Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit.

AN:

So I'm doing the author's note now, because you'll all be too angry with me by the end of this to read it. I apologize in advanced, and would ask that you stick with me even though it will get tough.

Thanks for all the amazing reviews. We're almost at the end now. In fact, I've only got one more chapter to write. Your continued support means the world to me.

Now, I was thinking the other day about this story, and about the sequel, and I thought it might be fun to do a little contest for anyone out there who has an artistic eye. I'd really like a better cover image for this story than the crappy five minute Photoshop job that I have up there now. So, if anyone is so inclined, you can submit a cover by uploading it to my Dropbox. Simply go to the link in my bio and drop it off. I'll leave the contest open until the end of the month, by which time I hope to have at least one chapter of the sequel up. The winner will get to give me a prompt (non-M rated and within plausibility) which I will include into the sequel!

Chapter 40: Pains of the Soul

"Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone."

― Mitch Albom

Fighting alongside Tauriel caused Gemma to seriously re-evaluate her perception of the elf. Before, she had her concerns about her relationship with Kili. It was sudden, too sudden, and Gemma just couldn't believe that they had truly fallen in love. Which made her the world's biggest hypocrite. As she got to know the somewhat reclusive elf-maiden, however, her reservations had begun to diminish. Now, any doubt she had was washed away by the sheer ferocity with which Tauriel battled to get to Kili. Gemma was quite certain now that, given the opportunity, she and Tauriel could become quite good friends. She'd have to tell Kili of her approval when she saw him next.

Fighting alongside Tauriel also made it abundantly clear that Gemma was not cut out for this. She might have the muscle and tactical mind for it, but she lacked the finesse and instinct which made her elven companion a natural warrior. It was quite obvious to her now that she would have been very dead if it weren't for the fact that the orcs were not supposed to kill her. But even then, she was still fighting for her life, as clearly not all of the creatures had received the memo. She stumbled through battle after Tauriel, feeling clumsy and... and...

Oh.

Gemma clutched her abdomen, sudden pain coursing through her again. Tauriel, taking notice, ceased her frantic calling for Kili and swiftly dispatched her last opponent. "Gemma!" she called, all propriety forgotten.

"I'm alright," Gemma said as the elf came to her side, though her hunched position seemed to say otherwise.

"You're bleeding."

Gemma wanted to quip that it would be a surprise if she wasn't, considering they were in the middle of a war, but then she realised that Tauriel did not mean bleeding from an injury. Hot blood dripped from her nose, down her face and into the snow below. Gemma raised a trembling hand and tried to stop the flow. Good God, what was Sauron doing to her?

The blood stopped quickly and the pain soon after, which was lucky because the two women were soon hit by a second wave of attackers. They struggled forward, Gemma still wary of her weakened state. Soon, they came to the upper levels of the crumbling fortress, close to where Gemma had last seen Thorin and the others. They weren't there anymore, but the din of battle had become much louder. They had to be close.

The first friend Gemma spotted was not actually a dwarf. Bilbo stood not too far off, launching rocks at three or four orcs advancing on him with surprisingly masterful aim. A new fear gripped Gemma's heart. She had been so worried about Thorin and Kili that she had forgotten about Bilbo; sweet Bilbo, who had no real battle training. She sprinted towards the hobbit without a second thought.

One of the orcs advancing on Bilbo thought it would be sneaky. The brute had skirted around the stone staircase in order to jump the hobbit from behind. But just as it stepped out of its hiding place, Gemma slammed into it at full speed. Both were surprised and went down in a disoriented mass of limbs. Unfortunately for Gemma, the orc was wearing plated armour, which meant the collision was much more painful for her than it was for the creature. The orc came to its wits first and manoeuvred itself on top of the woman in what was probably the most uncomfortable straddle Gemma had ever been a part of. Well... at least in the top three...

In this position, Gemma was pinned down with little room to move. Fortunately, the orc, rather than stabbing her immediately, decided to lean down and put its snarling face directly above hers, close enough that its putrid breath could be felt on her skin. With its body leaned over, Gemma was able to wrap her arm around its neck and bridge her body upward so that it was flush against the orc's, then used all her might to roll them over. Unlike the stupid brute, she did not hesitate to unsheathe her knife and plunge it into her enemy's chest.

Gemma tried to lift herself off the orc's lifeless form, but immediately collapsed on top of it once more as another bout of pain wracked her body. Bilbo rushed to her side and with his assistance she found her footing again. "Are you alright?" the hobbit asked with great concern.

"Oh yes, fine, fine." Gemma broke into a coughing fit. She wiped the back of her hand across her mouth, and it came away red with her own blood. "Actually no, I'm not really. An evil sorcerer is trying to destroy my soul and take over my body, apparently. But that's not important right now. Where's Thorin?"

Like Tauriel, Bilbo looked like he wanted to disagree with her on the importance of the matter, but wisely kept his mouth shut. Instead he replied to her inquiry. "Up there," he pointed to the top of the frozen river, near the waterfall's edge. "He's fighting Azog, and about a dozen other orcs."

Gemma nodded, and made to head that way, but was stopped by the sound of her elven companion's shout. "Kili!" Tauriel cried from across the courtyard, and rushed forward in the opposite direction from Gemma's position when the young dwarf's reply was heard.

"Tauriel!"

Gemma felt momentary relief, but the sound that followed his shout shattered that. The clang of intercepting swords rose from the direction of Kili's shout, followed by the sound of Tauriel's scream.

Gemma was torn. Should she go to Kili, or to Thorin. She didn't have long to make her choice, as in the next moment Bilbo, who had been standing by her side, pitched forward and landed still on the ground. It was warning enough for Gemma, whose fast reflexes allowed her to avoid being hit over the head with a goblin's club. She did not hesitate, throwing her trench knife like a dart so that it landed squarely between the creature's eyes. She retrieved the blade and ensured the goblin was dead, and then dove across the ground to Bilbo and hurriedly jammed her fingers against his neck, searching for a pulse. She nearly sobbed when she found it, steadily beating away. Bilbo was only unconscious, not dead.

She pulled Bilbo to a hidden alcove where she hoped he would be safe, and then stood, only to immediately fall down once more as another wave of pain spread from her gut. Gemma stumbled forward and was knocked down again. She clutched at her stomach in a desperate attempt to stop the terrible feeling that she was being ripped apart from the inside out. Giving up on walking, she crawled forward on hands and knees towards the sound of battle.

But not Thorin's battle. She had to trust that Thorin could take care of himself; she had to pray that he could, at least until she got there. Gemma knew that he would never forgive her if she chose to help him over his nephew, and she would never forgive herself if she let Kili die. According to Azog, the remaining young Durin was meant to join his brother next, and Thorin would follow last. Gemma could not allow this. She made up her mind to fight with her every breath, through all the pain of Sauron's internal attacks, to try to prevent this fate.

And she tried, oh she tried, but sometimes all the determination and fight one person can muster, no matter how strong, is not enough to stop fate.

Gemma crawled to the edge of the staircase, allowing her to look down on the battle below. Kili and Tauriel fought side by side with a natural harmony that made it look as if they had fought together for years, just like the instinctive rhythm with which Thorin and Gemma battled together. They were surrounded by a dozen orcs, and Gemma desperately wanted to go to them, to help improve their odds, but she could not. The pain in the pit of her stomach had hit a climax. It came in surges; momentary, deceptive relief was quickly followed by another round of agony, which made her feel as if every cell in her body was being pulled apart and reassembled. Helpless, she watched her friends face off against the enemy.

As Kili viciously dispatched an orc with a blow to the back, Gemma caught sight of his face. His eyes were bloodshot and watery, and his mouth was clenched in a hard line, giving the sense that he was about to burst into an angry rampage or dissolve into tears. He stabbed another orc in the back, and Gemma realized that he was killing all of them, every orc he fought, in the same way Fili was killed.

Unfortunately, this method, though heart wrenching, left a gaping flaw in Kili's defence. This mistake left Kili's own back exposed, an opening which one orc was able to exploit. Gemma spotted the pale orc known as Bolg only seconds before he leapt from his hiding place towards the young dwarf. "Kili!" she shouted in warning, since her voice was the only part of her body which still seemed to be working. Kili's reflexes were not fast enough to heed her warning, and he was knocked down by the orc and quickly disarmed. Thankfully, there was an elf nearby. Tauriel sprang at Bolg, catching the monster's war axe as Bolg prepared to use its spear-tipped butt to skewer Kili. With all her might, Tauriel pried the weapon back, wrapping her legs around the creature's neck as she did so in an attempt to subdue him.

Bolg, however, was far too brawny and large to be vulnerable to such a tactic, and, with little effort, shook Tauriel loose. Her body was flung against the nearby wall, slamming into it with a thud that made Gemma cringe even from her distance. Luckily, Bolg's distraction allowed Kili to roll out of the spear's path. He pushed off the ground just as the weapon slammed down where his head had once been, and caught the orc in a flying tackle.

At that moment, the pain radiating through Gemma's body lulled slightly, and she tried to take advantage of it. With far too much effort, she rolled herself on her side to free her gun from her hip. She was down to her last clip for the Sig, which probably only contained a few more bullets. This meant she'd have to make every shot count. Unfortunately, her body was determined to oppose this precedence. Her arms began to shake with the effort of aiming her gun, and, as the agony once more broke through, she could barely concentrate on her target. Bolg managed to shake Kili off, and for one tiny moment they were separated enough to provide a clear window for Gemma. She suppressed the pain as best as she could and, with trembling arms, she took the shot…

And missed.

The bullet whizzed past Bolg's head, mere centimetres away, but found no mark. Desperate, she pulled the trigger again, but the gun only clicked. It was empty. The great white orc turned towards her, looking for the source of the failed assault. When he saw her he looked momentarily surprised, but the expression was soon replaced by a malevolent grin that absolutely terrified Gemma. That was the grin of the devil; it was a grin that promised to deliver the worst possible torture. Gemma had seen that grin before, on the face of the man who had burned her.

Bolg grabbed Kili by the collar in a similar fashion to how Azog had held Fili, and it made Gemma's heart clench in terror. No, no, no… he couldn't kill Kili. Gemma refused to believe in even the possibility of both brothers being gone. She could barely accept Fili's demise as it was. God, she had never felt as useless as she did now, unable to help her family when they needed it most. So Gemma felt far too much relief when she saw a flash of red pounce on the orc's back once more. Tauriel would save Kili, and everything would be alright.

But Tauriel, despite being an elf, was not exempt from missteps. She held onto the other end of Bolg's axe with all her strength, but the slightest twist of her body was all that Bolg needed. The orc wrenched apart the elf's legs, releasing him from their vice-like grip, and used his war axe as a fulcrum, propelling Tauriel up and over him. She flew through the air and landed hard, rolling across the ground to the edge of the platform. It was a miracle that she did not fall right off. Gemma gripped the edge of the stairs is disbelief and horror as Kili screamed for the she-elf.

Tauriel slowly raised her head, and Bolg turned his awful grin on her. Gemma watched the inevitable unfold before her eyes in slow motion. The sharp tip of his war axe's handle pierced Kili's chest with a sickening sound, made worse only by its resemblance to the sound of his brother's final blow. Tauriel's sobbing gasp reached Gemma's ears, but sounded far too distant, as if it had come from the other end of a long tunnel. Kili's head turned towards the elf, and Gemma caught sight of his eyes, which shone with fear and bravery at the same time. They were locked onto Tauriel's own, and Kili's mouth quirked in the tiniest, saddest of smiles as he gazed upon his love, before he closed his eyes for the last time.

Gemma was suddenly very aware of her breathing, which sounded horribly loud in her head. When another wave of pain hit, she wasn't even sure if it was Sauron's spirit attacking her soul, or if it was simply caused by the horror that was taking place right now. Her hands gripped the stone edge of the top stair hard enough to draw blood, but her eyes were remarkably dry. Apparently, Gemma had no more tears left to cry, a fact that made her disgusted with herself. Kili deserved her tears, but none came, and none would come, not now at least. Gemma was no longer in denial. On the contrary, Kili's death had forced her to accept reality; Sauron had incapacitated her as his spirit took over her body, Fili and Kili were dead just as Azog had said, and Thorin would likely endure the same fate. And she could do nothing to stop it. Just like her mental illness, she couldn't fight the agony her body was experiencing with willpower alone. She couldn't save Fili, and she had failed her one chance to save Kili when she missed the shot. She would be powerless to stop the death of Thorin too, if he was not already gone.

Gemma watched Tauriel cry on the ground below, and wondered how badly it hurt her. She wondered if she would be able to bear the pain that would follow Thorin's death, after all she had gone through already. Then she wondered if she would even survive long enough to find out the fate of her fiancé. Perhaps Sauron would possess her body first, and then she would feel only cold apathy about all that had occurred. For the briefest second, the thought of feeling nothing was appealing. And then she was horrified with herself for ever thinking that. Gemma had made up her mind in the tower; she would use these last few hours to do all that she could in this battle, and maybe, if it were possible, find a way to cure herself. If not, she would end her own life before Sauron could claim it. The enemy didn't think her capable of it, but now she was sure that, when the time came, she would do what needed to be done. Perhaps she would even welcome death.

Gemma could not shake the feeling of empty sorrow as she gazed upon the body of her friend. She felt no anger as she watched Bolg yank his weapon out of Kili's body, and no fear as the orc advanced towards Tauriel. The numb sadness blocked out everything and made her feel weightless and distant.

Tauriel angry scream cut through the fog. The elf maiden launched herself at Bolg with all the rage that Gemma wished she could feel right now. Bolg tried to shake her loose, but Tauriel hung on and pushed forward, until both orc and elf went over the landing's edge together. Shock forced the emptiness out of Gemma's head and pushed her into action. She crawled down the steps, painfully slowly, and across the landing where dwarf and elf had battled against the orc. This led her past Kili's dead body, which she could not bear to look at. She crawled with closed eyes until she made it to the edge and could look over. Tauriel lay, alive but unconscious, on a small ridge that had once been a balcony.

A flash of white gold and a loud boom shocked Gemma out of her state completely. A tower had fallen from the other side of the waterfall, bridging the gorge. She caught sight of the gold flash again, and this time was able to see its creator. Legolas raced across the fallen tower, meeting Bolg in the middle in a fierce clash of swords. Gemma watched in disbelief as the orc swung his axe and hit the tower, breaking through and dropping both opponents to the second level. Sword and axe rang as they duelled, and the gleam of Legolas' weapon caught Gemma's transfixed gaze. She knew that sword. It was Orcrist. It was Thorin's sword.

She had forgotten that the weapon had been lost in Mirkwood. Throughout the battle, Thorin had been armed with an axe and shorter dwarven blade, but that had been lost at some point. Gemma knew that this sword was a far superior weapon, one that would benefit Thorin greatly in the battle against his mortal foe. Somewhere up there, Thorin was facing Azog without his sword. He was going to die.

It was enough to force Gemma into action. An overwhelming determination swept through her, and the accompanying adrenaline rush dulled the pain in her body. She pushed herself onto her knees, and then up onto shaking legs. She took slow steps towards the stairs she had just descended, staggering.

Kili's body blocked her path, bringing her up short. Gemma stared down at his lifeless form and then lowered herself onto her knees beside it. Gingerly, she brushed hair off his face, and then cupped it in her hands, lifting his head up onto her lap. The young dwarf, who had been so full of energy, so bursting with life, now felt cold to the touch and was hauntingly still. Gemma leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek. She allowed one small tear to escape. It rolled down her cheek and fell onto the body below.

Gemma lay Kili back down and pushed herself onto her feet once more. They felt steadier now, and the pain was even more inhibited, while her resolve was strengthened.

It was time to find Thorin.

AN:

Sorry to ruin your Labour Day weekend. The good news is, I'll hopefully have the next chapter (the penultimate) up earlier than usual, which will hopefully make up for this a little bit. Well, actually, it'll probably just make things worse.

Oh, I keep forgetting to include this. If you're looking for a unique post-BOTFA everybody lives AU story, check out AliceNotInWL's The Treasure Hunter and A King Under the Mountain,which I have the pleasure of beta-ing.