Chapter 8
M wakes with a dry mouth, not knowing where she is. Slightly raised voices from the suite must have woken her up. Her head pounds and her mouth is dry but she's still dressed. M can just make out their voices.
Where is she?
She's sleeping Mr. Bond. Would you care to have some coffee. I have more coming with our breakfast. I must admit that I was not expecting three for breakfast.
You spent enough time alone with her last night. What I would like now, is to see M.
M is fine, she stayed in the spare room. There is nothing going on here to concern yourself with, and it's hardly the business of one of her agents if there were.
I'm sure you know by now that I am more than just her best agent!
M moves to sitting woozily as she hears a soft knock at the door.
"Come...and bring some water Bond." She manages painfully.
Bond opens the door, as M protects her eyes from the sudden piercing light. He moves to her side and sits beside on the bed, her giving her the bottle of water.
"So you came here to drag me away finally?"
"I didn't think you wanted me to disturb you last night, and in all honestly I fell asleep on the sofa waiting for your return."
M takes a long drink of water and smiles at him. "Thank you."
"No problem M, it is just a bottle of water."
"No Bond, thank you for not barging in and creating a larger mess than necessary. I know you wanted too but I am still finding my way in all of this."
Bond sighs. "I know M, and so am I."
M looks at James in confusion. "I don't understand."
"I've never really felt this way about anyone before. It hit me like a punch to the head once I figured it out."
"What exactly did you figure out?"
"That I diverted the strong feelings I was having for you to Vesper. Once she betrayed me, it lead me back to my original attraction, you."
M places the bottle of water on the bedside table and stands slowly. M's still in her beautiful green dress from the evening before, which Bond is very glad to see.
"I think this is all a case of desiring someone you cannot have Bond. I'm the authority figure in your life and that is your kink. The dominating boss and headmistress fantasy is your thing James, admit it."
"Maybe you're right. Or perhaps it's because I almost lost you! Skyfall on that bitter night when another man who was also obsessed with you, tried to take you away from me. From us! Eve, Q, Tanner, your children and grandchildren! How can my loving you be so wrong? I promise you I am not a Silva in the making. I walked away last night and I will do it again if you don't want me."
"James...I...it's all just too soon."
"I know. Tanner told me and I understand. I will wait for you."
M looks unconvinced. "You and I may have different definitions of waiting and I cannot hold you to any fidelity clauses, what with your job. This is a problem for me. I dislike sharing."
Bond stands and grabs her hand. "I am yours to order and to accept if you wish. Eventually I hope you will. As for Arthur...I would like to shoot him, but I understand if he makes you feel more comfortable. It will bother me but I have no right to tell you who to love."
"I hardly love Arthur, James. I like him, but I never considered him in a romantic sense at all. Even if we once shared a drunken passionate kiss, during New years long ago."
Bond smirks. "Oh really? Do tell M?"
"It was a moment that he capitalized on, much like you that night in my bath."
Arthur knocks on the door. "Come in Arthur." M calls.
He enters. "I just wanted to tell the two of you that breakfast is here if you care to join me?"
"Yes. That would be lovely Arthur, thank you. If you will excuse me I would like to freshen up."
James nods and joins Arthur leaving M to go to the bath.
"So James, you are enamoured of M, I can tell. I saw the way you looked at her last night during our meal."
"Yes. I care about her."
"She cares about you too."
Bond appears shocked by his statement. "How would you know?"
"I put her to bed last night after she fell asleep on the sofa. I kissed her forehead and said goodnight love. M's half asleep response was your name. I wish to hell that was not the case, but James was all that passed those beautiful lips."
"How long have you known her?"
"I should have met her before her husband, but the fates intervened and they met and fell in love instantly. I have never been more envious of a man in my entire life."
Bond smiles. "I understand that myself."
"How long did it take you to realize you wanted a woman old enough to be you mother?"
"I think I wanted her the moment I saw her, but I shook my head and thought I was becoming strangely attracted to women in power."
Arthur chuckles as he hands a coffee to James. "I suppose I would have thought the same when I was your age, but Olivia is someone special. I've been married twice, unsuccessfully because the woman I wanted, married my friend. No amount of money, family influence, nor the trappings of power could sway her to me. I tried to lure Nigel away with jobs elsewhere in the world but he would not leave her. Olivia...M she did not even notice my attraction to her until we shared a passionate moment in 87. Unfortunately we were drunk and she brushed it off as a New Years kiss."
"She does brush things off, but you tried to make Nigel leave her?"
"Not after they married...while they were dating. I prayed that she would get in a fight with him and leave, then I would profess my undying love for her. Ahh…but the romance of youth. It mellows with time but then we did see each other socially."
"That's not easy. I see her at work, only when she need me, and I find myself craving those moments."
"As did I, whenever I joined her for a social occasion. My heart rate would increase at the mere prospect of spending an evening in her presence. She has always been a bitter treat to my soul. You and I understand each other. Neither of us would deliberately hurt M, but in the end, it's her choice."
"Yes it is." They turn to see M standing in the door to the bedroom. She must have showered because her hair is damp.
"I hate to interrupt this male bonding, but I hope you left some coffee and food for me?"
Arthur smiles and pulls out a chair at the table for her. The three sit down and begin to eat.
Bond's mobile goes off so he excuses himself to talk to Tanner to tell him to take Eve for that hike without them.
Arthur leans over to M as says quietly, "that young man is in love with you."
M scoffs at his remark. "Words...how can that be true?"
"You and I both know the allure of power yes, but it is more than that for him. You and he shared a traumatic event didn't you?"
"Yes we did."
"Did it have anything to do with a former agent from Hong Kong and the bombing of your office?"
"Arthur! How did you...oh never mind."
"Nigel shared with me the concerns he had about an agent falling for you. We both knew it was inevitable but the instability in Tiago Rodriguez was the real danger."
"Arthur I'm shocked he told you, and that you know this at all."
"And I told you my dear, that I have been keeping an eye on you for a very long time."
James rejoins them and says that Tanner and Eve are off on a hike and will return later.
They enjoy small talk as they eat breakfast. M laments that her head is pounding as, James hands her some painkillers and juice.
"Arthur how are you not hung over?"
"Practice my dear, lots of practice. What are the two of you going to do for the rest of the weekend?"
James looks at M and waits for her response.
"I am to try to begin walking without the use of my cane to strengthen my ankle."
"I think James is dying to help you do that Olivia. I on the other hand will reserve a chess board for afternoon tea. I would like you to join me to enjoy a rematch my dear. I think it is only fair that if you will not choose one of us, that we share your time."
"What did I tell you about using my name Arthur?"
"Be that as it may, M it's a good plan."
M crosses her arm under her breast and pouts like a girl. "Fine, but I also want an hour or two to myself to read...oh... and dinner with Tanner and Eve."
"Sounds good M. I will message Eve and tell her to make reservations for the five of us."
"I don't need to intrude on your dinner agent Bond."
"Arthur, you can join us, I insist." M says as she grasps his hand beside her on the table.
Bond notices their hands clasped on the table but holds his reaction in. Arthur smiles at M as they finish breaking their fast.
Bond escorts M to their suit and she changes into comfortable jeans and a cowled jumper of black and grey.
Her hair and makeup are a well done, as if heading to the office. M has her cane but Bond takes it from her.
"You need to work the ankle. You can lean on me if you need to and we will go slowly. Let me know when you can take no more and I will carry you back in time for you date with Arthur."
"James. I'm shocked you agree to let me spend more time with Arthur?"
"M, I only care for your wellbeing and happiness and if he can give it to you, then I will step aside."
"That is very mature of you James, and I appreciate it. I enjoy spending time with men who do not pressure me into unwanted situations."
"Promise me one thing M."
"What?"
"That you will be honest with the two of us. I want to know before I walk in on you in bed with him. Tell me if you chose him over me."
"Bond...I...fine….I will. I promise that if I chose Arthur, I will tell you. I won't choose him, but I will make the promise to appease you."
"If you really want to appease me M...I can think of so many ways."
"Bond! Stop the flirting."
"With you M that would be like asking me to stop breathing."
"You're incorrigible."
"I know, and you are incredibly beautiful in casual clothing, M."
They leave the suite and exit the hotel. It's a beautiful day and M's headache dissipates. Her ankle is still a bit sore but Bond holds her up against him to alleviate the weight she puts on her foot. He wraps his arm around her waist as they walk along.
The seaside is wonderful. Families play in the surf and children squeal in happiness. M cannot help but remember the times she spent at the seaside with Nigel and…
M stops short and turns away from the happy families and looks at James. He smiles down on her with that million pound smile. The damn man is more handsome than most actors these days.
Could he really want her...all of her? The moody demanding unlovable…
Bond and Arthur are sexually attracted to her, but it would fall by the wayside once they spent anytime with her. Her own children have nothing to do with her. Then there was Nigel...there is so much guilt...whenever she thinks about him. It makes her angry and sad. It was not suppose to end like that. For christ's sake...it should have been her, if not by a stray bullet, then perhaps a well placed bomb. Something as dramatic as Skyfall at least.
If M had died in James's arms a martyr to the cause, she could have been with Nigel again. But then again after all that she has done...perhaps not. No there was still much that needed doing and she has to rebuild her reputation after that Silva fiasco.
Arthur and James don't know how distant the two of them were in the last 3 years of their marriage.
Nigel, was once the love of her life, but in the end they seemed more like strangers. He was the old professor who spent as much time in his books, as she spent at her office.
"Nigel had affairs."
There she said it. It lives in the air between them now. M wonders if Bond will deduce by her admission that she feels responsible and guilty for the way her once wonderful union degraded.
In the end, Nigel became that professor who slept with his overachieving students. As M managed her handsome pawns around the globe and pretended that it didn't crush her heart.
She cannot go through that again! M told Bond that she cannot share and it's true. Having Nigel cheat almost destroyed her and she came very close to leaving MI6 to save her marriage.
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M knew he strayed...had one night stands when the children were very young and she was too tired...
They exploded at each other yelling obscenities and threatening each other. Tears and fighting became too much and M spent the night at the office. She stayed up all night looking out over London and pondering her marriage.
M owed Nigel. He had stayed and raised the children as well as managed the house, learned to cook for the kids when they were young. It was not until they were in their teen that the cracks became larger and more apparent.
The late 1980's in Hong Kong, it was a new start but it became strained, partially because of Tiago. The higher she climbed the more she was away. Nigel wrote manuscripts, doing work at distance.
A few of the more advanced grad students made trips to visit them...M agreed to house them one at a time hesitantly. Nigel was insistent he could get more work done with them that way, and it was not like the children came with them.
The first was a male and at their flat for a couple of months. It went well enough but the second was a beautiful 25 year old brunette...it was inevitable. Nigel was a very handsome tall man with chestnut hair, just turning grey. Alexandra was half his age, Hong Kong was an exciting exotic background for an affair.
It was hardly difficult for them to pull off since M was constantly working. When she came home early to hear them in the throws of passion, she turned and left to avoid the confrontation. M walked back into the office and Tiago was there. He followed her to her office and found her crying and furious. M ordered him to go. He grabbed her and kissed her passionately...just like Bond did. For a few moments she got lost in him...like James.
The difference was...Tiago couldn't let it go...he became obsessed and worked to prove his worth to her in hopes she would become his.
Frankly, she was shocked at Tiago's desire for her. Again she was much older but he attempted to justify it because he knew her husband was currently inside a much younger woman...and turnabout is fair play.
Tiago pointed out the irony of her saying she was too old...when it works so well for the opposite sex.
M stood her ground knowing that there would be no going back to Nigel and she could not live without him.
Nigel accused her all the same...saying she slept with the men under her. An accusation that she adamantly denied.
After the fighting calmed, Olivia stood in front of her husband and asked him if he wanted a divorce.
Nigel grabbed her shoulders and shook her. She began to panic, thinking he was about to turn violent, but he pulled her into a crushing embrace and cried. Nigel told her that he could never live without her and she needed to make more time for them.
M remembers the passion of their make up...she did not go into work for two days claiming illness and Nigel did not let her leave their bedroom. He brought her food and wine, candles and even went out and purchased lingerie for her. There was always good mixed in with the bad.
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"What? How or why...did you know and do nothing? Christ M...you didn't blame yourself did you?"
"I was never there. I was a terrible wife and mother. I made my excuses that the country needed me more and then it was too late. The children had grown and Nigel had found diversions."
"Jesus M...that is not...even if he did, that was his stupid loss. How could you consider yourself worth that sort of abuse. I would never look at another if you were mine."
"I tried harder after. He knew I would. He did it more for my attention then for any desire for the other women. When the children were young I only let it go on so long, and by the time we came to the seaside every summer for holiday...Nigel would have ended it with who ever he was currently flirting with. For those two weeks we were a normal family. The children would be wiped out tired from swimming all day. Mum and dad reaffirmed that they loved each other and fell into bed to make love like they were twenty-four again. Without the weight of the world on our shoulders, the weight of age and responsibility, and no guards."
"You came away without guards?"
"That was so long ago James that I was not even M. It was before Hong Kong and Silva."
"M...did you and Silva?"
"Did we what? You better not be insinuating that I crossed that line Bond."
"Sorry M. It was just that he was so obsessed with you."
"I know but it was all just deluded fantasy just like you."
"M...I told you…"
"Stop Bond. I didn't mean it that way. If I had slept with him there would be no lasting fantasy. Despite what fiction and film lead us to believe. There is no all encompassing obsession once the dead is done. Once you taste the forbidden fruit the fantasy is gone...wasted in reality."
"I would hardly consider time as your lover a waste."
"Bond...you understand don't you?"
"Yes, but I would never bore of you M."
"You say that now, but...I don't have the luxury of time now do I?"
"M...I don't care about the outside. I want you for who you are and I barely know the real you. The woman who came to the seaside with her family and made passionate love with her husband to heal the hurts between you. I want that with you. I want everything about you M."
They stopped walking and M is leaning up against a railing. They look at each other until M becomes nervous and looks down at the ground.
"James...when we are alone...would you call me Olivia?"
James smiles. "I would be delighted. Nice to meet you Olivia." He shakes her hand exaggeratedly as others walk by.
M notices the way women are looking at Bond. Two women in bikinis trying desperately to get his attention.
"You have some admirers James." M says and James looks around them and glances at the two young women.
"Not interested M. In fact I think I need to get you back soon. You are slowing down, don't push the healing to quickly M."
"You just want to avoid the admirers becoming more outgoing right in front of me. I told you. They all think I am your mother or aunt."
Bond ducks and kisses her suddenly. M can see the two women behind James looking on in absolute shock. Their mouths hanging open as they see him kiss her.
M's distracted by them but notices that Bond's kissing her with a building passion. M grasps the front of his shirt, fisting it in her small hands to try to keep her balance.
Suddenly a throat clears behind them. M pulls away and opens her eyes again to see Bill Tanner standing with his arms crossed in front of him. Eve is giggling beside him with her hand held over her mouth.
"Bond...M. What is going on here?"
"Tanner will you just mind your own business and stop...blocking me from achieving any moments of pure bliss."
M moves away from both men and links arms with Eve heading back towards the hotel. "I think those two need some alone time to work out their issues."
"I think you're right M."
"Besides, I am suppose to meet Arthur for tea. You can join us Eve. It will be fun."
"Won't I be blocking Arthur M?"
"Yes you will but none of them have a chance anyway Eve. As far as I'm concerned this weekend is for friends and conversation."
The two women leave Bond and Tanner behind as they walk slowly because of M's ankle.
"That kiss with Bond did not look like simple conversation M."
"Eve...I cannot help that the man keeps blindsiding me with his overly aggressive displays of affection."
"I think I have actually witness something I never expected to ever see."
"What is that Ms. Moneypenny?"
"James Bond head over heels in love and you looked very content also M. Don't deny it. You got lost in his kiss."
"I was distracted by our female observers look of disgust and shock."
"What? Those to women might have looked shocked but the were not disgusted. In fact they both looked happy for you...they thought it was cute and so did I."
"The lot of you will be the end of me."
"M we love you."
"I am beginning to realize that. I don't think I ever expected all this, with my job and at this time of my life."
"Just roll with it M. You don't have to be lonely now. We can go shopping, see movies or even go to concerts or the theatre."
"I do believe that this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship." M says as she looks at her lovely secretary.
Eve laughs. "I love Casablanca...we should watch it tonight!"
M smiles. "That is a brilliant idea. We will need popcorn."
"Yes and I suppose we should invite the boys...and Arthur."
"I almost forgot. We have to meet Arthur for dinner tonight."
"Maybe we should just have him over to the suite and order room service." Eve exclaims excitedly.
"I will allow you to plan it Eve. I need to beat the man at chess again."
"How about dinner at seven with a movie to follow?"
Tanner and Bond catch up to them. "What are you two planning?" Tanner asks.
"What makes you think you two are invited?" Eve teases and M laughs.
M's leg is bothering her and she begins to lean heavily on Eve. Tanner sees and scoops her up into his arms and continues walking back towards their hotel.
Bond's hand grabs Tanners shoulder and spins him back to face an angry looking Bond and a overly amused Eve.
"What do you think you're doing Bill?"
"I'm carrying M...what does it look like. I've the most practice at it so back off Valentino."
M laughs holding tightly to Tanner's neck.
Bond moves to take her from Tanner but Eve grabs his arm. "Let him have this Bond. It is his fault she tripped on his case to begin with."
Bond shrugs his shoulders. "I cannot catch a break."
Eve gives Bond a kiss. "I think Arthur is right. This weekend is a team building exercise."
"I was hoping for a little more romance and a little less intrusive...team building."
"Slowly Bond...remember."
"Alright Eve. For you anything. However, if your boyfriend doesn't stop scooping my love into his arms I am going to be a very unhappy man with a licence to kill."
The end.
Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed. :)