Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Stephanie Meyers does. I don't own the werecats. Rachel Vincent does. This story has been adopted from Darkdefender89. Thank you.
A/N: There are some…spoilers…in this chapter for the third book of Vincent's werecat series
Ethan (Bella's brother)
"You really want to send us to spy on her, just like you did with Faythe?" I asked. I'm not really questioning my father. But now that Marc was regrettably gone, that left me to try to fill a void. Yes, I was one of Father's best enforcers, and I knew that I had to follow orders. But there were more important issues on hand. My father's upcoming trial being the main one, of course, and other cat issues.
Hopefully, there would be no more strays terrorizing foreign tabbies or Amazonian jungle cats raping Pride tabbies. Hopefully, but who knew what would come next? Life was crazy at the ranch. With Bella gone, Faythe was depressed, now and Jace was making not-so-subtle advances towards Faythe, who was politely declining him each time.
"Don't you care about your own sister, Ethan?" Father asked, mocking in a shocked tone.
"Of course I care about Bella!" I said.
"Then you know what to do," Gregory, my father said.
I sighed. Why did Bella have to pull a Faythe and leave the Pride, anyways? Bella should be here, where she belongs, training to be an enforcer. Not going to that red-neck high school and being watched by her unreliable, wildcat of a cousin Charlie. Who know what could happen. I, Mark, and the others had taken turns spying on Faythe, of course, so this discussion had been inevitable. When push came to shove, privacy didn't matter that much to us werecats.
Bella
The pain continued to course through my body. My senses had started to become clearer as the burning ravished my veins and tugged at my heart. I felt like an outside observer, lying on the couch. I was try ignoring the pain and remaining frozen in my supine stance, I listened to the Cullens interact with each other. But Edward was always near by. Even if I couldn't see him, I could feel where he was in the room.
"Why can't I see you anymore, Edward?" Alice asked.
I heard Edward sit in a chair next to my couch. I could imagine his hands were folded in his lap and his head tucked in and resting against padded body of the over stuffed leather chair.
"I'm right here, Alice," Edward said, his voice dragging on as if he was here but wasn't really here at all. There was something dismal, forlorn, about his voice.
"I mean your future," Alice said, her hands on her hips. I gave up trying to figure out what them two were talk about.
"What do you mean?" Edward asked.
"I mean, it's blurry. I have no clue what it means, Edward. It's always been, I either saw someone or I didn't. This is too weird," Alice said. "At least I can see you, so I know your not a werewolf." I can a touch of humor behind that remark. Must be some kind of private joke.
I had no clue what they were talking about. I guess seeing the future isn't that far out of the realm of possibility, especially when you're dealing with vampires and werecats.
"Your arm, Edward. At least let Carlisle have better look at it," Alice said. His arm. The arm I scratched. I deserve the pain I'm in. No "self defense plea" could excuse this. No freaking way. Faythe was so desperate to live after condemning her human boyfriend to the life of a werecat and then eventually killing him. But I was ready to give up on life. I didn't deserve to live, not like this. Not after what I did.
"I'm fine, Alice," Edward said.
"You're lying, Edward. I can tell that it is hurting you. I know you're trying to hide it, but you need to let Carlisle look at it," Alice said.
"Fine, after Bella done changing, Carlisle can do what he wants. I won't fight with him. I deserve the pain, but I still need to figure out a few things," Edward said, his voice coated with a heavy dose of self-hatred.
"That's not really what I meant," Alice said in a crystal clear voice, as if it were obvious. To me, it was.
"I don't get it, Alice. Why are you counting in Chinese? What is it you don't want me to know?" Edward asked, although there was no panic in his voice. Edward Cullen had no clue what was really happening to his body. A lot of things he said just weren't making sense.
"I mean, you're future is blurry. Not blurry as if it were constantly changing. Blurry as in it is hard to see," Alice said.
"I don't get it," Edward said.
"But isn't it obvious?" Alice said.
"What do you mean?" Edward asked.
"Your arm," Alice said.
"My arm's fine," Edward insisted.
"No its not. Besides, I don't think it's just your arm," Alice said.
"Then what do you think it is?" Edward asked. I heard him move his head to one side.
My heart started beating harder. More labored. In a sudden bust, it felt as if me heart exploded. My heart has stilled. One life ended, a new has begun. The only thing I can think of is the pain is gone.
Slowly, I opened my eyes. I sat up on the soft couch and took in my surroundings. 'I don't think it's just your arm,' Alice had said. Her words haunted me. My body shook, furious at myself for allowing this to happen.
The two stared at each other, as if the room was frozen, and time had stopped. For me it has.
There was something off in the jumbled scents that lurked in the air. My nose was attacked with a horde of scents that were so strong, so intense, that if I didn't know any better I would suspect I was currently in my cat form. No these were even stronger. Wow.
Although that is not the only thing that plaguing my mind. No, my haunts are far worse. I committed the unforgivable.
Then, I am struck with the stark contrast of the HD-like images I am used to when prancing around the forest in my cat form. No that still wasn't right. Its' like a human sees in in analog, the cat sees in digital, but this was like High Definition. Everything is clearer, to the slightest degree, than I have ever experienced. So this is what is different, I tell myself.
In my mind there is the confusion. Everything I feel about the greek god that is sitting very still in the red leather chair next to me, pales in comparison to the gravity of what is happening right now. Edward is different, no doubt. Was different I mean. Even before I happened to scratch him. What would happen to him now, even I had no clue. Was Edward Cullen transforming into a werecat? Even if he was, I had no clue how to aid him through the process. I had never watched the transformation take place, and even if I had, I expected that it would happen differently as far as Edward was concerned. Everything was different as far as my Edward was concern.
My? Where in the fucking hell did that come from?
All of a sudden, an unfamiliar (but it was familiar, for three days) painful sensation struck me. My throat felt dry. It was as if fiery flames were licking me from the inside. It had banishing any and all liquids from alleviating the drought. Almost as an instinctual response, my right hand flew up to my throat and rubbed the hard pale flesh of my own skin. I vaguely remember Edward doing this once when I tried to talk to him once.
I pulled my hand back and I stared at the flesh of my hand with blatant disgust. Look at how pale, how deathly snow white, how fragile, it looked. Belying I must have made some sort of sickening expression on my face because as soon as I looked up again seven beautiful, pale figures were by my side, staring at me with soft, mournful expressions on their obviously distraught faces.
"Hello," I said. It felt silly, to just say 'Hello.' What a simple phrase this one word, and how out of place it seemed. For some reason it felt like I knew these people, like they were family, my ancestors, even. I was plagued with contrasting emotions towards these beautiful people. 'They did this to me!' I was screaming inside. 'They are monsters, get me out of here!' At the same time, I wanted to place my hand on their breast bone and call them family.
The tiny, pixie-like one with the dark black hair was carrying a frown on her angelic face. It was a sharp contrast between how I suspected she usually acted and how depressed she was right now. I felt like running up to her while whispering soft words like 'It's okay, how could you know?' The words taunted my parched lips. My sister, please smile.
And the one hunched in the chair, his arms were wrapped around his weary body. The dark, never fading scratch mark was all too visible. The way he hides his face. The way his dark bronze hair almost appears blood-stained in the odd angles of the light shining on his head…Edward… No more words plague my mind. What else can I say? The obvious words assault my senses and I find that I must say them.
"I'm sorry," the words rush out of my mouth. They carry such a velvety, sing-song quality that I am not uses to. Within seconds, I am by the huddled angel's side. "Edward…" I whispered. I placed my hand on his shoulder and for some reason this feels awkward. I cannot find inside me the rage that I suspected I am supposed to be feeling.
"You're sorry? I'm the one who attacked you…" he said. His words were tainted with a powerful self-hatred. It was a guilt that was strong enough that it could lead one to self-induced death.
"But I scratched you…" I whispered. Saying the words out loud would make it feel more real. I stood up and held my hand out for Edward. After a moment of awkward silence, I found my voice. "What are you?" I asked. "You're different. A normal human couldn't have attacked that large of a cat and not survive to tell the tale. And the pain I was in, it was different than the shift back to my human form. I'm sure some sort of change took place. I can sense my body is different now." I was sure that I should not be this calm and collected. It is part of who I was. Something I would not relinquish.
"Vampire," Edward whispered, confirming my fear. "I'm sorry, for condemning you to this half-life," he said.
A short, bubbly figure bounced in between us, finally smiling. "Nonsense!" she said. I could tell she was holding herself back. She smiled, revealing her sharp, perfectly white canines. Razor sharp but no fangs, what else was different than the old stories "My name is Alice, and you must be Bella! And this is perfect! It's like you've met in the middle!"
"What?" I said, taking her hand and smiling awkwardly. I looked from Edward's pale face and black eyes to Alice's perfect calm golden eyes and wondered what Alice was talking about. I knew that Edward was probably, turning into some sort of werecat. Maybe a hybrid, I don't know.
Is that what I am now? Could I still change?
"I see the future, silly!" Alice said. "Use to, I couldn't see yours at all, but now your blurry! Edward's future is blurry two, but you guys are going to…" Before Alice could get the words out, Edward had jumped up and covered Alice's mouth with his hands.
Breaking away, Alice sighed. "Okay, okay, I won't tell her. But you can't fight fate forever." I wondered what Alice was talking about, but I decided not to let it bother me for the moment. I was already on sensory overload. hat ever he didn't
"We have another problem, though," I said.
"What?" Alice asked.
I took a deep breath to try and calm the butterflies in my stomach. My lungs didn't cry out for air anymore. There was no instant gratification. Weird. The fact that I didn't need to breathe was an uneasy feeling. Did I need to breath anymore?
Thinking in straight lines was harder now. Despite that, I pushed on.
"When my sister, Faythe, left my Pride to go to college, my family sent Enforcers to spy on her. I am not that convinced that they haven't been spying on me, as I am the Alpha's youngest daughter. Also, it is a crime to infect a human and I will probably be punished."
The look on Edward's face could have sent a hundred men to they death if looks could kill. He didn't like that. But I pushed on, "when Faythe accidentally infected her human boyfriend, she was threatened with death. Somehow she ended up getting off on community service. I don't think my family knows about you guys…"
"The werewolves know…" said the heavy, dark haired one. I later found out his name was Emmett.
"Werewolves? They really exist?" I asked surprised. "I knew that Bruins existed, but werewolves, I had no clue. I thought they were a made thing, like vampires." The last two words came out in a whisper.
"What are Bruins?" Emmett asked.
"Basically, they are shape-shifters who shift into the form of a bear," I said. Emmett grinned from to ear at this news.
"Rose, slap him." Edward spoke up from where his was sitting. He was resting his elbows on his knees. For a moment, he looked like a tired old man. I had to blink to push the mental image away.
"Don't even think about it," Rosalie snarled and slapped the back of Emmett head. Emmett gave Edward a long look that I didn't understand.
Ooookay, I thought, partially disturbed by all this. "Anyways, I don't know what they'll do when they find out," I said, hesitantly.
"Then we don't let them find out," the skinny, blond haired one (Jasper) said. "Our kind has been doing it for thousands of years."
"I don't think that's all that possible. They won't just let it go, and it wouldn't be easy to make them think I'm dead, because it's not that easy to kill me. I mean, before this happened, they would have suspect that another werecat did it. They wouldn't give up searching until they found who was responsible. I don't think we can hide from the truth," I said.
And that was what I was afraid of. What I would always both fear and love: my family, my Pride, my homeland, my culture. I was holding onto it with a feeble, half-heated grip. I'm a freak. I don't know who I am anymore. Where do I belong in this world? I must be some sort of cross between a vampire and a werecat, and that soon Edward will be one, as well. Hybrid. It was strangely comforting to know I wouldn't be the only one. Then I felt bad for being glad to have cursed someone to my way of life.
"First,You need to hunt," Edward said.
"What? You mean drink blood? I have to kill someone?" I asked bluntly.
"Yes, to the blood. Stop worrying about the future so much. We'll can talk about these things later," Edward said.
I sighed and looked around the room. The burning in my throat has been continuously increasing. I tried to take my mind off of it, to no avail, of course. "Why does my throat burn?" I asked.
"That's the thirst," Edward said. "You need to hunt. It will help."
I walked over to the couch, hesitantly. I didn't want to kill anybody. Why did he bite me, though? Why would he bite a large cat?
Oh. It suddenly dawned on me, they must hunt animals. But what if animals weren't the only thing they hunted. Maybe Edward simply had an affinity for large cats? I buried my head in my hands. I was ashamed of the predicament I found myself in.
Was I a parasite? To be a vampire was to live like a parasite. I was to feed off the life-force of the living. Things that were breathing beings. Killing them. Destroying them. I didn't think I can do it. To kill a human, that would be impossible. To kill an animal, to kill something that I am half of the time? Such a task, such a task seems so unreachable.
But is it really all that different? Then a silent voice from a deep abyss inside my body asked me. Is it that different from hunting in my cat form. Like when I feed off of the meat of a wild deer? Yes, it's different, I wanted to scream. Those deer, they died instantly, they never had to suffer. I could help but wonder what must it be like, to have all of your blood drained from your body? What a slow and painful process that must be.
But it wasn't that different was it? And damn it, the burning in my throat was so damn painful. It wasn't the same kind of pain as the shift from human to cat. No, this was far worse. "I guess," I whispered in agreement.
"I will go with you," Edward said.
"No," Alice jumped in. "You stay here, let me and Jasper take her. Emmett should come too, in case she loses control." Lose control? What were they talking about?
"Hello, I'm right here," I said, expressing my mild annoyance with the tone of my voice. My eyes wandered across the room and after a moment I decided to let it go.
Hunting. I've used that word before, used it with cheery reflection upon waiting upon my werecat brothers as we roamed the forests together, often racing each other. This is different.
Alice showed me what to do. It was weird watching someone who looked so tiny and fragile leaping across the river and speeding through the forest. The still sane part of me was horrified as she pounced on an unsuspecting grizzly bear. She looked like someone right out of a mental institution.
I grinned, following Alice's example. I had always loved to run. The thrill of running, the wind gently tugging at my soft hair, the water gurgling in anticipation for my silent feet, did not change with my transformation. I still loved it. It still released me, soothed me. I was one with the forest. I am the forest.
I leaped over the river, just like Alice before me, experimenting with my new found agility. I attempted doing a flip in the air. I landed on my two feet in a bird-like stance and I grinned. This part I would enjoy. I was drunk on sensations. My brain had so much more room to process everything that was going on around me. I felt like a blind man that was seeing for the first time. Was this how all vampires moved and saw the world around them? How did humans not know these creatures were walking among them? A werecat looked and felt human in all ways. Until they changed form.
What was that I smelled, that thing lurking in the heavy air that taunted my senses and made my throat cringe with fire? I followed the scent and soon came face to face with another bear, and I pounced on the bear. It felt like someone else was in my body, or I was in my cat form, except that I was not, this was a skinny dark haired girl who probably appeared to weigh no more than 115 pounds, and here she is twisting a wild beast's neck, piercing her teeth into its warm flesh, and what is this divine substance pouring down my throat and devouring the flames?
I fall to the ground and stare at the lifeless beast, the bear; I stare, in hidden agony, at its beautiful, matted fur. I feel like I should be crying when I see the blood stains on the dead bear's dark fur. Some form of emptiness clings to my core, and I realize that the divine substance that was pouring down my throat was blood and that my throat has already burst into flames, all over again, and what is this, some repetitive, unmerciful cycle?
Edward is right, maybe he is right, I could see it in his eyes that he thinks that this is hell on earth.
I stand up and with one hand push the dead beast aside me and I push aside my grief, after all, I have killed before, yes for food, and I guess this is my food now.
I stalk my prey and let the blood flow down my throat.
"Are you done?" Alice asked.
"We were lucky," I heard Emmett mumbling. I wonder, what did he mean?
"Yes," I said, staring at the ground.
And then we return to the Cullens' house, and I wonder how things will work out, dreary they must be, am I right? There is still so much I have to worry about; so much that will never make sense.
And is this me, walking side by side angelic figures, what a deceiving allure; is this me, exiting the forest and wiping my feet at the doorstep, walking into a house not filled with a bunch of rowdy, hormonal cats? Is this me?
I guess it is, I realized, and maybe, just maybe, I don't really know who 'me' is anymore.
So tell me, please…is this me? Because I can't help but feel like I'm watching everything play out, as it is, so far away, so distant, so unreal. I am not the main character, am I? I am walking off the stage, meandering into someone else's life. This is not me.
This is me. This is not me. Where was me?