Authors note: A few of you asked about my friends preemie. He's doing great; so great in fact that he was sent home on Saturday.
APOV
"Absolute perfection. Perfection!" Kate walks in front of me and nods slowly, a cute little smile on her face.
"You missed your calling, Devin. You should have been a stylist. You somehow managed to pull off the innocent girl-next-door thing and sex vixen at the same time. No wonder the guy is stupid for you, Ana. Look at you, I'd do you!"
Turning towards the floor length mirror at Escala I take it all in. The sleek French twist, the dark eye makeup and stained lips, the soft pink fitted dress with big black lace appliqué down the side and the four inch nude stiletto heels that somehow make my short legs look a mile long.
"I look like an adult," I murmur, raising my hand to my hair to feel the smoothness under my fingertips.
"You are an adult," Devin deadpans, "You're getting married in 24 hours." My stomach hits the floor. One day.
Franco packs up his things and air kisses me, the promise to be at Kate's bright and early the last thing he says to me before the door to the guest room shuts. No sooner does the door shut then it's opened again, this time by my hotter than hot fiancé, dressed to kill in a black fitted Armani three piece suit that highlights all of the slopes and tapers of his amazing body.
"Wow, you look very handsome." And somehow he's mine amazingly enough.
"And you are breathtaking." He walks in and reaches for my hand, turning me as he does to get the full effect. "Anastasia you're stunning." He draws me closer, forgetting about the other two people in the room and curves his hand around my waist. "I think you should come home tonight," he whispers, his breath against my ear so erotic I squeeze my thighs together to alleviate the throb between them.
"She is not coming home tonight, tonight she is all mine!" Kate's voice drags us both back to the present, me with an embarrassed grin, him with an annoyed roll of the eyes.
"Yes, Ms. Kavanagh, I've been well informed." Turning to greet my friends he extends his hand to Devin and kisses Kate on her cheek before ushering us towards the door. "You all look fabulous, now let's go, Taylor's waiting for us in the great room."
Devin walks backwards, adjusting his pink bow tie. "Do you really think so? Because I was afraid I'd gone a bit overboard with the pink but how could I pass up a pink glitter bow tie? Had to special order it from Hotlanta of all places. What do you think of my new cut? I had Franco do a bit of a fade around the side and the back and then touch up the blue with something a bit more vibrant. And what about the socks? You can't imagine how difficult it was to find pink socks that matched with the tie and the undies."
"You match your underwear to your outfit?" Christian asks as I purse my lips to hold back the laugh I feel bubbling up.
"Uh, of course. Doesn't everyone?"
Christian just laughs and lets Kate and Devin walk ahead of us, dragging his feet intentionally. When we're alone in the hall he turns me quickly and presses me against the wall, his erection hard and long against my belly.
"There is no way I can wait until after the wedding, Ana. I can barely walk right now." To enunciate his point he moves my hand to his groin and grinds into my hand. "We need to sneak off at the house or I'll go crazy."
I continue to rub him while his hand goes under my dress only to stop, with a harsh gasp when his fingers find the top of the white stockings. "You have on," curiously he reaches around to look for a garter belt, which I'm not wearing, "oh my god, Ana." His forehead falls to mine with a groan. "Just stockings? You're trying to kill me."
"Me?" I squeak out when he cups my mound, the sharp bite of pain shocking me out of my sexual induced haze.
"Did I hurt you?" His smirk speaks to satisfaction, not concern so I smirk right back and slide myself out of his grasp.
"I'm a bit sore from the last two nights but I'll have plenty of time to recover so I'm not too worried." His eyes turn to slits but the corners of his mouth turn up at my teasing.
"I could help with that soreness you know."
"Ha! No you can't, you caused the soreness. Your penis and your tongue should have a warning label." I turn and swat at him, "And your fingers, they're part of this too!" And damn it right on cue I blush at the memories of the last two nights. On Wednesday he was rough; fast and hard, almost harsh in his treatment of my body but it was born out of fear and instinct. And though I enjoyed every minute of it and came over and over, my entire being was sore from my shoulders to my toes the next day. Some of the positions he put me in were hot at the time but now, they just seem like torture.
And while last night wasn't exactly all love making, it wasn't nearly as rough but it was just as long. He hadn't gotten home in time for the dinner I made for the Fredericks and my father but he was here for coffee and dessert which meant that the second everyone left, he had me on the counter in the kitchen. Then against the wall in the hallway, on top of the dryer where I was attempting to finish up my laundry before we left, in the closet as I tried to hang said clothes and then again in the bed before he finally let me sleep.
In other words, my daisy was dying for some down time.
"You look every bit the bride, baby." Ray steps back from his embrace and hands his camera to Devin who takes a few pictures of us standing at the makeshift rehersal area we're using tonight. In an effort to save time, we'll do everything at our new house. To Elliot's credit, the areas where we'll be hosting our families is clean and tidy. The kitchen is up and running as is the enormous back flagstone patio that leads out to the Sound which is the perfect panoramic view for an evening like this. So while the front of the house and the outlying rooms are still a construction zone, the backyard is absolutely perfect.
It takes a good ten minutes to say hello to everyone even though it's just our immediate families and the very few people involved in the ceremony but everybody is so excited, no one can seem to stop talking. It blows my mind to watch Ray mingling with Carrick or watch Grace adjust the strap on Missy's dress. These people are so incredibly important to me and they're all here in one place and for one reason. Us. Not one of these individuals is my actual blood family but to me, they are more family than I could dream for.
"Mr. Grey, Ms. Steele, when you're ready we can begin." Dorothy Riggio, a justice of the peace that Carrick has a long standing relationship with ushers our party towards the patio where Tucker stands, tablet in one hand, head set across his mouth and decked out in a pale blue summer suit.
"OK, everyone. Let's begin, I know the highlight of the night is getting this part over with so let's get moving. If you are not in the ceremony I'll ask that you please take a seat. Can I please have Christian and Elliot escort Mrs. Grey and Mrs. Trevelyan down to where they will be sitting? Carrick, you and your father in law will follow behind." The men do as they're told, all four looking especially handsome tonight.
"Good, Christian, kiss your mother and grandmother and then shake your dad and grandfather's hand, perfect." It's fun to watch him being borderline silly with the whole thing. To be bossed around has got to mess with his head in the worst way and I'm going to enjoy every second of it.
"Once the women are seated you two can stand here to Ms. Riggio's left. Perfect, just like that," he adjusts Elliot by holding his shoulders much to the amusement of Kate who is convinced that Tucker has a crush on him. "Once you're both in place along with the parents the processional music will start," he motions to a man to our left, "Darren that won't be played tonight, it's a surprise for our groom. Ladies, pretend to hear it. I'll send you out Mia when it's time and that would be…now!"
Mia holds pretend flowers in front of her and winks at a smitten Ethan, sitting off to the side to observe everything and then takes her place next to Christian and Elliot. "And now, Katherine. Slowly, this is not a short song but it is a short walk."
Kate grins wildly at me and walks down towards the front casually until Tucker yells out, "Less sway and more sweet please. Please no waving during the actual ceremony, thank you, much better...slower...good." Oh yea, he's got a thing for Elliot because he is not a fan of Kate's. "You will stand to the right opposite Elliot and now, Devin!" Devin holds his pretend flowers, serious as could be and walks with practiced steps towards the front. "Directly across from Mia here…perfect. Now! Ms. Steele, when I say…Go!"
"Go on, baby," Ray says softly when my knees turn to jelly. I move, my eyes looking everywhere but at Christian because I know if I do, I'm going to either pass out or burst into tears. This is real, I'm really here, practicing for our wedding.
"Slow down just a bit…good…now, Ray, you will pause right there and at this point I will hand everything over to Ms. Riggio until you hear the processional." Tucker waves his hand at Dorothy and bows out, sitting next to Casey and furiously making notes on his tablet.
I make it through the exchange between my father and Christian, I make it through the opening remarks by the justice of the peace, I make it through the poem we've chosen for Missy and Casey to recite but when Hem stands to read the scripture I've chosen I fall apart a bit inside. It's nothing obvious, I don't even think I made a sound but somehow Christian feels the shift and reacts in kind by tightening his hold on my hand and leaning in to gently kiss my temple.
And just like that, my world is right again.
Afterwards, we do it all again, this time much quicker and then retreat to the catering tent where a handful of tuxedo's waiters are passing out hors d'oeuvres and champagne. Ray has thrown an apron over his button down shirt and is manning the enormous built in grill while the caterers lay out the rest of the food. I doubt this was what he had in mind when he asked to throw us a bar-b-que but he rolls with it anyway with a smile so big I know his cheeks have to hurt.
One of Tuckers many assistants is ensuring that the background music continues to play while also monitoring the speed at which the drinks and food are being passed around. When he pulls Christian aside to have him get dinner started I can't help but stare at the man who will be my husband this time tomorrow.
Tall, confident and sexy as hell he gracefully maneuvers to the front of the patio, announces dinner and then shakes Ray's hand when he sees my dad's creation. It's a bit unorthodox to have an elaborate wedding that is costing an enormous amount of money only to have a down home cookout the night before but it's exactly what I wanted. Homemade simplicity that has meaning.
I feel like I've grown up so much in the last few months and if I'm honest, it hasn't all been fun. There have been some serious issues we've both had to confront and some harsh reality checks but we did it together no matter the cost. And sitting at the head of this oversized rectangular table is the biggest payoff I could imagine. My husband to be, his eyes fixed on mine as I make my way to the seat next to him.
These people, these individuals who share not one line of blood between them save for the Kavanaghs and Grace and her parents are my family. Ray, the Grey's, the Fredericks, Kate and Ethan, Devin and Casey, Missy and Logan and to my left, Christian. My Christian. In a three thousand dollar suit at a table decked out in white and pink peonies with cut crystal stemware and sterling silver forks he wipes barbque sauce from his chin because he knows this is what makes me happy. High elegance meets Montesano. The new Anastasia Rose Steele Grey.
With a smile that could slay me a thousand times over his eyes find mine and hold me there, breathless and happy. Around us conversation flows like water but I don't hear any of it. Consumed would be the right word. I am utterly consumed by him, his presence, his love for me and mine for him.
When the waiters clear away the dishes I notice a shift in Christian, a slight edge to his mood that wasn't there a few minutes ago but I brush it off and hold his hand when Kate stands to give a small speech. My normally stoic friend just stares at me for a minute, a folded piece of paper in one hand and a tissue in the other.
"Ana," she begins, her voice uncharacteristically small. "A little over five years ago I found you reading on the bed in what would become our shared dorm room and while you did your best to blend into your surroundings, you never could. There are few people in this world who can command a room and do so with nothing more than a smile. You are one of those few. Not because you're gorgeous, which you are, not because you're funny, which you are, not because you're demanding, which you're not. But because you radiate love and comfort and honesty from just being yourself." She pauses and smiles big at me, pursing her lips to avoid laughing.
"I'll never be able to thank you for talking me out of the spiral perm I wanted to try Sophomore year. I'll never be able to repay you for the countless tubs of Ben and Jerry's you bought after my many," she looks at Elliot and grins, "few bad dates. I can never give you back the time you spent listening to me whine about everything under the sun and I sure as hell can't show you enough appreciation for being the one to tell me that the sunless tanner I thought was amazing…was actually making me glow orange." I laugh and cover my mouth at the memory and then burst out laughing along with her.
"You are a wonderful, caring, compassionate, beautiful, loving, trusting, nurturing human being and if I get to share in your joy even the tiniest bit I count myself lucky." She rushes off the mic and hugs me, a tight squeeze that makes me miss our days of living in our apartment together.
"Mmmhmm, we all want to thank you, Ms. Annie for telling her about the day-glow tan she had going on." Devin turns to Elliot, "You're welcome. That girl would be a train wreck if it weren't for Ana. So, baby," he turns to me and my heart bursts. "I was going to try to be funny, talk about the way you used to wear white eye shadow in sixth grade and think it was cute, talk about how you used to ride your bike with your legs out like you were a duck, talk about how you lived for tater tot day in the cafeteria." He stops and gasps emotionally, his hand covering his heart. "But I don't have funny in me tonight. Because my baby, my love, my best friend, my family is getting married. You got a piece of my heart the minute you sat down in Mr. Morrison's fourth grade class and fell asleep on top of your corduroy purse. I wanted to shake you, yell in your face, make you acknowledge that nobody should be wearing corduroy not even on a bag but you were so beautiful and peaceful and serene that all I could do was hope to be your friend." He stops and collects himself while everyone giggles.
"You were the first person I was able to be myself with. The first person who knew who I was and cared only about my heart." He holds his breath with emotion, "I can never tell you how much that meant to me. You made me brave, Annie Steele. You made me feel good about who I was and it was you who reminded me of that acceptance when everyone else in my life fell away. I love you, Annie girl. So much. And while you may be getting married and growing up, you will always be the girl from down the street who thought it was cool to tuck your sweatshirt into your jeans. And you will always, always be mine."
He swings to Christian and pauses, "I always thought that when I gave the maid of honor speech at her wedding that I'd have to read her groom the riot act. But I don't. Not with you. Because you are a good man. A kind, generous, honest, open and loving good man. I knew it before you did and Annie knew it before then. I was supposed to hate you, talk badly about you, try to break you guys up, that's what best gay friends do. We're jealous sons of bitches. But I saw the way you looked at her, saw the way you spoke to her, saw the way you loved her and I knew that not only were you the one, you were the right one."
He raises his champagne and looks between us both. "I love you both and I'd wish you luck but I don't think you're going to need it. You have the real thing already and you both know it. Mazel Tov!"
Before I can stand to hug him Christian does, embracing him in what I can only describe as a bear hug, both of them patting the others back. I don't know what he whispers in Devin's ear but it's quick and elicits a laugh that they share between them alone. When I get to him he's still smiling but he says nothing, just holds me close and kisses my cheek. "I love you, Dev." I know him and crying in front of people is just too much for him. Too vulnerable so I just let him remain silent and hold him closer for a few seconds longer before releasing him into Casey's arms.
Moments later the lighter mood of the night has returned with a bit of dancing, led by none other than Devin who holds Hem's hands as he shows her how to 'shake what her mamma gave her' as he says. To my right my father is holding court with the Grey's and Jamodo, laughing at a joke he's shared with them. I'm thrilled that he's the one 'hosting' tonight because I know he's proud of how things turned out.
Kate and Elliot are dancing like lovers next to Mia and Ethan who are making out much to the disgust of Missy who thinks pda's are tacky. All in all the night has been perfect but I'm anxious for tomorrow and for the time we'll spend together afterwards. Simply put, I'm ready to be married and alone.
Looking around I don't see Christian anywhere and it's then that I notice how Carrick quickly excuses himself and walks briskly towards the open kitchen door, Elliot hot on his heels. It takes a minute for me to figure out there's an issue since all of the sudden half the party are around me doing their best to distract me but I'm not an idiot so I play along and keep one eye on the door until a waiter comes out, red faced and angry and stalks off to where the cars are parked. When he turns around at the last minute and flips us all the bird I'm shocked.
"How original," Devin quips next to me. "Go ahead, I know you want to go find your honey and find out what that's all about. But I swear, Anastasia Rose if you let that man within an inch of your thighs I will know and I will be one pissed off homo."
CPOV
"All night, Taylor. All fucking night and you've done jack shit about it."
"Sir, he's a waiter. He's supposed to be watching her to ensure that she doesn't need anything."
"He was staring at her. Her chest to be exact. Get him in here, I want to talk to him now." The catering manager has done all she can to calm me down and subliminally tell me I'm crazy but I know what I've been seeing for the past hour. I'll admit it too, if the guy had been ugly, I'd probably not care so much but he's young and good looking so he's skyrocketed to the top of my list. My shit list to be exact.
Within a minute he's standing before me, a cocky smirk on his face that I'd like nothing more than to punch right off.
"You wanted to see me, Mr. Grey."
"Do you have an ocular disorder?"
"Sir?"
"Ocular. Eyes. Is there something wrong with your eyes?" He blinks and crosses his hands behind his back just as my father and Elliot come in no doubt aware that my absence means something's going on.
"No, Sir."
"Then why have they been focused on my fiancée all night?" He blinks again, the color draining from his face.
"Mr. Grey, I wasn't staring at Ms. Steele, I was doing my job."
"The fuck you were. You haven't taken your eyes off of her since we got here. You think I don't notice that shit? I notice everything. I want you out of here now."
"But, Mr. Grey," my hand shoots up to silence him.
"Have you or have you not been staring at her?" The kid swallows and levels right at me.
"I have. I meant no disrespect but she's a beautiful woman. You're a lucky man." I'm speechless. I haven't given this asshole enough credit. Very few people go up against me toe to toe. I'm not sure if I should knock him out or offer him a job. I go with get him the hell out of my line of sight.
"Get out. You have no couth, no manners, and no training." Rounding on the manager I clip off, "He's gone, do you understand?" She nods, looking at him and ushering him towards the door. When he's gone I lean back against the sink and catch the look passing between my dad and brother.
"What? Too much?"
"You think, dude? He's like, 20 years old. For fucks sake the kid had zits still. And newsflash, bro, she's going to get checked out a lot. Forever. So get the fuck over it."
"I have to agree with your brother, Christian. There are some things you still need to grow up about and this would be a prime example. This is the rehersal dinner for your wedding, son."
"Exactly," I say, cutting him off. "So why is some limp dick eye fucking my soon to be wife?"
"Because she's very pretty and she's put together nicely. God, man, you need to lighten up. Are you going to fire everyone who dares to look her way?" If I have to.
"Christian?" Shit. I so did not want her to find out about this.
"Hey, baby." My dad and Elliot make for the door so fast I don't even have time to make up an excuse for my absence but one look at her and I know she's figured it out already.
"Why did a waiter just flip me the middle finger?"
"He did!? That classless piece of shit. I'll ensure he's fired for that." She laughs and takes my hands in hers, drawing me in to the butlers pantry.
"Shh, that's ridiculous. Who cares?"
"I do," I start but then she pushes me against the wall and kisses me, both hands fisting in my hair, that tight curvy body pressed against mine, her tongue sweeping through my mouth as if it were on a fact finding mission. Well shit, what was I just mad about?
"It's nothing, not worth your time," she leans up and licks from my collarbone to my ear lobe, offering me a quick nip before licking back down to the hollow of my throat. "I'm going to miss you tonight," another lick, this time to the other side. The world around me begins to spin, my head begins to float away, my cock begins to scream at me. "All that lingerie for me to try on," one small hand slides over my chest, down my abs and cups my dick, the slight heat enough to make me go blind. "And no fiancé to model it for."
"You had better not let anyone see you in it…oh fuck you can't do this to me and then leave…" but she doesn't stop, she just rubs me slowly while she kisses the ever loving fuck out of me. "Ana…just a quickie…we haven't done it in the new house…and it would be a nice…oh fuck don't stop that…" She squeezes me, rubbing slowly along my length while sucking where my neck meets my chin, her teeth scraping over the sensitive skin there.
"You like that, baby?" She whispers, her voice so damn sexy I could come just from her talking.
"Uh…yeah…I'm going to fuck you now," my hand grabs hers but she turns, twists with a giggle and rushes out of the pantry. What the?
"I want to give you something."
"And I want to accept it, now get in here and bend over." She giggles and slowly shakes her head.
"Not tonight, remember?" Stupid fucking god damned rule bull shit mother fucker. "Come on, I have a gift for you." Angrily adjusting myself I follow her through the main room and then to what will be my office where on one of the built in bookshelves is a manila envelope with a set of numbers and my birthdate typed on the front of it.
"What's this?" She smiles shyly and picks it up, waiting until I'm standing in front of her and giving her my full attention.
"You, husband to be, have given me the most wonderful present and future. And while picking out a gift for the man who has it all is truly a feat, I wanted to give you the one thing you didn't have. A piece of your past."
Instantly my hands go numb, my fingers begin to tingle and heat races over my entire body. She reaches out and cups my face, her thumb running over my lips. "It's nothing bad, nothing too emotional I promise. It's just a part of your history that you can use to fill in some blanks."
I don't want to open it but I also don't want to disappoint her so with great trepidation I take it from her and slide out the two sheets of paper inside. At the top is a company name, '23 and Me', and below that is the same number from the front and my birthday again along with my blood type and that of my birth parents. Parents. Plural. They could tell my birth father's blood type from my DNA. Somewhere he exists.
"What is…when did you…is this…"
"Your ancestral history. No names or anything like that but it tells you exactly what part of the world your ancestry is from and what kind of health issues you're at risk for." She leans in and points. "See, you are 88% Irish, nine percent French and three percent North African."
"Wow." My entire life I wondered what I was. All kids do it, that stupid question of 'where are you from' but I got it all the time because of the red in my hair and the strange color of my eyes. And here in my hands is the answer. For so long I wondered and now I know. Mind blown.
"I'm speechless. I…this is so amazingly thoughtful." My eyes meet hers, my vision cloudy until I blink fast and furiously, reaching up to touch her cheek. "I always hated the part in physicals where they ask about your family health history." My voice fades, "I never knew what to put down. It was a harsh reminder that I was...alone...but here it is. Wow."
"So you like it?" I skim the paper knowing I'll pour over it in private later on and then embrace her so tightly she grunts. Pulling her back to look at her face I'm overcome. Everything, she's given me everything.
"This is without question the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me in my entire life. I love it, thank you." I laugh, "Wait until you see what I'm giving you." Without waiting I take her hand and pull her the twenty feet it takes to get to her office and stand her in front of a huge piece of canvas.
"You gave me my past to complete me," with a flourish I pull the canvas back, "and I'm giving you your past so that you can bring it with you." She covers her mouth and gasps when she sees the 44 5x7 pictures, all in black and white, all staggered artfully in a custom frame of her favorite places from home and her favorite places from her college years.
"Jose's been working on it for weeks. Your dad helped and so did a few of your friends." She quietly walks towards the photos and extends her finger to each one, smiling and gasping at each memory as it hits her. "I know this life is a lot to take on. I'm a lot to take on but I never want you to change from the small town girl you are. You are so perfect just the way you are and these things, they contributed to that. So I had them brought here to Seattle the only way I could."
She turns and jumps in my arms, her face beaming with delight. I could have bought her diamonds, I could have bought her ten new cars but it would have meant nothing to her. But this, this clearly means a lot judging by the shimmer in her eyes and the grip of her legs around my waist.
"It's perfect. I love it. I can't believe you did this! It's absolutely perfect! I'm going to hang it in here, right behind my desk so everyone can see it. Oh my gosh I love it, Christian. Thank you." She kisses me, harsh pecks to my lips and eyes and cheek until finally she slows down and kisses me.
"It's time to go you two," Missy's voice cuts through the room like a bucket of ice water. One more minute and I know I could have convinced her to let me get one more quick session in. "Come on, we've got a party to attend, Ana and you've got…whatever it is you've got. Let's go, vamanos, hit the road, times up, hit the skids"
"We get it!" Ana laughs and then slides down, her eyes suddenly sad. "I don't want to leave you." I smile because it's the only thing that will help her to not cry.
"I'll see you in," I take a quick look at my watch, "less than 22 hours." She bites that damn lip and sighs.
"And I'll be walking down the aisle to you." My heart swells, then slams against my chest.
"I can't wait."
"So tell me how you go from isolated loner to getting married in five months?" Elliot takes a sip of his beer and burps loudly and as crass as he is, I can't help but chuckle at him. I don't care who you are, that shit is funny. "Not to be all gay about it, no offence to our blue haired friend, but we've never really talked about it and frankly, I don't get it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled by it and I've got my own ideas on it but I want to hear your version."
It's a valid question, one I've asked myself a hundred times but one I can't really give a solid answer to. I've learned a lot over the last few months but one lesson is sure. Love is not logical and it can't be rationalized. Elliot waits, shirtless in just pajama bottoms like me on the balcony of Escala. There's a chill in the air but we've both had enough scotch's to keep us warm. We've moved on to local IPA's to avoid a hangover in the morning but I've still got a nice buzz going.
"I can't explain it really. I had never even considered love or even a girlfriend let alone marriage and kids. And that night I went with you to the apartment to pick up Kate? A deal I had been working on for close to six months had fallen through that afternoon so I was in a really bad mood. I was so pissed, so angry, so frustrated and then you throw on me this little tidbit about taking her roommate with us to the club and I swear to God, Elliot I could have killed you."
"Pissed, angry and frustrated on top of the normal ornery asshole you were in general." He points to me and pretends to shoot me.
"Right, that too. So imagine my surprise when this…this…tiny slip of a woman steps in the doorframe and all those feelings disappear. I'm telling you, it was the first time in my entire life I didn't have any anger inside. It was like she was so big that there wasn't room for anything else. I didn't even know her name but I knew her. And then she touched me and fuck," I grin and look out into the black night, "it was spiritual. I know that sounds stupid but I can't think of a better word. Trust me, I've tried."
He's silent so I look at him but he's just waiting for me to continue. If I hadn't been a little drunk I would probably have shut up long ago but I'm so damn happy to be getting married that I just keep on going.
"I've seen plenty of beautiful women. I've been with plenty of beautiful women. But Ana blew me away. Even now I could look at her all day and not get enough. I wanted her and despite the feelings she stirred up, which were totally new for me, I could only relate to wanting her as sexual. It was all I knew." I shrug, ashamed at my limited view and appreciation of the opposite sex. "But ten minutes alone with her and I knew two things were certain. One, she wasn't that kind of girl. And two, what I wanted from her was far more than sexual. And that scared the shit out of me because never in my life had I felt that way."
"I gotta tell you, when you offered to fucking babysit with her, I almost shit myself. Legitimately almost shit myself." I laugh and grab us two more bottles, checking my phone to make sure Ana hasn't called for any reason. "How did you ever get her to agree to go out with you though? I was sure, absolutely sure that you'd fuck it up within the first hour. I even said that to Katie too."
"I have no idea why she agreed to date me. I didn't really ask her out officially I guess. Not at first. I just played up the friend card a bit since it was safer. It took me a lot of work to even begin to believe that I had anything other than sex and money to offer her. And ironically, the only two things I thought I could give to her were the two things she wasn't looking for." He laughs.
"I still can't believe she was a fucking virgin. I mean, how in the everloving fuck does a girl like that keep her, what is it called? Virtue. I mean shit, I don't even know the word!" He crosses one ankle over the other. "Though I gotta tell you, that whole virgin thing? That's hot as shit. But I digress, how did she manage it?"
"I don't know but thank Christ she was and that's the last we're talking about it." He raises his hands in surrender.
"Dude, I'm your brother, I'm probably the only guy out there who hasn't jacked off to her. So chill out." He leans back, eyes closed and lets me cool off but his comment pisses me off and he knows it. "It's a reality, C and sometimes I wonder if you don't live in reality when it comes to Ana. I know you're a jealous son of a bitch and for now that's all cute and new to her but one day, she's going to buck up against that insane flame of possession you carry around. So as your big brother, it's my job to point that out and get you the fuck over it."
"I don't need to hear about other guys thinking about my wife, Elliot!" He just laughs.
"Yes you do and I'll tell you why. You have this crazy ridiculous notion that because she's yours," he does air quotes which just makes me want to punch his nuts, "every other guy will just move on. It doesn't work that way; case in point, the waiter from dinner tonight. You can't go off the deep end every time someone shows an interest in her. It's nauseating and makes you look weak."
"Weak?" I spit out, pissed at myself for even talking to him about this.
"Yes, weak. Shit, you should parade that woman around, let the fuckers look. You're the one taking her home and they all know it. Every time you overreact to some dude's attention you're communicating that you have zero self-control over your emotions. You're Christian Fucking Grey for God's sake, own it! Women like her do not like to be made to feel like property and you puffing up your chest and shouting at every dude that checks her out does just that. So man up and get the hell over it."
I snort. "This from the guy who still has cuts on his knuckles after running into an ex of Kate's."
"Fuck buddy," he says, tipping the bottle towards me. "I could handle an ex-boyfriend. It's the fuck buddies that bother me the most."
"That seems backwards to me."
"No, man. I have had more fuck buddies and one night stands than I can count and that isn't something I'm proud of. If it were an ex-boyfriend I could deal with it because he had feelings for her, cared for her, was emotionally aware of her as a human. But a fuck buddy? The way I viewed those women is not the way I want anyone thinking about Katie." He pushes his palms into his eyes. "You are so damn lucky Ana was a virgin."
"Now that, that I know. There is no way in hell I could handle meeting someone who'd slept with her." I shiver. "Just the idea of someone else touching her makes me crazy."
"That's another thing I want to know about. She touches you all the time and now you let me and dad and mom do it too. I even saw Ray hug you at the stag and you didn't react at all. How'd that come about?"
For a good minute I don't answer. I just peel the label off of the beer and try to formulate a response. It's not something I've discussed with Flynn and truthfully not something I've really evaluated myself.
"It's been a natural progression I guess. With her, I needed to get over it to really move us to the next level. I knew what I wanted with her and I knew what she deserved and nobody deserves to be with someone they can't touch. So it was a choice I had to make. With you guys, I don't know how to explain it."
"We're family, adopted or not I've always felt that even if I didn't show it. But I have always viewed our family as the four of you and then me. Like you were in a bubble and I was on the outside. So it was easy to keep myself separate and easy to use the haphephobia as a way to stay that way. But when Ana came around, it was like she grabbed me by the shirt collar, yanked me into that bubble and made me see myself as a part of you all."
"That saddens me, bro. Not gonna lie."
"I know. And I'm sorry. You've always had my back and you always tried. I just…"
"You were missing a piece, I get it. And now you've got her and you've given yourself permission to be happy. But it's not all Ana's actions that have changed you. You finally, fucking finally started to believe that you were good. And shedding that secret," he whistles, "man that was huge. You made so much more sense to me, to all of us after you told us what had happened." For a minute we just sit there in the relative quiet, only the occasional truck below us making any noise.
"Elliot, even though I wasn't a good brother, I always had your back too. I want you to know that." He looks over at me and smiles.
"I know man. And in some ways you were a great brother. I've never met anyone as generous as you or as driven but it's your humility that I find the most striking. We don't know half the shit you do for others because you never tell anyone. You just do it because you're good like that." He looks away and then snorts. "Enough emotional mumbo-jumbo. I want to take a walk down memory lane with you, get up to speed on the things most brothers already know about each other."
"Fire away," I say, happy to stop with the dramatic conversation.
"How many women? In total?" I should have known sex would be what he was interested in.
"I'm not exactly sure but I'd say more than 50 less than 60."
"Threesomes?"
"Not by choice but yes." He laughs loudly.
"Not by choice. OK. Men or women?" He swings his legs around to look at me but I stare straight ahead. "I admit I'm a novice at the whole BDSM thing so I don't know if that's just standard or what."
"No, it's not standard. Yes I shared Elena with other men but I didn't engage with any of them directly but outside of her all of my interactions were one on one. God, Elliot, this is what you want to talk about on the night before my wedding?"
"Hell yes! OK, so no dudes for you. What was the best sex you ever had?"
"Not going there. Brother or not, I don't want any images of Ana in your head."
"So it was with Ana then? All those crazy experiences, all those years with trained and seasoned women and your best sex is with her?"
"Without question. Nothing else even comes close." He whistles and reclines back.
"Most memorable sex?"
"The first night with Ana."
"Butt sex," he says, all monotone and serious. I laugh so hard he winds up joining in.
"Butt sex?" I ask. He wipes his eyes and laughs a bit more.
"Yeah, butt sex."
"Stop saying butt sex, you sound stupid as hell." But we both continue to laugh like idiots. "What about it?"
"Love it, hate it, or never done it?"
"Why do I have the feeling I'm going to regret this entire conversation in the morning?" Throwing caution to the wind I just say it. "Who doesn't love butt sex?"
"Right! Would you tell Katie that? She won't give up that ass for anything. I cleaned the mother fucking bathrooms, made dinner and then sang her a song while I played guitar for her the other night and she still wouldn't let me tap that fine ass."
"Elliot, there isn't enough brotherly love in the universe for me to have this conversation with you."
"I need advice! I need help! I need that ass!"
"You want my advice? You want my help? Go ask Devin."