Ziio was nearly thrown over my shoulder. It was a good job that she was holding on. Confused, we dismounted to look.

"Whoa, girl," I soothed (for she seemed agitated). "What's wrong?"

Her belly expanded and contracted very quickly; her eyelids drooped and her head sagged. Clearly I'd overestimated how healthy she was.

"I should've known," I grumbled. "You were right, Ziio. I should've left her there."

"It is fine," Ziio put in, stroking Bonnie's velvety neck. "I know the way from here."

I looked around. The trees were emerald in the semi-darkness; the forest floor a carpet of the same complexion. Some feet awaya hare reared on a hill to see us. There was a caw from an early bird, and the hare scampered into the bushes. Then there was silence.

Inside, my mind was buzzing. I had been here before. Was it near here that Ziio and I severed our ties? Yes, on that hill in the distance, I'd stood and kissed her once more as tears streamed down her face. So that was the day she tried to tell me her secret: she was pregnant. If only Benjamin Church hadn't disrupted that moment. Life might've been very different. We certainly would not be standing here now, about to say our farewells again.

Ziio was thinking the same. Her head spun in all directions, trying to make the links. The forest was only too familiar to her. She may have had more memories here than I did. Finally, she faced me...and her eyes fired arrows straight into my soul, burning my confidence to ash.

"So...this is...goodbye," I squeaked. Look at her properly...

"This is it." When I gazed at her once more, her beautiful brown eyes shimmered. But not in the way they usually did: they gleamed with linings of tears. I rubbed my eye...only to find that mine were also wet. How did that happen? I thought, staring at the droplet on my fingertip.

Letting go of Bonnie's reins, I found myself coming closer to her. My heart could barely handle every quickening beat. Sadness rolled like waves in my throat, choking me. Ziio bit her lip. I wanted to hold her; to comfort her. But I didn't have the strength. A strong man like me was falling to pieces.

"Haytham...thank you," she sniffed. "For everything."

Her glossy mane of hair, her glorious skin, blinding eyes, soft lips...it was too much. She sailed closer, her eyes fixated on me. I couldn't look away. I was paralysed. My voice was absent. The tears tickled my cheek as they fell. I hadn't the courage to stop them."I will never forget this month," I breathed. "Never."

And she threw herself into my arms. I could've collapsed on the spot. I could've broken down like the pathetic man I was. I could've pushed her away, for my own good. But I didn't. The flecks of strength inside me told me to do it. I wrapped to shuddering arms around her back. She buried her head in my shoulder; I felt hot tears soak into my clothing. Both of us were falling apart. We could at least fall apart once more. Together.

I could barely hear nor feel the forest around me. My heartbeat surged through my ears; my arms clung to what I had left of her. Ziio's body shook somewhat; I gripped her tighter. Every ounce of emotion: of sadness, love, heartache, bitterness, was squeezed into this last embrace. I didn't care if we stayed like this for minutes, or hours. It was all I had left. All I could muster for the woman I still loved. The woman I'd always love.

She reached up to me slowly. I heard her kiss my cheek, but felt nothing. I was completely numb, like she'd drained all sense from my face. I blinked, and – looking at her bewitching face – let go. She loved me, too. I knew it. She was too weak to say the words. I wanted to say them, but couldn't. She was already stepping back; away from the kiss; away from me.

I wanted to fall down onto the earth as she turned. Further and further away she slipped, my arm still outstretched towards her. When she was just a brown-and-white silhouette, she began to run into the mouth of the forest.

Ziio was gone.

Gone.

It was later that I found out why she said nothing.

I kept my promise, making my bed with a heavy heart. The sheets were still creased where she lay. Already her ghost was haunting me; telling me that I should've said those words. Just three words – and she would've been happy. My guilt filled the house like a groggy mist. Even my staff sensed it when they arrived: they were sombre, and barely looked at me.

Why were we acting like this? Anyone would've thought Ziio had died, or moved across an ocean. She was only in the forest, and she was safe.

I opened my drawer to put away some clothing. In my carelessness, something fell out of the drawer, and I bent to pick it up. It was the sketch that Henry drew of Ziio. My throat tightened when I saw her flawless face. What's wrong with you? It's only a drawing.
How did it get here?

I turned it over, only to find two woven pieces of string pinned to it. Ziio's bracelets. I gasped. Had she left them here? But that wasn't the only thing: there was writing on the note, in enormous, slanted script. I sat down on my bed, astonished. My name was written at the top, and hers at the bottom. I began to read the words between the two.

And a tear escaped my eye.

Aww... :(

I hope you enjoyed part 2 of this Maroon 5 song-inspired chapter! I felt depressed just writing it...so, this is the penultimate chapter of Part 1! Part 2 will be very long, so brace yourselves! Haha ;)

Sorry for the long gap (again) between updates. Been a VERY busy week with after-school rehearsals and stuff. I just had literally no time in the evenings. But now I'm free! Woo!

Hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reading as ever!